Hi all. My wife has been thinking about starting a support network for spouses/significant others/dependents who are "left" at home while their loved one goes off to thru-hike.

Does anyone know if something like that exists out there already?

If not, is there interest? Thanx!

She's got a support network... courtesy of Verizon wireless. :)

it ain't like you're going on a dangerous mission or climbing everest. bring a cell phone and call home daily. you ain't going to the wilderness

Aaaarrgghhh!! Cell phones?!!! BLAH!

Aaaarrgghhh!! Cell phones?!!! BLAH!

What?

You don't have a cell phone?

Aaaarrgghhh!! Cell phones?!!! BLAH!

fact of life for AT hiking. 75% carry a phone. maybe more

fact of life for AT hiking. 75% carry a phone. maybe more

cept me. i don't own one

Yeah, I have a cell phone, sure. I'm just not taking it with me. Don't want it on the Trail.

Yeah, I have a cell phone, sure. I'm just not taking it with me. Don't want it on the Trail.

Do you have a wife or significant other? That's the main reason I carry mine.

Yeah, I have a cell phone, sure. I'm just not taking it with me. Don't want it on the Trail.

Why not?

Seems like a reasonable method to stay in contact with your wife since you already own one.

Pocketmail, trailjournals...

Do you have a wife or significant other? That's the main reason I carry mine.

Wife. I'm trying to separate from my "normal" life while on the Trail. Do you feel that it's important to have one with you? I do plan to call her when a phone is available. I just don't want to be reliant on it.

Wife. I'm trying to separate from my "normal" life while on the Trail. Do you feel that it's important to have one with you?

then don't take a phone and call her once a week from a town, although you can call every other day if you really want. the southern AT ain't remote

then don't take a phone and call her once a week from a town, although you can call every other day if you really want. the southern AT ain't remote

Exactly LF! No cell phone needed!

Wife. I'm trying to separate from my "normal" life while on the Trail. Do you feel that it's important to have one with you? I do plan to call her when a phone is available. I just don't want to be reliant on it.

I wouldn't say I'm "reliant" on it. She understands that there will be times and places where I just can't call. But I do enjoy having a short chat with my wife once a day, when I'm on the trail, and she enjoys it too. With the cell phone I just have more options as to when and where I can make the call -- it doesn't have to be from a pay phone in town.

Wife. I'm trying to separate from my "normal" life while on the Trail. Do you feel that it's important to have one with you? I do plan to call her when a phone is available. I just don't want to be reliant on it.

The point is to suit yourself and your wife, not others.

Hey TT. I wasn't trying to suggest that anyone is reliant on their cell phone, just don't want it to be there as a potential crutch (for me). Anyway, away from cell phones and onto my original question... Maybe it's for first-timers only - are their loved ones having reservations about them taking off for (approx.) six months?

OK I'm going to ask this, not to be argumentative or anything, just curious. What qualifications does she have? I mean I know you've not thru-hiked yet, so she has no practical experience to impart to others in that regard.

I've been a military wife for 18 years, have two year long deployments to a war zone under my belt. Also have been in a leadership position of a Family "support" group during one of the deployments.

Grant you, hiking the trail is no where near any of that. So I expect when SGT Rock does his thru next year it'll be a piece of cake for me.

I just wonder if she understands what it is she's asking to take on. Trust me when I say, scared, irrational spouses/significant others are not that easy to deal with. They already have the worst case scenario played out in their mind and they are not easily convinced that they are wrong.

Hey Dixicritter. Your question is perfectly legit. I think the only "qualification" she needs is that her hubbie is taking off for six months to hike the AT. She wouldn't be "counseling" anybody. Just discussing what it's like, that's all.

Then she really needs to be careful saying she's starting a support network, and make sure she words it clearly that it's for folks to get together to talk about what it's like. People tend to assume things when someone starts a group or whatever, would hate to see her get in over her head is all.

I think it's a good idea all in all though. :)

I don't think a cell phone is that reliable..

With Pocketmail you can send out a post to a whole bunch of people, even other hikers, sort of like a network. And receive a bunch of email with a single free phone call from any pay phone...

Also with Trail journals when you get to a trail town that has computers usually at the library you can post and check your log..

My wife functioned as my transcriber, my maildrop supplier, and my food preparer. I think I had some of the best support on the trail on my thru...

One thing I saw was a hiker named Santa Claus would open his food pouches to find a little motivational saying on a strip of paper that his wife packed in there like a fortune in a fortune cookie.. That was a nice touch.....

Thanx Dixi! That's exactly it...just taking the initiative to start a discussion amongst folks.

I think Ronin is being criticized (again) for saying something good in perhaps not the way others think he should.

When one of us who is married takes a long departure, into a new society that our spouse/partner isn't a part of, they are as much a part of the trip as we are, but they lack the 'support group' that we find. We find it here, before a thru hike, and we find it during the hike from the friends we meet along the way. They help us (and we try to help them) with anxiety, homesickness, broken gear, sore feet, and what faces us tomorrow. That is good.

But our spouses have fears and questions before we leave that don't always have a place to see them addressed: They may be personal, or financial, or practicla issues of one person taking care of things that previously the now-travelling spouse helped with or did entirely. And they will face loneliness issues, too, and even sometimes anger and sadness at being "left behind" to do the "dirty work" while the thru is out there "living their dream."

For a thru's spouse, these aren't at anywhere the same level that Dixie has had to deal with, and I don't think anyone would think they were. But that doesn't mean they aren't real. I've seen them myself, and I know of others who have too. No one suggested a "support group" for such things before, and if that name bothers people, then another - "Spouse's Network" or whatever - can be chosen.

But I think it's a good idea for spouses to have a place - it could be here on WhiteBlaze - to ask questions somewhat anonymously, and share thoughts, and perhaps help other spouses with similar concerns. That's a good thing.

I think I'd share with Ronin an interest in knowing how something like that might be created. I would think it would only work if, somewhat like the Women's Forum is supposed to work, it was limited in membership just to those who are (or perhaps were or will be) spouses/partners of thrus.

The Weasel

No one suggested a "support group" for such things before, and if that name bothers people, then another - "Spouse's Network" or whatever - can be chosen.

Thanx Weasel. Yes, please don't get caught up with the phrasology.

I don't see anybody criticizing Ronin. I sure wasn't. Not saying his idea is a bad one at all.

I suppose I am questioning the need for this sort of "support". I'm wondering if the anxiety that Ronin's wife may be feeling may be due to misplaced fears about the trail.

If it's a matter of loneliness and connection (between the couple) then a cell phone or pay phone in town should suffice...

I think Ronin is being criticized (again) for saying something good in perhaps not the way others think he should....

Huh?

I reread the thread to make sure I didn't miss anything. Who was criticizing?

I always thought the purpose of a thru away from the wife was to forget about them for a while. Ya know go get some fresh ace.:D I hope to hook up with some married chicks.:D

Yeah, I don't think I'm being criticized. It seems like some folks don't see the need for this type of thing. That's why I asked. Cheers!

I always thought the purpose of a thru away from the wife was to forget about them for a while. Ya know go get some fresh ace.:D I hope to hook up with some married chicks.:D

As L. Wolf said, it's just a simple matter of biology! :p

I always thought the purpose of a thru away from the wife was to forget about them for a while. Ya know go get some fresh ace.:D I hope to hook up with some married chicks.:D


U do mean for the spouse that is left at home:rolleyes:

U do mean for the spouse that is left at home:rolleyes:

Why?? You need me to make a house call???:D

Why?? You need me to make a house call???:D'

if U leik...but knowing my sero-status..are u sure U would want to;)

'

if U leik...but knowing my sero-status..are u sure U would want to;)

Uh....Uh.... I didn't mean me......Uh... I'll send a friend....or someone like a friend your way.:)

I think Ronin is being criticized (again) for saying something good in perhaps not the way others think he should.



For a thru's spouse, these aren't at anywhere the same level that Dixie has had to deal with, and I don't think anyone would think they were. But that doesn't mean they aren't real. I've seen them myself, and I know of others who have too. No one suggested a "support group" for such things before, and if that name bothers people, then another - "Spouse's Network" or whatever - can be chosen.


The Weasel

I don't see that he's being criticized either, and I certainly wasn't. I even stated I thought it was a good idea. Also stated that it wasn't the same level of thing I've dealt with. However, when you get into calling yourself a support group for spouses that are separated for any reason that could hold potential for danger you will run into the irrational ones like I mentioned that go straight to the worst case scenarios. I've seen it in peace time with the soldiers just going to the field for training, and in war time (obviously much worse in the latter).

A "support" thread could be started in each "Class of" forum here on WB. Which I think would make the most sense honestly. That way each Class of Thru hikers would have a thread for their families to come here and discuss their thoughts and feelings or whatever.

We have enough trouble with "special" forums that get created in that people tend to get up in arms about it and start the whole "where's the forum for XYZ?" and the like so I seriously doubt we're going to be adding any new "special" forums any time soon.

Perhaps the spouses, parents, kids, friends could start a group on a a free server like Yahoo - and they could move it to a more reliable server if it takes off.

I echo what Dixie has said about the possiblity of encountering problems. Emotionally needy, frightened, totally irrational spouses are only one possiblity. Not everyone who is married and hiking has a stable marriage and / or a spouse who understand / shares his or her dream. Some spouses are going to see the hike as the beginning of the end of their marriage. Some are going to suspect that their hubby or wife is rubbing more than elbows with other hikers - especially if a friendship develops. They are going to feel left out and alone. Some stay-at-home spouses are going to stray while their spouse is out hiking - and feel guilt, remorse, anger....

I was in the military before they recognized the need of a support system for those who were left at home. The reason the military woke up was from some extreme problems that occurred from not having a support system in place. Folks at home were supposed to just "deal with it." Some times the wheels can come off the cart if the home body doesn't stay on track. The military has come a long way from where it was in this area. They haven't perfected it but there is a better awareness and understanding of these issues than ever before. My ex could go on about this topic more.
It wasn't many years ago when anyone who mentioned taking a cell phone on the AT got jumped on as not just being a "bad" hiker but a defective human being. Wingfoot especially had huge issues with it. People who had responsibilities at home i.e. senior parents, children, spouse, etc. were told to not hike until they could free themselves. I've never had a cell phone. There is no cell phone reception where I live. I've hiked with people who carried one. It was kind of cool to call ahead to have a ride waiting for us at the trail head. I hiked with Tex on the CDT and he carried a satellite phone. It had great reception so long as there was nothing overhead.

We will likely be using a satellite phone on long section hikes and already use a cell phone. Nine kids, 19 grandkids, 5.5 great-grandkids, dad (85 yo), mom (Alzheimer & Parkinson), special aunt (90 yo with major heart problems).... you may bite my toes if you don't like my phone - it is going because we are having a life in between meeting our responsibilities.

I'm glad I was mistaken about the idea being criticised, and sorry I was wrong. But I think 'family support' is more than just making phone calls home. There is much that would be good about spouses and families having the chance to share their feelings and questions with others who are in a similar position. I think it's a good idea.

The Weasel

Well SGT Rock and I thought it such a good idea that there is a forum already set up for those that maintain the "homefront" on his site. ;) OK so actually he did it, but I thought it was a good idea too. This is exactly what that forum is for over there. So far it hasn't gotten much use...LOL. I mostly talk to myself.

Well SGT Rock and I thought it such a good idea that there is a forum already set up for those that maintain the "homefront" on his site. ;) OK so actually he did it, but I thought it was a good idea too. This is exactly what that forum is for over there. So far it hasn't gotten much use...LOL. I mostly talk to myself.

I think that's a wonderful thing, Dixi...could the lack of use be due to other options available in the military (formal and informal) than other situations?

Maybe a "Spouse's forum" here would be useful, semi-limited to spouses/partners as much as possible.

The Weasel

There are also a fair number of anxious parents of young hikers who post here...

There are also a fair number of anxious parents of young hikers who post here...

Call it the "Family Forum".

The Weasel

I think that's a wonderful thing, Dixi...could the lack of use be due to other options available in the military (formal and informal) than other situations?

Maybe a "Spouse's forum" here would be useful, semi-limited to spouses/partners as much as possible.

The Weasel

It is on Hikinghq, it is for Hiking supporters. Not for military use.

Again, semi-limited forums here get everyone riled up for some reason that I have yet to understand so that's not going to happen at least not anytime real soon.

There are also a fair number of anxious parents of young hikers who post here...

Some might be anxious. I'm just damned jealous - wishin I was out there hiking with him. Maybe I can talk about that on the "support" forum.

I Love my Wife. But when I go to the woods, it's for two reasons...to diffuse and reflect; to relieve the unneccesary tension from today, and reposition myself for tomorrow. And when I go to the woods for extended hikes, I actually regret the interrupted moments of silence. Time away...well, you know the rest. It's a personal journey wrapped in a collective journey. You walked away from society for a reason...make use of that time and seperation. For you may never get the chance again.