How to be a real hiker OR How to avoid being a pack sniffer

[Mags]

With all the recent posts about what constitutes a real hiker, I thought I'd provide my thoughts on the correct way of hiking.

With my tips, you can avoid being a pack sniffer (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pack+sniffer) and hold your head high at hiker gatherings, on the trail and while drinking Long Trail ales.

Feel free to thank me!

1) Your pack must be X pounds (or kilos for our friends using the metric system)
-If your pack is too heavy, you are obviously not efficient and therefore can't be a real hiker
-If your pack is too light, then you are a gram counting weenie and don't really know what it is like to hike.

2) You must not hike any faster or do more miles as deemed by the High Holy Council of Hiking
-Those who do too many miles are not stopping to smell the roses. They are losing the meaning of hiking. You should be in camp
at X time
-If you do too little miles, then you are not an efficient hiker and must be a pack sniffer

3) You must abide by the High Holy Council of Hiking's gear check list.

If you do not have the exact gear as listed, then you are obviously a pack sniffer. All real hikers have the exact same gear.

4) To be a real hiker, you must have an accurate count of miles you have done. Real hikers know to the decimal point how many miles they have done.

5) To be a real hiker, you must only hike on trails. Other outdoor activities (climbing, trail running, MTBiking, underwater basket weaving, etc. ) are not permitted. Real hikers only hike. Showshoeing MAY be allowed if there is sufficient snow. If the snow level is below the threshold (as set by the High Holy Council of Hiking), and if you wear snowshoes, you are not a real hiker. Real hikers never ski.

6) Real hikers have beards. Even the women. If you don't have a beard, you should go to a costume shop to buy a fake beard. (http://www.costumecraze.com/ACC01.html) Carry it in your pack to wear around other hikers. Otherwise they may think you are pack sniffer.

7) Real hikers sit at a desk, multi-tasks while working, and make useless posts about hiking. A packsniffer is merely out hiking and never shares his wisdom on hiking boards.



Again, feel free to thank me.

(Please note, this was posted in the HUMOR section. :D)

[Tabasco]

How can I receive an appointment to the HHCH?

Great post BTW,

[kanga]

i thought it was absolutely shameful that the link to packsniffers in the urban dictionary had warren's name in it...:eek:

[Alligator]

I've got a couple of questions:

I count all the inches I've ever hiked, so when you say down to the decimal point, are you talking five decimal places there, as an inch is 1/63360th of a mile?

Does the HHCH set beard length and area standards?

I've heard that getting on the HHCH is a self-appointment process. Is that true?

[HippieHiker]

haha gram counting weenie....nice way to put it

[bigmac_in]

With all the recent posts about what constitutes a real hiker, I thought I'd provide my thoughts on the correct way of hiking.

With my tips, you can avoid being a pack sniffer (http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=pack+sniffer) and hold your head high at hiker gatherings, on the trail and while drinking Long Trail ales.

Feel free to thank me!

1) Your pack must be X pounds (or kilos for our friends using the metric system)
-If your pack is too heavy, you are obviously not efficient and therefore can't be a real hiker
-If your pack is too light, then you are a gram counting weenie and don't really know what it is like to hike.

2) You must not hike any faster or do more miles as deemed by the High Holy Council of Hiking
-Those who do too many miles are not stopping to smell the roses. They are losing the meaning of hiking. You should be in camp
at X time
-If you do too little miles, then you are not an efficient hiker and must be a pack sniffer

3) You must abide by the High Holy Council of Hiking's gear check list.

If you do not have the exact gear as listed, then you are obviously a pack sniffer. All real hikers have the exact same gear.

4) To be a real hiker, you must have an accurate count of miles you have done. Real hikers know to the decimal point how many miles they have done.

5) To be a real hiker, you must only hike on trails. Other outdoor activities (climbing, trail running, MTBiking, underwater basket weaving, etc. ) are not permitted. Real hikers only hike. Showshoeing MAY be allowed if there is sufficient snow. If the snow level is below the threshold (as set by the High Holy Council of Hiking), and if you wear snowshoes, you are not a real hiker. Real hikers never ski.

6) Real hikers have beards. Even the women. If you don't have a beard, you should go to a costume shop to buy a fake beard. (http://www.costumecraze.com/ACC01.html) Carry it in your pack to wear around other hikers. Otherwise they may think you are pack sniffer.

7) Real hikers sit at a desk, multi-tasks while working, and make useless posts about hiking. A packsniffer is merely out hiking and never shares his wisdom on hiking boards.



Again, feel free to thank me.

(Please note, this was posted in the HUMOR section. :D)


Awwwww .......Sarcasm rears it's ugly head. LOVE IT !!

[DesertMTB]

i thought it was absolutely shameful that the link to packsniffers in the urban dictionary had warren's name in it...:eek:

That was pretty funny. I wonder who entered the word into UD?:D

[Cuffs]

I wont grow a beard, but I think after many miles my legs and armpits might qualify!

[Tin Man]

When counting miles/inches, does one include all blazes or just the pretty white ones?

[Alligator]

I'm going out on my first real backpacking trip. I think I'm ready to go, the exact mileage is of course set and I have all the exact gear. However, is the precise food menu and cubic centimeters of water I should carry listed as a subsection of the exact gear list? (I see the snack and meal times listed.)

I know I'm such a newbie for asking these questions:datz.

[kanga]

That was pretty funny. I wonder who entered the word into UD?:D

It says Fred E. Anybody here named Fred E?

[Mags]

AH! Questions from the audience!


I'm going out on my first real backpacking trip. I think I'm ready to go, the exact mileage is of course set and I have all the exact gear. However, is the precise food menu and cubic centimeters of water I should carry listed as a subsection of the exact gear list? (I see the snack and meal times listed

It is indeed a subsection. All real hikers take the food as prescribed by the HHCH. Failure to do the mandated food (and times to eat) makes you an obvious n00b and a 100% pack sniffer.

When counting miles/inches, does one include all blazes or just the pretty white ones?

The HHCH mandate that real hikers do not know of these "blazes" you speak. Real hikers bushwhack with a machete and navigate by the stars (even in daylight).

I count all the inches I've ever hiked, so when you say down to the decimal point, are you talking five decimal places there, as an inch is 1/63360th of a mile?

The HHCH mandates that all mileage should be to the nearest 1/16th of a mile. Of course, really real hikers (another post for another time) know
their miles to 1/16th of an INCH (9.86426768 × 10-7 miles)

Does the HHCH set beard length and area standards?

Some of our beard challenged friends can't grow a full beard. If you find yourself in this predicament, I suggest one of the fine fake beards offered for sale. All beards should be, at min, long and thick enough to reach down to the adam's apple.

I wont grow a beard, but I think after many miles my legs and armpits might qualify!

All real hikers have beards. Even the females. Though leg and armpit hair does show you are a really real hiker.

I've heard that getting on the HHCH is a self-appointment process. Is that true?


The standards of admission are rather high. You must declare yourself to be a real hiker on an Internet hiking board. Then turn three times around while chanting the lyrics to Kum Buy Yah, (http://www.ericgwin.com/pages/lyrics_pages/kum_bay_yah.htm) backwards.

[High Life]

you must not shower for x amount of days

[gold bond]

Does hiking the width of a trail justify being a hiker or must you hike actually hike a longer section? How long must that section be and do you have to have someone verify this? If you must have a person to verify it must they be part of the Holy whatever or can they be ordained to do such?

[Mags]

Does hiking the width of a trail justify being a hiker or must you hike actually hike a longer section? How long must that section be and do you have to have someone verify this? If you must have a person to verify it must they be part of the Holy whatever or can they be ordained to do such?

All real hikers must hike lengthwise and not widthwise. Hiking the width of something just to say you are a real hiker makes you an obvious pack sniffer.

Much like notary publics, real hikers in the HHCH have an official stamp. They can stamp your documents to certify you as a real hiker. Like notary publics, they can also officiate at real hiker weddings, make car sale transactions official for real hikers and have been known to give toasts at real hiker retirement parties.

[ofthearth]

That was pretty funny. I wonder who entered the word into UD?:D


i thought it was absolutely shameful that the link to packsniffers in the urban dictionary had warren's name in it...:eek:


Awwwww .......Sarcasm rears it's ugly head. LOVE IT !!

I wonder why sarcasm is funny sometimes and not others? :-? I hope kanga is kidding and sees the humor. Yes, sometimes both JT(BJ) and WD get carried and we all pile in/on but as others have pointed out we're all silly sometimes. Both have done good things, BJ's info at the beginning of WB(I use it instead of carrying a map :eek:) and WD has taken people thru the AT that might not have gone other wise. And BJ unfailingly rises to WD's pokes :rolleyes: . Enjoyed the post Mags and I hope others can find the humor in it. It even strikes me that WD might subscribe to kanga's tag line.

"Well-behaved women rarely make history"
- Marilyn Monroe

[Jack Tarlin]

Thanx for the kind words, but you'd probably be better off ditching the Re-Supply article and carrying maps instead! Knowing where you can buy food isn't much use if you get lost in the woods 20 miles from the store! :D

[A-Train]

Dear Mags,

I've been a devoted Backpacking Light reader for years. I'm working on shaving my packweight down to sub 2 lbs baseweight. When I wear it around my apartment it feels too heavy with 4 lbs baseweight. I scower WB every day for helpful tips on how to lighten up, ideas for trail lunches and resupply ideas. I go to all the hiker gatherings, try to brush elbows with some of the hiking celebs, and stand there with my microbrew around the campfire.

What else can I do to shed my packsniffer title?

Nervous in New York

[Cuffs]

"Well-behaved women rarely make history"
- Marilyn Monroe

Wasnt that Laurel Thatcher Ulrich....?

[Pokey2006]

1) Your pack must be X pounds (or kilos for our friends using the metric system)

So HOW many pounds exactly? We need to set a limit. I don't want to get in trouble with the High Holy Council.

[KnowledgeEngine]

I wont grow a beard, but I think after many miles my legs and armpits might qualify!

In order to qualify you will need the following. A multitool with scissors, a bottle of spirit gum.

At the end of each 42 hours, 42 minutes and 42 seconds you must drop your pack, remove the hair from your pits, legs, etc. using the scissors, and append it to your chin using the spirit gum. Successive applications are to be applied to the previous periods appendages. Only by doing so can you discover the true meaning of life, and the true meaning of being a hiker.

Do not become confused and try to have the operations complete every 42:42:42, you are meant to drop the pack and BEGIN the hair transplant, not complete at 42:42:42.

To futher boost one's standing in the eyes of the council you should take photos at the end of each hair trimming, and post them to trailjournals and whiteblaze.

[4eyedbuzzard]

What do real hikers do with eyebrows, nose, ear and other er, ah, Holy Hair?

Are nose hair dreadlocks okay?

Is Andy Rooney really a real hiker in real life? He's definitely got the eyebrow and ear hair thing going on, kinda a poster boy for trail grooming if he grew a beard, or is he just a packsniffer that got some squirrel fur stuck on his face at an office party?

Inquiring minds want to know.

[Alligator]

I had heard in the early days there was only one advisory board The Hiking Council, but that splinter groups formed after some members got religion. Is the High Holy Council of Hiking one of these, like The Holy Council of High Hikers and Holy Advocates of Superior Hiking? Or is HHCH a purely philosophical group such as the Long Steppers Division?

[gold bond]

All real hikers must hike lengthwise and not widthwise. Hiking the width of something just to say you are a real hiker makes you an obvious pack sniffer.

Much like notary publics, real hikers in the HHCH have an official stamp. They can stamp your documents to certify you as a real hiker. Like notary publics, they can also officiate at real hiker weddings, make car sale transactions official for real hikers and have been known to give toasts at real hiker retirement parties.

Thanks for clarifying that as I know my question was somewhat of a lengthy one but that being said, how does going uphill or downhill effect this equation? As well , can a HHCH do a MRI? I can't seem to get my insurance company to let my doctor do the MRI on my lower back and it is really starting to p**s me off!:mad:

[4eyedbuzzard]

All real hikers must hike lengthwise and not widthwise. Hiking the width of something just to say you are a real hiker makes you an obvious pack sniffer.

Can you hike width spring like Earl and Ed did? Some people hike width their dogs too, and they are ALWAYS sniffin' everything, so I'm guessin' that wouldn't be real hiking. What does the HHCH say, width all their wisdom?


Much like notary publics, real hikers in the HHCH have an official stamp. They can stamp your documents to certify you as a real hiker. Like notary publics, they can also officiate at real hiker weddings, make car sale transactions official for real hikers and have been known to give toasts at real hiker retirement parties.

I heard that old hikers never retire - they just rest-step away.:-?

[tlbj6142]

I heard that old hikers never retire - they just rest-step away.Groan. Not sure I'll ever get that out of my head.:banana

Wait, I just realized that using a dancing banana in an Internet posting just might make you a pack sniffer? As I don't believe real hikers use animated emoticons.

[MOWGLI]

I plan to summit Rhode Island's high point next month. I'm told it'll be a first ascent. How much bottled oxygen do you think I should carry?

[Jack Tarlin]

Watch the bottle. Rhode Island has an open container law. :D

Any questions about this, ask Wolf, it's his home state.

[ofthearth]

Groan. Not sure I'll ever get that out of my head.:banana

Wait, I just realized that using a dancing banana in an Internet posting just might make you a pack sniffer? As I don't believe real hikers use animated emoticons.

"I heard that old hikers never retire - they just rest-step away."

I thought they spent their time posting on WB. :banana

[Mags]

It is a busy day at the HHCH office!

Though I am NOT in the HHCH, I am a duly appointed representative. On to the reader mail:

Dear Mags,

I've been a devoted Backpacking Light reader for years. I'm working on shaving my packweight down to sub 2 lbs baseweight. When I wear it around my apartment it feels too heavy with 4 lbs baseweight. I scower WB every day for helpful tips on how to lighten up, ideas for trail lunches and resupply ideas. I go to all the hiker gatherings, try to brush elbows with some of the hiking celebs, and stand there with my microbrew around the campfire.

What else can I do to shed my packsniffer title?

Nervous in New York

Dear Nervous in New York,

You obviously are entering gram weenie status and not a true hiker. A True Hiker carries X pounds, no more...no less.

While hanging around hiker celebs can be all and good, you should buy books, too. I have a book for sale called HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT!.

My book not only tells you how to be a real hiker, but it all gives real world advice for real hikers: What boxed wine is appropriate for a hiker gathering? (answer: the cheaper, the better), How to fashion an emergency blanket out of Pop Tart Wrappers, and the best places to score hiker schwag that obviously makes you a real hiker (In HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT!, I have t-shirts that say "I'M A REAL HIKER DAMN IT!"..and they are autographed by the HHCH!).

As a bonus, if you order the book online right now you'll also get real hiker recipes made for and by real hikers.


So HOW many pounds exactly? We need to set a limit. I don't want to get in trouble with the High Holy Council.

It is a variable figure that depends upon snow pack, solar flare activity, specific gravity, wind velocity and wherever the HHCH throws the dart at the board for the day.

The game is rigged. But you can't win if you don't play.

To futher boost one's standing in the eyes of the council you should take photos at the end of each hair trimming, and post them to trailjournals and whiteblaze.

Thanks for the thoughtful advice! Postholer.com, Blogger.com, Flicker and other photo sharing websites are also approved by the HHCH.

What do real hikers do with eyebrows, nose, ear and other er, ah, Holy Hair?

Donate it to the disadvantaged who can't grow a real hiker beard.

I had heard in the early days there was only one advisory board The Hiking Council, but that splinter groups formed after some members got religion. Is the High Holy Council of Hiking one of these, like The Holy Council of High Hikers and Holy Advocates of Superior Hiking? Or is HHCH a purely philosophical group such as the Long Steppers Division?

It is a philosophical group. We are a secular organization dedicated to the proposition that all hikes are created equal, but only some people are real hikers.

Thanks for clarifying that as I know my question was somewhat of a lengthy one but that being said, how does going uphill or downhill effect this equation? As well , can a HHCH do a MRI?

All real hikers go uphill and THEN downhill. Both ways. In the snow (without snowshoes..unless deemed appropriate by the HHCH).

As for MRIs...damn it Jim, we are hikers not doctors on 1960s TV show!

Can you hike width spring like Earl and Ed did? Some people hike width their dogs too, and they are ALWAYS sniffin' everything, so I'm guessin' that wouldn't be real hiking. What does the HHCH say, width all their wisdom?

Widthout hesitation, the HHCH states you can hiked width spring, but only width the appropriate gear as deemed by the HHCH.

Dogs are a paradox. They hike..and the sniff packs (and other things). The HHCH is still meeting on that issue.

The firs meeting, Katahdin I, deemed that real hikers must hike in a certain way. Katahdin II, will settle such philosophical questions as to whether dogs are real hikers, settle this "Whose round of beer is it?!?!" question once and for all.

[Mags]

I plan to summit Rhode Island's high point next month. I'm told it'll be a first ascent. How much bottled oxygen do you think I should carry?


Dear Mowgli,

As a native RIer, and an appointed rep for the HHCH, I suggest you read my account of summiting Jerimoth Hill:
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showthread.php?t=19457&highlight=jerimoth+hill

I hiked to the summit mere weeks after finishing the CDT.

The CDT was a cake walk compared to this epic summit climb.

[MOWGLI]

Dear Mowgli,

As a native RIer, and an appointed rep for the HHCH, I suggest you read my account of summiting Jerimoth Hill:
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showthread.php?t=19457&highlight=jerimoth+hill

I hiked to the summit mere weeks after finishing the CDT.

The CDT was a cake walk compared to this epic summit climb.

You mean to say, I won't be the first?? Fuggetaboutit!!

What about Delaware?

[kanga]

Wasnt that Laurel Thatcher Ulrich....?
originally, but MM made it popular. and that's who i wanted to quote, so i did.

[Mags]

You mean to say, I won't be the first?? Fuggetaboutit!!

What about Delaware?

It's by a trailer park with the beautiful name of Ebright Azimuth.
http://209.85.207.104/search?q=cache:njQ4lw9b8wEJ:www.americasroof.com/de.shtml+delaware's+highest+point&hl=en&ct=clnk&cd=8&gl=us&client=firefox-a
http://www.dennypayne.com/highpoints/de.html


Harder then even Jerimoth Hill!

[kanga]

I wonder why sarcasm is funny sometimes and not others? :-? I hope kanga is kidding and sees the humor. Yes, sometimes both JT(BJ) and WD get carried and we all pile in/on but as others have pointed out we're all silly sometimes. Both have done good things, BJ's info at the beginning of WB(I use it instead of carrying a map :eek:) and WD has taken people thru the AT that might not have gone other wise. And BJ unfailingly rises to WD's pokes :rolleyes: . Enjoyed the post Mags and I hope others can find the humor in it. It even strikes me that WD might subscribe to kanga's tag line.

"Well-behaved women rarely make history"
- Marilyn Monroe

kanga is kidding. kanga is in the humor forum. kanga keeps on hoppin'....

[MOWGLI]

The last time I hiked, I experienced really bad chafing. I also had problems with oral hygiene. I'm an ultralight enthusiast, and wonder if there is a single product I can use to both brush my teeth and deal with my chafing issues.

Thank you.

[ofthearth]

originally, but MM made it popular. and that's who i wanted to quote, so i did. So there!

[Mags]

The last time I hiked, I experienced really bad chafing. I also had problems with oral hygiene. I'm an ultralight enthusiast, and wonder if there is a single product I can use to both brush my teeth and deal with my chafing issues.

Thank you.

Goldbond AND Dr. Bonners powder mixed. Mmm..mm..chafing resistance yummylicious!

[sasquatch2014]

Is Andy Rooney really a real hiker in real life? He's definitely got the eyebrow and ear hair thing going on, kinda a poster boy for trail grooming if he grew a beard, or is he just a packsniffer that got some squirrel fur stuck on his face at an office party?

If Andy Rooney did a trail Journal that is one that I would definitely bookmark.

[Captain]

Awwwww .......Sarcasm rears it's ugly head. LOVE IT !!


bigmac you have to put down the mirror first!

[taildragger]

I've done the real notorious trails for my triple crown, all as yo-yos of course
1) couch to fridge
2) lazy boy to go talk to a man about a horse
3) Oklahoma to New Belgium Brewery


Does this make me a real hiker? Even if I yellow blazed a little (machete to bushwack was still used while driving to clear path) to make it to the NB brewery before they were out of La Folie?

If not, will my up and coming section of the PCT help, I'll be carrying a 2 gram loin cloth and using my machete to raid the human lockers at the bear camps, I'll also be raiding the bears that cook and sleep at the same established campsite while not hanging bags.

[IceAge]

I am planning my next hike and I find that my pack weight is X + 14.3267 ounces. I believe that by attaching 2 large helium balloons to each of the ice axe loops, I will negate that extra weight. Will the HHCH approve of this remedy?

Worried in Wisconsin

[taildragger]

As I hike to higher elevation, will I have to add rocks to my pack due to the decrease in the gravitational force? Or can mass be used for hikers that cover terrain with large altitude differences

[Mags]

If not, will my up and coming section of the PCT help, I'll be carrying a 2 gram loin cloth and using my machete to raid the human lockers at the bear camps, I'll also be raiding the bears that cook and sleep at the same established campsite while not hanging bags.

Will the loin cloth be camouflage and synthetic?

[taildragger]

Will the loin cloth be camouflage and synthetic?

It will at the beginning, but I imagine that the bear raids and dust baths in the deserts might change it to being tattered and varying shades of tan, however, I do hope that this will help me fit in more on June 15th

[ed bell]

I was wondering whether I should abandon my hiking trip due to weather or stuffed up sinuses. I wouldn't want to be mistaken for someone who couldn't possibly be enjoying themselves or one who doesn't "stop and smell the roses".

Signed,
The Stuffed-Up Sniveller

[Mags]

I am planning my next hike and I find that my pack weight is X + 14.3267 ounces. I believe that by attaching 2 large helium balloons to each of the ice axe loops, I will negate that extra weight. Will the HHCH approve of this remedy?

Worried in Wisconsin

Dear Worried in Wisconsin,

Don't be a gram weenie. Real Hikers do not attach helium balloons to their pack. They use tyvek parasails.

As I hike to higher elevation, will I have to add rocks to my pack due to the decrease in the gravitational force? Or can mass be used for hikers that cover terrain with large altitude differences

As you lose weight on the body, you must add weight to the pack to be a real hiker.

I was wondering whether I should abandon my hiking trip due to weather or stuffed up sinuses. I wouldn't want to be mistaken for someone who couldn't possibly be enjoying themselves or one who doesn't "stop and smell the roses".

Signed,
The Stuffed-Up Sniveller

Dear Stuffed-up Sniveller,

Real Hikers embrace the weather. Even if you have pneumonia, the bubonic plague AND a bad case of boils, you should always smile and stop to smell the roses. And maybe take some cold medication, too. Besides smelling roses, a real hiker also stops to smell the pungent aroma of toxic socks.

[Tin Man]

AH! Questions from the audience!

When counting miles/inches, does one include all blazes or just the pretty white ones?

The HHCH mandate that real hikers do not know of these "blazes" you speak. Real hikers bushwhack with a machete and navigate by the stars (even in daylight).


I love a good bushwhack, but I can't seem to locate the heavens for the leaves, so I use a compass. Also, I am not big on whacking the bush... with a machete that is. Guess that makes me a sniffer. So be it.

[MOWGLI]

Dear Mags:

I have heard that if I swim in cold water during my hike, that the resultant shrinkage will save me weight during my hike for the next 15-20 minutes. Is this really true?

[Cuffs]

Didnt I see someone wearing this at SoRuck?

[Mags]

I love a good bushwhack, but I can't seem to locate the heavens for the leaves, so I use a compass. Also, I am not big on whacking the bush... with a machete that is. Guess that makes me a sniffer. So be it.

I am glad you embraced your pack-sniffiness. You should still also buy my book, though. I need the cash. Remember, HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT!


Dear Mags:

I have heard that if I swim in cold water during my hike, that the resultant shrinkage will save me weight during my hike for the next 15-20 minutes. Is this really true?


It will save you mass but not weight.
http://www.nyu.edu/pages/mathmol/textbook/weightvmass.html

If you attach some Tyvek parasails to what shrinks it may save weight..and give you quite the lift!

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

::: Dino seen measuring chin whiskers and finding them out of compliance with the HHCH :::
::: Dino seen blowing out two enormous snot rockets so she can sniff packs more efficiently :::

[hopefulhiker]

Before I was just a hopeful hiker. It has been so long since I did a good long distance hike that I feel like a has been hiker..

[Marta]

I am confused about the regulations. Do I put the top copy of the permit into the box and carry the yellow copy? Or the other way around? Do I have to call ahead for a permit number? Is there a fee?

What if I lose my copy?

[Red Hat]

Before I was just a hopeful hiker. It has been so long since I did a good long distance hike that I feel like a has been hiker..

I remember you when.... You'd tell all those naysayers "don't try to take away my hope!" Would your dear sweet wife let you hike SOBO? I promise not to steal your hat!

[mrc237]

Before I was just a hopeful hiker. It has been so long since I did a good long distance hike that I feel like a has been hiker..

Better to be a has been than a never was :).

[mrc237]

BTW if you want the real "packsniffers" to see this post it on the political pages thats where most hang out.

[Frosty]

Wasnt that Laurel Thatcher Ulrich....?Yes. She was a history professor at the Univ of New Hampshire at one time. Won a Pulitzer Prize, too, then she left NH.

[Frosty]

[CENTER
::: Dino seen blowing out two enormous snot rockets so she can sniff packs more efficiently :::
[/CENTER]Didn't need to read this.

[4eyedbuzzard]

::: Dino seen blowing out two enormous snot rockets so she can sniff packs more efficiently :::


Shedding pounds and going ultralight, eh?

[_terrapin_]

I'd volunteer for high council, but not holy. :D

[skinny minnie]

Best post ever.

Where can I buy this book? And may I please have my copy autographed?

[Mags]

Before I was just a hopeful hiker. It has been so long since I did a good long distance hike that I feel like a has been hiker..

Haven't put on a pack in 20 yrs? Think your way of doing things is the correct way for a real hiker? That has never stopped people from gaining membership in the HHCH. Remember don't say HYOH, but tell people to HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT!

I am confused about the regulations. Do I put the top copy of the permit into the box and carry the yellow copy? Or the other way around? Do I have to call ahead for a permit number? Is there a fee?

What if I lose my copy?

The top one makes you larger
And one copy makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all


Where can I buy this book? And may I please have my copy autographed?

HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT!: Seven Life Lessons from Real Hikers
can be bought at many fine book stores. It it is not available in your bookstore of choice..then how fine is it really?

Once you procure this book, an autograph can be had by all real hikers.

BTW if you want the real "packsniffers" to see this post it on the political pages thats where most hang out.

Even the HHCH will not wade into THAT mess.

To quote a real hiker named Dante "Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate"

(I think he was ordering the #2 special at Angelo's diner, though.)

[Marta]

I am confused about the regulations. Do I put the top copy of the permit into the box and carry the yellow copy? Or the other way around? Do I have to call ahead for a permit number? Is there a fee?

What if I lose my copy?

The top one makes you larger
And one copy makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all




Hmph. That's not a very good answer. I'm going to have to ask Alice.

[MOWGLI]

Hmph. That's not a very good answer. I'm going to have to ask Alice.

Dear Mags:

I ate a mushroom on the trail in Tennessee, and it magically transported me to Maine. Can I apply for a 2000-miler certificate in good conscious?

Signed,
Psychedelic in Scranton

[sheepdog]

I like butter on my Ramen. Is that wrong?
Does the HHCH take a stand on which color M&M's should be discarded before you start your hike?

[4eyedbuzzard]

Dear Mags:

I ate a mushroom on the trail in Tennessee, and it magically transported me to Maine. Can I apply for a 2000-miler certificate in good conscious?

Signed,
Psychedelic in Scranton

If you saw trails you've got my vote.

[Mags]

Hmph. That's not a very good answer. I'm going to have to ask Alice.

She's a 10 ft tall ranger. Go ask Alice, she's 10 ft tall.


Dear Mags:

I ate a mushroom on the trail in Tennessee, and it magically transported me to Maine. Can I apply for a 2000-miler certificate in good conscious?

Signed,
Psychedelic in Scranton



Dear Pyschedelic in Scranton,

While Katahdin II will debate the issue of magical transport devices, it should be known that is is the High Holy Council of HIKING. Bending the laws of physics for the purpose of claiming a patch makes a person an obvious pack sniffer. Though one with unbelievable powers of perception, clarity in vision and a hankering for the unbelievable and legendary "2 for 1 Large Pepperoni and Cheese Pizza" special. No coupon needed!


I like butter on my Ramen. Is that wrong?
Does the HHCH take a stand on which color M&M's should be discarded before you start your hike?

Butter on Ramen is perfectly fine. However, to be a real hiker you MUST cook the Ramen in the designated Ramen cookware.

As for M&M's, the HHCH deems all M&M's to be goodness. My personal advice is to get rid of any pastel colored "holiday" M&Ms however. Pink M&Ms just don't seem right.


If you saw trails you've got my vote.


A real hiker merely does not see trails. He is like, the trail, man. Go ask Alice. She'll tell ya.

[Two Speed]

[I][B]I like butter on my Ramen. Is that wrong?
Does the HHCH take a stand on which color M&M's should be discarded before you start your hike?

Butter on Ramen is perfectly fine. However, to be a real hiker you MUST cook the Ramen in the designated Ramen cookware.Mmm, hmm, any real hiker would mention the "titanium content" requirement for bona fide ramen cookware. That doesn't even cover the Butter Bud stipulation.

I suspect the OP may be a pack sniffer.

[Mags]

Mmm, hmm, any real hiker would mention the "titanium content" requirement for bona fide ramen cookware. That doesn't even cover the Butter Bud stipulation.

I suspect the OP may be a pack sniffer.

Only gear weenies use titanium. Real Hikers brag about their free plastic spork fished out of the Wendy's dumpster.

[MOWGLI]

Dear Mags:

What do real thru hikers use for toilet paper?

1. Smooth river stones?
2. Tree bark?
3. Section hikers?
4. TP?
5. Shelter mice?
6 Loose trail dogs?
7. Nothing?
8. Something else?

Your insight would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Skid in Seattle

[woodsy]

I smell a new organization forming......PSAA (pack sniffers anonymous association)
All members names will be public information.

[sheepdog]

A preamble for the hiking constitution.....discussion and additions / deletions will be entertained at this time.

We the High Holy Council of Hiking consider these truths to be self evident, that not all hikers are created equal. Further some low life pack sniffers do not have any rights at all.

[Mags]

Dear Mags:

What do real thru hikers use for toilet paper?

1. Smooth river stones?
2. Tree bark?
3. Section hikers?
4. TP?
5. Shelter mice?
6 Loose trail dogs?
7. Nothing?
8. Something else?

Your insight would be greatly appreciated.

Sincerely,

Skid in Seattle

Dear Skids,

Thanks for asking this important question.

Real hikers of course are concerned about Leave No Trace principles.

Using stones, mice and tree bark violate this principle. Plus the mice bite.

Real hikers use something else. They use a portable bidet. Clean, refreshing, re-useable. They attach to your Gatorade bottle and work with a solar charger for true, green-progressive LNT nirvana.

You can order one in my book: HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT!

Also, I am pleased to announce that the HHCH will be offering classes on how to be real hiker.

With these classes, you can avoid packsniffer faux pas such as

1) Naively assuming that all there is to hiking is hiking
2) Thinking there are many ways to enjoy the outdoors
-You'll learn the one, true, correct way
3) Learn the cool slang so you can talk the talk! (And be worthy of walking the walk!)

That is just a sample of what you'll learn the HMH: DI classes.

After the completion of class, you'll get a certificate suitable for framing. It will get you into all the cool clubs, let you get a 10% discount at the HMH: DI online store and will show your total real hiker coolness.

[Marta]

I am hoping these classes will be conducted online. (It is widely acknowledged that online learning is superior to actual experience, since that is very hit-or-miss.)

I want to be sure to purchase of exactly the right stuff.

Where should I send my credit card and banking information?

[Two Speed]

Only gear weenies use titanium. Real Hikers brag about their free plastic spork fished out of the Wendy's dumpster.Poser.

Real hikers eat with their fingers. Hard core hikers just suck the boiling soup and ramen right out of the pot. :cool:

[Mags]

Where should I send my credit card and banking information?

PM Me. I'll also need your social security number, mother's maiden name and a photo suitable for a passport.

Real hikers eat with their fingers. Hard core hikers just suck the boiling soup and ramen right out of the pot. :cool:


Hard Core Hikers are a subset group. Most HCH think they are REAL HIKERS, but are actually gram weenies in disguise.

[MOWGLI]

Dear Mags:

I finished my thru-hike nearly 8 years ago, and still smell like I did the day I summited Katahdin. I''ve been wearing this funk like a badge of honor, but I can't seem to find any women who will date me. What should I do?

Signed,

Stinky in Secaucus

[Two Speed]

Hard Core Hikers are a subset group. Most HCH think they are REAL HIKERS, but are actually gram weenies in disguise.Mmm hmm. A REAL HIKER would know that hard core hikers burned their fingers off years ago picking up pots of boiling soup, and therefore no longer have fingers.

Hardcore hikers may be gram weenies, but they suffered for their status, damn it.

[Mags]

Dear Mags:

I finished my thru-hike nearly 8 years ago, and still smell like I did the day I summited Katahdin. I''ve been wearing this funk like a badge of honor, but I can't seem to find any women who will date me. What should I do?

Signed,

Stinky in Secaucus

Dear Stinky,

You need a Real Hiker Woman.

Accept no less!

A RHW will accept, nay RELISH, the hiker funk. Do you honestly want to be with a...PACK SNIFFER!

For those who have to actually work and need good hygiene habits, I am marketing O D HIKER. Get the REAL HIKER scent. Spray it on when needed (esp when attracting a hiker of your preferred gender).

O D HIKER has a charming smell of stale sweat, salt, wet socks and flatulence. Sure..you may be a pack sniffer if you have to use such help. But better to at least pretend you are real hiker.

Of course, real hikers don't care about personal grooming habits. I work just fine in my vacuum sealed cubicle for example.

[bloodmountainman]

Does hiking the same 20 miles 1000 times count as a thru hike? I might need a badge.

[Mags]

Hardcore hikers may be gram weenies, but they suffered for their status, damn it.

You may want to look into the Catholic religion. They are big into suffering for status. :D

Now, to be a real hiker, please chant the first lines of the National Scenic Trails Act and please burn some incense to Avery and Mackaye.

This will help atone for your transgressions.

Does hiking the same 20 miles 1000 times count as a thru hike? I might need a badge

I've done the Couch-to-Fridge yo-yo 10000 times. I have several beers to prove it. Not only am I real hiker, I am real beer drinker.

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

Does hiking the same 20 miles 1000 times count as a thru hike? I might need a badge.So if I walk around my neighborhood (a distance of just over 2.1 miles for three rounds) 3,000 times I will be a thru-hiker?

::: Dino seen filling out application for the ATC badge :::

[bloodmountainman]

So if I walk around my neighborhood (a distance of just over 2.1 miles for three rounds) 3,000 times I will be a thru-hiker?

::: Dino seen filling out application for the ATC badge :::
Still haven't heard from the council on this one. I think we deserve something!!!!:eek:

[ed bell]

I have a rain jacket made by TNF, what should I do?

Signed,
Worried in Walla Walla

[MOWGLI]

Dear Mags:

I will be backpacking with three friends next month. One is a bona fide packsniffer, one is a blue blazin' hobo hiker from hell, one is a white blaze purist, and then there is me.

Here's my concern. We plan to stop at Uncle Johnny's Hostel in Erwin. If we arrive at exactly the same moment, and only one bunk is available, how do we determine who is entitled to stay? The packsniffer is whining that it should be him.

Signed,

Vexed in Valdosta

[A-Train]

Mags,

I heard, if you don't use it, you lose it. Is this true? And are they talking about things to pack, or things you pack?

[ofthearth]

Dear Mags:

I finished my thru-hike nearly 8 years ago, and still smell like I did the day I summited Katahdin. I''ve been wearing this funk like a badge of honor, but I can't seem to find any women who will date me. What should I do?

Signed,

Stinky in Secaucus

What a REAL man would do...

Napoleon, in one of his more infamous letters to Josephine, begged her not to bathe, for he wanted to enjoy her body odor to the fullest...

http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&sa=X&oi=spell&resnum=0&ct=result&cd=1&q=napoleon+josephine+odor&spell=1

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

Dear Mags,

All of my gear is made by Patagucci. Does this mean I am a packsniffer?

Fashionable in Tierra Del Fuego

[Alligator]

Dear Mags,

I've read each post on WB twice, I placed a bid on trailplace.com, I've read every journal on Trailjournals forwards and backwards, and I lurk on hammockforums and hikinghq. Can I be a regional marketer for HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT or will I have to take a hike first.

Sincerely,

Peddler
Pyramid, PA

[envirodiver]

Hmph. That's not a very good answer. I'm going to have to ask Alice.

I think that I got the best advice from the hookah smoking catapiller, who then unexplainably turned into a butterfly and flew away.

I took a good long sniff of my pack and moved on.

[envirodiver]

Dear Skids,


Also, I am pleased to announce that the HHCH will be offering classes on how to be real hiker.



Could I just use the search function on WB instead of taking the class? Cause it's obvious that the HHCH jumps into all discussion of gear or water or everything eventually. Of course in addition to buying the book HIKE MY HIKE DAMN IT. Is the sequal YOU MORON PACKSNIFFER almost finished?




Where should I send my credit card and banking information?

I found that they will bill you. You'll get an e-mail where they tell you that you need to update your bank information. Just give them whatever info they ask for an they will perform an automatic withdrawl.

[envirodiver]

Dear Stinky,

You need a Real Hiker Woman.

Accept no less!

A RHW will accept, nay RELISH, the hiker funk. Do you honestly want to be with a...PACK SNIFFER!

For those who have to actually work and need good hygiene habits, I am marketing O D HIKER. Get the REAL HIKER scent. Spray it on when needed (esp when attracting a hiker of your preferred gender).

O D HIKER has a charming smell of stale sweat, salt, wet socks and flatulence. Sure..you may be a pack sniffer if you have to use such help. But better to at least pretend you are real hiker.

Of course, real hikers don't care about personal grooming habits. I work just fine in my vacuum sealed cubicle for example.

I have tried this product and have found it to be especially effective in crowded environments, such as concerts and movie theatres.

[leeki pole]

Dear Mags,

I have a TNF hiking shirt that I really like. It has rips and tears in the sleeves that I could repair, but I have not. It looks really ratty, but it is comfortable. Does comfort make you a pack sniffer, and disqualify you for membership? I was more afraid to repair the sleeves with my Gucci sewing kit, for fear of retribution, than to leave them in their current state. Please advise.

[envirodiver]

You may want to look into the Catholic religion. They are big into suffering for status. :D

Now, to be a real hiker, please chant the first lines of the National Scenic Trails Act and please burn some incense to Avery and Mackaye.

This will help atone for your transgressions.

Does hiking the same 20 miles 1000 times count as a thru hike? I might need a badge

I've done the Couch-to-Fridge yo-yo 10000 times. I have several beers to prove it. Not only am I real hiker, I am real beer drinker.

Did you include the couch to toilet distance as well? Because I would estimate it to be 1/3 to 1/2 the couch to fridge distance. That doesn't figure in the bladder to beer ratio which may make it more difficult.

[envirodiver]

I have a rain jacket made by TNF, what should I do?

Signed,
Worried in Walla Walla

I have a rainjacket from the TNF subsidiery WT*. I bet they are the same jacket.

Signed
uncomfortable with my skin

[sheepdog]

Mags seems to have created a monster. He is falling behind in his letters. Perhaps he needs an intern. I nominate vonfrick.

[envirodiver]

Dear Mags,

I have a TNF hiking shirt that I really like. It has rips and tears in the sleeves that I could repair, but I have not. It looks really ratty, but it is comfortable. Does comfort make you a pack sniffer, and disqualify you for membership? I was more afraid to repair the sleeves with my Gucci sewing kit, for fear of retribution, than to leave them in their current state. Please advise.

Does it have any cotton in it?

[ofthearth]

Dear Skids,
Real hikers use something else. They use a portable bidet. Clean, refreshing, re-useable. They attach to your Gatorade bottle and work with a solar charger for true, green-progressive LNT nirvana.

You can order one in my book: [B]HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT!




I am hoping these classes will be conducted online. (It is widely acknowledged that online learning is superior to actual experience, since that is very hit-or-miss.)

I want to be sure to purchase of exactly the right stuff.

Where should I send my credit card and banking information?

Does HHH have a catolog so I can be sure I am getting the right gear? Is the gear blessed by any other icons?

[The Cheat]

I heard that old hikers never retire - they just rest-step away.:-?

Old hikers never die - they just smell that way.

[4eyedbuzzard]

... If we arrive at exactly the same moment, and only one bunk is available, how do we determine who is entitled to stay? ...
Signed,

Vexed in Valdosta

Whoever brought the most beer?

[taildragger]

Did you include the couch to toilet distance as well? Because I would estimate it to be 1/3 to 1/2 the couch to fridge distance. That doesn't figure in the bladder to beer ratio which may make it more difficult.

Real hikers just pee where the stand

[MOWGLI]

Real hikers just pee where the stand

Dear Mags:

Andy Skurka pees while he hikes. Then I read the above disconcerting piece of information. Is Andy a real hiker, or not?

Signed,

Dehydrated in Des Moines

[Tin Man]

Poser.

Real hikers eat with their fingers. Hard core hikers just suck the boiling soup and ramen right out of the pot. :cool:

Dang! I knew I was doing it wrong. I have been chewing the soup mix and ramen, then chasing it with water straight from the stream.

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

Dear Mags,

My neighbor just peed off his front porch. Is he a real hiker or just a packsniffing wannabe?

Whiz in Freedomville

[envirodiver]

Real hikers just pee where the stand

Note to self: Do not invite Real Hikers to my house to visit indoors.

[Mags]

Oy Vey! All these questions on how to be a Real Hiker. There is obvious a niche for this kind of information. I am glad, as duly appoint rep for the HHCH , can answer these questions.

So if I walk around my neighborhood (a distance of just over 2.1 miles for three rounds) 3,000 times I will be a thru-hiker?
The HHCH deems that you will be a thru-hiker for the Suburban Walk. This is a prestigious hike on par with The Way of St. James, the JMT and The Mall Walker Challenge.

Still haven't heard from the council on this one. I think we deserve something!!!!
You get a gold star. Collect 10 Gold Stars and you get a pizza party!


I have a rain jacket made by TNF, what should I do?
Signed,
Worried in Walla Walla

Dear Mags,
All of my gear is made by Patagucci. Does this mean I am a packsniffer?
Fashionable in Tierra Del Fuego
If your gear matches all your other gear, then you are a pack sniffer. To make even faux-outdoor gear may you look like REAL HIKER and with REAL GEAR, I suggest a few strategic patches of duct tape.

You'll still be a packsniffer, but you will not LOOK like a packsniffer.

Did you include the couch to toilet distance as well? Because I would estimate it to be 1/3 to 1/2 the couch to fridge distance. That doesn't figure in the bladder to beer ratio which may make it more difficult.
That would be aquablazing. Real Hikers only hike. Water sports are NOT allowed.


Dear Mags:

I will be backpacking with three friends next month. One is a bona fide packsniffer, one is a blue blazin' hobo hiker from hell, one is a white blaze purist, and then there is me.

Here's my concern. We plan to stop at Uncle Johnny's Hostel in Erwin. If we arrive at exactly the same moment, and only one bunk is available, how do we determine who is entitled to stay? The packsniffer is whining that it should be him.

Signed,

Vexed in Valdosta

Real Hiker don's use hostels. Real Hikers always camp out. Remember, we want the O D HIKER smell.



Mags,

I heard, if you don't use it, you lose it. Is this true? And are they talking about things to pack, or things you pack?

I haven't used a clue in many years. I am still looking for one. Perhaps I lost it?

For things to pack, remember, there can only be one, true, good list. Read the book HIKE MY HIKE DAMN IT for more details.


Dear Mags,

I've read each post on WB twice, I placed a bid on trailplace.com, I've read every journal on Trailjournals forwards and backwards, and I lurk on hammockforums and hikinghq. Can I be a regional marketer for HIKE MY HIKE, DAMN IT or will I have to take a hike first.

Sincerely,

Peddler
Pyramid, PA

Real hikers hike. But since I never let shameless commerce get in the way of a buck, you can market the book.

There are real hikers..but some of us are real capitalists too. Or just broke. Or something like that.

Could I just use the search function on WB instead of taking the class? Cause it's obvious that the HHCH jumps into all discussion of gear or water or everything eventually. Of course in addition to buying the book HIKE MY HIKE DAMN IT. Is the sequal YOU MORON PACKSNIFFER almost finished?

But you miss the true folk spirit if you do not take the class. By that meaning writing me a check, me depositing it into my checking account and taking a vacation to some tropical paradise. Do you really want me to miss out on scantily clad women feeding me grapes? I know I don't. Remember, you are HIKING MY HIKE DAMN IT. In order to hike my hike, I need the money to go to tropical paradises with scantily clad women feeding me grapes.


Bottom Line: You can't take the class online. Thank you.


YOU MORON PACKSNIFFER will be for sale at upcoming hiker gatherings. So as to not embarrass packsniffers, it will look like a faux old-school journal that is weathered, worn and well loved. Only pack sniffers have new looking electronic journals.


Dear Mags,

I have a TNF hiking shirt that I really like. It has rips and tears in the sleeves that I could repair, but I have not. It looks really ratty, but it is comfortable. Does comfort make you a pack sniffer, and disqualify you for membership? I was more afraid to repair the sleeves with my Gucci sewing kit, for fear of retribution, than to leave them in their current state. Please advise.
If you can't be a REAL HIKER, at least look like one. You'll still be a pack sniffer..but a sartorial garbed one! If you must sew your shirt, use dental floss for that REAL HIKER look.

Does HHH have a catolog so I can be sure I am getting the right gear? Is the gear blessed by any other icons?
We have several lines in our catalog for REAL HIKERS. All are hand crafted by New England grandmothers in the finest of craft traditions. They even hand sew on the MADE IN CHINA label. Honest. Pay no attention to the MADE IN CHINA label or the receipts that show the point of manufacture.

Dear Mags:

Andy Skurka pees while he hikes. Then I read the above disconcerting piece of information. Is Andy a real hiker, or not?

Signed,

Dehydrated in Des Moines

The real question is if someone pees while hiking, and it hits a mime, does the mime care he was peed on while Andy Skurka is hiking?


Dear Mags,

My neighbor just peed off his front porch. Is he a real hiker or just a packsniffing wannabe?
Did he sniff the pee? That would be gross. That would make him a peesniffer. Eewwwww!

Re: INTERN
Please see my description of the tropical paradise. Grazie!

[Tin Man]

Real hikers just pee where the stand

I guess astronauts do too... now. :eek:

Space station's sole toilet out of order (http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/space/05/27/space.toilet.ap/index.html#cnnSTCText)

The international space station's lone toilet is broken, leaving the crew with almost nowhere to go. So NASA may order an in-orbit plumbing service call when space shuttle Discovery visits next week.

http://www.cnn.com/2008/TECH/space/05/27/space.toilet.ap/index.html#cnnSTCText

[Rainman]

I have just returned from the 43rd Annual Convention of the Grand Mystic Royal Order of the Nobles of the High Holy Council of Hiking. I have been instructed to warn all of you that they have never heard of anyone named Mags and they have certainly never authorized him to speak on their behalf. The GMRONHHCH are very upset, no they are P***ed, that he did not even get the name of the organization correct. Further, the GMRONHHCH have declared that anyone seeking advise from Mags is a pack sniffer.

Understand, I do not speak for myself, in fact I do not even think for myself. I am simply passing on the orders from on high. Please do not kill the messenger.

BTW

Dear Mags:

What would a real hiker do if he was required to pass on and perpetuate edicts issued by the GMRONHHCH when he has gained so much knowledge and insight form those who have been condemned?

Signed,
Frustrated in Fresno

P.S. I really want some of that O D spray.

[Mags]

I have just returned from the 43rd Annual Convention of the Grand Mystic Royal Order of the Nobles of the High Holy Council of Hiking. I


Obviously a bunch of heretics! Trying to besmirch my (er???) good name!

Only packsniffers would pay attention to those ..well..packsniffers. I bet they don't even have the secret decoder ring!


Dear Mags:

What would a real hiker do if he was required to pass on and perpetuate edicts issued by the GMRONHHCH when he has gained so much knowledge and insight form those who have been condemned?

Signed,
Frustrated in Fresno

P.S. I really want some of that O D spray.

Say a few novenas. That's what Sr. Helen suggested we do. Condemn us to hell..but say we LOVE YOU.

Or get some duct tape. Duct tape fixed everything.

Remember this so called Grand Council is nothing but a collection of packsniffers. There is only one way. And that is definted by the HHCH (really hikers don't need super lofty titles like GMRONHHCH)

As for the spray..we'll see what we can do. I may have some authentic spray available at at 6pm MST!

[sheepdog]

Obviously a bunch of heretics! Trying to besmirch my (er???) good name!

Only packsniffers would pay attention to those ..well..packsniffers. I bet they don't even have the secret decoder ring!

Remember this so called Grand Council is nothing but a collection of packsniffers. There is only one way. And that is definted by the HHCH (really hikers don't need super lofty titles like GMRONHHCH)


PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!! I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL.....MAGS???

[Mags]

PAY NO ATTENTION TO THE MAN BEHIND THE CURTAIN!!! I AM THE GREAT AND POWERFUL.....MAGS???

Great and powerful?

More like the "pretty good and moderately competent" Mags.

I see a future in middle management!

[bloodmountainman]

Mags is the man!!! I still don't know my status...... real hiker or packsniffer?
Enlighten me Mags..... I gotta know!:confused:

[Mags]

Mags is the man!!! I still don't know my status...... real hiker or packsniffer?
Enlighten me Mags..... I gotta know!:confused:

follow the easy steps on the first message. Then, you too will know if you are packsniffer or not.

Note, I never said I am a real hiker. I ski, I don't follow white blazes, and I am currently clean shaven and showered.

But that will never stop me from telling people to HIKE MY HIKE! DAMN IT!

Thank you.

your friend,

Mags

[leeki pole]

I see a radio show in the works on the Outdoor Network. Or Versus. Or ESPN. Not TV.

Mags and Lone Wolf as hosts.:) I will produce the show for a nominal fee.

I will leave the floor open to suggestions as to a title.

And can you imagine the guests we could get? O'Reilly would pale in comparison.

[kanga]

I see a radio show in the works on the Outdoor Network. Or Versus. Or ESPN. Not TV.

Mags and Lone Wolf as hosts.:) I will produce the show for a nominal fee.

I will leave the floor open to suggestions as to a title.

And can you imagine the guests we could get? O'Reilly would pale in comparison.

"Shelters Suck"

or maybe "You're a Douche"?

[Mags]

"Shelters Suck"

or maybe "You're a Douche"?


Well, it is my show, too. I'm a bit more a gentleman plagued by Catholic guilt. :D

[kanga]

Well, it is my show, too. I'm a bit more a gentleman plagued by Catholic guilt. :D
k, how about "Forgive Me, But You're a Douche?":D

[Mags]

k, how about "Forgive Me, But You're a Douche?":D


Sound about right. I'll be a SOB, but a polite one! ;)

[Mags]

BTW..don't forget to read the one, true, correct and absolute way to hike! (http://www.pmags.com/joomla/index.php/Outdoor-Writings/hike-my-hike-damn-it.html)

(As one person pointed out to me, I am obviously the product of a Catholic school education with a phrase such as above! ;) )

[Jack Tarlin]

Bfitz has been in Hanover for almost a week, doing one thing or another.

What with walking from the house back into town every day (and sometimes more than once!!) he's probably knocked down around 45 Trail miles just in Hanover since last Friday.

So do these count as real or are these just "pack sniffer" miles?

(Oh, and he's got more Trail miles with a pack than 95% of the folks here so I hope people realize this is a joke).

[Mags]

What with walking from the house back into town every day (and sometimes more than once!!) he's probably knocked down around 45 Trail miles just in Hanover since last Friday.

So do these count as real or are these just "pack sniffer" miles?

(

Dear Jack,

This obviously strolling by BFitz makes him a section hiker with an obesession with one very small stretch of trail. It is a stretch of trail with a Ben and Jerry's on, it, though so by walking this stretch of trail you can get your Chunky Monkey fix.

your friend,

Mags

[Jack Tarlin]

Chunky Monkey?

Actually, he's more of a Chubby Hubby kinda guy, tho I will not dwell on this for any number of reasons.