I'm just curious as to whether any of you solo hikers are getting any resistance from a non-hiking partner/husband. Mine is absolutely certain that I've gone crazy. He could be worse, I suppose, because I'm spending hundreds of dollars and countless hours prepping for it. But he sure as heck doesn't understand!!

My hubbie is a non hiker also, but he supports me one hundred percent. Frankly, I think he just likes having the house to himself......

Dealing with a non-hiking spouse is an interesting feature of planning a thru-hike. In any long-running relationship, it's tough to maintain balance in the relationship, where both people give and also receive. As a hiker, it's easy to get so caught up in the excitement that one can take, take, take, without giving back. A long hike requires a lot of money and a lot of personal time. Figuring out how to compensate a spouse for giving that to you can take some ingenuity. Many non-hiking spouses (both male and female) say the answer is easy: don't hike. But if you rule that answer out, that leaves the field open for other solutions.

One important thing is to spend some time thinking about your spouse--what he might want that he's not getting. Be as giving to him as you're expecting him to be to you. Say to him, "I don't understand why you want a whatever (fly fishing trip, sports car, motocycle, etc.), but I agree that you should have it."

My husband had no interest in an AT thru-hike. But he enjoyed having a strip map of the AT in his office. He highlighted sections as I hiked them. His co-workers apparently enjoyed asking him about the hike, since they kept doing it. Little stuff like that can help, too, in addition to the Big Gift, whatever that is.

I mentioned the above post to my husband a few minutes ago. He produced one of his cycling books (Bike for Life, by Roy Wallack and Bill Katovsky) and read the following to me:

*Aim for a 5-to-1 ratio

Gottman found that successful couples have three things in common:

1) They know a lot about each other--their opinions, their needs, their perspective.
2) They maintain respect/admiration for each other.
3) They maintain a high ratio of emotional deposits (thoughtful acts) to emotional withdrawals (self-centered acts). In fact, the highest predictor of a failed relationship, says Gottman, is a low ratio.

[There is a description of a cyclist going for a six-hour ride with his friends, which is an emotional withdrawal. The thoughtful acts are fairly small things--a goodbye kiss on the forehead, bringing her a blueberry muffin after the ride, telling her he was thinking about her while riding, etc.]

...Surprisingly, it doesn't matter how small or big (one muffin or a whole box) or expensive or cheap (a new Lexus or a new sheepskin seat cover) the emotional deposits are; if there is a large ratio of them to the emotional withdrawals, the latter are better tolerated, says Gottman.

...Gottman found that the magic numer is at least 5 to 1.

Moving right along, the book describes another study of couples who have one partner with a very time-consuming passion: triathlons.

Brown's study found that triathlon gave the nonathletic partner many opportunities for supportive, affiliated roles--i.e., family nutritionist, race photographer, training-schedule watchdog--that helped make him/her feel like an important part of the enterprise. Clearly there are many potential emotional deposits at play here: the bonding of shared experience, respect and adminiration for the triathlete, and compensation from the appreciative triathlete. If, for instance, the distance to the race venue is far, triathletes might turn the trip into a family vacation, adding to the emotional payoff.

Anyway, I have wandered far from the original question, but I find the subject fascinating.

One important thing is to spend some time thinking about your spouse--what he might want that he's not getting. Be as giving to him as you're expecting him to be to you. Say to him, "I don't understand why you want a whatever (fly fishing trip, sports car, motocycle, etc.), but I agree that you should have it."

My husband had no interest in an AT thru-hike. But he enjoyed having a strip map of the AT in his office. He highlighted sections as I hiked them. His co-workers apparently enjoyed asking him about the hike, since they kept doing it. Little stuff like that can help, too, in addition to the Big Gift, whatever that is.


This is so good.

I really found it vital that my husband was on board with my dream so I felt good about leaving home and pursuing it. He likes to hike also but is slow, has back trouble also so can't do it like he wants to and finds it tough for him. But he has supported my dream and was there when the going got rough. That support, I believe, is what led to a successful completion for me. So don't count him out but count him in as a vital part of the team effort.

I mentioned the above post to my husband a few minutes ago. He produced one of his cycling books (Bike for Life, by Roy Wallack and Bill Katovsky) and read the following to me:

*Aim for a 5-to-1 ratio

Gottman found that successful couples have three things in common:

1) They know a lot about each other--their opinions, their needs, their perspective.
2) They maintain respect/admiration for each other.
3) They maintain a high ratio of emotional deposits (thoughtful acts) to emotional withdrawals (self-centered acts). In fact, the highest predictor of a failed relationship, says Gottman, is a low ratio.

[There is a description of a cyclist going for a six-hour ride with his friends, which is an emotional withdrawal. The thoughtful acts are fairly small things--a goodbye kiss on the forehead, bringing her a blueberry muffin after the ride, telling her he was thinking about her while riding, etc.]

...Surprisingly, it doesn't matter how small or big (one muffin or a whole box) or expensive or cheap (a new Lexus or a new sheepskin seat cover) the emotional deposits are; if there is a large ratio of them to the emotional withdrawals, the latter are better tolerated, says Gottman.

...Gottman found that the magic numer is at least 5 to 1.

Moving right along, the book describes another study of couples who have one partner with a very time-consuming passion: triathlons.

Brown's study found that triathlon gave the nonathletic partner many opportunities for supportive, affiliated roles--i.e., family nutritionist, race photographer, training-schedule watchdog--that helped make him/her feel like an important part of the enterprise. Clearly there are many potential emotional deposits at play here: the bonding of shared experience, respect and adminiration for the triathlete, and compensation from the appreciative triathlete. If, for instance, the distance to the race venue is far, triathletes might turn the trip into a family vacation, adding to the emotional payoff.

Anyway, I have wandered far from the original question, but I find the subject fascinating.

Great advice Marta:)

If I might have permission to add a comment, I might be able to add a perspective so far unexpressed.

go for it! and thanks to all of you who have replied. My husband and I are married 15 years now, and I am really only planning to section hike, so the adjustment for them won't be severe;only a couple of weeks. But this has developed into a passion for me. I am jealous of the thru-hikers and wish I had such freedom! While I'm gone, my husband plans to take the boys on a kind of male-bonding/hunting trip. They are excited about that. But he still seems perplexed by the whole thing...being a sedentary, conservative guy.

I have a hiking spouse and it makes it doubly hard for me to go on my own. He gets very envious of the time that I have to go and makes it very difficult for me, angrily grumbling about how it's "not fair" that I have the time, etc. This same man went on many backpacking trips without me while I was left at home with small kids. Now I have the time and the freedom and I'm going to use it. But it's hard when I am excited and want to talk about it all and he clearly doesn't want to hear it. So having a non-hiking spouse/significant other who doesn't understand isn't necessarily harder than having a spouse/significant other who does understand but doesn't support you because he/she doesn't get to along every time.

My husband does not hike, will take me to the trail and home, but has no interest in the AT. I wrote a journal over the 4 years it took to complete my hike and he never read a word. I work my hiking in around sailing season ( I hike spring and fall) and we are fine. I guess what I am saying is everyone envolved has to be flexable, and respect their partners need to do their own thing.

here's my thoughts while I was reading these posts... 1. read the text Marta posted...good advice for those currently/hope to seek/find mates...2.re-read the post- those seeking and want to keep said mates....3. I don't currently have but have had, the "other half" syndrome issue. 4. do have a house mate who thinks he's my "caretaker" and can't understand my need to go hiking...day hike okay, but not the overnight thing. But he does make a very good sherpa.
Now IF I had a "other half", it would be someone who understood my need, help me feed my need and each others needs and still maintain each ones space and harmony...share your desires to hike, involve them in the planning and they will see or not "see it". Which doesn't matter..you asked for their input they felt needed, because while your gone, they won't feel that. And if they begin to say how you'll not make it all the way, say
" maybe not,but I have to try but I'd like to know you'd come get/meet me on my way back to you". Or something similar...

my husband will do day hikes with me but not enough for my liking he does not want to do any overnight hiking (never camped out in his life nor does he have any desire to start.) He also does not want me to do any hiking alone. So I don't do much hiking anymore.

Of course your husband thinks you're crazy, chess, Dallas women are supposed to only worry about their big hair and high heels! Good luck with him, I'm trying to figure out how to tell my wife I want to go hike the GET when I get layed off in 2 weeks. I know I don't have enough good things in the emotional bank to ask.

Of course your husband thinks you're crazy, chess, Dallas women are supposed to only worry about their big hair and high heels! Good luck with him, I'm trying to figure out how to tell my wife I want to go hike the GET when I get layed off in 2 weeks. I know I don't have enough good things in the emotional bank to ask.

Well then, get busy ...

My husband is not a hiker either. We encourage each other to pursue our dreams.

Of course your husband thinks you're crazy, chess, Dallas women are supposed to only worry about their big hair and high heels! Good luck with him, I'm trying to figure out how to tell my wife I want to go hike the GET when I get layed off in 2 weeks. I know I don't have enough good things in the emotional bank to ask.

Following the posts I made a few days ago, I posed this question to my husband: Is it possible for BOTH people in a couple to have a 5-to-1 ratio? Probably not. He thinks it's more geared towards a couple that has one "normal" person and one person with an obsession about some sport or pursuit. We decided that if both people have obsessive interests, they can balance each other out.

We also concluded that deliberately using small acts to buy off the other person is a form of manipulation and is repulsive. That that only thing that really works is to have a genuine respect and appreciation for your spouse--you want to make them happy and they want to make you happy.

That said, get busy, man, and be as nice as you humanly can. Build up that emotional bank account.

We also concluded that deliberately using small acts to buy off the other person is a form of manipulation and is repulsive. That that only thing that really works is to have a genuine respect and appreciation for your spouse--you want to make them happy and they want to make you happy.


Have I told you lately how much I admire your smarts? :sun

Chess - I'm lucky to have a hiking partner/husband, so I don't have to deal with this issue.

However, I have known several women who did have to deal with resentful husbands back home. One continued her hike and then found that her husband wouldn't let her talk about her hike or what she felt about it afterwards. He wouldn't look at her pictures. She was still happy she had done it, but had a lot of anger at his attitude. He was ex military, so they were used to long separations, but he felt that her place was home taking care of him. Another friend (on the PCT) ended up going home because she didn't think her marriage would survive if she continued. She valued the marriage more than the hike. Every time she called home she got an earful of how unhappy he was. Another friend on the AT also went home because her partner would tell her constantly how lonely she was without her.

My suggestion is to get this straightened out with your husband before you leave for the trail. You don't want to start hiking and be forced to go home because he can't deal with it. You don't want to dread calling home or fear going home at the end of the hike. Talk to him about why this is important to you and see if you can get his support. Tell him, if you can, that you are willing to support his dreams (or how you have supported them in the past). See if you can get him involved in a good way with the planning of the hike and on-trail support. Talk to him about why he doesn't support you in this. He may be afraid that you plan to leave him for good. He may be worried about possible infidelity if you two are separated for so long - either yours or his. He may just not want to deal with all the chores that have been your responsibility. Or he may be jealous because he would like to do something similar but doesn't feel like he can. Talk to him about what you are both feeling. See if you can make plans to deal with the issues. He may come around on his own, but chances are better if you address the problems now, rather than trying to deal with them while you are mid-hike.

Well, advisors, we may be hiking off the main trail of AT-hike-discussion and into the great unknown of marital wilds... Reading all of the discourse has made me think that this hike & my compulsion to do it may be more of a symptom of underlying things going on in my marriage, and completely unrelated to the AT. Not that I'm planning to up and dissolve my marriage by any means, but I think this is about freedom that I haven't had in a while (like over a decade) while my children were young, and my yearning to literally and figuratively gain back some individualism. I'm still completely doing it, and my husband is still supporting me in that he is letting it happen. To expect him to cheerlead is perhaps unrealistic of me. Over 15 years people change and move through the years in their own ways, and the fact that he looks on, baffled, as I plan for this and doesn't try to put a stop to it is to his credit.
As to the emotional credits, I am not repulsed as some of you are by the marital quid pro quo. I think we all act on needs/desires and whether or not they are being met, whether consciously or not, at least to a degree. I think I do more withdrawals than deposits; I feel pretty selfish, but I just seem to want more out of life. Sitting in front of a TV for 4-5 hours a day is not enough living for me. But I'll work on that....

We also concluded that deliberately using small acts to buy off the other person is a form of manipulation and is repulsive. That that only thing that really works is to have a genuine respect and appreciation for your spouse--you want to make them happy and they want to make you happy.

Well said. It all falls apart if you're only doing it to get what you want.

My husband went thru a phase when our children were little, he had to have a Harley, then a Porsche, both of which he got because I cared what he needed/wanted, however to this day he still doesn't understand my hiking desire. Doesn't care to see my pictures nor discuss my hikes or plans. He would prefer to stay in and watch his salt water aquarium and sports on tv. Not my thing to do. Oh well, onward I go. :) Comment welcome.

Ladies,

Since I've been given permission by the OP to post a response, I'd like to just add what I think might be the missing male perspective.

Why do men resent their womenfolks leaving them and going off on their own for extended periods of time out in the woods? I think there are several reasons, and understanding these reasons may give you clues about how (or if) you'll be able to help him overcome his fears.

Oh sure, there's the selfish aspect of how men approach their women hikers:


"You mean I have to go to work, and then come home and do all the housework for 6 months too?"
"Who's going to cook?"
"Where do you even keep the vacuum cleaner?"

"I have no idea how to operate that washing machine."

You've been sharing the household load that he'll now have to carry all by himself in your absence. Hey, it's a lot of work. Also, people just get into routines that they become comfortable with, and you'll be forcing him out of his for something only you are interested in. Sure, he does that to you all the time, but he won't necessarily be thinking of it that way even if maybe he should.

And let's not forget the vow of celibacy you're forcing on him for the duration. Let's face it, you're taking a piece of gear with you that he's grown, well, kind of fond of over the years, iff'n you know what I mean.

But those are mere concerns that he has. He'll learn quick enough how to adapt to almost all of that. But that's not really what's driving his resistance. Because really ... it's all about the fear:


he fears you will realize that you don't need him
or that you might meet someone on the trail better than him, someone who likes the same things you like, someone who shares your interests, someone who, unlike himself, is in top physical conditioning; someone who's still young and sexy
he fears you might get hurt, or maybe even worse. Then how could he go on?
he fears you might become the victim of a crime, and he won't be there to protect you and he has no idea how he'd feel about that
he fears you maybe won't come back, or at least that you won't be the same person when you do come back
he fears there's a whole world out there he's not showing you and that you'll come to realize it.

These are rooted in an innate human fear, developed over thousands of years, that we men carry forward from childhood - the fear of abandonment by our mothers. But these aren't unjustified fears either. They're completely rational for a man to have about his woman.

You really are going to realize there are younger, sexier people out there who share your interests and that there's a world he's not showing you. You really might not come back (at least spiritually). You really might get hurt. You really will be a changed person even if you come back without a scratch.

So, those are some of the things he's thinking, ladies. It's up to you whether you want to spend the time assuaging those fears. You'll never eliminate them, but if you understand what he's thinking, and that it's completely rational for him to think that way - at least you have a window into his soul.

Including him in resupply (even though it is totally unnecessary) goes a long way towards making him feel needed. It gives you a reason to always be in touch with him when you get to town so he can at least have the illusion of keeping tabs on your whereabouts, health and safety. Maybe you're secretly wanting to hike in order to get away from him for a while, and you might chafe at this constant "surveillance," but let's face it ... you're probably going to come back to him at some point and it's going to be better if he felt a part of your journey than if he just sees the "chore" side of it.

If you can convince him that you can't do the hike without him (even though you know that's not the case), he'll come around. Think like he thinks - look at the situation from his perspective - and let that be your guide.

Cheers,
Buckwheat

lol Buckwheat this may shock you but not all men expect their girlfriends/wives to do all the household work. I split it 50/50 personally, sure going on camping trips makes the percentage higher but only one person in the house reduces all the chores by 50% anyway.

Good post, Buckwheat.

As far as the housework, even if you split everything 50/50 when you're at home, when you're gone, suddenly it's 100/0 in the hiker's favor. That goes for working, money, childcare, emergencies with elderly parents, household repairs, etc., too. Being the stay-at-home spouse is way less fun that being the one who goes out and does whatever. It helps, a lot, if we hikers acknowledge that.

Ah yes touché, my parents aren't elderly yet and I don't have any kids so I didn't think of those things.

buckwheat!...thank you, thank you, thank you....now I know why I don't have one of you in my space! Such a good reminder! I'll live by your words.............

Ah yes touché, my parents aren't elderly yet and I don't have any kids so I didn't think of those things.

That's one of the reasons your time of life is an excellent one for thru-hiking.

OTOH, if you have a supportive spouse, it's pretty amazing to have someone at home taking care of business while you get out and hike.

buckwheat!...thank you, thank you, thank you....now I know why I don't have one of you in my space! Such a good reminder! I'll live by your words.............

Not sure I understand what you mean by this. I guess you're saying "I'm so glad I don't have a 'man' in my 'space'" and if that's what you're saying, then I think it's safe to say we're not considering it any great loss.

Buckwheat, that was a well-thought out response from someone who obviously understands the intricacies & realities of a long marriage (w/kids I'm assuming?). Those are probably some of the fears my husband has; I especially felt a touch of recognition in reading the one about his fears that I may become a different person. And the potential danger I may be exposed to which he can do nothing about. No offense taken whatsoever about the housework stuff; successful marriages have to find their own divisions of labor; I happily take on some of the easier domestic chores in exchange for not dealing w/inclement weather w/taking out the garbage, maintaining the exterior of the house, lawns, pool, and weed-eating!
Thanks again for the reality check. :o

The Week the Women Went

http://www.cbc.ca/thewomenwent/press_season1.php
http://www.cbc.ca/thewomenwent/episodes.php

I should have given this season 2 teaser from Tatamagouche...
http://www.cbc.ca/thewomenwent/episodes.php?id=41&season=2&vid=969194835

lol Buckwheat this may shock you but not all men expect their girlfriends/wives to do all the household work. I split it 50/50 personally, sure going on camping trips makes the percentage higher but only one person in the house reduces all the chores by 50% anyway.

That's all you got out of Buckwheat's post? Oh wait, you're 19. Anyway.....I think you could reverse genders in Buckwheat's post, and it still works. Tough to turn your SO loose for 6 months, and hope they come back. For either gender.

My wife does most of the housework, like well over 95%.
I'm not saying that's the way it should be, just that that's the way it is.
She keeps a really nice house, and its really nice to come home to.

If she went away for 6 months it wouldn't be for hiking. It would have to be prison or something.
She would probably clean that place too. No doubt.

I don't really have that much say around the house. I might start vacuuming though.
She says she hates vacuuming. Maybe that's something she might let me do wrong and get away with.

I happily take on some of the easier domestic chores in exchange for not dealing w/inclement weather w/taking out the garbage, maintaining the exterior of the house, lawns, pool, and weed-eating!
Thanks again for the reality check. :o

You're very welcome.

And I agree that the term "housework" includes lots of chores that go on in the garage, in the yard, in smelly trash cans, up on the roof, in the muckety gutters and damp crawl spaces, etc. 50/50 includes all that stuff too.

I'm still gonna try and start vacuuming once a week.

Medals and awards may be sent via Rock and Dixicritter.

My husband has no interest in backpacking either but does support my want/need to go. I don't plan a thru hike but go for a week at a time for sections. He would not want me to hike solo but then I don't want to either. The emotional bank account is so true but I have seen it in reverse as my husband deposit in my emotional account often. When he wants to go on a football weekend or road trip with the guys or a fishing weekend or week in Grand Isle I never question it or say no. But he never questions or says no to all the times I've been gone for two weeks or more on the trail.

My wife does most of the housework, like well over 95%.
I'm not saying that's the way it should be, just that that's the way it is.
She keeps a really nice house, and its really nice to come home to.



I do about 80% of it because I like how I clean much better than my dh and son.

Though while I was gone this past week my hubby was on his hands and knees scrubbing the kitchen floor. Nice guy!

My hubbie doesn't hike but is very supportive. I think he likes having the house to himself.....:confused:

My hubbie doesn't hike but is very supportive. I think he likes having the house to himself.....:confused:

Nice to see you here, Lilred. Stay a while longer.:sun

I'm a "husband"[I hope I don't get into trouble for being in the female forum], and I do, "like" having the house to myself.
It's also great to have ones' spouse return. Win/Win.

I agree with the concept in Martas' post of "emotional withdrawals and deposits".
We probably all should/could be making more deposits, than what we do.

And perhaps, as Buckwheat related[think like he thinks], allowing your spouse to be an integral part of the entire process[sounds like you're attempting to do that], you may have good success in alleviating most, if not all, of his misgivings. And, if you don't, "remove the fears"; ask him, "how you might achieve that goal to ease his fears".
As far as the "chores" aspect, I always liked the saying, "clean enough to be healthy, dirty enough to be lived in". But, I do like sleeping on the ground, afterall. If someone needs "spotless housekeeping", I suggest maid service.

So, chess, get busy with those "deposits", and alleviating the "fears", and I bet you'll have success in your quest. Good luck.

Thanks for allowing me to participate in this insightful discussion.

I've been dreaming of a thru hike my entire life (since I was ten, so, well, over half of it!) and now I'm 21, married, getting over an injury and dealing with DH being gone with the military constantly. Honestly, if I'd been well enough to do it I would've gone while he was deployed for 14 months! But I wasn't so oh well.

Now he doesn't want me gone for that long, and we don't have money for me to fly or drive all over the eastern seaboard to section hike it. Hm. Plus we have two dogs and a cat now, versus the one (small corgi) dog we had while he was gone.

All I can do is try and find a hiking partner, get back into shape (he worries I'll hurt myself again), and try and help him feel more confident in me. After that, I'm going to get him involved in planning and preparations, and when the time finally comes for me to head out-nothing else for it but for him to pray for me, for me to pray for him, and to keep in touch as often as possible.

Also, something I didn't see mentioned here...ASK your partner how to help him or her feel better about you going! A lot of silly things DH Vince and I could've worked out easily ended up being big "things" because neither of us asked how to help the other get over it. We just said, "Get over it!" and the other person got pissed. LOL.

Yeah...that's all I've got. X3

I posed this question to my husband: Is it possible for BOTH people in a couple to have a 5-to-1 ratio? Probably not.

Ah, but if it feels to each of you that you giving at a 5-to-1 ratio, it may feel to your spouse that it's more like a 2-to-1 ratio, so do your best!

Jonathan

And perhaps, as Buckwheat related[think like he thinks], allowing your spouse to be an integral part of the entire process[sounds like you're attempting to do that], you may have good success in alleviating most, if not all, of his misgivings.

This may be obvious, but I'll say it anyway.

Most of us guys want to be giving and loving, and it is really helpful to give us a well-defined, useful role. Especially if it really *is* a useful role. If it were me, I'd feel better about it if I could give you a ride to the trailhead, help you with resupply, talk to you regularly to at least know you are OK.

But you have to do it in a way that he doesn't feel forced or threatened. And as Marta pointed out, it's a lot easier to be giving if you feel given to.

Jonathan

Also, something I didn't see mentioned here...ASK your partner how to help him or her feel better about you going! A lot of silly things DH Vince and I could've worked out easily ended up being big "things" because neither of us asked how to help the other get over it. We just said, "Get over it!" and the other person got pissed. LOL.

When it comes down to it, we each have to do our best to teach our partners how to love us. That's not something most people can figure out without some help.

To me, one of the central aspects of a relationship is giving and receiving caring, learning how to love the other person and teaching them how to love us. So wanting to give and wanting to learn how to be giving in a way that really matters to your spouse are both very, very important.

Jonathan

I did a lot of marital counseling as a pastor and I got a quick knack for which marriages were going to make it and which weren't and I could tell before they even got married.

Real simple, there are two ways people look at marriage:

1. What am I getting out of it? (I'm the most important one here)
2. What else can I do for my spouse? (They're the most important one here)

Type one marriages are in trouble and I could pick up on it very quickly.

The weird marriages were when you got one of each. These marriages seemed abusive in one way or another.

I don't think your spouse has to understand or even be enthusiastic, but if they don't try to stop you then they're probably a type 2 person and there will come a time when they get enthused or at least bemused by your thru-hiker stories.

One last thought...I have read somewhere (perhaps AWOL's book) that a big factor in a lot of thru-hikers quitting is the constant negative attitude of the person back home when they called. I think you need to agree before you leave that the person at home won't encourage you to quit when you call home after a bad day. Keep the gripes to a minimum on both sides when you call. The person at home doesn't need to tell you about the dryer being broken and they certainly don't want to hear you complain about the hard climb you did or how sick you are of Ramen Noodles on the hike you CHOSE to go on. Keep the phone calls positive!

This all sounds so complicated.

We've been married 20 years (together for 23) and have 3 children, ages 14, 16, and 18. When we met, I drove a truck and my future spouse was a waitress at Shoneys. Fast forward 20 years and I own a payment processing company and earn a 6 figure income and she has enough letters behind her name to play alphabet soup. We've been through death of parents, siblings, college, addiction and wondered down various spiritual paths in the time we've been together.

For me, it is very simple. I want my partner to be happy, whatever happy means to her. Quite literally, it makes me happy to see her happy.

Based on her actions, I believe that this is mutual.

I do not want to be in a relationship where partners have to play games to get their needs met. But, even this is tricky... relationships are always evolving and our marriage didn't start off where it is now.

If you're envious because someone sounds like they have a more open, reciprocal relationship keep in mind that the whole thing is a process and the way things are now are not necessarily how they'll be in the future.

I believe it is about freedom. I was married 23 years husband met someone else and left. I was devastated, got my son thru college, got back on feet after a few years now I am into kayaking, hiking, visiting friends around the country on spare vacations and I have a great feeling of freedom for the first time in years. Not that I am advocating not being married or getting out of a marriage, but I was afraid of being alone and have found that I love it. For me it is freedom no more his vacations to get him to go and no more not doing outside things because his idea of camping was in the Hilton. To sound corny I really have found myself and I like what I have right now. Now all I need is time and money. LOL......

I'm new to hiking, and I probably won't bring much to this, but I do want to put this out there.

My hubby's military. There's some chance of him deploying of course, but with the job he has right now it will probably be awhile before he does (9 months to a year maybe more before he gets word of a trip?). I'm just going back to college for photography. If all goes well I should finish in the Spring of 2012. My plan is to try for a thruhike after I graduate (I would hope to be able to do it then, but I plan for NOBO...so it'll depend on my schedule and when I finish school). BUT...the hubs (although he's super gung ho about me trying out hiking and is behind me on my goal to thru hike the AT) he's not so comfortable of me going it alone. He's super protective (not in the overbearing bad way...he's really very sweet about it). So my plans may change if a deployment of a reasonable length comes up before I graduate (school probably will be put on hold).

It all depends. As supportive as my hubs is about me going at it after I graduate, he's much more receptive of me doing it during a deployment (even though he'll be that much farther away) because he knows that not only will the hike keep too busy to worry too much about him, but also he'll be too busy to worry too much about me. To us that is a win/win. :)

It all depends. As supportive as my hubs is about me going at it after I graduate, he's much more receptive of me doing it during a deployment (even though he'll be that much farther away) because he knows that not only will the hike keep too busy to worry too much about him, but also he'll be too busy to worry too much about me. To us that is a win/win. :)

Definitely sounds like win/win. A major issue for those of us who are married is missing the one back home. Especially with the career your husband has, it seems crazy for you to hike when you have the opportunity to be together. If you're separated anyway, why not hike then? Great idea!

My husband does not like to hike at all!!! I live in Texas so I have to prepared, pack, fly, be out of verbal contact for days when on trail. yep he doesn't like the idea. We are recently married and i haven't convienced him yet !!!! So I tell him "hiking to me is like fishing to you".

I agree with you !!! Freedom that i never had before!! Raising kids and husband, now kids older WOW!!! great!!

ok chess your my age and your from my area- we might have to plan trip together to settle their apprehensions. I'VE only hiked Georgia section 2 years ago and nothing since. I want to go back to any sections SOOOOO BAD I love it.

My husband has zero interest in my obsession with the AT. He doesn't even read my journal. He thinks the AT hikers are a parade of homeless people and nut cases. We've been together for 20 years and I made it clear 20 years ago that I was going to hike the AT someday - so there were no surprises when I started doing it last year - after retiring early. He will drop me off and pick me up for section hikes if I can make it convenient for him - but I try to do them in areas where he can play during the day. I also work in hikes with other trips we are taking. I just completed Maryland and did the PA portion to Caledonia, and he played in Gettysburg for a few days. I plan on doing a few days around Bear Mountain in NY next week and he will go and do the West Point tour stuff. I do sections by myself all of the time - I carry the SPOT device which gives him (and my mother) some comfort. If he worries, he never says anything. I attempted a thru last year but had too many issues with my feet and had to drop out. I made sure to schedule side trips so he could meet me and we could vacation for a few days along the way - Asheville for 4 days; Hot Springs and the Homestead in VA for a few days - things like that. I ended up dropping out well before that but I had it all planned. I am fortunate in that he does most of the cooking and can handle the cleaning, laundry, etc quite well. So I have no qualms about leaving him to fend for himself. I guess it all depends on the person - and the fact that I pretty much made it a condition of our relationship when we first started dating!:)

I'm just curious as to whether any of you solo hikers are getting any resistance from a non-hiking partner/husband. Mine is absolutely certain that I've gone crazy. He could be worse, I suppose, because I'm spending hundreds of dollars and countless hours prepping for it. But he sure as heck doesn't understand!!

I have the same situation! It is a creazy thing!:eek:

Thanks buckwheat and Marta....these are words of wisdom for all who want to better any relationship.

My hubby is handling this so well that he has decided to join me! I am happy about this as he needs a break from his job,,,,loves the wilderness, and is in good shape to do this! Funny guy who will add a wonderful dimension to this whole adventure. I certainly will have someone to talk to about this on our return, no matter how long this trek lasts.

We talk about this constantly now and he has even started counting down the days..We are out on the Trail from Springer Mtn. on March 15th 2010.!!

Good luck all, and it will all turn out for the best for all involved.

Ohmeringue

My hubby is handling this so well that he has decided to join me! I am happy about this as he needs a break from his job,,,,loves the wilderness, and is in good shape to do this! Funny guy who will add a wonderful dimension to this whole adventure. I certainly will have someone to talk to about this on our return, no matter how long this trek lasts.

We talk about this constantly now and he has even started counting down the days..We are out on the Trail from Springer Mtn. on March 15th 2010.!!

Good luck all, and it will all turn out for the best for all involved.

Ohmeringue

Very cool! Good luck for a wonderful journey.