Lemni Skate
06-02-2011, 20:13
I posted this in another thread five months ago, but I decided it was clever enough to get it's own thread and have WhiteBlazers with their unique humor add in.
Since, obviously nobody believes in "Hike your own hike" we need some sort of rating system for each hike:
"Pinky Blazer" - Person starts on top of Springer and ends up on top of Katahdin. What happens in between is irrelevant. They can take planes, steal cars, bum food, carry out affairs with hostel owners, or make a day-hiker carry their pack at gun point.
"Supported Hike" - Women wearing heavy duty sports bras and men wearing jock straps.
"Super-Purist" - Hikes the trail naked and refuses to eat or drink anything unless he actually finds it lying on the trail and it was clearly not put there by a person or an animal with more intelligence than a rabbit. He carries no pack or water bottles and refuses luxuries like privies.
"Changling Blazer" - Starts out as a Super-Purist and by the time he reaches North Carolina has become a Pinky.
"Thumbless Blazer" - No hitchhiking allowed. This person hikes from end to end without ever getting in a vehicle.
"Blue ball blazer" - Celibate for the entire trip.
"Baptist Blazer" - Manages to do the whole thing without one beer.
"AYOB Blazer" - Gains weight while on the trail.
"Whipped Blazer" - Carries all of his gear and his significant other's gear.
"Psychedelic Blazer" - Smokes at least one consciousness altering substance between every pair of shelters.
"Techno Blazer" - Has i-pod, GPS, notebook computer, i-phone, laser campsite leveler, etc.
"Blazer Blazer" - Hikes entire trail in a sharp looking Navy Blue jacket.
"Entourage Blazer" - Hikes with a group of hangers-on and never experiences any solitude on trail.
"Bumpkin Blazer" - Hikes the AT because the shelters are nicer than his home.
"Bimbo Blazer" - Hikes AT by flying to foreign countries and spending time with mistress.
"Braggart Blazer" - Hikes AT just as an easy way to recover from the real hiking they've been doing in Alaska.
"Green Blazer" - Decided to hike the trail after earning a fortune in business and can afford all the best gear and all the best accomodations in trail towns.
"Start a Blaze Blazer" - Has to have a campfire every night--even in areas where it's prohibited.
"Brown Blazer" - Intestinal distress for most of hike.
"Grumpy Blazer" - Tells anyone who will listen how horrible hike is.
"AA Blazer" - Generally spends extra zero days in every trail town due to hangover.
"Mystery Blazer" - No one has ever found out where he's from, what his real name is or what he did before he got on the trail.
"Spray Blazer" - Always "takes a whiz" within one or two steps of the trail.
Since, obviously nobody believes in "Hike your own hike" we need some sort of rating system for each hike:
"Pinky Blazer" - Person starts on top of Springer and ends up on top of Katahdin. What happens in between is irrelevant. They can take planes, steal cars, bum food, carry out affairs with hostel owners, or make a day-hiker carry their pack at gun point.
"Supported Hike" - Women wearing heavy duty sports bras and men wearing jock straps.
"Super-Purist" - Hikes the trail naked and refuses to eat or drink anything unless he actually finds it lying on the trail and it was clearly not put there by a person or an animal with more intelligence than a rabbit. He carries no pack or water bottles and refuses luxuries like privies.
"Changling Blazer" - Starts out as a Super-Purist and by the time he reaches North Carolina has become a Pinky.
"Thumbless Blazer" - No hitchhiking allowed. This person hikes from end to end without ever getting in a vehicle.
"Blue ball blazer" - Celibate for the entire trip.
"Baptist Blazer" - Manages to do the whole thing without one beer.
"AYOB Blazer" - Gains weight while on the trail.
"Whipped Blazer" - Carries all of his gear and his significant other's gear.
"Psychedelic Blazer" - Smokes at least one consciousness altering substance between every pair of shelters.
"Techno Blazer" - Has i-pod, GPS, notebook computer, i-phone, laser campsite leveler, etc.
"Blazer Blazer" - Hikes entire trail in a sharp looking Navy Blue jacket.
"Entourage Blazer" - Hikes with a group of hangers-on and never experiences any solitude on trail.
"Bumpkin Blazer" - Hikes the AT because the shelters are nicer than his home.
"Bimbo Blazer" - Hikes AT by flying to foreign countries and spending time with mistress.
"Braggart Blazer" - Hikes AT just as an easy way to recover from the real hiking they've been doing in Alaska.
"Green Blazer" - Decided to hike the trail after earning a fortune in business and can afford all the best gear and all the best accomodations in trail towns.
"Start a Blaze Blazer" - Has to have a campfire every night--even in areas where it's prohibited.
"Brown Blazer" - Intestinal distress for most of hike.
"Grumpy Blazer" - Tells anyone who will listen how horrible hike is.
"AA Blazer" - Generally spends extra zero days in every trail town due to hangover.
"Mystery Blazer" - No one has ever found out where he's from, what his real name is or what he did before he got on the trail.
"Spray Blazer" - Always "takes a whiz" within one or two steps of the trail.