Hiking with BF(future husband) for first long hike

[bigcranky]

My wife and I have been backpacking together for more than twenty years, mostly weekends and some week-long trips. Nothing over 75 or 80 miles. This summer we did our first long hike together, the Long Trail in Vermont, which is about 275 miles. So she had a lot of backpacking experience, but very limited thru-hiking experience, like hitching and resupplying and all that.

We spent 27 days on the trail, 24 hours a day, never more than a few yards from each other. We LOVED it. Being able to have that kind of one-on-one time, without any of the distractions of modern life, was an amazing gift.

Of course there are challenges. We were lucky in that when one of us was having a bad morning, the other one was in pretty good shape and could offer support. We also rallied as a team against a common enemy -- the trail itself. (Gah. #$%#$%%$ Long Trail. I think I set a record for f-bombs in one month.)

Some thoughts:

Get experience hiking with your gear, setting up camp, etc. It doesn't take long to get into a routine, but it helps if you already have some idea how to pack your own pack, how you both will split up camp chores, whether you like to eat the same things, etc. When we get to camp, my wife goes to the water source and fills our water bags, while I set up the tent. Then she sets up all of our sleeping gear inside the tent while I filter water and start dinner. The end result is a nice campsite and dinner, all at about the same time. In the morning I get up and go get our food bags to start coffee and breakfast while she packs all the sleeping gear and starts tossing stuff sacks out of the tent. Then we pack up and sit down for breakfast.

On the AT I would suggest that you be willing to hike apart when necessary, but I don't know if that's a good idea on the IAT.

Give each other some space when needed.

Give some thought ahead of time to what each of you will do if one or the other decides to get off the trail. Keep hiking, with support from the other person? Get off the trail as well?

Also think about hiking style and how that affects both of you. If one of you is a "get up at 5am and hike fast all day" type of hiker, and the other is a "sleep until 9 and stop at every overlook" type, that's something to work out in advance. You probably don't know what kind of hiker you are, yet, but you can think about how goal oriented you are, and how you handle challenges and work with other people out in the world.

Thru-hiking is work, and it's frankly harder than my regular job. Way harder. There are plenty of times when it's not really much fun, too. But the good parts are REALLY good, and what I remember when I'm finished is the views from all the mountains that I climbed, and the way the light looked slanting across the pond at sunset, and the feeling of exhilaration during a storm, and the cool air blowing across my face at night. It also makes me appreciate all the little things that I ignore in the modern world. Like showers, and pizza, and cold beer, preferably all at the same time

Good luck. This is a way to get to know someone else on a fundamental level, deeper than you ever thought possible.

[rocketsocks]

My wife and I have been backpacking together for more than twenty years, mostly weekends and some week-long trips. Nothing over 75 or 80 miles. This summer we did our first long hike together, the Long Trail in Vermont, which is about 275 miles. So she had a lot of backpacking experience, but very limited thru-hiking experience, like hitching and resupplying and all that.

We spent 27 days on the trail, 24 hours a day, never more than a few yards from each other. We LOVED it. Being able to have that kind of one-on-one time, without any of the distractions of modern life, was an amazing gift.

Of course there are challenges. We were lucky in that when one of us was having a bad morning, the other one was in pretty good shape and could offer support. We also rallied as a team against a common enemy -- the trail itself. (Gah. #$%#$%%$ Long Trail. I think I set a record for f-bombs in one month.)

Some thoughts:

Get experience hiking with your gear, setting up camp, etc. It doesn't take long to get into a routine, but it helps if you already have some idea how to pack your own pack, how you both will split up camp chores, whether you like to eat the same things, etc. When we get to camp, my wife goes to the water source and fills our water bags, while I set up the tent. Then she sets up all of our sleeping gear inside the tent while I filter water and start dinner. The end result is a nice campsite and dinner, all at about the same time. In the morning I get up and go get our food bags to start coffee and breakfast while she packs all the sleeping gear and starts tossing stuff sacks out of the tent. Then we pack up and sit down for breakfast.

On the AT I would suggest that you be willing to hike apart when necessary, but I don't know if that's a good idea on the IAT.

Give each other some space when needed.

Give some thought ahead of time to what each of you will do if one or the other decides to get off the trail. Keep hiking, with support from the other person? Get off the trail as well?

Also think about hiking style and how that affects both of you. If one of you is a "get up at 5am and hike fast all day" type of hiker, and the other is a "sleep until 9 and stop at every overlook" type, that's something to work out in advance. You probably don't know what kind of hiker you are, yet, but you can think about how goal oriented you are, and how you handle challenges and work with other people out in the world.

Thru-hiking is work, and it's frankly harder than my regular job. Way harder. There are plenty of times when it's not really much fun, too. But the good parts are REALLY good, and what I remember when I'm finished is the views from all the mountains that I climbed, and the way the light looked slanting across the pond at sunset, and the feeling of exhileration during a storm, and the cool air blowing across my face at night. It also makes me appreciate all the little things that I ignore in the modern world. Like showers, and pizza, and cold beer, preferably all at the same time

Good luck. This is a way to get to know someone else on a fundamental level, deeper than you ever thought possible.

+1 on all bigcranky said...especially this.

[bangorme]

Ah, married couples sharing hobbies... that's risky business. Especially when one has to "teach" the other the hobby. Some couples can do it, but just understand that it adds some additional stress to the adventure, and there is no escaping each other when you are stuck together in a four foot wide tent for a few days. I could give you some horror stories, but I'm not going to. Give it a shot, just don't make the sharing of this hobby more important than what it is. I've been married over 40 years and enjoy the solitude backpacking can provide.

[squeezebox]

( future husband)
I read a computer blog a while ago, written by a woman who complained that she recently changed from boy friend 12.4 to husband 1.0 program. She complained about the flatulance, lack of flowers etc. She was informed that boy friend was an entertainment program , where as husband is a daily operating system.
She was also warned that the 2 programs were incompatible, and should never be run at the same time.

[BCPete]

... stuck together in a four foot wide tent for a few days.

My wife & I were stuck in our tent for 4.5 days straight during a trip in Gates of the Arctic NP. No big deal, but I suppose it helps to have always been pretty mellow with each other's habits. Hint: It really helps if you can genuinely laugh off her winning the daily farting contests.

[fiddlehead]

Just be sure that you want to do this. That's a hell of a test for a relationship. Hikers tend to do things differently and at their own pace. On an adventure like this, all of the little things become big things, and there will be no other room to retreat to when you need some space.

I say this because my friend's brother did a thru of the AT for a honeymoon. At the end of the trail, they went their separate ways.

This can go both ways.
In '77, I thru-hiked with my (then) girlfriend.
We got along so good on the trail and being together 24/7 that we got married afterwards.
The marriage lasted less time than the thru-hike.
When we weren't together, and didn't see each other much, well............it didn't work out.

I saw her last year (what's that? 36 years later?) and she told me she still thinks about that hike often and misses the trail.
We live in different hemispheres now, I still hike, she just thinks about it.
Just sayin.

You'll discover a LOT about your future husband.
Good luck.
Enjoy the trail.

[Speakeasy TN]

http://www.trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?id=336990


I had the pleasure of hiking with Trudge and Eureka. Well written journal and real world issues.

[Tianto]

My wife and I have backpacked all over and in some of the remote places in the world (think 2 days and a bush pilot to get to the starting line). Interestingly enough we get along better on the trail that at home as you have to rely on each other. It is a great way to learn each others strengths and weaknesses. The only thing that weighed heavy on me was when we were doing technical stuff (i.e. glacier crossing, scree hopping at 10k ft) as I sometimes found it hard to focus on my task due to the fact that I worried about her safety.

A long hike is a great way to work out the bugs in your relationship and determine weather or not your compatible, the technical stuff will come with time. We have spent 20 yrs enjoying the backcountry of many continents and for me, she is the only one I would rather hike with.