Convincing family you're going to thru hike

[Miu]

I'm curious to know how everyone has dealt with/is dealing with convincing family to accept your decision to hike the AT.

My family is really apprehensive about the idea of me, a young girl, hiking solo with no man to protect me from two legged predators. I don't think they're worried about dangers of the woods, they're worried about people.

My boyfriend is worrying about the above too, but he also doesn't want us to be apart for so long. His family thinks it automatically means a break up.

I know that women have to calm the fears of friends and family to a greater extent than men, so I was wondering how every one else got through it.

[Jim Adams]

Statistics show that you are actually safer on the trail than at home. The male hikers that I've met on the trail in two thru hikes have never been a danger or threat to any female hikers. Usually most of the thru hikers become very good friends and tend to watch over each other's safety.

geek

[kyerger]

I agree with Jim. I hiked a lot of the trail last year and the people on the trail are so nice. I saw a lot of female hikers and never felt they saw me as a threat to them. The trail ie a wonderful place to be. I say go for it, it is an once in a lifetime trip.

[hammock engineer]

From another guy, but maybe I can help a little.

I told my family last year when I was 27. I heard the usual: why would you, you'll get bored, isn't that dangerous, are you taking a gun (I repiled no I do not want to go to jail, please no one hyjack the thread on this), it's too dangerous, don't do it by yourself.

When people cringe when I tell them that I am doing it solo, I say it is like driving in my car by myself in rush hour traffic. I am by myself yet never alone.

In the end my family knows that I am going to do whatever I put my mind to regardless of what they say.

It did take awhile. I had to flat out tell a couple family member (including my mom) not to tell me that I can't or it is alright if you change your mind. After that I think they understand a little more that it was going to happen.

Here is a really good book written by a women talking about her expereriences. A lot different from your background, but a good read.

http://www.trailquest.net/dlgcmyjourney.html

[1Pint]

I'm curious to know how everyone has dealt with/is dealing with convincing family to accept your decision to hike the AT.
------
I know that women have to calm the fears of friends and family to a greater extent than men, so I was wondering how every one else got through it.

Hi Miu and to WB!

I completely agree with you that as women we feel responsible for reassuring our friends and family that we'll be okay. We are not responsible for their feelings, but we do feel that way.

I haven't convinced the people around me that this is a safe thing to do or that it's a responsible life decision. I have listened to their arguments and provided my version of the answers. I've given them opportunities to vent their angst and told them things that I thought would reassure. (I continue to be teased mercilessly about being killed in my sleep because when I tried to explain why taking a gun would not help, I said that the women who'd been killed on or near the trail had all been killed in their sleep, so a gun wouldn't help...well, my friends haven't let that go.)

I've been doing things my family can't understand since I was 17, so I think they've gotten used to me being far away both geographically and conceptually.

What it boils down to, I guess, is that you should allow them to say what they need to say and then you should do what you need to do. You can't argue away their concerns. It's just not going to happen.

Good luck and I hope to see you on the trail! Strength in numbers!! Just imagine how reassured they'd feel if they saw lots of other women hikers on the trail.
Laura

[Miu]

Well I've got lots of time for convincing, so I'll see how that goes. I'm aiming for an '08 hike. Trying to convince my brother to go with me, he's got loads of time and no responsibilities!

[PJ 2005]

I would recommend starting in late March, when there are a lot of people around. You will meet a lot of great people, and they'll feel a certain obligation to make sure you're safe. The trail community is very protective of its own, especially women.

The only thing that might be a little sketchy is hitching into towns, but there will be others around you doing the same. I wouldn't hitch alone.

[Jim Adams]

Mui,
I realize that you live a good distance from Virginia but since you aren't hiking until '08, try to go to Trail Days this year and take a family memeber, possibly your brother. Although it does not truely reflect what it is like on the trail, it will show them the friendship and family type atmosphere and help to ease the minds of the rest of the family. Good luck.
geek

[Blissful]

Trying to convince my brother to go with me, he's got loads of time and no responsibilities!

That would be good, and you can split the weight. That is, if he gets motivated. Took my son a few years to like the idea and realize he's got an investment in this thing too (he's a teen). Getting him out on the trails and meeting fellow hikers was probably the best thing for him. And he likes WB.

The only people in my family against it are my parents. Esp my dad who is into that danger mentality and being in the woods for days on end. He wonders why I have to be gone so long, and the big thing - I'm too old to do this. Hopefully that will change when I call them soon and tell them - um, uh, I leave in a week. Here's my itinerary. Bon voyage. I still think he thinks I'm really not going to do it. That I wouldn't be that crazy. That I will change my mind.

Uh...nope.

[Blissful]

Mui,
I realize that you live a good distance from Virginia but since you aren't hiking until '08, try to go to Trail Days this year and take a family memeber, possibly your brother. Although it does not truely reflect what it is like on the trail, it will show them the friendship and family type atmosphere and help to ease the minds of the rest of the family. Good luck.
geek

Yes, excellent idea! Took my son to Trail Days - he absolutely loved it! Esp the water gun fight, the wood carving, and he liked...uh, hitchhiking around town. Yikes.

[Jim Adams]

Blissful,
You rock---surprise him good!
geek

[Lone Wolf]

Mui,
I realize that you live a good distance from Virginia but since you aren't hiking until '08, try to go to Trail Days this year and take a family memeber, possibly your brother. Although it does not truely reflect what it is like on the trail, it will show them the friendship and family type atmosphere and help to ease the minds of the rest of the family. Good luck.
geek

make sure you bring the family member to the campground around midnite and go to the drum circle to watch the half-naked, drunkin trustafarians walk around in a circle dry-humpin' one another. then wander all thru camp listening to the sounds of puking.

[T-Dubs]

make sure you bring the family member to the campground around midnite and go to the drum circle to watch the half-naked, drunkin trustafarians walk around in a circle dry-humpin' one another. then wander all thru camp listening to the sounds of puking.

You've just planned our next family outing. "Kids, get in the car!"

Tom

[Mammoth]

My family seems to realize that I already have the knowledge and experience to handle the trail, so if they ever have a problem, I just ask them to deal with it on their own, their paranoia is their own problem. I don't think that there is any way to keep everyone happy about hiking the trail as a female our age, so my attitude is that they just have to accept it, it's your hike.

My mom suggested that I just go out for a month, or a couple of states, instead of the whole thing. And come back to what? A job, more school? I'll pass on that. But when I talk about my hike to my family or friends, I try my best to treat it like a vacation, not a life-changing epic trek. People shouldn't begrudge you a vacation! :-) Good luck, and hopefully I'll see you in '08.

[RockyBob]

Take your boyfriend with you on your thru hike. It will be an experience that will bond the two of you forever

[VictoriaM]

"Sex and Stalking along the Appalachian trail"
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showthread.php?t=16948

Miu, don't even bother clicking that link. It's a lot of nonsense.

[Nameless]

I had a little of the same troubles before my first thru attempt. My parents were extremely concerned about me going alone. Everything was about how dangerous it was to be alone.

So, I brought my mother along for the 100 mile wilderness (I went SOBO). We met amazing people that we hiked with the whole time, and she came to understand that there is a community out there that will keep an eye out for you. You are only as alone as you let yourself be. This won't work out for everyone, but it worked well for my mother and me because we have always backpacked together. Since we live so far apart we find it a better use of our time to do a week long trip together than to visit one or the other for a week.

But, this time I'm bringing the boyfriend. He's had a whole one night of backpacking experience, but I'm sure that it will go great.

Pink

[Miu]

My parents thought about having different members of the family hike different sections with me, and that sounded fun. They're a pretty outdoorsy family. I don't think any of us have ever been to the East coast!

When I told my brother he should hike with me he asked, "How much weed would I need to bring for that long?" I think it would be pretty difficult to get that one motivated to save money to buy things other than bongs.

I want my boyfriend to go, but...I know he doesn't really want to and his only reason for going would be to look after me. I feel like that kind of an attitude will set us up for failure. He also has a lot of bills, crappy job with no disposable income, and might possibly still be in school at that time...

[Marta]

Some people will never be convinced. Ever. Reason has no effect on their feelings. Never had and never will.

If these unconvinceable people happen to be your parents, you just have to do whatever you're going to do anyway. (This may sound weird coming from the parent of three--which I am--but I feel very strongly about it.)

This is an excerpt from a recent email I received from my mother--AFTER I have safely completed 97% of my hike.

My mother wrote: "I am still not sure it could possibly be worth it - the hardships and dangers seem to outweigh the benefits and rewards...but in spite of my feelings about that, we are very proud of your strength and determination. I think the greatest lesson learned is 'only hike with a partner'... An ordeal like what you put yourself through is beyond my understanding." She also said she felt cheated of my presence by my being away for so long.

But I have been doing whatever the hell I wanted for a very long time. I have not asked permission and have not expected support--financial, logistical, or emotional--since I was somewhat younger than you are now. I think I'm stronger because of it.

I hope reason will prevail with your close family members, and they will rejoice in your journey and accomplishments. If not...follow your own star anyway. It's worth it.

The boyfriend is a whole 'nother ball game. Only you can weigh whether your life is aspiration-based or relationship-based.

BTW, my husband and our kids were fine with my Hike. They had no doubts I'd be safe and that I'd make it. But then they have all done quite a bit of hiking (unlike my parents) and they know me as I am instead of as they wish I were...

Best wishes,
Marta/Five-Leaf

[RAT]

When I told my brother he should hike with me he asked, "How much weed would I need to bring for that long?" I think it would be pretty difficult to get that one motivated to save money to buy things other than bongs.

LOL wasted youth ! Tell him a minimum of 10lbs. good dank lol

My best advice is to say, I'm going, see ya when i get back and hike out the door. You are perfectly safe. Good luck and I hope you have a wonderful hike.


RAT