Understanding Engineers

[Tin Man]

Understanding Engineers - Take One:
Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"

The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, Minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."

The second engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."




Understanding Engineers - Take Two

To the optimist, the glass is half full.

To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.

To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.




Understanding Engineers - Take Three

A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a Particularly slow group of golfers.

The engineer fumed, "What's with those blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"

The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept Golf!"

The priest said, "Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with Him."

He said, "Hello, George! What's wrong with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"

The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters.

They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."

The group fell silent for a moment.

The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."

The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."

The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Four

What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?

Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.




Understanding Engineers - Take Five

The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?"

The Graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"

The Graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"

The Graduate with an arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Six



Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"




Understanding Engineers - Take Seven

Normal people believe that if it isn't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it isn't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

[Skidsteer]

Whoo boy.

I can't wait for DWM, Two Speed, and Terrapin to get a hold of this one.

[Jim Adams]

LMAO...now thats funny but I don't get it...whats all this got to do with train drivers?

geek

[Phreak]

LMAO... nice post!

[Dances with Mice]

Whoo boy.

I can't wait for DWM, Two Speed, and Terrapin to get a hold of this one.

No comment needed on this, Skids, since it's all based on the fallacy that someone can understand engineers.

[FeO2]

Nice Tin Man

I'll have to bring this to work and share with other fellow engineers.

A little homor is good as I slave away all the while dreaming about being on the trail.

My wife rolled her eyes at me and mumbled something about engineers when she saw I was weighing and logging each peice of gear into a spread sheet. I split the spread sheet out into three catagories, food, pack weight and weight on body. What else am I supposed to do in the middle of a New Hampshire winter when I've got cabin fever as I stare out at the thigh deep snow....

[Tin Man]

The Engineering Building at a prominent university was supposed to be 8 stories tall. When the smart engineers looked at the architects' plans and studied the site, they decided the bedrock underneath would not take the weight and the building would slowly slide into main street.

So, being smart engineers, they built the building with 4 stories on the right and 4 stories on the left and connected them at the hip. Well, anyone trying to get from one side to the other always gets confused by this arrangement, some even get lost and the Engineering School will forever be the example of how not to architect or build a building.

True story, so the rumor goes as to where all the 'smart' architects and engineers go.

[Tin Man]

My wife rolled her eyes at me and mumbled something about engineers when she saw I was weighing and logging each peice of gear into a spread sheet. I split the spread sheet out into three catagories, food, pack weight and weight on body. What else am I supposed to do in the middle of a New Hampshire winter when I've got cabin fever as I stare out at the thigh deep snow....

I do the same AND I plot my section hiking miles in a spread sheet as well. Funny thing is my partner/brother is the engineer and he can't be bothered. But, if I don't do it he gets all uppity about it.

[Dances with Mice]

They are cute jokes and there's more here, a site that looks like it was created by a software engineer since the choice of text and background colors makes the features nearly unreadable. But don't call them "engineer jokes".

Engineer jokes are jokes told by engineers to other engineers, which means nobody else can understand them and even if someone does, the jokes aren't very funny.

As an example:

What is the integral of d(cabin) / cabin ?

The answer is either "Houseboat".

(The integral of d(cabin) / cabin is log (cabin) + C, which is a houseboat).

See?

[Hooch]

They are cute jokes and there's more here, a site that looks like it was created by a software engineer since the choice of text and background colors makes the features nearly unreadable. But don't call them "engineer jokes".

Engineer jokes are jokes told by engineers to other engineers, which means nobody else can understand them and even if someone does, the jokes aren't very funny.

As an example:

What is the integral of d(cabin) / cabin ?

The answer is either "Houseboat".

(The integral of d(cabin) / cabin is log (cabin) + C, which is a houseboat).

See?

What the hell just heppened here?

[Skidsteer]

They are cute jokes and there's more here, a site that looks like it was created by a software engineer since the choice of text and background colors makes the features nearly unreadable. But don't call them "engineer jokes".

Engineer jokes are jokes told by engineers to other engineers, which means nobody else can understand them and even if someone does, the jokes aren't very funny.

As an example:

What is the integral of d(cabin) / cabin ?

The answer is either "Houseboat".

(The integral of d(cabin) / cabin is log (cabin) + C, which is a houseboat).

See?

You oughta post that on the math thread just for grins.

[Dances with Mice]

The answer is either "Houseboat".

Either "Houseboat" or "Ark". Even on unfunny jokes that nobody understands we screw up the punch lines.

[Wilson]

I'm too dumb to be a engineer, but I usually read at least one structural engineers letter a day... Once in a while ya get a lol funny one, typically involving a CYA situation..can't blame the poor devils for trying.

[envirodiver]

As an engineer I must say that I resemble that remark(s).

[GGS2]

I'm too dumb to be a engineer, but I usually read at least one structural engineers letter a day... Once in a while ya get a lol funny one, typically involving a CYA situation..can't blame the poor devils for trying.

It's all a matter of probabilities and blunders. Even if all the blunders are eliminated, there's still the 1 in 10^6 chance of failure. The longer they practice, the more certain that seems. Makes them nervous.

[minnesotasmith]

Q: What is the minimum # of engineers it takes to design anything?

A: Two; one to do it -- and one to make him stop.

[envirodiver]

Q: What is the minimum # of engineers it takes to design anything?

A: Two; one to do it -- and one to make him stop.

LOL that is sooooo true. I've had to tell a number of design engineers...stop you are done!!!!

[FeO2]

LOL that is sooooo true. I've had to tell a number of design engineers...stop you are done!!!!

Yes!!!! meeting the requirements is as far as you should go!! All the "neat extra features" cost money and schedule not to mention extra risk on verification/validation!!!!!

[FeO2]

They are cute jokes and there's more here, a site that looks like it was created by a software engineer since the choice of text and background colors makes the features nearly unreadable. But don't call them "engineer jokes".

Engineer jokes are jokes told by engineers to other engineers, which means nobody else can understand them and even if someone does, the jokes aren't very funny.

As an example:

What is the integral of d(cabin) / cabin ?

The answer is either "Houseboat".

(The integral of d(cabin) / cabin is log (cabin) + C, which is a houseboat).

See?

Too funny !!!


Given:
women = moneyXtime
time = money
money = root of all evil
Therefore:
women = (sqrt(root evil))X(sqrt(root evil))
women = (sqrt(root evil))*2
women = evil

[mudhead]

Too funny !!!


Given:
women = moneyXtime
time = money
money = root of all evil
Therefore:
women = (sqrt(root evil))X(sqrt(root evil))
women = (sqrt(root evil))*2
women = evil

And therefore you have a nice bike.