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  1. #1
    Registered User Mrpokey's Avatar
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    Default Whats the Proper Way to **** in the Woods?

    I know the is a book titled How to **** in the woods, but being young I can't afford it. My local libraries have it, but its usually checked out. So what is the proper way to go in the woods? How much toilet paper should be brought for a week in the woods, on average? Would it be better to use leaves and burn or bury them? Anyone have any tips, tricks, advice?

  2. #2
    I'm the man on the mountain, come on up.....
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    pop it lock it drop it

  3. #3
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    The book is called "Does a Bear S**t in the Woods/Is the Pope Catholic?"
    Make sure there is not a s**thouse nearby. One night I parked at Sam's Gap late. I went and did my thing in the bushes and when I woke up there were 2 porta-potties right there.
    I'm not really a hiker, I just play one on White Blaze.

  4. #4
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    I remember doing trail magic south of Max Patch and I ran into a guy named ****fire. I asked how he got his name and he said he would burn his toilet paper after he was done and one time he caught the woods on fire. I dont burn mine but I do bury it and put two sticks marking a X where I have pooed that way no one will poop at the same place.

  5. #5
    Registered User traildust's Avatar
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    Cool

    But seriously folks. Most shelters on the A.T. have a privy, a toliet, a crapper. How much T.P? Wow! No idea. If stuck, head into the woods away from water sources, take your boot and dig a cat hole and do your thing and cover. NO BURNING! See the headlines now, "hiker arrested after setting fire to own crap."

    Some will tell you here to pack out the TP. I would encourage a diet that helps prevent sudden unexpected urges inbetween shelters. Then again to each his own.

  6. #6

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    1. Walk 200' off the trail, making sure you are 200' away from water too.
    2. Dig a hole, 6" deep, and a couple of inches across.
    3. Drop your load in the hole.
    4. Wipe your arse.
    5. Place the TP in the hole.
    6. Bury it completely.
    7. Sanitize your hands.
    8. Have a nice day.
    'All my lies are always wishes" ~Jeff Tweedy~

  7. #7

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    1. Walk off the trail into the woods. Even if you haven't seen anyone on the trail all day, dropping your pants too close to the trail is the best way to have someone wander up right then.
    2. Make sure there isn't any water around, like springs, ponds or streams
    3. Kick a hole in the ground with the heel of your shoe. 6" is recommeded, but sometimes thats hard to do.
    4. Squat and poop over the hole.
    5. Wipe. Don't use leaves, it just smears it around your butt. In the north, the inner layers of Birch bark works well though. Just don't peel it off a live tree.
    6. I burn my TP, but be carefull if you do! Make sure there isn't anything which can catch fire like dry leaves there.
    7.Cover up your mess.
    8.Pull up your pants and get back on the trail.

    How much TP you need depends on the kind of food you eat and how messy your stools are. The first morning out of town after eating a lot of greasy stuff is usually the worst.
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  8. #8

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    Quote Originally Posted by MOWGLI View Post
    1. Walk 200' off the trail, making sure you are 200' away from water too.
    Not trying to be a wiseazz, but seriously, I wonder how many people actually walk 70 yards off trail? I've heard 300' also, and again, does anyone walk the distance of a football field? Doubt it.

  9. #9
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    So YOU were the one Snowhoe! Saw an "X" on the ground marked with sticks...everyone knows that means burried treasure. Started digging and all I found were turd nuggets, NOT booty!

  10. #10
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    Now thats funny. Glad to see you found what came from my booty!

  11. #11
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    Default Above treeline

    There's a different program above treeline in New England and I don't believe it would be appreciated were someone to trample 200 feet of alpine tundra to answer Nature's call. Be right back with BSP's answer to the question.

    That's a bit different from what I remember reading before, but it's current as of when the information was last modified.
    Last edited by emerald; 02-10-2009 at 16:15. Reason: Added link.

  12. #12

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    After you get accustomed to crapping in the woods you don't want to use them privies. I can't count how many privies I passed up for a small plot of real estate.

    Just take a whole roll for your week-long trip, will be more than you need, but better to have too much than too little.

    Don't pack out TP, it's just plain stupid and unsanitary and gross.

  13. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by john gault View Post
    Don't pack out TP, it's just plain stupid and unsanitary and gross.
    There are places you will be expected to do precisely that and if you don't like it, go somewhere else! There are few places on the A.T. where it would be expected. It's considered appropriate to bury TP in a cathole most places by most people. I use leaves when I can.

  14. #14
    Registered User bigmac_in's Avatar
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    Had a vietnam vet tell me he was issued one square of TP when he was stationed there. He asked what he was supposed to do with it, and was told the following.

    After you do your business, use your finger to wipe your arse, then use the one square to wipe your finger.
    It's a great day to be alive !

  15. #15

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    Quote Originally Posted by emerald View Post
    There's a different program above treeline in New England and I don't believe it would be appreciated were someone to trample 200 feet of alpine tundra to answer Nature's call. Be right back with BSP's answer to the question.

    That's a bit different from what I remember reading before, but it's current as of when the information was last modified.
    There is very little reason to **** above treeline on the AT. I suppose nature could call there, but aside from Franconia Ridge and in the Presidential Range, there is very little trail for any continuous distance above treeline.
    'All my lies are always wishes" ~Jeff Tweedy~

  16. #16
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    bigmac in I thought you poked your finger thru the middle of the square and then wiped with your finger and then so on..... Same thing I think?

  17. #17

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    One other little tip. When your in an area, such as the Smokies, and there are no privies; they have designated "Toliet Areas". Do not use those areas, avoid those areas like you would an area covered in landmines. Just walk away from the shelter (down the trail) and then go into the woods.

  18. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by snowhoe View Post
    bigmac in I thought you poked your finger thru the middle of the square and then wiped with your finger and then so on..... Same thing I think?
    That's the proper procedure

  19. #19
    Registered User Mrpokey's Avatar
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    Default ???

    Quote Originally Posted by john gault View Post
    One other little tip. When your in an area, such as the Smokies, and there are no privies; they have designated "Toliet Areas". Do not use those areas, avoid those areas like you would an area covered in landmines. Just walk away from the shelter (down the trail) and then go into the woods.
    Just curious why?

  20. #20
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    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mrpokey View Post
    Just curious why?
    cuz the "toilet areas" are littered with unburied piles of ****

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