Winter Storm coming

[Six-Six]

I sure would like to hike after a snow, but getting to the trail prevents me from even trying. I am so frustrated and so in need of a hike. Just venting a little I guess. I know it will be beautiful on the trail come Sunday, after the Saturday snowfall. Just humor me.

[JustaTouron]

Just humor me.

Two men walk in to a bar. The third man ducks.

Why do chicken coops have two doors? If they had four doors they would be chicken sudans.

How many flees does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two, the tough part is getting them into the lightbulb.

[Deadeye]

Horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says "Why the long face?"

[Old Hiker]

So far today, God, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, or grumpy, nasty or self-centered. I am really glad about that. Thank you.

But, in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of my tent and then I am going to need a lot of help.

[Old Hiker]

A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation:

Dr.: Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water.
Woman: Ok.

Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water.
Woman: Ok.

Dr.: Take the yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water.

After giving these instructions to the woman, she asks, "Can you tell me what's wrong with me Dr.?

Dr.: Yeah. You do not drink enough water.



So, it seems that two nuns were traveling through Europe in a rented car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and scratches at the windshield, hissing his ugliness!

"Quick, quick!!" shouts the first nun driving, "What shall I do?" "Turn the windshield wipers on, that will get rid of the abomination," shouts the passenger.

She switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and hisses even more loudly!

"What shall I do now?" shouts the first driver.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water in the Vatican before we left there earlier!" says the passenger.

Dracula steams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and hisses again at the nuns.

"Now what?" screams the first driver, exasperated and terrified at this point.

"Show him your cross!" says the second.

So the driver rolls down the window and shouts: "GET OFF MY ****ING HOOD, YOU MONSTER!!"



One day, after a near eternity in the Garden of Eden, Adam calls out to God, "Lord, I have a problem."

"What's the problem, Adam?", God replies.

"Lord, I know you created me and have provided for me and surrounded me with this beautiful garden and all of these wonderful animals, but I'm just not happy"

"Why is that, Adam?", comes the reply from the heavens.

"Lord, I know you created this place for me, with all this lovely food and all of the beautiful animals, but I am lonely."

"Well Adam, in that case I have the perfect solution. I shall create a 'woman' for you."

"What's a 'woman', Lord?"

"This 'woman' will be the most intelligent, sensitive, caring, and beautiful creature I have ever created. She will be so intelligent that she can figure out what you want before you want it. She will be so sensitive and caring that she will know your every mood and how to make you happy. Her beauty will rival that of the heavens and earth. She will unquestioningly care for your every need and desire. She will be the perfect companion for you.", replies the heavenly voice.

"Sounds great."

"She will be, but this is going to cost you, Adam."

"How much will this 'woman' cost me Lord?", Adam replies.

"She'll cost you your right arm, your right leg, an eye, an ear, and your left testicle."

Adam ponders this for some time, with a look of deep thought and concern on his face. Finally Adam says to God, "Ehhh, what can I get for a rib?"

The rest, as they say, is history.



A principal of a small middle school had a problem with a few of the older girls starting to use lipstick. After applying lipstick in the bathroom they would then press their lips to the mirror and leave lip prints [puportedly practicing the perfect pucker].

Before it got out of hand he thought of a way to stop it. He gathered all the girls together who wore lipstick and told them he wanted to meet with them in the ladies room at 2pm. They gathered at 2pm and found the principal and the school custodian waiting for them.

The principal explained that it was becoming a problem for the custodian to clean the mirror every night. He said he felt the ladies did not fully understand just how much of a problem it was to remove the waxey lipstick, and he wanted them to witness just how hard it was to clean. The custodian then demonstrated...

He took a long brush on a handle out of a box. He then dipped the brush in the nearest toilet, moved to the mirror and proceeded to remove the lipstick.

That was the last day the girls pressed their lips on the mirror.

[Pokey2006]

He he, I guess be careful what you ask for here on Whiteblaze!

Some of us are crazy enough to brave this snowstorm and not only hike in it, but camp in it, too! I don't recommend it for those not officially classified as insane, however.

[Raul Perez]

Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left ?"
"None.",replied Johnny. "'cause the rest would fly away."
"Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. "But I like the way you are thinking."
Little Johnny said, "I have a question for you now. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone, the second biting her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone?"
"No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger. But I like the way you are thinking."

[gunner76]

REDNECK ODE TO HIS VALENTINE
Kudzu is green, my dog's name is Blue
And I'm so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk A-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue's And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, Which excite me in May.
You ain't got no scales But I luv you anyway.
You're as graceful as okry Jist a-dancin' in the pan.
Yo're as fragrant as SunDrop Right out of the can.
You have all yore teeth, For which I am proud;
I hold my head high When we're in a crowd.
On special occasions, When you shave yore armpits,
Well, I'm in hawg heaven, I'm plumb outta my wits.
And speakin' of wits, You've got plenty fer shore.
'Cuz you married me Back in '74.
Still them fellers at work They all want to know,
What I did to deserve Such a purty, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape Yo're there fer yore man,
To patch up life's troubles And stick 'em in the can.
Yo're as strong as a four-wheeler Racin' through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger Named Naomi Judd.
Yo're as cute as a junebug A-buzzin' overhead.
You ain't mean like no far ant Upon which I oft' tread.
Cut from the best pattern Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life Like a Rattletrap shad.
When you hold me real tight Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain't nuttin' I lack.
Yore complexion, it's perfection, Like the best vinyl sidin'.
Despite all the years, Yore age, it keeps hidin'.
And when you get old Like a '57 Chevy,
Won't put you on blocks And let grass grow up heavy.
Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie With a RC cold drank,
We go together Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate For Valentine's Day; They git it at Wal-Mart,
It's romantic that way.
Some men git roses On that special day From the cooler at Kroger.
"That's impressive," I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds From a flea market booth.
"Diamonds are forever," They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, These will not do.
For you are too special, You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, Without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds it's a new ridin' mower.

[Chaco Taco]

I have heard 6-10 and as much as a foot
http://www.weather.com/weather/alert...=KGSP&etn=0004

[JustaTouron]

I have heard 6-10 and as much as a foot
http://www.weather.com/weather/alert...=KGSP&etn=0004

A joke my wife got via email from one of her girlfriends....

"Why is a man like a snowstorm?"

"You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long its going to last."

[Chaco Taco]

A joke my wife got via email from one of her girlfriends....

"Why is a man like a snowstorm?"

"You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long its going to last."

Nice

[Gramps]

John & Mary, having been married for several years, decided to attend a marriage retreat one weekend to help keep their marriage fresh. During one session, the leader told the couples they needed to know all they could about their spouse. "For example, guys, do you know what your wife's favorite flower is?" John smiled, leaned over to Mary, and whispered, "Gold Medal All-Purpose, right?" Thus began John's life of celibacy.

A mother was driving her mini-van with her 2 children, ages 5 & 7, to the store one day when she was passed by a convertible with the top down. As the ragtop passed, a woman in the passenger seat stood up and waved, wearing nothing but a smile. The mini-van mom was mortified when suddenly her 7-year-old son called out, "Mommy, that lady isn't wearing her seatbelt!"

Mom and Dad were getting ready one evening for a formal dinner party. Their 5-year-old daughter watched her father tying his bowtie on his tux when she commented, "Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit tonight." "Why not, sweetie?" he asked. "Because it always gives you a headache the next morning!" she replied.

In all seriousness, anyone on the trails this weekend please exercise extra caution. Stay safe, stay dry and stay warm.

[Tennessee Viking]

I sure would like to hike after a snow, but getting to the trail prevents me from even trying. I am so frustrated and so in need of a hike. Just venting a little I guess. I know it will be beautiful on the trail come Sunday, after the Saturday snowfall. Just humor me.

Hey Z

You might want to keep an eye on the weather, WRAL is reporting 12 inches of accumulated snow this weekend in Raleigh. Over a foot to 18 inches in the mountains.

Just over here in Raleigh. Lots of times I am just up the road from you in Trinity.

If you want a good hike. The Uwharrie Trail and Birkhead Wilderness is just down below Asheboro. Then there are lots of trails at Eno, Umstead, and Falls Lake. Hanging Rock and Pilot Mtn are my favs.

Lots of MST opportunities on the Piedmont.

[Chaco Taco]

Asheville and Greenville and National weather Service are saying 5-8 inches maybe 6-10 in some areas. 18 inches in the higher elevations! My hike could be interesting on Tuesday and Wednesday

[Cookerhiker]

Looks worse west of the mts across the middle of Tennessee into AR, MO, and OK - ice & freezing rain more likely than snow. More power outages - get out the camp stoves to brew your coffee (white gas only, of course).

[hikingshoes]

Thats a good one!!!!!I like it.HS

A joke my wife got via email from one of her girlfriends....

"Why is a man like a snowstorm?"

"You never know how many inches you are going to get or how long its going to last."

[Chaco Taco]

Looks worse west of the mts across the middle of Tennessee into AR, MO, and OK - ice & freezing rain more likely than snow. More power outages - get out the camp stoves to brew your coffee (white gas only, of course).

Yea supposed to be sleet mixed in here so its going to be a mess.

[DAJA]

Sounds like a great opportunity to slap on the snowshoes, and a pack and enjoy some time outdoors! I'm jealous... We currently have less than an inch of snow on the ground when we should have 3-6 feet.. It just started snowing here but they expect less than 4 inches.. Saddly not even enough to bother with snowshoes...

Normally this time of year I can count on ditching some weight in the pack by ditching a tent and using a snow cave.. And with temps well below freezing a tarp or hammock just isn't easy..

Ahhh well, carrying the tent keeps me in prime shape for spring!

Enjoy your snow!

[Chaco Taco]

Yea im plannin on hiking between Hot Springs and Sams Gap on Tuesday Wednesday. Just as long as the roads are ok, Im still planning on going. I am hoping it wont be that bad.

[Frosty]

Horse walks into a bar.
Bartender says "Why the long face?"

A skeleton walks into a bar and says, "Gimme a beer and a mop."

A priest, a minister and a rabbi walk into a bar. Bartender says, "What is this? Some kinda joke?"

A dyslexic walks into a bra...