Great story Yari, I'm glad you decided to post it.
You know the ring of truth when you hear it.
It was the flowers that turned things around for me. Something about seeing carpets of brightly-colored wildflowers just made me feel good. My heart still sings whenever I see fields of flowers.
I honestly think it is modern life making us sick. When nature is the cure, it seems so obviously what is the cause.
Some knew me as Piper, others as just Diane.
I hiked the PCT: Mexico to Mt. Shasta, 2008. Santa Barbara to Canada, 2009.
I am a stupid man child so feel free to disregard this.
I have suffered from depression / anxiety for most of my life, and have recently found a medication regime which has helped me immensely. In the first post in this forum, what stuck out to me was the idea that the thru hike would help shake depression "once and for all."
I've had similar attitudes towards all sorts of endeavors - exercise regimes, meditation programs, new jobs, new classes, new anything. When you feel so awful NOW its can be a necessary coping mechanism to imagine a future in which depression is just over. Having attempted this so many times and failed, I'm now wary of anything with the potential to be a "miracle cure."
What has helped me most is an idea introduced to me by my meditation center. A lama was asked by a novice, "what do you do when you feel depressed?" The other students snickered, but the lama responded, in earnest, "I get as close to it as possible."
I think that a thru hike will be a marvelous way to get away from the distractions of modern life which can make self-discovery and healing so challenging. The danger for me is that I will use the time as an escape, rather than a platform in which to do my soul work. For me, the only way to surpass depression is to move through it; to get as close as possible, understand its roots, everything about it, suffer fully, and move on. Running (or hiking) away only prolongs the inevitable. Also keep in mind that by taking on this challenge, you are most likely removing yourself from your usual support structures (family, friends, creature comforts, etc.)-- this could be incredibly empowering or excruciatingly difficult, depending on your readiness for it. I once took a vacation by myself in order to try to meet friends and prove to myself that I could be by myself for a few days--and just ended up crying my way through it.
Finally, don't expect to cure your depression. I think the best any of us can hope for is to develop strong tools with which to address the suffering inherent in being human.
My $.02. See you on the trail...
NOBO 2011 HOOOAH!!!
PREACH IT, BROTHER (or sister!). Been there, done that. I wish you all the best on your thru, cotter.Originally Posted by cotter
Hiking and being in the woods helped with my depression. I also work out, which helps a lot.
I too suffer with depression and anxiety, as well as Borderline Personality Disorder. I too take medication. I have been hiking for many years and it is when I am the most at peace within myself. I spend my time when I am not hiking (apart from working) dreaming and planning the next hike. People in the 'real world' are not very understanding of mental illness, sadly even my adult children, but in the wilderness everyone just accepts whoever they meet.
I am thru hiking with my husband starting mid March, 2011 and it has been a long held dream for years and years. I hope I meet you out there and we can share the peace!
Yari, thanks for sharing your story and how Diogee came into your life. It always amazes me how some events can appear be so desperate and disheartening only to turn into salvation. When Diogee entered your life you never would have guessed things would have turned out the way they have. You did the best you could with the situation and it turned out to be exactly what you needed. You're doing very well and can be proud of what you've accomplished. Good for you!
That man is the richest whose pleasures are the cheapest. Henry David Thoreau
Good topic. Healthy physical activity is definitely a positive thing when it comes to overall health and specifically that of the brain, which uses a great deal of oxygen to function.
I saw this useful article today. Food for thought: http://www.lewrockwell.com/orig5/mercola67.1.html
Thats an interesting article. Exercise alone can cure depression.
Wilderness is not a luxury but a necessity of the human spirit, and as vital to our lives as water and good bread.
-Edward Abbey
I am Bipolar and take quite a few meds. I know my illness well. It will be with me on the AT and I will revel in it's gifts.
Formerly known as Texas Phlox.
I have both illnesses. I hd to gEt off the trail afteR the first 100 miles in march 09. My illness was killing me. I did Neurofeedback treatments in 2010 and got back on the trail in Franklin NC--finished the next 900 miles to complete the southern half. I found the AT expremely difficult physically and it ultimately caused a recurrence of my symptoms. Another 30 N-F sessions and I got better again. Be careful with how much you hike on a daily basis and a few 0's might help---GOOD LUCK!!!
Kind of on topic, recently read the book "A hike for Mike." Talks a bit about depression. I wish you luck and hitting the trail always helps.
Have had depression for years. I take meds too. Take them while hiking. Having mood problems can be a real b--ch. Hiking works well for me. I always have supportive people at home I can call if needed. But being away from 'modern' life is fantastic. I wish you well on your journey.
True. But, it's also true that the AT is often close to civilization. So, if you have a good friend/family/medical support system, you can decide to meet up regularly with friends and family and occasionally leave the trail for a medical appointment. If you need it take a couple of zero (no hiking) days, or weeks, to get what you need. Since you're from Tennessee, for the first half of the trail you won't be real far from your home. Like everybody else, you'll figure out what you need to do your hike.
I have struggled with severe depression for my entire life. This might not seem like long considering I'm still in college, but to look back and be unable to clearly remember a time in which one was truly happy adds it's own weight onto everything else.
This spring I hiked a section of the AT about 100 miles long, and it was one of the best decisions I've ever made. I didn't get as far as I wanted to, but in the end I found what I was looking for. I found a confidence in myself, my own abilities, my independence, and and appreciation for all the natural wonder I found on the trail. And in the 3 months since I ended that journey, I haven't wanted to kill myself once. I'm a long way from being "healthy" but that little triumph would have been worth the whole trip even if I didn't have the time of my life an a boatload of happy memories.
My only advice is to not get to attached to measurable goals. Don't tie your happiness up in how many miles a day, or how far you hike, or finishing the trail/section. Sometimes the happy moments are when you're wading through ankle deep mud and it's raining and cold, and you know you're only gonna make it to the shelter if you don't take a break before dark and you need to push push push. Because that's the moment when you remember "Why am I so worried about where I'm going? I'm already here."
You might benefit greatly by the Barefoot Sisters books, Southbound and Walking Home. The sisters, Lucy and Susan Letcher, tell a great story about hiking the AT together in 2000-2001, SOBO and then flip-flopping NOBO, from their home state of Maine to Georgia, and back. Susan, a/k/a Jackrabbit, talks alot about her wrestling with significant depression issues, and Lucy and she both talk a lot about how it shapes the dynamic between them. Lucy was 25, I think, when they started and Susan 21, so their experiences will probably be especially relatable for you.
I'm a man in my 40s, but even so I very much enjoyed both books and devoured them quickly. I'd bet you enjoy them even more than I.
Cheers and best of luck in planning,
Chris/Driver 8
PS: I have never been diagnosed depressive, though I may have some sort of that to an extent, probably do, and I will say nothing consistently lifts my spirits quite like hiking does.
The more miles, the merrier!
NH4K: 21/48; N.E.4K: 25/67; NEHH: 28/100; Northeast 4K: 27/115; AT: 124/2191
I, too, take medication for depression. I've been talking with my therapist and close friends about potentially going off my medication while hiking and seeing how it works. The message from all of them has been to stay on my meds and see how it looks when I finish my hike. Knowing that my decision making isn't always the most brilliant, I'll take their advice for now....and see how it looks when I get off the trail.
Woot, Woot! NOBO in 2012
RogueWriter
hmm well i know a bit about psychology and depression( used to be depressed and seen other people) Honestly, I feel that the way I cured depression and this has been documented way too many times to work is a shaman tea called ayahuasca its illegal in the states, however, you can go to Peru where you can drink it legally with a shaman or do wat i did and buy the stuff needed and make it myself.. its odd how it works, but it worked and i tried all that modern medicine crap..never worked.. just a thought..
Julie Ann,
Good to see you make the committment.
I hiked in 2002 with a young man approximately mid twenties who suffered from the same problems. He had a HUGE bag of meds and followed his doctor and therapists orders exactly. He did great...still had a few "down" days now and then but his biggest problem was changes in metabolism as suggested by 4eyedbuzzard. He felt his condition changing as the miles passed and had to occassionally get off the trail for a day or two to consult his doctor / therapist and make changes. He did about 500 miles of the trail before getting off but got off due to other family problems. He still leaves messages about the trips that he is still out there doing and found that all of his depression problems were easier to handle on the trail.
Good luck and have fun.
geek
Wow Julie Ann and Yari you both touch my heart. It helps to be able to tell your story and I am sure we all have them. I have found that hiking has helped me cope with many things, but it is not just hiking its getting outside in nature something so soothing about the woods and the peacefulness of getting away from the hectic. I have a pretty stressful work environment and when things get crazy I get in the woods it soothes the savage beast. As this weekend I am spending 4 days camping one by myself and then friends will join me, but without I would be nuts by now. Thanks for sharing yourselves with us I feel honored. And if you get to Florida and want to hike email me.
If you can’t fix it with duct tape or a beer; it ain’t worth fixing
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