Anyone else's parents that don't care

[Special-K]

So this is a bit of a venting frustration/question. I'm just wondering how many fellow hikers on here have friends family, and or parents that....just don't really care that they are hiking the A.T. I've been doing packing and researching and getting multiple packages from places. And my Dad hasn't spoken one word about it to me. All he knows is that I'm hiking the A.T. And if I bring up the subject he drops it as fast as I brought it up. I know he loves me, he's my dad, But I feel like he's upset that I chose to leave a good job and follow through with something I love more than anything. And my mom just doesn't want to admit that I'm doing this. Just wondering if anyone else has has or has experienced this kind of tone from family.

[mweinstone]

bluff em. say you aint hikin cause its upsetting them. then sit back and let them beg you to hike. wait till they tell you to hike, and hike.

[shelterbuilder]

So this is a bit of a venting frustration/question. I'm just wondering how many fellow hikers on here have friends family, and or parents that....just don't really care that they are hiking the A.T. I've been doing packing and researching and getting multiple packages from places. And my Dad hasn't spoken one word about it to me. All he knows is that I'm hiking the A.T. And if I bring up the subject he drops it as fast as I brought it up. I know he loves me, he's my dad, But I feel like he's upset that I chose to leave a good job and follow through with something I love more than anything. And my mom just doesn't want to admit that I'm doing this. Just wondering if anyone else has has or has experienced this kind of tone from family.

Could it be that your folks are letting their own fears (for their child's safety, for your future, for your "throwing away" any hope of a job in a particularly bad economic environment) stand in the way of connecting with your joy in making this trek? As a parent, I know that I would be concerned for my son's future if he was to embark on a trip like this...even though my own concerns wouldn't keep me from discussing it with him. (But every parent - every person - is different.) Of course, since the AT and the backcountry have been important to me since before HE came along, I would at least have a frame of reference - one that, perhaps, your parents do not.

Don't cut them out - even after you start your trip. Keep writing, talking, calling. At some point, I suspect that the reasons for their present actions will become clearer to you - and at that point, you may be able to start REALLY communicating again.

Good luck - with your parents AND your trip!

[Big Dawg]

My situation is different than yours, but similar in the fact that a family member seems to "care less" about my interest in my backpacking trips. I've learned to deal with it. I've been married for 20 years, and have a wife who is not interested at all in my trips, hearing about them, seeing pics, etc. It used to hurt, but now I just deal with it. I have another friend who backpacks, and even though his wife doesn't, she's always interested in how the trip went, viewing pics, etc. I guess it's flip of a coin regarding who'll be interested. In my experience, people like your mom & dad,,, and my wife, just don't get it. They don't realize the awesomeness that we experience. Their loss. Just get on the trail and immerse yourself in the culture that "get's it",, and relish in it!!

[Roland]

Don't expect your family and friends to share your passion, before or after the hike.

As for your parents, well they've been supporting you since you were born. And now that you are old enough to start providing for yourself, you're choosing to leave a job to go play for 6 months. They may view your decision as irresponsible.

Buy them a trail guide, so they can follow your progress. They'll come around.

[Gipsy]

Maybe you could try to approach it from a different angle. Tell them you want to do it now, before you step off deeper into the pit of debt... aka the American dream (before you have the huge mortgage, student loans, mini-van payments, credit card bills, the 9-to-5 job, the 2.5 kids, and an ex-wife)


Or you could say you are going deep into the forest to join a hippie rainbow commune!

All parents want kids to be successful in life, even if they say, "I don't care as long as they are happy". It's a bit of validation proclaiming "You did a great job as a parent".

Maybe ask them what did they want to do when they were 20. This could give you a little more insight to their stance on things. My dad is one of those 3 option guys. After high school there is only work, college or military.

.....and if all else fails. Its easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.

[Big Dawg]

.....and if all else fails. Its easier to ask forgiveness than to ask permission.

you can say that again brother!!

[Sierra Echo]

Who cares what your parents think? You are too old to be living at home!

[HiKen2011]

Do it now before you have other obligations, best time imho. They'll be more supportive once you're on your way!!!

[Graywolf]

My parents, my friends, family, dont give a damn about my trips or anything I do for that matter..

Makes it easy on my, as I dont give a damn about theirs either..

I say Go Hike!! Do it for YOU, not THEM..

[BitBucket]

It's always tough when a child doesn't quite go in the direction that a parent thinks is best.

I can remember that when my son was finishing up his first year at college, he wanted to take the summer off and hike across Europe. Never mind the fact that he had never done any back packing before, and never mind that he didn't have a clue about living overseas, he was dead set on doing it.

He accumulated all his stuff, we put him on a plane in Birmingham AL with nothing more than a loaded 80L pack and off he went. He went to about a dozen countries and saw more that summer than I have seen in my entire life.

The next summer he spent it in South America, the summer after that in the Middle East. After he got his undergraduate degree, he went to Tunisia for a year on a State Department grant. The next year he went back to the Middle East again

Looking back, it was hard for us to let go, but quite honestly, it was the best thing he ever did. He's now fluent in multiple foreign languages and is about a year away from getting his law degree at NYU.

Do I think he's through traveling - heck no...he's just getting started...

Do your research, get prepared, go on your hike, have a good time, live off the land. You'll learn more than you would ever learn in your first job.

Keep your parents informed and show them over time that this was a good thing that you chose to do.

Good luck on your hike....

[Roland]

Nice post, BitBucket.

[Blissful]

It's good you're in communication with them and I sure hope you hang in there with them and give them a chance to get used to the idea. Don't give up on them even if they may be trying some of a silent treatment right now. You know already they love you. You've got a good head and heart here and want them involved, and that's great (wish my 20 yr old son wanted us involved in his life, but he's doing the exact opposite of you. Won't communicate or involve us in his life at all). Anyway, stay the course and like was suggested, give them a call once in a while, give them an itinerary, and allow them to be a part of your hike.

[LordoftheWings]

Well said BitBucket.
I won't pretend to to quote from DSM IV or give you a lecture on nature vs. nurture. I will tell you from a 36 year old males perspective on a few things I did wrong as a kid.
At 20 years old, I thought my parents were the least intelligent people on the planet. I thought they didn't know or care about me sneaking out, drinking all night, bringing home women of questionable character and quite a few other destructive things I was doing. This made me feel quite a bit like you do now, except I wasn't capable of thinking beyond myself at that age. (kudos to you for even thinking of them) I grew angry and distant at their lack of attention. I got to the point that I would do the opposite of whatever they said just to be spiteful. One day when I was 22, I got up for work and my father asked me if I wanted to go hang out and go to the shooting range together with him. (he was asking me to skip work which he would never do). I played it off and told him, why do you care now? You never asked me to go any other day? I pretended like I didn't want to go, when I wanted to go more than anything else in the world. We had an argument which I will spare you my ignorance. I didn't speak with him for 2 days. The third day I asked him if he wanted to go on the weekend. He walked away and just waved his hand goodbye. I went to work angry. How dare he walk away? I got a phone call later that day at work that my father passed away from a sudden and massive heart attack. We had his funeral. I was still very angry only at this time I was dealing with the anger part of losing a loved one. My mother and I sat down and talked for hours. I asked her why they didn't care? Why didn't they intervene if they didn't approve? She said simply, we wanted you to find your own way. I felt like crap when I heard her answer. I asked her, "if dad was so caring? why did he walk away from me the other day?" She said, he walked away and waved because he didn't want you to see him cry.
He wanted so badly to have a relationship with me and I pushed it away. Please don't make the mistakes I did. Don't assume they don't care. They are probably scared out of their minds but want you to follow your dreams. Open up an avenue of conversation, the rest is up to you my friend.

[Special-K]

Jeeze LordoftheWings, I'm sorry for what happened. You and everyone else who posted made things a lot easier to deal with. I'm definitely going to try a lot harder to talk to them about it. Once again, thanks!

[Camping Dave]

You're 20, and that's too old to live at home and mooch off your folks especially if you have no job. Man up and get out of the house. Hit the trail if that's what you want.

[Gipsy]

At 20 years old, I thought my parents were the least intelligent people on the planet.

Its amazing, the older I got, the smarter my parents got!

[Camping Dave]

Belay my last. I just saw the post where you said you got your nickname cuz you're not so bright. Do what your parents say.

[Special-K]

HAHA! camping dave, Don't worry about me mooching. I haven't mooched off them much. I moved back into my parents place 2 weeks ago. I had my own apartment for 2 years.

[LordoftheWings]

You're welcome my friend. Take it from a Firefighter/EMT. Life is short, too short to not to open up those doors, make those relationships and say what needs to be said. There is nothing more manly than doing the right thing, I don't care what anyone says. Never leave anyone you love with any question in their mind that you love them. You may not get another chance.