How many of you actually help people? aka. this site is a piece of ****

[theycallmej]

It seems that any time I try to get help or guidance from people on whiteblaze, I get shot down by jerks who couldn't care less about the sentiments of other people. I'm sure I'm not the only one to experience this, so why the **** does everyone have the need to be so condescending.

Delete my account, you know it's true. I doubt most of you actually hike.

[rp1790]

I think most people on here hike. And, sure, there's a portion of people that aren't helpful on any set of forums...they're the ones who always answer by saying "search is your friend". That kind of annoys me because in the time they typed that in the could have answer the newbiews question.

Anyway, hope you stick with it, this place is a great resource and community, well, 99.98% of the time :-)

P.S. I hike and while I've very occasionally come across an unhelpful person on here, nine times out of ten someone has been helpful and pointed me in a good direction!

[theycallmej]

When it comes to advice for the technical aspects of hiking, I'm sure this site is great.
For asking for help or advice when it comes to getting the courage to hike and dealing with life situations, nobody seems to support. I'm going through a stressful and difficult part of my life-- my wife keeps delaying my hike, every one seems to know what is best for me and doesn't realize I need some confidence for what I want in life, my dad is dying from pancreatic cancer, my life on it's own is just in turmoil. Having had a whole thread of comments on how I'm immature is not making me feel good at all about my life. Some people are going to say that I need a wake-up call then but what I truly need is just kindness and a guiding hand-- isn't that what anyone needs?

whiteblaze seems like a place where everyone wants to be a tough guy and get into arguments-- is that what the internet was intended for? I'm young, I'm growing, I merely wanted kindness.

If I could delete my account, I would do it in a heartbeat to be honest. I'm devastated by how rude this community has been to me. I can't believe NOBODY has been helpful to me and my goals in life where I'd do anything to answer questions if I could.

[10-K]

WB is a great place to ask hiking questions most of the time (though you will quickly find that you will not get a definitive answer on anything).

What it is not good at is providing guidance on relationships, employment, and things of a personal nature. If that's what you're looking for you will be perpetually disappointed.

[Jersey Tim]

You not being told what you want to hear isn't the same as the forum being unhelpful.

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/show...t-a-crossroads

People read what you said and tended to agree that you needed to think long and hard, and make a decision only you could make. The rudeness came from you, being angry and dismissive because people on a hiking forum told you that major life decisions were yours alone to make.

[theycallmej]

So none of you had to deal with the feeling of nervousness of leaving home for an unsure thing like a thru-hike? Leaving a spouse for a period of time, having a difficult situation where you're torn on what you want and what someone else wants?

I simply wanted kindness and advice on a human level-- it does deal with hiking but maybe I was terribly wrong to suppose that those at whiteblaze could feasibly understand my situation and relate to my feelings. Call me immature all day, call me stupid, rude, etc. but I'm merely human. I'm not elitist to say that I'm better than everyone here or to call every single person wrong or "immature" as they did to me... but damn, do you guys walk trails without any introspection to realize other folks have feelings and dreams here too and that they're delicate?

WB is a great place to ask hiking questions most of the time (though you will quickly find that you will not get a definitive answer on anything).

What it is not good at is providing guidance on relationships, employment, and things of a personal nature. If that's what you're looking for you will be perpetually disappointed.

[theycallmej]

Exactly, every poster said that I need a "rude awakening" and consecutively called me "immature." That's not what I want to hear but it's not exactly a polite way to give any help.

Great advice, or is it? To call someone immature, isn't that a little provoking? I didn't tell folks on the forum to **** off afterwards without feeling, I meant it-- we all write what we say with a purpose and the overwhelming feeling every one is giving off is this:
1. Marriage is this: you have to obediently follow your wife, let her keep delaying my dreams (this is the seventh time, and as one poster noted, I have posted here before but my situation is because my wife gets to moping and being depressed every time I'm about to leave. She sabotages me every time.)
2. I'm immature. (great... now what? I need to grow more? I need to follow what every one else says, thus I'll mature from it? Or do I need to make my own ****ing mistakes and learn my own lessons in life?)
3. I get laughed at for asking for emotional help.

Nobody said it's a decision I needed to make, they tried to make it for me by saying my wife should be leaving me and that I'm dismissing her goals so I should follow her with my tail between my legs without voicing my own opinion. Screw that-- try going through your life working at Target for two years, delaying college for your significant other and even though you love them, you still have your own longing and goals. I have no family any more but for my wife-- I place a lot of importance on the friends I've made here, that's why I don't want to move. Call that immature as much as you want and say that I should leave simply to cater to my wife but what type of advice is that? It's suicide by tiny increments every time I delay what I want to do and try. Maybe I'll fail epicly-- but god knows I can bounce back, I know that in my heart. I just want to stop being told what's best for me instead of getting advice that gives me confidence.

This school of thought that cold, hard "truths" help is ridiculous-- if you don't feel good about a choice, why just go with what every one says you should do?

You not being told what you want to hear isn't the same as the forum being unhelpful.

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/show...t-a-crossroads

People read what you said and tended to agree that you needed to think long and hard, and make a decision only you could make. The rudeness came from you, being angry and dismissive because people on a hiking forum told you that major life decisions were yours alone to make.

[Silverstone]

I'm a member on other forums of diverse interests--other than hiking--and I have to admit, this place seems to get more than it's fair share of people whose sole purpose in life, it seems, is to argue or condescend. Couple that with the gram weenies who always want to tell you that their way is better, and I too hesitate to ask too much advice. I get much more useful knowledge out of the articles threads.

[Toolshed]

It's like going on a relationship forum and asking about hiking stuff.
Dude seriously, you asked and I told you my thoughts - You probably didn't like what I had to say, but if you are going to put it out there and ask for comments, then you need to unfurl your balls and be man enough to listen/read, regardless of whether you agree with it or not.

[Toolshed]

exactly, every poster said that i need a "rude awakening" and consecutively called me "immature." that's not what i want to hear but it's not exactly a polite way to give any help.

Great advice, or is it? To call someone immature, isn't that a little provoking? I didn't tell folks on the forum to **** off afterwards without feeling, i meant it-- we all write what we say with a purpose and the overwhelming feeling every one is giving off is this:
1. Marriage is this: You have to obediently follow your wife, let her keep delaying my dreams (this is the seventh time, and as one poster noted, i have posted here before but my situation is because my wife gets to moping and being depressed every time i'm about to leave. She sabotages me every time.)
2. I'm immature. (great... Now what? I need to grow more? I need to follow what every one else says, thus i'll mature from it? Or do i need to make my own ****ing mistakes and learn my own lessons in life?)
3. I get laughed at for asking for emotional help.

Nobody said it's a decision i needed to make, they tried to make it for me by saying my wife should be leaving me and that i'm dismissing her goals so i should follow her with my tail between my legs without voicing my own opinion. Screw that-- try going through your life working at target for two years, delaying college for your significant other and even though you love them, you still have your own longing and goals. I have no family any more but for my wife-- i place a lot of importance on the friends i've made here, that's why i don't want to move. Call that immature as much as you want and say that i should leave simply to cater to my wife but what type of advice is that? It's suicide by tiny increments every time i delay what i want to do and try. Maybe i'll fail epicly-- but god knows i can bounce back, i know that in my heart. I just want to stop being told what's best for me instead of getting advice that gives me confidence.

This school of thought that cold, hard "truths" help is ridiculous-- if you don't feel good about a choice, why just go with what every one says you should do?

you are asking for relationship advice on a hiking forum.. You already know the answer - don't wait for a poll on it.........really dude!!

[theycallmej]

You are a condescending piece of ****, in all honesty.

Telling me to unfurl my balls? be man enough to listen/read? Does that offer ANY advice? does it help any? Do you feel better from it? Is it going to last you very long before you have to do it again and keep being a negative, bugging *******?
I really give you props if you call pull of a lifestyle like this in the longterm. I left home and hitchhiked to South Dakota and I met a lot of great people but they were great because of their kindness and they inspired me to be polite and have a heart back. It seems like you need to grow up and be a man much more than I do. I'm not going to tell you that you have a penis the size of an amoeba or say that you're a girl because I fully realize this will do nothing to change you. Is this your idea of helping on whiteblaze?

Sorry to say that relationships DO have a role in hiking. Positive advice is a good thing for both parties in situations. So, with that said, which type are you giving? Put your balls aside for a moment and think with your brain and heart-- it seems those two areas have been deprived of blood for too long.

Ignorance is bliss.

Just had to slip that in.

It's like going on a relationship forum and asking about hiking stuff.
Dude seriously, you asked and I told you my thoughts - You probably didn't like what I had to say, but if you are going to put it out there and ask for comments, then you need to unfurl your balls and be man enough to listen/read, regardless of whether you agree with it or not.

[cavediver256]

theycallmej, in a nut shell, you came on here asked your questions about a thru-hike and asked for others opinions. Well that is exactly what you got, what you asked for. Now obviously you don't like the opinions you received, but keep a few things in mind: 1) You asked for the opinions, 2) Opinions are just that, 3)If you don't like what you have heard, dismiss it. There really isn't any sense in telling everyone to **** off. I can assure you, that isn't the way to win hearts and minds here, or anywhere else for that matter.

Having said that, you can lump me in with everyone else, and get all bent out of shape about what has been said in this thread too. It seems to me, you know what the "right" answer is, you just don't want to hear it, and you want someone to justify you putting away your responsibility to your wife and doing what you already know is a bad damn idea. Hiking the trail is about getting out and enjoying nature and the trail, it is gonna be really hard to do with that conscious riding your ass for 2175 miles.......and if you do complete a 2175 mile thru-hike, then what???? It's the AT brother, it will be there long after you and I are both dead and gone. And if that ain't the answer you seek, leave the wife, and go hike the trail!!!!!

[virgil]

It depends on the Thread. Some replies (and questions) are helpful and friendly, others are dismissive and a little mean. You kinda have to take the good with the bad. Sometimes it's difficult, but don't take the bad too personally. Hike on.

[sloger]

If I understand your concerns correctly I suggest you read some of the excellent books on hiking the AT: Walking the Appalachian Trail by Larry Luxenburg; Walking with Spring, Earl Shafer; There Are Mountains to Climb, and many others that deal with physical, mental side of things as well as relationships. I find "A Walk in the Woods" by Bryson a bit cynical and not in the loop of a serious hiker -- just sayin, ya know.

[Old Boots]

I have spent over 45 years helping people struggling with issues like yours. I would not presume to tell you what to do on the basis of the information you have supplied. The people on this forum are hikers not therapists. The kindest answer to give you is to see someone with whom you can spend some time and who has the expertise to help you. The concerns you raise go way beyond whether you should hike the AT. I have spent 60 years experiencing all manner of wilderness in this country. I plan on tackling the AT next year. I would counsel patience.

[DapperD]

Exactly, every poster said that I need a "rude awakening" and consecutively called me "immature." That's not what I want to hear but it's not exactly a polite way to give any help.

Great advice, or is it? To call someone immature, isn't that a little provoking? I didn't tell folks on the forum to **** off afterwards without feeling, I meant it-- we all write what we say with a purpose and the overwhelming feeling every one is giving off is this:
1. Marriage is this: you have to obediently follow your wife, let her keep delaying my dreams (this is the seventh time, and as one poster noted, I have posted here before but my situation is because my wife gets to moping and being depressed every time I'm about to leave. She sabotages me every time.)
2. I'm immature. (great... now what? I need to grow more? I need to follow what every one else says, thus I'll mature from it? Or do I need to make my own ****ing mistakes and learn my own lessons in life?)
3. I get laughed at for asking for emotional help.

Nobody said it's a decision I needed to make, they tried to make it for me by saying my wife should be leaving me and that I'm dismissing her goals so I should follow her with my tail between my legs without voicing my own opinion. Screw that-- try going through your life working at Target for two years, delaying college for your significant other and even though you love them, you still have your own longing and goals. I have no family any more but for my wife-- I place a lot of importance on the friends I've made here, that's why I don't want to move. Call that immature as much as you want and say that I should leave simply to cater to my wife but what type of advice is that? It's suicide by tiny increments every time I delay what I want to do and try. Maybe I'll fail epicly-- but god knows I can bounce back, I know that in my heart. I just want to stop being told what's best for me instead of getting advice that gives me confidence.

This school of thought that cold, hard "truths" help is ridiculous-- if you don't feel good about a choice, why just go with what every one says you should do?

The bottom line is that once you became married, you entered into an agreement whereby you would approach life and it's challenges and triumphs as a team. You would mutually respect one another's hopes and dreams, and you would make decisions regarding them mutually. If your wife goes into a psychological "funk" everytime you bring up hiking the AT, then it is obvious she does not want you to do that at this point in your marriage. Your wife has hopes and dreams of going to school and bettering herself, and quit frankely it appears that maybe she wants you to persue loftier goals also. The fact that friends are very important makes your decision to move away from them hard. However if you choose to stay with your buddy, then don't be surprised if your marriage unravels completely soon afterward. Your wife may say she won't mind your doing that, but believe me I bet she most certainly will. And then someone may wind up choosing her, and her them, if you know what I mean. You are young and married. As hard as it is to accept, unless your wife is willing to let you go and do what you want, you now are not as free as being single as you once were. You need to make some tough decisions that only you can really make. Good Luck and try not to get pissed at the other's here offering advice, condescending or otherwise. It might not be what you want to hear or like, but there is much wisdom in what responses have been said.

[jesse]

WB is a great place to ask hiking questions most of the time (though you will quickly find that you will not get a definitive answer on anything).

What it is not good at is providing guidance on relationships, employment, and things of a personal nature. If that's what you're looking for you will be perpetually disappointed.

Agree. Call Oprah.

[bobqzzi]

You asked and I gave you the best repsectful non-condescending advice I could offer. I was quite sincere in suggesting you go to marriage counseling- that may not be what you wanted to hear, but I think it is quite valid advice. The only option that makes any sense (if you wish to be married) is to follow your wife to grad school- which is pretty much what everyone said- some in a rude, inappropriate, and condescending manner which I disapprove.

As for deferring your dreams- that is very often required in life. As you are only 20, I think it is fair to say you have another 40-50 years to hike the AT. Waiting 2 years so your wife can get a graduate degree which will benefit you both for the rest of your lives seems a very small sacrifice.

I know you are in a difficult emotional spot, but leaving your wife to go walkabout for 6 months is very likely to put you in a much more difficult one.
Perhaps you can find some shorter term adventures to temporarily slake your wanderlust? Perhaps you can find something your wife likes to do? Bike touring is one option, as is section hiking various NS trails. Being young is not a crime, but it is wise to consider that it gives one a limited perspective.

[flagator]

The vast majority of people on here are extremely helpful. I've had times where my thread was hijacked or someone says something more to be a jerk than helpful, so I understand. But those times are few and far between and people are human. J, most people responded to your post in the correct manner. I would give you the same advice, move with your wife embrace that adventure right now. If you dont like your wife, divorce her... its best for you both in the long run. Seems like everyone lined up and gave u the same advice, the advice you were hoping you didnt get. Well the trail is great and all, but its always going to be there man. And your talking about being a stay at home dad, come on man your 20 years old, be self dependent, go to school or get educated in a trade, this way you always have something to fall back on. But like several have mentioned, this is a hiking forum. There are real people are and mostly very good people, but speaking as a whole their expertise is hiking, not relationships. They dont know all the details that would go into making the correct decision. You didnt list all the details that would be necessary to make a correct decision. This is like going to eharmony and asking what you need to mount washington the best, the results could be deadly bro. Good luck with whatever you do.

[theycallmej]

The "right" answer... what is a "right" answer when it comes down to it? I fully realize that any choice I take, I'm going to come out fine in the end, therefore there isn't a "right" or "wrong" answer because I'm going to get a different set of lessons and experiences from each but isn't it important to have some role in choosing that? We al have different meanings and opinions of words and ideas, marriage being one of them. For me, my marriage was something my wife had me do and she forced on to me more than anything. I didn't need to get married right away, it wasn't something I wanted right away but it is what it is-- I am married, whether I had been rushed in or not.
I don't want my conscience riding my butt the whole trip either so do you think calling my trip a "wrong" idea, as you implied, is going to help with that any way it goes? My wife wants me home and that's her selfish idea, when I put it that way, the way I know it to be true, it's not something that weighs me down. It seems like whiteblaze is also full of a bunch of nuts that think any marriage should be protected no matter what but marriages vary from person to person. How many of you were divorced and that led you to the trail?

Sure, the trail will be there when I'm dead and gone but it's value and importance might change with my life. If I have kids before I hike, I may NEVER hike the trail (this is a very real thing, too, because my wife wants to try to have kids in her second year of grad. school and while I'd love to have kids, it seems like it takes the trail out of any equation in my life). Yea, I can do it later in life because it will always be there but I'll wish I had done it sooner and I'd otherwise be old and not able to enjoy the trip. I do have some messed up knees that will only get worse as I get older-- with controlled amounts of hiking and low weight I can be fine but when I'm older and am arthritic? It might not be as easy.

I'm like everyone else, I don't want to age and find I haven't even lived. Mock me then for wanting my cake and eating it too, I want to have my youth and enjoy it. What a shame!

theycallmej, in a nut shell, you came on here asked your questions about a thru-hike and asked for others opinions. Well that is exactly what you got, what you asked for. Now obviously you don't like the opinions you received, but keep a few things in mind: 1) You asked for the opinions, 2) Opinions are just that, 3)If you don't like what you have heard, dismiss it. There really isn't any sense in telling everyone to **** off. I can assure you, that isn't the way to win hearts and minds here, or anywhere else for that matter.

Having said that, you can lump me in with everyone else, and get all bent out of shape about what has been said in this thread too. It seems to me, you know what the "right" answer is, you just don't want to hear it, and you want someone to justify you putting away your responsibility to your wife and doing what you already know is a bad damn idea. Hiking the trail is about getting out and enjoying nature and the trail, it is gonna be really hard to do with that conscious riding your ass for 2175 miles.......and if you do complete a 2175 mile thru-hike, then what???? It's the AT brother, it will be there long after you and I are both dead and gone. And if that ain't the answer you seek, leave the wife, and go hike the trail!!!!!