Non-hiker husband?

[OBXWaMi]

Does anyone have a husband that doesn't hike? My husband, Wayne, is disabled and cannot hike. When I first started talking about this he seemed fine with me going without him. Now he says things like, "I worry about you out there alone, what if you get hurt?" He's also mentioned me making friends and one thing leading to another... It's obvious he's insecure. I've spent the past 8 years doing what NEEDED to be done. I've slept in chairs in hospital rooms. I've taken time off from work to go with him to doctor's offices. I've changed bandages, given injections, kept up with medications, watched him sleep, watched him puke...Yes, I'm tired of being the "well spouse". I just need to finally spend some time doing something I WANT to do. I swear, I'm not trying to get away from him. I love him and would never do anything to jeopardize our marriage, but I don't want to abandon this dream!!

[Big Dawg]

but I don't want to abandon this dream!!

then don't... go live your dream. It sounds like he owes you some understanding and flexability.

[snowsusie]

My husband doesn't hike either. He stays home and worries. But we love each other and one would never hold back the other. He is supportive but I can tell when he really just wants me to stay home. It's a balance. ~Freebird

[Silver Bear]

My wife is unable (diabeties bad feet) to hike with me. I have been unable to leave her along the last 6 months. Now she is able to walk again & take care of herself. She does encourage me to go when I can.I got a Spot so she will feel better about me being out there by myself. I leave for 100 miles on Oct 19. Dicks Creek Gap to Fontana.

[KimberVa]

My wife has no interest in hiking or backpacking. When I go she gets to have all her friends over and gets her time. Her friends make a bigger deal about me going alone than she does. They think that I shouldn't go do something without her. I think they are just Jealous.

[scope]

My guess is that your symptoms of being the "well spouse" are creating additional insecurity in him than he might otherwise have. Probably the only way to alleviate those fears is to go hiking, have a wonderful time, and find a way to bring a positive attitude back to him.

[justwalkin]

You've earned your hike!

[-SEEKER-]

My husband is the same way. Worried about me, worried that I will make a friend that leads to more... just as you said. It is nothing more than insecurity on his part. Sadly enough I have a habit of giving in to him, however when it comes to backpacking the AT I STAND UP AND ROAR. This year was my fifth year of section hiking. The plan was for me to go north from Great Barrington, MA and finish the trail. As I entered the Whites I felt unsafe, alone on the terrain so I cut my trip short. I have educated him about the trail and kept nothing from him. When I got home this year we talked about my decision to come home early, it was at that point that he told me he worried about me getting hurt and possibly dying, but that he had resigned himself to the fact that I was going to do this no matter what. Let him read what you posted.

[Damaged]

Having been in a similar situation, I would say that you have to go. I spent the last 11 years of a 14 year relationship yearning to get outdoors and live the life I love. I had sacrificed that life for a spouse that did not care for it. Despite my love for her she slowly started to become the reason that I wasn't living instead of being my reason for living. In the end that sacrifice crept into other areas of our lives and we didn't make it. You have to make this journey. You don't ever want to look at him and see the reason that you have held yourself back.

[Slo-go'en]

Sounds like a classic case of caregiver burn out. I can understand why he's concerned about you leaving for any length of time. Very few couples hike together, there is usually a significant other back home. The trick is to make the stay-at-home partner a part of the hike by taking care of mail drops, maintaining the hiking blog and supplying what ever other support you might need from a distance.

Or you could start off with taking weekend trips, building up to longer week or two long trips and once everyone is comfortable with this, try for a thru. Unless you find the shorter trips are enough of a break to keep your sanity intact, which they my well be.

[birdygal]

I am having a slight problem with my husband now, He does hike but we have animals at home that prevent both of us from hiking together, I really want to finish up Georgia section this year, He does not want me to go alone , since I am slow getting someone to go with me is hard

[yappy]

My husband doesn't hike either whch 2 b honest is hard cuz I'm an addict hahah ...I hate leavg him up here and always a very very sad day flyg outta of alaska...so far away no mattr where I hike...I hope u GO the chance may not come again

[jesse]

Whiteblaze is a great place to learn about gear, the trail, recipes, etc. When it comes to family and relationships, these folks don't know you or your husband, nor do they have anything vested in you.
The only advice I would give, would be for the two of you to get some professional counseling, and ignore all the BS on here.

[Fireweed]

Have you tried some shorter (week long or 2 weeks) just to test the reaction? It might help you decide. I hike alone (female, mature. haha) love the independence.

[Ladytrekker]

My husband and I did not like alot of the same things go figure. My 23 year marriage stopped me from doing many things I wanted or dreamed of doing. I have many regrets my son is the only good thing to come out of it. Now at my mid late life I am trying to get in all the things I wanted to do while I still have some good health. I hate to see anyone get held back from fulfilling self expectations because it is easy to get resentful I say do it anyway and face the consequences it is your life to live not his. But as the above said come back with a postive story. Good Luck.

[Bear Cables]

My husband doesn't hike with me, but he is supportive. He used to complain some about me being off in the woods with just my sister ( I never bike solo). we took our husbands on an overnight hike in the Lake Tahoe area in the Desolation Wilderness. Most beautiful place we could have gone. He was a good sport but at the end he said he was glad he did it with me but don't buy him a backpack. The best thing that came of this trip was he now understands my love of it. After my Dad died in April , I was scheduled to fly to Seattle to hike with a friend in The Olympics. My dear husband said, " don't cancel your trip...you NEED to hike." gotta love him

[GoldenBear]

Twenty months ago, a male hiker asked about handling a girl-friend who didn't enjoy hiking.
I shared the solution my wife and I came up with:

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/show...ht=#post961344

Is it possible for you to hike, you husband to be your shuttle, and for "a good to be had by all?"

[MuddyWaters]

I think your husband is probably somewhat insecure because of his disability. Its not farfetched to imagine a spouse meeting someone that likes the same thing they do and putting their relationship at risk. Even if you have NO intention of such a thing, things still can and do happen everyday.

The best thing you can do, in my unprofessional opinion, is to break down that wall of worry and talk about it with him. You need to go. He needs to understand that you need to go and not be afraid.

If a spouse is going to run off with someone else, its going to happen. It doesnt happen because they went and did something and met someone, it happens because they arent truly happy, and find someone that makes them feel that way again. They will find that other person eventually regardless, at the mall, at work, or possibly on the AT. And the sooner it happens, the better off everyone will be, whether it seems that way at the time or not.

[4eyedbuzzard]

. . . If a spouse is going to run off with someone else, its going to happen. It doesnt happen because they went and did something and met someone, it happens because they arent truly happy, and find someone that makes them feel that way again. They will find that other person eventually regardless, at the mall, at work, or possibly on the AT. And the sooner it happens, the better off everyone will be, whether it seems that way at the time or not.

Nailed it.

[Mountain Mike]

When I did my thru there was one couple that after a few weeks the husband got board. After hiking out west he felt the green tunnel to dull for him. Rather than quashing her dream of hiking the trail he became "The Caring Trucker". Went back to get their pickup from storage and ran support for her rest of trail. It allowed her to slackpack most of AT. He would meet her at trailheads & go to campgrounds & hostels or if a shelter was close to road hike in with gear they needed for overnight.