Marriage, Trail Relationships, and the AT

[TheYoungOne]

well, he joined in sept of of '10, so it would have been someone planning a '11, and posting vids of prepping for it, and who actually made it, and has a vid of getting a ride at the end... yep, think i got her... stalking 101, i can teach college level courses

Yep you found it. If you are not a detective, you missed your calling..lol

Actually the video I mentioned about "it" was removed and is not on the current play list. Ironically it was a discussion about sleeping pads, she had a Neo-air and he had a Z-lite. They were sharing a tent and there was some giggling. Something tells me if I, a complete stranger, figured it out with one view, mom & dad and other friends and family probably noticed it too.

Cute couple and you see them pop up together on other AT 2011 videos.

[Hill Ape]

my profession touches on this topic, and i always try to take the opportunity to impress on people the importance of protecting and maintaining their privacy.

sobering lesson in on-line privacy for everyone

i have her name, current and previous mailing address, names of relatives, and her listed home phone number

all jokes aside, information data compilers are frightening. something as simple as having a listed phone number, which is taken for granted by most people, exposes you to degree that would shock most people. every detail you allow out there either actively or passively, stays out there, forever. those details build, becoming a surprisingly complete profile. there are people (not me of course) who would misuse that information.

[chief]

"Sometime it last in love and sometime it hurts instead"

Sometimes I burp and sometimes I fart instead.

[bannerstone]

Certainly not the same as long distance hiking but when my wife and I made the transition from road biking to a tandem road bike we discovered all sorts of things about our marriage and how we worked as a team. My wife had been a long distance cyclist for 35 years before we met and she introduced me to the sport. A couple years in, we bought the tandem, I naturally became the captain and she the stoker, it was a huge extention of faith on her part to give up control and it tested our communication, sensitivity, patience, forgiveness and much more. We found it to be the great metaphor for marriage because truthfully most couples don't well on a tandem. It takes novice riders a couple hundred miles to get confident riding together and amazingly about 5 times longer for experienced riders. Tandems listed on ebay are often referred to as divorce makers. Fortunately it became our best time together and our single bikes gathered dust while we racked 3-5K miles a year on our tandem.

A popular saying among married couples who tandem goes something like this; "wherever your relationship is headed, the tandem will get you there quicker." I suspect the same is true for thru hiking!


David

[quilteresq]

Certainly not the same as long distance hiking but when my wife and I made the transition from road biking to a tandem road bike we discovered all sorts of things about our marriage and how we worked as a team. My wife had been a long distance cyclist for 35 years before we met and she introduced me to the sport. A couple years in, we bought the tandem, I naturally became the captain and she the stoker, it was a huge extention of faith on her part to give up control and it tested our communication, sensitivity, patience, forgiveness and much more. We found it to be the great metaphor for marriage because truthfully most couples don't well on a tandem. It takes novice riders a couple hundred miles to get confident riding together and amazingly about 5 times longer for experienced riders. Tandems listed on ebay are often referred to as divorce makers. Fortunately it became our best time together and our single bikes gathered dust while we racked 3-5K miles a year on our tandem.

A popular saying among married couples who tandem goes something like this; "wherever your relationship is headed, the tandem will get you there quicker." I suspect the same is true for thru hiking!


David

Good for you. My husband and I decided early on our marriage would be better if we never got a tandem. Biked 1300 miles with him and my daughter in 2003. It was better after the first week. It was marriage testing during that first week.

[Cookerhiker]

Certainly not the same as long distance hiking but when my wife and I made the transition from road biking to a tandem road bike we discovered all sorts of things about our marriage and how we worked as a team. My wife had been a long distance cyclist for 35 years before we met and she introduced me to the sport. A couple years in, we bought the tandem, I naturally became the captain and she the stoker, it was a huge extention of faith on her part to give up control and it tested our communication, sensitivity, patience, forgiveness and much more. We found it to be the great metaphor for marriage because truthfully most couples don't well on a tandem. It takes novice riders a couple hundred miles to get confident riding together and amazingly about 5 times longer for experienced riders. Tandems listed on ebay are often referred to as divorce makers. Fortunately it became our best time together and our single bikes gathered dust while we racked 3-5K miles a year on our tandem.

A popular saying among married couples who tandem goes something like this; "wherever your relationship is headed, the tandem will get you there quicker." I suspect the same is true for thru hiking!


David

I've heard the same thing about kayaks - double kayaks are divorce machines.

[quilteresq]

We bought two kayaks, too!

[Train Wreck]

Certainly not the same as long distance hiking but when my wife and I made the transition from road biking to a tandem road bike we discovered all sorts of things about our marriage and how we worked as a team. My wife had been a long distance cyclist for 35 years before we met and she introduced me to the sport. A couple years in, we bought the tandem, I naturally became the captain and she the stoker, it was a huge extention of faith on her part to give up control and it tested our communication, sensitivity, patience, forgiveness and much more. We found it to be the great metaphor for marriage because truthfully most couples don't well on a tandem. It takes novice riders a couple hundred miles to get confident riding together and amazingly about 5 times longer for experienced riders. Tandems listed on ebay are often referred to as divorce makers. Fortunately it became our best time together and our single bikes gathered dust while we racked 3-5K miles a year on our tandem.

A popular saying among married couples who tandem goes something like this; "wherever your relationship is headed, the tandem will get you there quicker." I suspect the same is true for thru hiking!


David

Ditto for tandem whitewater canoeing. My husband and I learned to paddle well together and have done some pretty challenging rivers over the years, but it definitely isn't for everyone.

[Thirsty DPD]

In a 16' canoe, there's a reason your 10-11 feet apart, and have only 4' paddles.

[melaniebk]

In a 16' canoe, there's a reason your 10-11 feet apart, and have only 4' paddles.

Hahahaha! I'm really enjoying this thread.

[Train Wreck]

In a 16' canoe, there's a reason your 10-11 feet apart, and have only 4' paddles.

I actually knew a couple who had the back of the bow partner's life jacket marked "Left" and "Right". The stern partner was visually dyslexic or something, and he always yelled out the opposite direction he meant to say.

[Train Wreck]

In a 16' canoe, there's a reason your 10-11 feet apart, and have only 4' paddles.

And wear helmets!

[NotYet]

My boyfriend of 4 years and I decided to thru-hike southbound in 2000. He'd done two previous thru-hikes, and we both had a lot of hiking experience. We figured that a thru-hike had the potential to "make or break us" as a couple because there are many stressors involved and we'd be around each other 24/7 for several months! That's not why we chose to hike, but we were aware of the fact that the hike could ruin our relationship and/or our relationship could ruin the hike! Not wanting either of those outcomes, before we headed for the trail we discussed how we'd treat each other and what we'd do if the either wanted or needed to leave the trail, and we also agreed to try to communicate openly and honestly with each other throughout the trip.

On the trail, we found that we could share long silences very comfortably and that we were still good at being ourselves while being together. To be successful on the trail and to remain successful as a couple we needed to be flexible, listen carefully, be ready and willing to adapt to changing expectations and circumstances. We ended up getting engaged on the trail (at Buzzard Rock in SW Virginia). We've now been married for eleven years and the lessons learned on the trail continue to strengthen our relationship as we explore new trails and take on new challenges together.

[NotYet]

TYPO correction from above post: ...and what we'd do if either wanted or needed to leave the trail....

[Red Hat]

I have been on and off the trail for the past 10 years. I've seen marriages strengthened by the trail, and I've seen marriages fall apart on the trail (or afterwards). I've seen couples hike together and get married afterwards. I've seen couples hike together, get married, and get divorced withing a few years. My late husband was wonderful about supporting my hike, but not all spouses are so supportive. Since he passed away three years ago, I have met someone who shares my love for the trail, and we continue to hike together. But, at my age, I certainly wasn't looking for romance on the trail.

[Thirsty DPD]

And wear helmets!

Canoes, being divorce boat, and kevlar being a popular material, I'm surprized we haven't seen kevlar PFD's.

[wren again]

After three years of section hikes without my husband, he joined me last summer. He wasn't sure he would be able to physically manage this, but he worked hard to get stronger and prepare. Our longest day last summer was 16 miles and I was very proud of him. He enjoyed the experience very much, especially meeting other hikers, and is planning to go again summer 2013. After 30 years of marriage, this gives us something new that we can talk about, plan for, and experience.

[prain4u]

Such insights don't just pertain to romantic relationships....

Following my high school graduation, I went on a two week canoe trip with my best friend of 7 years. We were in the same car on the 8 hour trip to the canoeing area and during the 8 hour ride back home. Every day we were in the same canoe all day. Every waking hour (while in camp) we were always "confined" together on the same small islands. We both slept in the same (small) 2-person tent each night. By the end of the two-week trip--we pretty much wanted to "kill" each other. We needed some "space" from each other for a while after our return home from the trip.

We are still friends nearly 33 years later--but we will frequently laugh about the lessons we learned on that trip regarding the disadvantages of having too much togetherness. Even back then (as stupid 18 year olds) we both concluded that there was a very good reason why one (or both) spouses typically goes away to a place of employment for 8-12 hours each day (and why houses have multiple rooms). Being within 2 to 50 feet of each other 24/7 for days on end can potentially drive people nuts!

At least on a hiking trip you can get usually choose to create a little more space away from each other (as compared to canoeing in the same canoe and camping on small islands). Furthermore, using one-person tents and hammocks can help a great deal too.

"So now I'm praying for the end of time
To hurry up and arrive
Cause if I gotta spend another minute with you
I don't think that I can really survive
I'll never break my promise or forget my vow
But God only knows what I can do right now
I'm praying for the end of time
(It's all that I can do--do-do)
Praying for the end of time, so I can end my time with you!!!
---Meat Loaf ("Paradise By the Dashboard Lights")

[tnvarmint]

I have to agree with prain4u. Coming from a Navy background, any thing that stresses a marriage or relationship will only make a strong one stronger and a weak one weaker. Be it a hike together or a partner leaving the other for a thru hike.


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[Datto]

A northbound AT thru-hiker and his girlfriend were hiking the Appalachian Trail north of Duncannon, Pennsylvania when the thru-hiker realized he had started to hike at a thru-hiker pace and had gotten way far ahead of his girlfriend.

The thru-hiker stopped to wait for his girlfriend to catch up when suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, God said, "Because you have tried to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."

The thru-hiker stepped to the side of the Trail to think about his wish and finally said to God, "Pave the Appalachian Trail all the way to Katahdin so I don't have to hike through all these terrible rocks on the Trail."

God replied, "Your request is self-centered; think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. Think of the steady supports required just to reach the bottom of the Kennebec River in Maine just to build the necessary bridge -- and that's just one of them -- and the concrete and steel it would take for the treadway to be stable! Think of all the controversy such an undertaking would create. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire to make your trek so easy when others before you have had to overcome difficult challenges to complete their hikes. Take a little more time and think of something that could possibly help mankind instead."

The hiker thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, 'God, I wish that I, and all men, could understand women; I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment at the shelters, why she cries even when it's sunny, what she means when she says nothing's wrong, why she snaps and complains when I try to help, and how I can make a woman truly happy."

A long silence ensued and then God replied, "You want that concrete or asphalt for the treadway?"


Datto