Guilt

[MDSection12]

So I'm not looking for any answers, I know I have to come to those on my own, but I just wanted to hear some thoughts from 2013ers on how they approach the guilt of tackling what many would consider a 'selfish' goal like the AT. Now I know many of you are probably in situations that allow you to undertake something like this without any guilt, like a single, newly graduated college student... But I am not. I don't have kids, or any serious obligations at home, but I am recently married and am pretty involved with my family since I live in my hometown... I have the support of my wife, and I'm sure my family would support me as well... But it still feels a bit guilty to me. I'm not completely decided on going, but the window of opportunity is going to open and close very quickly so I'm wrestling with this stuff in a short period of time. I think I will be able to go logistically... But I don't know if I will be able to convince myself that I'm not just being selfish.

So for those of you leaving behind supportive families how do you reconcile the guilt associated with taking on what is at the end of the day a self-centered goal?

[atmilkman]

Just invite them all to come along and join you.

[Karma13]

So for those of you leaving behind supportive families how do you reconcile the guilt associated with taking on what is at the end of the day a self-centered goal?

Sounds like the snag in the thinking, perhaps, is the perception that the hike is a "self-centered goal."

It's not, really -- at least, not the way I see it. If two people are newlyweds and one goes to medical school, is going to medical school a self-centered goal? If a newlywed starts going to yoga three nights a week, is that a self-centered goal?

I don't believe so. Not really. You were two people before you got married. Anything that makes a better, stronger person will benefit the marriage (presuming the focus is always on staying oriented toward the spouse, like magnetic north).

If it were me, I'd think about the ways that the hike will benefit your marriage.

(Plus, it's not really a 6-month party. It's damn hard work, every single day. It's really like you're getting a job transfer to living homeless in the dirt for 6 months.)

[FarmerChef]

Admittedly, I'm not a thru hiker so I can't comment as one but I, like you, have always had the dream of hiking the AT. I'm a father of 4 and happily married to my very supportive and wonderful wife of 13 years. When I started to get the bug really bad, I talked it over with her, beginning with the offer to have her come with me. One thing led to another and now, she, I and 3 of our 4 kids have done almost half the trail over 2 months of hiking over the past 2 years. The key is that we were both very committed to one another and talked it through and found a solution that worked for all of us. Now, whenever I talk about wanting to hike the trail all in one go after we complete it in sections her response was, "Not without me your not!" Music to my ears

I agree with Karma13 that this is not a selfish goal, at least not in the sense that this will only benefit you. I've heard it said around here that the hike won't necessarily make you a better you but will reveal more about yourself that you might not have known or realized before. This offers a growing, learning experience that can benefit both of you, especially if you have your wife's support throughout the hike and you help her be a part of it in whatever way seems best to her. As long as you share the experience with your family as you go along, there may very well be opportunities to strengthen your relationship in the process.

[bardo]

It is a selfish goal I think. But you have to reconsider your view of selfishness. It's not always a bad thing. It's all relative. Not supporting your journey can also be selfish too.

[Slo-go'en]

Big mistake getting married. Your life is no longer your own Since I never got married, I can't help you with the guilt issue. But if your going to do it, do it now as it will only get more difficult to go the later you wait. Once a child arrives, your stuck for about the next 18 to 25 years.

As karam13 says, doing a thru is hard work which many don't realise at first. When you come right down to it, it's probably the reason so many quit. You have to get up every morning and do your miles. It can start to feel like a job. Slacking off means running out of food in the short term or running out of time and/or money in the long term.

[max patch]

Of course its selfish. So what? You don't have kids and your wife is cool with it. Have a great vacation.

[Feral Bill]

You may want to keep in touch with your wife from the trail, and meet her periodically as circumstances allow. If it's not working out, you can always go home.

[Malto]

Selfish maybe. But I guess I never really thought of it that way. Maybe that means I'm really selfish.

Just because you are married doesn't mean you give up on your dreams. There are your dream, her dream and your combined dreams. Sounds like she is cool with it so deal with it now. If you don't you will have countless hours with little to think about then issues like this.

[coach lou]

I have an outline for a plan to thru from when I was a scout in 1971. I still have it. I was a section hiker then. Then came the military, then came family, now there is a new step family. I still have that outline. I haven't been able to do it yet. I can't see me doing it too soon...................just DO it!

[MDSection12]

I have an outline for a plan to thru from when I was a scout in 1971. I still have it. I was a section hiker then. Then came the military, then came family, now there is a new step family. I still have that outline. I haven't been able to do it yet. I can't see me doing it too soon...................just DO it!

This is what is pushing me. Now may not be the perfect time, but if I expect the perfect time to come along then I don't see it happening in this decade, or at all for that matter.

[Mei*Mei*]

Know that a truly selfish person would never feel guilt, and that sometimes you have to weigh your guilt with the possibility of your regret. Life opens up windows, moments in time in which we choose who we are, and what we want out of our experience in life. I am a 2013 thru hiker struggling with the same kind of worries right now, but I know its now or never for me. Everything lined up, and my responsibility's are relatively small for the first time in my life. I'm putting faith in my family and friends to help me, as I would them. So, write a pro/con list and let yourself be able to be happy with whatever you decide.

[daddytwosticks]

I'm just a section hiker and suffer from guilt every time I set foot on the AT and am away from family. This, despite the fact my wife encourages me. I chalk it up to spending 9 years in a Catholic grammar school full of crazy nuns. A shrink would have a field day with me after that experience!

[chief]

"A husband's guilt is a debt which can NEVER be fully repaid" - I read that somewhere and it certainly fits with my experience. Lose the guilt or forget the hike!

[Dogwood]

Change the way things are negatively defined to a more postive empowering definition. You''ll overcome a lot of limited thinking garbage that way. You'll also see opportunites where you thought none previously existed. Make an honest assessment, did you really come to this conclusion, that thru-hiking is a self centered endeavour, AAALLL ON YOUR OWN? Probaly not!

When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.

[mgspea00]

So I'm not looking for any answers, I know I have to come to those on my own, but I just wanted to hear some thoughts from 2013ers on how they approach the guilt of tackling what many would consider a 'selfish' goal like the AT. Now I know many of you are probably in situations that allow you to undertake something like this without any guilt, like a single, newly graduated college student... But I am not. I don't have kids, or any serious obligations at home, but I am recently married and am pretty involved with my family since I live in my hometown... I have the support of my wife, and I'm sure my family would support me as well... But it still feels a bit guilty to me. I'm not completely decided on going, but the window of opportunity is going to open and close very quickly so I'm wrestling with this stuff in a short period of time. I think I will be able to go logistically... But I don't know if I will be able to convince myself that I'm not just being selfish.

So for those of you leaving behind supportive families how do you reconcile the guilt associated with taking on what is at the end of the day a self-centered goal?

Leaving my wife, son (11), daughter (21), retiring from a secure job after 28 years. Instead of sitting around feeling guilty, I'm making sure finances are in order, repairs around the house are complete so they don't have to worry about it, and keeping them involved in the hike in some way.

[kayak karl]

(Plus, it's not really a 6-month party. It's damn hard work, every single day. It's really like you're getting a job transfer to living homeless in the dirt for 6 months.)

Please LOL it's a vacation!!! if telling people its work, an education(like med school ), a spiritual journey to ease the guilt, then go ahead, but it's a vacation.

[Lone Wolf]

Please LOL it's a vacation!!! if telling people its work, an education(like med school ), a spiritual journey to ease the guilt, then go ahead, but it's a vacation.

totally agree. it is what it is. a pleasure trip

[bamboo bob]

Pleasure trip for sure. Hard going sometimes but really a blast overall. My first trip my wife and I retired and sold our home and got all set to go. But then she got very sick. We scrambled about for housing and then we agreed that I ought to get my self to Springer when the time came. She stayed home and tended to her treatment. She still says it was easier for her without me hanging around. That was twelve years ago. Since then I've added another 10,000 miles and she still is supportive of my trips. She's also come along on a number of the shorter trails and out hikes me the same as she always has. She thinks a month is as long as she wants to be away from home. She would prefer playing with grand babies. They're fine too but as you might know I'm addicted to long distance hiking. So if you think I was and am selfish talk to my wife. or talk to yours. (She's a great cook too)

[1 catfish]

Weather or not its a selfish act is irrelevant. You will either handle it or not. If you do go and you feel guilty about it that will ruin your trip and it will eat at you till you quit. Everyone has hurdles to overcome before they go and this is one of yours.