Advice on hiking with someone of the opposite sex?

[Hatteras Jack]

I had already been planning a SOBO thru-hike this year, but I recently invited a girl friend (I am a guy) to come along and she took me up on it. I have no qualms about it, but any tips on how to make the hike go as smoothly as possible would be greatly appreciated. Logistics, hiking pace, sleeping situation, anything you can think of. Byah

[VTATHiker]

This depends highly on the nature of the partnership - are you expecting to hike the trail together, or just to start hiking the trail together. I hiked with girls and guys on-and-off on my sobo (though I started alone), and I found it was much more enjoyable when we made plans individually but followed through on plans as a pair or group. In other words, get up in the morning and plan to hike your own hike and by the end of the day I guarantee one party or the other often molds their plans so that you can stay at the same shelter or campsite that night or hitch together into town. If you plan to stick together the entire length of the trail, I hope you really, really like each other...

[nitewalker]

I had already been planning a SOBO thru-hike this year, but I recently invited a girl friend (I am a guy) to come along and she took me up on it. I have no qualms about it, but any tips on how to make the hike go as smoothly as possible would be greatly appreciated. Logistics, hiking pace, sleeping situation, anything you can think of. Byah

just like the real world. keeping her happy will go a long way....

[JAK]

Let the slower hiker walk in front and set the pace, and make more choices.
Let the faster hiker carry more and do more camp work so the other can rest more.

Expect a lot of ups and downs and changes in weather, as with any hike. ;-)

[jbenson]

Are you really Hatteras Jack?

[Almost There]

If your significant other...she leads! If just a friend with no romantic desires, then depends on what you want, meaning do you want to hike your hike, or her hike? My wife leads when we hike, which means hiking with her limits me to about ten mile days vs the 15-20 I usually do. This makes hiking with her enjoyable...more mileage = both of us pissed off.

Good Luck!

[10-K]

Before you start a conversation while you're hiking ask, "Do you feel like talking?"

[bigcranky]

You might take a look at this link and see if it helps.

Actually, all of the Thru-Hiking Papers may be useful (that link above is one page from the whole set.)

In general, you need to answer some important questions before your hike. You get to define the questions, and there are no single right answers, but it's going to be incredibly helpful to ask and answer them before you leave.

My own suggestion would be to share as little gear as possible -- just the tent would be ideal. That way you are both self-sufficient should the need arise for you to spend the night apart, or should one of you need to get off the trail. (That's probably the number one question I would want answered before the hike: what happens when one of you wants to/needs to get off the trail? Does the other one quit, too? Or keep hiking? Or what?)

Good luck. I find hiking with my spouse of almost 30 years to be very rewarding, but it's completely different from solo or trips with my regular hiking partner.

[Smooth & Wasabi]

I agree it depends on the nature of the relationship and the resultant commitment to hike the entire way together. As in life communication is key. I hiked half the trail with my wife to be a decade ago. My advice if it is a romantic situation is to have more time and money than you think you will need. For us a partnership meant our mileage and town stops went to the lowest common denominator. If we both felt like puttingt in miles great. However it was invariable that we would each have different days we felt like hiking less or spending more time in town. That said I also know a couple who said that they motivated each other to keep going at those times so I guess it depends on the individual dynamic. If you are just friends make sure you have seperate gear and no shared mail drops. Like any friendship you might not want to hike together all the time.

[Starchild]

I have hiked very well with a S.O. and it can be a great weight savings + extra warmth if you both can hike 'as one' person. This is something I can do very naturally with the right person, but it does take 2 who are capable of this and willing. If you and her can do this it is a wonderful experience.

If not however you both need to be a bit more self sufficient.

Let the slower hiker walk in front and set the pace, and make more choices.
Let the faster hiker carry more and do more camp work so the other can rest more.

Basically this is how it works out in practice but this I have found would be the natural pattern that develops.

Good luck to you both

Peace

[fiddlehead]

She has to want to hike it as bad as you do.
Cause times are going to get tough, when it's raining, foggy, and your lost and hungry/tired.
So, unless she really wants to be there, it may not work out.

I did it with my ex-wife back in '77.
She loved the trail even though she didn't know what she was getting into.
She got dysentery once and took a week off at her brother's.
But couldn't wait to get back.
That's what it takes.

We got along much better on the trail than we did trying to live in babylon with jobs and not seeing each other so much.
We shared our equipment.
Some do, some don't.

I hiked with girls that I met on other thru's and then we each had our own gear as we met on the trail.
They worked out great too as we could easily go our own way whenever we wanted.

Have fun.

[RedBeerd]

Enjoy the opportunity. I'd love the experience of thru hiking with my woman.

[RedBeerd]

...and make sure to load the child bearing hips with all the heavy gear..

[bfayer]

...and make sure to load the child bearing hips with all the heavy gear..

I should try that one. "Look sweetheart, your body is designed to carry the extra weight for up to nine months at a time, its only fair".

I'm sure that would workout just swell :screwy:

[prain4u]

I am not in a romantic relationship with my hiking partner. We were simply college roommates 1,000 years ago.

The biggest challenge for us when we hike is the length of our walking strides. He is much taller than me and has longer legs. Thus, every 20 steps that we take--he gets 10-15 feet ahead of me. Most people would probably suggest that I hike first--being the slower hiker. However, we have found that the exact opposite works for us.

If I hike first, he ends up taking shorter--more choppy--steps which tires him out more and wrecks havoc on his knees (and/or he sometimes is literally stepping on my heels as we walk).

So, we have him hike in the lead--and I just take more steps per minute (and I stretch out my stride a little more) in order to keep up with him. This works better for us than having him take shorter steps or him walking slower. He also pauses every now and then (and grabs a sip of water) and waits a few seconds for me to catch up if I am falling behind. (Walking behind him, I can also see when I am slipping behind and can adjust my pace accordingly). All I know is that it works for us.

We each carry our own shelter. I use a hammock. He uses a tent. We each carry a cooking pot and some fuel--and our own food--in case we were to ever get separated.

I had two friends who became separated from each other when hiking--and one even took a wrong turn. It took them nearly a day to find each other. Sadly, one was carrying all of the food and the other one was carrying the stove and fuel. One had the tent and the other had the poles and stakes. The water definitely NEEDED to be filtered in this area--and only one of them carried a filter. The other one carried THE first aid kit for both of them. Bottom line: When they became separated from each other, they were both in big trouble. After their experience, I now ALWAYS make certain that I always have the ability to be 100% independent and 100% self-sufficient on the trail--even if I am hiking with a partner or group.

[Hipcheck]

I started with a great guy friend/hockey buddy... We camped together two nights and then the 3rd night he came up short.. We were apart the rest of the time. I stuck with a guy we met the second night, not involved romantically, and we made it to Katahdin together.


Plan to carry everything you need to hike solo..

My friend and I planned together, hiked together, etc but when it came down to it I just had a different pace. I wouldn't change a thing, because we had entirely different hikes.. I'm glad we each hiked our own hike instead of trying to stick together.

[daddytwosticks]

A past Whiteblaze thread dealing with a male hiking with a female recommended bringing lots of chocolate.

[yellowsirocco]

If it is your girlfriend then just keep her happy.

If it is just a female friend, then have completely independent gear in case you ever get tired of each other and need to split for a day or two. I have seen friends share gear before and it turns out bad. People need their space. In the end the vast majority of people who are friends even of the same gender that start together don't finish together, so just enjoy their company while it lasts and be ready to go separate ways.

[Zmaidment]

Happy wife=happy life. So does leaving her at home

[m_factor]

Aside from what's already been said, here's another idea...

If you don't already have a well-established hiking partnership, be open to varying the nature of your partnership on the trail. Not only might you hike at different paces, you might find that one of you prefers to lounge around in the morning while the other is up, packed, and ready to hike in 20 minutes. Or maybe one of you likes one long breaks while the other prefers lots of short breaks. This doesn't mean that your partnership won't be compatible, it just means you may have to rethink how you hike together.

I had a partner that was slow to get up in the morning and I was just plain slow. We ended up hiking separately in the morning. I would then stop at a pre-planned place for a long lunch and he would eventually catch up. Then we would hike together in the afternoon.

This gave us some time apart during the day and gave us things to talk about when we got together, too. It worked well for us.

Like others suggested, we were both self-sufficient in case we didn't meet up as planned. We also generally carried our own food rather than try to cook for two. We might end up eating the same thing or sharing our meals, but we weren't always in the mood for the same types of food.

Logistically speaking, if you have any maildrops (I don't recommend too many), you might want your support to leave them open until they're about to mail them. That way, if you end up separating for any reason (injury, relationship troubles, family emergencies at home, etc.), the maildrop with two people's worth of supplies won't go to one person. You can always direct your support person how to change the contents of your maildrop.

You may glean some more ideas from my web page about finding compatible partners for a thruhike... http://friends.backcountry.net/m_factor/partner.html