Is it selfish for married person to do thur-hike?

[Fredt4]

Yes, it's selfish, but that's not necessarily wrong. It's also reasonable that she had expectations that you would have changed your plans (most hikers will never actually try or finish their hike). Regarding your marriage, most people fail at marriage because they don't accept that change will happen. You must determine if she is able to accept your absence for 6 months, and she must determine if this hike is essential to you. Then you'll need to dance around the issues until there's a resolution. If either of you are unwilling to change then your marriage is probably doomed either way. Perhaps it's for the better, perhaps not. Only you can tell (assuming you're sufficiently aware). I know many that have thrown away a good marriage out of lack of awareness, and plenty that stayed too long in a bad marriage because of same. Best of luck.

[Gramps]

My wife and I have been married for 31 years this week and when I attempt my thru-hike in a year or 3, she will be glad to have some time alone. It's all in each couple's perspective. I know of many older couples who almost were never separated, and when the first one passed on, the second was almost at their wit's end because they didn't know how to function without the other. If my wife wanted to go off seeing the world while I stayed home, I'd tell her, "well, send me a postcard from time to time, and don't forget to write."

[Dr Gadget]

Selfish? Yes. Wrong? That depends. My husband is in the army, and getting back from a deployment in a few weeks, in 239 days I am leaving to do the thruhike for 6 months. Am I being selfish? Yes, I am taking 6 months away from my husband who has already been gone 9 months (we have spend 4 years of our 8 years of marriage in the same country) and I am leaving my children behind and my elderly dog. I am being selfish because every other year I am a single mom that has to do everything for everyone in our family and I need some ME time so I can keep my end of the bargain up. I want to find that part of me I have lost in endless nights of fear that my best friend has been killed or injured, or the endless days of children screaming that they hate me and want daddy. I am being selfish, but sometimes the best way to give your loved ones you, is for you to take you out of the picture to reconnect with you.

FREQUENTLY in this society, I think we confused self care with selfishness!!
As Just Bill says, so eloquently, it all depends on the couple, their relationship and the NEED!

[busyman]

My wife thinks it is selfish for a married person to want to do a thur-hike. I have done 1930 mi. so for hiking no more than a week at a time. This has to be the hardest way to do the AT. Anyone else been told this is selfish?

It IS more selfish of a spouse not to allow it. Make her get off her but and go with ya !!!

[Del Q]

My thinking, "everyone has right to be selfish to a degree"

This is my, yours, our life................that its, lets forget the debate on religion and "afterlife".

So, one night my wife and I are lying in bed, she shared with me that " all of my friends are really jealous that you leave to hike in the woods for 2 weeks and leave me alone". I asked which girlfriends, she said.............."ALL OF THEM'.

4-6 months is a long time, best case drive/fly her in for periodic visits in GREAT AT TOWNS.

[kayak karl]

It IS more selfish of a spouse not to allow it. Make her get off her but and go with ya !!!

MAKE HER, seriously?? Takes all kinds!

[Wise Old Owl]

O
M
G.
Watch out for the talons...

[Theosus]

I think its selfish on both your parts. MY wife hates me hiking. She doesn't even like me to be gone for the weekend. Going for 6 months would never happen. I'm gradually working up to a week at a time, and I figure I can do the southern half this way.
Its selfish of me to go against her wishes. Its just as selfish for her to tell me I can't go. Being married is about a compromise. Where to live, what to buy, what vacations to take (going on a cruise this summer but the naked beach was taken off the table. damn it), what kind of vehicle to buy (I would rather be burned at the stake than drive a mini van, whereas a motorcycle is a no on her part), which caliber of gun is appropriate… and what's for supper (Im going to open a restaurant called "It doesn't matter" - married guys will fill the place up every night).

The choice is, who gets to be more selfish? You for going or her for keeping you home. If you go, she's going to make you miserable. If you stay home, she'll be happy and you'll be miserable. Welcome to married life.

[gollwoods]

yes it is selfish. a family commitment comes first.

[Del Q]

Clearly a balancing act but if I decided to do a thru hike, and it was a REALLY important life goal for me and my wife said NO we would have a serious challenge on our hands.

My plan is to complete the AT, then the LT, then head out west for the PCT and finish with the CDT - she has no interest in long distance hiking.

I want to complete all 4 of these trails and see America at 1.5 - 2 miles per hour. Unless things change business-wise these will all be section hikes which means a lot of time away, money spent and time apart - which can be a great thing. My hope would be that she could fly out and meet me at cool spots at the beginning or end of these hikes.

Being apart can make relationships stronger.

[Del Q]

..maybe the comprimise is section hiking vs a thru hike, I like 2 weeks out in the spring and 2 in the Fall

[Sly]

yes it is selfish. a family commitment comes first.

It's not as simple as that.

First of all a married couple may not want a "family". They could be career or goal driven in which case it may be perfectly fine for one to follow their dream as the other takes care of business. One could hike while the other takes interest as home support. The other could do their own thing and take up golfing if they prefer.

Even with a family, it's possible to juggle a schedule to get the entire family involved for the majority of the hike.

[double d]

To the OP, how does your wife define someone who is "unselfish"? If someone has young kids at home, that's one thing, but if you're a empty nester, or have the funds to hike for six months, then do it. If my wife said to me what your wife said, I would wonder really fast what she thought about me as a person in general. I hope you and your wife can find some middle ground in order to have a happy and productive marriage, especially when you will benefit from the long distance hike.

[Spirit Walker]

If you want to do a thruhike, and your partner is truly opposed, then you will have to choose which you want in the long run, your marriage/partnership or your hike. In many cases you can't have both.

[gollwoods]

It's not as simple as that.

First of all a married couple may not want a "family". They could be career or goal driven in which case it may be perfectly fine for one to follow their dream as the other takes care of business. One could hike while the other takes interest as home support. The other could do their own thing and take up golfing if they prefer.

Even with a family, it's possible to juggle a schedule to get the entire family involved for the majority of the hike.

not all circumstances are the same, the original post says the wife objects, but at the age of 67 it is not the same degree as a young couple with more to worry about. I wouldn't be too happy not being able to hike due to the whim of a spouse but there are possible responsibilities that could change that.

[Another Kevin]

I'm mostly a clueless weekender, so I don't often do a Thur hike. I've been known to take a day off work before a holiday weekend to do a Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon hike, but a Thur hike is unusual for me.

[bfayer]

I'm mostly a clueless weekender, so I don't often do a Thur hike. I've been known to take a day off work before a holiday weekend to do a Fri-Sat-Sun-Mon hike, but a Thur hike is unusual for me.

You know AK, some day, you may make a spelling mistake in a post. If and when that ever happens, we will make fun of you relentlessly

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk

[HikerMom58]

You know AK, some day, you may make a spelling mistake in a post. If and when that ever happens, we will make fun of you relentlessly

Sent from my Galaxy Nexus using Tapatalk

Ha ha... bfayer. I don't want AK to EVER go on a Thur hike!

[Teacher & Snacktime]

We went on a Brrrr hike with him, but fortunately the cabin had a woodstove and we warmed up.

[fou]

My husband wants to thru-hike sometime after he retired. I want to bike across New Zealand.
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We're planning on doing both! AT thru-hike first in 2015 - then we'll have the gear to tackle NZ (2016 or 17??).