Weird thoughts and questions while hiking for hours, days, weeks......

[Different Socks]

Non long distance hikers often ask me, "what do you think about while you're out there for all thos miles?"

I never really had a good answer. So I decided that for each long hike I do in the future, I will submit 1 weird thought or question at the end of each daily journal entry. I have been collecting these entries for several months, but one came up yesterday while I was hiking that seems to occur on every trail no matter where I do my hiking. You could say this first question was encountered during my 1992 AT thru hike. Here is the weird(or not so weird) question:

--If you are already higher in elevation than a place you have to cross( a river, RxR tracks, hwy, etc), why do the trail builders make you ascend even more before you descend to cross that feature? In other words, why do they make you go up to go down?

Here is a few more non trail related:

--If Hawaii is considered a vacation destination, then where do the local Hawaiians go on vacation?
--If blood spills, what does it sound like?
--Why is it that in science fiction stories or movies/TV shows, the first thing to stop working or get damaged on a ship is the hyper drive engines? And why don't they put strong shields around the hyper drive?
--On Half and half cartons are there pictures of missing transvestites?
--If a model puts out a book on dieting, would it be rather thin?
--Is there really not a single word that rhymes with orange?
--Why do people that drive to the gym circle round and round the parking lot to find the closest spot to the entrance to park?
--Will we be so politically correct in the future that parents will say, “ My kids don’t read Winnie the Pooh! He is half naked”.
--Is there any song Weird Al won’t parody?
--If marijuana in rolling papers is called a joint, then why is tobacco in rolling papers called a cigarette?
--In Star Trek universe if they can extend life beyond 100 years why can’t they cure baldness?
--If a person suffers from Torrents Syndrome yet doesn’t know swear words, what would they say?
--If a person is going to repeat something, why do they say “I repeat”?
--Why do women buy/wear earrings that can be 3 inches across, then when they turn their heas it slaps them in the ace?
--Why do people wear their best for church?
--Ever known anyone that gets high all the time say no to this question: “Hey, wanna get high?”
--Why do some men stand so close to urinals?
--Why is a near plane collision called a near miss?
--IF THEY CAN PAY SOMEONE TO NAME WINTER STORMS WHY CAN’T THEY USE ONE TERM TO CLASSIFY CONDITIONS IN THE SKY? Ex: partly cloudy is same as mostly sunny
--If Adam and Eve had Cain, Abel and Seth, one brother killed the other, how did they populate the earth?
--What purpose do you celebrate your birthday: the year that just passed, the year that is coming or the date you were born?

Okay, okay that's enough. But I do have more if you like these.

Anybody have any of their own? Let's hear them!!

[Old Hiker]

How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?

What do chickens think we taste like?

Does spoiled milk come from pampered cows?

How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day and then come back for more the next day?

Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?

Why do we drive on a parkway and park in a driveway?

[Old Hiker]

When they ask you "What three things would you bring to a deserted island?" why doesn't anyone say "BOAT", "BOAT ENGINE", "GASOLINE"?

Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?

Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?

[Different Socks]

When they ask you "What three things would you bring to a deserted island?" why doesn't anyone say "BOAT", "BOAT ENGINE", "GASOLINE"?

Do Lipton tea employees take coffee breaks?

Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?

"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?

Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant?

OH, these are some good ones!! LMAO!!

[Onedawg]

Why do they call it a "hot water heater" when you don't have to heat hot water?

Why is there a mailbox in front of the post office?

[Rasty]

What's that smell?

[hikerboy57]

What's that smell?

cabbage. skunk cabbage.

[Dogwood]

--If Hawaii is considered a vacation destination, then where do the local Hawaiians go on vacation?

I can answer that one. When Hawaiians go on vacation they go where the non-Hawaiian vacationers aren't and mostly stay right in Hawaii, sometimes to another island though to visit friends and family. You must understand that many Hawaiians live a vacation lifestyle so many feel no need to set aside a special "two weeks" to go on a so called vacation as you are probably defining it. When Hawaiians(of Polynesians descent) do decide to take that week or two off they often go to Las Vegas to gamble. Surprisingly, there are quite a few Hawaiians in Alaska too. Serious.

[Carbo]

How can I be sure whether I think I'm dreaming or dreaming that I'm thinking?

[hikerboy57]

did i shut off the lights at home?

[Rasty]

I wonder what they are doing to my office while I'm gone as revenge for what I did to their office?

[Different Socks]

Okay, we got some good ones coming for others. Seriously, these are funny, yet truthfully mindind questions others and myself has asked themselves.

When he is captured, why doesn't the bad guy just shoot Bond?

If Wiley Coyote has all that money to buy stuff from ACME, why doesn't he just buy dinner?

Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adulthood?

If a siamese twin commits a crime, how do you punish them?

Why sterilize the site of a person getting a lethal injection?

If the president carries a wallet, would it have any cash?

Why are do so few people in the bible have last names?

Why is it that every time someone sees something on a chip, or stain, or piece of toast, it's always Jesus, Mary or God but not anything satanic?

Are there womens bathrooms in a gay bar? What about a mens room in a lesbian bar?

At the drive thru of a bank, why is there braille?

For those that speak using sign language, is it rude to do it if their hands are full?

If a person wears 2 aids and one is not working, do they hear only half of what is said?

[Dogwood]

How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day and then come back for more the next day?

WD largely didn't have this problem in his time. Waiting for LONG durations in lines is a more recent occurrence. Where he built WD World in Orlando was in orange orchard rural farm country, nothing like the city that it has become today. Many who he sought financial support from thought he was crazy contemplating building a theme park where he did. Obviously, they were wrong.

[Different Socks]

How did Walt Disney figure out how to make people pay to stand in lines all day and then come back for more the next day?

WD largely didn't have this problem in his time. Waiting for LONG durations in lines is a more recent occurrence. Where he built WD World in Orlando was in orange orchard rural farm country, nothing like the city that it has become today. Many who he sought financial support from thought he was crazy contemplating building a theme park where he did. Obviously, they were wrong.

Dogwood, while some of these questions may have answers, this is the HIKING HUMOR section. Let's hear some from you.

[Dogwood]

Why is it good to be a Daddy's girl, but bad to be a Momma's boy?

Macho stigma BS cultural norms. In some cultures they've gotten over this and it's quite acceptable and even complimentary for male children to be aligned with their mothers.

[Dogwood]

I know Different Socks. You're right. I'm so tired after pulling an all nighter that I've fallen into that Rain Man zone trying to figure out Abbot and Costello's Who's On First shtick.

[Rasty]

I know Different Socks. You're right. I'm so tired after pulling an all nighter that I've fallen into that Rain Man zone trying to figure out Abbot and Costello's Who's On First shtick.

Who's on first?

[A.T.Lt]

Where am I?

Where the hell am I going?

Are we there yet?

[kayak karl]

i think GAP is Latin for "hill ahead"
who put all these branches across the trail and where are the blazes.
a three hour tour, a three hour tour....
this is boring
that's right there's a snickers in my pack
how many people walked here before me?

[Teacher & Snacktime]

If a hen and a half laid an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a cricket with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?