Parental Concerns...

[masonormous]

Hello everyone! I am in the early stages of planning a NOBO thru anywhere from April to May of 2015. This is my first post, and will surely not be the last. Now with the purpose of the post...

I am 19, and will be 20 when I (Hopefully) hit the trail. I live with my mom and step-dad, and recently told her about my potential plans to do the AT. She seemed very disapproving of the journey... Thinking it irresponsible to leave my job, and everything else behind. While I understand her concerns, I still would like for her to be more accepting to the decision. By no means will her approval determine whether or not I will be doing the journey, nor am I seeking her approval, I just think it would make it easier on both of us to be on semi-level terms. So far our conversations lead to frustration on my end, and mostly un-needed advice from her... i.e. "you're gonna have to pay your bills" "how do you think you can do this when you have only been backpacking for a week a couple of times" etc.

I don't expect her to understand my reason for doing this, because I do not completely understand myself... It is just something that has constantly been calling to me for the past few months. So I was hoping to gather some advice by some people who are much more experienced in this subject, than I am myself. Any questions, concerns, criticism, and advice would be greatly appreciated.

[Slo-go'en]

The first thing to ask is "Are her concerns justified?" Unfortunately, it takes a lot of money to thru hike the AT these days and no doubt that it at the core of the dispute. If you have even just 2 or 3 thousand to spend on this trip (and most spend double that), she likely believes it could be better spent on other things. And if you don't have that cash, then where is going to come from?

[OCDave]

I'm of the opinion that you need to be able to stand on your own 2 feet before you can hike 2000 miles.

[gsingjane]

Hi there! I wish you lots of luck on your hike. It's kind of an amazing thing to do.

Now, I am the parent of three children who have already been, or are, your age. (And one who will be your age in 3 years.) I think, were any of them to come to me with a plan to thru-hike, and this is me who is already very sympathetic to and supportive of the idea, my primary response would be - so what's the plan sweetie? Going on the trail for six months is a terrific thing, but you always have to come back off the trail at some point, and "I'll figure it out when it happens" isn't actually the most encouraging thing a parent could hear.

A lot of parents, myself included, are pretty concerned about this idea that their children will not gain independence in due time. Nobody expects you to have a house and a professional job and be married at age 19, but we like to see that our children are at least on their way. I am sure your mom and step-dad are getting on towards retirement age, and generally, parents do not want to think that their kids will still be living at home indefinitely as that would change the shape and texture of their own plans tremendously.

I think if it were me, I would work on two plans, the first is (as Slo noted above) figuring out a fiscally prudent and responsible way to finance your hike. If it turns out you have to wait another year to save enough money, that's okay. Second, I would work on a plan for what you'll do when you come back. If you're sure your boss will take you back, that's great, but I'd then assure my folks that as soon as I returned, I'd begin saving for an apartment and not just have an open-ended plan to stay living at home. If you have thoughts of pursuing additional education (and in my view that's something you probably should consider), then start putting that in place now, thinking about where you'd go and what you'd do. You don't have to lock yourself into some iron plan from which you can never escape, but your mom does need to know that you are thinking about these things, and that you have their concerns (which sound to me like very valid concerns) firmly in mind.

I hope that helps!

Jane

[rickb]

Not sure why others are assuming that you don't have the money aspect figured out. We don't know you (and it's really none of our business) but it's not a stretch to think you already have funds to make this happen.

Your question seems to be more of the Dr. Phill variety-- how to handle your Mother's emotions.

You seems to have the first part figured out. That is to say you recognize they are her emotions/concerns and as a man you most certainly don't need to be driven by them-- but as a good son you want to respect them.

Not sure any one here could ever answer how to best do that in your particular situation, but if I were you I would keep in mind what every salesman knows -- a person's stated objections are not always their real objection.

[rickb]

BTW, there are a lot of videos and even stuff on NetFlix (like the National Geographic special) that can introduce a others to the beauty and joy of the AT in a easy-going way.

Just be sure to prescreen some of these first -- at least one I have seen make overemphasize the culture of smoking weed along the way. That may well be part of what's out there, but someone predisposed to "disapproval" could latch on to that.

[Pedaling Fool]

...By no means will her approval determine whether or not I will be doing the journey, nor am I seeking her approval, I just think it would make it easier on both of us to be on semi-level terms. So far our conversations lead to frustration on my end, and mostly un-needed advice from her... i.e. "you're gonna have to pay your bills" "how do you think you can do this when you have only been backpacking for a week a couple of times" etc.

That's what you get for living with mom. Don't move back in after your hike, or else you're just gonna hear more of this. That's just what moms do.

[Traveler]

Your mother's concerns are for her, as legitimate as you feel your position is. I am sure there is a lot of "unneeded advice" on a host of issues, some based on her own experiences in life, some based on her concern for your safety, some based on her concern for your future. This is a significant decision you are making that will impact your life in a lot of ways, along with that of your family. Due to its importance and potential impact on others, there are some hard questions you should carefully weigh as objectively as possible. For example;

OCDave has a good point, you should be able to afford the trip itself before you take a long walk like this. There are a variety of expenses you will have; transportation, hotels/hostels, laundry, food, replacement gear, and any emergency needs that pop up. What have you determined the minimum amount of the trip will be and what level of funding do you have to meet the minimum? You will probably hear some folks have done this for just a few thousand dollars, but the average rule of thumb I have seen the most is around $1,000 a month. At four to five months this can add up.

How will you manage your money during time you are on the trail? Do you have a debit card you can pre-load and keep track of your costs as you go? Are you planning on using a credit card for this, and if so, who will monitor and pay the card bills as they arrive?

Related to finances, do you have medical insurance coverage in case you get sick or have an injury during the journey? Among the most common reason people don't finish the trail is injury or illness. How is that insurance funded during your hike? There may be other considerations you have, like medication needs that will add to the hard costs of the journey.

Also related to costs of the journey, what kind of gear do you currently have? Are you fully outfitted or will you need new equipment, clothing, and/or foot gear? If you need gear, have you determined what you will need, the cost, and funding source? You will likely need to replace some gear like footwear during the trek, what are you planning for this cost and funding? If you don't have all the gear you will use, how much do you need and do you have the necessary cash to purchase it?

These expenses should be thought out and totaled to determine what your minimal cost estimate is and compare it to your cash reserves to ensure they are enough. If you will require some family financial support, only you can determine what level of impact to your family budget would be acceptable.

You don't say what was included in the "everything else" you are leaving behind, besides a job. Are you in school or is the job an apprentice position, if so how will you return to school or reacquire the apprenticeship opportunity on your return? Do you have a pet you would leave for others to care for and if so, how will you fund this? How about a car or other large items that will need storage, can you leave them where they sit or will you need to get a secure garage/storage site?

Then there is the journey itself. At 19, most things physical are probably inside your reach. However, what are you doing now to prepare yourself for a journey of this level? There is far more to this than physical ability, however that is certainly a part of it.

I completely understand the calling aspect of this and the adventure it represents. If you are taking this seriously these are some of the questions you should be mulling over.

[masonormous]

I'm in the process of saving up, and her concerns are justified. Ill hopefully have around 3000 (not including gear). Shes just afraid I will turn into this bear-grills rambler, who goes off on an adventure every 6 months...

[masonormous]

I thought about this for a long while. But I believe It will be easier to do this at my current position. No major job, No car payment, no rent... The less financial obligations I have, the easier it will be to save up, and hit the trail.

[masonormous]

Not sure why others are assuming that you don't have the money aspect figured out. We don't know you (and it's really none of our business) but it's not a stretch to think you already have funds to make this happen.

Your question seems to be more of the Dr. Phill variety-- how to handle your Mother's emotions.

You seems to have the first part figured out. That is to say you recognize they are her emotions/concerns and as a man you most certainly don't need to be driven by them-- but as a good son you want to respect them.

Not sure any one here could ever answer how to best do that in your particular situation, but if I were you I would keep in mind what every salesman knows -- a person's stated objections are not always their real objection.

This guy hit the nail on the head. My finances/gear expenses are being handled, and calculated. I'm fairly certain I can save money in time to get a good start. I just need to ease her into the idea that I can manage to live out of a backpack for 5 months.

[OCDave]

.... No major job, No car payment, no rent... The less financial obligations ...

Perhaps these are the issues with which your mother has concerns; Less obligations vs not assuming adult responsibilities. At 19 yo going on 20, is your mom trying to communicate that she is expecting more from you?

[masonormous]

Your mother's concerns are for her, as legitimate as you feel your position is. I am sure there is a lot of "unneeded advice" on a host of issues, some based on her own experiences in life, some based on her concern for your safety, some based on her concern for your future. This is a significant decision you are making that will impact your life in a lot of ways, along with that of your family. Due to its importance and potential impact on others, there are some hard questions you should carefully weigh as objectively as possible. For example;

OCDave has a good point, you should be able to afford the trip itself before you take a long walk like this. There are a variety of expenses you will have; transportation, hotels/hostels, laundry, food, replacement gear, and any emergency needs that pop up. What have you determined the minimum amount of the trip will be and what level of funding do you have to meet the minimum? You will probably hear some folks have done this for just a few thousand dollars, but the average rule of thumb I have seen the most is around $1,000 a month. At four to five months this can add up.

How will you manage your money during time you are on the trail? Do you have a debit card you can pre-load and keep track of your costs as you go? Are you planning on using a credit card for this, and if so, who will monitor and pay the card bills as they arrive?

Related to finances, do you have medical insurance coverage in case you get sick or have an injury during the journey? Among the most common reason people don't finish the trail is injury or illness. How is that insurance funded during your hike? There may be other considerations you have, like medication needs that will add to the hard costs of the journey.

Also related to costs of the journey, what kind of gear do you currently have? Are you fully outfitted or will you need new equipment, clothing, and/or foot gear? If you need gear, have you determined what you will need, the cost, and funding source? You will likely need to replace some gear like footwear during the trek, what are you planning for this cost and funding? If you don't have all the gear you will use, how much do you need and do you have the necessary cash to purchase it?

These expenses should be thought out and totaled to determine what your minimal cost estimate is and compare it to your cash reserves to ensure they are enough. If you will require some family financial support, only you can determine what level of impact to your family budget would be acceptable.

You don't say what was included in the "everything else" you are leaving behind, besides a job. Are you in school or is the job an apprentice position, if so how will you return to school or reacquire the apprenticeship opportunity on your return? Do you have a pet you would leave for others to care for and if so, how will you fund this? How about a car or other large items that will need storage, can you leave them where they sit or will you need to get a secure garage/storage site?

Then there is the journey itself. At 19, most things physical are probably inside your reach. However, what are you doing now to prepare yourself for a journey of this level? There is far more to this than physical ability, however that is certainly a part of it.

I completely understand the calling aspect of this and the adventure it represents. If you are taking this seriously these are some of the questions you should be mulling over.

"Everything else" is just a bland term. No real meaning behind it really, I just meant my home, family, pretty much the social aspect of my current life halting for a few months.

As for medical insurance, My dad is letting me stay on his until I get through with college (which I am taking a break from, for a long unrelated subject). However, he understands, and actually greatly supports my decision to do the AT.

Mentally, I don't know how to prepare for the journey. I'm reading book after book to get an idea of the troubles people encounter, be it emotional, or psychological.

I know it might be a bold and presumptuous decision, but im going to try and do this with as little/cheap town visits as possible. Very few zero days to save money, and gain miles. I know it can be done with the budget I have. But if I can do it is another question...

Thanks for the long reply! No advice from anyone is going un-noted.

[rhjanes]

$3000? That is the bare minimum for most people. $4000 would be better. And that is after you have all the gear.
I'd suggest at least once a month, going out all weekend hiking and camping. This will do several things. Test all your gear. Make sure you know how to use it all. You mom will see you leave Friday after work, and return Sunday evening, safe, smiling, fed, etc. Go in bad weather also.

[masonormous]

BTW, there are a lot of videos and even stuff on NetFlix (like the National Geographic special) that can introduce a others to the beauty and joy of the AT in a easy-going way.

Just be sure to prescreen some of these first -- at least one I have seen make overemphasize the culture of smoking weed along the way. That may well be part of what's out there, but someone predisposed to "disapproval" could latch on to that.

I watched the one on netflix with her several months ago actually. But its more geared towards the biological aspects of the trail, as apposed to the thru hiking itself... I agree that educating her on what exactly I will be doing will greatly help. But I suppose its just a kid deciding to go on a 6 month vacation in her eyes.

[masonormous]

$3000? That is the bare minimum for most people. $4000 would be better. And that is after you have all the gear.
I'd suggest at least once a month, going out all weekend hiking and camping. This will do several things. Test all your gear. Make sure you know how to use it all. You mom will see you leave Friday after work, and return Sunday evening, safe, smiling, fed, etc. Go in bad weather also.

I've done this more times than I can count. I go on a 5 day trip with some high school friends every summer, and have been for the past 5 years. And just about every weekend I go to a state park to backpack.

[rickb]

Mentally, I don't know how to prepare for the journey. I'm reading book after book to get an idea of the troubles people encounter, be it emotional, or psychological.

A solo hike this fall on over a long and rainy long weekend this fall might provided some insight too .

As for reading, please read this:

http://www.spiriteaglehome.com/THP_top.html

Then read it over again a few times more. Its good stuff.

[Bronk]

"He'll be back in 3 days." "He doesn't have any idea what he's doing." "He's never been camping for more than 3 days before."

This is what I heard from my mother before I left. Along with the same concerns about leaving a good job. I started in February and made it 850 miles. Believe it or not, most people that attempt this have never been backpacking before. You'll find another job.

[Mags]

Moms just worry. It is what they do. The best way to truly make her prepared is to go out and actually do the journey.

I'm 40 years old. My Mom still worries about me even when I take a weekend trip solo.

[Another Kevin]

My mom worried about me right up to her dying day, even when the worry had transmogrified to, "do you think you should be trying something like that ... at your age?"

If the parents are paying for the trip, then you owe them some input in the decisions. If you're traveling on your own nickel, then ... go carpe yourself some diem!