Leaving kids to thru hike?

[Mouse Poo]

I'm wondering, since I've got three kids ages 6, 8 and 11, how other parents have faired with thru-hiking. I'd like to hear what other parents who have thru'ed have experienced. I haven't firmly set a date for my thru yet but am leaning towards 2010.

[Lone Wolf]

Thru-hiking is a selfish thing to do when you have young children at home. Stay home and raise them.

[general]

take em' with you

[Mouse Poo]

That's what I've been doing since we started our family. Haven't "worked" in over 8 years. I just took my first solo vacation, a whole 4 days, since the day I was married. My husband stayed home to give me a needed break. I posted to find out what others have actually experienced in order to learn from their success/failure.

[Lone Wolf]

Take the kids with you then. Kids need mommy. My mom died the day after my 8th birthday. Thru-hiking is a want not a need. It's just recreation. Raise your kids.

[Mouse Poo]

general-Taking them is, of course, an option. If they want to go. The older two have expressed interest. The oldest has gotten into BPing with his Boy Scout troop. The little one likes to hike too. We're going on what will be her first overnight on Labor Day!

[frieden]

I was worried that I wouldn't be a good mom, because I was such a work-a-holic. The instant my daughter was born, the rest of the world faded away, and my entire life centered around her. I didn't have what some people would say is a healthy balance. I didn't go anywhere without my kids, except work. I was happier around my kids, than anywhere else, so that's where I spent my time. However, that was me. Not everyone is the same way, and it doesn't make them or me wrong. I did what felt right for me, and I don't regret any of it.

Not everyone was meant to have kids, either. I worked with a woman who had a little boy. She left him at her mom's house for months at a time, and then feel lonely, and bring him home for a bit. When she got tired of him, and wanted to go party, he would go back to his grandma's house.

In my opinion, and this is just my opinion, a child is a long-term committment. When they turn 18, you boot them out of the nest, or send them off to college. Although they will always need you in some way, that is when you get to spend your time on yourself.

There's nothing wrong with your husband and you going off for a weekend, but a 6-month leave seems like an after-kids thing. I know how you feel; we've all been there. Sometimes, things get to be too much. If you decide to do the thru hike without your family, consider including them any way you can. They can help you plan, dehydrate food, handle mail drops, keep up with your online journal for you, and join you for some sections of the trail. I know you feel like you need to get away, but try to consider how your kids will see it. It depends on how you approach it. They will feel a lot better about helping mom to achieve a life-long dream, than if they feel that you just needed to get away from them. Does that make sense? Have them meet you for a couple of sections, and then at Katadin to celebrate the accomplishment together.

[strebor]

I also have children. I have 4 of them from ages 11 to 2. I decided to thru-hike next year. I am also facing the dilema of leaving my children for a time.

I will include my children as much as possible in the planning and will keep in constant contact with them. Yeah it is a long time to leave your children, but it is your choice and if it is a dream of yours as it has been mine for along time. Then as Nike says Just Do IT!

[Lone Wolf]

How selfish.

[Frolicking Dinosaurs]

You asked for experience. Mine is that I chose to wait until my children were grown. L.Wolf makes a good point: While both parents are important, mother's are very important to young children.

[One Leg]

When I decided to hike, we took all 6 with us. Wife followed along with the motorhome, and I took some on the trail with me. Wouldn't have done it at all had that arrangement not been available. Couldn't imagine going that long without seeing the kids. In hindsight, I'd follow Wolf's advice and wait till the kids were older/grown before doing it. It was something that I wanted to do, and made them "want" to do. In other words, it was my deal, not theirs... I was selfish, period.

Ask yourself this before making a firm commitment to thru:
If your child runs out in the street and is killed by a passing motorist while you're on the trail, how will you live with yourself knowing that you were out pursuing a personal goal rather than making memories with them? Granted, they'd be dead, but you'd have the memories of actually being with them as opposed to playing mommy-by-phone.

It's just something for you to think about...

No shame in sectioning AND including the husband/kids...The memories made that way will last a lot longer, and you will all learn a new appreciation for one another.

[Awol2003]

A reminder; the thread started with "I'd like to hear what other parents who have thru'ed have experienced." Since having kids, my opinions about raising them have changed dramatically.

I thru'ed in 2003 (alone) when my kids were 5, 8 and 9. I went relatively fast (146 days), and burned through a bunch of phone cards. My family came to see me off, visited me in VA, and came to Maine at the end. My oldest went up Katahdin with me. It was a good age for the kids. When they are younger, they are more dependent; when they are older they need more tutoring.

Luckily my wife was (is) extremely independent and creative. Instead of sitting around missing Dad, they set out to have a special summer of their own, visiting relatives and trying out all kinds of new activities.

Once during my hike my kids expressed more commitment to me finishing than I had myself. In the end, my thru-hike was a boon to my kids. They know I am a "doer". There was no better way to teach to see the possiblities in their own lives.

Awol

[map man]

I think it would be interesting to have the perspectives of a couple other groups on this too:

1) There are a lot of people here at WhiteBlaze who as children were introduced to hiking by their parents. It would be interesting to know what they experienced at the time if they happened to have a mother or father or both gone for a significant amount of time to go hiking, whether that involved an AT thru-hike or not. Did it seem cool? Did you feel neglected?

2) There are a lot of members here in the military either now or in the past. Sometimes military service involves being away from the kids for long periods of time. How did your kids handle this? Do you have any suggestions for making your absence as easy as possible for your kids?

I think perhaps the original poster, and others contemplating a thru-hike with kids at home, might find these perspectives useful.

[Skyline]

I don't think there are any absolute, one-size-fits-all answers here.

It depends on the kids. It depends on the relationship between the kids and their parents.

While it may be "ideal" in some Ozzie and Harriet fantasyland to have a mother and father present at all times, it just doesn't happen at all times and many of their kids turn out just fine.

I'd say if the kids have special needs or are extremely dependent for any other reason you might consider delaying your hike until they are older. But if no special circumstances exist, you could safely start devising creative ways to do what you want to do, and include the rest of your family to the extent you can. That's not selfish, and you can all benefit from the journey if you do it right.

There are people who will try to make you feel guilty if you do the hike. Chances are, these same folks would try to make you feel guilty if you pursued a career and didn't stay home scrubbing floors and cooking meals 24/7. Hopefully we've evolved enough as a society to know what a crock that kind of propaganda is. Hopefully, parents today stay home to be full time homemakers because they want to, not because they are guilted into it.

If doing a single-shot thru-hike is not in the cards, for whatever reason, nothing wrong with doing a section hike that lasts several years. It's still the AT, and you still get to do all the miles.

[One Leg]

I don't think there are any absolute, one-size-fits-all answers here.

It depends on the kids. It depends on the relationship between the kids and their parents.

While it may be "ideal" in some Ozzie and Harriet fantasyland to have a mother and father present at all times, it just doesn't happen at all times and many of their kids turn out just fine.

I'd say if the kids have special needs or are extremely dependent for any other reason you might consider delaying your hike until they are older. But if no special circumstances exist, you could safely start devising creative ways to do what you want to do, and include the rest of your family to the extent you can. That's not selfish, and you can all benefit from the journey if you do it right.

There are people who will try to make you feel guilty if you do the hike. Chances are, these same folks would try to make you feel guilty if you pursued a career and didn't stay home scrubbing floors and cooking meals 24/7. Hopefully we've evolved enough as a society to know what a crock that kind of propaganda is. Hopefully, parents today stay home to be full time homemakers because they want to, not because they are guilted into it.

If doing a single-shot thru-hike is not in the cards, for whatever reason, nothing wrong with doing a section hike that lasts several years. It's still the AT, and you still get to do all the miles.

Hey Skyline!

How in the world are you?? Seems like a month of Sundays since we've talked.. You going to the Gathering this year? If so, I'm looking forward to seeing you again..

Scott

[strebor]

Thats the best advise I have seen on this site!

Mouse I would say that you need to set back and evaluate your situation. Talk with your husband and kids and see what they think. And, as a family come to a decision on what to do.

I was deployed in 2001 (U.S Army) and it came as a shock to my children. As well as me and my wife and my entire National Guard Unit. But, even with the suprise we made it work. Talked with my kids as much as I could. My wife would constantly let them know where I was and what I was up to. In the end they were fine. No big mental issues and no counseling and that was for over a year of being gone.

So Hike your own Hike ( Live your own life). Take it with a grain of salt and in the end. Do what you and your family decides is best.

[Hammerhead]

I'm planning my thru hike for next year and I have a 6yr old son. I plan on having him and my wife spend weekends with me when my hike takes me closer to home. I initially wanted to go Sobo, but I'd be missing too many important events at home if I did that. I'll just try my best to explaian to him what I'm doing even though he's way to young to understand why. I also plan on keeping a personal journal just for him as I believe it will help me to keep on keeping on. Plus, I think it will mean a lot more to him to have something personal like that instead of when I used to travel for work and all I'd bring him home was some dumb toy from the airport or whatever.

[gsingjane]

Two books you might want to look at before you make a firm decision are Left For Dead by Beck Weathers, and On the Ridge by David Roberts. Both of these books are by people who voluntarily made the decision to leave their families, often for extended periods of time, to follow personal adventure/sport goals, and what they ultimately came to feel about themselves and their decisions as events unfolded and life progressed.

HTH,

Jane in CT

[cannonball]

Definiately stay home and raise your kids. 5-6 month abscence for kids that age is far to long. Don't dilute yourself that you can compensate with a pocket full of phone cards and a few "off trail" visits along the way.
As far as taking them along.......thats really whack. A kid that age, like a dog, does'nt decide to thru hike theyy just get taken along by those who are in control of them.

[Peaks]

One person who has had a lot of hiking and other outdoor adventures with her children is Cindy Ross. She thru-hiked before children, and earns a living by writing. I suggest that you research some of her many articles about the hiking and other adventures she has done with her family.