How do you deal with negative criticism?

[xpaeanx]

First I’ll give you my back story. Up until now, other than short day hikes, I’ve always hiked with someone… usually my bf.
Recently, I’ve decided that I want to experience a multi-day hike alone. Not saying that I won’t talk to people and not camp next to them… but that I am going to set off by myself.

I’m planning a small section of the AT that’s fairly easy and close to where I live for this summer, and I have been swamping myself with researching every little aspect of it.

Anyway, if I mention this to anyone other than the bf they all give comments that boil down to… “You’re young and female… obviously you are incapable.”

It even went as far as one guy, who I don’t know personally at all, told me, “It’s good you’re spending that much time researching it, maybe it will make you realize how bad of an idea it is.”

If I say anything about it to the bf, his response is “Well you’re going about everything the right way, so just use this as a way to show them up.”

But my question is, when you get comments like that… how do you handle them? It really bothers me… a lot. I basically just stopped talking to people about it at all… I’m even at the point that I keep a blanket in my car to throw over my gear so no one talks to me about it.

[jesse]

It actually is risky for females to hike alone.

[brian039]

Don't even bring it up, then when you're done with your trip tell them all about it.

[NLaeger]

You have to do what you think is right for you and not let the negative comments get to you. I have always worked in male driven jobs and have occasionally gotten that same attitude, right up until i proved to them that they were wrong and that I was just as capable as they were!
Don't back down, talk to people about it! and have the courage to stand up for yourself and do the things that you want to do. Be confident!!! No matter what you do in life you are going to get the negative side of things, but you will also get the positive!! Take both of them and use them to your advantage!!!
The best way to prove to people is to go out and do it!! but be safe about it, use common sense, and have a great time!

[Hikes in Rain]

Hi, xpaeanx. Geez, there are morons everywhere. Guys sometimes get that same sort of criticism, too. Mostly from insecure pinheads who just can't do what you can, so they feel the need to put you down. With age and experience, comes.....indifference. The ones who say such things do so because they can't do it. Those who can, will inevitably be very supportive of your efforts. So, bottom line, the folks with the negative criticism aren't worth the effort.

The ones who smile knowingly, and nod...they're worth the effort.

So, how do you handle them? Look them square in the eye. Laugh. Challenge them to keep up with you. Then, walk away.

Wish I'd learned that when I was your age.

[Rasty]

Ignore the ding-dongs and don't ask. Solo hiking is very fulfilling and relatively safe if you are aware and cautious. Nay sayers suck but 95% of the American population doesn't do anything adventurous. Hopefully no one here tells you a girl can't do it (used girl on purpose to illustrate that kind on mentality). BF sounds like a keeper.

[Hairbear]

Hi, xpaeanx. Geez, there are morons everywhere. Guys sometimes get that same sort of criticism, too. Mostly from insecure pinheads who just can't do what you can, so they feel the need to put you down. With age and experience, comes.....indifference. The ones who say such things do so because they can't do it. Those who can, will inevitably be very supportive of your efforts. So, bottom line, the folks with the negative criticism aren't worth the effort.

The ones who smile knowingly, and nod...they're worth the effort.

So, how do you handle them? Look them square in the eye. Laugh. Challenge them to keep up with you. Then, walk away.

Wish I'd learned that when I was your age.

There it is pearls of wisdom for sure.

[hikerboy57]

It actually is risky for females to hike alone.

no its not. not on the at anyway.
you just have to use good judgement and trust your instincts.
you wouldnt happen to be the op's dad by any chance, would you?

[hikerboy57]

if i listened to everyone in my life , and let them talk me out of doing the things i really wanted to do, well i would have had a pretty miserable life.the years i did listen to people tell me what to do were the unhappiest of my life.
follow your bliss.
you can still listen to the people who say they love you,they think they have your best interests at heart,
but you dont have to "hear"them.

[Slo-go'en]

When you talk to your friends and family about this, they have no clue. They have visions of you heading into a trackless wilderness in some third world country. I suppose to them, anything outside of LI and NYC is

You can try to educate them, but its likely a waste of effort. Its hard to keep the enthusiasm to yourself, but its either that or shugg off the sceptical responces. Be careful though, next thing they'll know you'll be planning a through hike

[Red Hat]

I had a lot of naysayers too, and I was 55 when I started hiking the AT. My parents were the worst. They did not understand how I could leave my husband to take care of himself and go hiking. He, on the other hand, was wonderful! At first he would even drop me off and pick me up down the road. Eventually, he decided that he would rather just stay home, but he understood that I need to hike. Sometimes he would even tell me to "take a hike, you are getting cranky". LOL...

You will be fine out there. Trust your instincts. There are tons of women alone on the AT. Folks on Long Island don't really get it, like lots of others, especially those who live in cities. You'll find that it is best to just not talk about it to people who do not understand. Those who do will want to hear all about it when you get back.

[Hot Flash]

It actually is risky for females to hike alone.

Oh please, why don't you leave the 50's behind and move into the 21st century with the rest of us? I've been hiking alone since I was 17, and I've never had any problems, and in fact I'm probably way safer out on the trail than I am walking down the street in any city.

Xpaeanx, don't you listen to anyone who says that just because you're a girl that you shouldn't solo. Just because they're too fearful to have an adventure, or just because they're stuck in the 'Father Knows Best' era doesn't mean you have to listen to them.

You want to hike, you do it, and forget about what anyone says.

[xpaeanx]

It actually is risky for females to hike alone.

It’s risky to do a lot of things though, like leave your house or get in a car or walk on the sidewalk. If we never did anything because it was risky, we would never do anything. Something being risky, doesn’t make it a person incapable of doing it. It just means when you do it, you have to take certain precautions to be as safe as possible about it.

Don't even bring it up, then when you're done with your trip tell them all about it.

This is pretty much what my approach is now. /sigh. I’d like to talk about it, because I am very excited… but, I really don’t want the “You can’t do it remarks.” Tips, hints, advice from experienced people are all welcome…

You have to do what you think is right for you and not let the negative comments get to you. I have always worked in male driven jobs and have occasionally gotten that same attitude, right up until i proved to them that they were wrong and that I was just as capable as they were!
Don't back down, talk to people about it! and have the courage to stand up for yourself and do the things that you want to do. Be confident!!! No matter what you do in life you are going to get the negative side of things, but you will also get the positive!! Take both of them and use them to your advantage!!!
The best way to prove to people is to go out and do it!! but be safe about it, use common sense, and have a great time!

Yeah, I’m not really an “in your face” type person. I’m more of the quiet behind the scenes type person. I’m confident in myself, but I’m not good at debate type conversations. I guess I’m just looking for tips on how to tell people to keep their negative opinions to themselves without being completely rude.

Hi, xpaeanx. Geez, there are morons everywhere. Guys sometimes get that same sort of criticism, too. Mostly from insecure pinheads who just can't do what you can, so they feel the need to put you down. With age and experience, comes.....indifference. The ones who say such things do so because they can't do it. Those who can, will inevitably be very supportive of your efforts. So, bottom line, the folks with the negative criticism aren't worth the effort.

The ones who smile knowingly, and nod...they're worth the effort.

So, how do you handle them? Look them square in the eye. Laugh. Challenge them to keep up with you. Then, walk away.

Wish I'd learned that when I was your age.

Thank you for your post. I wish I could find more of the “smile knowingly and nod type people”…. /sigh. The person quoted above actually asked why I wouldn’t just want to stick to the nicely manicured hikes that we have here on Long Island. I was kinda like, if you really need me to answer that question, it would just be a waste of time and energy.

Ignore the ding-dongs and don't ask. Solo hiking is very fulfilling and relatively safe if you are aware and cautious. Nay sayers suck but 95% of the American population doesn't do anything adventurous. Hopefully no one here tells you a girl can't do it (used girl on purpose to illustrate that kind on mentality). BF sounds like a keeper.

Yes, I want to solo-hike because I want to be able to spend some time with myself… like completely by myself outside undisturbed. You can use girl, because I am one. LOL. And that’s basically exactly what people around here have been saying, well outside of my family anyway.
And yes, the BF is a total keeper. J We get along so well because we’re not just bf/gf… we’re actually best friends.

no its not. not on the at anyway.
you just have to use good judgement and trust your instincts.
you wouldnt happen to be the op's dad by any chance, would you?

Yes, I picked the AT purposely because it has a good “safe” reputation. Obviously, there are risk everywhere… but I’m trying to minimize them as much as possible without keeping myself from living life.
And he’s def not my dad. LOL. My family is actually very supportive. They’re “a little nervous about it, but know it’s going to be one of those amazing experiences I will remember forever.” This thread is mostly directed at the people who don’t know me and find it imperative to inform that I am going to fail.

if i listened to everyone in my life , and let them talk me out of doing the things i really wanted to do, well i would have had a pretty miserable life.the years i did listen to people tell me what to do were the unhappiest of my life.
follow your bliss.
you can still listen to the people who say they love you,they think they have your best interests at heart,
but you dont have to "hear"them.

Yeah, no one is talking me out of it! No way! This is something I’ve wanted to do for a long time… and I’m at the point where I need to do it. And yes, when I did what other people wanted of me… it wasn’t my happiest moments. I’m doing much better now that I have my life going the way *I* want it to.

When you talk to your friends and family about this, they have no clue. They have visions of you heading into a trackless wilderness in some third world country. I suppose to them, anything outside of LI and NYC is

You can try to educate them, but its likely a waste of effort. Its hard to keep the enthusiasm to yourself, but its either that or shugg off the sceptical responces. Be careful though, next thing they'll know you'll be planning a through hike

Ok, I had to LOL at the first part. Growing up I’ve moved every few years… I’ve been in the middle of nowhere and I’ve been in cities. IMO NYC is WAY more dangerous than the woods any day of the week! There are neighboring boroughs that I won’t even drive through!
As for the second part, that pretty much where I am right now. I really want to be able to share, because I am very excited about it… but at the same time, I don’t always want to have to explain why I am not going to die the second I set foot on the trail over and over and over.
And um…. I would love to do a thru-hike, but time and money become an issue. And for that one, I’d want someone to hike with. A few weeks alone is one thing… but for months I’d want someone with me to talk with.

[hikerboy57]

so basically the answer to your question is simple. how do you handle them?you dont.
instead give them something to gossip about.
now get out there and hike!

[xpaeanx]

I had a lot of naysayers too, and I was 55 when I started hiking the AT. My parents were the worst. They did not understand how I could leave my husband to take care of himself and go hiking. He, on the other hand, was wonderful! At first he would even drop me off and pick me up down the road. Eventually, he decided that he would rather just stay home, but he understood that I need to hike. Sometimes he would even tell me to "take a hike, you are getting cranky". LOL...

You will be fine out there. Trust your instincts. There are tons of women alone on the AT. Folks on Long Island don't really get it, like lots of others, especially those who live in cities. You'll find that it is best to just not talk about it to people who do not understand. Those who do will want to hear all about it when you get back.

HaHa. That sounds like how my bf is with my animals. He loves hiking though, so getting him to go is never a problem… which is fine with me!
And yeah, I read about all the women who hike the AT alone and how it was such an amazing experience for them. I can’t wait to be able to talk about my time alone. I mean, my hike won’t be as intense since it is just a short time in the summer, one an easier part of the trail… but I know it will still be one of those amazing memories. And, although this part I really have been keeping to myself… I’m and planning it to the be the first of many of those types of memories.

Oh please, why don't you leave the 50's behind and move into the 21st century with the rest of us? I've been hiking alone since I was 17, and I've never had any problems, and in fact I'm probably way safer out on the trail than I am walking down the street in any city.

Xpaeanx, don't you listen to anyone who says that just because you're a girl that you shouldn't solo. Just because they're too fearful to have an adventure, or just because they're stuck in the 'Father Knows Best' era doesn't mean you have to listen to them.

You want to hike, you do it, and forget about what anyone says.

Yeah, I’d have to agree with being on a trail safer than being in a city. 1,000x agree! I get the “fight or flight” response a lot more in cities than I have on any hike ever.

so basically the answer to your question is simple. how do you handle them?you dont.
instead give them something to gossip about.
now get out there and hike!

HaHa! Will do! I have been going out every chance I get!
I just wish I could share my enthusiasm with people… and have an escape plan if they end up the type of person who thinks “it just can’t be done.”

[Blissful]

It actually is risky for females to hike alone.

I hiked the trail SOBO 80% alone, and the Long Trail.

And I ridge run.

I'm still here...

[G-FOURce]

Blah!

If you have it in your heart to do it, and you have the mettle for it, then what the hell does the rest matter? No offense, but to hell with validation.... Just do it.

[Karma13]

Two words: Don't engage.

Make up your mind, and do what you want to do -- there's no need to discuss it with anybody or answer to anybody about it. Just smile and walk away. It's not like anything you say will change their opinion anyway.

Tossing a blanket over the gear is the way to go. Other hikers are "your people," anyway. Not non-hikers, who don't get it at all.

(And by the way... I'm a solo hiker, and I love it.)

[minda]

My response, when my mother in law made a similar comment, was that I would rather die having an adventure of a lifetime than sit on couch & wonder what it would be like. She was really freaked out when we were hiking Mt. Rainier. So far, she hasn't said anything about my AT plans.

[JAK]

I am 50 and male and even I get criticism for hiking alone, paddling on the river alone, winter camping alone. My only advice is to not let it effect your objectivity. There are real dangers out there, so it is import to not let the non-constructive criticism and useless advice interfere with your ability to distinguish fact from fancy. Do your own research, build on your skills and knowledge and self-awareness. Be your own person. My daughter is 13. I am trying to teach her to learn to take care of herself. It isn't easy. I am particularly nervous about trips down south. Sometimes I think it would be better to avoid well travelled places like the AT. One one hand there is safety an numbers, but if you travel alone or alone with a young child you could be a target for nut jobs. Maybe trail journals or posting your travel plans on the internet are a particularly bad idea. Better to post a trail journal after the fact maybe. I don't know. I suggest you figure it all out for yourself. Just don't let the criticism get to you. Even when it is based on ignorance sometimes it just happens to coincide with what might make good sense. So don't let it get to you. That's all I'm saying.