View Full Version : Watching someone quit
This is sort of a story and something I felt like expressing I thought I'd share, I regret I can't provide many specific details (almost 2 years is a long time ago for me and details) but they're not really the point. Please forgive the exposition, just trying to paint a picture :D.
I was about 3/4 through my thru hike by myself, at this point I was in between hiking groups and buddies I'd decided to hang around. I believe it was around Massachusetts, and there was a relatively easy day except for a fairly strenuous (800'?) ascent and immediate descent at the end over a mountain with a fire tower at the top. It was raining and gloomy all day. Near the beginning of my hike this might have been a crucible experience, but by then I'd been through and over way too many things to think anything of a dinky little mountain in the rain. The day before I'd run into a bubble of section hikers, and since I'd left early in the season I was the only thru-hiker they had seen. When they found out it brought a barrage of questions, something I tolerated but wasn't really comfortable with. I had done the hike as a way to be by myself and get away from the world, so I'd become pretty introverted for those few months. The most enthusiastic was a larger kid, 6'6" and probably 350 pounds. He had a pack probably twice the weight he should have had, and by his own admission was new to hiking. He seemed to be having a good time so I didn't give him any advice (which he could have used), and anyway I'm not the type to tell someone else how to hike.
The next day had that pretty substantial climb at the end, all in all it was about a 18 mile day and by chance we all planned on doing the same mileage. I slept in and left at about 8:30, everyone else was long gone by then. Along the way I passed everyone in the group and got in at around 3. Luckily the shelter was pretty deluxe, had a sheltered porch and bunks tucked back inside a ways which was nice because the storm was picking up and would last all night. I chilled out and made my dinner at the table, and one by one the hikers I'd met before came in. They were less enthusiastic then they'd been the night before and in the morning, but most were still smiling. A while after the last arrived the bigger kid stumbled in, it was about 20 minutes before he would've needed his headlamp to not trip every 10 feet. He wasn't smiling, he threw down his pack and before he sat down started repeating "I'm done."
By Massachusetts I'd wager that anyone voluntarily withdrawing from a thru hike would've done it already, i.e. if you make it that far you'll make it the whole way. Combining that with the fact that I started early in the season (the hikers around me were still spread thin), I hadn't seen anyone depressed enough to quit a hike in quite a while. It made a very strong impression on me for reasons I still can't fathom, but I thought I'd share my thoughts because I think they tie in closely with the mindset needed to persevere and complete any hike longer then a weekend.
As someone who'd by that time overcome weather, injuries, medically significant dehydration and giardia to get where I was I couldn't imagine anyone who'd want to stop hiking. Rain and climbs be damned, I was having fun. I'd imagine that as progressively larger obstacles are overcome in a thru hiker's journey, a sense of stubbornness develops to where after a couple months almost anything short of grievous bodily harm could happen and it wouldn't matter. This feeling being combated by what my eyes and ears were observing in this person shook me deeply. He was hiking. Why would he want to stop?
There were 8 of us in the shelter by that point, all of us in variations of dinner, reading, talking to each other, or lying waiting for sleep (tired as we were the storm made that kind of hard). A couple guys ignored him because of discomfort or because they didn't care, I don't know. Some of the others tried to encourage him, at least to wait until morning. The storm would pass, and it would be a new day. I noncommittally frisbeed my guidebook from my corner in the back to one of the hikers in that group and they pointed out the terrain was easy for the next couple of days, which it was.
After all the opinions died down I decided to step in. As hard as it was for me to reconcile, I don't like seeing people not having fun. He obviously wasn't prepared for this, and a mid-course adjustment of gear or itinerary had a really slim chance of making this a positive experience for him in the end. In my opinion, better to go home and learn from it, and come back another time to try again. I said this in so many words and got mostly negative but not irate feedback from the "keep at it" crowd I talked about. However, even though I didn't use it to make my case the fact that I had at that point hiked over 100 times the miles of everyone else in the shelter (to say nothing of his state of mind) convinced the dejected hiker to take my advice and call it quits. Very luckily there was a road crossing a few miles down an easy stretch of trail, and being a section hiker he lived not too far away and could use one of our phones to call a friend to pick him up, which is what he did the next day. Some of us stayed with him to make sure he got a ride, and then kept going.
Sometimes hiking the AT sucks. I think the difference is that even when it sucks, some of us at least in a small part of our minds are having a fandamntastic time. We're probably a little tweaked in the head. Oh well.
Big Dawg
03-04-2014, 03:06
Thanks for sharing!
I've been working on my section hike of the trail for more than 13 years. Sometimes I beat myself up for taking so long to reach 800 miles, but then I get over myself and think about all of the experiences I've had, good and bad, that have made me a better person. Several of those trips, early on, were aborted because I was unprepared. I went home with my tail between my legs, learned from my mistakes, and was back where I left off to continue down the trail. I'm glad I did. Now I know I'll finish the trail one day. It's such a deep rooted goal in my life now. I receive immense satisfaction from my hikes, and can't imagine giving up now. I'm starting to pick up the pace on miles per trip, and hope to be done in 6 to 8 years.
You're suggestion to that unprepared section hiker was probably a good thing. He most likely would have continued to go downhill in his abilities, and may have ended up hurting himself. So your nugget of wisdom sent him home to contemplate his situation, hopefully to come back better prepared and having a better time.
Lone Wolf
03-04-2014, 05:33
i quit walkin' 2 years in a row in gorham, n.h. wasn't fun any more. no shame in gettin' off the trail
jdc5294--- Normally I don't read these kind of post because I just don't care what people do but your story caught my eye for some reason. You have a pretty good knack for telling a story. I hope you keep writing.
18 mile days can beat the crap out of anyone new to backpacking-- even if you don't weight 350 pounds and have a big pack.
Too bad his more experienced friends did not consider that when making their plans.
Too bad none spoke up before hitting the trail if they had thought about that.
Too bad they didn't have a more flexible itinerary and consider every one in the group.
As just a general observation - It takes a certain mind set to accept being a tail-end charlie and not everyone welcomes that position.
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As just a general observation - It takes a certain mind set to accept being a tail-end charlie and not everyone welcomes that position.
This is what HYOH is all about. Comparing yourself to other hikers and thinking you're not worthy. Don't do that!!!!
It's why I don't care for discussions of (or adulation of) speed hikers, because, next to them, we're all unworthy.
I always think back to what B. MacKaye said about the trail being a refuge from competition.
Starchild
03-04-2014, 10:28
I remember 2 instances of people quitting the trail (both NoBo). One in VA, his energy level crashed and he could not recover, every day he was dragging himself. He stopped in the same spot as he did on the attempt he made last year. He seemed disappointed but accepting. The second one was a young woman, fresh out of college I believe, if not HS, got as far as VT and ran out of money. Was devastating for her but there was no way for her to continue.
Last spring on my section hike I met a Florida hiker who wanted to quit. He was an army vet, I believe, he was running low on funds, and he wasn't having fun. He was downing beers at noon at the hiker shelter in Glasgow VA, and we chatted for a while about alligator hunting in the Everglades. He didn't seem all that disappointed either; he just wanted to do something else. I wished him well and we went our separate ways.
The trail doesn't quit. It will be there for you when you return.
steve0423
03-04-2014, 11:46
Met a young SOBO in Millinocket who was heading home after quitting in Monson. He had the latest and greatest cuben fiber setup, was in shape and had the money to make it. It just wasn’t what he thought it would be. Told him it certainly wasn’t for everyone and maybe it was best he’d figured that out early in his hike. Felt really bad for the kid cause the whole freaking town was full of NOBOs and their families celebrating.
full conditions
03-04-2014, 12:41
One of the guys I met and befriended on Springer Mountain (there weren't many very many of us- I didn't get started until May 15) quit at Hogpen Gap. He had been missing his girlfriend and it just got too much for him. The tipping point for him was a very stormy day that just soaked us all to the bone and had temps close to the low 40's. We spent the night in the Whitley Gap shelter and I noticed he wasn't talking much and later a skunk walked into the shelter and started plowing through his food bag. And that was it. When we reached the highway the next morning he just looked at me said he was headed home to Ohio, wished me luck and walked off.
I could write a dissertation on quitting the trail. I've quit a thru hike in VA, quit a 140 mile section at 120 miles, quit a 60 mile section of LT at 40 miles ad infinitum.
I think even tough, hardened thru hikers get these negative thoughts now and then. It takes a fine mental game to keep going, I think the key is to keep it fun, to treasure the absurdity and even the very pointless-ness of the whole thing.
FarmerChef
03-04-2014, 13:15
I met a thru in Vermont about 50 miles from NH who said he was figuring he'd get off the trail before the Whites. He'd heard about them and it just seemed like more than he wanted to do. We chatted for a bit and I told him I'd heard the same but also that it was beautiful and worth it. Don't know if he ever made it or not but I figured he'd hiked long enough to know what was right for him. Who was I to disagree?
And to the OP, thanks for writing that down. I really enjoyed reading the story.
4eyedbuzzard
03-04-2014, 14:01
I'm a serial quitter. I eventually stopped hiking every time I started.
I once discovered (after about 500 miles) that the whole thru-hiking thing wasn't for me. There were many fun miles, but there were also many not fun miles. The balance wasn't acceptable to me. Some people are a lot smarter and figure out if they like it or not by Neels Gap.
I'm a fair weather, hike the scenic sections and blue blazes kind of hiker. I want to see stuff - scenic vistas, waterfalls, cool rock formations, rivers, streams, etc. All the photographed parts of the AT, minus the long wet tunnel part. If I need to get to Maine from Georgia, I'd rather fly.
"In my opinion, better to go home and learn from it, and come back another time to try again. I said this in so many words and got mostly negative but not irate feedback from the "keep at it" crowd I talked about."
Those who complete what they set out to do, in this case enjoy a section hike, from a known starting pt to a known destination, observe and find ways to learn and adapt while on the hike. They manage themselves en route. They don't go home. This was someone, despite his size, was over weight(350 lbs?, probably out of shape!), was carrying twice the estimated wt he probably could have, had finished his day with a steep uphill, knew he was near home(could easily reach a nearby road to have a friend pick him up w/ a ph call, - Do you not think the convenient ability of quitting with a nearby soft couch, TV remote, hot shower, easy ride back home, getting all the food he wanted, getting that backpack off his back, the ability of getting somewhere without having to walk(access to a motor vehicle), etc played into him quitting? It's my illusion it sure did.
It's also my opinion that doing all the pre hike preparation one knows to do does not absolutely guarantee hiking success. It may, and I think it mostly does, lead to greater success rates but without being able to adequately adapt and manage yourself and hike(your path) en route a hiker will not meet up with a successful hike(endeavor) particularly as it applies to a long distance hike. You must be willing to direct and embrace your own evolution. You can not go into a hike knowing everything or being prepared for every contingency! Some things will have to be figured out anew en route as they emerge.
The other crowd, based on the way you described their advice of just "keep at it" may not work either. Sometimes, by "keeping at it" we do find within ourselves ways to overcome. Sometimes we do not. Simply, attempting to continue doing the same old thing in the same old limiting way with the same old limiting mindset is the type of thing a fly does as it continually attempts to get outside flying through the window pane or screen. Have you ever noticed where those flies wind up? - dead belly up on the window sill. At least change up the approach! You can begin by changing your mindset! your mental dialogue! your thinking! the vision in your mind! the movie that you direct inside your head! the things you tell yourself! the way in which you define things! YOU define your experience NOT the trail, your gear, the weather, others, etc!
This is what I would have told that quitter. Don't make the decision to quit when you're unhappy. Go get happy however you can BEFORE making that decision to quit. I would have gotten all of us to start cracking jokes laughing our arses off. I would have made it as real as I could for him to let him know all the GOOD he was quitting on! In that happy state - I would have had him reevaluate his decision. AND, I'm not referring to becoming happy AFTER making the decision to quit because having relieved the anguish that sometimes occurs while toiling with thoughts of quitting! In other words, don't make the mistake of simply becoming happy as a result of relieving the anguish.
Don't allow yourself to dwell on(focus on) defeating negative thoughts. Thoughts like the AT sucks, this is no fun, I'm bored, I can't stand this, I hate the humidity/rain/cold, I'm too tired, steep or long ascents suck, etc are going to lead to being miserable if you don't replace them with a different empowering thought life and vision. These types of thoughts EASILY multiply and become fodder/excuses to quit. Cut that crap off! Replace those thoughts with thoughts like this(make these thoughts as real and powerful as you can, feel it): I'm so blessed to be able to do this. So many wanted to be here doing this and for whatever reason(s) aren't. I'm grateful to be here(I promise you if more hikers had an abundance of reasons to be grateful there wouldn't be so may quitting!). This is making me stronger. This is giving me the opportunity to grow. This is giving me an immense opportunity to contribute to others. This is making me healthier. This is leading to a greater awareness. The rain is beautiful(I focus on the sounds and smells and how without it life wouldn't exist!). At the top of this ascent will probably be a great view followed by a nice downhill. It's cooler at the top;the breeze will feel good. These rocks are an opportunity to better my footwork and increase my ankle strength. I have access to some of the cleanest drinking water in the U.S. I'm meeting lots of great people. I'm becoming more clear. I'm gaining new empowering perspectives. I'm doing something that few have done and even fewer understand the beauty of.
I find it extremely informative noticing in what state of emotion/thought(thinking) processes/physicality(the way they hold their bodies) people quit/fail compare to those who regularly meet with success. Personally, I take clues from and emulate those who meet with success. I want to be focusing most of my attention on those that succeed, those that thrive and survive, and those that overcome! What I've found is that I can attract a quitter mentality/habit OR success/overcomer/rise to the changes mentality/habit. I've noticed when one starts entertaining thoughts of quitting that's what they get. Likewise, I've noticed when one starts entertaining empowering success oriented thoughts that's what is realized. I know where I want to direct my focus and conscientiously do so.
Thanks for the contributions all, was hoping to hear some other thoughts on memories of people stopping and reasons for doing so, you haven't disappointed.
Sorry if I came off as viewing people who stopped prematurely as second class, not what I was implying at all. Was just attempting to give a glimpse into my own psyche.
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We always urged friends to at least wait one day with their decision to quit. Often the down mood passes in a few hours.
Having said that, if you are no longer into the trail experience, it is time to quit.
As we say in ultrarunning, "some pain is involved, but suffering is optional"
kayak karl
03-04-2014, 17:44
sounds like marriage ;)
likeahike
03-04-2014, 19:27
My take on the OP - The guy was too big, had the wrong (too much) gear and besides, he was just a section hiker. Oh well. No thru-hiker arrogance in that, right?
Now you, likeahike, are making me ill.
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Sometimes one needs to stop, take note of the problems, figure out how to fix them, and come back better prepared. Or don't come back at all.
In my years in NC I ran into dozens of weekend and would-be thru-hikers who were having the most awful problems. For most of them it would have been idiotic to persist in trying to carry out their planned hike. They needed to go home, rethink, and start over. Everybody had to learn the hard lessons at some point--I know I did. (And I'm still learning.) When you meet someone in the midst of that learning process, all you can do is be kind. Help them if you can.
Replace those thoughts with thoughts like this(make these thoughts as real and powerful as you can, feel it): I'm so blessed to be able to do this. So many wanted to be here doing this and for whatever reason(s) aren't. I'm grateful to be here(I promise you if more hikers had an abundance of reasons to be grateful there wouldn't be so may quitting!). This is making me stronger. This is giving me the opportunity to grow. This is giving me an immense opportunity to contribute to others. This is making me healthier. This is leading to a greater awareness. The rain is beautiful(I focus on the sounds and smells and how without it life wouldn't exist!).
This. Beautiful.
At the top of this ascent will probably be a great view followed by a nice downhill.
But not this. Expecting a view on the AT is setting yourself up for disappointment. More to the point, this had better be one-of-several reasons to keep hiking, but not the main one.
I think you did the right thing. This guy was not ready and was a potential danger to himself and possibly others. It made much more sense to bail when he did, and hopefully come back better prepared.
I am on a search and rescue team in New Mexico and we really would not want to have to haul out a 350 pound person.
Almost There
03-04-2014, 22:49
Went up to Springer with my boys on Sunday and met a lady who had come up the approach. She was having an issue with her hip, carrying a little too much weight, and her mind was not in the right place. Her family (husband, parents, etc.) had built up the adventure for her, but she her heart wasn't in it. She was looking for a ride. I didn't encourage her to take another couple days. Instead, I offered her a ride off the mountain, and listened to her. Hiking thru isn't for everyone, especially if the attitude isn't "I'm going all the way", and instead is "I want to try it out." After telling me she wants to hike with her husband (of one year) who said he might be willing to section, I simply told her there was nothing wrong with sectioning, and she might even enjoy it more. Hope she comes back, and enjoys the trail in her own way.
Meriadoc
03-04-2014, 23:24
i quit walkin' 2 years in a row in gorham, n.h. wasn't fun any more. no shame in gettin' off the trail
Absolutely. Only hike as long as it serves you.
To know if it is indeed serving you, follow Dogwood's excellent advice from the first page. I was going to quote just a snippet but really folks are better off reading that entire post.
The whole hierarchy on the trail where thru hikers are top dogs followed by sections hikers and so forth down the line is inane. Pointless, stupid, and self-deceiving. It also is a key pointer - if I ever find myself thinking that I am a better hiker because I hiked the whole thing and my friend didn't - then I know that I am (1) making my self worth dependent on others and (2) judging others. This is a bad place to be. But it is a good place to grow from!
My friend was set on finishing the AT but didn't because of a combination of personal factors and money. I saw firsthand how devastating this mindset can be. (It hides in the feeling: if I don't finish my thru hike then I am a failure.) She grew out of it but it took a long time - maybe a year after the hike. I grew out of it too, but I took many personal defeats and triumphs to do so. I was fortunate to learn this lesson while I was on the trail.
At the top of this ascent will probably be a great view followed by a nice downhill. It's cooler at the top;the breeze will feel good.
But not this. Expecting a view on the AT is setting yourself up for disappointment. More to the point, this had better be one-of-several reasons to keep hiking, but not the main one.
Hey it's my movie. Stop trying to direct it. I'll choose to enjoy the view no matter what the view is. :D
I wonder, of those who quit, how many come back to the trail, eventually. Or do they just turn their backs and move on?
Lone Wolf
03-05-2014, 10:19
I wonder, of those who quit, how many come back to the trail, eventually. Or do they just turn their backs and move on?i came back. and back and back.....
Another Kevin
03-05-2014, 11:02
A lot of the times I go out I do less than I planned. It doesn't stop me from going out the next time. I think I'd be seriously discouraged if I felt I had to push on to a specific goal. (Beyond the #1 goal of 'get home safely', of course - and that goal could be a long walk away.) Thru-hiking just doesn't appeal to me. It would keep me on trail long after it had ceased to do anything for me. I have few qualms about cutting a trip short and saying that the mountain will still be there next month. s4
I wonder, of those who quit, how many come back to the trail, eventually. Or do they just turn their backs and move on?
I quit a thru-hike but finished by sections. I wonder how many thru-hikers finish and move on? Been there/done that. I have not done any LD hiking in a very long time but I still have the bug. Hope to rectify that in 2-3 years.
4eyedbuzzard
03-05-2014, 11:39
I wonder, of those who quit, how many come back to the trail, eventually. Or do they just turn their backs and move on?
I think those that had enjoyed hiking prior to attempting a thru-hike are probably a lot more likely to return to hiking than those who had no prior interest other than one day deciding to "Thru-hike the Appalachian Trail". I think a lot of those who do it as a one-time adventure do it for many reasons other than hiking.
full conditions
03-06-2014, 12:21
One of the things I've noticed in myself and have talked with other hikers about is how when we're at work or home (especially at work) we spend an enormous amount of time wishing we were hiking and when we finally get out on the trail for a few days we start having negative thoughts and wishing we were back home or, as one friend of mine put it "I wish I was home wishing I was here". I think its helpful to me to try to remember to be present in the moment and not let myself daydream too much and think about what I'm missing at home but instead to think about what I'm actually doing at that moment - sweating my way up some mountain, swatting away bugs, walking in a downpour. Its hard to do but I've found that it improves my attitude tremendously when I do it. The trail, and our experience of the trail, is never what we think it will be and for the people who drop out at Neel's Gap figure that out pretty quickly and decide that the difference between the fantasy and the reality is insurmountable.
Also gotta' agree with everything Dogwood had to say especially the bit about waiting until you're in a good mood to quit the trail. Perhaps also reducing mileage and effort might help - its hard to have fun when you're exhausted all the time. It may mean you have to reduce the size of your goal, but your experience will be vastly improved.