More UL Humour!

[Different Socks]

Was hiking in Glacier NP the last few days and began thinking about this:

There are those of you that go stoveless. Others that do not bother carrying toilet paper. Then there are others that drink as much water as possible first thing in the morning b/c they believe in so doing they don't have to carry the weight of the water in their pack. Then there is possibly someone out there that takes a crap each day before they begin hiking so they don't have to carry the weight of the stuff in their ass. And on and on ad on and on........

So I began wondering, is there anyone out there so weight conscious, that every time they come into town they actually have all their hair cut off....everywhere?

[rocketsocks]

Was hiking in Glacier NP the last few days and began thinking about this:

There are those of you that go stoveless. Others that do not bother carrying toilet paper. Then there are others that drink as much water as possible first thing in the morning b/c they believe in so doing they don't have to carry the weight of the water in their pack. Then there is possibly someone out there that takes a crap each day before they begin hiking so they don't have to carry the weight of the stuff in their ass. And on and on ad on and on........

So I began wondering, is there anyone out there so weight conscious, that every time they come into town they actually have all their hair cut off....everywhere?i was thinkin' do I really need my toothbrush bristles as long as they are, wouldn't half length git er done?

[Rolls Kanardly]

Competition swimmers shave everything that shows to lower the drag, why not hikers?

As far as the hair goes, I was thinking of having my butt shaved bald just before I started my hike. No friction would make putting on wet sweaty shorts a little easier. :rolleyes:

And make sure you cut off most of the handle of the toothbrush and be sure to drill out the center of what is left.

Rolls

[Damn Yankee]

I was thinking of having my butt shaved bald. You'd have to keep up with it as the 5:00 shadow will kill you(not that I'm speaking from experience or anything)Ouch, itch, itch

[1azarus]

my wife has always told me that when it comes to humor I am a light weight...

[Rolls Kanardly]

Does anyone know where I can get some dehydrated water so I can reduce the weight in my pack?
You know, the kind that comes in little packets and you just tear at dotted line, empty into your Nalgene
and add wat.... :-?

Rolls

[Teacher & Snacktime]

Was hiking in Glacier NP the last few days and began thinking about this:

There are those of you that go stoveless. Others that do not bother carrying toilet paper. Then there are others that drink as much water as possible first thing in the morning b/c they believe in so doing they don't have to carry the weight of the water in their pack. Then there is possibly someone out there that takes a crap each day before they begin hiking so they don't have to carry the weight of the stuff in their ass. And on and on ad on and on........

So I began wondering, is there anyone out there so weight conscious, that every time they come into town they actually have all their hair cut off....everywhere?

So what you're saying is that towns like Damascus and Hot Springs could really experience an economic boom if they'd just open up some waxing parlors for the hikers? Hmmm.....entrepreneurial opportunity here maybe.

[magneto]

Been using this for years....

27902

[Teacher & Snacktime]

Been using this for years....

27902

I've heard wonderful things about this stuff. I was recommended to me once to be sure to use the economy-sized, lead-lined gallon can. The extra lining adds a little weight, making the whole thing come in at 8lbs.....but it's worth not having to carry all that water weight!

[Feral Bill]

True story: I had a wrestler in a class last year. He would spit in a jar, rather than swallow saliva, to cut his weight.

[colorado_rob]

True story: I had a wrestler in a class last year. He would spit in a jar, rather than swallow saliva, to cut his weight.Absolutely true, I remember this well in HS wrestling; they also run around in plastic bags to sweat off as much water weight as possible before weigh-in. A lousy ounce can throw a wrestler into the next weight class and ruin his chance at a good showing.

All humor aside, YES it makes total sense to crap in the morning (~2 pounds gone and sure feels better than hiking with a full colon) vs. later, and YES it makes total sense to tank up with water in your cells, where it can get used, vs. on your back, much more comfortable there (in your cells), nicely distributed, vs. dangling off your back.

But keep the "humor" coming! Us UL'ers get a real kick out of what the heavyweights call "UL humor"!

That can of dehydrated water is actually quite humorous, thanks.

[Rolls Kanardly]

Does anyone remember the movie "Fly Away Home" l love that movie. Anyway I was thinking if you bonded with chickens the way the young lady bonded with the geese then your flock would follow you and you could have roast chicken whenever you wanted. And since chickens are really stupid they would not notice the flock getting smaller.
And think of the weight savings. No foil chicken packages to carry.

Rolls

[Elder]

It is also really funny to watch the bears chase the chickens.

[Rolls Kanardly]

It is also really funny to watch the bears chase the chickens.
Wouldn't the bears also like fresh chicken rather that stinky hikers?
Rolls

[atraildreamer]

Does anyone remember the movie "Fly Away Home" l love that movie. Anyway I was thinking if you bonded with chickens the way the young lady bonded with the geese then your flock would follow you and you could have roast chicken whenever you wanted. And since chickens are really stupid they would not notice the flock getting smaller.
And think of the weight savings. No foil chicken packages to carry.

Rolls

...and you can eat the eggs!

[Teacher & Snacktime]

I love that movie....by why chickens? If you went ahead and brought geese, you'd leave no foreign bones (LNT) behind when you ate the geese! I'll call Anna Paquin and see if she can spare some of her brood....or flock....or children.

[Rolls Kanardly]

I love that movie....by why chickens? If you went ahead and brought geese, you'd leave no foreign bones (LNT) behind when you ate the geese! I'll call Anna Paquin and see if she can spare some of her brood....or flock....or children.
A goose all to myself if I was alone for the night. That would be a few zeros.

Rolls

[Old Grouse]

(~2 pounds gone and sure feels better than hiking with a full colon)

What makes you so sure of that two pounds?:confused:

[Dogwood]

A must have item in every ULer's arsenal is a Norelco Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer to be thoroughly employed pre hike to ratchet up those fast and light MPD averages.

BTW, even though as an ULer I've tanked up at water sources to avoid carrying unnecessary water wt I've gone stoveless, have never carried TP, usually take a dump in the morn before starting my hiking day, and pre-long hike trim down(NOT totally remove) my armpit, crotch, facial, and head hair I don't do any of it to save weight. It's for other reasons I do those later things. I'll also regularly usually get a haircut on a long distance hike and trim a goatee, but again for other reasons. I did shave my entire body(other than eye brows) one time because I allowed my tri athlete brother to talk me into it. It was strange but really sucked as it grew in making me itchy.

[Teacher & Snacktime]

(~2 pounds gone and sure feels better than hiking with a full colon)

What makes you so sure of that two pounds?:confused:

Since feces is comprised of at least 80% water.... even less water weight! YEAH.....and yech

[Rolls Kanardly]

A must have item in every ULer's arsenal is a Norelco Nose and Ear Hair Trimmer.

I got the same effect when I was eight by throwing gas on the fire to make it burn faster.

Rolls

[Dogwood]

Be careful, less you may become a hairy beast and be shot mistaken as a Big Foot if you regularly shave off hair because some hair sometimes grows in progressively thicker the more you cut it at some stages in life. Had a 14 yr old friend in High School who started shaving his facial baby hair at the age of 10. By the time he was 14 he had a full Grizzly Adams type beard. He had lots of friends because he looked much older being able to get served when the drinking age was only 18. :)

[Dogwood]

I got the same effect when I was eight by throwing gas on the fire to make it burn faster. Got my rear busted too.

Rolls

Now you know how to remove all that butt hair? :-?

[Old Grouse]

Since feces is comprised of at least 80% water.... even less water weight! YEAH.....and yech

I thoght maybe he'd caught and weighed several examples on his kitchen scale and taken an average. But this isn't Hammock Forums, so I guess I shouldn't expect immersion (sorry) into such technicalities.

[Rolls Kanardly]

Now you know how to remove all that butt hair? :-?

This beats my trail chicken, yuk yuk. Rolls

[kayak karl]

considering ticks, cutting off all hair ain't that stupid.

i always try to stay up beat. no use hiking with a heavy heart ;)

[Teacher & Snacktime]

i always try to stay up beat. no use hiking with a heavy heart ;)


The best recommendation yet!

[rocketsocks]

Does anyone know where I can get some dehydrated water so I can reduce the weight in my pack?
You know, the kind that comes in little packets and you just tear at dotted line, empty into your Nalgene
and add wat.... :-?

RollsI always make my own, that way I can control what goes in it, trying to eat healthier these days, and beside that stuff gets expensive.

[kayak karl]

considering the size of most UL'er heads they have to find unique ways to cut weight :)

[thecyclops]

Well as a runner,I can say the poop before hiking is for real.We refer to it in running circles as the PRP (Pre Run Poop,or Pre Race Poop) and it does work,as far as making you faster anyways.I try not to run before having the PRP and if I dont poop before a race I know its gonna be bad....Even folks at the dog track will look to see which pooches poop before the race as to make the proper bets...true story.

[rocketsocks]

considering ticks, cutting off all hair ain't that stupid.

i always try to stay up beat. no use hiking with a heavy heart ;)


The best recommendation yet!
I like that one as well.

[Rolls Kanardly]

27947
2015 version will have "Drone" capabilities with GPS tracking.

Hee Hee, Rolls