View Full Version : Funniest Trail Stories
Kerosene
09-06-2002, 01:38
My brother and I were day-hiking through Harriman State Park in southern New York on a warm June day. We were motoring along, enjoying the pleasant forest, when we passed a young female section hiker going north. My brother was a minute or two ahead of me (I was just strollin' that day), so he got the low-down on where she was coming from (somewhere in NJ), how long she had been out (about 2 weeks), where was she going (Bear Mountain Bridge), and why the hell was she lugging a big, yellow steel Tonka dump truck in one hand??!?
Turns out she had stopped by a flea market a few days back and found this big honkin' Tonka truck that reminded her of one she used to have when she was a kid. She wanted to give it to her 3-year old nephew and was bound and determined to get it home. The thing looked like it could have weighed 10 pounds. She had tried to lash it to her pack (I would have loved to see that!) but it bounced around too much and threw her off balance. Since she would reach her destination that afternoon, I didn't have the heart to suggest that she stash it in the woods by a road crossing and come back to pick it up on the way home. Talk about dedicated!
Hammock Hanger
09-10-2002, 04:33
I was hiking just north of Damascus back in 97 and totally unaware of the Creeper Trail. I was up early around 6:30/6:45 am. I walked out into the woods to do my morning business. I heard a noise behind me, I thought it was a deer. I slowly waddled around, it was an elderly lady out picking wildflowers. She looked over and said not to worry that she hadn't seen anything. I smiled and figured she would walk away. SHe came closer and began having quite a conversation with me. All the while I was down on my HUNCHES!! Finally I figured I HAD to take care of business. I wiped, pulled up my drawers... as she continued to talk. WEIRD! HH
"It is good to have an end to journey towards, however, in the end it is the journey that matters." -- UK Leguin
Hikehead
09-11-2002, 07:53
Have you ever bought some new gear and just couldn't wait to try it out? Well I bought a Precip rain jacket back in the spring just in time for the drought. And then the other day I bought a Marmot light-weight summer sleeping bag. It was raining all day and thnderstorms were expected later on. So after work I grabbed my pack with all my gear plus my new toys, stopped by the store and bought some frozen veggies and headed for the mtns. I have a Clark Jungle Hammock so I set that up and proceeded to cook supper. It was dark by now and I guess I should have been paying more attention. But while holding my hot veggies with both hands, I squatted to sit down and proceeded to flip right over the other side of the hammock landing on my back with both legs straight up in the air, plus my supper was now on my chest and face.
SGT Rock
09-11-2002, 12:15
I thought the Clark was advertised as a true "No Tip" Hammock?
Hammock Hanger
09-11-2002, 13:51
You silly boy... :D -- But like the good hiker I know you to be, I'll bet you picked up all that "dirty - spilled" food and ate it. -- Can't wait till our hike:p HH
Hikehead
09-11-2002, 20:51
To Sgt Rock-Once you get in, I see absolutely no way that you could tip over in this.
I learned a few leasons on this day.
1) Before squatting down, especially at night, be sure you know where you're squatting. I was out near the end where it's the narrowest. I should have been in the middle of course.
2) It's best to have one hand free while sitting down. After i got everthing off of me, got my feet free of the fly, I went back and tried it again with what I had left over. This time I laid the bowl down on the ground before I sat down, I knew I was in the middle of the hammock and it worked out fine.
To HH-Do you know that I tried to pick up every carrot, green bean and pieces of corn that I could find and I carried it out in a empty water bottle. You thought I just left it there didn't ya..I do try to pratice LNT as best I can, I promise I did.:p
Hammock Hanger
09-11-2002, 21:13
I know you practice LNT. I also know you are a hungry coot, so I really did figure you ate it all... (LOL) HH
Hikehead
09-11-2002, 21:56
HH
A hungry coot....I never heard that before, I'm still laughing.
If I was out there with you I probably would had, you know how to make someone hungry when you pull out that bag of spices and start mixing things up in your little kettle like your that guy on TV from New Orleans. All the time I'm trying to gag down some hiker stuff that I added semi hot water too. You're the best!!
Hikerhead
10-29-2002, 20:37
.....with as many miles on the trail that have, you must have a zillion good stories.
Do us a favor and brighten this place up a little and tell us one.
Thanks!!!!!:) :) :) :) :) :D :D :) :) :eek:
there was a rather infamous hiker in 2000 who had a unique story about how he came to be on the trail. it seems he was walking alongside a back road of nothern GA when a cop stopped him and asked, "son, why are you walking"? "because i like to walk", he replied. the cop asked him to get in the car and they drove for awhile, eventually arriving at amacalola state park. the cop told him, "son, since you like to walk, follow those little white marks on the trees and they'll take you all the way to maine". he did and the last time i saw him was in ny (hope he made it to maine). if you knew the guy, you'd have no trouble in believing his story.
Hikerhead
10-29-2002, 21:12
Good story, I bet his name was Rambo.
Hikerhead
10-29-2002, 21:31
Here's one I overheard at the Gathering.
This guy had his mom sending him his food drops and money and stuff.
He arrived in Damascus with no food or money so he made a beeline to the PO.
Well, nothing was there so he called mom and no one answered.
This went on for about 4 or 5 days. Don't ask me why he didn't call someone else. Anyway finally his mom answere the phone and he lit into her for about 5 minutes about him being without food and money and how he was dependeing on her to do his maildrops and so forth. He said he was really mad and screaming and the whole time a line of people were standing behind him waiting to use the phone.
Then someone patted him on the shoulder and whispered...dude..it's Mother's Day.
He thought for a second on what an a**hole he must have sounded like...then he said "Oh mom, I apologize.... hey, Happy Mothers Day!!! and hung up.
nope, not rambo, although he was a real charactor in his own right. i was referring to "screamer". which brings me to another funny "screamer" story.
one day, a gang and i were sitting in front of a little store (in ny i believe) when a very excited "screamer" comes walking up the road. he said, "man i saw stevie ray vaughan in town. he was driving a cadillac and he smiled at me". i guess we were all too stunned to inform him that stevie ray was dead and why rain on his parade anyway.
lest anyone think i'm picking on "screamer", i happen to think he was one of the coolest hikers i met in 2000 and he was a purest in every sense of the word, though probably not by choice. when i first met him, he was in ratty sneakers and he was carrying a bucket for a pack. he had no money and lived by dumpster diving in towns and recycling cans and bottles along the trail and roads. his aim was to get to maine and them head for iowa to pick corn.
sometimes i think it was just an act.
Hikerhead
10-29-2002, 22:12
He sounds like a real character, he should had stopped at Rainbow Springs and worked for Jensine for awhile, to help offset his hiking exspenses.
Chief, this sounds a lot like Ward "Chip" Leonard; sometimes called Screamer. I've always wanted to meet him ( I think) but never have.
i never knew screamer's real name, so he could be the same guy. i have a picture or 2 of him. a very memorable guy!
just posted a photo of screamer in:
galleries - faces - thru-hikers
Uncle Wayne
11-06-2002, 09:41
Our last night of our October section hike in the Smokies was spent at Mollies Ridge Shelter. There were 9 of us spending the night and we, my wife and I, were the last ones to arrive. All the bottom places were taken so we had to sleep on the top level. This shelter had no ladder or any way to climb up to the top except by stepping up on the bottom level (which was about 3 feet high) and then do the best you could to crawl / pull your self on up. Standing on the ground I could not see over the edge of the top level, (I'm 5'10") so for my 5' 4" wife it was a challenge for her to climb up. As we all went to bed that night a couple of the guys on the bottom level chuckled at our lack of prowness as we climbed to the top. I had to actually push my wife up. After I climbed up, one of the guys was still laughing at our problem especially after my wife asked out loud, "how in the world am I going to get down tonight to go pee? You know I'll have to go." He was trying his best not to belly laugh and as he quieted down I replied to my wife, "don't worry about it, just hang over the side and let 'er go, that's what I'm going to do." (Of course I was just kidding.) His laughing abruptly stopped and the silence that immediately spread throughout the shelter was just as funny to us. In a few minutes his wife came in the shelter, ready to bed down and he said," honey, get the ponchos." She asked, "Why do we need our ponchos?" He replied," They're gonna piss all over us tonight!" This may be one of those times when you had to be there to get the full impact but it was something that I still laugh about until I get tears in my eyes when I think of it. Luckily, we held our fluids until morning and our friends below stayed dry.
Hammock Hanger
11-06-2002, 12:55
:D
HH
Hikerhead
11-06-2002, 14:20
:D :D :D Great story UW.
gravityman
11-13-2002, 18:18
I'm sure everyone has noticed this. At a certain temperature your nose just turns on like a faucet, and nothing will stop it from dripping. Nice fleece gloves are the best in this weather, as they are better than any kleenex. Anyway...
This was one of those days. We had just left NOC/Wesser the day before. In a vain attempt to lighten our packs we decided to cut down on one of the most important things to a thru-hiker : Snicker bars. What were we thinking? Anyway, Tuffie and I were talking a break after one of the thousands of killer climbs, and we were sharing one of our oh so precious snicker bars. I noticed that her faucet was running full force, and as will most thru-hikers, she was completely ignoring it. How offensive! What would I do if she dripped right on the snickers bar we were splitting? So, I thought it would be a good idea to warn her.
"Tuffie, don't you dare get any of your snot on the snickers! I won't eat it if you do..."
Tuffie looks at me, looks at the snickers, looks at me, looks at the snickers, looks at me, right in the eye, lifts the snickers up to her nose, and keeping eye contact the whole time... wipes all her snot right on it!
"That sounded like a challenge!" she replied. "Now I get the rest, right?"
Oh, I was mad! Very very mad! I had to eat my share of course, but I didn't talk to her for at least an hour (of course that might have been because I was huffing up the next mountain and couldn't waste a precious drop of air for scolding...
Anyway, be careful of what you say to a thruhiker your sharing a snickers with...
Gravity Man
hikerat2002
11-16-2002, 19:37
Originally posted by Lugnut
Chief, this sounds a lot like Ward "Chip" Leonard; sometimes called Screamer. I've always wanted to meet him ( I think) but never have.
I don't think you want to meet him. I spent a very cold night in January with him in GA a few years ago. He is worse than camping alone in terms of comraderie. Ward has mental problems, maybe schizophrenia, and has been biding his time by hiking on the AT for at least 13 years now. Take my advice, if you meet him, best to avoid camping with him.
Hikerhead
01-16-2003, 22:52
I'm just pulling this out of the basement.
I know everyone has a good story to tell.......
Team GAK
01-17-2003, 14:29
We were coming to a road crossing around Bland VA when we got passed by 2 other hikers. On their way by they asked which way on the road was the town. We didn't have a Mail drop there so we didn't know or care. Any way we decided to have some fun so we sped up a little bit. They sensed it and they sped up also. I could hardly keep a straight face.
Waterbuffalo
02-03-2003, 19:20
These are really funny
Hey Y'all, laughing is better'n fighting:-?
I needed to poop one early morning walking downhill on the trail, so walked off the trail a couple hundred feet and was taking a leisurely squat.
Well, turns out that just ahead, the trail did a curvy switch-back thing as it descended, and all I did when walking 'off' the trail was cut off the switchback and I was in fact, pooping about 5 feet off the trail. I find this out when up the trail comes a teen youth group of some kind with matching t-shirts and cute little day packs.
I was 19 at the time I thru hiked, and these kids were probably only a couple years younger. I couldn't exactly pinch it off at the point I was, so I just sort of leaned back to get a little behind a bush and put my cap over my lowers and waited it out. They all said 'hi' as they passed like it was no thing. Never before have I felt no alienated from my peers. :(
UnkaJesse
03-21-2009, 15:44
On my first ever section hike, I was heading north out of Bly Gap suffering through the endless switchbacks and the urgent need to make some space in my digestive tract. My plan was simple.....put some distance between me and my buddies and do my bidness. Eventually, I figured I had gained enough time ahead of the, but the top of the mountain was too far. I had to go right then. I found a sturdy tree and dropped a few feet below the trail and swung out holding onto the tree, praying that no one was coming south. As it turned out, the rest of my party, although some distance behind me, was only a few swtichbacks below me.
Well, I dropped the kids off and I suppose leaves or whatever stuck to them and they rolled down the mountain quite impressively. I know this because my buddies yelled as they crossed the trail fairly close to them. It apparently spooked them pretty badly. I was sure I was busted, so I finished up and got back to switchbacking.
I waited for them at the next summit, sure they were going to be out of thier minds mad at me. They rolled up telling me the wildest story about hedgehogs or something running across the trail right in front of them and wanted to know if I had seen them, too.
I peed a little I laughed so hard.
On my first ever section hike, I was heading north out of Bly Gap suffering through the endless switchbacks and the urgent need to make some space in my digestive tract. My plan was simple.....put some distance between me and my buddies and do my bidness. Eventually, I figured I had gained enough time ahead of the, but the top of the mountain was too far. I had to go right then. I found a sturdy tree and dropped a few feet below the trail and swung out holding onto the tree, praying that no one was coming south. As it turned out, the rest of my party, although some distance behind me, was only a few swtichbacks below me.
Well, I dropped the kids off and I suppose leaves or whatever stuck to them and they rolled down the mountain quite impressively. I know this because my buddies yelled as they crossed the trail fairly close to them. It apparently spooked them pretty badly. I was sure I was busted, so I finished up and got back to switchbacking.
I waited for them at the next summit, sure they were going to be out of thier minds mad at me. They rolled up telling me the wildest story about hedgehogs or something running across the trail right in front of them and wanted to know if I had seen them, too.
I peed a little I laughed so hard.
Now that's funny:D
Ox97GaMe
03-23-2009, 15:36
Story #1:
On my thru hike, I was in a shelter one night (maybe in NC) sleeping beside a lady who had openly proclaimed to be afraid of mice. In the middle of the night, I get awakened by this abrupt punch on the shoulder. The conversation goes something like this.
Her: Ox, You awake?
Me: I Am now
Her: I hear mice
Me: Of course, we are in a shelter. They are always running around after dark.
Her: I think one is in my food bag.
Me: You are just imagining things. Ignore them and go back to sleep.
Her: I swear, I hear it chewing the bag.
So, she grabs her headlamp and shines it up to the food bag hanging directly above her head. Sure enough, there are pair of eyes looking down from the bag at us. She starts to freak out. 'Get them off', she says. I ask how am I supposed to do that? She then bends so that her feet are above her head and gives the bag a swift pooch kick straight up. Both mice fall the bag. At least one (and maybe both) land beside her head and runs into her sleeping bag.
She now begins screaming, jumps to her feet (still in the sleeping bag) and starts hopping and dancing around. Headlamp throwing light all over the shelter. The other hikers are now awakened to this screaming, dancing woman, and me trying to stay out of her way, laughing so hard I cant tell the others what is going on. It was quite a scene. After a couple of minutes, she managed to calm down somewhat and work her way out of the sleeping bag so we could shake out the bag. After that, I made sure I was on the opposite side of a shelter if she was there.
Im wondering what kind of story the mice are telling their friends.
Ox97GaMe
03-23-2009, 15:44
Story #2:
Im at a shelter in PA. There are several male thru hikers and one female thru hiker. Not too far from the fire ring is a dead tree that woodpeckers had been having a field day with. There were holes bored in it all up and down and around the trunk. A couple of the hikers decide they are going to have a contest to see could pee into the higher hole. I dont remember what the wager was, but it was hiker food of some sort (probably a snickers bar). Well...... This female hiker wants a piece of that action. We all start laughing and saying 'there aint no way a female can pee higher than a guy'. She goes over to the tree, grabs around it with both arms and starts to shinny up the trunk. At about 8 ft, she stops, lines up with one of the holes, slides her short's leg out of the way and proceeds to pee in the hole. When done, she slides back down the tree and says.... Now lets see you beat that.
Ox97GaMe
03-23-2009, 15:53
Story #3:
We are at a shelter in Maine. As each person got ready to jump into their sleeping bag, they lined the boots up in the front of the sleeping platform. The next morning, we wake up to find that we had had a visitor during the night. As we looked at the nice row of boots across the front of the platform, you could see the one boot on the end had been chewed on. Almost all the leather part of the boot was gone, leaving just the rubber sole. It was pretty funny for all of us who still had a full pair of boots. We all pitched in and managed to duct tape the sole of that boot to his foot so that he could hike out to the nearest road and catch a ride into town.
I dont know which was funnier; seeing the partially eaten boot, or watching that poor guy hike down the trail sporting the 3M Brand boot.
Note: When in Porky territory, hang your boots.
UnkaJesse
03-23-2009, 16:03
Story #2:
Im at a shelter in PA. There are several male thru hikers and one female thru hiker. Not too far from the fire ring is a dead tree that woodpeckers had been having a field day with. There were holes bored in it all up and down and around the trunk. A couple of the hikers decide they are going to have a contest to see could pee into the higher hole. I dont remember what the wager was, but it was hiker food of some sort (probably a snickers bar). Well...... This female hiker wants a piece of that action. We all start laughing and saying 'there aint no way a female can pee higher than a guy'. She goes over to the tree, grabs around it with both arms and starts to shinny up the trunk. At about 8 ft, she stops, lines up with one of the holes, slides her short's leg out of the way and proceeds to pee in the hole. When done, she slides back down the tree and says.... Now lets see you beat that.
Now, I wonder where she learned that.........
http://www.sxc.hu/pic/m/w/we/weirdvis/1137692_pole_dancer_2.jpg
Many Walks
03-23-2009, 17:01
We were hiking a little loop trail in Iowa and could see a couple of middle aged women hiking ahead of us at a slower pace. We were catching up to them and all of a sudden they stopped still looking ahead, never looked behind them, and one stepped off the trail, pulled down her shorts, squatted and started to pee. She had a good stream going and we were already too close to just stop, so we called out to alert them we were there. She couldn't stop and was so embarrassed she just walked off through the brush trying to hide her face, while peeing all over herself. Would have been fine with us if she just stayed and continued, no big deal. It's like crossing traffic, it's good to look both ways before starting to go.