View Full Version : Dating before the hike
cthomasy
11-05-2014, 10:25
I know this question might sound really immature or silly but I think I should ask it any way to see what you guys think! The question I'm asking is whether or not I should ask a girl out? Now I do realize that there is a possibility of her saying no but if she says yes and we start dating I would have to leave her for 5 months on my hike in the spring. I don't think that would be fair for her to leave her for that long. I'm just not sure what I should do. Let me know if you have had has a similar situation and tell me what happened! Thanks!
Go for it! I've been dating my lady for 6 months and we already bought our plane tickets to do the CDT together next year.
Seize the day, you never know what'll happen. If it works out well, the thru hike should be no problem in the long term. No need to worry too much at this point.
Damn Yankee
11-05-2014, 10:53
take her with you
Seize the moment! Life is too short to worry about this. If it's not meant to be it's not meant to be. And, then again, you may gain a hiking partner (or at least someone to meet you on zero days). Just makes sure she understands the fullness of your hiking insanity (err, I mean your AT plans).
illabelle
11-05-2014, 11:24
You're only 17. Ask her out. Learn about her interests, share your interests (and hiking plans). But no need to make long-term commitments at this stage. You'll learn a lot about yourself on a thru-hike and may come back as a different person than you are today. Don't expect a commitment from her either. When you're done hiking, come back and see if you still even like each other. Then take it from there...
Starchild
11-05-2014, 11:32
I had this come up and the question was, since she was not going to hike with me, would it somehow diminish the AT Thru experience? On the trail I wanted to be free and not be in a commitment as I did feel this is a new direction for my life and wanted to be open. I expressed that to her and she understood but the dating part was soon to be over as she needed such a commitment to be in a dating relationship. I believe if I gave her that commitment she would have waited, visited and sent lots of care packages. In the end it did work out, I did have the experience of being free on the AT, and we both are really good friends (and she did visit and also send care packages).
Later on she was about to get involved in a dating relationship, but she wanted to do 3 months on the AT. She told him that she does not want to start the relationship now as she does not want it to interfere with her hike if he was willing to wait till get got back then they could start dating and see where that goes. And that seemed to work for them as they are still together. It was not that she wanted to be free on the AT to meet and be available to be with another on the trail, it was she didn't want a connection to someone that she could not see for the 3 months, nor didn't want him visiting her on the trail interfering with her hike. Her line to me was he said he can hike, but people think they can hike when they really can't and I am not going to risk my hike on someone I just met.
I came up with all sorts of reasons not to ask a girl out when I was 17. Each was better than the next.
In my case the real reason was that I was scared ****less.
Gambit McCrae
11-05-2014, 12:53
mET A YOYO'r in VA last month, Finn *spelling*
He met Nector *spelling* at an AT visitor/ Welcome Center and they are madly in love now lol
Hell what do you have to lose. I was 20 asked a girl to go out went on one date left for 3 months came back for 4 days proposed left for 8 months, 31 years later we are hiking the A.T.. With all the ways to communicate you will never be out of touch...GO FOR IT
swisscross
11-05-2014, 13:03
Ahh to be 17 again.
Dating, date or dinner.
Most people date many times before finding the person they want to spend the rest of their life with.
If you don't start dating now, you will never know what you need in a person to fulfill yourself.
Ask her out.
Ah to be 17 again and find hiking so early. Go for it my young friend!
Asking a girl out for a DATE = a long term commitment? No...... Ask her out, get to know each other (as stated above)
Ask her. If you don't you'll be asking yourself "what if?" while walking for 5 months.
Remember kid, don't put the p***y on a pedestal! Truer words can not be truer!
Sailing_Faith
11-05-2014, 15:30
You're only 17. Ask her out. Learn about her interests, share your interests (and hiking plans). But no need to make long-term commitments at this stage. You'll learn a lot about yourself on a thru-hike and may come back as a different person than you are today. Don't expect a commitment from her either. When you're done hiking, come back and see if you still even like each other. Then take it from there...
yes, good advice.
it may not seem like it now... But this life is short and will pass you by. You are 17, but I don't speak this to talk down to you... I wish I had heeded such advice and learned this lesson much younger then I have.
best of luck to you! Enjoy!
Go listen to zac brown's "as she's walking away." It says it all.
Feral Bill
11-05-2014, 16:10
At worst, you get your heart broken. If so It probably won't be the last time. It will all work out in time.
Here is something else to think about. You have a 75% chance of not being on the trail for 5 month.
Sailing_Faith
11-05-2014, 18:08
Go listen to zac brown's "as she's walking away." It says it all.
cool song, good advice.... Here is a link (http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=3tthIHXUsPs) since I had to go look it up.
Lone Wolf
11-05-2014, 18:58
I know this question might sound really immature or silly but I think I should ask it any way to see what you guys think! The question I'm asking is whether or not I should ask a girl out? Now I do realize that there is a possibility of her saying no but if she says yes and we start dating I would have to leave her for 5 months on my hike in the spring. I don't think that would be fair for her to leave her for that long. I'm just not sure what I should do. Let me know if you have had has a similar situation and tell me what happened! Thanks!
you're 17. don't get involved in a relationship if you're leaving in the spring. your mind won't be on the trail.
Given some of the tension I saw with some hikers who had a girlfriend at home who wasn't supportive of the hike and how a few gave in and got off in-order to still have said girlfriend, I'd say no thanks. But that's me. When I start planning a hike, I become driven by it so I don't want any unnecessary distractions that may end up interfering with what I want to do. But other people aren't me as some of the other posts here have the opposite opinion.
In a relationship, it's often ends up becoming about US and WE rather then ME and I. And there is nothing wrong with that. But that person's opinion starts to have an impact on what you do. If things work out and you are finding yourself with strong feelings for her and she didn't want you to hike, what would you do? What is more important to you for the upcoming year? A girlfriend or hiking? The answer to that question is your answer.
PD230SOI
11-05-2014, 19:20
Ask her out. There might be many girls in your life or just this one - ASK!
come on what did she say..... :-)
BuckeyeBill
11-05-2014, 23:54
Given some of the tension I saw with some hikers who had a girlfriend at home who wasn't supportive of the hike and how a few gave in and got off in-order to still have said girlfriend, I'd say no thanks. But that's me. When I start planning a hike, I become driven by it so I don't want any unnecessary distractions that may end up interfering with what I want to do. But other people aren't me as some of the other posts here have the opposite opinion.
In a relationship, it's often ends up becoming about US and WE rather then ME and I. And there is nothing wrong with that. But that person's opinion starts to have an impact on what you do. If things work out and you are finding yourself with strong feelings for her and she didn't want you to hike, what would you do? What is more important to you for the upcoming year? A girlfriend or hiking? The answer to that question is your answer.
+1 Some very good advice. Like Zach Davis said in his book Appalachian Trials " The hike must be the most important thing in your life at the moment." If it is not you are likely to fail in your thru hike attempt. If you are or get into a relationship it must be strong to survive a long distance hike.
Ground Control
11-06-2014, 09:55
^ can't believe the ppl who said no. He's a teenager thinking about one date, not a huge commitment!
Definitely yes, ask her out. It'll give you something to think about while on the trail, instead of something you'll regret not doing.
Plus, absence makes the heart grow fonder; if things go well, this works nicely in your favor
dangerdave
11-06-2014, 11:33
No, no, no. Absence absolutely does not make the heart grow fonder. If you need one more reason to give your thru-hike a better chance to fail, then ask her out, get to really liking each other's company, then leave her, and wait for the ultimatum to come somewhere in Virginia. Most young women are all about themselves. Unless she possesses a maturity far beyond her youthful norm, you will regret having baggage to drag along the Trail.
I'm a married man, and I really enjoy my wife's company. She is an amazing woman, and I we will struggle being apart for that length of time. She knows why I must do this, and supports me 100%, but would it be easier being single and unattached? Absolutely! Would I change that if I could? No way!
Which regret would you refer to live with? Regret not asking her out, or regret losing her somewhere down the trail. It could certainly work out fine, either way. But at your age, the odds of living happily ever after are slim to none.
Given that, if I were you...I'd ask her out. But I'm a sap for love, even in it's simplest forms. :) Good luck, young man!
The choices we make...the choices we fail to make...risk...security...fleeting mortality...regrets?
Fill in the blanks and be a man. Don't let anyone else tell you what to do.
I know this question might sound really immature or silly but I think I should ask it any way to see what you guys think! The question I'm asking is whether or not I should ask a girl out? Now I do realize that there is a possibility of her saying no but if she says yes and we start dating I would have to leave her for 5 months on my hike in the spring. I don't think that would be fair for her to leave her for that long. I'm just not sure what I should do. Let me know if you have had has a similar situation and tell me what happened! Thanks!
Easiest question i will answer all day! If she is still there, you have your answer. If she is standing at the top of Khatadhn when you arrive, you REALLY have your answer :) Good luck and above all, don't let the worry over this detract from your hike, however long it turns out to be.
squeezebox
11-06-2014, 13:38
You only live once, seize the moment, burn the candle at both ends whenever possible. Live well!!
This is the advice I gave my daughter. If you're in a relationship at 17 that is stopping you from setting and obtaining goals, the relationship may not be in your best interest. I know many will not agree and my answer would be different if at the time she had been older, but at 17? You have plenty of time in front of you for life to tie you down. Does not mean you should not ask her out, only that you have to evaluate whether you both are mature enough to handle it. A relationship should expand your life. There is a time and place for everything.