View Full Version : The Next Step in Delivery Packaging: Old Guy Camo!
sir limpsalot
02-07-2015, 09:18
Anyone not married- skip this.
Anyone without kids- probably not relevant
Anyone under 30- you've not been properly broken yet.
...But for the rest of us old married guys with the hiking habit, disposable income and spouses who have passed the "shy and demure" stage; I send out a plea to the outdoor retailers on our behalf.
A little help with the box graphics please!
Let me 'splain. The kids are older and we now can move into our properly spouse vetted and sanctioned activity with more money and time to spend. All our undesirable (single,jet-setting,or otherwise fun) friends have been long culled and a little research has assured her there is no strip clubs or gambling joints out on the trail. The pack,boots,tent and some clothes show up in your gear closet and all is fine. More boxes marked with outdoor retailers keep showing up...this is detected on the radar, but no threat warnings sound. Then, one day it happens. Maybe she reads a gear invoice. Maybe she stop in REI thinking to pick out a little something for you for Christmas and sees the price tags. BOOM! Defcon 4.
Eventually a truce is arranged: you get to keep what you have,but NO MORE! You assure her you have all you need, you're good.
Now the games afoot. Timing packages to arrive when she's not home, deliveries to work. The rules are simple: if it makes it into the gear closet and the packaging can be disposed of without her seeing....winner (I've always had this,just haven't worn it til now).
The occasional miss can be covered choosing gift invoice (no pricing shown) with message "Rewards Points Purchase".
But she's not stupid. And occasionally the dumb idea occurs to you that you're a grown man and can do what you want (read: visiting gear websites when drinking). We need better resources.
So retailers, you want to sell us more shiny new gear. Suck up your pride and offer "old guy camo packaging". We need the box that shows up when we're not home to read "Lawn & Leaf bags.com" or "stuff to fix upstairs toilet", how about "new t-shirts and underwear" or "picture book on how to repair home appliances for free". What do you say Retailers, can you help us out?
Old Grouse
02-07-2015, 09:25
My name is Old Grouse, and I'm a gear sneak.
LoneStranger
02-07-2015, 10:59
I suppose you could play hike and seek, but I've gone another direction you may want to consider. Mrs Stranger is always happy when I spend a little money on gear because she believes that being better equipped means I'm more likely to survive. Spend some time talking about how you hate to spend any money and you just hope you don't die out there alone because you were being so gosh darn thrifty and your partner may start begging you to get yourself some new gear.
Well, assuming they actually want you to survive :)
Welp, I'm never getting married now.
Speakeasy TN
02-07-2015, 11:41
My wife pays for a bit of my gear! She knows how many days until I leave on my Thru. Oh crap, this can't be good!
My youngest son and I have found a common interest in backpacking so my magic words are "if I don't lighten my load I'll never be able to keep up". At least that was the story I told when the new, smaller, tent showed up. ;)
NY HIKER 50
02-07-2015, 14:28
I'm in a different situation. I have too much so I have to do this. If I do buy anything it either has to replace something I already have or be something truly awesome. After all, how much can you carry on your back? Also, my house is small. And to answer the question the only time the wife objects is when I return from a trip. Then the house looks like a gear store after a hurricane with tent hanging, clothing drying, and various other items hanging around.
You need a long-term strategy. Here is one.
Subscribe to Passage Maker magazine and make plans to attend a Trawler Fest "just for fun" - since you are in MD there should be one coming up.
Let a full year pass, then sit down with your wife to "crunch the numbers" on a new Krogan vs. a nice used Nordhavn boat.
If she challenges your sanity, tell her that while a global circumnavigation under power may be just out of reach given your only boating experience was when you got rowing merit badge, "The Great Loop" really is no more of a stretch for a newbie yachtsman than a thru of the AT is for a newbie hiker.
When she goes into full panic mode (but before she threatens to leave you) back down and let her know that out of your deep love and respect for her, you could probably let your blue water dreams go-- since backpacking would fill some of the void. Before she regains her balance, it should not be to hard to get a "blank check" for all future gear purchases.
There could be any number of variations to this strategy, of course. A new found interest in Shelby Mustangs comes to mind.
Rick Hancock
02-07-2015, 15:53
Gosh, I must have it made. I told my wife I needed a different pack for each month of the year and she never questioned me. I've toned it down to 3 now. Most of the time I just buy what I want and there's seldom a raised eyebrow. But every now and then I admit I'll get something on the sly and let it gather some dust. "This? Oh I've had it for over a year, look at the dust." Still trying to pull the dust trick on a Harley. Not sure yet if I'll be able to pull that one off.
Old Hiker
02-07-2015, 21:10
I put mine on the Visa. I pay the Visa. Occasionally, a box arrives and she asks what it is. "Camping gear" is the generic answer, so all's good. Everything major has already been bought. Nothing else to buy.
In the old days.......................don't even go there. Tight budget, 2 growing boys, house payment, etc. Debts must be paid first. Then fun time. Walking the sidewalks and streets to pick up pecans. Aluminum cans. Coupons. Rebates. No long distance (Yes, that long ago when there was only ONE phone company.)
Still, I don't remember being too unhappy. I guess we were satisfied with what we had.
Lone Wolf
02-07-2015, 21:13
sounds like you're married to the wrong lady. a grown man can buy what he dam well pleases
Not married but have always gravitated to the hiker/outdoor ladies. This has never been a problem as she always wants the same upgrade as me :) Nothing like sitting at home and the postman bringing two new cuben packs, mine and hers. Always makes for a pleasant, candlelit type of evening (no clothes, just packs) :D
sounds like you're married to the wrong lady. a grown man can buy what he dam well pleases
LOL, geez.
Your wife doesn't know you post on Whiteblaze does she?
Lone Wolf
02-07-2015, 21:31
LOL, geez.
Your wife doesn't know you post on Whiteblaze does she?
of course she does.
sir limpsalot
02-07-2015, 22:14
sounds like you're married to the wrong lady. a grown man can buy what he dam well pleases
Were that the case you'd be 'leader of the pack', not 'lone wolf'.
On the off case that was not a typo, you're right you do what the dam well pleases.
sir limpsalot
02-07-2015, 22:49
On the off case that was not a typo, you're right you do what the dam well pleases.[/QUOTE]
"off chance" that is.
damn beer.
On the off case that was not a typo, you're right you do what the dam well pleases.
"off chance" that is.
damn beer.[/QUOTE]
Red Eyes or the Jetty?
You **** w Lone Wolf, ME NEXT....
gollwoods
02-08-2015, 05:19
Plan A .. Jewelry...
illabelle
02-08-2015, 07:24
You guys are funny. :)
I'm outdoorsy, so our gear room doesn't have any secrets ... I think.
On the other hand, I'm a tightwad, and even I sometimes roll my eyes skeptically.
Don't you already have three rain jackets?
The orange one is too heavy, and the blue one leaks, and the red one is too small.
However, it occurs to me there's another simple solution that hasn't been mentioned, one that we use for a different reason: the post office in our rural area has rotten hours and is 5 miles in the wrong direction. So anything that won't fit in the mailbox, whether backpacking gear or something else, gets shipped to my husband's shop. It's in town, attended during business hours, convenient, and has regular FedEx/UPS/other visits anyway. Seems like most of you guys could come up with a friend/employer or someone to ship to. Delivery, packaging, and all the other telltale signs of new gear arrival won't be in view of your wives.
Or you could just come up with a better story:
1. I have a deal with oldguygear.com to try out their stuff for free and write up a review.
2. Oh, this new tent? I gave my old favorite to a father & his little boy I met on the trail. Their tent had been ripped up by a pack of wolves - yes wolves - while they were getting water from the creek. Poor things, they were wet and cold, and still had a ways to go...
3. It's not for me, honey. My friend, asked if he could ship it here so his wife wouldn't see it.
Starchild
02-08-2015, 07:34
Live near the trail? get it sent to a outfitter or hostel with the wording 'Hold for AT Hiker (your name)' Pick it up at your convenience, but park around the block and hike in. Preferably in a state with a lower sales tax.
You **** w Lone Wolf, ME NEXT....
You old guys need to calm down, I don't want anyone to break a hip.
@Starchild, That sounds like a plan formed out of necessity.
FlyFishNut
02-08-2015, 09:49
Welp, I'm never getting married now.
Don't.... do .... it....
FlyFishNut
02-08-2015, 09:49
sounds like you're married to the wrong lady. a grown man can buy what he dam well pleases
(he typed, hiding under his blankie so she wouldn't know he was on WhiteBlaze)
glitterandglue
02-08-2015, 10:30
I've got the opposite problem. Female, young and married. My husband ain't the outdoorsy type. I tell him "I need a new mat" or "if I just spend these hundreds of dollars on this tent, I'll be all set!" But I also deal with the finances. He doesn't know where our money is supposed to go. And my desire to not get debt collector calls outweighs my desire for new gear. Reality sets in. His encouragement is too tempting. I think if we got evicted, maybe he wouldn't be so supportive on buying new gear. Sigh, adult responsibilities.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
MagnumCJ
02-08-2015, 11:00
If you got evicted you'd have all that nice new camping gear to live in. Call it survival equipment instead.
sir limpsalot
02-08-2015, 16:55
"off chance" that is.
damn beer.
Red Eyes or the Jetty?[/QUOTE]
Red Eye's closed 4 winter. Jetty's only option of you use your pinky finger to help hold your drink.
You old guys need to calm down, I don't want anyone to break a hip.
@Starchild, That sounds like a plan formed out of necessity.
LOL, I still feel like a young'in compared to my 70-80ish hikin brothers and sisters. Don't judge a book by the cover, I've been out worked/hiked by my elders more than once...:)
honogica
02-12-2015, 01:27
Have it shipped to a friend then have the friend repack it in a new box that has "fragile" stamped all over it. Then have your friend smash the box and ship it to you. Tell your special other that it was new sconces for the living room lights. A surprise. But now you need to send it back. You can pull this one off for at least 3 packages but after that youre basically doomed to be honest. I don't envy that position.