View Full Version : Wives with husbands hiking AT this spring
Lynnette
03-06-2015, 12:09
Ahh I'm so excited for the husband. He is going to walk from GA to ME. My daughter did this. I started, but got busted at Delaware Water Gap. So now its his turn. Are you all sooo excited?
Cake
Virginia
Trailweaver
03-07-2015, 01:30
Well I'm surprised no one has responded to this!!! (Maybe they're all busy packing mail drops!) I'm excited for you to be excited for your husband! It's a big deal, this!
So, is he going to keep a trail journal? If so, how might we read about his progress? And what is his trail name - if he has one yet.
Sorry you "got busted." Was that a knee or an arrest? ; - )
Everyone here wishes you both success for this journey!
Gray Bear
03-07-2015, 05:08
I've been lurking hoping that this thread would fill up with comments from wives encouraging their husbands to do a 4-6 month hike. Espousing the personal growth and the tremendous benefits to a marriage. The joy they feel at helping their soul mate to achieve a lifelong goal while vicariously living through their adventure. Then I could show it to my wife to plant the seed! ;)
Seriously though, Thats pretty awesome. Having a supportive spouse on a trip like this is huge. Its pretty cool that you and your daughter can all she stories and different detail and perspectives with him. When you went was he with you or have you all done it at different times alone?
ericmack
03-07-2015, 08:29
My wife and I will start around March 2016 after we retire this fall.
Eric and wife's nickname is Mack
On the trail over the years, I have met quite a few ladies who were hiking because their husbands weren't interested or able. It is great to have the support of a spouse back home, be it husband or wife. Although a bit of advice - if your spouse comes to see you during the hike as mine did 3 times, it can make you a bit homesick, I was always in a bit of a funk for a day or so after she departed but soon got back in rhythm.
Best piece of advice my wife ever gave me: I was in southern Mass. and had severe tooth pain (an existing crown came off probably from eating 2-3 Snickers a day). I told my wife I was done and wanted to come home. She simply said "fine, come home - but you will spend the rest of your life thinking about finishing the trail". I immediately she that she was right (aren't they always?:) ). So i walked 3 (felt like 100) days into Dalton where I was fortunate enough to see a dentist and get things resolved.
good luck on the hike. One is very fortunate to have a spouse who is supportive of such a dream...or vacation...or act of foolishness.;)
ericmack
03-08-2015, 08:08
By the way- Mack is the amazon hiker who walks me in the ground when we day hike. As we plan and get ready for AT- we will be camping where she will- once again- show me what hiking is all about. Army "hiking" is not the same as this- and I was with mech/armor or Pentagon. She hiked all over to include Croatia. So my Mack will be the leader of our twosome. Meanwhile- I practice at the local Arboretum and walk 5-7 miles with 25-28 pound pack about 3 or 4 days a week to get in shape for this- just to keep up with my blonde Amazon.
mark2017
03-12-2015, 17:38
I am also curious about this. I have decided to do a March 2017 thru hike. My wife is not "Happy" I am doing this. But she said she is "understanding". I have wanted to do this for a long time now and I feel sooner is better than later. We do have a 4 year old son and she is currently due for another boy in early June. We have a very loving relationship. With that said, and the fact she gave permission, and said she will help with logistics....Should I feel guilty?
I am also curious about this. I have decided to do a March 2017 thru hike. My wife is not "Happy" I am doing this. But she said she is "understanding". I have wanted to do this for a long time now and I feel sooner is better than later. We do have a 4 year old son and she is currently due for another boy in early June. We have a very loving relationship. With that said, and the fact she gave permission, and said she will help with logistics....Should I feel guilty?
in your case, later is better than sooner. The wife is not happy and you will be leaving her with 2 little ones.That's quite a load. As is often said here, the trail ain't going anywhere and your kids will grow up and be out much sooner than you can imagine. Hike it later. I almost refrained from posting (due to the HYOH thing) but I believe that you asked for input. That's my $.02.
+1 on 4shot's statement. I was 32 then 34 when my children were born. They became my wife's and my life and job for 18+ years. Hiking became recreation for excape on occassional weekends. A thru hike, in a sense, is a 4-6 month job away from home and a totally new way of living seperate from wife and children. Should you feel guilty? I can't answer that. I just know that I would have felt guilty, for years later, for not doing my part of the job with my wife. Do the hike later. Your wife will "understand" even more and will also be "happy" to share the logistics with you. P.S. your Trail name can then be "No Regrets".
signed,
A Happily married man for 33-father for 23 yares - 3 years from retirement - 4 years from Hiking the AT
mark2017
03-14-2015, 10:36
Thank you gbolt and 4shot for your input. Its not exactly what I wanted to hear but makes perfect sense. I guess I was hoping to hear that I should just go for it. I am so torn between the loves in my life. My Family VS the solitude of the wilderness.
Thank you gbolt and 4shot for your input. Its not exactly what I wanted to hear but makes perfect sense. I guess I was hoping to hear that I should just go for it. I am so torn between the loves in my life. My Family VS the solitude of the wilderness.
mark, if it it is any salve, I too had always wanted to hike the trail...but put it off until the kids were gone. Hiked it when I was 50 and it remains one of my all time favorite life experiences. But would not place it above (or even near) raising my kids. One is simply recreation, the other is an almost sacred responsibility imo.
btw, appreciate your attitude towards feedback. Many (if not most) come on here 'asking for advice" with their minds made up. What they are seeking is approval.Regards.
Chickapea
03-15-2015, 12:35
From a stay-at-home-mom, please don't leave your wife for 6 months with two little ones. She needs you even if she's not saying it.
illabelle
03-15-2015, 17:52
Thank you gbolt and 4shot for your input. Its not exactly what I wanted to hear but makes perfect sense. I guess I was hoping to hear that I should just go for it. I am so torn between the loves in my life. My Family VS the solitude of the wilderness.
Another option that may relieve the guilt and the itch to hike is to simply do a longish section. How far can you get if you were out for a month? It would be a sacrifice - for both of you - instead of being a sacrifice for her only.
LoneStranger
03-16-2015, 11:42
Thank you gbolt and 4shot for your input. Its not exactly what I wanted to hear but makes perfect sense. I guess I was hoping to hear that I should just go for it. I am so torn between the loves in my life. My Family VS the solitude of the wilderness.
Why not combine your loves and take your family camping somewhere off the beaten path? The trail will still be there later whether you go alone or with the whole crew, but getting your kids out there, anywhere, when they are young is very rewarding. It will get them started on a life of appreciating the outdoors.
Some pretty good smooching to be had out there once the kids go to bed as well which is always better than an unhappy wife at home.
turtle fast
03-16-2015, 14:55
My wife and I hiked the AT in 08' together. The big thing is to remember to hike the pace of the slowest person and we found that dividing the camp chores on a "permanent" basis works well (that way it becomes routine). As well, remember to take a zero day once in a while to see the sights or to break up the routine (like having a weekend from work) as you find out hiking sometimes is like a job.
bannerstone
03-16-2015, 16:39
I am also curious about this. I have decided to do a March 2017 thru hike. My wife is not "Happy" I am doing this. But she said she is "understanding". I have wanted to do this for a long time now and I feel sooner is better than later. We do have a 4 year old son and she is currently due for another boy in early June. We have a very loving relationship. With that said, and the fact she gave permission, and said she will help with logistics....Should I feel guilty?
No Mark, I don't think you should feel guilty, but rather you should put the trail off till the kids are older and ask your wife to forgive you for asking her to make such a difficult decision.
I mean really, she said yes, she sounds like an amazing person and you have the amazing opportunity to raise a family with her.
David
mark2017
03-17-2015, 13:41
Wow, I am amazed and impressed by all the responses. Thanks to all.
YES. Family 1st. There will be time for YOU in the future. Old man here, but you asked.
Dholmblad
03-17-2015, 19:27
Just section hike until the kids are a little older.
Trailweaver
03-18-2015, 01:44
Two solutions come to mind. . . wait until the children are a little older and then all of you can go for section hikes. I once had a hiking partner bring his 2 1/2 year old daughter. She could almost out-hike me! She did hike a lot, but when she got tired, he carried her in one of those packs that has a child seat made into it. He took gear for her, and she loved it (now a teenager, she still does!) If you can't take both kids, then take turns with them.
OR - You can do your section hikes and hire someone to come in and help your wife out with the kids while you are gone. If you get a responsible teenager, your wife might even come with you for a short time, or she could maybe go to a day spa. If you make it worth her while, she could make your life a lot happier too.
Waiting until the kids are grown seems like a long time down the road, but if you keep your marriage happy, it will go faster than you think. It's easy to make some small compromises here, so work on that, and just know that the trail is going to be there a long time.
Hot Flash
03-18-2015, 08:42
Military spouses are left behind with children all the time, and we manage. If your wife willingly said yes without pressure from you, then go hike. Just have a good conversation with her about her expectations for your absence, and how things that you normally handle around the house will be taken care of while you're away. Have a set interval that you will call her every few days, and at which time she has the power to say "Come home" and you will do it without question and without complaint.
There's no reason you can't do this if you're both willingly on board with cooperating. Only you know the dynamics of your relationship, so only you and your wife can decide if this will work.
Not to totally disagree with Hot Flash; she makes good points about having a good conversation. However, Military Service as a job, bringing in family income while serving your country, is not quite the same as time away from home hiking the AT, which takes away from the family income. To me, this situation was not just about the Husband and Wife but included young children/babies. The responsibility goes beyond the spouse and must include responsibilities as a parent. Military personel sacrifice a great deal by missing out on the early stages of their children's growth through no choice of their own. This husband is making a choice and while he can decide what will work for him; he may not realize what he is also sacrificing.
4eyedbuzzard
03-18-2015, 09:25
Most young couples with children probably just don't have the financial resources to responsibly have one partner away for 4-6 months hiking. But provided they are financially well off, and one has their spouse's blessing, why not? I think that arrangements should be made to meet up in trail towns along the way, and an agreement to quit the hike should it be deemed necessary by the one left behind. But realistically, there's a 50% chance he won't last more than halfway anyway.
Mark, LOTS of great input here. I would totally agree with putting a thru off until later. I would also suggest a decent length (100-200) miles section hike each year depending on your ability to leave or get away. This helps satisfy a bit the desire to get out there and yet keeps you home helping with the kids. It worked well for me and gave me a lot of pleasure planning/dreaming about the upcoming section each year! I was even able to take my oldest son with me on two occasions and built some everlasting memories.
blazercoach
03-26-2015, 20:16
For what it's worth, mark2017, I'll be 40 in 2016. I'll begin a three-summer section hike with my will-be-12 year old son that year. As much as I would like to have done a thru-hike at some point, I'm really looking forward to doing this with my son. And my wife is perfectly happy to stay home with a 14 and 10 year old. I don't think she would have been happy if I'd left her and all of the kids behind.
Might be worth considering waiting and taking your oldest.
Halloween
03-27-2015, 12:40
Kids grow up quicker then you think then are gone but the trail will still be there. I have been section hiking with my kids since they were little. The 1000 mi. we have covered is not as important as connecting without life's distractions and the lifetime memories.
Lynnette
04-01-2015, 11:51
So - the husband has requested for the wife to join his thru hike at Hot Springs, NC. I am packing up to depart (catch a bus) after Easter- as he is currently hiking north through the Smokies. He says he is having fun doing well and still taking the miles slowly. Cake to join Ice Cream! We hike soo differently - it is going to be good and awkward as well. Since he left, we have been hiking here at home but not the day after day after day after day. Excited!
Any other wives going to the trail?
Cake
Virginia
Seatbelt
04-01-2015, 13:40
Why not agree to go hike for a month, stop and agree to have a conversation at that time about how it's going both on the trail and at home and decide together whether you will continue or return later or ....?? You both may have different thoughts at that time. It would at last take the pressure off initially.
Lynnette
04-01-2015, 14:02
Why not agree to go hike for a month, stop and agree to have a conversation at that time about how it's going both on the trail and at home and decide together whether you will continue or return later or ....?? You both may have different thoughts at that time. It would at last take the pressure off initially.
In my mind, that is the draft plan. He sort of has hiking buddies too. Its 18 days - enjoying it - from Hot Springs to VA and someplace where there is the 42$ bus ride home in Marion. Shall See.
L
mark2017
10-19-2016, 12:04
I know this is an old post but it is now 2017 and I wanted you to know we are taking YOUR advice. Start off with 1 month and then have a serious talk. Thanks for the idea. It has settled her worries
One Half
10-19-2016, 15:57
very interesting thread. not what I thought it was. I thought it was about couples hiking together until I started reading. If our positions were different I hope I could be uber supportive of my husband hiking alone but since I no longer work, that would be unnecessary. He has told me he would be happy for me if I wanted to thru hike by myself. He's such a great person. However, I don't think I will be taking him up on it simply because I want to share all of it with him. It's something we started talking about over 25 years ago - hiking the trail together. Besides, we have spent enough time apart in our married lives. I may start the trail next summer with a friend for a few weeks as she attempts a thru and I have his support to do it for as long as I wish, but I would miss him terribly. I am unsure how long I will go with her for, a minimum of 2 weeks but not likely more than 4. I just don't want to be away from him so long. I may change my mind when I'm on the trail, but after being apart for 6 weeks last year, I can't imagine 6 months.
trailmercury
10-20-2016, 13:49
Most young couples with children probably just don't have the financial resources to responsibly have one partner away for 4-6 months hiking. But provided they are financially well off, and one has their spouse's blessing, why not? I think that arrangements should be made to meet up in trail towns along the way, and an agreement to quit the hike should it be deemed necessary by the one left behind. But realistically, there's a 50% chance he won't last more than halfway anyway.
I agree with this, and that is exactly my plan....She is the one who actually suggested I do this now and not when the 3 kids are grown. She is quite independent when it comes to parenting...She currently is on a two week England trip with the kids right now... I am home working...
They will be meeting up with me on the trail, including camping in our RV at Trail Days... My 12 year old son will be doing long sections with me as well.