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acadiamoon
04-02-2015, 20:48
What can I do to help a significant other that is hiking and thinking of leaving the trail? He's prepared for so long and so well and I just can't imagine that he won't regret it. But I don't know what to say or how to help him.

johnnybgood
04-02-2015, 21:09
What I would do is allow him to make his decision based not how he feels today, instead on how he feels after a few more days on the trail. If then he decides to leave the trail, support his decision however reminding him that he can return to his hike at any time. Give him your support but don't put any pressure on him.

Praha4
04-02-2015, 21:58
I don't know how long he's been hiking, but I'm guessing he's in his first few weeks on the trail. The crowd on the AT this season is immense, it's a mob out there. If he is getting burnt out, could you drive down to meet him on the trail, and suggest he take a break from the hike to recharge his batteries. Maybe a few days together in town to rest up and you can cheer him up. My experiences have been that when I'm burned out on a section hike, after 3-4 days off the trail, I can't wait to get back on the trail. Perhaps he just needs a short break. A "thru hike" does not mean he can't take a break as needed. I've known many hikers who faced depression during that first few weeks, took a few days off, and had a new outlook on it, went back and finished.

from what you said, this has been one of his big goals, and he would regret stopping completely

wornoutboots
04-02-2015, 22:08
If it is the current "Mob" scene, I'd suggest for him the bounce ahead a few hundred miles & grab some needed solitude (at least many less hikers) then you can offer to come back & hike with or support him when they return to do their skipped section.

Slo-go'en
04-02-2015, 22:35
Tell him you'll file for divorce :)

Seriously, it all depends on what his reasons are. Is it the weather, the people, the physical difficulty, homesick or does the reality of the trail not meet his romantic notions of what it would be like? Once you know the reason(s) maybe you can address them.

jdc5294
04-03-2015, 00:34
If it's the people, the suggestions already given are good ones. Find a way to leave the mob behind. I left in early February for that exact reason and loved every second.

If it's because of the hiking experience in general, that's a different story. A rule I heard repeated a lot was "never quit on a bad day". Of course this is hard when you have a string of 10 bad days. If that's the case and he's genuinely not happy for long stretches of time it's probably better that he quit. It's not for everyone, and no amount of preparation and research can accurately convey what it's like to actually be out there for months at a time. Sometimes when a person is faced with that reality they see that it's not for them. No shame in it at all. Even on the rainiest hottest coldest snowiest whatever-iest days, I never thought about quitting and I never had one of those oft-mentioned "bad days". It takes a special breed and again there's no shame in admitting you're not it.

Donde
04-03-2015, 04:45
Don't Quit on a bad day! If you are miserable cause of weather wait it out, cause of gear fix it, cause of crowds go flip and go SOBO (like you should have in the first place). But if it is all going right, and one does not like, then quitting is the right answer. Met a kid in Gorham NH SOBO '13 asked him why he was quitting, and he told me he hiked all of Maine and didn't enjoy it at all. I told him Maine is the best part, so maybe he should try golf.

egilbe
04-03-2015, 07:03
Met a kid in Gorham NH SOBO '13 asked him why he was quitting, and he told me he hiked all of Maine and didn't enjoy it at all. I told him Maine is the best part, so maybe he should try golf.

I agree :D

peakbagger
04-03-2015, 08:06
If you do have a car and the time, it might be worth slacking him a few days. Hiking in spring weather is unpleasant but far worse is hiking all day in the rain and having to camp in the rain in wet clothes for multiple days in a row. If he doesn't like slackpacking and sleeping in warm bed with dry clothes, then its time for a new hobby.

Turk6177
04-03-2015, 08:20
Have him read the book Appalachian Trials.

Tuckahoe
04-03-2015, 11:59
Take this advice for what it's worth, as I do not know the personal issues...

But the one common theme I've seen in so many thru-hiker memoirs and journals is the feeling of being homesick, especially for the company of the SO. Along with being homesick there is many times an expression of some guilt. Other minor issues can seem to compound those feelings.

So, my thought would be to offer reassurance and support and maybe even ask if he would want to have the regret of not finishing.

And if there needs to be tough love, tell him to come home with his shield or on it! ;)

Spirit Walker
04-03-2015, 13:50
1. Let him know you can handle things without him. I've seen thruhikers get off the phone with a SO and feel so guilty that they are out enjoying life while their partner is dealing with bills, family problems, etc. Some people try to guilt their partners into coming home, but some do it without intending to. If you are happy, he won't be wasting energy worrying about you.

2. Related - I wouldn't go visit him yet, unless you live very nearby. It's so much easier to go home when the car is right there.

3. Suggest that he go one more resupply stretch before making a decision. Anyone can go 50 or 100 miles to the next town. Suggest that he go that far, take two days off, and then decide whether or not the trail is right for him.

4. Thruhiking is not for everyone. If he does decide to go home, support him as much as you supported his decision to try the hike.

acadiamoon
04-04-2015, 15:47
Thank you all for the advice, I think jdc probably hit the nail on the head. He said he's just starting to hate the things he loves - hiking and camping. I had planned to meet him in hot springs - but he's only a week in and that is another two weeks so I might try to get down there sooner.

Walkintom
04-04-2015, 15:49
Works for most situations:

Never quit anything on a bad day.

4eyedbuzzard
04-04-2015, 16:02
Thank you all for the advice, I think jdc probably hit the nail on the head. He said he's just starting to hate the things he loves - hiking and camping. I had planned to meet him in hot springs - but he's only a week in and that is another two weeks so I might try to get down there sooner.Small consolation perhaps, but if he does ultimately decide to stop, he's always a welcome member of a really big hiker club that also figured out thru-hiking just wasn't for them.

colorado_rob
04-04-2015, 16:31
Easy answer: join him.

Colter
04-05-2015, 10:00
It might pay to remind him that:
Most people think about quitting, even those who are ultimately successful.
The tougher something is the greater the value of success.
He should think about pleasing not only the person he is today, but the person he will be in the future. Will he look back in twenty years and be glad that he quit or glad that he didn't?

bobtomaskovic
04-05-2015, 12:13
I think Colter hit the nail on the head. When I thought about quitting, I had to remind myself that 1. this was something I always wanted to do and 2. I would probably just come back next year and try again loosing the mileage I already hiked. A trick that worked really well for me was quitting in the middle of nowhere. I would decide to quit and get off trail at the next decent sized town. By the time I got there something good would happen and my mind would change. It also took off all the pressure to complete, I could quit anytime and I frequently did.

bigcranky
04-05-2015, 18:33
Man, this is tough. I've quit section hikes early, thinking I was making the right decision, and as soon as I got home I wanted to be back on the trail.

A week on the trail is really not enough time to make a decision. It's a miserable time -- everything hurts, no trail legs yet, lots of other people but feeling very alone. If he's an introvert (common among hikers) this feeling is magnified. The weather can suck, and all you're doing is walking straight uphill and straight back down through dead brown woods that all look the same. (This is fun, right? :) )

It's hard being away from home. My best hikes are when I go with my lovely wife, because we're together.

I guess I'd tell him to hang in there, give it a few weeks and see how he feels. It will get better -- the temps will warm up, flowers will bloom, he'll get stronger.

Good luck to you both.

jdc5294
04-05-2015, 19:05
Thank you all for the advice, I think jdc probably hit the nail on the head. He said he's just starting to hate the things he loves - hiking and camping. I had planned to meet him in hot springs - but he's only a week in and that is another two weeks so I might try to get down there sooner.
Good luck to him and Buzzard also said something very important. You don't have to do 6 straight months to be called a hiker. Weekend or week-long trips are (for me at least) just as fun and rewarding. You're in Hyattsville, great area my girlfriend lives in Laurel. If you do some Google hoodoo voodoo you'll see there's plenty of hiking opportunities around you that can me tailored to any time frame from a weekend up to a month. My favorite site is http://traildino.com/ but there's plenty of others.

Jedeye
04-05-2015, 20:40
It's a tough thing mentally and physically when the trail starts to get down on you. But it sounds like if it's something he has spent so much time preparing for that he would regret getting off early. The best advise I heard on the trail was not to stop on a bad day. It's okay to get off the trail if that's not where you want to be, but get off on a GOOD day. Best of luck to both of you ~ it's fine whatever the decision because it's not necessarily the end.

tim.hiker
04-06-2015, 07:07
It's a tough thing mentally and physically when the trail starts to get down on you. But it sounds like if it's something he has spent so much time preparing for that he would regret getting off early. The best advise I heard on the trail was not to stop on a bad day. It's okay to get off the trail if that's not where you want to be, but get off on a GOOD day. Best of luck to both of you ~ it's fine whatever the decision because it's not necessarily the end.
Awesome advice for anything.

slbirdnerd
04-06-2015, 12:28
From Jennifer Pharr Davis: Never make the decision to quit on a bad day.