View Full Version : You know, or you should know, you are not a LD hiker when:
You're posts exceed your hiking miles.
You're a bit perplexed with the meaning of the LD abbreviation.
You are still using the Coleman rectangular synthetic 4 lb 25 *sleeping bag, still in near pristine condition, as you did 30 yrs ago with the 1985 manufacturing tag still attached.
You've never bought, built, considered, or know about alchy stoves or anything other than a 5 lb Coleman white gas stove. If you questioned what alchy means before being told...umm...
You're BIG 5 includes a Coleman cooler.
You take a foldable fishing chair with integrated cup holders in the armrests on every "hike."
You consider European mountaineering thick leather steel toed and shanked waterproof boots a must for every hike.
You carry an equally large Rambo or Crocodile Dundee "shank" on every "hike."
You consider that canvas tent brought back from Nam your shelter of choice.
Canned spam, vienna sausages, sardines and potatoes are what's regularly in your food satchel. You also tend to leave the empty tins wherever you happen to be knowing the required Homecoming size campfire ring is a good place to dispose of them as the trail maintenance elves will be coming along in the middle of the night to take away your trash.
Sarcasm the elf
09-12-2015, 22:28
I was willing to take this in good humor until you took a swipe at Sardines, that's going too far.
WingedMonkey
09-12-2015, 22:36
I was willing to take this in good humor until you took a swipe at Sardines, that's going too far.
And it appears he don't know that Vienna sausages now come in retort bags.
Another Kevin
09-12-2015, 23:56
You know you're not a long distance hiker when ... you don't hike long distances. That's me. Well, and seeing how much Elf enjoys his sardines has made me consider carrying them myself.
Hangfire
09-13-2015, 00:36
You get to Black Gap Shelter and realize you left your tent at home.:(
Or maybe that's more like "you know you're unprepared to hike the AT when..."
You are still using the Coleman rectangular synthetic 4 lb 25 *sleeping bag, still in near pristine condition, as you did 30 yrs ago with the 1985 manufacturing tag still attached.
I just cant believe 1985 was thirty years ago....
Time flies when you are LD.
gregpphoto
09-13-2015, 03:42
And yet people have completed long distance hikes carrying some of the above. Guess that dampers your logic. Also, I hope you've hiked more than 9,847 mikes or else yer nothing but a hypocrite.
ironbutt
09-13-2015, 07:24
I guess I'm a LD as I still have my OD shelter half , pre-nam GI sleeping bag, folding tenching tool and I am partial to beenie-weenie's and Tang...
@Dogwood
You don't like my boots?
The Cleaner
09-13-2015, 07:57
You don't know what the early signs of hypothermia are.
bigcranky
09-13-2015, 08:27
I just cant believe 1985 was thirty years ago....
Me neither, that's the year we got married. :)
BirdBrain
09-13-2015, 08:41
Me neither, that's the year we got married. :)
Congrats. We are one year behind you. Our 30th comes next June. Have you made it to yours yet? That is a big deal these days. If so, happy anniversary. You are definitely doing it right. As to the thread........ I got nothing.
kayak karl
09-13-2015, 08:56
Boredom sets in before Damascus ;)
Slo-go'en
09-13-2015, 10:40
And yet people have completed long distance hikes carrying some of the above. Guess that dampers your logic. Also, I hope you've hiked more than 9,847 mikes or else yer nothing but a hypocrite.
Dogwood has probably hiked at least that many miles. My post count is starting to exceed my mileage though. Someday I should try and figure out how many miles I have on my knees...
And it appears he don't know that Vienna sausages now come in retort bags.
All this talk of food made me hungry, I broke out a single serving SPAM for breakfast.
And yet people have completed long distance hikes carrying some of the above. Guess that dampers your logic. Also, I hope you've hiked more than 9,847 mikes or else yer nothing but a hypocrite.
Im guessing dogwood as a tad more than 9847 miles hiked.
gregpphoto
09-13-2015, 11:46
Im guessing dogwood as a tad more than 9847 miles hiked.
Fair enough then.
Just Bill
09-13-2015, 12:31
You're posts exceed your hiking miles.
You're a bit perplexed with the meaning of the LD abbreviation.
You are still using the Coleman rectangular synthetic 4 lb 25 *sleeping bag, still in near pristine condition, as you did 30 yrs ago with the 1985 manufacturing tag still attached.
You've never bought, built, considered, or know about alchy stoves or anything other than a 5 lb Coleman white gas stove. If you questioned what alchy means before being told...umm...
You're BIG 5 includes a Coleman cooler.
You take a foldable fishing chair with integrated cup holders in the armrests on every "hike."
You consider European mountaineering thick leather steel toed and shanked waterproof boots a must for every hike.
You carry an equally large Rambo or Crocodile Dundee "shank" on every "hike."
You consider that canvas tent brought back from Nam your shelter of choice.
Canned spam, vienna sausages, sardines and potatoes are what's regularly in your food satchel. You also tend to leave the empty tins wherever you happen to be knowing the required Homecoming size campfire ring is a good place to dispose of them as the trail maintenance elves will be coming along in the middle of the night to take away your trash.
You're a bit perplexed that your wife now refers to you on her mommy forums as "LD". (Lazy Dad)
You had to buy a 36x84 rectangular REI pad that weighs 4.5 pounds for your wife to car camp on because "the baby needs it".
The tag is still attached because you hope to return it by next season.
Instead of tanking up on beers at a trail town you sit and drink them at home so alchy now has a different meaning.
Your big 5 go in your cooler- whole milk, 2% milk, greek yogurt, cheese, jelly, and whiskey.
Your kids have their own special REI chair with sippy cup holders.
You consider an aluminum framed thick cordura osprey kid carrier a must for every hike.
You carry at least two butter knives so you can always whip up an emergency PB&J.
A Bill Mason style canvas tent with wings and stove port now seems a practical shelter when you are packing for two adults and two kids who don't understand sleeping under a tarp.
Squeeze packs of veggie glop, plastic tubs of applesauce, goldfish, and veggie sticks (potato being the best flavor) now go into your diaper satchel.
If you aren't careful all the car campground elves (coons, chipmunks, and other ground dwelling rodents) will get your food or children in the middle of the night.
At least I've got enough miles banked though that I'm still good on the post count thing for now.:p
At least I've got enough miles banked though that I'm still good on the post count thing for now.:p
Me too! :D
Your UL gear is all brand new, and mostly unused. I know I could drop a pound or two with newer gear, but it's hard to replace gear that is not that heavy but still functionable. All the heavy stuff is gone, but the little stuff still working.
PLEASE, lighten up. I meant this thread to be fictional and tongue in cheek with perhaps some element of experienced truth.
Yes Greggphoto, I would be hypocritical not to note all you stated. Again, it's just fun. IMHO, beats rehashing gear wts, DIY alchy stove boil times, and what's the BEST rain jacket.
BTW, have the miles well covered if you counted all my posts here and every website I've ever amassed posts, have LD hiked in the boots I described, and have LD hiked with a 4 lb Slumberjak sleeping bag. I'm missing the Coleman cooler and Spots Authority Neon Blue nylon foldable sports chair though. When I make fun of these situations I'm making fun of myself too.
C'mon my friend, think happy happy JTree climbing thoughts. :D ;)
And, for the tin can folks I like sardines and herring on the trail too and certainly can't always find them in foil packs. I do pack my tins out though.
Sarcasm the elf
09-13-2015, 13:30
And, for the tin can folks I like sardines and herring on the trail too and certainly can't always find them in foil packs. I do pack my tins out though.
You're supposed to bury the cans in the woods using your plastic orange trowel, that's what real hikers do.
And, for the tin can folks I like sardines and herring on the trail too and certainly can't always find them in foil packs. I do pack my tins out though.
The biggest mistake I made was sardines.
I had the good fortune to talk to exactly 1 thru hiker before heading off to the Trail. Unfortunately he was very enthusiastic about the value of sardines for lunch and at the time I was very good listener.
Over 141 days I think I probably had 120 cans-- in oil, in mustard in tomato sauce, you name it.
I never had had one since and never will. My wife buys herring in cans against my protests, but I make sure they are not redily visible in the cupboard.
I am getting ill as I type this.
You're supposed to bury the cans in the woods using your plastic orange trowel, that's what real hikers do.
Real hikers would have a foldable UL titanium trowel that doubled as a tent stake and satellite dish.
You-know-or-you-should-know-you-are-not-a-LD-hiker-when...
You said, "its only an extra pound," on at least two items in your pack.
You don't need Vitamin I.
When it comes to hiking you make excuses rather than plans.
You've never quit a job to go hiking.
You still believe EVERYTHING REI says.
You still try to stay dry.
You still list, "that one year I made it to Neels Gap," as a great accomplishment
Real hikers would have a foldable UL titanium trowel that doubled as a tent stake and satellite dish.
I thought real real hikers threw their Sardine cans in the fire when they were done with them? I'm doing it wrong.
BirdBrain
09-13-2015, 14:04
Real hikers would have a foldable UL titanium trowel that doubled as a tent stake and satellite dish.
Maybe use it as a spoon too? :eek:
bigcranky
09-13-2015, 15:49
Congrats. We are one year behind you. Our 30th comes next June. Have you made it to yours yet? That is a big deal these days. If so, happy anniversary. You are definitely doing it right. As to the thread........ I got nothing.
Yup, in May. Thanks!
Back to the thread:
You know you're not a long distance hiker when....
....you drive your car to pick up the mail. In your mailbox. At the end of your (short) driveway.
....you fight for the parking space closest to the mall entrance (or the grocery store, etc.).
....your packing list for a week long vacation includes a fresh complete change of clothes for each day, with a few spares just in case.
....your suitcase for a week long vacation will barely fit in your car trunk, and must be checked on the plane. (Bonus points if you pay for it being overweight.)
....your idea of "roughing it" is a hotel without room service.
....your RV has a satellite dish and a 48 inch flat screen TV.
....you think the flat, half mile nature walk at the local park is a tough hike.
....anything you drink needs ice and a little umbrella.
Slo-go'en
09-13-2015, 16:06
When your pack weighs 45 pounds for a summer overnight at a shelter 3 miles from the parking lot. (I've seen that many times)
When your pack weighs 45 pounds for a summer overnight at a shelter 3 miles from the parking lot. (I've seen that many times)
50 pounds, two miles from rt26. Took him 5 hours to go that far.
WingedMonkey
09-13-2015, 16:31
When your pack weighs 45 pounds for a summer overnight at a shelter 3 miles from the parking lot. (I've seen that many times)
Just because they call it Lite Beer, doesn't mean it is.
:p
You appear in a "People of Wal-Mart" video.
bigcranky
09-13-2015, 17:58
If 40 of the 50 pounds is beer, then it might be an LD hiker, just out for the weekend.
WingedMonkey
09-13-2015, 20:46
If 40 of the 50 pounds is beer, then it might be an LD hiker, just out for the weekend.
20 years ago at a shelter in Shenandoah another northbound hiker by the name of Jack showed up with enough beer (in bottles) for everyone at the shelter.
To this day, every time I see him, it's the first thing I remember.
LittleRock
09-14-2015, 09:29
I just cant believe 1985 was thirty years ago....
That's the year I was born. *gasp* Do you know what that means, Marty?
You know you're not a LD hiker when your list of essentials includes a quart-size bottle of lighter fluid.
fastfoxengineering
09-14-2015, 10:56
When a hiker runs by you with a tiny little "daypack" and you think your more bad ass cause your out for an overnighter.
UL long distance for the win.
Tuckahoe
09-14-2015, 11:09
You know you're not a LD hiker when your gear weighs more than your entitlement attitude...
;):p:banana
rocketsocks
09-14-2015, 11:48
When...you could care less what time you get there.
plexusbritt
09-15-2015, 00:32
When you use two comforters in your hammock, take three dogs, and then make sure you angle pics so that it crops out your car and shows the woods and creek. (Face palm- I took a girl car camping two weeks ago because she had only been once)
You can still tell what color your trail runners were originally.
You regularly use a horse or kayak to go camping (guilty but I love it)
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
you appear in a "people of wal-mart" video.
you know you're not a ld hiker when your gear weighs more than your entitlement attitude...
;):p:banana
lol........
Sarcasm the elf
09-15-2015, 10:50
You are proud of your "This car climbed Mount Washington" bumper sticker :D
You are proud of your "This car climbed Mount Washington" bumper sticker :D
@#&%@#%$!!!... Boy do I hate those things!!! :datz:datz:datz
Brings back images of a whiny, chubby, snot nosed kid, with melting ice cream all over their too tight shirt, as they leave a freshly plucked booger, on the underside of the coin operated binoculars, at the summit.
rocketsocks
09-15-2015, 14:59
You are proud of your "This car climbed Mount Washington" bumper sticker :DLike me, I don't think my car could make it up Mt. Washington.
BirdBrain
09-15-2015, 15:09
You are proud of your "This car climbed Mount Washington" bumper sticker :D
I climbed that thing twice. The first time, I had to touch the sign. The top was in a cloud. When I got close, I saw a huge line of people that drove up that were standing in line to get a picture in the fog. They were so proud of their feat. I said to myself, " there is no way I am standing in line". I climbed up the boulder slide directly to the sign, said excuse me. Then I walked to the shop to buy a "this body climbed Mt Washington" T-shirt. I saw a 12 year old boy in the Mahuoosucs that had one. When I saw his, I asked him where he got his and told him I had to have one.
@#&%@#%$!!!... Boy do I hate those things!!! :datz:datz:datz
Brings back images of a whiny, chubby, snot nosed kid, with melting ice cream all over their too tight shirt, as they leave a freshly plucked booger, on the underside of the coin operated binoculars, at the summit.
OMG, luved it, the post not finding a finding a dried booger under the binoculars. I have to restrain myself from not "accidentally" tripping or walking up right in front of his equally "challenged" parents and knock the ice cream, BIG Gulp, or fried pork skins out of his hands.
August W.
09-15-2015, 19:14
I know I'm not an LD hiker when I spend more time wearing backpacking boots at work than on a trail. Fortunately I have a work pair that rarely gets hiked in and a trail pair that never gets worked in.
theinfamousj
09-15-2015, 19:54
You are still using the Coleman rectangular synthetic 4 lb 25 *sleeping bag, still in near pristine condition, as you did 30 yrs ago with the 1985 manufacturing tag still attached.
Hey now! I still have one of those and it is is in near pristine condition ... because it lives in the back of my gear closet having been used all of twice on account of it is so heavy.
But it is very handy to have for when I have more company than sleeping surfaces. Or so I tell myself. It has happened zero times.
That very bulky synthetic Slumberjak bag I had took up 1/4 of the interior volume of that Osprey 75 L backpack. Everytime I unloaded this sleeping bag from the pack it felt like I was unloading a heavy skydiving parachute.
My sis, who isn't a LD hiker, OBVIOUSLY, took eight throw pillows from the couch, a new large full box of long stick matches used for lighting fireplace fires, a solar oven, a dozen long tapered wax candles, all strangely scented differently, four of those neon blue Spots Authority logoed foldable sports chairs each one also logoed with a different NFL team(which had the kids constantly arguing who sat in the chair with the best team logoed on it), a generator, electric adjustable rotating pedestal fan, small TV, battery operated warming seating pads, lanai indoor/outdoor 10'x12' bamboo rug, 8 p Coleman tent, several bags of pretzels, popcorn, and marshmallows, and a electric cooler she plugged into the generator on a weekend camping trip. She got a flat on the way to the CG. I changed the tire for her so had to remove all that shart to get at the spare so I knew exactly what she had. I was loosing my shart and strangely snidely laughing in the rain like a mentally deranged psychopath as I changed the tire. Who the f#$k brings a solar oven when rain is forecasted for the trip, uses a 8p tent for 5 p(three being young children), an electric cooler for a late Sept COOL weather trip, and large rug. The inside of her Colman looked like a sheik's tent from Lawrence of Arabia. Twilight zone.
plexusbritt
09-15-2015, 22:16
My sis, who isn't a LD hiker, OBVIOUSLY, took eight throw pillows from the couch, a new large full box of long stick matches used for lighting fireplace fires, a solar oven, a dozen long tapered wax candles, all strangely scented differently, four of those neon blue Spots Authority logoed foldable sports chairs each one also logoed with a different NFL team(which had the kids constantly arguing who sat in the chair with the best team logoed on it), a generator, electric adjustable rotating pedestal fan, small TV, battery operated warming seating pads, lanai indoor/outdoor 10'x12' bamboo rug, 8 p Coleman tent, several bags of pretzels, popcorn, and marshmallows, and a electric cooler she plugged into the generator on a weekend camping trip. She got a flat on the way to the CG. I changed the tire for her so had to remove all that shart to get at the spare so I knew exactly what she had. I was loosing my shart and strangely snidely laughing in the rain like a mentally deranged psychopath as I changed the tire. Who the f#$k brings a solar oven when rain is forecasted for the trip, uses a 8p tent for 5 p(three being young children), an electric cooler for a late Sept COOL weather trip, and large rug. The inside of her Colman looked like a sheik's tent from Lawrence of Arabia. Twilight zone.
Wow. Just wow laughing so hard my husband walked in to see what I was doing.
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
squeezebox
09-15-2015, 23:39
The very nice teller at my bank has a propane slow cooker.
LittleRock
09-16-2015, 08:40
My sis, who isn't a LD hiker, OBVIOUSLY, took eight throw pillows from the couch, a new large full box of long stick matches used for lighting fireplace fires, a solar oven, a dozen long tapered wax candles, all strangely scented differently, four of those neon blue Spots Authority logoed foldable sports chairs each one also logoed with a different NFL team(which had the kids constantly arguing who sat in the chair with the best team logoed on it), a generator, electric adjustable rotating pedestal fan, small TV, battery operated warming seating pads, lanai indoor/outdoor 10'x12' bamboo rug, 8 p Coleman tent, several bags of pretzels, popcorn, and marshmallows, and a electric cooler she plugged into the generator on a weekend camping trip. She got a flat on the way to the CG. I changed the tire for her so had to remove all that shart to get at the spare so I knew exactly what she had. I was loosing my shart and strangely snidely laughing in the rain like a mentally deranged psychopath as I changed the tire. Who the f#$k brings a solar oven when rain is forecasted for the trip, uses a 8p tent for 5 p(three being young children), an electric cooler for a late Sept COOL weather trip, and large rug. The inside of her Colman looked like a sheik's tent from Lawrence of Arabia. Twilight zone.
Hey, she'd be the most popular person on the block in a Syrian refugee camp.
(I apologize in advance if anyone finds this post offensive.)