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susiegear
01-23-2016, 12:30
So I have 8 days of work left and less than 2 months and I will be on Springer Mountain and it is all getting very real. Deep down I am confident in my decisions to end up in this situation but it is starting to freak me out a bit. I have a fair job with great benefits and retirement. 6 years with the company. I am cashing out my retirement to fund this trip. My wife is being supportive overall and my kids are out of the house and into college. My wife's job will cover my health insurance and my job told me I would be welcomed back in the future (not that I really want to go back, its a huge company with far too much politics) but its nice to know I can go back. I'm 39 and never expect to have a "career" so I'm OK with having a gap in my employment.
So I feel like I'm in the perfect situation, wife is OK with it, job welcomes me back, I have the money.....why is there almost a panic in my brain? I am hoping that once work is finished I can just focus on getting all of the last minute stuff together and getting to the trail.
Anyone else going thru this? I expected a bit of nervousness but not to this extreme. I have left before for weeks at a time for different trips, backpacking, canoeing, and bicycle touring but it did not feel like this. I was always on "vacation" and had a set date to return to work. I have no definitive time to be back. Anyone have any advice? Thanks!

Lone Wolf
01-23-2016, 12:58
So I have 8 days of work left and less than 2 months and I will be on Springer Mountain and it is all getting very real. Deep down I am confident in my decisions to end up in this situation but it is starting to freak me out a bit. I have a fair job with great benefits and retirement. 6 years with the company. I am cashing out my retirement to fund this trip. My wife is being supportive overall and my kids are out of the house and into college. My wife's job will cover my health insurance and my job told me I would be welcomed back in the future (not that I really want to go back, its a huge company with far too much politics) but its nice to know I can go back. I'm 39 and never expect to have a "career" so I'm OK with having a gap in my employment.
So I feel like I'm in the perfect situation, wife is OK with it, job welcomes me back, I have the money.....why is there almost a panic in my brain? I am hoping that once work is finished I can just focus on getting all of the last minute stuff together and getting to the trail.
Anyone else going thru this? I expected a bit of nervousness but not to this extreme. I have left before for weeks at a time for different trips, backpacking, canoeing, and bicycle touring but it did not feel like this. I was always on "vacation" and had a set date to return to work. I have no definitive time to be back. Anyone have any advice? Thanks!

my first thru-hike i was freakin' out too. i took 2 steps on the trail and all the doubt, fears, guilt etc. faded right away. just do it

rafe
01-23-2016, 13:11
A little panic is good for you. Keeps it real. Keeps you on your toes. Society doesn't encourage big adventures like the one you're about to do. No society does. Unless you're born into wealth and privilege.

It's not unreasonable to fret about the responsibilities back home (career, family, mortgage, etc.) That's why most thru hikers are either older or younger than you by 20 years or so.

Make peace with these demons before you go.

rafe
01-23-2016, 13:13
my first thru-hike i was freakin' out too. i took 2 steps on the trail and all the doubt, fears, guilt etc. faded right away. just do it

Doubt? Fear? Guilt? Lone Wolf? Does not compute.

Puddlefish
01-23-2016, 13:17
Transitions are always a bit strange. I'm already retired, took years to get myself back into shape, have been planning actively for half a year, bought many dollars worth of gear, yet... it took me a full day to get past the panic and buy a cheap plane ticket to Atlanta and commit to a specific date. So despite all the steady progress, time and expense to get that far, that last little transaction was "more real" to me, than all the activity before it.

It is after all, just a very long vacation. Like all vacations, you'll spend the first few days de-stressing from your normal routine, and the last few days worrying about going back to your normal routine, whatever that may be. It's all the days in between that will be enjoyable, challenging, interesting, and hopefully only occasionally frustrating.

mtntopper
01-23-2016, 13:51
I just wonder how wise it is to cash out retirement to fund a thru hike? Maybe at 59 but at 39 not so wise.

Kristeninmb
01-23-2016, 14:30
If you read Appalachian Trials, you will read that much of this "trip" is mental. I over think everything. HYOH and in the word of Yoda. Do, or no do.
No try. YOU CAN DO IT!!!!! ( the last is me not Yoda)

PackHorse
01-23-2016, 14:45
I just wonder how wise it is to cash out retirement to fund a thru hike? Maybe at 59 but at 39 not so wise.

The title of the thread is " What the heck am I doing? " I agree, what the heck are you doing? Everybody makes their own decisions and there's always the argument that something may happen and you wouldn't get to do it later. But I will never sacrifice my family's future for my immediate pleasure. Now, if I had saved special money and had re-entry planned, yes. But just me.

Puddlefish
01-23-2016, 15:07
The title of the thread is " What the heck am I doing? " I agree, what the heck are you doing? Everybody makes their own decisions and there's always the argument that something may happen and you wouldn't get to do it later. But I will never sacrifice my family's future for my immediate pleasure. Now, if I had saved special money and had re-entry planned, yes. But just me.

As far as mid life crisis'es go, I've seen worse (which admittedly is a low standard.) His kids are off to college, his employer says they'll take him back. Cashing out the retirement does seem inefficient financially because of the tax hit. It's only six years of funds, and the $6K or so needed to hike the trail, isn't a huge amount that will make or break a financial future.

Coffee
01-23-2016, 15:17
Cashing out a retirement fund is a very expensive way to fund a hike. Taxes and penalties are atrocious for anyone under 59 1/2 years old.

Spirit Walker
01-23-2016, 15:35
Why are you waiting 2 months to hike? Getting ready for an AT thruhike takes about a week, if you have made no prior preparation. Better to hike now and get home sooner, or work another month and a half, and save the money to hike on.

As to your question - pre-hike nerves are very common. You're making a major change in your life and that of your family. You don't have control over the outcome. You don't know whether you'll be one of the 20% that make it, or the 80% that don't. You don't know whether it will be worthwhile. It's scary. Before my first hike, I was sleeping about 5 hours a night. I'd wake up before dawn after dreaming of the trail as I imagined it to be. I was excited, but I also feared the unknown and wondered whether I would be able to do what I set out to accomplish. As LW said, after a few days on the trail, all the fears and doubts will disappear. You'll only be concerned with getting through each day, each section. The world you left behind will feel very remote. Present moment living at its finest.

susiegear
01-23-2016, 16:50
I don't feel that taking my retirement is irresponsible at all, nor does my wife. I did not mention in my first post but I have a health condition that will probably not allow me to get to the age to retire. It should not affect my hiking right now but might in the future. I also don't think of this as a mid life crisis or anything like that. I'm pretty happy in my life other than my job. I have a great family, get to go on great adventures fairly frequently, although they are much shorter trips, and am overall pretty content with things. The first time I saw the trail I was 13 years old and have had a strong interest in it ever since. I have been training for the last couple of years on the SHT in Minnesota. I am only taking off the time between quitting my job and heading for the trail to finish up my retirement paperwork and get that all finalized and spend time out of state with family. They say 4-6 weeks for the retirement stuff. I'm ready to hit the trail today but just have to finish up some loose ends on the home front.

susiegear
01-23-2016, 16:53
Also, I understand the tax hit. I will lose about 12,000$ in this whole deal.It is a lot of money but not really in the whole scheme of things. If I were losing 50k I would definitely think more about it but 13000 is not the end of the world

susiegear
01-23-2016, 16:53
That should have said 12,000

bemental
01-23-2016, 17:15
It's your life, and your money - but considering you could completely acquire all the gear you'd need for a hike (and have plenty left over), and budget on-the-trail cash with just the money you're losing on cashing out your retirement fund makes me think there's got to be a better way to fund this thing.

Since you've already purchased all of your gear, is there any way you can put aside say $500 a month from your wife's job while you're on the trail? That should be plenty spending money for you I would think, especially if you manage it wisely.

Also, retirement plans are required by the IRS to detail their stipulations for 'hardship distributions' (if there are any), meaning ways in which you can pull your cash from a retirement fund before retirement without most of the nasty tax penalties. Medical bills are exactly the sort of thing that would fall under hardship distributions, so don't sell yourself short by taking such a huge hit by withdrawing your hard-earned retirement savings early.

https://www.irs.gov/Retirement-Plans/Retirement-Plans-FAQs-regarding-Hardship-Distributions#1

susiegear
01-23-2016, 17:38
Spending my retirement isn't so much my concern. Like I said, losing 12k isn't the end of the world. Life should be an adventure and that's the plan. With my health the drs tell me I will be lucky to make it another 15 -20 years with current medical technology. My mother had the same condition and lived to be 56. I have taken care of my family for the future with life insurance and have worked hard to pay the mortgage off. We are nearly debt free and our expenses are very minimal. I know most people might not feel this way but I also feel that we are in a bit of different circumstances of most my age.

My worry about the trip isn't about money.

Lone Wolf
01-23-2016, 17:54
Spending my retirement isn't so much my concern. Like I said, losing 12k isn't the end of the world. Life should be an adventure and that's the plan. With my health the drs tell me I will be lucky to make it another 15 -20 years with current medical technology. My mother had the same condition and lived to be 56. I have taken care of my family for the future with life insurance and have worked hard to pay the mortgage off. We are nearly debt free and our expenses are very minimal. I know most people might not feel this way but I also feel that we are in a bit of different circumstances of most my age.

My worry about the trip isn't about money.

a month after i turned 50 i had a major heart attack and emergency open heart surgery 3 hours later. i died 4 times in the hospital. do the hike. don't ask anyone else for advice

susiegear
01-23-2016, 18:05
Thanks Lone Wolf. I was in rough shape in the hospital 3 years ago. To the point of the drs telling my wife to get any family(which they knew were all out of state) that would want to see me as soon as possible. When I made it out of the hospital a couple of weeks later I decided that I really needed to set my mind on doing the trail. I think being close to death really changed my perspective on living.

Traveler
01-23-2016, 18:32
Curious, would this medical condition impact your health on the trail?

susiegear
01-23-2016, 18:41
My hematologist gave me the go ahead. said I would be better to go sooner than later. I will have my meds with me and a Delorme inreach just for emergency sake.

Lone Wolf
01-23-2016, 18:54
when you startin'?

susiegear
01-23-2016, 19:14
March 18th

Lone Wolf
01-23-2016, 19:15
i'm gonna be down at springer around that time. maybe i'll run into you. you got a trail name?

susiegear
01-23-2016, 19:17
just Susie.... I make most of my gear.....susie homemaker.

Coffee
01-23-2016, 19:22
Also, I understand the tax hit. I will lose about 12,000$ in this whole deal.It is a lot of money but not really in the whole scheme of things. If I were losing 50k I would definitely think more about it but 13000 is not the end of the world

As long as the ramifications are known, that's what's important. Everyone has to do what they feel is the right thing. Lots of people don't understand the implications which is why I brought it up (I work w/investments and see alot of misunderstanding on this). Good luck with the hike!

Heliotrope
01-23-2016, 19:37
We are all in the same boat but some of us pretend to be immune to mortality. There is no doubt that if this is your dream then you are making a great choice to go now. What the heck you are doing is honoring your dream. I wish you an amazing adventure!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

MuddyWaters
01-23-2016, 20:39
If you have to cash out a retirement fund at 39 to obtain $6000, Im not sure what to say.

ld really say DONT EVER TOUCH RETIREMENT MONEY FOR ANY REASON UNTIL 65.

If you can actually afford to not be working, ...then work 1 or 2 month and save that money. You obviously should be able to save every cent you earn if dont need the income.

Your plan is to die early and leave life insurance for family.
What if you dont?

Medical expenses bankrupt people today. Can leave your spouse with nothing, or less.
Some older couples get divorced to protect assets for the other from long term illness.

Outside of an employers group insurance, i would think insurance with a known terminal condition would be priced accordingly. Life insurance is for when you are young and have family to provide for. As you get older an odds of dieing go up, it becomes prohibitively expensive to keep significant amounts. when you are older and have saved money, you dont need it anyway, its just a token amt most people have left.

Good luck to you just the same. Only you know details of your position. Indicating unusual things provokes critical examination, munus 99% of facts.

damskipi
01-23-2016, 23:01
Hi Susie,

TBH when you mentioned cashing out your retirement I was worried, I'm normally the one preaching to people about how important a retirement fund is. But people in my family tend to leave us early as well so I get what you are doing. As long as you've run the numbers and your wife is okay with the plan, I say go for it. Good luck and enjoy your hike!

somers515
01-23-2016, 23:16
Spending my retirement isn't so much my concern. Like I said, losing 12k isn't the end of the world.

Put me in the camp of thinking that's a horrible way to fund a long hike. Check out this blog for a little wisdom. http://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2013/02/22/getting-rich-from-zero-to-hero-in-one-blog-post/

You could probably EASILY save what you need for the hike without spending any money from your retirement. But we can't make you be concerned about it even if that's the most concerning part of your post. : )

I agree with Lone Wolf too - do the hike. We all wish you well.

susiegear
01-23-2016, 23:16
thank you damskipy. I have gone thru the numbers many times and will be set for the trip, money for the home life back here and for a number of months when I get back if needed. my wife is being very understanding about the whole deal. she is even taking me to Georgia and is planning on coming to visit twice along the way. i m super nervous but can't wait to get out there!

greygorilla
01-24-2016, 00:01
Take a deep breath and relax. Everything will work its way out in the end. Change never feels comfortable. I am 35 and in almost the same boat. I have a wife and children at home and will work my last day and head for the trail in late February. My priorities are in check and I would do nothing to put their security and well being in jeopardy. I have planned and saved so as to make my journey as easy as can be on both them and myself. If I make it a week or I make it to Katahdin makes no difference... At least I tried. It's the thought of never trying it that scares me more than leaving. As for the retirement well you do what you gotta do. The haters on here will always have something to say. Personally I think a retirement is an expensive dream that many people invest in and never get to enjoy. I've personally seen it stolen away from too many people due to health reasons. Live life while you still can. Good luck on your health and your hike!

jefals
01-24-2016, 00:25
Good luck Susie. I hope you have an awesome adventure

PackHorse
01-24-2016, 00:53
The haters on here will always have something to say. Personally I think a retirement is an expensive dream that many people invest in and never get to enjoy. I've personally seen it stolen away from too many people due to health reasons. Live life while you still can. Good luck on your health and your hike!

You know, if I had come with an expiration date, I would tend to agree with you.
I just want to continue to live the life I've become accustomed too! : )

Suzie... best of luck on your hike.

mtntopper
01-24-2016, 01:36
Something just don't sound right with your original post. None the less. Hope you have a wonderful trip. Wishing you the very best.


BTW I am not a hater as someone mentioned in a post.

cneill13
01-24-2016, 09:46
Sounds like you are having an early mid-life crisis.

The question you need to answer is, "What are you running away from?"

Carl

Traillium
01-24-2016, 09:57
Sounds like you are having an early mid-life crisis.

The question you need to answer is, "What are you running away from?"

Carl

Perhaps he's very aware of his medical issues and the coming shortness of his life — as he pointed out in one of his responses …

I'm motivated to thruhike our local Bruce Trail for somewhat related reasons. I've got prostate cancer, so far non-aggressive and non-invasive. My wife encourages me to do what I've long-dreamed of doing: following Spring north through my home province.

Seems a perfectly valid set of circumstances for the OP and explains so much! And curiously underscores what seems like the churlish shallowness of several (fortunately few!) responders.

Hike your own hike, Susie! I'm with you!



Bruce Traillium

George
01-24-2016, 16:20
Doubt? Fear? Guilt? Lone Wolf? Does not compute.

all part of the kinder gentler LW

New England Guy
01-27-2016, 00:55
Susiegear, I am in a very similar situation as far as employment goes. I'm giving up a stable position in a great environment with suportive co-workers. I do have the ability to return in 6 months if I so desire, and probably will. I have been having days that I am so exited I can't wait to leave, and days where I question my own sanity! Am I really going to do this? Shouldn't I be focussing on my career? I am still very much in my earning years (we're the same age). I don't think I have ever experienced anxiety to this extent in my life. The AT for me has been a life long dream. I was born and raised on Lebanon St. in Hanover, NH, literally grew up ON the trail. "Thru-hiker" has been in my vocabulary since I was about 5 years old. I distinctly remember asking my Mother where were the big smelly man with backpacks and beards going? I told myself that I would make an attempt before I turned 30, now I'm staring down the barrel of 40, the stars have aligned, and all that's left for me is to just go! As bad as the anxiety is at the moment, I think the regret that would accompany a decission to not go would feel 10 times worse than what I'm going through at the moment. If this is something that you too have been dreaming about, and the Doc is giving you the green light, go for it! What do you have lose?? Hopefully, the only thing there is to lose is the samething for both of us, the regret of not going. Hope to cross paths with you on the trail. Until then...

wannabe88
01-28-2016, 21:20
wat a bunch of idiots. when somebody wants to do somethin u got to let them do it. moneys not everything.

I'm quitting my dungeon job, i got no life, hardly enough money but ****kkk itttt

i think u got to be crazy in the first place to want to try this so once again ****k itttt goin in april

Pajj
01-28-2016, 22:03
Hey man Last year before I started the AT I felt the same way. I had basically no backpacking experience other than what I'd learned in scouts. I felt sick the whole way to Georgia, I remember the morning I started I felt like I was going to vomit. I wanted nothing more than to go back home and forget about the trail. As soon as I started hiking all my nerves turned into sheer excitement.
It's normal to feel nervous, it would be weird not to. You are about to leave behind everything you know for 6 months and embark on the adventure of a lifetime, and you are going to love every second of it. It's gonna suck when it rains or the trail is difficult but you'll still love it. You'll make friends with tons of people on your first night. Before long the trail will seem like home to you and you'll be excited but nervous about going back to the real world, the same as you're feeling now. We're only human. Enjoy your hike

aka.cyberman
02-06-2016, 07:38
Put one foot in front of the other and don't look back.

mml373
02-13-2016, 01:01
I don't feel that taking my retirement is irresponsible at all, nor does my wife. I did not mention in my first post but I have a health condition that will probably not allow me to get to the age to retire. It should not affect my hiking right now but might in the future. I also don't think of this as a mid life crisis or anything like that. I'm pretty happy in my life other than my job. I have a great family, get to go on great adventures fairly frequently, although they are much shorter trips, and am overall pretty content with things. The first time I saw the trail I was 13 years old and have had a strong interest in it ever since. I have been training for the last couple of years on the SHT in Minnesota. I am only taking off the time between quitting my job and heading for the trail to finish up my retirement paperwork and get that all finalized and spend time out of state with family. They say 4-6 weeks for the retirement stuff. I'm ready to hit the trail today but just have to finish up some loose ends on the home front.

You only live once, and good on ya for doing this while you still can. The finances will settle themselves out, in time.

Me: competitive runner coming off an awesome racing season last year. Fell out of a tree in September (rescuing my daughter, successfully for her) and not sure I'll run again any time soon...not to mention thru hike...due to deep muscle injuries to a hamstring/piriformis and back. These will take 6 months to a year to heal.

We must enjoy the time we have, and take advantage of opportunities while we can. You will learn to resolve issues while on the trail, and I can tell there are many resources available near the trail to help you in that regard. If you want to see some great videos from an experienced through hiker, check out entitypub's 2015 hike videos on YouTube (search entitypub 2015 AT hike or something similar.) These will help build confidence.

You are about to embark on a great adventure! Can't wait for my first opportunity to go...a few years away yet.

firesign
02-13-2016, 05:25
[QUOTE=susiegear;2035458]So I have 8 days of work left and less than 2 months and I will be on Springer Mountain and it is all getting very real. Deep down I am confident in my decisions to end up in this situation but it is starting to freak me out a bit. I have a fair job with great benefits and retirement. 6 years with the company. I am cashing out my retirement to fund this trip. My wife is being supportive overall and my kids are out of the house and into college. My wife's job will cover my health insurance and my job told me I would be welcomed back in the future (not that I really want to go back, its a huge company with far too much politics) but its nice to know I can go back. I'm 39 and never expect to have a "career" so I'm OK with having a gap in my employment.
So I feel like I'm in the perfect situation, wife is OK with it, job welcomes me back, I have the money.....why is there almost a panic in my brain? I am hoping that once work is finished I can just focus on getting all of the last minute stuff together and getting to the trail.
Anyone else going thru this? I expected a bit of nervousness but not to this extreme. I have left before for weeks at a time for different trips, backpacking, canoeing, and bicycle touring but it did not feel like this. I was always on "vacation" and had a set date to return to work. I have no definitive time to be back. Anyone have any advice? Thanks![/training

A thru hike is a massive sacrifice in more ways than one. Stack the odds in your favour for success from the outset and use the two months to start training for reality; conditioning your mind and body for 4-6 months of hiking every day. Achieve this training/conditioning and there is no fear because you will have gone through the unknown and will know your capabilities. Fear is just the unknown. I wish you the best of luck on your adventure.

bemental
02-13-2016, 11:13
I'll be stepping off from Springer on the first of March.

I'm a medically retired Marine who's seen combat firsthand.

Even I have butterflies. And this is my second attempt!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Han Sobo
03-13-2016, 20:58
Good voyages to you as I hope you see this through.

One of the first comments pointed out that society is in conflict to such a journey as you are setting off on and while that is mostly true I also must disagree to a smaller degree on this. (not his / her exact words)

There once was a right of passage called in English a 'Walk about' in which a young man would be cast out of his tribe to live by their own means for a year before they rejoined their tribe as a functional and accepted adult. Now this practice would of course have child protective services up your bung hole faster then... well very fast!

In our modern society we tend to look at sending our kids off to college as this new stage of growing from the child to the adult. Not a very comparable transition. We as humans tend to fear the unknown and this trip for you must surely have many factors that would qualify as the unknown. I wont ask for any specifics but these factors are what I think is creating the 'stress' - 'anxiety' I am not sure if even these words fit your situation exactly.

I must say that if you have not had the chance to spend a month sleeping under the stars and experiencing the freedom of wandering a trail on a journey of this magnitude. That unhurried pace of life in which the basics become the only deciding factors on what your priorities are. Then you really need to do this while your health is in good order. I am sure the other worries and or concerns will melt away with in the first few days. It is highly unlikely that you will get such a chance again.

We may not have had as the Aborigines of Australia a right of passage so clearly defined as their 'Walk About' but.. I do believe you can find much of the same meaning in taking a vacation of this proportion away from everything that has been your life up until now. The beauty is that you will go back to it, your home, your family, maybe even your job.. Changed, I doubt for the worse.

I hope you do follow through for as far as you can. I can understand the whole view of asking yourself "What the hell am I doing?" Seems my life's mantra at times.

In another culture they had a symbol to represent the unknown and it was represented by the meaning: (sorta a rectangular circle)

"The true warrior steps empty handed into the void" - rough translation

I am hoping you wont be 'empty handed' unless you can stomach boiled tree bark. Maybe I will see you in passing.

dedwarmo
03-13-2016, 21:39
I quit my over-the-road trucking job on February 25th. I have no wife or kids. I have no retirement account. I'm 47 years old. I'm having a friend drop me off near Bland, VA which is 124 miles from where I'm staying. I have no rent, no mortgage. I put all my stuff in a storage unit. I've never hiked more than 8 miles in a day. I've never carried more than four days' worth of food in my backpack. I will hike northbound to my first re-supply. That's as far into the future as I can look.

4eyedbuzzard
03-14-2016, 08:29
Maybe too late for the OP to consider this, but as his mortgage is almost paid off, it would seem to be a better plan to take out a HELOC (home equity line of credit) and draw on that money as needed to fund the hike. Interest rates on HELOCS are as low as 3.25%, there's no tax penalty on early distribution of retirement account, it's not taxed as income, interest on the HELOC is possibly tax deductible, he'd only take what he needed when he needed it (let's be realistic 80% don't finish). Cashing out a retirement account at age 39, even with a life expectancy of 15 to 20 more years, just isn't the most cost effective way of funding a hike.