View Full Version : PA trail offers free WiFi

04-01-2016, 09:45
Huntingdon, PA (Apr 1)- Mid State Trail Association, in cooperation with Pennsylvania Game Commission, announces the availability of free WiFi for Mid State Trail hikers, initially on Sections 2 and 3 of Pennsylvania’s longest and wildest footpath near Everett, Bedford County.

Last February 30, the Department of Materials Science and Engineering, in the College of Earth and Material Sciences at Penn State University, announced a breakthrough in achieving radio frequency resonance with quartz crystals uniquely found in the Silurian Tuscarora formation. Although an initial experiment resulted in damaged test equipment and a report of a toasted “television” in the trail near campus, later experiments verified the precise angle of rock sharpening required for both 2.4G and 5G WiFi retransmission.

Connection of these WiFi points to the larger Internet required exploiting the molecular memory of melted sandstone mined by U.S. Silica and embedded in fiber optic trunk lines installed worldwide and manufactured by Corning, Inc. at Addison, NY. The exact retransmission protocol remains classified.

MSTA volunteers spent all last winter sharpening the rooster combs of Sections 2 and 3 to the proper level of sharpness identified by the Penn State researchers. Several backpackers, none of whom gave their real names, expressed delight at selection to beta test the new network, explaining that to millennials neither water nor legal campsites are needed as much as free WiFi.

The open WiFi network uses state of the art T-Cubed security. Any use of “outdated colonial” units in packets processed by the network will immediately ban the user device’s IP address for life. In addition, sniffer units, cleverly disguised as raccoons, will police the network and report any apparent violation of Game Commission regulations to the proper authorities.

Prospective system users need only to enable the T-Cubed security protocol, then initiate a search for network ID “April Fools.”

04-01-2016, 09:53
I got about to the point of
MSTA volunteers spent all last winter sharpening the rooster combs


04-01-2016, 10:25
Is this going to be password protected ,and, if so, where do I get a password?

Also, does this mean I won't need my maps or guide on my FKT hike since I will be able to e-mail for directions at turns?

04-01-2016, 10:27
I hate April Fool's Day so much. Good one though.

04-01-2016, 10:49
Is this going to be password protected ,and, if so, where do I get a password?

Not needed if you drink a minimum of 1 L of water from Jack's Spring or Keith Spring. If there were springs on sections 2 and 3, those would have been good too.

04-01-2016, 11:02
If I walk like an Egyptian just right I can get the "Amos an Andy" show from my fillings. holy mackerel.

04-01-2016, 14:26
Beautiful! Wi-Fi is a basic human right! Light up the AT next!!!

03-31-2017, 22:56
Huntingdon, PA (Apr 1)-Mid State Trail Association announces that free WiFi availability, hitherto limited to the sharpest rocks in the Everett Region, has now been extended to the portions of Sections 10 and 11 of Pennsylvania’s longest and wildest footpath close to the crossing of PA Route 45 on the Centre/Union county line, between Millheim and Laurelton.

“Last year’s free WiFi was dependent on exact angles of rock sharpening and required the availability of massive beds of the Silurian Tuscarora formation around Everett,” according to MSTA’s chief connectivity officer, Edison Tesla. “This year, we found we were able to extend the T-Cubed technology to smaller rocks, but for some reason only in a limited locale.” Ed denied a as “mere coincidence” any connection to the AT&T transcontinental cable crossing MST 0.07 km south of PA Route 45.

Not all are happy with what some call an intrusion on the wilderness experience. Local hermit ‘Hairy John’ Vonada threatened hikers who tarry for hours in the hotspot with expulsion from what he emphatically called “his” woods. “Look at that big sign over there!” he said to bolster his case. Vonada denounced as “fake news” persistent reports that he had been interred in a Madisonburg cemetery for 139 years, or rumors that he had killed his first wife.

Vonada also complained that his Nokia phone had been banned for life from the hotspot after referring to “inches” of snow received at his hermitage, due to the T-Cubed technology weeding out quaintly outdated units of measure. He said he found this newfangled metric system hard to adapt to, citing his 1802 birth.

As with the initial phase, hikers seeking free WiFi on MST need only to search for network ID “April Fools.”