Afraid of men

[gracebowen]

Ok so the title says alot. I have an irrational level of fear for men. I have had far more negative experiences with men than positive ones. Including the kinds if incidents that land men in jail.

I am mature enough also to realize that most of my fear is possibly irrational.

Kinda like the example of someone getting bit by a dog so now they are afraid of dogs. Or people that have negative expierences with cops hate/mistrust cops. I don't hate men.

In many ways I am doing better but I still have issues. Rationality says when I hike if a man wants to split a hotel he just wants to save money. Fear says yeah but what if.

I also have common sense. If Im being pink blazed and he keeps making suggestive remarks uh no we cant share a room.

From what I understand I will be outnumbered on the trail.

Also many men say its easier to hitch with a woman. Speaking if hitching getting in a car where I am the only female would worry me period.

Pary of the reason I want to hike is to restore my faith in people.

So my question is do y'all have any tips for me? Words of wisdom? Coping mechanisms?
Again please realize I know that I will be fairly safe out there and not every man I encounter wants to hurt me probably none but I cant help the fear.

Its been about 20 years since the last incident and yet I still have issues. Please be nice. Guys I am not trying to offend you.

[gracebowen]

I brought up hitchhiking to point out that I know men have difficulties because of not being trusted by women. I know the trust issue affects men too.

[DuneElliot]

A couple of things that might help. One, carry pepper spray, and especially bear spray....kinda dual purpose...but will give you some peace of mind that you have a way to protect yourself. Two, take some self-defense classes and learn as much as you can about what it takes to protect yourself. Three, have you received help from a psychiatrist to work through these issues?

[la.lindsey]

Have you seen a therapist? Because this sounds like something that should probably be addressed by a professional and not a lot of dudes on the internet (I am not a dude, but 90% of the responses will be from dudes).

I do a lot of section hiking alone and I've had the good fortune to fall in with some really stellar guys (and girls) during my hikes. I've also fallen in with some not so stellar guys, and frankly, I just don't know what to tell you. A lot of these situations are going to depend on how you handle them, so you're going to have to have a lot of faith in your abilities to stand up for yourself and take a risk in saying no, because in my experience, you don't always know you're in a weird situation until it's happening, and then as we all know, saying no at that point is risky.

If *you* think you're ready for that, then hike. If you don't, then seek counseling outside the Internet. Seriously. I love the Internet but it is not great for serious issues like this. I know what it's like to have that sense of panic, even just a little, and I wouldn't want to be plagued by that on the trail.

For words of comfort: you will be outnumbered, but you won't be alone. Hike with women. Hike with gay men, if that helps (I'm assuming by your name that you're a woman).

You prepare your gear for the trail, you (maybe) prepare physically for the trail, and in this case I would encourage you to prepare mentally by seeking professional help. Not just for the trail but for the rest of your life, too.

I wish you all the best, and hope that your hike is everything you want it to be.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[penny b]

Being a female here I can understand your fears and concerns of hiking the trail and many men out there. I take self-defence classes now and for the past 5 years and i can say it has given me more self-confidence in things I never thought before I could do let alone strive to be able to. The issues in the past of men may always stay with you and it is good to keep those in the back of your mind but try not to let them overwhelm you and prevent you from living and reaching your goals in life. I would suggest therapy if you haven't already done that .... and take self-defence classes. To know you have the ability to defend yourself is so powerful for a woman.

I wont lie I can see me as excited as all get out to face the AT trailhead in Georgia in a few years and hoping my daughter will join me but at first until I got my trail legs and bearings will be a bit nervous and skeptical of those around me, not of just men but everyone out there. I do believe there's s good in all out there but there are always those few. Always be safe and as I have been told in my classes " don't allow yourself to become a victim!" avoid those situations. I hope that helps you some. and as always GOOD LUCK with everything !

[bigcranky]

Have you seen a therapist? Because this sounds like something that should probably be addressed by a professional and not a lot of dudes on the internet (I am not a dude, but 90% of the responses will be from dudes).

As a dude on the internet, and also the father of a mid-twenties daughter, I would agree with this 100%.

[orthofingers]

Are you planning a thru hike or are you speaking of hiking in general? The reason I ask is that if you're doing a thru, particularly a NOBO in the bubble, you'll be surrounded by lots of people and you'll get to know who you can trust in your "hiker family" and who might be suspect. If you're hiking solo on more remote trails especially out of season I'd say you're going to be on high alert every time you come in contact with a male.

There was a discussion I think in the women's section here on WB titled " how do you spot a creeper?" Or something like that. A read through that might give you some help.

[One Half]

You stated you have "an irrational fear of men" due to incidences in your past. And as a woman I tried to put myself in your shoes but can't as there are really no serious incidences in my past though a few creepy moments and maybe a little worse.

Normally I would encourage a woman, and anyone really, to trust their instincts. I once read a great book called The Gift of Fear by Gavin Debecker. It is a series of true stories of women who had been attacked and ignored their fear when they first encountered the man. In every story they KNEW there was something wrong with the situation but they ignored their instincts. We are basically taught as women to ignore our fear. That it's irrational. That if someone is trying to help you carry your groceries and you refuse, you're a bitch. I know a man whose sister was killed by Manson who used the ruse of having a broken arm to ask for help loading his groceries into his car and then while she was helping him he knocked her out and then killed her eventually. The attack and kidnapping happened in broad daylight in a grocery store parking lot. (Not to cause you more fears). So listening to your fears can save your life. Or they can cripple you.

I don't know to what level your fear actually extends. There really are some creepy dudes out there. Some of them don't realize they are creepy and have no serious intent to harm women but many do. And you should not have to put up with feeling uncomfortable in order to accomplish/attempt something you want to do. But it really is a level of how uncomfortable you are around men. Personally I would never share a hotel room with a man I didn't know from before the trail, no matter how well we were getting along.

I do know that guys can "attempt to help" women on the trail and really become overbearing while they think they are being helpful. They seem to forget that we are independent beings and just as capable as the average male hiker, no more or less likely to fail or succeed without their "help." And yeah, sometimes that comes off as creepy too and can set off the alarms.

I don't know what to tell you. Should you stay or should you go? Only you can know if you are ready to attempt it, and I don't think the distance is your biggest obstacle.

[MuddyWaters]

I think you have a highly skewed view of the world that is incorrect, created by something in your past.

You should seek help.

Most men would put themselves in harms way to help or protect you, even if they dont know you.

Unless your just a real arsehole

Its difficult to have more negative interactions with people than positive by chance alone. Even in a prison.

[Mountain Bluebird]

You have a lot on your plate. It takes time to get to a place of balance with and distance from any fear or nagging concern. And you can't put that healing and growing process on a timeline or schedule. Of all the advice above, I recommend finding another hiking companion as the best alternative. Start hiking with a companion before you are at 100% of balance and equanimity about these concerns. You might find that you are never 100% ready to go solo. Or sola!

This past summer I hiked a section of the AT--Shenandoah NP--with my sister. We had a better hike because we could figure out feelings about choices simply by talking with each other. And moreover, she saw things coming at us while I still didn't even have a clue. Like breaking camp and me starting off in the wrong direction! She figured that out immediately. I could have gone on for a mile or two before catching on. Yes, I am 71 and my sister is younger, stronger, and in better shape. Hiking with her made the whole thing possible. And months earlier I thought I would be just fine doing it solo.

I think you would like to hike with a companion you can trust. Going solo for days on end can be a little hard for some folks. Perhaps you are not one of them. I thought I was not one of them--until being on the AT for 3 weeks.

May the AT be a blessing for you!

[Bowzman7]

I think a option to help you get on the trail for the experience of a lifetime could be to go to the meet up sight and try to find someone willing to start the hike with you. Talk to them on the phone and maybe meet them personally ahead of time. Good luck. I hope you get to experience your dream

[rocketsocks]

Get straightend out before you do a long hike, you'll have a better time.

[lambsknoll]

There is basically no chance you will encounter a homocidal maniac on the trail. However, you will likely encounter d-bags with their mansplaining and know-it-all-isms (here and on the trail). But God love them. They're harmless.

[dudeijuststarted]

If you still have issues, pursue therapy first. It will be more enlightening to you than your hike.

[Puddlefish]

I'm a guy, and can only share anecdotes of my spring hike that you might find helpful.

I'm not the most sociable person in the world. As I started off, I didn't know anyone. Then I bumped into a few people hiking more or less the same speed, repeatedly just exchanging Hellos initially, and started talking with them, maybe about gear, where the next water source was, all those little trail things you have in common, and sometimes you got to know the person a bit better. For me, it was the perfect way to very gradually socialize, as I'm not one to rush in and be your best friend within minutes kind of guy.

I ended up hiking with a really nice older gentleman, who was far nicer and sociable than I was. We ended up befriending a young lady who had spent her entire hike absolutely solo, talking to no one before she talked to us. Later, at the top of a long climbing day, there was an even steeper ridge that I was absolutely loving with the views, and the technical challenge, and I was fairly giddy. I chatted with a grumpy looking woman who caught up with me, and she walked away seemingly in a better mood. I never saw her again, but I like to think I improved her hike that day. I thought that was one of the great things about the trail, in that there were certain people I was glad that I met and felt like I might have impacted positively.

There were far more people who I met that impacted me positively. I was whining in town about the horrible nights sleep I got, and the guy I was whining to, just refused to join me in my negativity, he ended up cheering me up. A lot of people really made an effort to include everyone in the area in the conversation. There wasn't all that much cliquishness that you'd expect between people of different ages. It was nice to see.

Overall, people really seemed to look out for each other, no matter the age, the sex, the trail experience. Just great people overall. In fairness, I did meet one guy who I thought was kind of a creep, but that one one out of hundreds.

[FreeGoldRush]

Oddly enough, I have the same concern about bears who look at me like they will be sharing my tent. And I'd never split a hotel room with a bear no matter how cute he was. I'm hoping that facing some fears on the trail will not be as uncomfortable as never having done so. We'll see.

[ScareBear]

I think until you have processed whatever bad stuff has happened in your past, hiking "to restore your faith in people" is not such a great idea. As long as your fears are excessive or irrational, the issues that are causing these fears won't be resolved by hiking the AT on a thru-hike. Some here have suggested getting some help. It seems like you've been a victim to violence by men on more than one occasion and that can cause PTSD. If you haven't worked through your PTSD, the AT may not be the ideal place to try and do so. But, whatever you do, just hike your own hike. Do it for you and don't let anyone get in your way of getting it done. Including yourself. Just sayin...

[Puddlefish]

I think until you have processed whatever bad stuff has happened in your past, hiking "to restore your faith in people" is not such a great idea. As long as your fears are excessive or irrational, the issues that are causing these fears won't be resolved by hiking the AT on a thru-hike. Some here have suggested getting some help. It seems like you've been a victim to violence by men on more than one occasion and that can cause PTSD. If you haven't worked through your PTSD, the AT may not be the ideal place to try and do so. But, whatever you do, just hike your own hike. Do it for you and don't let anyone get in your way of getting it done. Including yourself. Just sayin...

I hiked for a few days with a guy who stated he was hiking to walk away his PTSD from the war, and that he didn't want to talk about the war. So, he then proceeded to talk non stop about the war, despite every effort of mine to change the subject. :(

[nsherry61]

I think you have the right attitude toward this I think challenging yourself on a hike sounds like a great experience.

To help me manage my fears, I would take a trusted friend.

If you don't have a trusted friend that is interested in backpacking, maybe working on developing some hiking friendships on shorter hikes with less commitment would be helpful.

[LittleTim]

Oddly enough, I have the same concern about bears who look at me like they will be sharing my tent. And I'd never split a hotel room with a bear no matter how cute he was. I'm hoping that facing some fears on the trail will not be as uncomfortable as never having done so. We'll see.

Another parallel with bears is sometimes a chance encounter with an ornery bear results in a fake charge (so I've heard). And the absolutely worst thing to do is run, like you're prey, cause that will engage the bear's preditory instinct and end up attacked (so I've heard).

Yes, there will be predatory people out there, but the best defense is situational awareness. You're not going to find self confidence on the trail, so cross that bridge first. Focus on your confidence, take multiple day hikes with a trusted friend or three, then maybe a few overnight trips with friends and maybe work up to a day trip where you're ahead of your friend by a few hundred feet.

Everyone has different trail experiences, I enjoy solitude, some enjoy a loosely knit trail family, some travel in packs (usually 3-6), so chances are you can tag along with a mixed bag of hikers and ensure not to 'find yourself in a risky situation' quite as easily as going solo.

But as stated earlier, there's enough psychological stresses that can bring your hike to an end, it would be best to do whatever you need to do to start with a blank slate and stay on a positive track.

Hope to see you out there when you're ready.

[Wolf - 23000]

Gracebowen,

The woods can be a healing experience if you let it. Normal hiking in the woods is a very safe experience. Most men and women are out there to just enjoy nature. I'm not telling you anything you don't know. It also doesn't change your fears. My suggestion is this, there are many places to hike long-distance. I would not recommend hiking one of the popular trails such as the AT or PCT until you feel like your ready. Instead, consider hiking one of the less popular trails such as the Superior Hiking Trail or The Pacific Northwest Trail. When you feel like you are ready you can hike something such as the AT or PCT. Most members have hiked the AT but there are also many who have also have adventures hiking other trails as well.

I hope this helps.

V/R

Wolf

[AfterParty]

Find a couple to hike with. You can have some protection from the pink blazers and not be hit on within your trail family.

[Traffic Jam]

..........

[MamaBear]

In many ways I am doing better but I still have issues. Rationality says when I hike if a man wants to split a hotel he just wants to save money. Fear says yeah but what if.

I also have common sense. If Im being pink blazed and he keeps making suggestive remarks uh no we cant share a room.

From what I understand I will be outnumbered on the trail.

Also many men say its easier to hitch with a woman. Speaking if hitching getting in a car where I am the only female would worry me period.


First, I do agree with the other posters who suggested that if you have not addressed these issues with a professional, then you should do so. I also agree with the suggestion of self defense classes. My daughter took one and it helped her confidence, plus gave her real solutions to remain in control of a variety of situations.

Second, I will speak to a couple of the concerns you raised in the quote above. If you are hiking with others you do not have to share a hotel room. It is nice to save money, no doubt, but you do not have to do anything you feel uncomfortable doing. I hiked mainly with two guys when I hiked the AT. With the exception of a hostels where there were shared accommodations, we always got separate hotel rooms. We all had spouses at home and we all needed some personal space anyway, so it worked out.

On the AT, there is not as much hitching involved as some of the other long trails. In fact, you could probably do it without hitching at all. AWOL's guide has the low down on shuttle options, plus the ATC publishes a list of shuttlers. It will take some extra money, planning and calling around, but shuttles are a good option. I can only think of once that I hitched on the AT and it was tough hitch, female or not and yes, there actually was a place to stay at the road crossing but we opted for somewhere else. Besides shuttles, you might strike up a conversation with day/section hikers or even trail magic angels at a road crossing/trailhead. Sometimes they are willing to give a ride into town. One of the guys got us a ride outside of Monson, ME that way. If you are concerned about riding with men, pick a couple or women. Again, you do not have to do something you are not comfortable with.

I hope that helps a little bit and that you can get out an enjoy the AT or any backpacking adventure.

[Secondmouse]

Ok so the title says alot. I have an irrational level of fear for men. I have had far more negative experiences with men than positive ones. Including the kinds if incidents that land men in jail.

I am mature enough also to realize that most of my fear is possibly irrational.

Kinda like the example of someone getting bit by a dog so now they are afraid of dogs. Or people that have negative expierences with cops hate/mistrust cops. I don't hate men.

In many ways I am doing better but I still have issues. Rationality says when I hike if a man wants to split a hotel he just wants to save money. Fear says yeah but what if.

I also have common sense. If Im being pink blazed and he keeps making suggestive remarks uh no we cant share a room.

From what I understand I will be outnumbered on the trail.

Also many men say its easier to hitch with a woman. Speaking if hitching getting in a car where I am the only female would worry me period.

Pary of the reason I want to hike is to restore my faith in people.

So my question is do y'all have any tips for me? Words of wisdom? Coping mechanisms?
Again please realize I know that I will be fairly safe out there and not every man I encounter wants to hurt me probably none but I cant help the fear.

Its been about 20 years since the last incident and yet I still have issues. Please be nice. Guys I am not trying to offend you.

I mean this in the most honest and caring way possible but have you tried or considered professional help? I can't imagine what a burden it is to go through life this way and I wish you the best...

[Bronk]

You'll only rarely find yourself alone with one male. You'll make friends quickly out there. Hikers look out for each other.

[SkeeterPee]

Do you have a hiking club near you? Ours has lots of local hikes with lots of men and women. Perhaps you may be able to find a hiking partner with a similar group. Also there are backpacking trips several times a year so you could get experience in a group setting with people you know and again perhaps find a trail partner.

[gracebowen]

I think you have a highly skewed view of the world that is incorrect, created by something in your past.

You should seek help.

Most men would put themselves in harms way to help or protect you, even if they dont know you.

Unless your just a real arsehole

Its difficult to have more negative interactions with people than positive by chance alone. Even in a prison.

When you learn at 7 not to trust men its not so hard. By the time I was 16 I was actively avoiding males. Around 20 some healing had happened and I met someone and got married.

That turned out to be a neutral encounter. He earned my trust but treated me like a child.

When I said more negative than positive I was only referring to diinteractional interaction.

Casual conversations in public and social events fall into the neutral category.

[gracebowen]

only referring to diinteractional interaction.

Direct personal interaction.

[gracebowen]

I have had some therapy and counseling. The prevailing medical opinion is I am coping well and further therapy is not needed.

My personal thought is its time for a little well the word escapes me. Its time to expose myself to percieved scary situations to learn from new experiences that its not that bad after all.

A few years ago a new family joined our church. The husband would alyaws put his arm around my shoulder when he talked to me. Drove me nuts at first even though I knew he meant no harm. He was breaking a cultural norm though so he eventually stopped. A few weeks ago he accidentallt brushed me in an inappropriate way. I knew it was an accident and it didnt bother me.

I should have said titled this thread unreasonably afraid of men I dont know. The men I know socially I am not afraid of them.

I am going to thru hike the first chance I get. Passing men on the trail and casual encounters I think I can handle ok.

The thing is I am sure that at some point a guy is going to notice that I am quite uneasy around him just because hes a he. Then he will feel uncomfortable. Not sure how to handle that.

Its not their fault its mine.

[MuddyWaters]

Being afraid of half the population of the planet is still not where you want to be. Being cautious is fine .

Usually insecure solo women will say " im waiting for my friends" when they meet strange men on trail that stop to chat. Every hiker knows this tact, and it actually means shes alone and apprehensive, especially when dude looks and smells like homeless bum. So you say good day and continue on your way. Normal people sense when someones not comfortable and give them space . Of course theres harmless social retards too that dont pick up cues. Eventually they get over this and only use this tact when their spidey-sense tingles....which is usually not with other long distance hikers.

Heres the thing...you cant go thru life afraid. You cant be afraid of failing. You cant be afraid of dieing in car wreck. You cant be afraid of getting Zika, west nile, or lyme. You cant be afraid of getting eaten by bear, or falling and breaking leg. You cant be afraid of being harmed by another person. If the worst happens to you, it happens, and its not in your control once you have excercised prudent precautions. Chances are overwhelming...youll be fine...so dont sweat things. Make decision to enjoy your time out there, not live in fear. This is 100% your choice to make.

[Puddlefish]

The thing is I am sure that at some point a guy is going to notice that I am quite uneasy around him just because hes a he. Then he will feel uncomfortable. Not sure how to handle that.

Its not their fault its mine.

As a feminist father who raised two awesome daughters to adulthood, I can only suggest that you not to worry a great deal about fault or about making men uncomfortable. Those of us who are half way intelligent fully realize that you're acting the way you are for a valid reason. There are a lot of people in the world we'll just never be comfortable with, that's pretty standard for everyone, not just you.

Again, anecdotally... I noticed a lot more of the "my husband is scouting out campsites ahead" and "I'm waiting for a friend" stuff, early in my hike. I knew it was a polite social fiction, and I immediately gave them space. As I hiked along, occasionally bumping into each other over the course of days or weeks, the same women apparently noticed that I was harmless and eventually started talking to me and we all seemed to enjoy our hikes... or, we hiked at different paces and never saw each other again.

That said, people aren't Borg, there will be a percentage of people who piss you off on your hike. I'm a guy and I met one old rambling guy who made me feel unsafe. Fortunately, he was a really slow hiker, and I was able to quickly leave him in the dust.

[Dogwood]

Irrationality will be manifested in a variety of situations and locations. This isn't a trail thing. You're conflicted as a result of irrational thinking. You even know it. You even wrote it. You also know through vast examples of your own direct personal interactions with men/males the vast majority are positive. Think about your many various daily and weekly encounters with males that result in positive encounters. They are the norm. And, if they aren't the norm make them the norm. Not all direct personal encounters, whether they be with the same or opposite sex, are relationships built on hidden agendas. Encounters and relationships can be forged in, built on love, love in the sense of agape or philia love not eros love! Seek out those who will relate to you, men in particular, BUT WITH EVERYONE, based on non eros love, those that seek to uplift and empower rather than be psychic energy stealing vampires. Likewise YOU treat others in the same way by walking in non eros love, seeking to uplift, and empower. I tell you those walking in agape and philia love are spiritual forces that attract to each other. If you walk in that state you will attract others to you also in that state.

Find men, and foster relationships and encounters, that are not based on coping(putting up with) phobias or irrational thinking. Seek to overcome and BE RECOVERED FROM phobias and "stinking thinking" not mask the symptoms of such in the momentary current situation.

Big beautiful world, in vast abundance....IF you're willing to see it, embrace it, experience it!

[Dogwood]

Remember the vast majority of direct personal interactions aren't predicated upon eros or abuse. And, if you're having a hard time recognizing that what might that say about your associations?

[Secondmouse]

I have had some therapy and counseling. The prevailing medical opinion is I am coping well and further therapy is not needed.

My personal thought is its time for a little well the word escapes me. Its time to expose myself to percieved scary situations to learn from new experiences that its not that bad after all.

A few years ago a new family joined our church. The husband would alyaws put his arm around my shoulder when he talked to me. Drove me nuts at first even though I knew he meant no harm. He was breaking a cultural norm though so he eventually stopped. A few weeks ago he accidentallt brushed me in an inappropriate way. I knew it was an accident and it didnt bother me.

I should have said titled this thread unreasonably afraid of men I dont know. The men I know socially I am not afraid of them.

I am going to thru hike the first chance I get. Passing men on the trail and casual encounters I think I can handle ok.

The thing is I am sure that at some point a guy is going to notice that I am quite uneasy around him just because hes a he. Then he will feel uncomfortable. Not sure how to handle that.

Its not their fault its mine.

I get it. I'm glad you have had help in the past and are not trying to gut it out alone. I think your level of coping is pretty good at this point and hoping you continue your improvement.

it's difficult to put into words what I get from immersing myself in the outdoors but increased self awareness and reliance leading to confidence is a pretty good summation. if you've never done a long hike before, it could be liberating, in the best possible way.

good luck...

[rashamon12]

As stated by another user things to build your self confidence and ability to trust yourself in any uncomfortable situation is important. I recommend self defence classes and also trusting your instincts. Majority of the time the men you will run across will be nice and just looking for someone to talk to and or hike with. If you ever get a feeling just move on and things should be fine. Sometimes an item like a decent knife or bear spray for bears/humans would help. The biggest thing though is the self confidence because without it things get tricky to deal with it. Being in a group of people you can trust may help too. Just ideas and food for thought!

[H I T C H]

As a dude on the internet, and also the father of a mid-twenties daughter, I would agree with this 100%.

QFT I too would recommend you seek the advice of a health care professional.

[RockDoc]

As someone who has been bit by dogs more than once while out walking, I understand completely.
Not unrational at all.
People think that I'm overreacting when I freak out about their dogs, but it actually makes perfect sense based on my painful experiences.
Telling me that "she doesn't bite..." doesn't work. Sure, she doesn't bite you! But what about me?

[SWODaddy]

I have had some therapy and counseling. The prevailing medical opinion is I am coping well and further therapy is not needed.



WADR, the questions you're asking would still seem more appropriate for a therapist.

[Traveler]

I have had some therapy and counseling. The prevailing medical opinion is I am coping well and further therapy is not needed.

To echo the above comment, the questions you ask coupled with your other comments make me question the validity of that diagnosis. Would this "medical opinion" include approval of your plan to place yourself in circumstances that challenge your preconceptions? Is their belief that no further counseling is needed demonstrated by their encouragement to do this?

If you opt to do this and have an event of some type at a time and place where there is no immediate relief, it is really not being fair to yourself, nor to those around you who do not have a clue of your condition who would likely be exposed to it if things don't work out.

I too would suggest finding a different therapist or counselor and get a second opinion prior to putting yourself into a position you cannot easily withdraw from. That way you know for sure it is an acceptable level of risk and have some level of professional advice in how to approach it.

[Traffic Jam]

As someone who has been bit by dogs more than once while out walking, I understand completely.
Not unrational at all.
People think that I'm overreacting when I freak out about their dogs, but it actually makes perfect sense based on my painful experiences.
Telling me that "she doesn't bite..." doesn't work. Sure, she doesn't bite you! But what about me?

Yep. Although our instinct is to try to put someone at ease, telling someone who's extra sensitive that there's nothing to be afraid of doesn't work. What is needed are Skills so the person can manage their fear and live life how they want.

[JohnHuth]

I don't have any great insights, but usually something like that can be cured in incremental steps.

It sounds to me that it's a priority for you to get beyond this and get functional to hike in the woods, so maybe an action plan is a good idea? I saw one posting about taking self-defense lessons. This would give you some confidence as a starting point. Then maybe deliberately seeking out men in a safe situation - e.g. with a couple, or in a safe setting. A hiking club would help because it builds in the exposure in the environment you are seeking out.

None of this eliminates completely any risk, but it may help get you adjusted to the real level of risk, as opposed to letting an internal reaction dictate activities.

[shelb]

With the trail being 9/10 men.... consider that before you start...

[gracebowen]

I have been working on it and im getting better. Thank you to everyone who gave good advice.

[English Stu]

+1 self defence knowledge and professional advice. I​ have heard advice not to write in registers; also to have a neutral Trail name and give one of your walking poles a name so it looks like there are two of you all the time. Chances are you will find walking buddies who will walk at you speed and give security.

[pickNgrin]

As a guy with 20-something year old daughters, here is my advice:

- Try to stay in a group.

- Carry pepper spray designed for self defense. Bear spray has the same active ingredient, but contrary to what some may think it is weaker due to a bear's senses being much greater than our own. If you end up having to use it, get away from the person immediately and get to where there are other people.

- Avoid hitchhiking if possible, and if you must do it never do it alone.

- Always be aware of your situation, and do not present yourself as a victim. Project confidence and awareness. Trust your gut instincts.

- Do not share a hotel room with a guy unless you want romance.

[saltysack]

As a guy with 20-something year old daughters, here is my advice:

- Try to stay in a group.

- Carry pepper spray designed for self defense. Bear spray has the same active ingredient, but contrary to what some may think it is weaker due to a bear's senses being much greater than our own. If you end up having to use it, get away from the person immediately and get to where there are other people.

- Avoid hitchhiking if possible, and if you must do it never do it alone.

- Always be aware of your situation, and do not present yourself as a victim. Project confidence and awareness. Trust your gut instincts.

- Do not share a hotel room with a guy unless you want romance.

Says a guy who picks a banjo![emoji23].....squeal like a pig....


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[lwhikerchris]

You will be able to use the hike itself as a therapeutic method to restore your faith in people. You will have to go outside your comfort zone.

[Turk6177]

I got this from a web site about travelers, but take a read. I think it will answer a lot of questions for you. Your own mindset and attitude is the most important part.

The Two Travelers and the FarmerNorth AmericaA traveler came upon an old farmer hoeing in his field beside the road. Eager to rest his feet, the wanderer hailed the countryman, who seemed happy enough to straighten his back and talk for a moment."What sort of people live in the next town?" asked the stranger.
"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer, answering the question with another question.
"They were a bad lot. Troublemakers all, and lazy too. The most selfish people in the world, and not a one of them to be trusted. I'm happy to be leaving the scoundrels."
"Is that so?" replied the old farmer. "Well, I'm afraid that you'll find the same sort in the next town.
Disappointed, the traveler trudged on his way, and the farmer returned to his work.
Some time later another stranger, coming from the same direction, hailed the farmer, and they stopped to talk. "What sort of people live in the next town?" he asked.
"What were the people like where you've come from?" replied the farmer once again.
"They were the best people in the world. Hard working, honest, and friendly. I'm sorry to be leaving them."
"Fear not," said the farmer. "You'll find the same sort in the next town."

[Secondmouse]

Grace, I think you got some good answers, hope you feel more comfortable than before.

but I gotta ask, what's up with your avatar?..

it looks like a bearded guy with his leg raised offering up his packages...

:confused:

[glenlawson]

is it possible for you to take a significant section hike at some point in the near future? say 2 to 3 weeks? I think this could let you know if you are prepared for this.

I think it would also be good to try to create experiences where you have positive experiences with guys and coed groups. I am a somewhat awkward person and I enjoy activities that don't require much personal interaction or sharing. While I generally prefer my own company, I come away from these things looking forward to the next time.

I would also suggest getting good at packing up your tent and sleeping bag. Having the confidence to know that you can break camp in just a few minutes may give you peace of mind when you find yourself in the uh-oh situation. I get peace of mind from setting up my tent/camp early, you may want to wait until the last minute. Just a thought.

[Praha4]

my advice is find a hiking partner for your AT adventures...preferably another female hiker

just for your own mental health

believe it or not, 99.5% of male hikers are not on the AT trying to pickup women ... when I read posts like yours I realize even more it's best to just avoid and not even try to talk with women hikers, as even a polite "hello" is interpreted as a pickup line

have fun

[gracebowen]

my advice is find a hiking partner for your AT adventures...preferably another female hiker

just for your own mental health

believe it or not, 99.5% of male hikers are not on the AT trying to pickup women ... when I read posts like yours I realize even more it's best to just avoid and not even try to talk with women hikers, as even a polite "hello" is interpreted as a pickup line

have fun

I dont mind polite convetsation. Just dont touch me or stand too close.

[rocketsocks]

Oh good lord, get over it honey!

[ScareBear]

Oh good lord, get over it honey!

And....there goes my mineral water onto the computer screen....glad it wasn't coffee! :D

[Feral Bill]

Oh good lord, get over it honey! You're out of line, I'm afraid. Everyone has different personal boundaries. It's best to respect them regardless. Also, patronizing women rarely has good results of any kind.

[Engine]

I dont mind polite convetsation. Just dont touch me or stand too close. Then shelters are definitely out, as well as hostels, buffet lines, etc.

[ScareBear]

Then shelters are definitely out, as well as hostels, buffet lines, etc.

Male doctors?
Bus?
Plane?
Train?
Ski lift?

Kinda hard to avoid being near us...since we're almost 50 percent of the world's population...

If you can't stand to stand next to a male, sit next to a male or speak to a male stranger, then it is kinda to the point that you should get some professional help. Or a therapy dog...

[CHILL_TX]

Just another dude on the internet here, and also a dude on the trail (I was born that way, so sue me), and I have to agree. Throwing yourself into a situation surrounded by your worst fears is almost never a healthy or successful way to confront those fears. The kind of fear you are talking about is not something as simple as a fear of heights or spiders. Find some peace first. Having a goal of doing a thru hike once you've achieved that peace might even be something that would help you in working towards overcoming those fears. It could even be your "last big step" in finding true and lasting peace about your past, and being able to trust men again.

I wish you the very best in finding your peace whether it's pre hike, during, or post hike.




Have you seen a therapist? Because this sounds like something that should probably be addressed by a professional and not a lot of dudes on the internet (I am not a dude, but 90% of the responses will be from dudes).

[greensleep]

I dont mind polite convetsation. Just dont touch me or stand too close.

I suggest gradual desensitizing. Plenty of nice guys out there and most who hike the trail are.

[gracebowen]

[QUOTE=rocketsocks;2128701]Oh good lord, get over it honey![/QU

Thats what im trying to do. You obviously have no clue how bad being repeatedly abused can affect and scar poeple. Some people never get over it.

[gracebowen]

Male doctors?
Bus?
Plane?
Train?
Ski lift?

Kinda hard to avoid being near us...since we're almost 50 percent of the world's population...

If you can't stand to stand next to a male, sit next to a male or speak to a male stranger, then it is kinda to the point that you should get some professional help. Or a therapy dog...

Id probably skip the ski lift. Those others im just super aware and can easily remove myself from the situation if necessary.

Yes shelters will take some getting used to.

[Uncle Joe]

I think this is something you're going to have to get a handle on before you hike. That's not to say you have to be completely "over it" but you might need to get some cognitive therapy and gain some tools for coping with it. I think on the trail you're going to meet people and find a people your comfortable with. When you do you might confide in them of your fears and that might help them help you. It's simplistic to say your fears are irrational because for you they're not. Abuse takes it from a statistical improbability to a certainty, if only for the past. But that also makes it a certainty in your mind. Again, I suggest you talk to a professional. Once you have to tools to cope you can apply them and see them working. That is going to lead to confidence and re-assurance.

[Lone Wolf]

seriously?.............

[rocketsocks]

[QUOTE=rocketsocks;2128701]Oh good lord, get over it honey![/QU

Thats what im trying to do. You obviously have no clue how bad being repeatedly abused can affect and scar poeple. Some people never get over it.by getting your advice from a message board, how hard are you really trying? It's been three months since you started this thread and ask for help, what have you done proactive to insure your success? Have you visited your therapist? You said you use to go and they told you you needed no more therapy? Do you currently have a therapist? I'll say it again, get this taken care of before you go on a long distance hike with a bunch of strangers...you don't want the trail name "personal space" don't put the onus on those around you, it starts with you.

[lesliedgray]

I agree with bits and pieces of most of these posts..
#1. Take self-defense classes. Not only will you increase your physical conditioning, reaction and response time, you will gain confidence in your ability to handle yourself in a potentially stressful situation.
# 2. Find another therapist. Never let someone else, who is not standing in your skin, tell you that you are "healed". That sounds like a " i'm at the end of my knowledge to help you" statement. There are wonderful counselors out there.. Find one.
#3. Join a hiking club. You will meet like-minded people and will no doubt find some hiking friends.. Trust your gut about people.
#4. Get pepper spray and carry it on your person during the hike. You may get the type that shows up florescent under lights and takes a picture of your attacker, if you wish.
#5. Go on short day hikes, followed by weekend hikes and 3 day hikes. This will help boost your confidence in your abilities and help you enjoy the hike for itself.. a walk in the woods, or rocks or whatever.. Time with Nature. Listen to the birds, wind, feel the sun.. take conscious note of these things and you will feel your tension slipping.. with each successful short hike, you increase your chances of having a successful AT hike.
#6 Do a section hike.. you may wish to go with a buddy or two. ( maybe a new friend from your hiking club?) shorten it if you want.. arrange to have some one meet you at a convenient trail stop...or, push on a bit further.. i agree to a point that you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but only to a point. What good is it to do something while having been a nervous wreck the whole time? That is not a positive experience. Some nervousness is to be expected, you can work through that. Learn relaxation breathing techniques, they are helpful.
Long story short, give yourself many small successes so that you will be better conditioned physically and emotionally for your next, bigger success..
Happy Hiking.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Engine]

I agree with bits and pieces of most of these posts..
#1. Take self-defense classes. Not only will you increase your physical conditioning, reaction and response time, you will gain confidence in your ability to handle yourself in a potentially stressful situation.
# 2. Find another therapist. Never let someone else, who is not standing in your skin, tell you that you are "healed". That sounds like a " i'm at the end of my knowledge to help you" statement. There are wonderful counselors out there.. Find one.
#3. Join a hiking club. You will meet like-minded people and will no doubt find some hiking friends.. Trust your gut about people.
#4. Get pepper spray and carry it on your person during the hike. You may get the type that shows up florescent under lights and takes a picture of your attacker, if you wish.
#5. Go on short day hikes, followed by weekend hikes and 3 day hikes. This will help boost your confidence in your abilities and help you enjoy the hike for itself.. a walk in the woods, or rocks or whatever.. Time with Nature. Listen to the birds, wind, feel the sun.. take conscious note of these things and you will feel your tension slipping.. with each successful short hike, you increase your chances of having a successful AT hike.
#6 Do a section hike.. you may wish to go with a buddy or two. ( maybe a new friend from your hiking club?) shorten it if you want.. arrange to have some one meet you at a convenient trail stop...or, push on a bit further.. i agree to a point that you need to push yourself out of your comfort zone, but only to a point. What good is it to do something while having been a nervous wreck the whole time? That is not a positive experience. Some nervousness is to be expected, you can work through that. Learn relaxation breathing techniques, they are helpful.
Long story short, give yourself many small successes so that you will be better conditioned physically and emotionally for your next, bigger success..
Happy Hiking.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk I agree with most of this advice, especially the self defense training as it really helps with self-confidence. However, I'm not too sure about advising someone who is admittedly jumpy around a certain segment of society to carry pepper spray when they are going to be surrounded by the very type of person they have issues with. That could end badly with an overreaction to a perceived threat that never actually existed.

In any event, I would advise the OP to put this issue behind them (at least mostly) prior to attempting a thru-hike.

[Secondmouse]

guys knock it off. this isn't the place to criticize someone who is asking for help.

by the same token Grace, this probably isn't the place to come to ask for help. there is a women's section but in the General section, at best you're going to get some general well meaning advice, at worst, you'll be the main attraction of an internet dog pile.

anyway, if your fears are as profound as you say, the best advice would come from a professional...

[Water Rat]

Actually, the hiking community can probably best answer what life is actually like on the trail. Many therapists have no clue. As for posting in the women's section - Would that really make a difference? Guys seem to try to be the first ones to answer, even when a woman posts for other women to answer.

As someone who hasn't ventured out there yet, the OP was simply looking for some tips from others who may have issues like hers, or have some suggestions to offer to help her along. She was not asking any of us to solve her problems for her. The OP has not said she cannot be around any man, at any time. She has thanked us for tips and suggestions and has said she has found some suggestions to be helpful.

To those who are tired of the thread - Simply put this thread on ignore. There is no need for you to respond unless you have a helpful suggestion to offer. WB is supposed to be a place where people can get answers for their questions. The OP was soliciting tips and coping mechanisms. She was not soliciting advice in place of visiting a therapist.

To the OP - The people on the trail will not tell you to get off the trail, or "get over it." Most will respect your need for space and need to take things at your speed.

Just remember that out there, you are in control over most of the situations you put yourself in. You can say no to sharing rooms, car rides, shelters (by taking a tent), and even hiking with others. There is no need to put yourself in any situation where you feel uncomfortable. You will find safety in numbers. You will find lots of awesome guys out there who will respect your space and who will protect you from those who do not. As you have already found, there is no place that is 100% safe in this world. However, the trail is a wonderful place to go to heal.

[Secondmouse]

Actually, the hiking community can probably best answer what life is actually like on the trail. Many therapists have no clue. As for posting in the women's section - Would that really make a difference? Guys seem to try to be the first ones to answer, even when a woman posts for other women to answer.

As someone who hasn't ventured out there yet, the OP was simply looking for some tips from others who may have issues like hers, or have some suggestions to offer to help her along. She was not asking any of us to solve her problems for her. The OP has not said she cannot be around any man, at any time. She has thanked us for tips and suggestions and has said she has found some suggestions to be helpful.

To those who are tired of the thread - Simply put this thread on ignore. There is no need for you to respond unless you have a helpful suggestion to offer. WB is supposed to be a place where people can get answers for their questions. The OP was soliciting tips and coping mechanisms. She was not soliciting advice in place of visiting a therapist.

To the OP - The people on the trail will not tell you to get off the trail, or "get over it." Most will respect your need for space and need to take things at your speed.

Just remember that out there, you are in control over most of the situations you put yourself in. You can say no to sharing rooms, car rides, shelters (by taking a tent), and even hiking with others. There is no need to put yourself in any situation where you feel uncomfortable. You will find safety in numbers. You will find lots of awesome guys out there who will respect your space and who will protect you from those who do not. As you have already found, there is no place that is 100% safe in this world. However, the trail is a wonderful place to go to heal.

really? yes, I think the women's section would be much safer to ask these questions than General.

the trail is the trail. you hike. it's outdoors. you meet other people occasionally as they congregate at natural points like shelters, etc.

asking hikers how to deal with a fear rather than a professional is like asking a bunch of car nuts rather than a mechanic what's wrong with your car. you're going to get a lot of different answers based on personal experience, some of which may be somewhat helpful, some completely off the mark, and is sure to generate wide and varying comment that have no bearing on the subject.

the simplest answer to Grace is the trail is a microcosm that has its own social practices and agenda, but is not so different from society overall. if you're afraid in real life, you're going to be afraid on the trail. and don't sleep in the shelters...

[Water Rat]

really? yes, I think the women's section would be much safer to ask these questions than General.

...

asking hikers how to deal with a fear rather than a professional is like asking a bunch of car nuts rather than a mechanic what's wrong with your car. you're going to get a lot of different answers based on personal experience, some of which may be somewhat helpful, some completely off the mark, and is sure to generate wide and varying comment that have no bearing on the subject.

As a visitor to the women's section of this forum, I can tell you firsthand that the red vs green border does nothing to stop guys from commenting. There is no magic force field. :) Actually, if one searches this forum via "Today's Posts" it would be quite easy to wander in there and comment without realizing one was in the women's forum.

However, I don't think the OP was limiting her audience. I think she was soliciting additional tips and real-life experience from those who might have dealt with the same fears, or have a female in their life who may have had similar issues. For her to have the courage to post about her fears, tells me that she has been working to deal with her fears...and has been making progress. Women are outnumbered on the trail, but we are way outnumbered when it comes to outdoor forums.

I agree that if one asks a question, one will definitely receive all sorts of answers on the internet! Especially on White Blaze. My take is that the OP was not coming here for advice as to what was wrong with her and how to deal with her problems. She was simply asking for additional tips, and tools that might aide in helping her to adjust to life on the trail. A therapist can help diagnose and offer tips as to how to deal with things, but maybe the OP felt that additional tips and ideas from those who have been on the trail (and have had real-world experience with that lifestyle), might also be beneficial? Obviously if her therapist has never backpacked, they will be unable to give the OP a better idea of what life is actually like on the trail, or offer suggestions as to how one might handle themselves in particular trail situations. If the OP asks her therapist "what should I say if a guy wanders up and wants to know how far I am hiking," the therapist might not be able to give her the tool of telling her she has the option to say she is meeting up with her friends/hubby in just a little bit. That is where asking for help from the hiking community can come in handy.

I never got the impression the OP came here for all the answers, or help in place of seeing an actual therapist. My impression is that she came here to gain more insight and get advice as to how she might be able to handle particular situations that may arise. From her initial post, I got the impression that she had a broad idea of what life was like on the trail, but just wanted to feel-out potential situations (like, what should she do about sharing a room) before she found herself stuck in the middle of an unwanted situation. I get the feeling she stopped by this forum more for reassurance that the boogeyman does not lurk behind every tree, rather than advice on how to solve her problem.

Personally, I find it encouraging she felt strong enough to pose her question of everyone on the forum. I also think she received a lot of great suggestions. I think that once she gets out there she will discover there are many awesome people on the trail. It's just a matter of taking that first step.

[illabelle]

....I agree that if one asks a question, one will definitely receive all sorts of answers on the internet! Especially on White Blaze. My take is that the OP was not coming here for advice as to what was wrong with her and how to deal with her problems. She was simply asking for additional tips, and tools that might aide in helping her to adjust to life on the trail. A therapist can help diagnose and offer tips as to how to deal with things, but maybe the OP felt that additional tips and ideas from those who have been on the trail (and have had real-world experience with that lifestyle), might also be beneficial? Obviously if her therapist has never backpacked, they will be unable to give the OP a better idea of what life is actually like on the trail, or offer suggestions as to how one might handle themselves in particular trail situations. If the OP asks her therapist "what should I say if a guy wanders up and wants to know how far I am hiking," the therapist might not be able to give her the tool of telling her she has the option to say she is meeting up with her friends/hubby in just a little bit. That is where asking for help from the hiking community can come in handy.

I never got the impression the OP came here for all the answers, or help in place of seeing an actual therapist. My impression is that she came here to gain more insight and get advice as to how she might be able to handle particular situations that may arise. From her initial post, I got the impression that she had a broad idea of what life was like on the trail, but just wanted to feel-out potential situations (like, what should she do about sharing a room) before she found herself stuck in the middle of an unwanted situation. I get the feeling she stopped by this forum more for reassurance that the boogeyman does not lurk behind every tree, rather than advice on how to solve her problem.

Personally, I find it encouraging she felt strong enough to pose her question of everyone on the forum. I also think she received a lot of great suggestions. I think that once she gets out there she will discover there are many awesome people on the trail. It's just a matter of taking that first step.

Well said, Water Rat!

[-Rush-]

I think this is one of the benefits of the trail. You'll get out there and recover some faith in humanity, and you'll likely be able to allay some of your fears. It's REAL EASY to spot the people that do not belong out there, and I think you'll find the community is all about taking care of and looking out for each other on the trail and in town. As a man of integrity and honor, the wedding ring would stop me dead in my tracks. However, there are those it wouldn't stop, and that's a huge red flag, so wearing the ring may give you a heightened awareness of a problem person before they actually become a problem. Happy Trails!

[gracebowen]

Water Rat thats it exactly. Very well put. I posted in general to get advice and opinions from everyone.

I will take what I think will help me and ignore the rest. I just might wear a wedding ring.

[rocketsocks]

Water Rat thats it exactly. Very well put. I posted in general to get advice and opinions from everyone.

I will take what I think will help me and ignore the rest. I just might wear a wedding ring.are you serious? What's wrong with the direct approach? Yo dude, not interested.

[ScareBear]

are you serious? What's wrong with the direct approach? Yo dude, not interested.

She has a panic attack....or just gets overly anxious standing next to men...she just has to move away and be alone. Or find a female hiking partner....or a doberman....

[gracebowen]

She has a panic attack....or just gets overly anxious standing next to men...she just has to move away and be alone. Or find a female hiking partner....or a doberman....

Assumes facts not in evidence.

[ScareBear]

Assumes facts not in evidence.

You said

" Just dont touch me or stand too close. "

"Id probably skip the ski lift. Those others im just super aware and can easily remove myself from the situation if necessary. "

So, ummmm, what facts did you not put into evidence?


" Just dont touch me or stand too close. "

"Id probably skip the ski lift. Those others im just super aware and can easily remove myself from the situation if necessary. "

"I have an irrational level of fear for men. "

"Its been about 20 years since the last incident and yet I still have issues."

SNIP INCREDIBLY SNARKY COMMENTS(yeah, I self-edited...)...

Good luck to ya. Hope ya find the help ya seem to need...

[rocketsocks]

She has a panic attack....or just gets overly anxious standing next to men...she just has to move away and be alone. Or find a female hiking partner....or a doberman....ah got cha, musta missed that.

[MuddyWaters]

How do you deal with it every day?

Because its exactly the same.

Being in the woods doesnt change anything, except in your head.

The way I see it, you made up your mind a long time ago to live in fear
By doing so...you are throwing your life away.

It doesnt matter a hoot if you die tomorrow, today, or 40 years from now
It doesnt matter what anyone did to you in the past, or will do in the future either
Nor does it matter if you die in a car wreck, are murdered by inbred drunken hillbilly, or die of old age

What matters is what you do while you have the chance.
Because none of that other stuff is in your control.

[gracebowen]

You assume i have a panic attack.
You assume i cant stand in a line near a man.

My quote about standing too close and touching was in regards to on the trail when it might just be me and a male. Not normal everyday life encounters.
Since i need to be specific i know the difference between an accidental touch and a purposeful. If there is doubt and a glare doesn't stop the behavior i moove. The first touch is always assumed to be an accident regardless of how I feel

[gracebowen]

And yes i lived in fear for many years. I didnt get real help till a few years ago. Im trying to change that now and stop using coping mechanisms that just mask the problem. Ive done it so much its habit and im trying to change it.

But telling me to just get over it already is like telling a soldier with PTSD to just get over it.
You and Rocketsocks seem to have missed the fact that this thread was revived by someone other than me.

You all also seem to have missed the part where i said i got some helpful ideals and advice. Some of which i have already implemented and that i have improved some already.

[rocketsocks]

Great, perfect...have a good hike.

[Secondmouse]

As a visitor to the women's section of this forum, I can tell you firsthand that the red vs green border does nothing to stop guys from commenting. There is no magic force field. :) Actually, if one searches this forum via "Today's Posts" it would be quite easy to wander in there and comment without realizing one was in the women's forum.

However, I don't think the OP was limiting her audience. I think she was soliciting additional tips and real-life experience from those who might have dealt with the same fears, or have a female in their life who may have had similar issues. For her to have the courage to post about her fears, tells me that she has been working to deal with her fears...and has been making progress. Women are outnumbered on the trail, but we are way outnumbered when it comes to outdoor forums.

I agree that if one asks a question, one will definitely receive all sorts of answers on the internet! Especially on White Blaze. My take is that the OP was not coming here for advice as to what was wrong with her and how to deal with her problems. She was simply asking for additional tips, and tools that might aide in helping her to adjust to life on the trail. A therapist can help diagnose and offer tips as to how to deal with things, but maybe the OP felt that additional tips and ideas from those who have been on the trail (and have had real-world experience with that lifestyle), might also be beneficial? Obviously if her therapist has never backpacked, they will be unable to give the OP a better idea of what life is actually like on the trail, or offer suggestions as to how one might handle themselves in particular trail situations. If the OP asks her therapist "what should I say if a guy wanders up and wants to know how far I am hiking," the therapist might not be able to give her the tool of telling her she has the option to say she is meeting up with her friends/hubby in just a little bit. That is where asking for help from the hiking community can come in handy.

I never got the impression the OP came here for all the answers, or help in place of seeing an actual therapist. My impression is that she came here to gain more insight and get advice as to how she might be able to handle particular situations that may arise. From her initial post, I got the impression that she had a broad idea of what life was like on the trail, but just wanted to feel-out potential situations (like, what should she do about sharing a room) before she found herself stuck in the middle of an unwanted situation. I get the feeling she stopped by this forum more for reassurance that the boogeyman does not lurk behind every tree, rather than advice on how to solve her problem.

Personally, I find it encouraging she felt strong enough to pose her question of everyone on the forum. I also think she received a lot of great suggestions. I think that once she gets out there she will discover there are many awesome people on the trail. It's just a matter of taking that first step.

sorry, this is bogus. psychotherapy is not an amateur sport...

[Water Rat]

sorry, this is bogus. psychotherapy is not an amateur sport...

I call it as I see it, as you are also free to do. I am not a Psychotherapist, nor have I ever played one on tv.

It doesn't matter what the rest of us think. The OP has already stated she has found this thread to be (mostly) helpful. That was the whole point of her posting on this site.

[Engine]

sorry, this is bogus. psychotherapy is not an amateur sport... Nor is it a science...might as well go to a witch doctor...

[Snowleopard]

gracebowen, I hope you find a way to hike the AT or other trails in a way that is fulfilling and comfortable for you.

In post #30 you said, "My personal thought is its time for a little well the word escapes me. Its time to expose myself to percieved scary situations to learn from new experiences that its not that bad after all."
Perhaps doing this in situations that are easier and quicker to bail out of would be better. For hiking, this might be going on local hikes with a local hiking group. A hiking group would also let you gradually increase your exposure. An analogy might be: short hikes with a group would be like a person afraid of the water learning to swim by starting out in the shallows at their own speed. An AT thruhike might be like being thrown by someone else into the deep end of the pool. An advantage of the AT at popular times is that most people eventually get to know a compatible group traveling at the same speed. It might take hundreds of miles to find those people and become comfortable with them.

As Wolf 23000 said, there are other trails (and other times of year) that have fewer people than the AT at its peak. Do you have backpacking experience? If not, perhaps you can find an experienced female hiking partner to join you on hikes. There are advantages to shorter hikes, and I'm sure that there are places to hike in Texas where you won't see another person on a weekend hike. Even in crowded Massachusetts, I seldom see another person on my day hikes.

--Walter (aka Snowleopard)

[slovakiasteph]

Don't know if this will help, but I've sectioned 400+ miles of the trail and have only met guys who were respectful and seemed decent. No one has scared me. Most will just smile or say hi, and I can choose whether or not to respond-- if I choose not to, they move on. I'm sure there are jerks, but if I were to come across someone like that at a shelter, etc., I could camp in my tent to get away. Most seem like nice guys though.

[MuddyWaters]

sorry, this is bogus. psychotherapy is not an amateur sport...

Ive got a minor degree in psychology.

My favorite professor used to say, "Psychology is common sense....made difficult", and he was right.

Coping is like treading water.
You dont want to cope, you want to swim.
The only way that will happen, is enough neutral or positive exposure until your mind no longer interprets it as a threat.
Thats just the way things work.

[Secondmouse]

Ive got a minor degree in psychology.

My favorite professor used to say, "Psychology is common sense....made difficult", and he was right.

Coping is like treading water.
You dont want to cope, you want to swim.
The only way that will happen, is enough neutral or positive exposure until your mind no longer interprets it as a threat.
Thats just the way things work.

meaning what?..

[AlpineKevin]

I don't think being concerned about men is an "irrational fear" or requires therapy as some suggest. I'm a 250lb ex-military dude and I do not like men either. Men can be dangerous. I treat all men with suspicion and it's ok if you do too. Safety is more important than political correctness. And as a man I am not offended if women treat me with suspicion either. A man who is offended doesn't know enough about life to understand.

[Secondmouse]

I don't think being concerned about men is an "irrational fear" or requires therapy as some suggest. I'm a 250lb ex-military dude and I do not like men either. Men can be dangerous. I treat all men with suspicion and it's ok if you do too. Safety is more important than political correctness. And as a man I am not offended if women treat me with suspicion either. A man who is offended doesn't know enough about life to understand.

hmmmm, not sure if serious...

[Old_Man]

There will be men on the trail and some of them may stand close to you. However--as a man with social anxiety--I go hiking to get away from people, not to socialize. I'm weary of people, male or female, who want to encroach on my solitude. Maybe OP would do well to embrace the solitude of the trail. Do some solo overnighters. Try to be self-sufficient so you can minimize contact with strangers.

[Uncle Joe]

And yes i lived in fear for many years. I didnt get real help till a few years ago. Im trying to change that now and stop using coping mechanisms that just mask the problem. Ive done it so much its habit and im trying to change it.

But telling me to just get over it already is like telling a soldier with PTSD to just get over it.
You and Rocketsocks seem to have missed the fact that this thread was revived by someone other than me.

You all also seem to have missed the part where i said i got some helpful ideals and advice. Some of which i have already implemented and that i have improved some already.

That's good! You're going to get a lot of responses on here and some are going to be crass or abrupt and others perhaps helpful. Normal forum rules apply in that you're going to have to parse them. There's always going to be a "just get over it" comment. You could post a thread about rocks and you're going to get curmudgeons. Ignore and move on. Only you know the extent to which this is a problem.

[AlpineKevin]

I don't think being concerned about men is an "irrational fear" or requires therapy as some suggest. I'm a 250lb ex-military dude and I do not like men either. Men can be dangerous. I treat all men with suspicion and it's ok if you do too. Safety is more important than political correctness. And as a man I am not offended if women treat me with suspicion either. A man who is offended doesn't know enough about life to understand.

I'm not joking. I'm serious. Now I am not afraid of men as op is, but I am highly suspicious of most of them and their motivations. I have lived a rough and tumble kind of life though and I live in Las Vegas so that may play a part, but men's motivations (more so than women's) is something that is always at the forefront of my mind. Let's be honest, men were originally made for f-kcing and fighting. And in thousands of years I don't think a lot of men have strayed too far from those impulses. Not all men, but a lot, enough to make me cautious of their motivations.

[Praha4]

Ladies and gentlemen of White Blaze.

I'm just a caveman hiker.

your Appalachian Trail world frightens and confuses me

[rickb]

I think there are more ways to avoid uncomfortable situations than you may realize.

Saring a hotel room with a man? Just no need to -- ever.

Hitching make you cringe? Then don't. There are ways to avoid them -- albeit with some inconvenience.

Men at or around shelters? You can time your hike to virtually guarantee MANY people around at the start, and then camp away from them by yourself (in many sections).

You can adapt to the Trail (as many have suggested) but you can also design your hike in a way that it wil adapt to you. To a large extent, anyway.

People always think that one needs to hike like most everyone else -- I would challenge that assumption.

[blazercoach]

Aside from the numerous suggestions of getting help, I'd also add that if you hike "in the bubble" when and where the thru-hikers are bunched.......you will rarely be alone. And usually if you make yourself amiable, you will find many good people with which to enjoy the experience. Best of luck.

[Secondmouse]

I'm not joking. I'm serious. Now I am not afraid of men as op is, but I am highly suspicious of most of them and their motivations. I have lived a rough and tumble kind of life though and I live in Las Vegas so that may play a part, but men's motivations (more so than women's) is something that is always at the forefront of my mind. Let's be honest, men were originally made for f-kcing and fighting. And in thousands of years I don't think a lot of men have strayed too far from those impulses. Not all men, but a lot, enough to make me cautious of their motivations.

I think YOU need therapy...

[Secondmouse]

Ladies and gentlemen of White Blaze.

I'm just a caveman hiker.

your Appalachian Trail world frightens and confuses me

lol, right?

I love that our world now is so full of crippling fear of common things and folks are encouraged to not only express their fear (or feelings or simple annoyance, etc.) but wear them as a badge of honor, and expect others to become obsequious to them.

personal weakness has now become power over others. it makes me feel so odd that even though I have circumstances where I am not completely comfortable, that I just try to understand and overcome them. you see, in my day it was called 'growing up' and I can't shake that...

[RangerZ]

lol, right?

I love that our world now is so full of crippling fear of common things and folks are encouraged to not only express their fear (or feelings or simple annoyance, etc.) but wear them as a badge of honor, and expect others to become obsequious to them.

personal weakness has now become power over others. it makes me feel so odd that even though I have circumstances where I am not completely comfortable, that I just try to understand and overcome them. you see, in my day it was called 'growing up' and I can't shake that...

My psychologist son has a educated, well considered, professional counseling method, my method is still ... "get over it".

[JPritch]

lol, right?

I love that our world now is so full of crippling fear of common things and folks are encouraged to not only express their fear (or feelings or simple annoyance, etc.) but wear them as a badge of honor, and expect others to become obsequious to them.

personal weakness has now become power over others. it makes me feel so odd that even though I have circumstances where I am not completely comfortable, that I just try to understand and overcome them. you see, in my day it was called 'growing up' and I can't shake that...

You hit the nail on the head. I work with someone like this. Our team outings for lunch and team building activities always seem to end up back at the small handful of things this person is comfortable going to or doing. Each time it only reinforces their behavior, which is downright selfish IMO.

[Lnj]

I like finding the hiking club idea. I may do it myself, and I have no fear to deal with at all.... except spiders and snakes... and only night-time camp raiding bears. There is always a certain security in numbers, even if it's just one other person. I personally LOVE being left all alone in my daily life, mostly because with a hubby, 2 kids and 2 dogs, I NEVER am, but in hiking... where it's so easy to turn an ankle or or get sick... it's just nice to know you have someone with you for back up.

I wish you all the luck and the experience of a lifetime.

[FreeGoldRush]

My psychologist son has a educated, well considered, professional counseling method, my method is still ... "get over it".

If you look at highly successful people they have just as many bizarre personality quirks as anyone. One trait they share is an intense desire to move toward their goals anyway. They'll make complete fools of themselves and look like a moron if necessary. The goal is always the priority over their comfort, pain, or desires.

To the OP: Don't underestimate your ability to just do the trail anyway. Just sayin'. :)

[cave man]

Hitch hiking tips, Things I've learned.
Precautions :

1. You don't have to take a ride if your not comfortable.
2. Ask to take a picture of their license plate, if they say no,you don't need to get in.
3. Know where you need to go / be confident, watch road signs/landmarks, speak up when you are ready to get out.
4. Try your hardest to keep your gear as close as possible and be completely packed before you get in.
5. Avoid eating drinking offered food. However I have gambled plenty on this and seem to be alright.

Hitching etiquette:
A. Have on cleanest clothing/shoes/sandals. Put on a little insect repellent to hide body odor
B. Open window asap!
C. Be friendly without revealing to much info.
D. Listen to their stories
E. Tell one of yours.
F. Thank them for the ride because it's already over :sun

SHOUT OUT TO ALL MY DRIVERS. YOU GUYS ROCK!

[DapperD]

In my opinion, if you plan to thru-hike the trail, it would be your best bet to find someone whom you trust who would at least be willing to start the hike with you and also be willing to continue with you for awhile, say at least a couple of weeks. This way it will give yourself the opportunity to mentally adjust to the trail and the other hikers out there.

You will not feel as vulnerable with at least one or more friends that you know well enough to be able to count on. As the hike progresses, you will grow physically as well as mentally stronger, and will most likely meet others with whom you can relate to who are hiking and doing the same thing as you.

If you start out alone, it sounds as if your worries could get the better of you, and derail your hike. Start out slow and steady and don't push yourself much the first week or two. If you don't do this it will cause you to be more mentally fatigued than necessary, which in your case will undoubtedly be detrimental.

And lastly, have plenty of funds to be flexible. Have the funds to be able to get off the trail if and when you want. You can then afford good food and rest when you need it. Also, if someone was bothersome, it would make it easier to maybe travel ahead to continue the trail in a different section/location. Good Luck

[Praha4]

in the words of a recent country music singer:

God is great,
Beer is good,
...and people are crazy