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ScottP
01-17-2006, 22:41
From this forum and trailplace I gather that some females will feel uncomfortable around strange males on the trail. What can I do to make female hikers feel comfortable around me on the trail and at shelters? I have no ulterior motives--I just don't want to impose on others.

drsukie
01-17-2006, 23:32
From this forum and trailplace I gather that some females will feel uncomfortable around strange males on the trail. What can I do to make female hikers feel comfortable around me on the trail and at shelters? I have no ulterior motives--I just don't want to impose on others.

1) don't be a strange male :D , 2) no cheesy hiker pick-up lines (say, that's a nice tent, where'd you get it?...), 3) be yourself!

If someone female is uncomfortable with you, maybe it's -- not you. Maybe it is her. You can only control yourself! ;) Enjoy and relax! Sue

ScottP
01-17-2006, 23:55
1) don't be a strange male :D ,

I've decided to take thousands of dollars and hundreds of days out of my life to walk. That makes me strange, as does being a philosophy student. Can't help that one. Plus, what is normal to one group is strange to another.

I hope by 'strange' you mean a guy with wandering eyes, cheesy pickup lines, a giant tube of lube, and a gun.

drsukie
01-18-2006, 15:00
I've decided to take thousands of dollars and hundreds of days out of my life to walk. That makes me strange, as does being a philosophy student. Can't help that one. Plus, what is normal to one group is strange to another.

I hope by 'strange' you mean a guy with wandering eyes, cheesy pickup lines, a giant tube of lube, and a gun.


You got it! ;)

Actually, you really aren't that strange in doing this, you are a calculated risk-taker. You've already weighed the pros and cons, and have decided that this is an excellent use - at this time of your life - of resources, energy, brain, body - you name it. Plus, those of us who are contemplating this trek, have done parts of it, have completed it - think how lucky we truly are. Most people can't do this type of thing; or better put, they THINK they can't, because they put obstacles (real and imagined) in their path.

I think you'll be a perfect fit - especially because most of the hikers I've trekked with, and met on the trails and in shelters, are some of the best conversationalists. And very knowledgeable about varied things. Makes great fodder for a philosopher! :) Sue

julie
01-19-2006, 11:41
Just try to think of her as a person before you think of her as a woman. Maybe try to treat her as you would treat your sister or mother or aunt.

It is unfortunate that statistically speaking the greatest physical threat to women, both on the trail and off it, is men. It is unfortunate for women but it is almost as unfortunate for the majority of men who have no intention of hurting us. Try not to take our apprehension, however it manifests itself, personally. Many of us cannot afford to trust you the first time we meet you.

Most men are not in any way interested in sexual assault or in violence towards women. Many men, however, participate in behaviors that serve as "camouflage" for men who are. Such as tolerating sexist jokes, pornography (no, not all images of naked people are pornography, but a great deal of porn gets its thrill from portraying men dominating women), etc.

So if you really want to help us, look to the behavior of other men. If you wouldn't tolerate it towards your sister, mother, or yourself, don't tolerate it towards the rest of us.

Thank you for asking. You are important.

Hammock Hanger
01-22-2006, 08:56
JUlie: Nicely put. Sue/HH

Smile
01-22-2006, 09:29
I'll second that.

gsingjane
01-22-2006, 13:31
I usually hike with my children, and we always tent (for various reasons) so I don't come into contact with men in an overnight situation. But, of course most of the folks with whom we interact on the trail are men (gosh I would love to see some other moms and kids out there!).

What would make me uncomfortable would be someone looking at me in an inappropriate way (I think we all know it when we experience it!), or saying sex- or romance-related things, or getting too inquisitive about my life off the trail or my marital status. If I am talking to someone for an extended period of time (say when we've both stopped for the night), it does make me feel better to hear someone refer to his partner, or wife and kids or whatever (assuming there are such people, of course!). I also don't tend to feel too great around guys who are drinking lots where there isn't an escape hatch for me. A lot of times alcohol talks, and I don't like what it says.

All that said, maybe it is because I am mostly with my kids, or maybe it is because of my advanced age, but it has been very, very rare that I've gotten a bad or threatening vibe off any fellow I've met on the trail. Most people are just really into their own thing, and too tired to worry about what someone else is doing.

Jane in CT

Mouse
01-22-2006, 17:14
I was always a bit cautious when I found myself sharing a shelter with a man I did not know. Talking a bit always enough to reassure myself that he was okay. Had I found anything worrysome I would have packed up and moved on.

So just talking a little, the usual trail ritual of "Whats your trailname, when did you leave, how do you like your stove, etc" that hikers always seemed to fall into is probably enough to put anyone else at ease.

Cookerhiker
01-22-2006, 21:58
I usually hike with my children, and we always tent (for various reasons) so I don't come into contact with men in an overnight situation. But, of course most of the folks with whom we interact on the trail are men (gosh I would love to see some other moms and kids out there!).

What would make me uncomfortable would be someone looking at me in an inappropriate way (I think we all know it when we experience it!), or saying sex- or romance-related things, or getting too inquisitive about my life off the trail or my marital status. If I am talking to someone for an extended period of time (say when we've both stopped for the night), it does make me feel better to hear someone refer to his partner, or wife and kids or whatever (assuming there are such people, of course!). I also don't tend to feel too great around guys who are drinking lots where there isn't an escape hatch for me. A lot of times alcohol talks, and I don't like what it says.

All that said, maybe it is because I am mostly with my kids, or maybe it is because of my advanced age, but it has been very, very rare that I've gotten a bad or threatening vibe off any fellow I've met on the trail. Most people are just really into their own thing, and too tired to worry about what someone else is doing.

Jane in CT

"Advanced Age?" Come off it!:o

Not too many years ago, I arrived at a shelter near dark and encountered a solo woman hiker. This was off-season so she was, to put it mildly, shocked to see a guy show up at that point. Normally slow-thinking, I sized up the situation immediately and did some of things you and others talked about - giving my Trail Name, hiking history, talked equipment (which I abhor almost as much as Bill Bryson did), and referred to my wife & adult children. We had a pleasant evening and became friends.

gsingjane
01-23-2006, 07:55
I think that was just the right thing to have done. I could imagine being that woman hiker, and I think it was very nice of you to chat and show her that you were to be trusted. It really is a bit of a vulnerable feeling out there in the woods - I mean, I know the statistics and they are very positive and reassuring - but the numbers sometimes don't help when it is pitch black out and something is crinkling somewhere!

Jane in CT

p.s. Thanks for the encouraging words on the age thing. Whether or not most days I look 48, on the trail I sure don't feel it!

mindi
01-26-2006, 01:39
I haven't done a thruhike yet, but I've been thinking a lot about this post and I have some ideas :)..
I'd second the previous post about not being offended if a woman seems uncomfortable around you. If you arrive at the shelter or start talking to a woman and she takes off or ditches you, don't take it personally. We're wired to trust our instincts, and you may be perfectly harmless, but we'd rather be safe than sorry.
Be careful about asking too much about our plans until you get to know us better. Wanting to know how far we are planning on going, who we are hiking with, what shelter we are planning on sleeping at, etc. sends up a red flag right away.
Offer help if asked, otherwise treat us as you would another guy and let us do it ourselves. I personally don't have a problem with a guy trying to be chivalrous, but a lot of women take offense to what they might perceive as a man thinking they can't do something on their own. Of course, doing a favor like sharing a snack or making a run for water is probably appreciated by everyone, male or female.
I think the following goes for men and women alike..watch your language and the topics of discussion until you get to know us. I swear like a sailor and can talk about pretty much anything because I've always hung out with guys, but it can make some women really uncomfortable.
I think the fact that you are concerned about it already makes it likely that you won't have any problem with women on the trail. Just be yourself, treat them like you would want your mom or your sister to be treated, and remember that jerks come in both genders.
:) Mindi

Sly
01-26-2006, 01:56
Instead of Scott worrying about "the male syndrome" of comforting females on the trail, he should consider most women are at more ease on the trail and not worried so much and will likely out hike him.

Clementine Lindt
01-26-2006, 03:20
a giant tube of lube,
oh my... got that damn staight...! lol. I'm sure that wouldnt be on my "light packing" list.

__C____

Cookerhiker
01-26-2006, 11:23
I think that was just the right thing to have done. I could imagine being that woman hiker, and I think it was very nice of you to chat and show her that you were to be trusted. It really is a bit of a vulnerable feeling out there in the woods - I mean, I know the statistics and they are very positive and reassuring - but the numbers sometimes don't help when it is pitch black out and something is crinkling somewhere!

Jane in CT

p.s. Thanks for the encouraging words on the age thing. Whether or not most days I look 48, on the trail I sure don't feel it!

It so happens that my favorite woman hiking partner is also 48 (and looks great!)

Buckingham
01-26-2006, 11:53
I hope by 'strange' you mean a guy with wandering eyes, cheesy pickup lines, a giant tube of lube, and a gun.

The last time I ran into a guy with a giant tube of lube on the trail, it was quite strange indeed. He set up a camera and told me we were going to make our own little film, "Bareback Mountain". Flashbacks of Ned Beatty swirled through my mind as I raced far, far away. Never turn your back on a guy with a giant tube of lube.

gsingjane
01-26-2006, 12:10
Buckingham, there are a lot of places on the internet where you can go and post your fantasies. This board isn't one of them.

Sincerely,

Jane in CT

Buckingham
01-26-2006, 12:26
Buckingham, there are a lot of places on the internet where you can go and post your fantasies. This board isn't one of them.

Sincerely,

Jane in CT

If you look at my number of posts, or actually read one or two of them, you will see that I am quite familiar with what this board is for. I was merely attempting to add a little levity, as is my want, and is my right, to do so. I was not intending to be rude, and if that is how you percieved it, then I apologize, I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that you totally lack a sense of humor.

Rain Man
01-26-2006, 15:27
If you look at my number of posts, or actually read one or two of them, you will see that I am quite familiar with what this board is for. I was merely attempting to add a little levity, as is my want, and is my right, to do so. I was not intending to be rude, and if that is how you percieved it, then I apologize, I'm sorry. I'm also sorry that you totally lack a sense of humor.

Right now I'd say you owe a big apology for your apology.

ANY apology that is couched in lots of exculpatory and self-justifying clauses, and on top of that includes retorts and insults, isn't much of an apology. Hell, it's NOT an apology at all.

I have learned that when someone goes beyond "I'm sorry for what I did," they often don't mean they're sorry for what they did.

Buckingham, if your first strike was a close call (in your own mind), your second swing at the ball wasn't even close. You care for a third try to get it right, or you just wanna strike out big time?

Rain Man

.

dixicritter
01-26-2006, 15:58
Gentlemen... As the Moderator of this forum, I am only going to say this one more time. This forum is for the women and girls to feel Comfortable to post their questions. When it was first created y'all pitched such a fit that Attroll suggested it only be viewable by the females that it was decided to leave it open to all who would participate in a civilized manner. Now I know that some of the gentlemen on WB have posted very good questions to the ladies, and to those I say thank you for being considerate in your posting style.

That is all that is asked for in this forum, consideration and a little cooth. There will be no flame wars here either. As a matter of fact y'all have just prompted me to post a sticky stating exactly what the intent of this forum is.

I absolutely HATE that it comes down to this, but any male who posts to this forum in an inflamatory and/or disrespectful way WILL be banned from being able to post in this forum ever again.

Buckingham
01-26-2006, 16:52
Once again, my intitial post was a JOKE! Sheesh, had I known that there was going to be this much controversy over a little bit of harmless humor, I would'nt have posted at all. I merely responded to a funny thread, that was already posted, and I get chastized and insulted for my troubles. I guess some people have nothing better to do than pick apart other peoples words, so that they can lord thier moral superiority over them. Does'nt anyone just laugh anymore? Life is too short to be so miserable, lighten up already.

RockyTrail
01-26-2006, 18:03
I admire all you ladies that hike, especially solo. My hat is off to you! :clap

While I agree that 99% of the time there is nothing to worry about, I understand your concerns. You have my support. If somebody gives you trouble and I'm around, I'll be glad to "jerk a knot" in him for you and I think most males on the trail would feel the same way. I'd want someone to do the same for my wife or daughter.

dixicritter
01-26-2006, 20:53
Once again, my intitial post was a JOKE! Sheesh, had I known that there was going to be this much controversy over a little bit of harmless humor, I would'nt have posted at all. I merely responded to a funny thread, that was already posted, and I get chastized and insulted for my troubles. I guess some people have nothing better to do than pick apart other peoples words, so that they can lord thier moral superiority over them. Does'nt anyone just laugh anymore? Life is too short to be so miserable, lighten up already.

I did not specifically point my remarks earlier in this thread to you alone. They were and are intended for ALL males who view and/or post in this forum.

Understood that your post was intended as a joke, however as was stated when this forum was initially created (by Attroll) it was to be for the females to discuss issues pertinent to them without some of the tasteless (to most of us) jokes that guys are sometimes prone to make. It has absolutely nothing to do with my feeling morally superior to you, but the fact that I took on the responsibility for this forum as a female Moderator.

This thread was started by a guy asking what seemed to be a serious question of the ladies, and no one has "chastised and insulted" him for it because he kept his remarks mostly clean (with the exception of the tube of lube remark).

When a female member of this forum asked you not to post your joke here, you snapped back at her in your apology. If accusing everyone of not having a sense of humor isn't rude then I guess I don't know what constitutes rude behavior. Follow all of this up with making inflamatory remarks to and about the ethics of the Moderator... well that always makes sense I suppose. :eek:

Hammock Hanger
01-27-2006, 01:39
I had so many "big brothers" out on the trail that it really helped me feel comfortable and helped my husband not to worry so much. -- It was great when he was able to meet some of them at Trail Days and know that there were great guys out there keeping an eye on his wife "in a good way".
Sue/HH

rickb
01-27-2006, 11:00
As a male this is my first (and probably last) post to this forum. But I can't resist giving another perspective.

One weekend AT trip fifteen years ago, a woman on a solo weekend trip walked up to the shelter I was staying at. Turned out we had a ton of things in common.

The thing was, I was so very concerned about not making her feel uncomfortable, I made sure I didn't ask even basic personal questions-- like what town she lived in. I though about asking for her phone number, but came to the conclusion that wouldn't be cool out in the woods.

In any event, we discovered a couple weeks later that we both lived in the same apartment building a couple hundred miles away, and have been together ever since.

Not sure what my point is other than to tell my story once again, and also say that there is a fine line between making someone feel comfortable, and well, missing out on something special. Something like that, anyway; its hard to articulate.

firefly
01-28-2006, 09:49
I think what happened on this post is a good example of what happens out there in the real world. Buckingham was making a joke to make everybody laugh. If you know Buckingham from this forum the joke is funny. My brothers joke like this all the time and I am use to their humor. But Buckingham made a mistake that many nice guys make..he does not realize the effect it has on females who do not know that he is joking. Many women have to deal with unwanted advances from male coworkers, bosses, teammates ect. It usually starts with a comment similar to the one in the joke..and is the signal that things are about to go downhill fast. Sometimes it stops there but sometimes it doesn't..it evolves to other things and you have to quit your job, change your team, file a grievence ect, ect ect. Sometimes you get assualted. This is the real world to women...its unfortunate but true and it is always there. Thats why the joke was funny to some but pushed a huge button in others. So take note all you nice guys out there who don't want to make women feel uncomfortable. Save those type of comments for the women who really know you and they will be halarious.

Ridge
01-29-2006, 05:08
You kinda need to get in with different crowds, to at least camp with at days end. I wouldn't worry too much about hiking solo. I had trouble socializing at some shelters I visited manly because I didn't smoke cigs or pot and maybe I looked suspicious. Also, I wouldn't count on finding other females, only because of the lower numbers. I can remember running into one solo female hiker while on the trail, saw lots of "pairs" and "groups" of females. I wouldn't worry if I was you.

Twofiddy
01-30-2006, 10:13
Um,

Lets see here.

Back in 03, between Springer and Damascus, I probably had about 5 opportuities to befriend certain females, some of which are on this forum.

Really if you are just a normal person, with average physical apperance, and can socialize on just about any kind of level, I think that your chances are very good, if you are looking for it, to meet and possibly hook up with 1, 2, 3 single women during the course of a thru-hike.

The one individual who I enjoyed hiking with, and who I had shared several experiences with, none of which were intimate, but I could have seen that happening in the future... well needless to say I figured it out when a group of us got picked up in North Carolina to take a night off the trail in real beds in some ones real home. She was banging the dude, twice her age, because he was supporting her hike and her pot habbit.

The AT thru-hiking crowd is just like real life. There is a banker, a cop, a fire fighter, a dentist, a retail clerk, a pot smoker, a parolee, a ****, a whore, an exotic dancer, an alcoholic, guys and girls who are gay, married couples, couples who need to get divorced, thiefs, priests, judges, and even celebrities like Baltimore Jack.

Dont worry about who you are, you should fit right in to the crowd.

The only thing that I wish is that people were a tad bit more considerate of others. There is a place in the woods to smoke pot, there is a place in the woods to be quite, there is a place in the woods for everyone. I personally found that being nice helped some...

Then I decided after walking in the rain for 3 months in the spring of 03 the nice $hit went out the window, it was every hiker for him self. Dont like something, either speak up, make threats, back it up, or shut up. I had bug protection that worked in the shelters so after the skeeters got real bad I spend many nights in the shelter alone while everyone else camped. That was fun. It would have been better if a certain female did not have to screw her way along the trail while hiking with me, and bonding with me etc, and would have been there later on to enjoy those things, but what can you do??

ssjett
02-10-2006, 13:20
I had a creepy experience in the Shenandoahs last summer, so packed up from the shelter I was at & hiked another 9 miles - making it an over 20 mile day (way too much!) Pulled into the shelter I'd aimed for, only to find a man - with beer - had taken possession. Now, I was already more freaked than I normally would be because of the earlier encounter, & this thru-hiker, bless his soul, figured that out right away & did everything right.

Although already a bit tipsy, he went out of his way to asssure me he was good folks. He'd encountered the guy, too, & knew what I'd had to deal with, so we commiserated a bit. We talked about stoves and gear. He offered to keep watch through the night for the creepy-guy (though I could tell he'd be asleep before I was!) He talked about his girlfriend back home. And his mother & sisters. He apologized repeatedly for his tipsiness after establishing that I didn't want to help him finish off the 6-pack. He said he wished he felt comfortable asking for my phone number, but with what I'd just been through, it wouldn't be appropriate. I agreed that it wouldn't be appropriate, & he backed off immediately. He was a perfect gentleman, and even his foray into tentative flirting didn't bother me, because it was obviously just an offer, not a demand.

I think the earlier poster got it right. Treat everyone like a fellow hiker no matter who it is, man or woman. Offer a woman the same respect you'd offer your mother or your sister and she'll feel comfortable enough to relax around you.

Wonder
02-10-2006, 15:09
Way I see it is you are more likely to get jumped outside your home........statisticaly speaking. Anyway, if I can deal with 100 drunk men every night....a sober one shouldn't be too bad :-)

sparky2000
02-10-2006, 15:38
I liked the lady who said, "let the women follow their instincts." Don't appoint thyself as the nanny for the ladies - that's the mistake I make.

4whim
02-10-2006, 21:58
I see camo, the booze or drugs come out, and questions about safety and weapons directed my way,,,,red flags go up.

guys, not cool to get dk around women you have just met on the trail.

Was mntn biking the Telluride to Moab Hut to Hut couple of years ago. These two guys come roaring in (great white hunter) on ATV's sporting Glock 45's on their hips and we are in the middle of nowhere,,,I'm sure they thought nothing of it,,,but definately was cause for consternation (would much rather not see the weapon,,,not sure the great need to have it seen)

Ridge
05-01-2006, 20:34
http://www.cumberlink.com/articles/2006/05/01/news/news27.txt


Article with saftey tips

Buckingham
05-02-2006, 11:06
I think what happened on this post is a good example of what happens out there in the real world. Buckingham was making a joke to make everybody laugh. If you know Buckingham from this forum the joke is funny. My brothers joke like this all the time and I am use to their humor. But Buckingham made a mistake that many nice guys make..he does not realize the effect it has on females who do not know that he is joking. Many women have to deal with unwanted advances from male coworkers, bosses, teammates ect. It usually starts with a comment similar to the one in the joke..and is the signal that things are about to go downhill fast. Sometimes it stops there but sometimes it doesn't..it evolves to other things and you have to quit your job, change your team, file a grievence ect, ect ect. Sometimes you get assualted. This is the real world to women...its unfortunate but true and it is always there. Thats why the joke was funny to some but pushed a huge button in others. So take note all you nice guys out there who don't want to make women feel uncomfortable. Save those type of comments for the women who really know you and they will be halarious.Thank-you firefly. I merely attempted to make people smile. It obviously did'nt work very well. But rather than simply stating my joke was not welcome, I was personally slammed, a crack about my "fantasies". Was that called for? I don't think so. I have always strived to be polite and curteous in this forum. Now several comments on this thread have perpetuated this bashing, all because I responded in kind to a rude comment. Do 2 wrongs make a right? Not if most of you only see 1 wrong, and that is the shame of it all. Apparently the sexes will never be equal, in this forum at least.

Just for the edification of my haters; I was raised by my mother alone, and living under her guidance I learned to appreciate the great strength of character that it takes to be a strong woman. I live with my wife and daughter, all of my co-workers are females as I am the lone male employee. I have always, and will always, have nothing but the utmost respect for women. But if anyone still needs to characterize me in a less than flattering way, go for it, I'll take your slings and arrows if it helps you sleep at night.