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Doc_Holiday
01-29-2017, 19:54
Sorry if this isn't posted it quite the right section. Noob to the site (which is great by the way).

So the dilemma , like other before me Im sure, is questioning wether a not a thru hike is possible at all. Im a 28 year old married mad with a 5 year old daughter. House, bills, job, etc. I hear everyone just say go for it or just do it but. As a somewhat responsible adult i just don't see it as possible that way. I know i could section hike it but with my schedule there would be no possible way for me to link it all together in a calendar year to consider it a thru hike. And lets be real. I want to do it from start to finish in one trip or as close to it as possible anyway. So I'm hoping someone has some tips or ideas that maybe i haven't run across to think about. Or will it come to Ill just have to wit till Im retired or further along in life than I am. Thanks for any help or advice in advanced.

Lone Wolf
01-29-2017, 19:58
now is not the time for a 6 month vacation

kayak karl
01-29-2017, 20:03
Its a decision you need to make. Lets say if you were locked up for 5 months and had to pay $20 a day. Would you have a wife, house, car, job or a life when you got out ?? If yes....Go for it.

canoe
01-29-2017, 20:05
sure its possible

moldy
01-29-2017, 20:05
Life sure comes at you fast. No, I think that your thru hike left port some time ago and unless you win the lottery or something, your thru hike dream will just have to bide it's time. Who knows what the future has in store for you. Life is fast and fragile, don't screw it up.

Dan Roper
01-29-2017, 20:05
Your highest duties now are as father and husband. You child needs you more than you need the Appalachian Trail. As your daughter gets older (and as you add new children, if that's in the cards) take them on hikes and backpacking trips and other outdoors adventures. If they grow up doing it and enjoy doing it, there may come a day when you can lead your entire family on a thru hike. There was a family of six or so that did that a year ago, with children ranging from married to about 11. Or, if your kids aren't doing that, there will come a day when they have grown up and you'll again have some freedom to do something like a thru hike.

You'll probably get lots of advice the other way. The world today is pretty caught up in the idea of freedom to enjoy yourself. But when you take wedding vows and make children, you have assumed responsibilities with far great implications than the AT. As time goes on, you'll be very thankful that you invested your time and priorities in your family.

FreeGoldRush
01-29-2017, 20:14
We first satisfy the needs of our family and secure our future before we take off for 6 months on an entirely selfish endeavor. That's just how life works when one is responsible. School, career, and serving others with our work all come first. And yes, hiking is an entirely selfish endeavor. It's fantastic but we sure aren't doing it for someone else.

That's just my opinion. There are definitely other ways to get through life.

Turtle-2013
01-29-2017, 20:19
I only have a question ... WHY are you opposed to a multi-year (even multi decade) section hike?

Doc_Holiday
01-29-2017, 20:19
Your highest duties now are as father and husband. You child needs you more than you need the Appalachian Trail. As your daughter gets older (and as you add new children, if that's in the cards) take them on hikes and backpacking trips and other outdoors adventures. If they grow up doing it and enjoy doing it, there may come a day when you can lead your entire family on a thru hike. There was a family of six or so that did that a year ago, with children ranging from married to about 11. Or, if your kids aren't doing that, there will come a day when they have grown up and you'll again have some freedom to do something like a thru hike.


You'll probably get lots of advice the other way. The world today is pretty caught up in the idea of freedom to enjoy yourself. But when you take wedding vows and make children, you have assumed responsibilities with far great implications than the AT. As time goes on, you'll be very thankful that you invested your time and priorities in your family.

thanks for that. I feel like my thought process is the same. It does suck that i didn't learn of the AT earlier in life like most others do. But I do keep m family out doors now so who knows. A family thru hike might be in the future! So i guess ill just do sections for now as time permits which is definitely better than not doing it at all. And maybe i can get out and offer trail magic for the thru hikers that are getting the opportunity to do it.

Doc_Holiday
01-29-2017, 20:22
I only have a question ... WHY are you opposed to a multi-year (even multi decade) section hike?


Its not that I'm opposed and most likely will do it. Im just always up for a challenge and doing it on straight 5 to 6 month journey is tithe big challenge. But as said Im a father and a husband. And even with my wife being very supportive of the idea, I don't think it will happen anytime soon. or atlas until my daughter is old enough to understand it.

Dan Roper
01-29-2017, 20:23
Hey, Doc, I've been right there. I've had two regrets in my life, one of them being that I didn't hike the AT back during my college years, when I had the "freedom" to do so.

I got married, had three children, a job, church, and the usual responsibilities of being an adult. But my wife and I raised our children to love the outdoors. We've camped from Death Valley to Acadia National Park. We've hiked all over the place. And me and my boys have section hiked from Springer to Damascus, beginning in 2007.

I'm just about to have an empty nest, but I doubt I'll be able to swing the time to do a thru hike. I own a small business and it's nearly impossible for somebody to step in while I'm gone. So I'll probably just continue to do section hikes for the foreseeable future.

But having kids? Raising kids? Loving kids? Teaching kids? The greatest privilege of my life.

Doc_Holiday
01-29-2017, 20:24
We first satisfy the needs of our family and secure our future before we take off for 6 months on an entirely selfish endeavor. That's just how life works when one is responsible. School, career, and serving others with our work all come first. And yes, hiking is an entirely selfish endeavor. It's fantastic but we sure aren't doing it for someone else.

That's just my opinion. There are definitely other ways to get through life.

Thanks for the reply. I honestly never stepped back and realized how selfish long distance hiking really is.

Doc_Holiday
01-29-2017, 20:27
Hey, Doc, I've been right there. I've had two regrets in my life, one of them being that I didn't hike the AT back during my college years, when I had the "freedom" to do so.

I got married, had three children, a job, church, and the usual responsibilities of being an adult. But my wife and I raised our children to love the outdoors. We've camped from Death Valley to Acadia National Park. We've hiked all over the place. And me and my boys have section hiked from Springer to Damascus, beginning in 2007.

I'm just about to have an empty nest, but I doubt I'll be able to swing the time to do a thru hike. I own a small business and it's nearly impossible for somebody to step in while I'm gone. So I'll probably just continue to do section hikes for the foreseeable future.

But having kids? Raising kids? Loving kids? Teaching kids? The greatest privilege of my life.

Amen to that last part. I love being a dad more than anything. And i can not wait to be able to get her even more into the outdoors. I guess this is mostly me regretting not doing it earlier in life as you said and trying to find a way to do it and not feel like an irresponsible prick lol. Oh well. section hikes it is!

Turtle-2013
01-29-2017, 20:29
Let me assure you ... a multi-year section hike is the BIGGER challenge.
For one thing, as soon as you get your real trail legs, you will be off the trail ... only to start over next time.
Second, staying with it will be a challenge ... it is easy, especially early on, to stop the attempt.

BUT, the rewards are worth it .... you will meet a HUGE variety of other hikers across time as well as miles. AND, once your daughter is old enough she can some with you......

What I'm suggesting is that it isn't a LESSER challenge ... just a DIFFERENT challenge with it's own joys and rewards......

BTW ... I'm at 66.28% of the AT : )

Doc_Holiday
01-29-2017, 20:31
Let me assure you ... a multi-year section hike is the BIGGER challenge.
For one thing, as soon as you get your real trail legs, you will be off the trail ... only to start over next time.
Second, staying with it will be a challenge ... it is easy, especially early on, to stop the attempt.

BUT, the rewards are worth it .... you will meet a HUGE variety of other hikers across time as well as miles. AND, once your daughter is old enough she can some with you......

What I'm suggesting is that it isn't a LESSER challenge ... just a DIFFERENT challenge with it's own joys and rewards......

BTW ... I'm at 66.28% of the AT : )

Awesome! and good luck on your remaining journey. And again, I've never looked at it that way. That really would be a whole different challenge. But i like that the way you put it has me riled up again to go for the challenge. Thanks friend.

tour-kid
01-29-2017, 20:35
Never underestimate the value of taking a section hike to get reinspired to be the best dad you can be. That's what I do

Turtle-2013
01-29-2017, 20:39
Feel free to PM me for specific ideas and notions ... I have hiked everything in the south : )

Doc_Holiday
01-29-2017, 20:43
Ill def keep you in mind as questions arise. And i know they will.

Turtle-2013
01-29-2017, 20:52
Actually, let me throw out a couple things that I have really enjoyed ... but do PM me about anything.

First, while I have already hiked about half the trail ... I did GA in early April WITH the bubble. It was GREAT, it gave me a chance to experience starting the trail with all the newbies. Generally I don't like hiking in such crowded conditions, but I have several friends from that trip that I'm still in touch with. Someday I might do it again (once I complete my section hike)

Second, I did the same thing at the other end, climbing Katahdin and hiking the bulk of the 100 mile wilderness in July with the smaller thru hiker bubble.

Third, a couple times I hiked south through the NOBO bubble. While you don't really get to know many thru hikers ... it give you a REAL appreciation of how many people are on the trail.

Those are just three suggestions that might enhance your section hiking experience.....

P.S. for all of her high school years my daughter (now in college) did all my section hikes with me : )

Engine
01-29-2017, 20:53
Amen to that last part. I love being a dad more than anything. And i can not wait to be able to get her even more into the outdoors. I guess this is mostly me regretting not doing it earlier in life as you said and trying to find a way to do it and not feel like an irresponsible prick lol. Oh well. section hikes it is!

Section hikes rock, and you'll enjoy them I'm sure. But, don't give up on your thru-hike dreams. I dreamed of thru hiking my entire career, but family obligations forced me to put it off. I was blessed to be able to retire early this past September and I'm only a few weeks away from starting our dream hike. You can make it happen, just not until you've put in the father/provider time...

MuddyWaters
01-29-2017, 21:07
Either you gave the financial wherewithal to do it in your situation

Or you dont

What I heard, is you dont

You can change that...maybe...or maybe not.

People have done it in your situation. It takes a commitment from both spouses to make it happen.

Nothing wrong with targeting 2-4 weeks per yr of hiking. And theres a lot of places more desireable than the AT to do it. If you get down to it, much of the AT pales in comparison to other places you could be.

LIhikers
01-29-2017, 21:08
My wife and I have been section hiking the AT for 16 years.
We've enjoyed every section we've hiked even though it's been over the years.
We've met some great people, done some fun things, and am glad we've done it.
Thru hiking isn't the only way to hike the Appalachian Trail and enjoy it.

illabelle
01-29-2017, 21:39
Our first section hike of the year isn't until mid-March, and it's just a weekender. It seems so far away. Such a drag waiting for the weeks to go by. But when it gets close, I get excited. Can't wait to get out there! Then another weekend two weeks later. Then mid-May a whole week! Yay! Big smiles! Section-hiking is great! :)

Thinspace
01-29-2017, 22:27
I get the impression that you feel if you don't do it now you never will. From what I understand the demographics of who thru hikes the AT are basically 2 groups, young or college age people who have not really started lives, families, or are taking a break in between college and career, etc., and older folks who are retired or retirement age who have already raised families and have established themselves financially and so situated they have the time and finances to do so. I'm approaching 68 and while the window is definitely closing I still entertain the idea. Who knows? Never say never. I certainly wouldn't be the oldest person ever to do it. Far from it.

Hikingjim
01-29-2017, 22:32
I had a daughter at a similar time in life to you (23). She is almost 13 now, and I have done a ton of hiking along the way, both with my family and on my own.
No multi-month thru-hikes. Simply not worth missing all that time just for myself, or the lost wages. I would also be a bit disoriented when I got back into routine!
But I have managed to do outdoor activity (hike & canoe) about 3-8 weeks every years for at least the last 10 years. My daughter comes on some of it (prefers canoeing), but she climbed mount mansfield at age 7, washington & franconia notch at age 9, and dozens of other fantastic day hikes and other short backpacking trips.
I never pushed it, but integrating what you love into your family life is possible, combined with some challenging solo ventures to keep things interesting

I spend a bit on airfare and the fact that I take extra vacation, but after years of that, still cheaper than taking 6 months off work.

But wait.... the best news: with a 5 year old at only age 28, you will only be early 40s when she's in college or doing whatever else, and you have many years to thru-hike if you so choose

trailmercury
01-30-2017, 00:02
Sorry if this isn't posted it quite the right section. Noob to the site (which is great by the way).

So the dilemma , like other before me Im sure, is questioning wether a not a thru hike is possible at all. Im a 28 year old married mad with a 5 year old daughter. House, bills, job, etc. I hear everyone just say go for it or just do it but. As a somewhat responsible adult i just don't see it as possible that way. I know i could section hike it but with my schedule there would be no possible way for me to link it all together in a calendar year to consider it a thru hike. And lets be real. I want to do it from start to finish in one trip or as close to it as possible anyway. So I'm hoping someone has some tips or ideas that maybe i haven't run across to think about. Or will it come to Ill just have to wit till Im retired or further along in life than I am. Thanks for any help or advice in advanced.

Have you read "AWOL on the Appalachian Trail"?
30 something male with a family at home, made it all the way, good read as well...

Gambit McCrae
01-30-2017, 09:11
Its not that I'm opposed and most likely will do it. Im just always up for a challenge and doing it on straight 5 to 6 month journey is tithe big challenge. But as said Im a father and a husband. And even with my wife being very supportive of the idea, I don't think it will happen anytime soon. or atlas until my daughter is old enough to understand it.

How is having no responsibilities other then waking up to sunrises and walking all day more of a challenge then living every day life, keeping a full time job, supporting your family and when you get a chance to walk 100 miles, 30 miles, 10 miles of the trail driving 5 hours (one way), knocking it out without the conditioning of those sunrises and walking every day. And then drive the 5 hours back home (I choose 5 hours because that is how far Athens is from the southern terminus of the AT - You are lucky, some of this....less challenged section hikers have to drive 10+ hours or fly to the trail) to continue the real world of taking care of family, house etc. I know "this one guy", who has invested over 30,000 miles of wear and tear on his vehicle over the past 3 years completing the trail.

You have to make the choice but if I were lucky enough to have a wife and 5 year old they would be my first priority, not living in the woods for 6 months.

fyi taking 6 months to complete the trail comes out to 12 miles a day. most working class citizens walk 12 miles a day during every day life. A challenge would be doing it in 2.5-3 months

Greenlight
01-30-2017, 09:17
Be there for your wife and daughter. Include your daughter in outdoor activities and while she's small, gauge them to her size and capabilities when you go out together. Take her hiking. Feed off of the wonder that she'll display through the seasons. In other words, raise a hiker. Hike near your home. Do car camping and outdoor activities that will hook her for life. That would be my advice. If you were single, or married and you wife would hike it with you, I'd say go for it, but now? I dunno, friend, it's up to you. I wouldn't. I would go hiking. Even section hikes sometimes without the family but the AT right now? Ah.....your little one should be your priority.

Bronk
01-30-2017, 09:52
Wait 10 years. Or divorce your wife and explain to your daughter that what you want is more important than she is.

Starchild
01-30-2017, 10:13
Teach your child the ways of Nature and the trail seems like a higher calling.

Sarcasm the elf
01-30-2017, 10:17
Have you read "AWOL on the Appalachian Trail"?
30 something male with a family at home, made it all the way, good read as well...

"Sometimes the Appalachian Trail Is" by J. Michael Osmond (Gator Gump) is another example. In both cases both families were supportive of the decision and it took several years of planning.

"Zero Days" by Barbara Egbert is also a great one about a mother, father and ten year old daughter that hiker the PCT together. Again, quite an unusual situation, but a cool read.

peakbagger
01-30-2017, 10:26
Is there anyway I can make a thru hike happen? To me the question is Is there anyway I should make a thru hike happen?.

Raise an outdoor oriented kid now and you wont regret it.

windlion
01-30-2017, 10:50
Senior section hiker here, saying focus on your daughter -- every month of her growing years you share with her, you'll always remember. Lots of grayer hairs than me out there doing the full ride, so you've got time to infect her with the white blaze madness. Then when she is clipping off 30 a day and leaves you behind, you can amble along and actually enjoy the scenery (which is another reason I chose section hiking).

Sent from my SM-T550 using Tapatalk

rhjanes
01-30-2017, 12:11
What others have said. Your daughter, your wife, your long-term financial health, all should come before a hike.

I'll recommend two books. "Two Tents" which I'm still reading. A well written book about a 21 year hike on the AT.
"Appalachian Odyssey", also a section hike book. He took 28 years. Some of the hikes were one and two days. Some were up to two weeks in length. He also carried what many would consider a VERY heavy pack for it. You'd get a sense of the logistics of doing sections as they fit into you current life.
Both may be ordered from the ATC.

Maineiac64
01-30-2017, 12:28
If you wanted to do a thru it will become increasingly more difficult until you hit about 45 and then maybe get a bit more feasible. Now is likely the best time for a long time, not that this makes it worthwhile to do all factors considered. Usually things like this solve themselves because we weigh the costs and trade-offs against our desire and we don't have enough desire. It all comes down to your resolve, your ability to be creative with those things that would hold you back, planning, saving, etc. I am sure your family would be proud of your accomplishment especially if you figured it out and they were supported. If your dreams are important enough you will find a way.

Traveler
01-30-2017, 14:09
Sorry if this isn't posted it quite the right section. Noob to the site (which is great by the way).

So the dilemma , like other before me Im sure, is questioning wether a not a thru hike is possible at all. Im a 28 year old married mad with a 5 year old daughter. House, bills, job, etc. I hear everyone just say go for it or just do it but. As a somewhat responsible adult i just don't see it as possible that way. I know i could section hike it but with my schedule there would be no possible way for me to link it all together in a calendar year to consider it a thru hike. And lets be real. I want to do it from start to finish in one trip or as close to it as possible anyway. So I'm hoping someone has some tips or ideas that maybe i haven't run across to think about. Or will it come to Ill just have to wit till Im retired or further along in life than I am. Thanks for any help or advice in advanced.

As stated, there are a great many facets involved, including philosophical. No answer right, no answer wrong, but being unsettled about it can be nearly as bad as making the wrong decision. There is an axiom I use in these situations, which can also be applied to a great number of things. That axiom being "If there's a doubt, there is no doubt".

It sounds like you are very unsure of taking this task of the full AT on right now, so under the axiom its probably best not to and wait for a better moment in life than trying to force it now. The compromise position of course is to engage in section hiking the AT as many, if not most people do. Otherwise, when there are doubts such as those you mention, there really is no doubt.

LIhikers
01-30-2017, 14:31
Let me suggest you get started doing sections of the trail when and where you can.
50 miles here, 75 miles there, 30 mile weekend hikes, and before you know it you'll have some serious mileage under your belt.
The enjoyment can start now and need not wait for a thru hike to enjoy and appreciate the Appalachian Trail.

ScareBear
01-30-2017, 15:58
I'm glad I waded through the responses before teeing off on you Doc.

I'm glad that you saw the selfishness in your desire.

I'm glad that you want to be a great dad.

I'm worried that the thought took enough root in your mind that it took strangers on the Internet to convince you of your selfishness. Because, honestly, the first thing I thought of when I read your OP was "Narcissistic Personality Disorder"...just sayin...

4eyedbuzzard
01-30-2017, 16:27
Do a one or two week section hike. Then reevaluate your desire to thru-hike. You may likely find that you miss the people, things, and life you leave behind as well. If the desire is still obsessive, figure out a financial plan. You would have to have a full year's salary in the bank to cover costs of hiking and reentry. And then you would be sacrificing saved funds that could and perhaps should be going into retirement and/or education savings. Short of being independently wealthy, or with a business that continues to produce income while you are hiking, you will join the ranks of the 99%ers who never thru-hike. Welcome to a big club.

One Half
01-30-2017, 18:18
Sorry if this isn't posted it quite the right section. Noob to the site (which is great by the way).

So the dilemma , like other before me Im sure, is questioning wether a not a thru hike is possible at all. Im a 28 year old married mad with a 5 year old daughter. House, bills, job, etc. I hear everyone just say go for it or just do it but. As a somewhat responsible adult i just don't see it as possible that way. I know i could section hike it but with my schedule there would be no possible way for me to link it all together in a calendar year to consider it a thru hike. And lets be real. I want to do it from start to finish in one trip or as close to it as possible anyway. So I'm hoping someone has some tips or ideas that maybe i haven't run across to think about. Or will it come to Ill just have to wit till Im retired or further along in life than I am. Thanks for any help or advice in advanced.


I would say you likely need to wait about 13 years. (more if you have more kids). Our son just moved out on his own. We are likely waiting about 3 more years before we do our thru hike. We were actually looking to buy a house this coming fall. We last owned a house about 3 years ago and have moved twice and decided both times to rent for a bit. We have now decided we will not buy a house until after we do the thru as owning a house would make the finances REALLY difficult. It's a choice we have decided to make even though our families think we are nuts but we know with a mortgage, we won't be thru hiking.

eggymane
01-30-2017, 21:35
You know a benefit to doing it in sections- you can better choose the weather and conditions you hike in! There's always an up side brother, keep the dream alive!

capehiker
01-30-2017, 23:03
How about a compromise? Talk to the wife and set a time for 3 years from now. This will give you time to save money, slowly collect gear, and plan for the next phase after the trail. I know I'm out of the norm, but I don't think it's selfish per se. I mean, if you left this year, yes it's selfish. But there's nothing wrong with "self care" that allows you to be a better person, husband, and father. Your child will survive the equivalent of 1 "deployment" when you're gone.

egilbe
01-31-2017, 08:33
The Kallin family hiked the trail together. Why can't your family hike with you?


https://kallinfamily.com/

I met them. Those kids hike fast!

Hikingjim
01-31-2017, 08:43
How about a compromise? Talk to the wife and set a time for 3 years from now. This will give you time to save money, slowly collect gear, and plan for the next phase after the trail. I know I'm out of the norm, but I don't think it's selfish per se. I mean, if you left this year, yes it's selfish. But there's nothing wrong with "self care" that allows you to be a better person, husband, and father. Your child will survive the equivalent of 1 "deployment" when you're gone.

There is some truth to that, and really depends on circumstance. I guess a question is: would you also not mind if your wife took 6 months off work to go somewhere and spend thousands while making no attempt at earning income or raising your child? Financial loss is certainly magnified by the lost employment, which is half of what makes hiking a luxury

when I was 28, my answer to my wife would have been "heck yes, please leave for 6 years instead of 6 months". But that's why I got divorced...

ScareBear
01-31-2017, 08:52
How about a compromise? Talk to the wife and set a time for 3 years from now. This will give you time to save money, slowly collect gear, and plan for the next phase after the trail. I know I'm out of the norm, but I don't think it's selfish per se. I mean, if you left this year, yes it's selfish. But there's nothing wrong with "self care" that allows you to be a better person, husband, and father. Your child will survive the equivalent of 1 "deployment" when you're gone.

I have to disagree with almost all of this.

First, when you say there is nothing wrong with "self-care" to make you a better father, that just is all smoke that a narcissist blows to obfuscate his true motive....which is to do what HE wants and get HIS way. This isn't a long-term alcohol or drug rehab we are talking about here. Its the freaking trail. If OP is so fooked up that he needs 5 or 6 months to get right, and in doing so essentially abandons his familial responsibilities, then OP needs more than the AT. A lot more...that type of "self-help" should be reserved for those who need it, like addicts and the mentally ill, when it causes you to just take a powder on your responsibilities.

Second, comparing the voluntary decision to abandon your family and hike the AT with the equivalent of a military deployment overseas and saying the child will survive does great disservice to the men and women in the service. Not a single one of them would say:
"Yep, that deployment did my 5 year old a world of good. She didn't get to see me for 5 months, finished her first year of school without me, started another year of school without me, lost teeth without me, and had a birthday without me. When I returned it took more than a month to reconnect and catch up. Yep, my 5 year old benefited from not having me around for 5 months..."

Here is the deal. Nobody forced OP to put a ring on that gal's finger and promise he wouldn't leave her. Nobody forced OP to make a baby with her. Nobody is forcing OP to stay with them.

But even the thought of abandoning them should be so repulsive to you that the fact you are on here trying to justify OP's choice shows me that you think it's fine to be selfish as long as YOU get to grow. That, my friend, is the textbook definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

Maineiac64
01-31-2017, 10:08
I have to disagree with almost all of this.

First, when you say there is nothing wrong with "self-care" to make you a better father, that just is all smoke that a narcissist blows to obfuscate his true motive....which is to do what HE wants and get HIS way. This isn't a long-term alcohol or drug rehab we are talking about here. Its the freaking trail. If OP is so fooked up that he needs 5 or 6 months to get right, and in doing so essentially abandons his familial responsibilities, then OP needs more than the AT. A lot more...that type of "self-help" should be reserved for those who need it, like addicts and the mentally ill, when it causes you to just take a powder on your responsibilities.

Second, comparing the voluntary decision to abandon your family and hike the AT with the equivalent of a military deployment overseas and saying the child will survive does great disservice to the men and women in the service. Not a single one of them would say:
"Yep, that deployment did my 5 year old a world of good. She didn't get to see me for 5 months, finished her first year of school without me, started another year of school without me, lost teeth without me, and had a birthday without me. When I returned it took more than a month to reconnect and catch up. Yep, my 5 year old benefited from not having me around for 5 months..."

Here is the deal. Nobody forced OP to put a ring on that gal's finger and promise he wouldn't leave her. Nobody forced OP to make a baby with her. Nobody is forcing OP to stay with them.

But even the thought of abandoning them should be so repulsive to you that the fact you are on here trying to justify OP's choice shows me that you think it's fine to be selfish as long as YOU get to grow. That, my friend, is the textbook definition of Narcissistic Personality Disorder.

It's not the end of the world, damaging, nor in any respect irresponsible or abandoment for being gone for a few months as long as his family understands the motivation and has the resources to accomodate it. They can even do planned visits along the way and he can be in contact as he goes, plan some zeros together, etc. What if he won a $1m lottery and could easily bankroll it? It's a bit heavy handed to diagnose a disorder from a forum thread. ...Just sayin

Traffic Jam
01-31-2017, 10:35
I'm usually of the mindset that it's wrong to leave a young family to take a 6 month vacation. But some folks have done it successfully so it's possible. An advantage is that it is a positive example to kids on how great relationships and family teamwork can achieve great things. Children can play an active part in the planning and progress of the hike (although my opinion is that a 5 yr old is too young to fully understand and learn from this experience.)

Ask yourself these questions...

*Do I have a healthy marriage?
*Does my family work as a team with mutually-beneficial goals?
*Am I supportive of my spouse's personal goals and growth and do I assist her/him with achieving those goals?
(Do you even know what your spouse's goals are?)
*Do you take an active role in child rearing and maintaining the home?
*Are you financially stable?

If 'no', you've got some work to do. If 'yes', you might have the characteristics necessary to thru hike and come home to an intact, happy family.

ScareBear
01-31-2017, 14:12
It's not the end of the world, damaging, nor in any respect irresponsible or abandoment for being gone for a few months as long as his family understands the motivation and has the resources to accomodate it. They can even do planned visits along the way and he can be in contact as he goes, plan some zeros together, etc. What if he won a $1m lottery and could easily bankroll it? It's a bit heavy handed to diagnose a disorder from a forum thread. ...Just sayin

First of all, no five year old is going to "understand the motivation". None. All the five year old knows is that daddy is gone. And, it's not like Mom can say "Sweetie, your Dad is a brave soldier. There is a war on. He must go and serve his nation in a far far away land. Be proud of your Dad. Tell everyone you are proud of your soldier Dad." Instead, Mom is left saying"Well, your Dad felt he had to do this right now in your life. I'm sorry he's missed your loss of baby tooth/start of school/end of school/birthday/Easter/Memorial Day/Father's Day/Mother's Day/Fourth of July/Labor Day....because he is a selfish git who only thinks of himself"

Here's a good read-down of what a narcissist is...I can't take credit, that belongs to BPD Central c2014...
"Narcissists lack empathy, feel entitled and above the rules, and see other people as appendages whose sole purpose is to fill them with narcissistic supply."

If a wife and five year old daughter are so easily left behind to pursue a solely selfish goal(I don't want to hear about how personal growth on the trail makes you a better parent. What if you wind up like the dude who is hating his thru hike five months after? What if you get halfway and quit? Better parent for it? Not.) then they are mere appendages whose sole purpose is to exist for your pleasure. You have no empathy for them or you wouldn't even think about it.

"Honey, I've been obsessed with the AT and if I don't do it now, I'm going to _____________." "But honey, what about our little girl?" "You deal with her. She won't even know I'm gone." Is that about how the conversation goes?

Honestly, who but a selfish soul gives serious consideration to doing this to their wife and small child? Who?

martinb
01-31-2017, 16:35
I raised two daughters, there's no way I can imagine missing 6 months in their short times growing up. They are now grown and I'm wondering where the time went. Either take her and your wife with you or wait. The trail isn't going anywhere.

capehiker
01-31-2017, 18:56
I offered an alternative. Some of you don't like what I had to say. That's cool, but seriously, trying to diagnose me or what I had to say off of one paragraph is a little silly. If you're going to diagnose someone taking 6 months to hike the AT while they have a family at home, you are casting a wide net and making a lot of assumptions. Perhaps you should set up camp on Springer Mountain/Katahdin and make sure nobody is leaving kids at home?

ScareBear- I don't need a lesson on deployments, especially after 23 years of doing them. Get over yourself.

LongBlaze2019
01-31-2017, 19:06
Dang.... Someone needs a chill pill lol
My advice. Irnore everything you've read and talk to your wife. Do what you BOTH feel is the right thing to do. At the end of the day it's upto you and your family.
HYOH

Sent from my N9519 using Tapatalk

BonBon
01-31-2017, 19:18
"My advice. Irnore everything you've read and talk to your wife. Do what you BOTH feel is the right thing to do. At the end of the day it's upto you and your family.
HYOH"

^^^This. It is between you and your family. You better get a thick skin too, if you ask for advice on this forum! Good luck!

ScareBear
01-31-2017, 19:44
I offered an alternative. Some of you don't like what I had to say. That's cool, but seriously, trying to diagnose me or what I had to say off of one paragraph is a little silly. If you're going to diagnose someone taking 6 months to hike the AT while they have a family at home, you are casting a wide net and making a lot of assumptions. Perhaps you should set up camp on Springer Mountain/Katahdin and make sure nobody is leaving kids at home?

ScareBear- I don't need a lesson on deployments, especially after 23 years of doing them. Get over yourself.

After just one deployment, you would know the issues with separation from family. It boggles my mind that you would even dare to compare the hardships of a military family with a forced deployment with that of a hedonist seeking some inner fulfillment at the cost of a voluntary separation from family. The former is to be commended, respected and even admired. The latter....not so much. As to your repeated deployments, as my father would say "Where the heck was this guy deployed to? Bangkok? Worst day is leaving, best day is boots on the porch." I don't know any soldier or sailor who looks forward to the deployment when compared to the pain inflicted upon his family by deployment. I'm guessing you were single those 23 years or you would have some empathy for this cat's wife. Or, if not, perhaps you are, in fact, a narcissist. There's nothing wrong with it, if you are. Because, you didn't cause it. It's a personality disorder. Likely something with your childhood. Just sayin...

ScareBear
01-31-2017, 19:47
"My advice. Irnore everything you've read and talk to your wife. Do what you BOTH feel is the right thing to do. At the end of the day it's upto you and your family.
HYOH"

^^^This. It is between you and your family. You better get a thick skin too, if you ask for advice on this forum! Good luck!

So, the 5 year old doesn't get a say? Counting on Mom to look out for her best interests? Because, daddy sure aint...just sayin...

Doc_Holiday
01-31-2017, 19:48
Dang.... Someone needs a chill pill lol
My advice. Irnore everything you've read and talk to your wife. Do what you BOTH feel is the right thing to do. At the end of the day it's upto you and your family.
HYOH

Sent from my N9519 using Tapatalk

Kinda what I'm doing. This all got blown way out of context. I didn't give enough detai, such as I am not saying it like I'm trying to make the thru hike this year. but yet again leave an internet forum to blow it up lol. But its cool. We do all things as a family as it is. I didn't think it was even an option for a younger child to make the journey. I had never heard of that family who all hike it thru together. That for me would be the most rewarding part. And as a few have stated if it did come down to doing it alone, it would only be if I found and amazing chunk of change and could have my family meet me in towns or on zeros or treat it as multiple vacations in a year.

Most of what I meant by having a wife daughter house etc as I stated in the first post was from the financial stand point. I would never up and just hit the hippy life and dip on my wife and def not my daughter. It would be a thought out process and hopefully be able to make it a fun experience for us all maybe when she was 8 or so. I mean really I don't even think I COuld come up with the funding to afford a thru hike in any less than a couple of years.

But its fine though. I like reading others opinions and seeing all the feedback (positive or negative). And you def cant diagnose someone with something via an internet forum. but I will not get into that argument

As a side note after reading some of the comments in this and chatting with a new found friend who happens to have section hiked the AT here and there. The planning has begun to figure out what sections I can get started on as well as time frames etc. So I'm definitely thankful to some folks on here to help point in the right direction.

LongBlaze2019
01-31-2017, 20:05
So, the 5 year old doesn't get a say? Counting on Mom to look out for her best interests? Because, daddy sure aint...just sayin...
Go sit and spin... For Pete's sake! The OP is just trying to figure out if it's something doable or not. He is obviously thinking of his family because he has already stated he doesn't plan on just up and abandoning them so he can hike the trail.....
You are looking down from an awful high horse

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FreeGoldRush
01-31-2017, 20:13
My family is planning to follow me along the trail in an RV. My son will hike/camp with me at times. I expect to spend lots of nights with them and lots of days hiking. This only works (we hope) because they are both interested in doing this and we already have experience with many multi-month long trips in an RV. It will require that I am away from them during the early part of the trip when my son will still be in school.

Our solution won't work for most people for a number of reasons. It's expensive. It consumes the entire family for months. It requires that your spouse and children enjoy RV adventures. It has some logistical complexities. But it fits us.

capehiker
01-31-2017, 20:48
Or, if not, perhaps you are, in fact, a narcissist. There's nothing wrong with it, if you are. Because, you didn't cause it. It's a personality disorder. Likely something with your childhood. Just sayin...

Wow! What size brush are you painting with? I'll just say that your attempt to poke me, insult me, and pretend to know anything about my life, shows more about your character (and narcissistic behavior) than what I offered to the OP. He has a choice to listen to what I said or not. I will NOT be replying to you in this thread. The final word is yours. After all, narcissists HAVE be right. It shows in almost every post you make towards other members.

ScareBear
01-31-2017, 21:06
Nah. I just don't go for BS. I call it when I see it. Probably not a popularity-gainer, but at least I call it honestly, as I see it.

I don't promote leaving familial responsibilities to hike the AT on a thru. You think it's ok. You think it's ok to compare the decision to thru hike with a forced military deployment. I think that is absurd to do so and disrespectful. You play the "I've been deployed for 23 years card" to try and shut me up. I reply that forced separation from family SUCKS big time for BOTH the soldier AND the family and no one I know, including my family, has ever looked forward to the separation and CERTAINLY nobody would dare to say that the kids were better off for it. I point out that your beliefs clearly fall into the definition of a narcissist-somebody that cannot empathize with another and always puts their own desires paramount. I point out that if you did have empathy, it would NOT be for the AT hiker but for his wife and child. But, since I see absolutely NO empathy from you, just attempts at defense and deflection, I think I will just get out the 6 inch horsehair long-handle and have a go at that painting, mmmmm?

If you have a problem with my opinion, you have your own. You know what I think of yours. I know what you think of mine. I don't need to be right and you don't need to be wrong. We just need to agree to disagree. And, that is a given on this topic. I don't know who raised you or how you were raised, but from where I come from, its 1. Kids, 2. Spouse, 3. Family, 4. Self. In that order. Of course, I am fairly well convinced that personally, YMMV....

BTW, just for reference, I think that any parent that chooses their personal needs/wants above, and to exclusion of, those of their child is a damn poor excuse of a parent. Damn poor.

Doc_Holiday
01-31-2017, 22:46
My family is planning to follow me along the trail in an RV. My son will hike/camp with me at times. I expect to spend lots of nights with them and lots of days hiking. This only works (we hope) because they are both interested in doing this and we already have experience with many multi-month long trips in an RV. It will require that I am away from them during the early part of the trip when my son will still be in school.

Our solution won't work for most people for a number of reasons. It's expensive. It consumes the entire family for months. It requires that your spouse and children enjoy RV adventures. It has some logistical complexities. But it fits us.

That does sound like a whole lot of fun though. I wish my parents would have kept the rv because I would love to have one to take the family out in. Ive been looking for a tow behind camper to get the family out. Throw in a few nights in a tent and a few nights in the rv. I think that would keep the wife and daughter from completely hatiing it all.

MuddyWaters
01-31-2017, 23:09
BTW, just for reference, I think that any parent that chooses their personal needs/wants above, and to exclusion of, those of their child is a damn poor excuse of a parent. Damn poor.

Does this include all the peoples whose CHOICE of career takes them away from home for extended periods?

Truckers
Business people
Oilfield workers
Construction workers
Military

???

4eyedbuzzard
01-31-2017, 23:11
Just a few thoughts...
We all have certain narcissistic behaviors. That is human nature, and not necessarily unhealthy nor unloving. But to suggest that someone thinking of hiking the AT had a personality disorder is pure folly. We all make choices balancing time, work, money, etc., regarding our family and other commitments in life. And we all make unique decisions based upon our unique personalities and situations in life. People with families climb mountains, race automobiles, take extended vacations, choose to work or not work overtime, etc, etc, etc. We all seek our own balance. It doesn't become a disorder until you stop thinking of other people and the effect your actions have on them - and clearly the OP doesn't fit that definition at all as he brings that up right from the beginning. More, just a bit of wanderlust and longing to do something different and exciting, like a thru-hike. There's nothing mentally ill about that. It's why we all talk about it.

Maineiac64
01-31-2017, 23:25
Nah. I just don't go for BS. I call it when I see it. Probably not a popularity-gainer, but at least I call it honestly, as I see it.

I don't promote leaving familial responsibilities to hike the AT on a thru. You think it's ok. You think it's ok to compare the decision to thru hike with a forced military deployment. I think that is absurd to do so and disrespectful. You play the "I've been deployed for 23 years card" to try and shut me up. I reply that forced separation from family SUCKS big time for BOTH the soldier AND the family and no one I know, including my family, has ever looked forward to the separation and CERTAINLY nobody would dare to say that the kids were better off for it. I point out that your beliefs clearly fall into the definition of a narcissist-somebody that cannot empathize with another and always puts their own desires paramount. I point out that if you did have empathy, it would NOT be for the AT hiker but for his wife and child. But, since I see absolutely NO empathy from you, just attempts at defense and deflection, I think I will just get out the 6 inch horsehair long-handle and have a go at that painting, mmmmm?

If you have a problem with my opinion, you have your own. You know what I think of yours. I know what you think of mine. I don't need to be right and you don't need to be wrong. We just need to agree to disagree. And, that is a given on this topic. I don't know who raised you or how you were raised, but from where I come from, its 1. Kids, 2. Spouse, 3. Family, 4. Self. In that order. Of course, I am fairly well convinced that personally, YMMV....

BTW, just for reference, I think that any parent that chooses their personal needs/wants above, and to exclusion of, those of their child is a damn poor excuse of a parent. Damn poor.

you are absolutely ridiculous and rude to make so many pronouncements about someone and their situation for which you know very little. You fit your own definition of narcissism since you have zero empathy for this person. Do you go hike without your wife and kids? For how long, what is your longest trip away? Shouldn't you be spending time off with them first and foremost? Have you missed ANY events for your kids while you are hiking or doing other things for yourself? Each situation depends on a whole bunch of factors. An opinion is welcome whereas overreactive bashing is unnecessary and unpleasant. Such a common pattern may be indicative and be worthy of diagnosis? See if you can look it up?

Traffic Jam
01-31-2017, 23:49
Does this include all the peoples whose CHOICE of career takes them away from home for extended periods?

Truckers
Business people
Oilfield workers
Construction workers
Military

???

There's a difference between being a provider and going on vacation. Don't confuse the two.
A person who places others above themselves is pretty okay in my book. Just sayin'. :)

Traffic Jam
02-01-2017, 00:06
Nah. I just don't go for BS. I call it when I see it. Probably not a popularity-gainer, but at least I call it honestly, as I see it.

I don't promote leaving familial responsibilities to hike the AT on a thru. You think it's ok. You think it's ok to compare the decision to thru hike with a forced military deployment. I think that is absurd to do so and disrespectful. You play the "I've been deployed for 23 years card" to try and shut me up. I reply that forced separation from family SUCKS big time for BOTH the soldier AND the family and no one I know, including my family, has ever looked forward to the separation and CERTAINLY nobody would dare to say that the kids were better off for it. I point out that your beliefs clearly fall into the definition of a narcissist-somebody that cannot empathize with another and always puts their own desires paramount. I point out that if you did have empathy, it would NOT be for the AT hiker but for his wife and child. But, since I see absolutely NO empathy from you, just attempts at defense and deflection, I think I will just get out the 6 inch horsehair long-handle and have a go at that painting, mmmmm?

If you have a problem with my opinion, you have your own. You know what I think of yours. I know what you think of mine. I don't need to be right and you don't need to be wrong. We just need to agree to disagree. And, that is a given on this topic. I don't know who raised you or how you were raised, but from where I come from, its 1. Kids, 2. Spouse, 3. Family, 4. Self. In that order. Of course, I am fairly well convinced that personally, YMMV....

BTW, just for reference, I think that any parent that chooses their personal needs/wants above, and to exclusion of, those of their child is a damn poor excuse of a parent. Damn poor.

Amen. The children are the first priority.

JumpMaster Blaster
02-01-2017, 16:05
Let me assure you ... a multi-year section hike is the BIGGER challenge.
For one thing, as soon as you get your real trail legs, you will be off the trail ... only to start over next time.
Second, staying with it will be a challenge ... it is easy, especially early on, to stop the attempt.

BUT, the rewards are worth it .... you will meet a HUGE variety of other hikers across time as well as miles. AND, once your daughter is old enough she can some with you......

What I'm suggesting is that it isn't a LESSER challenge ... just a DIFFERENT challenge with it's own joys and rewards......

BTW ... I'm at 66.28% of the AT : )

Best advice there is. If you section you'll get your hiking fix, still be with your family, and not miss out on the other important things in life. And every time you finish a section, you'll be raring to go do the next one, and that'll keep your interest.

JumpMaster Blaster
02-01-2017, 16:14
...Second, comparing the voluntary decision to abandon your family and hike the AT with the equivalent of a military deployment overseas and saying the child will survive does great disservice to the men and women in the service...

This. One of my deployments was 15 months long), and I never had the option of leaving and just going back home whenever I wanted to. Also, unless you are dodging sniper fire or threatened with grievous bodily harm every other day on the AT, they shouldn't even be mentioned together. I'm going on vacation later this year to hike all the National Parks in Utah. When I go hike on the AT it's a vacation.

VACATION.

MuddyWaters
02-01-2017, 16:15
Thank goodness people can live their lives and raise their kids the way they want, and not the way a bunch of internet busybodies dictate.:cool:

Yall needs to inform Eric Gjonnes what a poor father he is for hiking triple crown while leaving wife and small daughter at home to do nothing but field support. Tell Sunshine too.

gracebowen
02-01-2017, 18:29
Ive been planning a thru hike for a year or two now. My son said I can go next year as long as I leave after his birthday. He would be 16. I think im waiting till he turns 18. Im definitely not going next year.

I asked him why he wouldn't mind me going when he was 16. He said mom youre not getting any younger. Youre old. If you wait too long you might be too old. Im 42.

Sandy of PA
02-01-2017, 19:42
At 15 just take your son along. A summer in the woods is just the thing for a teenager!

Traveler
02-02-2017, 08:18
Thank goodness people can live their lives and raise their kids the way they want, and not the way a bunch of internet busybodies dictate.:cool:

Yall needs to inform Eric Gjonnes what a poor father he is for hiking triple crown while leaving wife and small daughter at home to do nothing but field support. Tell Sunshine too.

Agreed, everyone establishes their own hierarchy of priorities in life.

Traffic Jam
02-02-2017, 09:04
Thank goodness people can live their lives and raise their kids the way they want, and not the way a bunch of internet busybodies dictate.:cool:

Yall needs to inform Eric Gjonnes what a poor father he is for hiking triple crown while leaving wife and small daughter at home to do nothing but field support. Tell Sunshine too.

Yes, thank goodness... but the op asked for "help and advice" so people gave their advice. :)

gracebowen
02-02-2017, 09:16
At 15 just take your son along. A summer in the woods is just the thing for a teenager!

He has absolutely no interest in going.