AT Planning and Questions

[dtp81390]

So it has been a goal of mine to thru-hike the AT. As of right now there are a few things that I am curious about or have questions on.

1. I wanted to do this endeavor sooner rather than later, like in the next 5 years. However, my wife is very reluctant to be left home for 6 months with 2-3 kids (all 8 or under). Both of our parents would be willing and able to help and or live with her that entire time. She wants me to wait until our kids are out of the house and then she would do it with me, but things are so uncertain 15 years from now. I guess my question is how many of you left your family and lives to hike the AT, did you miss any major milestones in your life or your family's life that you regret missing, what can I do to help convince my wife that I want to do this alone, at least the first time?

2. From a lot of the stories I read, AWOL on the Appalachian, Dixie's videos on Youtube, there seem to be a lot of hostels and hotel stays. Is this typical? How many people have actually camped the entire trek? I really do not want the modern conveniences if I do this, I do not want to be eating at restaurants or staying at hotels? Any thoughts on this?

This all I have for now I am sure that I will have more as I plan. Thank you for your input.

[One Half]

IF you don't have your wife's support of the adventure now while the kids are young and she has to stay home and take care of them, regardless of who is around to help her out, DON'T GO. Unless you want to be a total selfish person. The fact that she wants to do it WITH you after the kids are grown should be satisfactory. Our son just turned 19 and I am actually going for 30 days with a friend this year but the thru hike will wait for when my husband is able to join me in a few years.

as for the hotel stays, yep seems "typical." But like you, I do not really want that for my own trip. Neither does my husband when we hike together. We can certainly stay in a hotel any time we want now. We don't need to go hike for 3 days then stay in a hotel and then hike 3 more days. We LIKE to be in the woods.

[TTT]

1. You first step is to determine exactly how many kids you have
2. We are sociable creatures and being clean is one way to attract fellow homo sapiens. This is where hostels and hotels with hot showers and bubble baths come into play. Collecting sweat and grime for 6 months, and fighting off virulent rashes, is only for the brave. Wimps run to restaurants with phone and fork in hand in their quest to imitate civilization. Somewhere between the two lies a balance depending on the strength of your character.

[dwcoyote]

I'm in the same boat, I could do it now but it would be best for my family if I waited 6 more year. So I'm just going to take a couple weeks each summer and hike sections of the AT and other trails as well. They way I look at it is that the things I learn over the next few years doing 100 mile or so section hikes will only make it easier for me when the time comes to thru-hike. And the best things is that my youngest daughter will be graduating high school in six years and has expressed interest in thru hiking with me before she starts college.

[Hikingjim]

lots of hostels and hotels. purely optional/as needed, so no issue there

This is just my opinion below. Some may say to just go:
"it's my goal to take a 6 month vacation" and leave my family doesn't work in my head, so I section hike. You could start with the long trail, john muir trail, etc. See how that goes for you. they'd run you around 20 days if you're an average hiker (including some transit)

[dtp81390]

1. You first step is to determine exactly how many kids you have
2. We are sociable creatures and being clean is one way to attract fellow homo sapiens. This is where hostels and hotels with hot showers and bubble baths come into play. Collecting sweat and grime for 6 months, and fighting off virulent rashes, is only for the brave. Wimps run to restaurants with phone and fork in hand in their quest to imitate civilization. Somewhere between the two lies a balance depending on the strength of your character.

The 2-3 kids remark is because we have 1 with 1 or 2 on the way, not sure until we get our next ultrasound.

[4eyedbuzzard]

So you, a 26 year old ADULT MAN, want to leave your wife alone for 6 months to take care of YOUR newborn(s) babies and other child, and rely---IMPOSE---on your and her parents to also pick up on YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES, while YOU, THE FATHER, is off on a 6 month hiking vacation - and you came here looking for validation and support? Not from this hiker. Not even if you're independently wealthy.

[johnspenn]

It really is not a good point in the timeline of your life to consider doing a thru. Sometimes you have to delay gratification. Congrats on your new child(ren).

[4eyedbuzzard]

So you, a 26 year old ADULT MAN, want to leave your wife alone for 6 months to take care of YOUR newborn(s) babies and other child, and rely---IMPOSE---on your and her parents to also pick up on YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES, while YOU, THE FATHER, is off on a 6 month hiking vacation - and you came here looking for validation and support? Not from this hiker. Not even if you're independently wealthy.Quoting my own post... Yes, it was harsh. But sometimes you have strip away the feel good stuff to keep life's realities in perspective. Thru-hiking is no where near as important as being a good father--and husband. And that starts with BEING THERE.

[evyck da fleet]

1) It sounds like you decided to put that goal on hold for twenty years within the past nine months. Especially if the Mrs wants to join you.

2)There's a middle ground between staying in town every night and going 180 days without a shower. There's also a lot of shelters but you don't have to stay in any (except the Smokies).

[la.lindsey]

If I were your wife, I would be so, so pissed.

Why do you get to be the only one with this dream? Why do you get to do it alone the first time, and maybe she can come in 15 years? Why is she the only one considering your children and your marriage? Why are you only worried about milestones in your children's lives and not, say, the stress and burden your wife will go through?

Look, I just broke up with a thru hiker. We'd only been together a few months, but I've done lots of long sections. I *know* what the trail is like, and EVEN STILL we had such a hard time compromising on communication expectations. To think about leaving your wife with young kids when she wants to hike too... you can't imagine how hard that will be on her.




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[illabelle]

dtp,
The question about leaving wife and kids comes up regularly. Details are different, but the WB consensus is consistent that leaving a young family behind for 5-6 months doesn't meet the definition of a "good father." That's hard to hear when you've been dreaming of a thru-hike. I would encourage you to consider becoming a section hiker. It's much easier to get support from your wife, your kids, your parents and in-laws, and even from the WB jury if you're only going to be gone a week or two. Gobs of people start out as thru-hikers and abandon the dream because it was too hard, too cold, too expensive, too boring, or too lonely. So go out for a weekend. Bring the older child as soon as he/she is able. Plan a family weekend camping trip before the baby[s] are born. Cultivate a love of the outdoors with your family. It's an investment that will pay off 5 years, 10 years, and 15 years from now. And who knows, once they get a taste of the AT bug, they may encourage your dream.

[Traillium]

Solid clear advice, la.lindsey and illabelle.
OP, think long on their thoughts.

BTW, at 65 with prostate cancer under surveillance, my wife suggested I 'take a hike' — in the very best of ways. I fulfilled a long desire to follow Spring northwards. While I had 45 days of amazing experiences, I'll never be so unfair again as to leave my partner of 47 years for that long. Her idea and for that I'm hugely grateful. But the next time will only with her if we ever get that possibility.

[AlyontheAT2016]

If I was about to have my third and my husband left me behind with our very young kids to go on a 6 month vacation, I would file for divorce.

[dtp81390]

If you all would have read my post the hike would be 5 to 6 years from now not next year. I am not insane to leave my wife with a newborn to go hike. I take my responsibilities as a father seriously. I am talking to her about this. She just only sees young adults and retirees hiking the trail so she does not see why I can't wait.

It is just the uncertainty of the future that makes me want to tackle this before it is too late.

[dtp81390]

I know I don't need justification from all of you. I will hike when it is best for me and my family. I was just looking for people who left their family and job by to hike. I am listening to AWOL on the Appalachian and he did it when his kids were around 10 I think. I am just looking for thoughts from people who were in that situation because that is what I am proposing

[Slo-go'en]

You might be able to get away with waiting 10 years. Or put the kids up for adoption.

A thru hike isn't all it's cracked up to be. No reason you can't do shorter trips and in a few years you can bring along the kids.

[ScareBear]

If you all would have read my post the hike would be 5 to 6 years from now not next year. I am not insane to leave my wife with a newborn to go hike. I take my responsibilities as a father seriously. I am talking to her about this. She just only sees young adults and retirees hiking the trail so she does not see why I can't wait.

It is just the uncertainty of the future that makes me want to tackle this before it is too late.

Wait. It's too late?

WTH? NOBODY TOLD ME???

I blame this on a conspiracy...I just have to figure out who the conspirators are...

Seriously though...too late? Get a grip, man.

[dtp81390]

I live no where near the AT so section hiking really isn't much of an option. Anybody can section hike. Not everyone can thru hike.

I may have worded my it's too late comment wrong. I mean I want to live life to the fullest. Life is uncertain so always waiting for the perfect time to do something, that perfect time may never come and then you regret not trying to do it. The best time to move towards your goals is now.

[johnspenn]

I live no where near the AT so section hiking really isn't much of an option. Anybody can section hike. Not everyone can thru hike.

I may have worded my it's too late comment wrong. I mean I want to live life to the fullest. Life is uncertain so always waiting for the perfect time to do something, that perfect time may never come and then you regret not trying to do it. The best time to move towards your goals is now.

This applies to doing something five years in the future as much as it does 15 years in the future. Either one of these options would be considered "long term goals".

Your responsibilities as a husband and father come first. If your life partner and wife isn't on board with the 5 year goal, you may need to adjust to the 15 year goal. Your conflict doesn't lie with the members of this forum, but with your wife. That's the place where your energy needs to be focused. Unless and until she agrees to the 5 year plan, all the other stuff is moot.

[illabelle]

If you all would have read my post the hike would be 5 to 6 years from now not next year. I am not insane to leave my wife with a newborn to go hike. I take my responsibilities as a father seriously. I am talking to her about this. She just only sees young adults and retirees hiking the trail so she does not see why I can't wait.

It is just the uncertainty of the future that makes me want to tackle this before it is too late.

I read it differently. In your opening post you said "like in the next 5 years ...". I understood that to mean 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020, or 2021. If you don't plan on doing this for at least five years, it does open things up a bit. I'm not saying it'll be okay then, just that possibilities exist.

Anyway, it's not for a bunch of strangers to tell you how to live, or what choices you must make. Five years from now, your desire for a thru-hike may have morphed into something else. It's also possible that your wife will become comfortable with the idea of you hiking before the kids are out of the house. So maybe some compromising...?

[One Half]

If you all would have read my post the hike would be 5 to 6 years from now not next year. I am not insane to leave my wife with a newborn to go hike. I take my responsibilities as a father seriously. I am talking to her about this. She just only sees young adults and retirees hiking the trail so she does not see why I can't wait.

It is just the uncertainty of the future that makes me want to tackle this before it is too late.

still, 5 or 6 years from now, your kids are still going to be little. The advice still holds. Had my husband taken off for 6 months to hike when we had 1 child, at the age of 8 or 10 or anything before he became an adult, he likely would not have a home to come home to.

I don't even understand how you could contemplate being away from your children for 6 months when they are that young! Doesn't sound like you take your responsibilities seriously.

[la.lindsey]

Nah bro, not anyone can section hike. It still takes dedication and physical ability and mental fortitude.

If you really want to live life to the fullest, though, don't wait for everything to be perfect; don't wait for the stars to align for you to thruhike and receive a magical blessing of "life fulfilled" from some buxom blonde fairy as you trot down a sun-lit path, flower petals strewn at your feet. Start living now, with a weekend or a week or two weeks spent in the woods. You won't believe what can happen in 3 days.

And-- here's an amazing secret! It doesn't have to be the AT. People get fulfilled in forests and woods and deserts all over the blessed world and not only along a narrow holy corridor of holy AT land. Life is a rich tapestry!


What I'm actually getting at here, is *why* do you want to thruhike? Is it really about living life to the fullest, spending time in nature, embracing adventure? Or is it just a 5 month vacation with minimal showers and something to brag about? Either answer is fine, but be honest with yourself. One doesn't require a thruhike or the AT.


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[dtp81390]

La.lindsey you are exactly right. I hunt fish and camp regularly. I do enjoy at least 2 to 3 months of the year in the woods doing these things. So it is not lack of opportunity.

Maybe my why isn't strong enough yet. I have always had a set path in mind. I have had the same career goal since I was 10, which is what I am doing. I have been with my wonderful wife since high school. Went to college. Got married had kids etc. There was never really the opportunity to fulfill these goals.

I want the personal challenge of thru hiking, I want to get away from the stresses of the city for a lengthy time. I want to find myself and discover what I am made of.

I never said section hiking was easy but it is easier to hike several hundred miles and take a break for a few months and hike a different sections than it is to thru hike. I am not sure that section hiking is the way for me to go.

[Traveler]

So it has been a goal of mine to thru-hike the AT. As of right now there are a few things that I am curious about or have questions on.

1. I wanted to do this endeavor sooner rather than later, like in the next 5 years. However, my wife is very reluctant to be left home for 6 months with 2-3 kids (all 8 or under). Both of our parents would be willing and able to help and or live with her that entire time. She wants me to wait until our kids are out of the house and then she would do it with me, but things are so uncertain 15 years from now. I guess my question is how many of you left your family and lives to hike the AT, did you miss any major milestones in your life or your family's life that you regret missing, what can I do to help convince my wife that I want to do this alone, at least the first time?

2. From a lot of the stories I read, AWOL on the Appalachian, Dixie's videos on Youtube, there seem to be a lot of hostels and hotel stays. Is this typical? How many people have actually camped the entire trek? I really do not want the modern conveniences if I do this, I do not want to be eating at restaurants or staying at hotels? Any thoughts on this?

This all I have for now I am sure that I will have more as I plan. Thank you for your input.

OK, here's what I have:

1. I wanted to do this endeavor sooner rather than later, like in the next 5 years. However, my wife is very reluctant to be left home for 6 months with 2-3 kids (all 8 or under).

Interesting 5-year plan, though a poor execution can have life long ramifications. There are other things that are in that 5-year plan that should be considered, being more certain of the number of children that will be with you, will the place you are now living have enough room or will you need to buy/rent a larger place (increasing your debt and monthly payments), what is your career path and will it tolerate an absence of that magnitude, where will you be located in the US and will you be new to a different State leaving your wife to fend for herself in a strange place, will your wife's career path be impacted by your absence and what will child care add to the monthly expenses if so. These are only a few of many issues you are likely to be facing in this five year period of time. As a 5-year plan/goal this is not a bad idea, however be prepared to modify the plan as these issues are addressed or change.

2. Both of our parents would be willing and able to help and or live with her that entire time.

How excited would you be to live with your parents or in-laws along with 3 kids under 8 years old for 6 months or so while your wife is off enjoying herself somewhere?

3. She wants me to wait until our kids are out of the house and then she would do it with me, but things are so uncertain 15 years from now.

Your wife sounds like she's interested in doing the trek as well, waiting for her to be able to leave for 6 months without worrying about children issues would be well worth the wait. Also, the difference in uncertainty in 15 years is likely to be less than over the next 5. You are more apt to see heavy changes in lifestyle, domicile, and family growth in the next five years, with the following ten likely being more stable and perhaps more conducive to your goal.

4. I guess my question is how many of you left your family and lives to hike the AT, did you miss any major milestones in your life or your family's life that you regret missing, what can I do to help convince my wife that I want to do this alone, at least the first time?

What level of value to you place in the assorted milestones of your family? If you place small value on things like first steps, talking in full sentences, potty training, birthdays/anniversaries, not being available for emergencies (medical, storms, etc), and being out of a very young child's life at a point in time they may have shallow memory of who you are, then you have your answer. If you place high value on these and other things, you have your answer.

You likely won't ever be able to convince anyone, never mind your wife that you should be able to leave your job/career and take a 6 month vacation while she stays home to provide care to several children, earn a living, manage the household, and deal with life issues of all sorts alone. Despite the live in help of in-laws, she didn't marry those folks or her parents to share her life with. The only way that blessing will come is if she arrives at that conclusion on her own.

The other questions about hostels, hotels, and eating at restaurants will work themselves out on the trail. Many is the purist who left Springer who, by the time they reached Harpers Ferry thought nothing of venturing into town for a pizza dinner. Conversely, many are those who planned to sleep on a mattress every other night end up never crossing the threshold of a hostel or hotel.

Because I have been 26 before and you've not been 63 yet, I can say, given your stated current circumstances, you probably won't recognize your life in 5 years time. These are the big change years you are in, which do settle down once you have figured out how many kids you will have, what career you'll pursue, location and type of domicile, and other lifestyle issues. My advice is to keep the 5-year plan on a shelf, but in sight. Do a few multi-day hikes on the Ice Age trail or make your way to the AT for several days along the way to get a good idea of what many months of that will be like, your tolerance of being away from home, and to scratch the "itch" you currently have and see if the romance fades into reality or if it remains a calling for you.

"Happy wife, happy life". Corny, but perhaps one of the best bits of wisdom in any language.

[rafe]

#1: Nobody can justify your hike except you. I really don't get the point of asking strangers questions of that nature. It's your life.

#2: Hostel/hotel stays and town stops are up to you. Typical thru hikers go three, four, five days between stops. The longer the interval between stops, the more food you need to carry. That makes your pack heavier, which slows you down. There are a couple places on the trail where the natural interval cranks up to about a week -- the two major national parks (Smokies and Shenandoah) and the Hundred Mile Wilderness in Maine. But even there, you can get around that by working with shuttlers, hostel/hotel owners, etc. It's not that there aren't roads through those areas.

You can stay in the woods as long as you like. But most thru hikers appreciate a shower, laundry, town meal, soft bed, etc. every few days or so. People who've never hiked the AT occasionally imagine some Davy Crockett wilderness lifestyle, weeks on end in the wilderness, livin' off the land. It's not like that, trust me. You'll want a break from time to time. You will cross roads and see cars every few days and will feel the draw of civilization.

[dtp81390]

Traveler thank you for your extensive post. I agree that things are most changing in the near future. however we just bought a house, I have a steady job that I have already spoken to about this and at this time they would allow me to bank PTO days to offset the not having a paycheck for a few months. They would also be willing to grant a leave during this time as they have done for other employees. The only changing variable really in my life at this time is how many kids we will end up having, which is the reason for the 5 year goal.

I get your point about staying with the inlaws for that length of time, honestly i really wouldnt mind living with my inlaws or my parents for 6 months while my wife was out (although she may have more of an issue with it than I would).

I really do want to hike it with her and waiting 15 years is rough. There is also part of me that wants to go it alone, but having the support and motivation along the way may help.

I am sure there may be itch for real food and I am by no means going to forego showering for that length of time, however there are ways to keep yourself clean in the wilderness in between. I just do not want there to be an expectation to sleeping in a hotel or hostel every few nights, Once a month I may be ok with that, depends on the circumstances and I need to be comfortable with that.

Rafe, I know that no one else can justify my life or my decisions, I was just trying to get an idea of what other people have done to better inform my decision.

[eggymane]

Sounds more like you shouldn't have gotten married and started a family. But hey, what do I know..I'm just a stranger on the internet you solicited opinions from. Good luck with your endeavor though!

[TX Aggie]

I'll just leave you with my own experience.

First, I haven't thru hiked the AT. I haven't even had a trip outside of work where I left my family for more than 3 or 4 days for a solo trip.

However, I was unexpectedly removed from my family for a year when my daughter was 6 weeks old. My wife too had her family nearby to help. She even worked at her father's company and saw him, her mom and two brothers on an almost daily basis. But it was still VERY hard on her. For me, it was difficult not seeing and experiencing my daughter as she grew. But, we both agreed that it was better I was gone when she was 6 weeks old than when she was 6 years old.
I came back a very changed man, and I returned to a changed wife. Luckily we were able to pull through the difficulty, added another daughter, and now I take my daughters with me on the AT. (I can't get my wife into an RV, much less a tent).
If you go now, when you return things will change. There's no getting around it. You will have explored yourself on the trail and will likely change your views on a great many of topics. Your wife and family will have continued their existence.... without you. You'll miss the school drama, the sleep overs, the sibling fights, and even the bad times. But more importantly, you won't be there to be a father.
Your time to create experiences with your children is finite. The trail will always be there.

Whichever route you choose, I wish you luck and happy times.

[Slo-go'en]

Sounds more like you shouldn't have gotten married and started a family. But hey, what do I know..I'm just a stranger on the internet you solicited opinions from. Good luck with your endeavor though!

I had the same thoughts. Why this sudden desire to thru hike the AT? If you've said anything that indicate you've even once set foot in the woods before, I missed it. This type of thread seems to always be started by guys with small children who want to run away from their responsibilities.

[TX Aggie]

I know I don't need justification from all of you. I will hike when it is best for me and my family. I was just looking for people who left their family and job by to hike. I am listening to AWOL on the Appalachian and he did it when his kids were around 10 I think. I am just looking for thoughts from people who were in that situation because that is what I am proposing

I'll amend my previous comment with this:

If it were my choice to be away for 6 months while my kids were still at home, at any age under 18, there's no way in hell I personally would leave voluntarily. Especially when they're younger than 10, you miss a milestone every week.

I'm a pretty independent, introvert type personality. I love being alone on the trail, on my motorcycle, or even just alone in the house. But to voluntarily leave my family for an extended period doesn't even enter my mind.

And it's not just the milestones YOU will miss, it's the milestones your kids will have no memory of you being with them.

I'm going to refrain from being as direct as I normally am in other forums only to say I would personally wait, there's just too much I would miss.

[Riocielo]

So you, a 26 year old ADULT MAN, want to leave your wife alone for 6 months to take care of YOUR newborn(s) babies and other child, and rely---IMPOSE---on your and her parents to also pick up on YOUR RESPONSIBILITIES, while YOU, THE FATHER, is off on a 6 month hiking vacation - and you came here looking for validation and support? Not from this hiker. Not even if you're independently wealthy.
AMEN!

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[Riocielo]

If you all would have read my post the hike would be 5 to 6 years from now not next year. I am not insane to leave my wife with a newborn to go hike. I take my responsibilities as a father seriously. I am talking to her about this. She just only sees young adults and retirees hiking the trail so she does not see why I can't wait.

It is just the uncertainty of the future that makes me want to tackle this before it is too late.
From my experience raising 3 children, 5 or 6 years will not make things easier. By that time there's the need to transport to and from school, baseball practice and games, dancing classes, etc. There is homework to help with, birthday parties to plan....
It all just gets more complicated.

Most importantly, if she doesn't understand why you should go, then you should sacrifice your dream for her. That is the essence of love.

My husband and I can't do a thru right now because of our jobs, but we find great joy and pleasure in section hikes. In a few years when we CAN do a thru, the trail will still be there.

I would not want to attempt a thru without all I have learned -- and am still learning-- from our section hikes.


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[Riocielo]

I live no where near the AT so section hiking really isn't much of an option. Anybody can section hike. Not everyone can thru hike.

I may have worded my it's too late comment wrong. I mean I want to live life to the fullest. Life is uncertain so always waiting for the perfect time to do something, that perfect time may never come and then you regret not trying to do it. The best time to move towards your goals is now.
I live 408 miles from Springer Mountain. We only have four or five days of hiking time twice a year. We take advantage of it. We have hiked part of GA, TN, NC and VA.

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[Riocielo]

La.lindsey you are exactly right. I hunt fish and camp regularly. I do enjoy at least 2 to 3 months of the year in the woods doing these things. So it is not lack of opportunity.

Maybe my why isn't strong enough yet. I have always had a set path in mind. I have had the same career goal since I was 10, which is what I am doing. I have been with my wonderful wife since high school. Went to college. Got married had kids etc. There was never really the opportunity to fulfill these goals.

I want the personal challenge of thru hiking, I want to get away from the stresses of the city for a lengthy time. I want to find myself and discover what I am made of.

I never said section hiking was easy but it is easier to hike several hundred miles and take a break for a few months and hike a different sections than it is to thru hike. I am not sure that section hiking is the way for me to go.
Perhaps your motivation is not actually to travel TO somewhere as to travel FROM somewhere.

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