View Full Version : Shared vs. Individual experience
I’m a 50 year old family man, and I’ve never participated in any form of social media, unless you consider Whiteblaze a social app. I’d like to offer a lofty rationale for my abstinence, something about the vague discontent bred by Facebook and the like. But to be honest, it’s just because I don’t have an appetite for the predictable flow of carefully crafted vignettes from peripheral acquaintances. Put another way, I don’t have patience for the volume or underlying intention of the messaging.
About 10 years ago, I took a solo trip to the boundary waters, which for those of you not from the upper Midwest, is an area of about 2800 square miles in northeast Minnesota that is densely packed with lakes and has few roads. Many people fly in, and some take a canoe, but I hiked in. I spent most of that journey asking myself why I was doing it. I had a wife and kids at home who I missed from day one, and who I think missed me. But there I was, mucking around in the woods. I decided the reason I was doing it was because most people either can’t or won’t, which wasn’t a very good reason.
To be clear, I'm not saying that's why people hike solo. I'm saying that's why I was hiking solo, and it was a bad reason. When I was honest with myself, I saw that I was just lonely and uncomfortable in my own skin, because I was insecure and prone to obsessing. That was my last solo outing.
Since then my older son has also become an avid backpacker and bikepacker, and we’ve logged thousands of miles together all over the country. If you are on Whiteblaze, then you get it. We’ve all experienced the highs and lows, and looking back, even the lows make us smile.
Now here comes my point. I shared all of those experiences with my son. Any time I experience beauty alone, to me it feels wasted, like it’s just locked in my head and I can’t give it to anyone. I can tell people about it, but many of you know how that goes. Once you’ve been there, about the best you can do is encourage others to go see it for themselves, because words and pictures aren’t enough.
My son left for college far away at an extremely demanding school, where he is going to work hard and have wonderful experiences. We might get a few more good journeys in together, but I’m on borrowed time. And that’s what I always wanted for him. I love him enough to let him go. But it’s hard. And now I'm on my own again.
So here I am on Whiteblaze, which might arguably be called a social app, and which as far as I can tell is just about the only place where I might find other people who understand all of this. I’m hoping to get some feedback on what the journey means to others in this community, particularly with regard to shared vs. individual experience. How can I find meaning in a solo journey? Is it even possible for a 50 year old, happily married, introverted working professional to form a genuinely trusting relationships with another person or people who would rather be on the side of a frozen mountain in southwest Virginia than just about anywhere else?
I could probably have said all of this better. But I have a huge family birthday party to go to, and much of the gigantic family that I love so much is going to be there. So this will just have to be good enough for now.
I know what you mean. I prefer hiking with my GF than hiking by myself, but hiking by myself is still better than not hiking at all. Fortunately, she loves hiking with me, so it's good.
Tipi Walter
11-12-2017, 16:34
Some of us are born loners, some of us aren't. It's easy for loners to go out on long solo backpacking trips---even with a person waiting back home---who in my case also happens to be a loner.
The beauty of unspoiled nature is what attracts me to the outdoors---and it's a place I have grown comfortable living in---despite the fact that wilderness is part of the vanishing American landscape. In other words, you better get out in it before it's gone.
And realistically speaking, what other person will accompany me on my long backpacking trips? Most don't have the time and certainly not the inclination. And anyway I go out to get away from humans and humanity. Plus I'm a full blown misanthrope---I've had a bellyful of human cleverness and our sprawl and monkey howlings.
Uncle Joe
11-12-2017, 16:42
I hike alone most of the time. I typically don't end up alone. I meet people on the way and most often end up hiking with them a bit. On my last hike, The first day I met some folks but we didn't really hike a lot together. But we were heading to the same shelter area and ended up hanging out and getting to know other hikers. The next day we hiked together some, spread out some, and ended up hiking a little more. Chatting and talking at each moment. Again, we camped with the same group, and a few new folks. Maybe we hadn't built a deep bond but we had come through the same experience. Each experiencing it a little different. Sometimes that's all you get and that's fine. Don't get me wrong, I'd much rather have a buddy come along but most of my friends simply don't or won't hike. We do other things together like bike, go to dinner, and have even travelled but other than the occasional day hike they don't seem to be getting the bug.
I think you said it well.
What I've discovered is that many of my extended family (and I have a huge extended family) feel much the same as I do.
I loved camping in my youth - everything from backyard under a tarp to car camping with my uncle and cousins, backpacking at summer camp and in a camper with my grandparents.
Then life happened and time spent in the woods was largely limited to scout trips with my sons. I've done a fair amount of RV camping the last 10-12 years (lots of that associated with horse shows) and now I'm circling back to an emphasis on car camping and backpacking. Talking to other family members I've discovered that we share a love of backpacking that we've never discussed before. My wife is waiting on a kidney transplant but in the interim has been researching plans for future joint expeditions (and even talking about doing something quite ambitious on her own to honor her donor and mark her "new beginning.")
All this is to say I think there are lots of us with similar narratives. Get out there with family and friends when possible, but just getting out there is pretty motivating for me.
cmoulder
11-12-2017, 17:10
Is it even possible for a 50 year old, happily married, introverted working professional to form a genuinely trusting relationships with another person or people who would rather be on the side of a frozen mountain in southwest Virginia than just about anywhere else?
Hopefully you don't find this too flippant, but the best place to find such people is on the side of a frozen mountain in southwest Virginia.
There are many people in love with the idea of doing something; you want to meet people who are actually doing it.
My adult sons asked be to summit Katahdin 45 years after I climbed it alone since they were too small to use the hand holds at the Gatway. Then this past summer they invited me to do SNP on the AT. With the examples you wrote about, I would expect that you will have similar experiences with your son. At age 50 you have lots of time left to share.
DownEaster
11-12-2017, 17:57
I'm a few years older than most of my friends, who won't have the luxury of enjoying their retirement for some time yet, and that makes me a better match to the necessary logistics of a through-hike. Also I'm the only one I know who doesn't have any medical prescriptions, and thus am physically better suited to long hiking trips. (It seems everyone is taking beta blockers for high blood pressure. Beta blockers reduce heart rate to keep blood pressure down, which means they impose an upper limit on physical exertion. That means if the slope plus total weight requires a certain amount of heart pumping to overcome, and that's more than the beta blocker allows, the person simply can't accomplish the hike.)
It would be nice if some of the people in my life now could also accompany me on the AT, but that's just not in the cards. I don't mind being alone, so I can certainly handle a solo adventure. However, the AT is well know as a social trail, and I'm guaranteed to make some new acquaintances and likely to meet some new friends.
While your situation is somewhat different, I think things will work out similarly for you if you hike on the AT: it'll mostly turn out to be a shared experience.
Greenlight
11-12-2017, 18:08
If you're hiking a popular trail, you're going to run into a lot of people. If you are hiking in the same direction, you may make friends. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and hiking alone is fine for me. I love being outdoors - I love being in the woods. I've hiked some with my oldest son. My other three kids don't want anything to do with it. But the oldest isn't available much. I think that is one reason a lot of people hike solo. Because it is hard to get a group together, or even one other person. I like documenting my hikes and creating short videos, so others can see a slice of what I saw on social media. At the end of the day, why you hike will dictate when and with whom you hike. And that is perfectly okay for you.
This is an interesting topic for discussion. I do a lot of solo hiking, unless you count the dog. I don't usually see too many people. I really enjoy it, and don't feel lonely. However, I have a partner I hike with once in awhile, and I enjoy this too. If I had one more often it would be good, but it would have to be someone who is not interested in filling up a lot of quiet time with chatter. I had one of those once, and didn't enjoy it at all. That said, I take most of my trips or vacations (but since I'm retired...) alone. Some people think it bothers me but it doesn't though if it's quite a long trip I start missing being with people after awhile.
yes, very interesting topic.
You are not alone in your thinking.
I'm a similar age but my son is younger. Gearing up to do a bit of backpacking & I'm hoping that he'll join me, maybe my daughter too...or maybe even both daughters although my youngest is probably a bit too young for much.
I had a love of camping and doing stuff like that since I was young. Did a little backpacking and primitive type camping back in college and just after. SInce have done lots of other things such as kayaking, day hiking, scuba.... I'm an introvert and in many ways a loner of sorts, but I find my love of enjoying nature in beautiful places really wants to be shared. I did a lot of things when I was single and I always felt something missing.
More lately, with my family, we have done a lot of what I call tailgate camping and more recently RVing. But it never really has satisfied me. Some scout camping with my son, which comes closer in some ways, but still not it.
A while back, i decided to gear up to get back out off grid a bit. I really want to get out there. Again, I'm an introvert and sometimes a loner, but I really hope to share this. My wife has no interest.... and I'm still not too sure about my kids. I'm really curious how much I will enjoy it if I end up going alone. I know for sure I will miss my family deeply even on short trips....
I just hope that I can share some moments with my kids, like you have with your son. You are blessed I think, for having those memories.....
One Half
11-12-2017, 22:55
I hear what you are saying. I had 30 days this spring to hike as much of the AT as I could. No worries. No kid at home any more. Husband was all set for food (I cook all our meals and had cooked and frozen enough for him for nearly 40 days). He was very supportive of me going and everything. I had a BLAST! But every time I got to a great view or the top of a hard climb, I wanted him there next to me soaking in the moment. I knew I couldn't explain to him the experiences I was having well enough. I also knew I wanted all the BEST of experiences to be had WITH him. After all, he's been there for all the experiences the last 25+ years - good and bad. I just couldn't enjoy it without him. I left after 5 days of hiking. I can't wait to get back. But it won't be alone.
Wow, thank you everyone for the support and hope and insights. It good to know you all are out there like brooks in an alpine meadow.
I have mostly hiked the AT off season because I prefer cool or even cold weather, which means I've never seen first hand the social scene that you are describing. There's really nothing comparable in the upper Midwest, or even on the PCT. While I might see a half dozen small groups a day on a trail like Pictured Rocks (in Michigan), people mostly keep to themselves. That's not necessarily a bad thing, as many are looking for solitude. But maybe I need to start thinking about hitting the AT at the front end of thru hiker season when it's not packed, but at least more populated.
I also probably need to learn to be more in the moment. I hear you all talking about the intense beauty that's out there, and sometimes I think I'm so busy thinking that I miss the incredible palette of sensations that are right in front of me.
Maybe this idea of documenting the experience is one I should dabble with. I'm not ready to run out an drop a ton of money on equipment, but it does seem like this might be a way of sharing. I guess my take on this life is that there are only a handful of things that are real, and the rest is an impossibly wonderful and complex illusion. One of the things that seems real is the people, the choices we make, and how we interact with one another. For me personally, I think the art of walking would feel more purposeful (not that a purpose is necessarily a requirement) if I could find a way to share it through a medium like photography.
So here's my next question, if anyone is still listening. What do you all think about when you are out there hiking alone in the woods? Are you reflecting on ideas? Or just absorbing your surroundings? Like I said, my mind is always going, going, going, though I have noticed that my mind slows down and becomes more deliberate the more time I spend on the trail. Seems like 3 days is when my brain starts to relax, and a week is about when I just start to put one foot in front of the other. That simplicity is amazing.
Dan Roper
11-13-2017, 01:10
This year my 20-year-old son and I bailed out at the Scales in Grayson Highlands, after a very bad lightning and hail storm. Over 10 years, me and my sons hiked every step from Springer to the Scales (except the oldest, who missed those last 30 or so miles this year). My sons are moving on now - jobs and college and stuff. I'm pretty sure they won't be able to join me next summer....and that it'll be sporadic or best for the next 20 years. I have a vision of standing at the Scales next summer, by myself, looking back on 10 years of backpacking with my sons, and feeling an immense melancholy and loneliness. Then I'll put on my pack and start walking. And I'm betting that after a few steps or few miles or few days, I'll discover that backpacking the AT solo is different but just as much fun. (And I should say that I do a heckuva lot of long day hikes solo, and love doing it that way.)
I have had that exact same vision many times since my son left for college. I haven't done an overnight since, in part for that reason, even though Fall is my favorite season for hiking.
Right around the time that classes started, he got sick. Nothing serious, but it reminded me that his well being is far more important to me than whether I'm bummed that he's away at college. That motivated me to at least get out for a ride on one of the many long loops we favor, and you're right that it was fine. But when I think about hitting one of our favorite trails solo, I see that same vision you are talking about.
It's getting better with time. I've been out for a few long day hikes, and found it enjoyable. I spent twenty bucks on a blue tooth headset so I can listen to books, and that is fun, though it moves the hike back into my mind, if that makes sense. But your point about finding it's still fun is well made.
You mention the Grayson Highlands, and that's the place I love most on the AT, at least so far. There's a lot of the northern half I haven't seen yet. Rocky mountain spotted nearly took out my father when he was young, and lyme left my mom with little cartilage in her knee and ankle, so I'm a little leary of ticks I guess. Maybe that's my next thread!
Tipi Walter
11-13-2017, 09:55
So here's my next question, if anyone is still listening. What do you all think about when you are out there hiking alone in the woods? Are you reflecting on ideas? Or just absorbing your surroundings? Like I said, my mind is always going, going, going, though I have noticed that my mind slows down and becomes more deliberate the more time I spend on the trail. Seems like 3 days is when my brain starts to relax, and a week is about when I just start to put one foot in front of the other. That simplicity is amazing.
You hit on some important points. When I'm actually backpacking I do many things at once: Keeping my eyes focused on the trail for proper boot placement to avoid falling. Looking out for rattlesnakes/copperheads. And doing a constant yoga mantra linked into my hiking cadence---Doing all these things while enjoying the forest and trails around me.
Any ideas I have during the day I pen into my trail journal while in camp. And as far as 3 days needing to go by before your brain starts to relax---I wrote this in a recent trip report during a 20 day trip (w/o resupply)---My opinion only !!!---
SAY GOODBYE TO DAY 15
A backpacking trip doesn't become interesting until Day 15 and beyond, or at least 2 weeks out without interruption. No towns, no commerce, no resupplies. By Day 15 you enter a new world of wilderness refinements where the old society/house/work/spouse/civilization You is transformed into a slower paced outdoors You. It takes 15 days for this to happen. You get salty and thusly express your strong opinions with this salty attitude. Most all of my rants and screeds come from this outdoor place, a sort of reckless healthy abandon to say what I feel, with a sort of "viking's countenance". This new you is homeless in the best sense and could be called Hiker Trash except this term denotes a certain urban tone as a loner living outdoors but in towns.
LONG TRIPS
"Without interruption" was my qualifier therefore it means living outdoors in whatever pristine landscape is left, the vanishing American landscape. For one thing after 15 days your pack is much lighter and more manageable and so route choices get more adventurous. Second, you develop a carefree jaunt fueled by 2 previous weeks of tough hiking and rugged challenges so what comes next is calmly accepted with a cool gleam in your eye---the 15 days become therefore a real confidence booster. The real joy then starts on the following days and beyond. Plus, your tent and bedding become highly valued and desired and great joy is felt using this gear, especially on Day 15 as the temps get cold. After 15 you realize you can stay out for however long you want---30 days, 45 days, food being the only consideration.
I sometimes have a mindless tune that runs through my head, probably similar to TW’s yoga mantra. I can spend hours doing that, only talking to my gf when we reach a natural stopping point due to hunger, thirst, amazing view, wildlife or whatever. Its like daydreaming where your eyes lose focus and the human contact brings me back to the here and now. I call it action without thought. When I get into that state, the hills seem flatter, the trail smoother, the temps more moderate.
I enjoy solo pursuits. Whether its hiking, fishing, or just going to the gym and putting my headphones in and getting to work. I guess it's just how some people are wired. I do enjoy running into people on my outings and chatting them up, maybe even pairing up for a short bit, but eventually I like to return to my solitude. My daughter just turned six and she is the only person in this world whose company I would enjoy 100% of the time, and I do plan on including her in more of my activities as she gets older. You all are making me sad though talking about how your kids are growing up and moving on and you are faced to do things alone. I know this day is coming for me as well, so I want to do my best to enjoy every day I have with her until then.
rocketsocks
11-13-2017, 12:17
Some of my most memorable moments came while I was by myself...and then I realized I wasn’t alone at all, you’ll get there, keep going.
I do most of my hiking solo though I have done some of my longer trips with 1-3 others. Generally when I have hiked with others I know going in that our styles are very similiar. I much prefer these trip to solo because I give up nothing (see style point above) and gain a whole lot from being around some very cool people.
What is going through my head? It really depends on the length of trip. Day or weekend hikes are when I process any nagging problems. I have also found that some of my more creative ideas for work have come from these hikes. On longer hikes, I enter is expedition mode where I think about the trip cadence resupplies etc. Longer still, example PCT, slowly the first two subjects fade away and it becomes more of living in the moment. I found myself going back over decisions in my life, over and over as well as sorting out my future. I become more introspective. Conversations with others change as well. I found I get to know people on a whole different level than the normal superficial level. This is one of the big appeals to long distance hiking for me.
Finally, if you are going to hike solo, you better be able to be friends with yourself because you have to have stimiluating conversations with yourself as well as entertain yourself. I have no problem doing this which is probably why I do so much solo hiking.
Conversations with others change as well. I found I get to know people on a whole different level than the normal superficial level. This is one of the big appeals to long distance hiking for me.
I can relate. A few people I met on the JMT know more about me than people I've sat next to at work for 5 years. Amazing what a shared experience and total immersion into a conversation can do!
“Happiness only real when shared”
― Jon Krakauer (https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/1235.Jon_Krakauer),[I]Into the Wild (https://www.goodreads.com/work/quotes/3284484)
I've found out if I can just let my thoughts go and get into the 'zone' while hiking or backpacking, it's perfectly enjoyable while solo. If I'm thinking too much, I often spend a lot of time wishing I had my wife or a friend to share the experience with. I remember having an incident with wildlife where I thought I was done for, and just thinking "Do I really love this enough to die cold and alone doing it while everyone I love is at home and safe"? I think I found the balance by realizing the importance of being able to do something just for yourself, and taking it all in.
I had come to the exact same conclusion right around the time I first read that quote from Jon Krakauer: "Happiness is only real when shared", which surprised me enough that I still remember it. If beauty isn't shared, then it's a thing, like a projection that is observed. If it's not observed, then it's (literally) not there. But the moment it's SHARED, then the interaction makes it blossom into something at least more complex, and perhaps better.
Maybe that is what's really at the heart of this thing, for me anyway. I'm not sure that it's the quantity of personal interaction that matters to me nearly as much as the quality, though no surprise that's also a classic introvert personality trait. Nothing pleases me more than to see mostly gray space in my Outlook calendar when I get in. But at the same time, I treasure the openness that occurs on the trail when you are with someone you trust. You know you are with the right person when you can sing like an idiot out of the blue, or speak without fear about controversial ideas.
What I'm not entirely sure about at this point is whether it's possible for a middle aged man to achieve that level of trust outside of immediate family. Maybe, but I have yet to see it. If it's not, then hiking with friends might be fun in the same way a party is, but perhaps without the easy willingness to metaphorically fall flat on your face and laugh.
The years have made me far less trusting. Oddly, I've found that sometimes those who are the most guarded initially are the ones who I eventually come to trust and like.
Backpacking with someone you trust lets you swim upstream, if only for a short time. If you can just put one foot in front of the other in silence for an hour, and then just blurt out a thought or a whole chain of thoughts without pride or fear, then I think you're with the right person.
rocketsocks
11-13-2017, 19:35
Remember, there are those that no longer have a significant other, perhaps they never had kids, are they less apt to find piece...I think not.
Absolutely true, rocketsocks. Someone earlier said it's a lot about how we're wired. Some find genuine and lasting peace in the individualism you speak of, and I respect that. And I think we can all agree that sort of individualism is in many ways admirable.
SwathHiker
11-13-2017, 20:06
I don't know, I find my peace by seeking the guidance of the higher authorities. That's been true for me in my life. There's no witchcraft involved at all, I have no magic formula. Sometimes you look to the truth in life but only find more lies. I've found that true even with the people I look up to the most. In the loftiest of places! Thankfully I have good friends here on the ground. I have real children at home and don't have a great deal of time for introverted wanderings in the woods. They should matter more. And I'd do anything for my children. Although I don't begrudge Blw2 and Pi3.13, whichever "introvert" is which there, both I guess, if they want to get lost, of course.
Tipi Walter
11-13-2017, 20:20
don't have a great deal of time for introverted wanderings in the woods.
In that case you may be on the wrong website---I.e. backpacking and hiking. . . uh . . . in the woods. Then again, even extroverts can pull months in the woods if desired.:) So how about having a great deal of time for extroverted wanderings (instead of introverted) in the woods???? Maybe even take the kids.
The distinction I think you're making is peace as in a sense of tranquility, as opposed to the religious meaning of being in a right relationship. The two are in some ways related, but are not exactly the same thing. Getting back to the trust thing, some people have very deeply held convictions on this topic, so I prefer to tread lightly in a forum like this one.
That said, the origin of the thread was in part about what happens when children leave home, and consequently, what people think about hiking solo vs. with others.
Tipi Walter
11-13-2017, 20:25
Tranquility also comes by being in a right relationship with Miss Nature. In my case---by sleeping with her as much as possible.
SwathHiker
11-13-2017, 20:28
Yes, we do everything together! Many people don't realize I have children, but I do. Their father, Kodiak, is quite an outdoorsman himself, and although he has left us to our own devices for the last while, we are here together, and all share his love of the outdoors and, as a family unit, plan to thru-hike next year. We keep it real but don't over-think it. I think we are in the right place. We learn so very much from you all!
Kaptainkriz
11-13-2017, 20:51
For me, I can find meaning in a solo journey. Some journeys are short and others are long. I like most to single hand sail at night. There are no people, no trees, no birds...just the water and me (and of course the boat). I find hiking alone a similar experience. During the unbroken silence I can pay more attention to my surroundings, admire the beauty of nature, and contemplate my place in it. To me, it has meaning. I also find great significance in shared experience - which drives me to blog, take pictures, make videos, and interact with others (significant and not) along the way. Everyone is different and so are their journeys.
I’m hoping to get some feedback on what the journey means to others in this community, particularly with regard to shared vs. individual experience. How can I find meaning in a solo journey? Is it even possible for a 50 year old, happily married, introverted working professional to form a genuinely trusting relationships with another person or people who would rather be on the side of a frozen mountain in southwest Virginia than just about anywhere else?
.
rocketsocks
11-13-2017, 21:39
The distinction I think you're making is peace as in a sense of tranquility, as opposed to the religious meaning of being in a right relationship. The two are in some ways related, but are not exactly the same thing. Getting back to the trust thing, some people have very deeply held convictions on this topic, so I prefer to tread lightly in a forum like this one.
That said, the origin of the thread was in part about what happens when children leave home, and consequently, what people think about hiking solo vs. with others.hey, ya feel how ya feel...you’re doin’ fine.
Durunner
11-13-2017, 22:26
I have never backpacked with anyone. I do many things along, so I am used to it. I have nature loving friends from trail running, but haven't been able to convince them to join me, although they are interested. I got pretty lonely in the dark around 7 pm at Grayson Highlands last year. Early darkness at camp is my only lonely times. I do feel sad that others don't experience beautiful places that I do.
For most of my life I was doing things alone, mostly due to the fact that it was impossible to find somebody to join me in the unusual itinerary of the journey.
During the journeys I usually travelled alone, but met people every now and then, and when after many years it happened that we (some old friends) had a serious discussion about being alone - and doing the math I had to admit that until then I had never been alone without seeing another human for a minimum of 24hrs. There are always people you meet, or at least see in the distance.
So finally I had to rethink the concept of being alone by meaning not exactly physically being the only one around for a given time, but being mentally alone (in a good way), being able to have all the thoughts and moods for myself and not get drowned in lonelyness.
This worked - somehow, sometimes. Other times it didn't work.
I learned that when going out for a journey your mind (heart?) has to be clean, otherwise it wouldn't work.
Everything changed when at age 35 my first daughter was born. I setteled down to being a family man, put more effort into earning money, provided room to live in.
The relation finally broke, but the love to the family (what was left of it) held on.
At age 40 I married and by this gained a huge family of 6 kids. Most of them are outdoor lovers, especially rock climbing. They are way better than me in these things now.
My wife had been hiking and climbing a lot in her earlier years, and now we try to do this things together as many times as possible.
We love to share the outdoor experience. I find it very rewarding to adapt to her pace rather than to speed off as I would do when alone.
When doing hikes together, I find much more time and pleasure to sit and look and feel and enjoy.
I'm still doing trips alone, out of practical reasons, as I can get free time more easy than my wife with all the family chores.
I truely enjoy the solo hikes, but honestly have to admit that the feeling is different than to the solo trips in my earlier life.
In the old days, I understood the trips as part of my ongoing and ever changing life, like an adventure with open end. I had not much to lose back home, and was ready to stay and live wherever it suited and with whomever I loved (and I did).
Nowadays, I solo hike and live outdoors for a week or two and feel in a way as if my wife was at my side. I text her my adventures and feelings every, or every other day.
I don't feel lonely because she is with me, in my heart. She, back home, pretty much has the same feelings.
I can't tell if the old, solo, adventurous way, or the recent, dual, loving way is better.
I had the frist one for several decades and it was great, and I have the new one for more than 20 years now and I love it.
Don't know what the future might bring. I belive, if it happened that I had to fall back to being solo, after working through the sorrow, I might be able to go back to the old solo life, and enjoy it.
Hello fellow Illinoisan. I have felt much of what you felt. So much that I have said and felt many of the exact things that you have, even about the ticks (which I still obsess about)! I was also surprised to hear how your mind is constantly going and going, I have the same problem, even in my dreams. I am always very fearful that when I take my kids out camping with me that I will expose them to some debilitating tick-bourne illness and it frightens me. Anyway, you are not alone in your thoughts, I am tormented by the same issues as you are.
Alligator
11-15-2017, 12:06
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejfMrZQU3Eo
rocketsocks
11-15-2017, 19:23
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejfMrZQU3EoStrangly mesmerizing and melodic, the kind of song I could listen to 3 times before moving on.
Hey TSWisla, hope you get this reply. Ditto regarding worry about the kids. Man, about ten years ago I took the kids camping up at Governor Dodge for a few days. This was just before my mom got lyme, so it wasn't on my mind. It was hotter than an oven in mid July, so we were in shorts, and I kid you not walking around in waist deep grass around a lake. I have no idea how many ticks we ended up with, but thank goodness we got a hotel that night because it was about 120 in the tent, and I got the kids cleaned up. I think about that probably once a week and wince, because I know that I put my kids at risk, albeit unwittingly.
Since then I've taken them camping and hiking all over. I probably worry most when we're up in the boundary waters in the summer. I am about as careful as I can be without making them phobic too, so it's just tick checks at night and them complaining about it. And then me worrying when we get home. I guess I ultimately have decided that it's a calculated risk, which I'm more prone to taking now that the kids are old enough to understand the risk. But when they were too little to understand, I was quite conflicted about whether it was fair to expose them to the risk. In retrospect I'm glad I did, but then again no one got sick.
The obsessing is probably part of the reason it's tough to hike alone. Sounds like you probably understand. Having someone with me allows me to get out of my own head. In fact, having kids in general has helped a lot with that, because it's hard to worry about yourself when you are constantly taking care of others. In a way it's a blessing, because I have learned to channel all that energy into constructive pursuits.
I still worry that perhaps I am doing the wrong thing by taking my kids out in the woods, esp in WI. It troubles me greatly.
I struggle with my mind a lot. I can never really "let go" enough to enjoy myself. Something, usually many things, are always bouncing around up there. I suppose that I was destined to be a tormented soul...
Alligator
11-15-2017, 23:10
I still worry that perhaps I am doing the wrong thing by taking my kids out in the woods, esp in WI. It troubles me greatly.
I struggle with my mind a lot. I can never really "let go" enough to enjoy myself. Something, usually many things, are always bouncing around up there. I suppose that I was destined to be a tormented soul...Consider what Tipi Walter mentioned earlier...a yoga mantra. I understand what you mean about stuff bouncing around. A mantra lets you focus on the mantra so that the rest falls away. It helps to still the mind and be in the moment. It's not always easy to get there.
Another method I find helpful is that when all those thoughts are bouncing around inside my head on the trail and I am aware of it (and not enveloped in it) is that I will look to the beams of sunshine coming through the trees. I focus on that, stop, take a deep breath, lift my head up, and open my ears to the sounds of the woods.
evyck da fleet
11-16-2017, 00:30
If you’re lonely and uncomfortable in your own skin in every day life you’ll bring that into the woods.
I prefer backpacking solo. Because of the length of the trips and miles covered it’s difficult to find someone who can keep up and get the time off. I’ve tried hiking with people during the day but I wind up talking to them and ignoring nature. I’d rather socialize at the end of the day with like minded individuals.
However I will hike with friends on weekends instead of doing the same trails over and over solo. And I tend not to do trips during the winter because of the extra hours in camp.
I also prefer to get up and out before others to have summits, viewpoints etc all to myself before the crowds arrive. I can appreciate others’ love of nature without being there with them.
illabelle
11-16-2017, 07:48
I rarely hike alone, and have never backpacked alone. It's not that I couldn't/wouldn't. It's just that I'm incredibly lucky to have a spouse who is willing to walk with me. And unlike those who hike "together" but at their own pace, meeting up at the end of the day, 90% of the time the two of us are within a few yards of each other.
I appreciate having someone with whom to share the hiking experience: the ups and downs, the effects of temperature/precipitation/wind, the leaves falling to the ground, the constant attention to foot placement, the physical challenges, the delight of a bright green mossy log, the quick glimpse of a wild animal, the sheer freedom of being out there. No matter how fabulous the scenery may be, photographs can't capture that experience. There's always something missing, something of significance. I can share a photo, but to share the experience, you have to put a pack on.
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What do I think about while hiking?
Believe it or not, I think about WhiteBlaze quite a bit while I'm hiking. I think about how to share the hiking experience on WB (because the folks here know what it means to put a pack on), what pictures to show, what memories to include. On our last trip I was going to put together a Tipi-style report about the "busted-nut climb" (pic w/ squirrel-chewed walnuts, hickory nuts, acorns on the ground), and my massive 230-pound pack (pic of my husband piggy-back, very briefly!). Would be fun/funny to put together, but I'll probably never get around to it...
On another hike I considered putting together an essay about The Under-Appreciated Tree. Up in Maine, we had emerged from tree cover in cold wind and rain to cross over an exposed area of low scrub. I was cold. The rain was coming sideways, hitting my cheek. After a few minutes we re-entered the woods to immediate relief! No wind. Rain negligible. Trees, even spindly ugly trees, are Shelter. Yes, their roots cover the trail and sometimes trip me or slow me down. But they hold the soil and rocks in place. Collectively, they hold the mountain in place, and seemingly, the world. Days later while flying home, I look down on the earth. It felt good to see great big wooded areas! Not so much to see population centers with trees confined to narrow strips along streams, streets, and edges of property. And I wonder how it is that we don't see the tree as Shelter. Somewhere I have a photo for this essay, taken as we were coming down from Chairback Gap. It's a young fir about a foot tall growing from the hollowed stump of a tree that was cut from the middle of the trail. It will inevitably be whacked into oblivion by the next maintainer to visit that section of trail, but I was impressed by its bravery.
Other times I may immerse myself in an imaginary scenario where civilization doesn't exist, and a small group of people are alone in an undeveloped world. They are faced with the task of re-populating, preserving what's left of the accumulated human knowledge, establishing an orderly civil society, mapping and navigating, cultivating food, etc. I contemplate how much hands-on knowledge has been lost over the years. Who knows how to make a stone axe? Who remembers enough about history and government to teach the next generation how to avoid tyranny? Who knows how to build a roof over a dugout? Who knows how to make paper? How do you teach people to memorize the landscape? Who can make durable rope or fabric? That vine, that tree, that berry, that stone, what is it, and what are its properties, and how could it be used?
What do I NOT think about while hiking?
Work, chores waiting for me at home, Christmas shopping (uggh!), bills to pay, news & politics.
Thanks Illabelle for that really awesome look into what's going on between the ears while you hike. I really like your ideas on thinking through the best ways to share the experience. And I also appreciate you sharing the imaginary scenario! I do the same thing sometimes, and I wonder if a lot of people do too. I'll share one silly thing, which is that often when I'm eating something really tasty, I think about the people who I'd like to share it with, especially people who don't have enough to eat. I write little stories in my head about the people I'd meet and what their lives are like.
Lucky dude that you can hike with your wife. When my boys and I hike together, we always stick together, no matter what. I think that's sort of how I'm wired. I do a lot of bikepacking and running too. When the boys were younger, we did some triathlons together, and I slowed to their pace so we could finish together. Now their older and stronger and could kick my butt, but they stay with me, which is gratifying.
But that said, it's totally valid to hike your own hike. I mentioned earlier that individualism is a strength that I respect, and I really mean that. Individualism makes us stronger and more diverse.
This has been so helpful. I'm starting to think I am ready to so a solo in the next few weeks, though I'm also stoked that my brother is visiting from Connecticut this weekend and we're going to do a little hiking in Wisconsin.
I prefer to go alone, or with someone who doesn't need a babysitter. My main hiking partner is comfortable with me getting a few miles ahead or behind as long as we meet up for lunch and at the end of the day. I hike with a partner mainly to avoid the hassle of arranging a shuttle...we leave a car at each end of our hike...and these days I'm doing my hiking in an area where there aren't any/many service providers in the area, so arranging a shuttle is different and more expensive than what you find on the AT, if you can even find someone willing to do it.
I guess another advantage to the two car system is that you don't have to drive to the destination with your hiking partner. To be honest, part of what sounds unappealing about hiking with another dude (outside of my own family) is just getting there. I'd have to be pretty comfortable with someone to want to spend more than an hour in a car with them. That's literally like being in a tent with someone, complete with all the sounds, smells and dialogue.
AllDownhillFromHere
11-16-2017, 17:42
I hike alone for the simple reason that I have no one to hike with.
“Happiness [is] only real when shared” Jon Krakauer
I don't let Krakauer define happiness, or anything else, for me. I am often very, very, happy by myself, and equally as happy in the company of kindred spirits.
It's entirely appropriate for each of us to pursue happiness our own way, and to allow others to do the same.
rocketsocks
11-17-2017, 11:15
“Happiness [is] only real when shared” Jon Krakauer
I don't let Krakauer define happiness, or anything else, for me. I am often very, very, happy by myself, and equally as happy in the company of kindred spirits.
It's entirely appropriate for each of us to pursue happiness our own way, and to allow others to do the same.
This, all day long!
cmoulder
11-17-2017, 13:28
“Happiness [is] only real when shared” Jon Krakauer
I don't let Krakauer define happiness, or anything else, for me. I am often very, very, happy by myself, and equally as happy in the company of kindred spirits.
It's entirely appropriate for each of us to pursue happiness our own way, and to allow others to do the same.
+100
Having someone else dictate to you what makes you happy is the height of arrogance. If this is quoted out of context and the ideas before or after implied "for me," that is a different story.
I've backpacked solo, solo with my dog, and with other people and have been equally happy. If others need company to be happy while hiking, that's fine too.
Decision-making is easier when solo — I have to consult only one guy. :-?
AllDownhillFromHere
11-17-2017, 23:07
“Happiness [is] only real when shared” Jon KrakauerI don't let Krakauer define happiness, or anything else, for me. I am often very, very, happy by myself, and equally as happy in the company of kindred spirits.
It's entirely appropriate for each of us to pursue happiness our own way, and to allow others to do the same.
It's the same with gear. There's inevitably some DB who claims that "all you need is tent X, or bag Y, or boots Z".
“Happiness [is] only real when shared” Jon Krakauer
I don't let Krakauer define happiness, or anything else, for me.
I don’t believe that is a direct quote from Krakauer.
Rather it is is what Christopher McCandless circled/wrote in the margins of Dr. Zhivago which was found with his dead body.
Probably not good for great literature define happiness either, but I can see why Krakaur included that finding in his own book. For me, Krakaur’s context made the McCandless/Pasternak quote all the more powerful.
I've never hiked with anyone but my wife, kids (5,7,9), and dog. With the dog it was just the dog and I. I'm only a few years and short miles into this sporting adventure. I've done a few solo hikes and solo camp hikes and enjoyed it very well. Two times i saw zero people on the trail and once i hiked early in the morning for a head start and found a burning flashlight on a rock step just before sunrise. I find it very fun and comforting as I too am a isolated to myself person by nature and because of my work hours away from family. My wife is lukewarm to hiking and ice cold to hiking to camp. It's out of her comfort zone and she doesent enjoy it like I do. I wish she'd get into it more because I enjoy going with her for company. I don't like to talk when I hike because i'm not in top shape and i have always had a hard time breathing during long exercises like running etc. I've taken my kids a half dozen times and i've camped on the hike with my boys 3 times on a one night camp about 6-7 miler. My oldest boy (almost 7) does well with it and enjoys it. My youngest boy (5) does great at the start then he fusses some, as expected. I have to lag back with him and let the oldest boy (middle child) get out and lead because thats what he likes to do. Overall they enjoy it and though at times in the hike the swear they'll never go again. We havent been since last Nov and they've been asking lately so it's getting time to take them. My daughter is not a fan especially overnight camping on the trail. She's done a few day hikes and has her moments. She's like her mom mostly.
I've rambled on and on but to the original poster I wish to do more hiking but struggle too with trying to meet up with people i dont know on the trail. My friends dont have time and i'm finding I dont have as much time for it as i would like. I have to go on weekdays when i'm off work. The obvious problem is there is nobody to go with then. I'm not a people person or good at striking conversation, nor do i like it often. I often worry over safety taking my boys with just me and going alone without them or anyone.