The final day emotional letdown [Archive]

View Full Version : The final day emotional letdown

Programbo

02-12-2006, 19:59

I`ve read lots of threads on here from potential thru hikers and can sense their excitement of their coming adventure..But thru my hiking lifetime I`ve found over and over the one thing most people don`t think about or plan to experience is that huge emotional down that comes in the final days of a hike of this magnitude..Hiking the trail becomes your world and your life and then finally you are looking at that sign telling you it's over..You want to turn around and start back the other way..Then again maybe people are different today and this event doesn`t have the impact it once did?..I`m very big on the emotional aspects of things as I do a lot of support group work for various health topics so this sort of thing is of interest to me regardless of the subject...Perhaps some recent or not recent thru hikers can weigh in on this particular part of your hike (The final few and the last day) and tell how you felt at that time

neo

02-12-2006, 20:12

my adventure comes every year as section hikes,i am always excited when the time come,i have child support,house note,jeep note and career,you cant walk away from young children,plus i do not want to be a dead beat dad,i will finish the AT next year,2001-2007,i plan on a thru hike in 2026
i love to be on any trail,but the AT is my spiritual journey:cool: neo

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=5898&catid=member&imageuser=3462

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=5900&catid=member&imageuser=3462

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=5895&catid=member&imageuser=3462

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=4093&catid=member&imageuser=3462

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=4072&catid=member&imageuser=3462

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=5964&catid=member&imageuser=3462

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=6224&catid=member&imageuser=3462

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=6226&catid=member&imageuser=3462

http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/vbg/showimage.php?i=9060&catid=member&imageuser=3462

attroll

02-12-2006, 23:08

Peaks

02-13-2006, 10:53

Don't kid yourself. It's still there and it's real.

For me, emotionally, it was really very hard to turn around at the summit of Katahdin and hike down. I just wanted to keep on going.

For advice on how to deal with the let down and return to "civilization," read the end of Wingfoot's Handbook on the subject.

neo

02-13-2006, 11:00

Section hikes are a lot different then a 6 or 7 month thru hike.

well i cant abandon my sons,but i am their are people here that value a thru hike over their children,:cool: neo

neo

02-13-2006, 11:03

Section hikes are a lot different then a 6 or 7 month thru hike.

its my hike,i am hiking my hike the only way i can:cool: neo

neo

02-13-2006, 11:17

Section hikes are a lot different then a 6 or 7 month thru hike.

it would be more like a 4 month hike for me:cool: neo

Blue Jay

02-13-2006, 22:04

It all depends upon what kind of experience you had all those months. To many people hiking down is a relief and they have no problem returning to the money world, as they never really left it. For others, who have had life changing experiences I have never heard of a way to prepare yourself for reentry. Many refuse to do so.

domnokmis

02-13-2006, 22:29

well i cant abandon my sons,but i am their are people here that value a thru hike over their children,:cool: neoI think ATTROLL was referring to the fact that Programbo was asking thruhikers about their feelings at Katahdin, and that thruhiking is different than section hiking emotionally (not that there is anything wrong with section hiking).

Also, just because you thruhike when you have children does not mean that you are abandoning them, or that you value them less than a section hiker.

Nor does it mean that you love your spouse less, for that matter.

freefall

02-13-2006, 22:31

. For others, who have had life changing experiences I have never heard of a way to prepare yourself for reentry. Many refuse to do so.

If I should have to return, and surely I must, I shall go kicking and screaming. For, on the topic of society, the following sums up my feelings:

I don't know half of you half as well as I should like, and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve. -Bilbo Baggins:D

attroll

02-14-2006, 02:20

I think ATTROLL was referring to the fact that Programbo was asking thruhikers about their feelings at Katahdin, and that thruhiking is different than section hiking emotionally (not that there is anything wrong with section hiking).

Yes that was what I was referring to. Programbo was referring to thru hikers not section hikers. He even stated thru hikers. I though that was pretty obvious when I read the post. So that's why my comment was written the way it was. But some people only read part of the post and are to anxious to make a reply before reading the whole post. They just have to put there two cents in. That was why I left it without replying again.

Drum Stick

02-17-2006, 07:48

If you have the time I would suggest enjoying a couple of days in Millinocket, then hike south and finish at Monson. I did not finish my hike this way but I wish I had because yes, the experience ended very abruptly. I think the hike south would be an ideal way to wind down and perhaps cushion the 'letdown'. And if you are not the last NB thru hiker to make it to Katahdin you will be in good company. For what it is worth.

Best of luck to you!

Drum Stick

hustler

02-18-2006, 00:28

The emotional let down never really hit me at the end of my hike. I had hiked alone from Kent Ct to the big K, and was covering huge miles. I was more than ready to be done and to move on to something else. It was pouring rain on my summit day, and I was really tired and cold so I tagged the summit and never looked back. This winter has been the emotional let down because there will be no long distance hiking this year.

Mags

02-18-2006, 12:20

I wrote these two posts on the Pacific Crest Trail mailing list. May be appropriate for the discussion. Kinda long. Kinda personal. You may or may not find it appropriate.

From December 2005:

AS I mentioned, gear discussions are nice. It is the
nuts and bolts of our passion.

But, gear is not what hiking is all about (for me
anyway). Part of the allure of hiking for me is the
journey. A wilderness pilgrimage where I immeresed in
beauty for months at a time. Part of the journey is
the arrival back home. It is the part of the journey
seldom talked about. Adjusting post trail can be
interesting.

Below is something I wrote back 2003 on another hiking
list, less than ayear after I finished the PCT. Seems
appropriate for this list. Maybe some of you will get
something out of it. Maybe some of you will think what
I wrote is a big pile of steaming crap. But it is most
definitely PCT (and long distance hiking in general)
related. :)

Read it. Enjoy. Or not.

>From 2003:

Re-adjusting after the AT was just brutual. Most of
the people who have been on this list for a while know
the story of what I found out the day after I finished
the AT, but to re-cap for those who are new here (1999
on!):

August 1st, 1998. Finished the AT. Easily one of the
happiest days of my life. My best friend, who I have
known since Catholic school days, hiked the last week
of the trail with me. My youngest brother and other
friends met us at Katahdin Stream campground at 7am.

Still remember the day clearly. The ponds were misting
for the day was cool, but warming quickly. The two
miles from Daicey to Katahdin were strange. Almost
dream like. Five mos of hiking about to come to an
end. But I arrived in the parking lot, and there was
Steve (brother), Leo, Jim and Steve (friend). They
hadn't seen me in 5 mos, never saw me with a beard,
and couldn't believe how I looked (or smelled!).

Climbed to the Tableland with them. But, as soon as I
saw the Katahdin sign, I sped up. All but Steve and
Tim fell behind. Reach the sign, hollered, took my
picture (with a full watermelon I carried to the
summit). The others arrived and pulle out a feast. Leo
packed in a bottle of Dom (!). My first and only time
drinking a $100 bottle of champagne. They also sprayed
me down with sprakling wine. They said I smelled
better stinking of cheap booze! We also had cold-cuts,
bagles, cheese, fresh fruit. As Squanto said "Your
friends packed an Italian deli to the summit!".
Indeed.

Also puffed on some convenience store stogies my
brother packed in. Reminded me of why I don't smoke...
Happy..happy..happy..very happy day.

August 2nd, 1998. Shaved, showered, clean clothes.
Somewhere on I-95 getting back to RI. The rental car
became very quiet. My brother, who had just graduated
from high school, said "Paul. There's somethng I have
to tell you". That is usually not a good way to start
a conversation... "While you were away, our parents
seperated. The family house has been sold"... Me "What
about the dog?" (Family pet of 15 yrs) Steve "She's
been put to sleep". (She had arthrtitis extrememly bad
before I left..had lost most of her sight while I was
away)

Ouch.

As you can imagine the double whammy of a) getting
used to civilization after 5 mos of exploring the
woods b) getting used to the idea that the previous 24
yrs of my life just does not exist anymore made for me
an interesting time. Pulling up to the family home
seeing a SOLD sign on the front lawn, finding all my
belongings in cardboard boxes and having two weeks to
find a place to live (when I did not expect to) was a
bit overwhelming.

Needless to say, 1999 was a difficult year for me.
Felt lost. No one in my family could relate really. I
was supposed to have gotten it out of my system. At
24, I was supposed to start thinking of serious
things. And Rhode Island is not exaclty a mecca for
people who value the outdoors as something to be
cherished. :-D

Coming from a conservative, blue-collar, Catholic
background was not supposed to do things like dreaming
of taking big adventures. One was supposed to be more
than enough. Time to get a good job, meet a nice girl,
start a family. (Come to think of it..they still say
that. :D) My friends, with the exception of one
friend, wondered when I was going to "snap out of it"
as well.

Long story short...needed a change and moved to
Colorado one year to the day I ended the AT. Wanted to
get away and start fresh, if you will. Tim kicked me
in the ass to get a move on. Basically said "You
aren't happy. Do something about it!" Good friends are
like that...

Moving to Colorado was an adventure in itself. I might
as well have moved to Guam. For most of my friends and
family, going to Boston (1 hr away), was a road trip.
Being 2000 miles away? Wow... Definitely became the
black sheep in a family where all 6 children and all
16 grandchildren still lived within ten miles of each
other. (On the other hand, when I do visit, I do get
to pick whatever food I want for family meals. ;-) Oh
yes..the family is now up to 4 great-grandchildren.
Traditional Catholic family in more than a few ways...
)

Think that is common for many people who finish a long
trail. Feel adrift. Not sure what to do next. The goal
you worked so hard for has been finished. Now what?
Part of that feeling is physiological. Your energy
level was abusrdly high. The body becomes addicted to
that level. Then, the activity ceases abruptly. But,
the big adjustment is psychological. Getting used to
many people again. Getting used to living on a schdule
that is not set by you. Going from your "office view"
being the mountains to working in a cubicle again,
wondering if you can get the extra day-off for along
weekend.

I think I had a unique post-trail story, but sure of
this story reflects, in some ways, for other
thru-hikers, too.

My PCT re-adjustment story was in someways better,
someways worse. I figured doing the AT, would be ready
for the post-trail "funk". Wrong.

First, the IT industry took a big nose dive in
Colorado. Even more so than the rest of the country.
Long story short, the job I had lined up before I left
was no longer. The company was liquidated. The job I
had to take more or less had retail hours (did the
techie thing in a computer store) and was hard to even
escape on weekends for a needed outdoor fix.

As Jim mentioned, I also felt uncomfortable in crowds.
At the first meeting I attended for my outdoor group,
one friend asked me if I was OK. I am still like that
in crowds, if a bit better than a year ago. I don't
think I was really prepared for the physiological
changes. I was so pre-occupied with the family issues
post-AT, that I did not notice the physiological
issues at all. This time I did.

But, living in Boulder (which *IS* an outdoor mecca),
had much more support from other people. People who
may not have thru-hiked but have spent weeks or months
biking in Europe. Climbing the Himalayas. Training for
ulta-marathons. They could relate on some level.
People who actually wanted to hear stories. Who nodded
their heads and understood.

Also became heavily involved in my outdoor group. Took
over the e-mail list, organized a bunch of trips. In
short, found a new "project" right away. And I took up
running, helping to keep up that physical activity.
The combo of running and being involved in something
really shortened the post-trail funk.

So, post-trail "funkiess" can be interesting. You feel
lost, uncomfortable in "normal life". You miss the
lifestyle terribly. SOme people adjust better than
others. Some keep on hiking. :-)

Anyway, that was my long, rambling post about my
post-trail experiences. A bit akward at times..but I
adjusted. For the most part. ;-)
****

Post script Dec 2005: Here it is two years later after
I made that post. Like many habitual offenders, I want
to be on the trail again.

The Colorado Trail last year was but a tease! I don't
know if I really adjusted if I still want to keep on
doing a long hike. Kinda like a healthier (physically)
junkie. ;)

I once told my on again/off again girlfriend that
after the CDT I'd be ready to settle down; one more
big hike is all I need.

She looked at me with a Mona Lisa smile and said
"You'll be saying that
when you are 70". Ah..she knows me well!

She also once told me "The outdoors for you is not a
hobby, it is a lifestyle".

Her two comments could apply to MANY of us.

So post-trail adjustment? I am afraid for many of us
are in **PRE-trail**
adjustment. We long for the next big adventure.

Is it healthy? Probably not. But it is who many of us
are. Trying to find the same sense of fulfillment in daily life
can be difficult at times. Possible, but difficult... Still trying to
balance wanderlust and stability.

Anyway..that's my nickels worth of rambling!

And another post from a woman asking what we did to combat post trail "funkiness":

--- "Sevenon7th at yahoo.com (http://mailman.hack.net/mailman/listinfo/pct-l)" <sevenon7th at yahoo.com (http://mailman.hack.net/mailman/listinfo/pct-l)>
wrote:

> not. What I can tell you, is that this is real for
> me. I would love to hear from some folks who had
> similar feelings upon returning from trail life.
> How did you adjust?

Right now..get off the keyboard and do SOMETHING.

A lot of what you are experiencing right now is
physiological. You are coming down from a drug
(endorphin) high. Your body is addicted to the
phyiscal activitiy. To go from such a high level of
activity to little is hard.

I too was feeling lost when I returned from the PCT.
And part of that was physical. I took up running in
addition to my usual hiking. Not saying you have to go
for a run..but a long walk would be nice. Do regular
exercise..you'll feel better.

The other, much more important aspect, is the mental.
Your big goal is over..now what? Can you find
something in life that gives you some focus?

For me, post-PCT, was becoming heaviliy involved in my
outdoor group. I maitain the e-mail list, organize a
boat load of trips and spend time with people who may
not neccessarily hike for 4-5 months, but can at least
appreicate it on some level. Living in Boulder, I am
lucky where I can find like minded people. My social
circle is almost entirely made up of people I met
through this outdoor group, too. In short, I formed a
community that means as much to me as much as the
community I formed on the trail.
If you look at my outdoor photos, you'll see many of
the same faces (and one chocolate lab who I spoil way
too much. :D Actually bought the dog Hanukah discuits.
Sheesh..wait until my friends have kids!)

Keeping up my physical activity, having a focus and
forming a community are what helped me adjust to the
"real world". Living where I live (Boulder, CO) helps
immensley too. But every community has some people you
can relate to. In Boulder, it is easier. But if you
look, you shall find.

The one part I am still struggling with is the
yearning to do another big hike. Not sure if that ever
goes away. Trying to balance a sense of wanderlust
while still having a community and stability in my
life is something I struggle with myself. That, my
friend, is the hardest post-trail challenge of all!

Good luck..hope this helps.

February 2006 Another post script: My friend Marni
announced two weeks ago she is pregnant. Looks like
her and Josh are going to have their first baby. Woo hoo!
They thought I spoiled the dog, wait until they have the baby. :)
"Uncle Mags", the crazy hiker trash uncle. ;)

EarthJourney

02-18-2006, 22:11

Mags - Nice post! And for my taste, not long enough! I'm a good 12 years older than you, and I have yet to do a long thru-hike, but it sounds as if we're cut from the same mettle!

wildbill4416

02-19-2006, 18:34

I have read many, many stories about thru-hikers. I really like reading their comments when they make it to the end. Every hiker seems to react to the end of their journey differently; some laugh, some cry, some are just speechless, some are sad that it is over, some are happy it's over. That's one reason I want to hike the A.T. I have no idea what I will do or what kind of emotion I will be feeling if I make it. I also know it changes everyone's outlook on life and I an curious how it may change me.

rumbler

02-19-2006, 20:41

After a (very proud to drag it out that long) 7 months I had no problem coming down from Katahdin.

What I did not expect was that I would have a problem exercising when I got home. Here I was in great shape, except that my knees and feet ached to the point that the last thing I wanted on this earth was to get off of my couch for about 4 months.

That, and I decided that vacation was a greater requirement out of my job than salary. Other than that, no real adjustments. :-)))

SalParadise

02-19-2006, 21:29

ditto Mags. I'd say I feel the same way. I thought after my thru that moving and getting another job would help, but it's only worse. Last summer I was somewhere new every hour but now it's back to office-home-office. It's odd because I was never this way before I started my thru, but now I can't figure out how to satiate my wanderlust. I figured I would have used it all up on my trip, the way a two-week family vacation makes you glad that you're home.
In some ways I almost regret going on the hike at all, since it's made regular life almost uncomfortable. Plus all I do now is daydream.

evolross

02-27-2006, 15:45

There's always the possibility of changing your job type in order to better benefit your need to be outdoors. Consider working for yourself, becoming a consultant, or working temporary contract jobs. Go back to school... Community College is cheap. If you're involved in any aspect of IT then this is definitely a possibility.

This way you can work when you need to replenish funds and then have the time off to do extended/thru-hikes when you wanted to. Of course this gets more involved if you have a family, a house, etc...

If you LOVE the outdoors there's always the National Park Ranger position. There are lots of temporary openings for 6 months or so. These can lead to permanent positions. This would be the ideal job if you loved to be in the outdoors 24/7. There are lots of other outdoor jobs as well.

Don't accept work and a job to be a certain way just because 99% of Americans have an "8 to 5" that they despise. People who love their work didn't come to LOVE their work by settling on something they didn't care for. ;)

Peaks

02-27-2006, 18:34

Well, for me, it was emotionally very hard to turn around from Baxter Peak and had back to civilization. I enjoyed my journey, and the many friends and other wonderful people that I met along the way. I had acheived my goal, and was sorry that it was over. So, it was a bit rough at first. But I got over it, and looked for other adventures.

bigbear

03-27-2006, 16:05

My first thru hike was an eye opening learning experience for me, start to finish. Learning to long distance hike as a novice. Paring down pack weight so as not to kill myself. Losing weight, developing a hiker body, dealing with the mental ups and downs as well as the problem of making constant short term and long term goals. I was never bored and always moving in a positive direction. I suffered through the hardships and enjoyed the bliss (and endorphins!)
I was never prepared for the huge emotional depression I would get when I returned home from my AT hike-of-a-lifetime.
I wasn't as ill prepared for the hiking in my second thru hike. I trained for three months in preparation for hiking big miles. My body was strong and hard; my gear was pared down to an acceptable level for my many weeks on trail; my mental toughness and tolerance of less than comfortable conditions was honed for the hardships of hiking the PCT. I enjoyed every step of my PCT hike, even with it's highlights and lowlights.
I thought I would be just as mentally prepared for my after PCT life. I wasn't... I was just as depressed afterwards as I had been after I had finished the AT.
I always tell people that the hardest part of either of my thru hikes was coming home.