View Full Version : Unwanted Company
mambo_tango
02-23-2006, 02:02
How do some of you deal with the attention (politely) that male hikers may show for you (ones that just won't leave you alone)? Not talking about 'creepy' guys but just regular ol' guys that just aren't your type? This thread might be repetitive but I was just curious.
i would say that some folks convince themselves that someone MIGHT be interested even though they know that they probably are not. some people will hold on to that tiny thread of a chance until they are told the truth by the other party involved. a polite "you're no where near my type" should work in most circumstances. if it doesn't an impolite fk off should do the trick. if all else fails, just tell him that you love him and he should run like hell.
Once they notice that I'm the hairiest woman on earth, it's just not an issue anymore :-). But seriously, I conciously stop flirting at all and just act like "one of the guys." That's always worked for me.
mambo_tango
02-24-2006, 00:52
if all else fails, just tell him that you love him and he should run like hell.
I find that hilarious! I could really run with that one...............
Mountain Maiden
02-24-2006, 01:00
First off, The Trail community is generally such a great place--I doubt if you'll have much trouble. Hikers are usually considerate and sensitive to others.
If not---do the same as you would at home. Body language says a lot. Don't make eye contact. Turn away. Be "busy" with other things. If it gets to be too much of a problem--hike ahead or stay behind. A day makes a huge difference on the Trail. Before you know it--you may never see that person again. You can also take up the company of others. Most people get the hint.
Just Jeff
02-24-2006, 01:18
As a guy, I'd appreciate it if you were direct and polite. "You're a nice guy, but you're not my type. Maybe I'll run into you later on the trail. Bye."
Guys are pretty dense, so we often don't pick up on the "obvious" hints you women give us. If being direct doesn't work and you can't hike ahead or stay behind, a simple "leave me the hell alone" in front of a few other hikers should do the trick!
(But since I'm married it won't be me you're talking to! Still, I think that'll work for most guys.)
Downunda
02-24-2006, 01:29
Surely all you have to do is to say is "I'm out here to hike and am not at all interested in a relationship".
ATSeamstress
02-24-2006, 01:32
I encountered a hiker last year who came right out and said that women can "have their pick" but men are at a disadvantage because all the women out here are either married or lesbians. Then he proceeded to tell me how long it had been for him. I politely but firmly informed him that I am not married, nor am I a lesbian, but I was out there to hike and wasn't interested in a casual fling. It worked. I let him hike on ahead and I never saw him again.
Whistler
02-24-2006, 01:35
Amen to that. Just be clear and forthright. There's no need to use body language only, when we have a perfectly good spoken language.
-Mark
Tha Wookie
02-24-2006, 02:37
Pardon me for interjecting, ladies.
I've noticed on long hikes that attractive women tend to attract a following. When I was passing through the ranks on the AT, there would always be a clump of guys and one or two attractive gals. In a lot of cases, the female would have kind of adopted a male "friend" who was like a safety buddy. In this way, guys can be assets. More often than not, everyone out there bonds so much that the guys can be protective at times, looking out for their thru-sister.
Sometimes, I've wondered if the "buddy" approach for pure safety's sake has become a limiting factor. I know many couples that met on the AT. One, Six-String and Luna '97, met at Fontana Dam and were married by the Grayson Highlands. Another met late in the hike and later married each other after the trail. I wonder what would have happened if these women had been overly cautious....:-? Would they have met their love with a buddy scaring him off? Or does love find a way regardless?
At any rate, I would just recommend to remember that 99.9% of the people out there are very high-rate men who love and also respect women. They also will do a good job at looking out for that .1%.
That being said, I'm sure I wasn't aware of every proposition that occured out there. I would only echo then what is said here: Be straightforward and honest. If they don't back off, then let them pass or leave them in the dust. If they still show up, sick your buddy on them.;)
hammock engineer
02-24-2006, 11:24
If all else falls, start talking about your boyfriend (even if you do not have one). After a while of hearing my boyfriend this and my boyfriend that, any sane person would move on.
AbeHikes
02-24-2006, 11:50
I encountered a hiker last year who came right out and said that women can "have their pick" but men are at a disadvantage because all the women out here are either married or lesbians. Then he proceeded to tell me how long it had been for him.
I can't believe that this didn't "close the deal" for him. (note sarcasm) I've been out of the dating scene for a long time (married 18 years) and I still think I could come up with something more engaging than that. I wonder if that approach might have something to do with his perception on women. Kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy...
I try to be just a quiet observer in your forum, but this one hit me like a brick.
ATSeamstress
02-25-2006, 13:15
I heard that he hooked up with someone further up the trail, so it must have worked at least on her. Honestly, in seven years of section hiking, I have shared shelters with men, walked along with men, hitched rides with men, etc. and this is the first time a conversation turned that personal. I dress modestly and don't draw much attention to myself. Also at 44 there's younger prospects out there, so that may be to my advantage as well. I just really enjoy meeting all the hikers, men, women, young or old. There are some fascinating people out there.
I can't believe that this didn't "close the deal" for him. (note sarcasm) I've been out of the dating scene for a long time (married 18 years) and I still think I could come up with something more engaging than that. I wonder if that approach might have something to do with his perception on women. Kind of a self-fulfilling prophecy...
I try to be just a quiet observer in your forum, but this one hit me like a brick.
A very attractive and pleasant 45 year old whose hiking partner had quit the trail fell in with me for two months or so. I sensed she thought I was safe. Which certainly was true. But I didn't necessarily view that as a compliment....
Weary
Just Jeff
02-25-2006, 16:32
I can't wear rings when I hike b/c my hands swell. YMMV.
Big Dawg
02-26-2006, 07:44
removed
Huh??? :confused: Is there a personal story you'd like to share, Big Oz?
Original post seems like a valid question coming from a young attractive woman, considering a thru-hike, & wanting to be prepared for what some knucklehead guys will do.
Looking forward to Mambo Tango's response.
.
Huh??? :confused: Is there a personal story you'd like to share, Big Oz?
Original post seems like a valid question coming from a young attractive woman, considering a thru-hike, & wanting to be prepared for what some knucklehead guys will do.
Looking forward to Mambo Tango's response.
.those are everywhere just like the girls:dance
Tree-girl
02-26-2006, 12:26
Big Oz,
Maybe I shouldn't jump in here, but... I had to read your post twice to be sure you actually said that. You must have met some really idiotic gals in your day. I myself have been the (unfortunate) friend of someone like that, she would drive me crazy. But that doesn't make me think they're everywhere. Sadly, the vast majority of girls out there are far more likely to think that they are unattractive. This thread asks a very valid question; I've certainly had problems getting rid of unwanted attention, and I would find tips very useful. And believe me, I'm not stuck on myself.
removed
Then we all hang out together and have a grand ol' hiking time!:sun
corentin
02-26-2006, 17:49
Wow Big Oz, that was pretty rude. Not to mention kinda underinformed. Just to add my two cents.... Mambo has had the unfortunate experience in the past of attracting almost nice guys who don't understand that their persistance is unwanted and refuse to hear rejection. If a woman tells a guy to f off she can get called some pretty nasty things...in a persistant community like the trail nobody wants to get a bad reputation, woman are generally raised to be "nice" . And no, I am not full of myself, I have not ever had this problem, but I have seen Mambo have it. When it comes to my sister I have absolutely no problem telling guys to f off though....mama bears have nothing on a rampant big sister.
Leave camp early and hike long for a couple of days, maybe you'll burn him out, or have a true friend of a guy (like your brother or cousin) meet you at a trail crossing and spend the night with you in a motel room. Let the "interested" party think what he will.
I've had to play the fake boyfriend for some of my female friends over the years, and it has always done the trick (of course it helps that I'm a rather beefy guy).
Old Spice
02-26-2006, 21:36
You can always just tell them. Is someone is too stupid to see the subtle signals you are sending to let them know you are not interested, then you need to tell them in a way they can understand. It really isn't al that hard to politely tell someone that you are not interested. Often I think that we are just too scared of being so blunt.
carolinahiker
02-26-2006, 22:12
On one of my section hike i had to ladies fall in with me they said at the end i looked harmless, i quess that was a compliment lol. Thank god they didnt say old and harmless . lol
astrogirl
02-26-2006, 22:30
I'm married, and I seem to fall in with married guys whether I want company or not. They are perfectly nice guys (and sometimes cute to boot!), but I hike solo for a reason.
I guess they miss their wives or they think if their wife were out on the AT alone, they'd want someone to look after her a little.
I mean, I guess that's what's going on. I do wear a wedding ring.
mambo_tango
03-02-2006, 13:11
Just so everyone knows I am the most gorgeous creature on the planet and all men bow down to ME. Okay seriously I just started this thread because as Corentin has mentioned I have had a few guy troubles where they won't leave me alone. Yet I really was just curious as to how other people handled it and I was tickled with some of the responses. I relate to guys better than girls but when they start getting clingy - it drives me crazy. Now if you will excuse me I have to go grab my baseball bat and beat off all these men around me.
AbeHikes
03-02-2006, 13:43
It's a valid concern. Us men can be hounddogs sometimes. Almost every woman could face it. Hell, I'm not that good looking and I've had to emphasize to a few women that I'm spoken for and not interested. It can happen to anyone. It's good to be prepared.
How do some of you deal with the attention (politely) that male hikers may show for you (ones that just won't leave you alone)? Not talking about 'creepy' guys but just regular ol' guys that just aren't your type? This thread might be repetitive but I was just curious.
Mambo Tango,
I don't know if this will help or not, but here's some insight into the mind of most of us males.......if nothing else it's good for a laugh.
Crutch
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
From the female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1 If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings
Peach, for example, is a fruit, not A color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or golf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!
vipahman
03-06-2006, 11:32
Being in the NYC metro area, I prefer the seclusion. So anybody, male or female tends to be annoying after the first 2 minutes of polite conversation. I just pick up my pace with a few quick steps and then continue on my merry way. One of the benefits of hiking in winter is that the trail is almost exclusively yours.
icemanat95
03-06-2006, 11:33
As a guy, I'd appreciate it if you were direct and polite. "You're a nice guy, but you're not my type. Maybe I'll run into you later on the trail. Bye."
Guys are pretty dense, so we often don't pick up on the "obvious" hints you women give us. If being direct doesn't work and you can't hike ahead or stay behind, a simple "leave me the hell alone" in front of a few other hikers should do the trick!
(But since I'm married it won't be me you're talking to! Still, I think that'll work for most guys.)
:D
I'm with Jeff on this one. I was quite interested in a couple of different young ladies during different times of my hike, and I really appreciated it when they were honest, polite and direct. It saved us all a lot of excess stress. THe ones who tried not to hurt my feelings ended up creating more stress for both of us as I completely missed the hints and kept pressing on thinking I might have some chance.
Quite frankly, even the mention of fiances back home and boyfriends back home don't have that much impact...that can be a challenge. Unless the other guy is right there, or within a day's travel either way (which may NOT be a discouragement since that can be interpreted as a possible breach in that relationship) we are generally not terribly put off by the mere mention of some hypothetical beau. But, "I'm sorry, you seem like a nice guy, but I'm just not interested." doesn't allow much room for ambition or wishful thinking.
One of the biggest complaints that guys have when talking to other guys about relationships is game playing. We perceive that women play around with us, string us along, don't tell us all the truth, etc. Objectively we may understand that this is not really the case and that women are just trying to spare our feelings and avoid creating a conflict. But the reality is that most men (at least most men I know) don't really have that fine an appreciation for such niceties. Subtlety is lost on us,and our feelings, while as present as those of females, aren't really tuned to subtle hints and shadings. We'd rather be struck with the big hit and deal with it all at once.
This also works in the reverse. Many men DO NOT pick up on subtle hints that a woman may be interested in them. Which is why many women have to resort to pretty overt flirtation to get a guy interested enough to see if he may be worth the time and effort. If the guy then turns out to be a dud she is now faced with the difficult problem if dislodging this guy...who she couldn't have a subtle conversation with previously without practically putting a hook in his mouth, but is now hanging on like a tick despite her gentle efforts to dislodge him. Talk about a pain in the arse.
Guys can be pretty dense and hints generally don't work very well with us. Hit us in the forehead with it, dead on, and we'll usually get it. Usually. It's not that we're stupid...usually...we're just not wired that way. :D
Get up early, walk all day. Repeat. They'll be gone in a jiffy. (I know from experience.)
saimyoji
03-06-2006, 19:42
Mambo Tango,
I don't know if this will help or not, but here's some insight into the mind of most of us males.......if nothing else it's good for a laugh.
Crutch
The Guys' Rules
At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)
We always hear "the rules"
Fromthe female side.
Now here are the rules from the male side.
These are our rules!
Please note... these are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
1. Men ARE NOT mind readers.
1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down.
We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.
1. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.
1. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.
1. Crying is blackmail.
1. Ask for what you want.
Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it!
1. Yes and No are perfectly Acceptable answers to almost every question.
1. Come to us with a problem only If you want help solving it. That's what we do.
Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
1. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument.
In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 Days.
1. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't Expect us to act like soap opera guys.
1 If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meantthe other one.
1. You can either ask us to do something Or tell us how you want it done. Not both.
If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.
1. Whenever possible, Please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
1. Christopher Columbus did NOT need directions and neither do we.
1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings
Peach, for example, is a fruit, notA color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.
1. If it itches, it will Be scratched. We do that.
1 If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," We will act like nothing's wrong.
We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.
1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, Expect an answer you don't want to hear.
1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear Is fine...Really.
1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, orgolf.
1. You have enough clothes.
1. You have too many shoes.
1. I am in shape. Round IS a shape!
1. Thank you for reading this
Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight;
But did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping.
Pass this to as many men as you can - to give them a laugh.
Pass this to as many women as you can - to give them a bigger laugh!
I expect this will be deleted. Move it to the humor forum. Give us all a break and at least post in a normal font size. Note that I've fixed it for you.
Yes, I also expect my post to be deleted.
mambo_tango
03-06-2006, 20:48
Removed.
LOL. Don't worry - I don't think it is a debutante ball or whatever. I have worked and camped in places where the guys out-number the girls 6-1 or worse. I don't think I handled some of those situations as well as I should have and as I said before I really appreciated some of the responses to this thread. It wasn't my intention to make myself look narcisstic or ditzy :banana .
I relate to guys better than girls ...Now if you will excuse me I have to go ... beat off all these men around me.
?!?!?!?!?:D
mambo_tango
03-06-2006, 21:01
The last part of my post was sarcastic! Most of my good friends are guys.
The last part of my post was sarcastic! Most of my good friends are guys.
Clearly! (I'm just teasing....)
I won't court deletion by going any further...:p
Almost There
03-07-2006, 00:37
Hey Mambo in the end good luck on your hike, I am sure you will do great out there!!!
mambo_tango
03-07-2006, 12:53
Hey thanks :)!
nyushka42
04-08-2006, 13:08
Though I don't consider myself very attactive, I've been called "cute." Whatever that means. Anyway, for some reason every once in a while I get guys who just WON'T take a hint. So after a while when I go to clubs with friends I wear a ring that can be easily turned around & made into a "wedding ring." I'll probably do the same thing when I get on the trail. The last guy who hit on me & I really wasn't interested & he wouldn't take the hint, I told that I'd dumped my last boyfriend because he'd become "inconvinient." Worked like a charm.