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Michele
04-29-2006, 10:51
Hi everyone,

I was wondering how your spouses/significant others/partners dealt with a 6-7 month parting while you thru-hiked the AT.

My partner and I have been together for over 10 years, and I know being apart for 6 months will suck, but I'll at least have the advantage of being on an adventure, but she will be in our normal environment alone.

Any advice on how to make this easier for them, or better yet, I 'd love to hear from the person "left at home" to hear what they went through. Thanks!

MOWGLI
04-29-2006, 10:56
My spouse met me along the way in several places. She became a member of the trail community. Although she didn't hike with me, that's always an option. You could pick one of the easier sections like Shenandoah NP to slow down, hike together, and maybe rent a room or cabin and take a few days off to tour the area.

There is no easy answer, but allowing your partner to get to know how solid your trail friends are will really help them understand your experience.

Best of luck!

SGTdirtman
04-29-2006, 11:03
talk to a military spouse... same type of seperation problems

What seemed to help my sister while my brother in law was in iraq was she got envolved in alot of church activities and other clubs to occupy her time and be around people. thats my best advice, before leaving find things your spouse or family can get envolved in. Having a spouse or family make sure to carry a cell phone and call often as possible. Also keep good journals for them to read, but keep them happy. You may not wanna go to in depth if it gets rough if you get sick or hurt.

Trail Dog
04-29-2006, 11:36
well if you cant hike with her get a dog or some other pet. my wife got a puppy while i was training for Iraq and she said it helped her get through the loneliness. Plus cleaning up all the poop kept her very very busy. now i just have to go home and train the beast.

My advice... quit your job, rent your house, get a really long term babysitter and join her.

Doctari
04-29-2006, 12:48
IMHO: it will decidedly test your relationship. My first section hike was only 18 days, each time I called from the trail, wife was worse (Madder, sadder, lonlier, etc.). However, now I get: "ain't you gone yet" or "OH, you're back already".

Turns out, most of the madder, sadder etc was worry, now she knows I am as safe on the trail as at home. And, I have been shot at 4 times in the city (occupational hazzard), never on the trail. SO, once she is convinced you will be safe, things may get better. I have never been gone long enough, but the wife says that if I do, meeting me on the trail will help, we even have a few places planned if I thru.



BTW: NEVER say to your mom: "That reminds me of the last time I was shot at" She will FREAK OUT. At least mine did. Wife, surprisingly took it rather well.


Doctari.

Red Hat
05-01-2006, 12:25
Some spouses are very supportive: they send food, they meet you on the trail, they may even hike a bit with you. Other spouses are resentful: they are distant when you phone, they keep asking if you are tired of the trail yet, they may even stop taking care of themselves and eat nothing but junk food. Most are somewhere in the middle: they want to be supportive, but it's lonely at home, especially when the other half seems to be having the time of his life. Bearkat's trailjournal from 03 was my first real eye opener about the view of the spouse. In 05, I found out for myself. It's hard taking care of all the junk at home, worrying about your mate, and not being jealous of the hiker.

Blissful
05-01-2006, 19:40
My dh will hike the first two weeks and then two months in the summer. Other than that, he's bringing home the bacon and I'll be on my own. While he isn't that happy about it (and neither am I - I'll miss him a heap), we've been talking about things he can do while I'm away- like redoing the basement (he likes to build), digging a new garden patch, inviting a few guys to spend some time paling around, getting his training to be Scoutmaster for the Boy Scout troop, etc. We have a dog to keep him entertained too.

Rendezvous01
05-01-2006, 20:03
Like the rest of your relationship while you're together, the most important thing will be to communicate. This includes the hiker acknowledging what is going on back home, and the homebound honey fairly relating how things are going. Anticipate trouble spots ahead of time, and discuss them openly.

You don't mention any children at home, which would seriously complicate issues. During my attempted thru, my wife found that being a single parent grew old very quickly. Eventually, I decided that my family needed me more than I needed to finish the Trail. The AT will still be there; eventually my kids will grow up ('tho I might never...) and move away, and then I may have the opportunity once again to take a few months away from the homestead.

Aside from the parenting issues, discuss how the various home chores of the absent one will get done: tasks I usually do include paying the bills, mowing the lawn, and fixing things (or trying to, anyway). I prepaid many of my bills, set up automatic withdrawals, and made sure that there was sufficient money in the account so my wife couldn't overdraw it easily. I arranged with a neighbor kid to mow the lawn, and alerted my next door neighbor that he might be needed on occasion to help out (a good relationship and a case of his favorite brew helped that one a lot!).

For the one on the Trail, you may want to plan to come home for a long weekend, if the worker's schedule precludes a trail-side visit. Harper's Ferry to the Detroit area or vice-versa is an easy drive, and well worth the expense of a car rental.

Since the hiker is the one who is rocking the steady boat, he has the greater responsibility of going out of his way to make sure things go as smooth as possible back home while he is out fulfilling his dream.