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K0OPG
06-20-2006, 06:17
Is there a thread or group or anything to help spouses/significant others to try and understand this thruhiking thing? My wife is having a really hard time me wanting to leave for 6 months. I was military for 20yrs so the absence is not the worry.

Her biggest questions is "why"; and as we all know that is the hardest question to answer. She's worried about my safety, the weather, anything and everything. No matter how much I try and explain and answer her questions, she is still upset/worried.

Who else has had to deal with this and how did you handle it?

Skidsteer
06-20-2006, 06:28
http://www.whiteblaze.net/forum/showthread.php?t=11528&highlight=spouse

SGT Rock
06-20-2006, 06:45
Great question Coopdog, I figure we are in about the same boat since I am still waiting to retire and have to get my wife on board with it if it is to happen. Getting someone to agree ain't an easy thing and of all the things that kill a thru-hike, the one most likely to kill mine is a family issue. I can hack bad food, bad weather, boredom, exertion, low finances, and most injuries - but a family issue would pull me off easy.

How did I get her to agree? I just sort of yoggied my way into an agreement:

Since 1997 I just sort of talked about it and mentioned how many times I wished it could happen but probably wouldn't because of how much of a burden it would be to my family and all. Then one day my wife said something to the effect of "You better do it". So then I pulled out the secret squirrel plan of how I planned to make it happen without killing us financially. She has been on board with it since about 2003 I reckon.

That said, in the end being a thru-hiker is a fairly selfish act and it isn't the sort of thing that others in the family like wife and kids can just jump into unless they are of a like mind. I love to hike with my boys but would never drag one on a thru-hike unless it is their choice. And my wife has never been a hiker, just my own personal trail angel. I suppose what has helped is taking her to meet trail people like Ms Janet, Lone Wolf, Wee Willy, Baltimore Jack, and others. I have dragged her to trail places like Neels Gap, Damascus, Harpers Ferry, NOC, Fontanna, Shenandoah's, etc so the trail isn't this mythical unknown set of dangers. I have been taking my kids hiking so now she acclimated to the fact the trail is safe enough for a 6 year old to hike it (except for the dogs on the trail and the traffic on the way there and back). We live close enough (three hours drive) from about the first 1/4th of the trail, so she knows where she can find me if she needs to by this point.

Maybe what would help is to get your wife involved with something like WhiteBlaze and listen to other hikers talk about how safe it really is. Maybe get her to come to a Ruck like SORUCK before you actually start so she can see how laid back hikers really are (must not be dangerous if the laid back hippy hiker trash can do it). Maybe my wife (who posts here as Dixicritter) could even chime in on what makes her comfortable with it.

hammock engineer
06-20-2006, 10:49
What helped me with the new girl friend, I know different than wife of years and years but same concept, is to introduce her to trailjournals.com. I think once she read about other people's trips, she got a good idea of how save, fun, and how much I really want to thru hike.

While I am hiking I plan on calling her a couple times a week and sending letters. That and when asked I gave her "promission" to send me food at maildrops.

white rabbit
06-20-2006, 12:12
My wife hates it when I do a multy day hike alone. I hike with a cell phone and call her once a day to tell her where I am and that seems to help. The trouble is you can't always find cell phone service on trails so I can't always call her. The best thing I have done is take her with me on overnighters. She enjoys it and it gives her some understanding of what I do on the trail.

Michele
06-20-2006, 12:54
I'd bet that your wife, much like my partner at first, has a lot of apprehension due to not really understanding what hiking the AT is like. Instead, they envision Grizzly Adams (am I dating myself here?) and they think you'll have to dig in the dirt to eat grub worms to survive.

I'd recommend picking 1 or 2 of your favorite trail journals and having her read them, because once she realizes you're w/in a town's reach at least every 2 days (in most cases) and you'll be ordering pizza from a shelter's pay phone (at least in 1 place), the fear of you wandering around in the rugged wilderness with lions tigers and bears will probably dwindle into nothing more than a "please be careful honey and call me when you get into town"

I also found that my partner had concerns of me not ever wanting to come back, after experiencing this (which she later admitted was a total irrational thought..but at the time, it felt real to her). I don't know how long you've been married, but I don't care how long you've been together, when a spouse is confronted with a 6-month separation, it's scary for them, because you ARE the one going out and having the adventure while they are at home dealing with normal "life" w/out you. Here's a few of the journals I've really been enjoying reading. Each of them have had their fair share of minor injuries, flu, blisters, and life-altering experiences. Good luck!

Upload and Stitches 2006
Michelle Bolling 2006
Kurly 2006
Chardonnay and Cabernet 2006

dixicritter
06-20-2006, 13:14
How did I get her to agree? I just sort of yoggied my way into an agreement:

Since 1997 I just sort of talked about it and mentioned how many times I wished it could happen but probably wouldn't because of how much of a burden it would be to my family and all. Then one day my wife said something to the effect of "You better do it". So then I pulled out the secret squirrel plan of how I planned to make it happen without killing us financially. She has been on board with it since about 2003 I reckon.

Maybe my wife (who posts here as Dixicritter) could even chime in on what makes her comfortable with it.

Yes he is a slick one that SGT Rock! Even sent me a link to this thread folks. LOL.

I did tell him he better do a thru-hike because I don't want to hear about it forever! He's going to get it done. ;)

Seriously, for me this isn't much different than supporting him in all the Army endeavors I've supported him on over the last 18 years next month. Only difference is he's not getting paid to hike the AT, now if he could figure out how to make that happen then that would be a bonus! LOL

As for worrying about him on the trail, I just don't anymore. I worry more when he's doing trail maintenance than when he's just out there hiking (he knows why and can share if he wants to). I mean he hasn't given me reason to worry on his hiking trips, at least not that he's told me about. I know he's probably done some really dumb things for a smart man he just hasn't felt like sharing those with me.

Like I told him today when we were talking, I wasn't going to be the reason he didn't do his thru-hike. That's my story.

briarpatch
06-20-2006, 13:27
. . . I mean he hasn't given me reason to worry on his hiking trips, at least not that he's told me about. . . .

You mean that killer chihuahua story didn't make you worry? ;)

Just Jeff
06-20-2006, 13:27
I did tell him he better do a thru-hike because I don't want to hear about it forever! He's going to get it done. ;)

Hehe - and afterwards, I bet he'll even wait a few months before he starts: you know, there's this trail out west...I hear it goes all the way from Mexico to Canada...maybe just a weekend out there would be nice...

SGT Rock
06-20-2006, 14:23
You mean that killer chihuahua story didn't make you worry? ;)

I never told her that one. Didn't want her to be skeer'd for my safety out there.

I think the one time she is talking about is when I damn near bleed out on a trail maintenance trip because I lost control of a machete.:eek:

dixicritter
06-20-2006, 14:55
Y'all are just wrong...LOL. Funny, but wrong.

CoopDog... It was pointed out to me that I dodged your question on how to get your wife to understand your desire/need to thru-hike. I wish I had the magic answer. It's not easy to get someone over being scared of the unknown. You've been given some good advise in this thread already.

Maybe taking her out on some easy day hikes to show her that the trail isn't such a scarey place to be. Show her how pretty nature can be. Have a picnic near a nice waterfall or creek. Just make sure it's not a rushed day especially if she's not "in shape" or "athletic". A nice time to do this is on a day when the weather isn't too extreme as well, not too hot, not too cold that kind of thing.

Above all sit down with her and really explain to her exactly what it is you love about hiking. Your passion for it will shine through more than you can ever know and she will see it in you. Trust me on this point. However, this could also backfire as well. I know for me I wondered why SGT Rock felt so strongly for a trail, and wondered if he felt that strongly for me too.

SGT Rock
06-20-2006, 15:04
I know for me I wondered why SGT Rock felt so strongly for a trail, and wondered if he felt that strongly for me too.

Of course I do. ;)

dixicritter
06-20-2006, 15:05
Of course I do. ;)
Well duhh I know that now silly man :)

Amigi'sLastStand
06-20-2006, 18:00
Answers needed --
Is she outdoorsy, i.e. hike, camp, hunt, fish, etc.?
How long have you been planning the hike? I have talked about a long thruhike for years with my wife until it just became not a question of if, but when.
Have her voice specific concerns and deal with each one individually.
Have you taken her on a multiday hike to show her what its like?
This is no joke of mine, I have a friend who once camped in his back yard the whole time the rest of us were gone because his wife didnt want him to go. He went the next time, and was still married.
Is there some sort of separation anxiety at play? 20 years in the military and now your off again... How long have you been out? Do not discount this. I know you said it wasnt a problem, but are you sure? Women folk sure can be funny and ornery at times.
Do things to reassure her, go on a section hike, start running ( swimming? ) to build up your cardio and tell her its because you want to be prepared; take a first aid course.

No one has the answer but you and her. You need to identify the issues at hand and dont assume anything. Do things to appease her fears. Get her to talk to someone else about hiking, show her WB, trailjournals...

Hope it helps.

Kerosene
06-20-2006, 19:52
Well duhh I know that now silly man :)Ahh, true love!

K0OPG
06-23-2006, 17:40
Thanks to everyone. Lots of good advice.

No, she's not a real outdoorsy person. She has car-camped before, and that wasn't too bad for her. It was in Yellowstone and it stormed and blew all night. we woke dry and rested. I live next to Cooper's Rock state forest (no relation, lol) and maybe we can do some hiking and camping, even though the car will be near by, maybe that will help some.

I have been talking about doing a thruhike for about 4-5 years, planning just this past year. Been out of the military just 3 years. We were never separated that long. However, I had to move to take a new job after retirement and we were separated 8 months and she handled that well, however; I wasn't hiking, I was working and saw her about 3-4 times during the time period to go get stuff to move her up here.

Anyway, this is a mute point for right now. Am being sent out by my job for a year of traveling and working, so the trail will have to wait till 2008. That's another year to help alleviate her fears.

Thanks again everybody. Sgt Rock, you be safe over there. Whoaah!!!:)