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blackbishop351
07-13-2006, 00:52
I know a lot of you are married, even some of you who spend a week or more on the trail every month. How many of you have spouses who don't do the 'outdoors thing' ? If they don't, how do you deal with the issue at home?

This might be prying, but I'm running into the problem myself, and I'm only trying to take one two-night trip a month at this point.

Just Jeff
07-13-2006, 00:56
Easy. Get real grumpy for a week. Say you need to go hiking, then leave. Be in a really good mood when you get back. It only takes once or twice - then she'll realize when you need to go for a hike and make you go.

My wife doesn't really like the outdoors, but sometimes she tells me when I need to go hiking.

ed bell
07-13-2006, 01:02
Good advice Jeff. My wife loves hiking/backpacking but she can't always go along because of her job. She is VERY quick to pick up on the need to send my butt outdoors for a quick attitude adjustment.

Shiraz-mataz
07-13-2006, 06:19
Ah yes, the ol country mouse vs. city mouse... My wife is definitely an "indoor girl." As much as I'd like to take her on some outdoor adventures, even if it was just to tent camp next to a car full of ice-cold drinks and fast food, I know it will never be. After 17 years of marriage she knows that for me, being outdoors is my way of resetting the sanity meter. And though she would not tolerate my disappearing for six months on the trail, a weekend once in awhile is not a problem. Just be honest with your wife and try to convey how important hiking and the outdoors are to you. Heck, if and when that doesn't do it, tell her when there's a sale at the mall and suggest she go buy something nice for herself!

LIhikers
07-13-2006, 07:05
I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. My wife loves to backpack as much as I do so we go together. She's also gone by herself when I can't get off from work when she can.

sparky2000
07-13-2006, 07:11
Just put up (kindly) with her attitude and go hiking. When you return she'll be as sweet as apple pie.

gregdog
07-13-2006, 08:18
My wife is from the Chicago area and does not enjoy any outdoor activities, past sitting at a pool somewhere. I have an easy out because I always take my two boys with me hiking. Sometimes I just tell her, "hey, this would be a good time for you to go visit your parents". Works fine, she doesn't mind and it's one less trip to the inlaws I have to make........18 years of marraige, so far so good.
greg

MOWGLI
07-13-2006, 08:39
She does her thing. I do mine. I made it clear that I'm not going to stop doing what I love because she can't or doesn't want to join me. Similarly, I don't give her a hard time about the things that she wants to do.

It's a partnership. Not a dictatorship.

PS: We leave for NY & New England next week. We'll spend a few days in Cape Cod, visit some family, then mosey up to Lake Placid where my wife will drop me & our daughter off. We'll hike for 5 days (50 miles on Northville Placid Trail) and she'll do her thing. Whatever that is - visiting friends & family, etc. She'll pick us up where we come off the trail, and then its back in family mode for another 5-6 days on the trip. Works for everyone.

dixicritter
07-13-2006, 08:57
I'm one of those not so outdoorsy type spouses, thought I'd get that in before SGT Rock could... ;) He'd love it if I'd go with him and the boys hiking, but it's really not my thing. I don't mind day hiking, but the whole sleeping outside thing just isn't for me.

I am also one of those wives that knows when to send her husband to the trail to recharge. Especially when he's getting cranky. As a matter of fact he's going on an over-nighter with the boys while he's home on leave from Iraq, I insisted.

Basically what I'd suggest is to just explain to your spouse that it's not that you want to "ditch" them, but that you know that they would not enjoy themselves hiking like you do and you really would like to go. Maybe make some compromise with something they have been wanting to do. If kids are involved, offer to take care of the kids for a weekend so that your spouse can have a weekend to do whatever they want to do alone. This has worked for us. Now he just takes the boys with him and I get my alone time while they are out on the trail. :)

Frolicking Dinosaurs
07-13-2006, 09:52
I was married to a fellow that wasn't the outdoor type for 7 yrs. I satisfied my need for wilderness experience by taking my very young children on nature walks and picnics in the woods.

Lilred
07-13-2006, 10:00
I'm the hiker in the family while my husband stays home. He has known from day 1 that him telling me I "can't" do something just won't fly with me. I agree with Mowgli, we have a partnership, not a dictatorship. The idea of one spouse having to ask 'permission' to do something rubs me wrong to say the least. Anyhow, he's very supportive of my hiking and I go out for weeks at a time in the summer. He's a musician and leaves me at home nearly every weekend of the year, so there's no problem with my leaving him alone. Our kids are grown which helps too.
I agree with another poster, put up with her attitude and go anyhow. Maybe bring home a nice gift for her. (a gift, not flowers) If you don't go because she doesn't want you to, it will only lead to resentment.

lava
07-13-2006, 10:01
My spouse does great when I can get him to go. His issue isn't so much that he doesn't like the outdoors. His issue is that he can't pry himself away from work, his cell phone, etc :( .

I get him to go with me on our one big two-week vacation (about half of that is "real" camping,either backpacking or kayak camping, and half is staying with my dad in his RV near the beach) and one or two weekends a year.

Other than that if I want to go, I go on my own - usually with a local outdoor organization. I haven't actually gotten him to the point where he's comfortable with me truly going solo, but that's what I'm working on next. He worries about me :rolleyes: .

On the bright side, since we're both cheap - he certainly doesn't object to vacations that cost almost nothing!

Kerosene
07-13-2006, 10:08
I ask for a week a year towards finishing my life goal of completing the AT. Sometimes she grudgingly agrees to a second week, mostly due to the fact that she always notices how calm and relaxed I am upon my return. We did the 110 miles from Duncannon to Harpers Ferry just before we were married, but she doesn't remember her hikes as vividly as I do. I'd love to get her out again, but for now we content ourselves with short day hikes together.

Uncle Wayne
07-13-2006, 10:39
That my wife enjoys hiking / backpacking as much as I do. My heart goes out to you guys and gals who don't have that luxury. There is no doubt it has helped us become closer as husband and wife. It's a thrill to me when someone asks about a certain hike and she gives her input. I am blessed.
Hopefully in 2 or 3 years we'll be able to attempt a thru hike.

Just Jeff
07-13-2006, 10:56
My wife doesn't really like the outdoors, but sometimes she tells me when I need to go hiking.

My wife said I need to reword this. She likes the outdoors - she even suggested we dayhike the coast while the kids are gone this month - but she doesn't willingly do the sleeping outdoors thing. Kinda like dixiecritter, I guess.

She has told me to take a hike in the middle of a disagreement, though - and she was serious. Stopped the argument right there...smart woman.

headchange4u
07-13-2006, 11:01
My wife tries, God bless her. She can handle an overnight in a campground fairly well but anything past one day and she starts missing her shower and the comfort of a bed.

I bought her a pack a couple of months ago in hopes that see might want to start backpacking. Our first outing we walked about a mile on fairly level ground and I got nothing but constant complaints about walking, size and weight or pack, and being very hot and sweaty (she only had about 20 -25 lbs. in her pack while mine had an extra 10 lbs., close to 45-50 lbs., of weight because I carried most of her stuff.)


When she goes with me I also take a tent and sleep sleep in the tent with her. No hammock for me and I have become quite fond of my HH.

maxNcathy
07-13-2006, 11:13
I mentioned to Cathy that a month of losing me while I am absent hiking could be a great gain for her... My health would be greatly improved and my life span may well increase one year for every month away hiking.

I wonder how long I would live if I was away hiking 6 months per year!

Frolicking Dinosaurs
07-13-2006, 11:38
My best friend is a girly-girl. Her idea of really roughing it involves their 26 ft camper with heat / air, hot water, gas stove / fridge, TV, microwave shower and toilet. Her hubby loves to backpack and it used to be a great source of contention between them. I talked with them both about having time when they persued interest the other did not care to do. He now backpacks while she is at religious or scrapbooking conventions / workshops - a win-win situation for them.

dreamhiker
07-13-2006, 12:16
I have gotten my wife to go on long day hikes with me and also car camping but I don't think she will ever want to do and backpacking. she has alot of fears when I go she thinks Im going to get killed by wild animals or crazy hikers. Its going to be a hard sell if I want to do a thru-hike. But its my dream so in the end I think that she will come around and let me do it.
DreamHiker

gsingjane
07-13-2006, 12:21
My husband is very athletic (long-distance cyclist, runner, weightlifter) but doesn't care for the ups and downs and bumps and thumps of the trail at all. He has many old athletic injuries, including having torn his hamstring twice! and he's of an age (52) where he doesn't feel he can risk an injury that might sideline him for weeks or months.

I don't think I would be participating in backpacking if some of my kids weren't my hiking partners. That way, it is at least something of a family thing, as opposed to a "just me" thing. I don't know what will happen when they're all gone but I have 10 more years at least to find that out.

My husband is pretty decent about us going out, although I know he'd prefer that we not. "You can take the boy out of Brooklyn..." Not being from a nature-oriented background at all, I don't think he has a very accurate view of the "dangers" of the natural world, and he does worry all the time we're gone. OTOH, I also worry all the time that he's gone on a century, because of all the traffic and the chance he'll get hit by a car. I guess this is the price we pay for having a relationship!

Jane in CT

blackbishop351
07-13-2006, 13:23
Wow. You guys have been great with this. Thanks for sharing such personal relationship details. I really appreciate it.

My wife isn't exactly ANTI-outdoors. She likes to go driving in the mountains, she likes to take picnics, and she even occasionally likes to go hiking (not far, of course).

I did get her to try tent camping once. And only once. It was a little chilly, October I think, and she was miserable. And I respect that. Recently (that was years ago), she's said she might try it again, but only after I offered a nice State Park with hot showers and toilets, AND a big inflatable air mattress.

Her idea of enjoying the outdoors is really a week in a beach cottage.

We definitely have a partnership, not a dictatorship. But I always consider her feelings when making my decisions, naturally. She doesn't like me being gone at night. Even with three dogs, she gets uncomfortable at home by herself. I think she's also got the idea stuck in her head that I'm trying to escape HER for some reason, which is of course entirely untrue. We've talked this issue near to death, and she still can't see where I'm coming from.

So. I thought since all of you were so kind in elaborating so completely on your own experiences, I should share mine too. Thanks again to everybody. :D

Doctari
07-13-2006, 16:16
My wife LOVES the outdoors, but cannot sleep on the ground. Now that I have found hammocking, there may be hope, but she suddenly got OLD somehow in the past 30 years, (fortunatly, I havn't aged a day in the same time :p ) so she can no longer walk for the miles or the hills.

But if I feel the need to hit the trail, she is more than willing to send me off. & still LOVES car camping, as long as we bring a very THICK matress. A camp rest is no answer, we tried. A hammock may work, but she is afraid to try.

To (sort of) quote George Burns, who when asked how to stay happily married for so long said "Marry Gracie" I say to the same question: Marry Alice, which I did.


Doctari.

orangebug
07-13-2006, 17:23
Wife #1 felt that my hiking was an embarassment to the family. Her idea of "roughing it" was Best Western in Midtown Manhatten. She barely tolerated my gear, trips, journaling and such.

Wife #2 is going to Damascus with me in 2 weeks for our honeymoon. We plan to do the B&B thing, head up to Gracelyn Highlands and see the ponies, bike on the Va Creeper Trail and such. We have day hiked. She has talked me out of the Spears Hammock and into a Shires' Tarptent. She has requested a walky-talky as she knows we shouldn't plan on walking side by side the entire way.

:D

chicote
07-13-2006, 18:03
We are all in different relationships. You have to find what works best with you and your wife. Honesty is key. I'm lucky that even though my wife and I love to hike we still have our own separate interests. Since she is a school teacher she gets the long summers and I don't. A couple years ago she decided to take a couple of weeks and go with some friends to backpack around Mexico. I know if I wanted to do the same and she couldn't go it wouldn't be an issue. The important thing is that when you are together and not on your hike you treat each moment with all of your heart. Never leave for a trip on a bad note.

HTH's

sarbar
07-13-2006, 19:20
My husband is an outdoors guy..but, simply put he is the major breadwinner in our house. My work is much more flexible. He is on pager duty 1-2 weeks a month. I have more drive to backpack-and he is more tired by work. We do get out once a year or so and have a great trip together, as a family.
He has never stood in my way to get out-he encourages me to go when ever I can.
Best of all, he doesn't have an issue that I hike with other men. In my hiking group we are 50/50 men and women, and we go on lots of co-ed trips. Often I am the only female to 2-4 guys. Our group has get togethers couple times a year, and most of the non-hiking partners show up- a good way for them to see how safe it is for their husband/wive to go hiking with the others :)
And yes, I get out in summer sometimes 3 times a month backpacking. I stay home in winter and bug him..lol!

Mountain Man
07-13-2006, 22:15
My Wife likes to do day hikes every now and then when no rain is in the forecast.:) And has been on a couple of Short backpacking trips. But really could care less about backpacking. Without showers and a nice bed she's just not a happy camper. We've been married 27 years and are totally opposite as for as interest goes. Years ago I told her I just wasn't going to spend my life setting on the couch watching TV, and that I was going to continue to enjoy life. I told her that she had an open invatation to go with anytime she's wants. So we usaully go in different directions but every now and then she go with me and every now and I'll go with her to do her thing. I've been on lots of Backpacking trips with other women and next weekend 5 women will be going with me on a overnight trip. She don't have a problem with it and I don't have a problem if she wants to go to the beach or wherever. We get along good this way.

kyhiker1
07-13-2006, 22:23
My wife also is not the outdoors type but,doesnt mind me going a few times a year.She usually does an 2 day trip once or twice a year with me spring and fall.

TIDE-HSV
07-13-2006, 22:30
has generally been right there with me. We spent our honeymoon, twenty years ago, in the Wind River Range, 17 miles from the nearest human and, in August, we're going back...

bigben
07-13-2006, 22:52
My wife loves the outdoors, but can't really hike at all. She has bilateral hip dysplasia, which is where the ball and socket joints of the hips basically have "squarish" balls, as opposed to round ones. This causes the ball/head of the femur to grind into and against the socket causing pretty intense pain. Two hours of walking in the mall and she's hurting big time. She takes Celebrex and Naproxin just to cope, but the only fix is a hip replacement. She is only 31, so the MD's have been putting it off for as long as possible due to how long the replacements last, but there's a new one that just got approved which she's scheduled to have done in October. We're hoping for the best.

We got a pop-up camper and a big family tent and do camp as a family.

Bigben

Gypsy"04"
07-14-2006, 00:59
My wife and I have more or less reached an understanding that when I need to go, I go. She is not at all interested in being on a trail and away from motels. So when I'm tired of all the daily crap, I go hiking. And I agree, it puts my head in a lot better place when I get back. She likes air conditioning, I like free air. I have told her I am going to Georgia in 2007 and she said go. And we still get along fine with seperations. She used to be a military wife, so she's used to that. It's all a matter of reaching an agreement and trusting one another.

Just Jeff
07-14-2006, 12:09
It's all a matter of reaching an agreement and trusting one another.

Best thing that's been said on here yet, IMO.

attroll
07-14-2006, 13:19
It's all a matter of reaching an agreement and trusting one another.
Ain't that the truth. That is some of the downfall of my first wife. She thought I was out meeting other women when I was hiking. She never trusted me in the first place which has a lot to do with it and I never gave her a reason not to.

You have to have trust in each other and you still have to have other things that you like to do together as a couple.