icemanat95
07-19-2006, 00:21
I recently received this bit of wisdom from my sensei on maintaining personal identity, center and life-focus while following an unusual (for the modern world) path. Carl Long holds a 6th dan in Muso Jikiden Eishin Ryu Iaijutsu, 7th dan in Shorin ryu karate, 6th dan in ****o Ryu karate, 4th dan in Shindo Muso Ryu Jodo, 5th dan in Okinawan Kobudo, and a numbewr of other dan ranks in Aikido, Daito Ryu Aikijujutsu and other classical Japanese martial arts. He holds the rank of Renshi (or "master instructor") and is my teacher's teacher. He has studied budo (martial ways) for almost 40 years now.
The following is in response to some dialogue from a student about the various changes he has gone through recently with a career change, that at 54 years of age, has put him back at the ground floor of a new career field. While he is speaking specifically of a life in pursuit of martial art, I think this goes equally well for people who spend their lives in pursuit of the outdoor life or any other much-loved vocation.
Every morning for past 38 years I have looked in the mirror and reminded myself that I am a budoka. Over the years that one act has redefined who I see in the mirror. My understanding of that person has deepened but not changed. I now realize that when I think of myself as a budoka that there are a miriad of other identities that go along with that. I am a martial arts teacher, a husband, a father and a friend. Every day that has followed that ritual act of confirmation in the mirror has been different. There have never been two days that were identical. But who I am has always remained the same. I have taught school, been a police officer, played in bands, dug ditches, exterminated insects and run a large company among many other things. All of these activities/vocations, and thats how I see them, were a means for me to continue to pursue the mission that I have set out for myself. It has not been easy for me as a "much too proud" person to accept the sideways snickers and glances I have received over the years for some of the "menial" jobs I have had to maintain in order to support my family. But ultimately, I am still doing the one thing that has always defined me.
I am a budoka.
I have sometimes been able to make a meager living from it, I have most often had to supplement it with unpleasant jobs that others would not want to do. But it was and is what is necessary to be who I believe that I am. A job is a job. My identity is something completely different. All of those supplemental incomes have allowed me the freedom to pursue the one thing that is most important to me, what I believe is my mission and purpose here this time around. It has not come without pain and heartache (mostly my family's). Usually due to my self pity and having lost sight of the path and any progress that I may have made. Unfortunately, I have found that blazing a trail in our lives does not mean that the journey will be a direct straight forward path. To the contrary, it's been a sojourn of endless deadends, regrouping, exploration, countless times of two steps forward and five steps back. I cannot begin to express how lonely I have felt at times. Even the people who know me best have often appeared to me as total strangers in their lack of understanding of what I have been trying to accomplish. I now believe that it was foolish of me to expect them to do so. Most of us have an all too heavy burden in trying to know ourselves. How can we possibly know the true passions of another?
The following is in response to some dialogue from a student about the various changes he has gone through recently with a career change, that at 54 years of age, has put him back at the ground floor of a new career field. While he is speaking specifically of a life in pursuit of martial art, I think this goes equally well for people who spend their lives in pursuit of the outdoor life or any other much-loved vocation.
Every morning for past 38 years I have looked in the mirror and reminded myself that I am a budoka. Over the years that one act has redefined who I see in the mirror. My understanding of that person has deepened but not changed. I now realize that when I think of myself as a budoka that there are a miriad of other identities that go along with that. I am a martial arts teacher, a husband, a father and a friend. Every day that has followed that ritual act of confirmation in the mirror has been different. There have never been two days that were identical. But who I am has always remained the same. I have taught school, been a police officer, played in bands, dug ditches, exterminated insects and run a large company among many other things. All of these activities/vocations, and thats how I see them, were a means for me to continue to pursue the mission that I have set out for myself. It has not been easy for me as a "much too proud" person to accept the sideways snickers and glances I have received over the years for some of the "menial" jobs I have had to maintain in order to support my family. But ultimately, I am still doing the one thing that has always defined me.
I am a budoka.
I have sometimes been able to make a meager living from it, I have most often had to supplement it with unpleasant jobs that others would not want to do. But it was and is what is necessary to be who I believe that I am. A job is a job. My identity is something completely different. All of those supplemental incomes have allowed me the freedom to pursue the one thing that is most important to me, what I believe is my mission and purpose here this time around. It has not come without pain and heartache (mostly my family's). Usually due to my self pity and having lost sight of the path and any progress that I may have made. Unfortunately, I have found that blazing a trail in our lives does not mean that the journey will be a direct straight forward path. To the contrary, it's been a sojourn of endless deadends, regrouping, exploration, countless times of two steps forward and five steps back. I cannot begin to express how lonely I have felt at times. Even the people who know me best have often appeared to me as total strangers in their lack of understanding of what I have been trying to accomplish. I now believe that it was foolish of me to expect them to do so. Most of us have an all too heavy burden in trying to know ourselves. How can we possibly know the true passions of another?