View Full Version : Leaving kids to thru hike?
Mouse Poo
07-23-2006, 21:20
I'm wondering, since I've got three kids ages 6, 8 and 11, how other parents have faired with thru-hiking. I'd like to hear what other parents who have thru'ed have experienced. I haven't firmly set a date for my thru yet but am leaning towards 2010.
Lone Wolf
07-23-2006, 21:22
Thru-hiking is a selfish thing to do when you have young children at home. Stay home and raise them.
Mouse Poo
07-23-2006, 21:34
That's what I've been doing since we started our family. Haven't "worked" in over 8 years. I just took my first solo vacation, a whole 4 days, since the day I was married. My husband stayed home to give me a needed break. I posted to find out what others have actually experienced in order to learn from their success/failure.
Lone Wolf
07-23-2006, 21:39
Take the kids with you then. Kids need mommy. My mom died the day after my 8th birthday. Thru-hiking is a want not a need. It's just recreation. Raise your kids.
Mouse Poo
07-23-2006, 21:40
general-Taking them is, of course, an option. If they want to go. The older two have expressed interest. The oldest has gotten into BPing with his Boy Scout troop. The little one likes to hike too. We're going on what will be her first overnight on Labor Day!
I was worried that I wouldn't be a good mom, because I was such a work-a-holic. The instant my daughter was born, the rest of the world faded away, and my entire life centered around her. I didn't have what some people would say is a healthy balance. I didn't go anywhere without my kids, except work. I was happier around my kids, than anywhere else, so that's where I spent my time. However, that was me. Not everyone is the same way, and it doesn't make them or me wrong. I did what felt right for me, and I don't regret any of it.
Not everyone was meant to have kids, either. I worked with a woman who had a little boy. She left him at her mom's house for months at a time, and then feel lonely, and bring him home for a bit. When she got tired of him, and wanted to go party, he would go back to his grandma's house.
In my opinion, and this is just my opinion, a child is a long-term committment. When they turn 18, you boot them out of the nest, or send them off to college. Although they will always need you in some way, that is when you get to spend your time on yourself.
There's nothing wrong with your husband and you going off for a weekend, but a 6-month leave seems like an after-kids thing. I know how you feel; we've all been there. Sometimes, things get to be too much. If you decide to do the thru hike without your family, consider including them any way you can. They can help you plan, dehydrate food, handle mail drops, keep up with your online journal for you, and join you for some sections of the trail. I know you feel like you need to get away, but try to consider how your kids will see it. It depends on how you approach it. They will feel a lot better about helping mom to achieve a life-long dream, than if they feel that you just needed to get away from them. Does that make sense? Have them meet you for a couple of sections, and then at Katadin to celebrate the accomplishment together.
I also have children. I have 4 of them from ages 11 to 2. I decided to thru-hike next year. I am also facing the dilema of leaving my children for a time.
I will include my children as much as possible in the planning and will keep in constant contact with them. Yeah it is a long time to leave your children, but it is your choice and if it is a dream of yours as it has been mine for along time. Then as Nike says Just Do IT!
Lone Wolf
07-23-2006, 22:10
How selfish.
Frolicking Dinosaurs
07-23-2006, 22:17
You asked for experience. Mine is that I chose to wait until my children were grown. L.Wolf makes a good point: While both parents are important, mother's are very important to young children.
When I decided to hike, we took all 6 with us. Wife followed along with the motorhome, and I took some on the trail with me. Wouldn't have done it at all had that arrangement not been available. Couldn't imagine going that long without seeing the kids. In hindsight, I'd follow Wolf's advice and wait till the kids were older/grown before doing it. It was something that I wanted to do, and made them "want" to do. In other words, it was my deal, not theirs... I was selfish, period.
Ask yourself this before making a firm commitment to thru:
If your child runs out in the street and is killed by a passing motorist while you're on the trail, how will you live with yourself knowing that you were out pursuing a personal goal rather than making memories with them? Granted, they'd be dead, but you'd have the memories of actually being with them as opposed to playing mommy-by-phone.
It's just something for you to think about...
No shame in sectioning AND including the husband/kids...The memories made that way will last a lot longer, and you will all learn a new appreciation for one another.
Awol2003
07-23-2006, 23:03
A reminder; the thread started with "I'd like to hear what other parents who have thru'ed have experienced." Since having kids, my opinions about raising them have changed dramatically.
I thru'ed in 2003 (alone) when my kids were 5, 8 and 9. I went relatively fast (146 days), and burned through a bunch of phone cards. My family came to see me off, visited me in VA, and came to Maine at the end. My oldest went up Katahdin with me. It was a good age for the kids. When they are younger, they are more dependent; when they are older they need more tutoring.
Luckily my wife was (is) extremely independent and creative. Instead of sitting around missing Dad, they set out to have a special summer of their own, visiting relatives and trying out all kinds of new activities.
Once during my hike my kids expressed more commitment to me finishing than I had myself. In the end, my thru-hike was a boon to my kids. They know I am a "doer". There was no better way to teach to see the possiblities in their own lives.
Awol
I think it would be interesting to have the perspectives of a couple other groups on this too:
1) There are a lot of people here at WhiteBlaze who as children were introduced to hiking by their parents. It would be interesting to know what they experienced at the time if they happened to have a mother or father or both gone for a significant amount of time to go hiking, whether that involved an AT thru-hike or not. Did it seem cool? Did you feel neglected?
2) There are a lot of members here in the military either now or in the past. Sometimes military service involves being away from the kids for long periods of time. How did your kids handle this? Do you have any suggestions for making your absence as easy as possible for your kids?
I think perhaps the original poster, and others contemplating a thru-hike with kids at home, might find these perspectives useful.
I don't think there are any absolute, one-size-fits-all answers here.
It depends on the kids. It depends on the relationship between the kids and their parents.
While it may be "ideal" in some Ozzie and Harriet fantasyland to have a mother and father present at all times, it just doesn't happen at all times and many of their kids turn out just fine.
I'd say if the kids have special needs or are extremely dependent for any other reason you might consider delaying your hike until they are older. But if no special circumstances exist, you could safely start devising creative ways to do what you want to do, and include the rest of your family to the extent you can. That's not selfish, and you can all benefit from the journey if you do it right.
There are people who will try to make you feel guilty if you do the hike. Chances are, these same folks would try to make you feel guilty if you pursued a career and didn't stay home scrubbing floors and cooking meals 24/7. Hopefully we've evolved enough as a society to know what a crock that kind of propaganda is. Hopefully, parents today stay home to be full time homemakers because they want to, not because they are guilted into it.
If doing a single-shot thru-hike is not in the cards, for whatever reason, nothing wrong with doing a section hike that lasts several years. It's still the AT, and you still get to do all the miles.
I don't think there are any absolute, one-size-fits-all answers here.
It depends on the kids. It depends on the relationship between the kids and their parents.
While it may be "ideal" in some Ozzie and Harriet fantasyland to have a mother and father present at all times, it just doesn't happen at all times and many of their kids turn out just fine.
I'd say if the kids have special needs or are extremely dependent for any other reason you might consider delaying your hike until they are older. But if no special circumstances exist, you could safely start devising creative ways to do what you want to do, and include the rest of your family to the extent you can. That's not selfish, and you can all benefit from the journey if you do it right.
There are people who will try to make you feel guilty if you do the hike. Chances are, these same folks would try to make you feel guilty if you pursued a career and didn't stay home scrubbing floors and cooking meals 24/7. Hopefully we've evolved enough as a society to know what a crock that kind of propaganda is. Hopefully, parents today stay home to be full time homemakers because they want to, not because they are guilted into it.
If doing a single-shot thru-hike is not in the cards, for whatever reason, nothing wrong with doing a section hike that lasts several years. It's still the AT, and you still get to do all the miles.
Hey Skyline!
How in the world are you?? Seems like a month of Sundays since we've talked.. You going to the Gathering this year? If so, I'm looking forward to seeing you again..
Scott
Thats the best advise I have seen on this site!
Mouse I would say that you need to set back and evaluate your situation. Talk with your husband and kids and see what they think. And, as a family come to a decision on what to do.
I was deployed in 2001 (U.S Army) and it came as a shock to my children. As well as me and my wife and my entire National Guard Unit. But, even with the suprise we made it work. Talked with my kids as much as I could. My wife would constantly let them know where I was and what I was up to. In the end they were fine. No big mental issues and no counseling and that was for over a year of being gone.
So Hike your own Hike ( Live your own life). Take it with a grain of salt and in the end. Do what you and your family decides is best.
Hammerhead
07-24-2006, 06:07
I'm planning my thru hike for next year and I have a 6yr old son. I plan on having him and my wife spend weekends with me when my hike takes me closer to home. I initially wanted to go Sobo, but I'd be missing too many important events at home if I did that. I'll just try my best to explaian to him what I'm doing even though he's way to young to understand why. I also plan on keeping a personal journal just for him as I believe it will help me to keep on keeping on. Plus, I think it will mean a lot more to him to have something personal like that instead of when I used to travel for work and all I'd bring him home was some dumb toy from the airport or whatever.
gsingjane
07-24-2006, 06:52
Two books you might want to look at before you make a firm decision are Left For Dead by Beck Weathers, and On the Ridge by David Roberts. Both of these books are by people who voluntarily made the decision to leave their families, often for extended periods of time, to follow personal adventure/sport goals, and what they ultimately came to feel about themselves and their decisions as events unfolded and life progressed.
HTH,
Jane in CT
cannonball
07-24-2006, 08:00
Definiately stay home and raise your kids. 5-6 month abscence for kids that age is far to long. Don't dilute yourself that you can compensate with a pocket full of phone cards and a few "off trail" visits along the way.
As far as taking them along.......thats really whack. A kid that age, like a dog, does'nt decide to thru hike theyy just get taken along by those who are in control of them.
One person who has had a lot of hiking and other outdoor adventures with her children is Cindy Ross. She thru-hiked before children, and earns a living by writing. I suggest that you research some of her many articles about the hiking and other adventures she has done with her family.
Mouse Poo
07-24-2006, 08:24
the youngest my children would be for me to even consider a thru hike is 10,12,15. I listed their current ages above. Chances are I'll just keep sectioning till they're grown. I really wanted to hear the experiences of other parents anyway though. I appreciate all the posts from those who had personal experience with hiking and kids.
As far as forcing/convincing them to come along. I'd never do that. Even the one nighter we're all going on in the fall. If it's too far for the littlest we'll stop wherever we get to, pitch the tent, and still call it a success! It's all about enjoyment, even for them. I thought perhaps as teenagers the kids would get a kick out of me thru hiking if they too were involved.
Frolicking Dinosaurs
07-24-2006, 09:03
As Skyline wisely noted, this question does not have a one-size-fits-all answer. In my case, in addition to my birth children, I was mommy #4 to three stepchildren. Obviously, these kids had issues. Leaving them at any age would not have been wise. I got custody of the stepchildren after our divorce because both natural parents were deemed unfit by the court.
I hiked with my daughter for 3 weeks in the UK, when she was 10 yrs. old. We each had our own packs (which were way too heavy). We took the ferry from N. Ireland to Scotland, and got ripped of twice in the first day. We hiked through freezing rain to a campsite near Edinburgh. I stuffed her into the down bag, and piled everything on her. I covered up with a black trash bag, and prayed a lot. She slept like a rock. The next morning, she played on the swingset they had, and I packed up the gear.
It wasn't a planned trip, and we had borrowed gear (except for the Euro tent I bought). In the US, you can stay in student housing/dorm for the holiday, if you want. There, they rent out the flats/dorms to travellers, so the students get booted out. No one had told us this, and we weren't prepared. We had just gotten back from my mom's funeral, and we didn't have much money. When we got back, half our stuff was stolen.
Even though Edinburgh was lovely, we decided to head straight away to London. The next bus wasn't leaving until late that night, so we spent all day in the mall across from the bus station. We rode the bus to London. When we got there, we spent almost the entire day looking for a place to stay. All the B&Bs were full. (I'm so glad I didn't know about the Generator hostel then, if it was there.) We watched the changing of the guard (why do they have a goat; anybody know?), and then started hopping buses through S. England. Come to find out, just because a bus is scheduled to run, doesn't mean it's going to show up at that time, or even that day. We got stranded half-way, and a "kind" bus driver took us to her friend's B&B. They took advantage of our situation, and charged us double for the room (with no heat). It took half of what we had left. The next morning, we waited for the bus, but it never came, so we started to walk.
Because we were so unprepared, we had planned to stay in campsites and hostels (which were often cheaper), and just do excursions around the areas from each one. Our packs were way too heavy for straight hiking for hundreds of miles. Most of the hiking was going to be done from Wales, when half of our food (the heaviest part) would be gone. Imagine carrying canned stew for 2 on your thru, and see how far you'd get.
I hadn't slept in days, and was carrying most of the weight. We were half way to the next hostel, and I just dropped to the ground. My daughter was shocked. She didn't think anything could do me in. She had seen me go through seemingly impossible odds, and come out without missing a beat. No matter what was thrown at me, I always took care of everything. I was efficient and didn't have an ounce of give-up in me, and would do what needed to be done, because it needed to be done - and here I was, sitting on the side of the road, staring off into space. She convinced herself that I would get up soon, so she went to the fence, and watched the horses in the field.
A older gentleman pulled over in a little station wagon, and asked if we needed help. Up to this point, I wouldn't have even considered hitching. I knew I need to get my daughter to safety, and I knew I was broken. He said he would take us to the hostel. I accepted. We got to the hostel, and it was closed. He said that he would call his wife, and ask if he could let us spend the night, until the hostel opened again in the morning. So, he took us to a cafe, and called his wife. Come to find out, he was a historian and artist, and she was a geneologist.
We stayed there for 3 weeks. They took us all over England and Wales. We hiked through forests and fields, seeing old churces and buildings. We learned more English and Welsh history in those 3 weeks, than many an Engish do in their lifetime. We are still very close friends, and I go back to see them as often as I can.
He drove us up to Hollyhead, and we took the ferry over to Dublin. We couldn't catch the train right away, so we stashed our gear, and took a tour of the city. We took the train to the border, where the train was stopped. We could see men with guns through the window, and it looked like a war zone from CNN. The train started to move, though, and we were able to make it back to Belfast, and hoofed it back to school.
When we got back to the states, we decided to do an "easy walking trail" (the book said). We took along a friend of mine - big guy, in the Air Force Reserves (yes, he missed his cable TV). The road to the trail was closed, so that doubled our hiking mileage. The first 10 miles were flat (the road), the last 10 miles were straight up. I wouldn't have called it a trail, either; a rock field would be more like it. Our feet never landed flat once, and there was a sheer drop on our right side all the way up. We were loaded too heavy, because we thought it would be a short "easy walking" trip. We barely got to the campsite before dark, and my daughter and I immediately started getting the fire going and camp set up. We were both in enough pain to kill a water buffalo.
These are just two hiking examples of a little girl. It wasn't all fun, but we did it together. She never complained in any of them, and shouldered her share.....which is why she is an excellent United States Marine!!!! Semper Fi!
Sell them to Arabs and go hike.
cjfetters
07-24-2006, 09:39
Just include them. You made a good choice to have children. That doesn't mean that your personal life and personal growth must end now. You have supported your children. You have fed your children. Now feed yourself. So time alone may even make you want to stop your thru and get back to your children. Go. Enjoy.
Hey Skyline!
How in the world are you?? Seems like a month of Sundays since we've talked.. You going to the Gathering this year? If so, I'm looking forward to seeing you again..
Scott
Hi Scott,
I do plan to be there--most likely camping at the Folk Life Center again. Gonna try to get a week's hiking in somewhere--probably the Smokies--just prior. You bringing the whole fam damily or coming solo?
Skyline
Hi Scott,
I do plan to be there--most likely camping at the Folk Life Center again. Gonna try to get a week's hiking in somewhere--probably the Smokies--just prior. You bringing the whole fam damily or coming solo?
Skyline
Don't tell them, but I'm hoping to sneak out of the house un-noticed and come solo......... Yeah, right! In my dreams... Either way, I'll be there..
Scott
Your only 30 years old, you have plenty of time to do a thru. I say wait until the kids are older. Wait another 10 years. Some of us are much older and are still waiting.
Panzer
the youngest my children would be for me to even consider a thru hike is 10,12,15....
At those ages you'll be half-way done before they even realize you're gone.;)
Actually, I've got 2 sons here and I wouldn't have missed those weeks/months when they were young. I couldn't have been away that long. Now that they're about done with college, I'm thinking again about taking a nice, long walk.
Tom
Blissful
07-24-2006, 17:58
You asked for experience. Mine is that I chose to wait until my children were grown. L.Wolf makes a good point: While both parents are important, mother's are very important to young children.
When my son was born, I said he would thru hike with me when he turned 17. I didn't even think either he would be my only one - but he is. I taught him at home for thriteen years while still dreaming of doing the AT. He is now going to start community college courses and he is thru hiking with me next year -(he will turn 17 on the trail).
Sometimes you have to wait good and long for your dream. But I agree - kids are much more important. And while you wait, take section hikes with them, take them camping, and maybe they will follow you on your dream! (mine started camping at one month old and backpacking with us at six months old)
Mr. Clean
07-24-2006, 17:59
you're only 30 yrs old, you've got plenty of time, but do what you feel is right deep down inside. You know the answer.
I find that I can't/don't get out nearly as much as I used to now that I have two boys, 2 1/2 and 8 months old, at home. When I get a rare chance to do an overnight, I change plans at the last minute and do a dayhike instead so I can spend more time with them. The two yr old wants to go with me all the time and is doing short hikes in the Whites with me....hope he still wants to in ten years. I may try some sections at that time with him/them, if they care to.
Blissful
07-24-2006, 18:03
The two yr old wants to go with me all the time and is doing short hikes in the Whites with me....hope he still wants to in ten years. I may try some sections at that time with him/them, if they care to.
We carried our boy when he was three up Mt Kearsarge in the Whites.
Last year as a 14 year old he summited Mt Washington with us with a full backpack and did very well.
It's amazing to see them grow into hiking if it becomes a part of their lifestyle! So keep on hiking and take them along!
ivanputski
07-24-2006, 20:13
I attempted a thru hike this year. My children were 14 anf 15 yrs old. My wife and they were very supportive and did everything they could to make it successful. I made it 500 miles and realized that the trail would always be there but their concerts, school work and athletic events would not. I regret missing the events that I did while I was gone. You can never get those back. I would wait until they were off to college. Just what my expierence taught me. Everyone's different.
Your only 30 years old, you have plenty of time to do a thru. I say wait until the kids are older. Wait another 10 years. Some of us are much older and are still waiting.
I hate to tell you the clock is ticking. You're not assured of living another day. Sure it wont matter when your dead if you hiked or not, but it's a great feeling while you're alive.
If anyone has the dream and means to hike (which is easy with a ittle planning for most) do it while you can enjoy it.
Frolicking Dinosaurs
07-24-2006, 20:33
{{{ Sly }}}
I know, but it's the truth! Thanks for your PM.
Lone Wolf
07-24-2006, 20:34
Your children come first. You chose to have them. Be with them. The AT is for fun.
Your children come first. You chose to have them. Be with them. The AT is for fun.
Sounds kind of sexist. They'll still be one parent home.
Lone Wolf
07-24-2006, 20:45
Sexist my ass. Hubby's duties multiply just so mommy can act out a dream? BS. Shouldn't of had kids or a hubby.
Sexist my ass. Hubby's duties multiply just so mommy can act out a dream? BS. Shouldn't of had kids or a hubby.
Ok, that's over the line. She isn't thinking of leaving them. Hubby has a choice, and I'm sure he can hold his own. It isn't like there is any diaper-changing going on. If he's not used to spending time with his kids, this would be good for him. He can see what it takes to deal with the daily stuff of raising kids, which most dads never get the chance to, especially with an efficient mom around.
We all have dreams; there's nothing wrong with it. What about all those parents in the military? They knew what they signed up for. Last time I checked, we still have an all-volunteer military (getting in, anyway). They could have chosen a different job, but that's what they wanted. It isn't always what you do, but how you do it. This could be a great bonding experience, if done together (I don't mean everyone on the the entire thru).
Lone Wolf
07-24-2006, 21:02
She can wait till the youngest is over 18. What's the rush? Family first.
gsingjane
07-24-2006, 21:07
Mouse, if you are only asking to hear from people who thru-hiked and left kids behind, then I guess you're only seeking input from people who chose to do what you plan to do. If you are dead set on this decision, then I guess it only does make sense to hear from people who will affirm you, and not hear any countervailing opinions or thoughts. I can certainly say that there are many of us out there who have faced the same decision (there was an extremely impassioned thread on this same subject about six months ago on another AT board) and my perception is that most people do not leave home for a six-month stretch for purely recreational reasons when there are younger children (i.e., not kids in their late teens) still living at home. You didn't mention what your wife thinks about this plan, but obviously her opinion, and then your kids' opinions (unpressured) need to come before those of us on this board.
Much as I am shocked and amazed to find myself in agreement with L. Wolf, I have to agree that leaving younger kids at home to go on a thru-hike is, well, a pretty selfish thing to do. After trying very hard to come up with a rationalization for going, I finally faced the reality that, if I can't take at least 1-2 of my kids with me on a thru (and that's a HUGE IF), then I need to wait until my youngest daughter is at least in her late high school years. My kids are currently ages 16 down through 7, so as you can see I have a while to wait. But, I simply cannot justify leaving for such an extended period of time while my children are still living at home. If I had to leave for a service deployment, or a required job assignment, that would be different - I would know it, but more importantly, my kids would know it, too. They would know that I didn't choose to walk off, literally, and leave them behind for half a year.
Think of it in a different context. Suppose your lifelong dream was to travel around Europe for six months. Or to spend six months being a follower of Phish (or whatever the Grateful Dead equivalent is this days.) Or to work on a tramp steamer that sails in the Caribbean. Or to spend six months surfing off the coast of California. All those things sound pretty fun, right? But to be honest, how right does it seem to say, I'm just going to walk out the door, leaving kids, family and life behind, to pursue something just because it's my lifelong dream... when all those things will still be there in 20 years? If you heard of somebody just walking out on his family to spend six months biking in the south of France, wouldn't it seem to you that it was just a teensy bit self-centered?
I completely understand that the odds are you won't be in the same physical shape eight or ten years down the line (although with regular exercise and attention to diet, you can come pretty darn close). Being a homebody can do a real number on your physique (try being pregnant some time for a real closeup on that one.) And of course it's always true that intervening illness or injury can mess up plans of all kinds. For my part, though, if something catastrophic did happen, I don't think my first, or even hundredth, regret would be that I didn't go on a thru-hike.
As I say, you may already have decided to go, regardless of anyone else's opinions, and if you do, good luck to you and especially to your family. But having wrestled with this one myself for such a long time, I did also want to share some thoughts with you. I strongly urge you to read at least one of the two books I recommended. Both authors state this same point, but at greater length and considerably more eloquently than I can.
Jane in CT
gsingjane
07-24-2006, 21:14
Mouse, I am sorry I didn't realize that you are the mom, not the dad. I guess my comments are pretty much the same, except for the part about being pregnant (I guess you do know about that!). You can see I wasn't being sexist, though! I don't think it's a great idea for the mom OR the dad to leave the kiddles behind!
Jane
tiamalle
07-24-2006, 21:23
Your children come first. You chose to have them. Be with them. The AT is for fun.Maricela went hiking and left me at home
one time and I cried for mommy and me grown!don't leave'em,take'em with you they like to hike.Course they don't cry when I go off hiking.
Alligator
07-24-2006, 21:32
Leaving to go thruhiking and being deployed in the military are far from the same thing. In the military, you are doing a job and serving your country. On a thruhike, you are only serving yourself.
Well the way I look at it... there were a few times I attended summer camp or hockey school and really didn't miss my parents all that much because I was having fun too. It's not like a thru-hike takes forever, although there are times it seems like it.
Of course, I wouldn't suggest Mouse hike if the family didn't think they could handle it. Kids are adaptable, they don't have to be constantly pampered, they shouldn't be constantly pampered. If the Mom thru-hikes, it could be a good experience for all.
Leaving to go thruhiking and being deployed in the military are far from the same thing. In the military, you are doing a job and serving your country. On a thruhike, you are only serving yourself.
We haven't had a draft since the early '70s. Those who are "deployed" in the military volunteered to get in, knowing full well they could be "deployed." Of course these days once the military gets their hooks into you it ceases to be all-volunteerism, because they won't let you go home when they promised they would in some cases.
With that disclaimer, serving in the military and hiking the AT are volunteer endeavors. I wonder if you and Wolf would have the same advice if she was considering joining the Army instead of doing (a much shorter stint on) the AT. Would all that concern for "family" be less than, more than, or the same as for a long hike on the AT. Is one endeavor "selfish," while the other is "worthwhile?"
Well, it's not like the family lives far from the trail. The kids and dad have plenty of oppurtunity to see mom frequently during the hike and participate. It could be a part of raising your kids, exposing them to the trail and hiking, and having dad to take em home when they've had enough. What a summer, if they can have the oppurtunity to experience a taste of mom's thru-hike! So long as they don't end up staying home all summer while dads at work and moms on the trail and end up neglected, it should be really cool for them. Mabye go towards some bonding with dad they might get something out of.
Alligator
07-24-2006, 22:14
We haven't had a draft since the early '70s. Those who are "deployed" in the military volunteered to get in, knowing full well they could be "deployed." Of course these days once the military gets their hooks into you it ceases to be all-volunteerism, because they won't let you go home when they promised they would in some cases.
With that disclaimer, serving in the military and hiking the AT are volunteer endeavors. I wonder if you and Wolf would have the same advice if she was considering joining the Army instead of doing (a much shorter stint on) the AT. Would all that concern for "family" be less than, more than, or the same as for a long hike on the AT. Is one endeavor "selfish," while the other is "worthwhile?"I would be very concerned about someone with a family joining the military. It's a huge sacrifice in terms of time away. I'd be more concerned because the time is longer and the possibilty of dying is increased. I would say, maybe there's some other way you could serve your country and be with your family. Be a teacher, a police officer, or a firewoman.
Absolutely though, a thruhike is selfish, and serving your country is somewhere further towards selfless.
Skidsteer
07-24-2006, 22:24
:D
I'm wondering, since I've got three kids ages 6, 8 and 11, how other parents have faired with thru-hiking. I'd like to hear what other parents who have thru'ed have experienced. I haven't firmly set a date for my thru yet but am leaning towards 2010.
Mouse, you asked specifically for advice from other parents who've done what you're planning to do and you've received mostly opinion from well-meaning folks who have not. So what the hell, I'll give you mine as well. :D
This is wise counsel:
When I decided to hike, we took all 6 with us. Wife followed along with the motorhome, and I took some on the trail with me. Wouldn't have done it at all had that arrangement not been available. Couldn't imagine going that long without seeing the kids. In hindsight, I'd follow Wolf's advice and wait till the kids were older/grown before doing it. It was something that I wanted to do, and made them "want" to do. In other words, it was my deal, not theirs... I was selfish, period.
No shame in sectioning AND including the husband/kids...The memories made that way will last a lot longer, and you will all learn a new appreciation for one another.
If you decide to go anyway, it seems to me that One Leg would be a valuable source of information for you. :sun
Here are my thoughts as a mom...
I was a single mom for the first 5 years of my son's life. My choices were very limited....especially for hiking. I would get one whopping tiny overnighter a year by myself..or I had t train my son Ford to go with me. From a couple months after he was born, he was hiking with me. In a front pack, a Kelty carrier, a jogger stroller, and by 3 he was walking with me. At 4 1/2 he did his first 10 miler day hike. He had seen more true alpine bliss at 5 than most adults will ever see-in a lifetime. He went everywhere with me. He became my buddy. He has at 8, backpacked nearly 40 times. He has learned how to backpack X/C in fragile alpine meadows, he has snowshoed behind bobcats, he has blundered into black bears in huckleberry fields. I have dropped him in creek crossings. He has hiked 18 miles in a 24 hour period.
At 8 he jumps over creeks like a cat, he does scrambles like a freaking mt. goat. He outhikes me now. He ditches me to hike with my faster friends.
His stepdad offers me a kitchen pass to go without him on overnighters. And I miss him. Horribly. When I fall asleep in my tent, he is supposed to be there, snoring next to me. When I did the Wonderland 2 summers ago, I went without him. I felt he couldn't make it. All I thought of was how much he would have loved being there.
In 2 weeks he is doing about 100 miles on the PCT with me, in 6 days of hiking. I'd rather have him with me, than to not have him. I know the days will be long, and hard. We have two very scary creek crossings we have to do. I am well known for that I stand on the trail yelling orders at him.
What am I rambling about? That you can do it. You don't give up all of your dreams just because you have kids. Dad's disapear for months and years all the time, mom's can do it also. But....you will miss them horribly. It will probably ruin your hike-the quiet gets to you when you have kids. Your kids are at prime age to be "trained". Take them with you!! Can you imagine the thrill of your kids seeing what you see? Heck, the hike can count as school. It would be an experience that would be a life memory. Sure, it is harder, but it can be done.
Anyhoo, don't let the poo-pooers get you down! Everyone has their own concept of life, and if you can live with your decisions, it is your life! :)
:D
Mouse, you asked specifically for advice from other parents who've done what you're planning to do and you've received mostly opinion from well-meaning folks who have not. So what the hell, I'll give you mine as well. :D
This is wise counsel:
If you decide to go anyway, it seems to me that One Leg would be a valuable source of information for you. :sun
Thanks for the vote of confidence...
To speak to the original poster of this thread, I'd like to speak from my heart...
In '04, while we were all on the road living out of the RV, it was hard. Just ask anyone who ran into us.. Sgt. Rock, Baltimore Jack, experienced our lives firsthand, and both knew it wasn't easy. But we did it together, as a family.
I can't speak for you or make your decision for you, but as Skids pointed out, you did ask for advice from other parents, so I'm offering mine...
Your kids are the singlemost important asset that you have. Cars, homes, jewelry, etc. are all replaceable; kids aren't.
Not to mention the milestones that you'd be missing out on. Elijah, now age 3, but was our youngest in '04, learned to walk during one of my resupply stops. I was able to see his first few steps. Nothing can replace that joy, not even hiking the Presedentials could top that.
Now, I understand that your children are 6, 8, & 11, so you're past the first steps phase, but there are other milestones that exist. Just think long & hard about them before you make a final decision. And, whatever decision you make, I'll be happy to lend any advice that I may have pertaining to the hike, or the postponement of such.
Your kids are my future. Please invest wisely for all our sakes.
Your friend & fellow hiker,
Scott Rogers, AKA "One-Leg"
Leaving to go thruhiking and being deployed in the military are far from the same thing. In the military, you are doing a job and serving your country. On a thruhike, you are only serving yourself.
Hahahaha! :D What a load of horse pooey! We are so brainwashed to excuse the military for everything in this country. Don't get me wrong; I'll stand toe-to-toe, and Semper Fi with the best of 'em, but I don't need someone to tell me I need to wear rose-colored glasses in order to be loyal to my country. The reality is that we ALL serve our country. Many service members will never be in danger from combat their entire career. Next time you flick on the light switch, think of the dangers coal miners and oil workers face every single day. Have you ever visited a town with a paper plant? You wouldn't even want to drive through it, let alone live or work there. Entire towns have cancer, because of the factories that fund them. We are killing these people! These people face death every day, so we can have the freedom to print a letter, watch TV, or drive to work. Do they get free admission to Bush Gardens and Sea World? Is there a Hero Wall of them at your local Walmart? Um, no. Most of them won't have the luxury of being blown up or shot, and dying instantly. They will die very, very slowly, as well as their kids.
Being a good parent is just as important in serving your country. Only you know your kids better than anyone else, and what they need (or what could harm them).
I would have more advice as a single parent, than a married one. The bond is very different as a single parent. I don't know if our advice would help you any, Mouse Poo, but we all mean well.
Mouse Poo
07-25-2006, 09:29
:) I think after consideration and reading how difficult it was for other parents, even those with teenagers, I'd really rather wait. I can't figure out how to quote but especially poignant was the comment from another mom about the silent times. I just knew after reading it that there was no way I'd be able to be gone that long, even with the visits I was imagining.
One Leg- Thank you for your valuable insight. I'm glad I was able to learn from your experience.
Sly-while I totally live each day as if it were the last when it comes down to it I'd 100% rather spend that day with my family.
All in all I'll just bottle up this one dream (to keep it fresh!) and continue to do what I've done for 8 yrs (oldest is adopted) LOVE MY KIDS!!:sun
Doesn't mean you can't take a month here or there for hiking. And weekends with the kids in the woods would be great. I only wish my folks had been into hiking...I'd have been turned on to it that much sooner...
Skidsteer
07-25-2006, 18:17
:)
All in all I'll just bottle up this one dream (to keep it fresh!) and continue to do what I've done for 8 yrs (oldest is adopted) LOVE MY KIDS!!:sun
You'll be in good company. :) Many parents(myself included) have the same dream as you.
In the meantime...
Doesn't mean you can't take a month here or there for hiking. And weekends with the kids in the woods would be great. I only wish my folks had been into hiking...I'd have been turned on to it that much sooner...
I couldn't agree more, Bfitz.
:sun <!-- / message -->
TomArmstrong
07-25-2006, 18:29
The kids are more important. However, what an awesome goal to get them involved and join you. I am having a similar dilema. My kids are 18, 14 and 10. I have been hiking with the 14 year old and have a dream of hiking the trail with him. But, I won't be able to schedule it until he is at least 18, probably a few years later.
Sly-while I totally live each day as if it were the last when it comes down to it I'd 100% rather spend that day with my family.
No problem, I'm sure you would have figured that out sooner or later. I'm just here to encourage everyone to hike! Mom's included...:)
RockyTrail
07-25-2006, 23:21
I used to think once kids get past diapers and can feed themselves, everything would get easier for the parents, then they could kick back and take it easy, right??
Then I had kids of my own...and found out that on the contrary, at least in my experience, they need even more and more attention as they get older (but in vastly different ways) until they fly the nest at 18 or so. The teenage years are SO important.
Just one observation, yours may vary.
Alligator
07-26-2006, 00:43
I can't conceive of how you managed to deduce this
Hahahaha! :D What a load of horse pooey! We are so brainwashed to excuse the military for everything in this country. Don't get me wrong; I'll stand toe-to-toe, and Semper Fi with the best of 'em, but I don't need someone to tell me I need to wear rose-colored glasses in order to be loyal to my country. The reality is that we ALL serve our country. Many service members will never be in danger from combat their entire career. Next time you flick on the light switch, think of the dangers coal miners and oil workers face every single day. Have you ever visited a town with a paper plant? You wouldn't even want to drive through it, let alone live or work there. Entire towns have cancer, because of the factories that fund them. We are killing these people! These people face death every day, so we can have the freedom to print a letter, watch TV, or drive to work. Do they get free admission to Bush Gardens and Sea World? Is there a Hero Wall of them at your local Walmart? Um, no. Most of them won't have the luxury of being blown up or shot, and dying instantly. They will die very, very slowly, as well as their kids.
from my simple comparison of two actions
Leaving to go thruhiking and being deployed in the military are far from the same thing. In the military, you are doing a job and serving your country. On a thruhike, you are only serving yourself.
Now that's a load of horse pooey. Never a mention of rose colored glasses or loyalty for that matter. Don't presume to lecture me on environmental issues either. I have lived in a paper town, a coal mining state, and an oil state too. I am very familiar with the issues facing both workers and residents of those areas. Where on earth does this follow from? Please demonstrate a source for this spin.
No, not all professions serve our country equally. Teacher vs. pop singer for instance.
I disagree with this statement.
....Only you know your kids better than anyone else, and what they need (or what could harm them). That only works for a good parent. There are plenty of clueless and just bad parents out there too.
Too funny. All of sudden, I'm pushed to being a military recruiter and an insensitive energy whore. I gotta save that last sentence for my friends, Admin please don't pull this post again.
See, the real crux of this discussion is not what the parents think. It's how the kids feel about it. I'm not talking how they immediately feel either. They're not going to really be able to judge the impact of a parent leaving them for an extended period of time until the kid becomes an adult. Then the child has an adult perspective to make the judgement call. Now I can tell you from experience it can be particularly damaging to teenagers to have one parent absent for an extended period of time. I can relate this to two time periods in my family history: one period months, one period years. I'm not going to delve into it though:cool: .
Alligator, I'm sorry you are so sensitive. No one was attacking you, spinning, or lecturing you. In fact, it isn't about you at all. We were trying to give points of view, in order to help a mom decide to or not to thru. My point to you was that you can't say one is more important than another. You stated, "No, not all professions serve our country equally. Teacher vs. pop singer for instance." They aren't??? To Whom? A pop singer can have much more influence over a teenager's life, than a teacher. Because of this, the pop singer has more responsibility, than the teacher does, but that doesn't make the teacher less important. We are all a piece in the puzzle. Our society squashes that, and stamps it into the ground. You were putting a military career over a mom, simply because it was a job, and it served the country. Well, you can bet your sweet bippy that being a mom is a job, and it most definitely serves this country. If you run your soldier into the ground, never give him rest, and treat him like he has no value unless he keeps at it, you will have an ineffective soldier. Likewise, with a mom, or a teacher, or anyone else.
Alligator
07-26-2006, 09:49
Alligator, I'm sorry you are so sensitive. No one was attacking you, spinning, or lecturing you. In fact, it isn't about you at all....
Nothing sensitive about it at all. You quoted me, then proceeded with a string of unrelated arguments using "you". Your entire first paragraph is directed at the military part of my quote. Break your writing up next time then and try to be a bit more conscientious of the "you"s.
Teacher vs. pop singer for instance." They aren't??? To Whom? A pop singer can have much more influence over a teenager's life, than a teacher. Because of this, the pop singer has more responsibility, than the teacher does, but that doesn't make the teacher less important. We are all a piece in the puzzle. Our society squashes that, and stamps it into the ground.On average, teachers serve their communities much more than any pop singers. Or how about the ad people for MacDonalds? Or the tobacco industry in general? The CEO of Phillip Morris perhaps? The legal porn industry maybe? Do you need further convincing:banana ?
...
You were putting a military career over a mom, simply because it was a job, and it served the country. Well, you can bet your sweet bippy that being a mom is a job, and it most definitely serves this country. If you run your soldier into the ground, never give him rest, and treat him like he has no value unless he keeps at it, you will have an ineffective soldier. Likewise, with a mom, or a teacher, or anyone else....
I absolutely was not saying this. See post #50. You can bet your sweet bippy on that sister. I said a military deployment and a thruhike were not equal. Also, I never said we were trying to run Mom into the ground. There are plenty of other options available to get Mom on a vacation.
Incredible amount of spin here.
Alligator, I do use "you" a lot, meaning people in general, which can get confusing. I'll work on that.
I never said that everyone or profession is "equal", whatever that means. I said they were all "important". If you want to throw "equal" in there, I guess it would be accurate to say "equally important". Yep, unfortunately, legal porn seems to be important to the structure of our society in the US. I don't understand it, but for some odd reason, it is. Maybe, it helps some people function in their daily lives. I dunno. It isn't a need that I have, so I don't understand it. However, I do realize that it is a need for other people, and they don't give a flying leap if I understand it or not.
I have a need to look out the window, and see the wildlife, when I'm working at my desk. I put out about $20 in seed per month. Many people think I'm nuts for doing that. These people spend ten times that per month going out to dinner and bars, and buying beer and cigarettes. We have completely different views on our need and definition of "entertainment", but neither are wrong. Does that make sense?
I personally spent every moment I could with my kids, and gave up my own life to do it. That was what made me happy. That was my need. That is not everyone's need. Some moms and dads need other things, and it doesn't make it wrong, or me right. I did damage to my daughter, by making her so sheltered, and doing everything for her. She turned out ok, although I can still mess with her by saying things like, "Did you make sure the mechanic checked your blinker fluid? That is very important, you know!" Hahaha!
None of us get it 100% right, if we even knew what that was to begin with.
dixicritter
07-26-2006, 10:36
I feel it's up to the family to decide what is best for them. SGT Rock plans to thru hike with our full support in 2008 (I think it is now) and our youngest will be 10, and the other two basically adults lol. Our kids have grown up in the military life, it's all they've ever known so this is normal for us. The boys also love hiking with Dad, so when they can and where they won't slow him down too much, I'm sure they'll join him some along the way.
Do I feel it selfish of him to want this before the youngest is 18? No. Will Creek Hopper understand? You betcha he will! He knows his Dad loves him and will be there for him when he needs him no matter what.
Do I mind him being gone another 6 months? At least it's not a war zone and I know it's something he wants to be doing. If he doesn't do it because of me then I'll feel like the selfish one.
Alligator
07-26-2006, 11:13
Alligator, I do use "you" a lot, meaning people in general, which can get confusing. I'll work on that.OK.
I never said that everyone or profession is "equal", whatever that means. I said they were all "important". If you want to throw "equal" in there, I guess it would be accurate to say "equally important". Yep, unfortunately, legal porn seems to be important to the structure of our society in the US. I don't understand it, but for some odd reason, it is. Maybe, it helps some people function in their daily lives. I dunno. It isn't a need that I have, so I don't understand it. However, I do realize that it is a need for other people, and they don't give a flying leap if I understand it or not.
They all serve their communities, basically by paying taxes, but they do not serve equally. A porn actor and a teacher do not serve their communities equally. Feel free to think otherwise, but you would be the one out on the limb here.
I have a need to look out the window, and see the wildlife, when I'm working at my desk. I put out about $20 in seed per month. Many people think I'm nuts for doing that. These people spend ten times that per month going out to dinner and bars, and buying beer and cigarettes. We have completely different views on our need and definition of "entertainment", but neither are wrong. Does that make sense?
It makes sense completely, from an entertainment standpoint. Ultimately, however, cigarettes kill people, so I will have to place the tobacco industry a wee bit low on the serving the community scale.
I personally spent every moment I could with my kids, and gave up my own life to do it. That was what made me happy. That was my need. That is not everyone's need. Some moms and dads need other things, and it doesn't make it wrong, or me right. I did damage to my daughter, by making her so sheltered, and doing everything for her. She turned out ok, although I can still mess with her by saying things like, "Did you make sure the mechanic checked your blinker fluid? That is very important, you know!"
...I regard thruhiking as a want, not a need. If a person is so addicted to LDH that they can't wait to leave for 4-6 months at a time periodically, I would seriously suggest not having kids. They are a choice after all.
Alligator
07-26-2006, 11:32
I knew Rock's plans would come up here, it was a natural. I have no comments to add, as he is in a war zone.
I feel it's up to the family to decide what is best for them. SGT Rock plans to thru hike with our full support in 2008 (I think it is now) and our youngest will be 10, and the other two basically adults lol. Our kids have grown up in the military life, it's all they've ever known so this is normal for us. The boys also love hiking with Dad, so when they can and where they won't slow him down too much, I'm sure they'll join him some along the way.
Do I feel it selfish of him to want this before the youngest is 18? No. Will Creek Hopper understand? You betcha he will! He knows his Dad loves him and will be there for him when he needs him no matter what.
Do I mind him being gone another 6 months? At least it's not a war zone and I know it's something he wants to be doing. If he doesn't do it because of me then I'll feel like the selfish one.
That was absolutely the best post so far in this thread.
Someone mentioned (sorry, I can't remember who) that a child will not understand the significance of a parent's extended absence until they are an adult. My parents divorced when I was 10 and moved about 500 miles away from each other. I lived with my dad and visted my mom once or twice a month. I am now 19, which doesn't really qualify me as an adult, but I do think it's given me some distance.
In my opinion, the quality of a child's relationship with his/her parent depends on the effort put into communication. Distance is not an insurmountable problem. Given that a thru-hike is about 6 months, I don't think it is necessarily detrimental to a child. It's a relatively short-term absence (in comparison to 8 years), mitigated by visits, phone calls, and letters.
I was and remain very close to both of my parents. Truth be told, the physical distance between my mother and I was much harder on her than on me. If at the age of 10, my mother had told me that she was going to take 6 months to pursue a life-long dream, I would have understood. After all, I understood the divorce, and never resented my parents for it.
I am not a parent. My advice is worth what you paid for it.
Alligator
07-26-2006, 15:52
Thanks for adding to the discussion Bunny. It really stands out that you had monthly visits with your Mom. I would have said the same thing at 19. Mine were different circumstances (3000 miles, gone for 3-4 years, no monthly visits). I still love my Dad too, but I don't forget the separation (selfish reasons). The consequences for me were minor, while those for my older brothers were fairly severe. Sorry to be comparing longer separations to a thru, but I think the pool of people I mentioned is going to be way slim.
There's a lot of bias in this forum. I'm not sure there would be the same response to someone heading out to tour with a band, trek through Europe, or something similar, lifelong dream or no (as Jane mentioned) . The prospective thru can't wait? You did know that the raising kids thing is tough, incredibly important, and takes about 18 years? They're your kids, it's what you signed up for, their needs come before your wants. For many, regardless of the time issues, you are placing an economic burden on your family as well--loss of income, cost to thru.
Now, people have spoken of either bringing the kids along completely or having them come along periodically. That's a bit different than the title of the thread "Leaving kids to thru hike?" If you can manage to physically see the kids monthly, that's pretty close to parental visitation in a divorced family. It's a much stronger argument. I wouldn't do it though, I'd still be missing a lot. I did see a grandpa sectioning 400 miles with his 10-12 year old grandson. Was doing it every summer, I think they were on their third leg. That was way cool.
My aunt, a retired teacher, was telling me how tough the fifth grade was. In Utah, her district had a separate school for fifth graders. They felt it was that critical a year for education. I don't know, I see teenagers as being tougher, YMMV.
What is it a 20% success rate? Wonder if that goes down for people with minor children? Here's for all you weak folk out there. Practice up;) .
"Mom, Kaetlyn and Megan were spreading rumors about me again. Please come home. Dad doesn't understand."
"Dad, I won a medal in track. Can you believe that, a state medal! Wish you had been there."
"Mom, I got arrested for shoplifting. No, no, don't come home."
"It was only a little pot!"
That was absolutely the best post so far in this thread.
No doubt!!!!
I think after consideration and reading how difficult it was for other parents, even those with teenagers, I'd really rather wait.
You've made the right decision, Mom!
parents aren't obligated to give up their own dreams or sacrifice everything to their children or stick to their kids like cheap suits their whole damn childhood. one problem with "today's youth" is that they are spoiled and feel entitled to every little consideration. it might do them good to learn early on that the world doesn't revolve around them.
Amigi'sLastStand
07-27-2006, 13:25
I feel it's up to the family to decide what is best for them. SGT Rock plans to thru hike with our full support in 2008 (I think it is now) and our youngest will be 10, and the other two basically adults lol. Our kids have grown up in the military life, it's all they've ever known so this is normal for us. The boys also love hiking with Dad, so when they can and where they won't slow him down too much, I'm sure they'll join him some along the way.
Do I feel it selfish of him to want this before the youngest is 18? No. Will Creek Hopper understand? You betcha he will! He knows his Dad loves him and will be there for him when he needs him no matter what.
Do I mind him being gone another 6 months? At least it's not a war zone and I know it's something he wants to be doing. If he doesn't do it because of me then I'll feel like the selfish one.
Wow, SgtRock, you are a lucky man. I suppose I am too, as these are the feelings of my wife also.
But, there is a difference for a couple that's been together for a long time. There is also a difference in Rock's and my case as our families were much more accustomed to us being away for extended periods. My wife is incredibly strong since she bore the brunt of responsibilities of my tasking.
I am not sure if a thru can work for just anybody though.
Just my .02c here, but dont anyone compare a thru hike to a deployment. If you even try to, or even say it, you are showing a gigantic amout of naivete and idiocy. I've never been shot at or shot someone on a hike before....
Alligator
07-27-2006, 13:27
parents aren't obligated to give up their own dreams or sacrifice everything to their children or stick to their kids like cheap suits their whole damn childhood. one problem with "today's youth" is that they are spoiled and feel entitled to every little consideration. it might do them good to learn early on that the world doesn't revolve around them.Interesting POV Mingo. The forum's open, tell us what works for you.
Interesting POV Mingo. The forum's open, tell us what works for you.
why do i get the feeling that you're just giving me some more rope?
i just never felt like i had to devote my entire waking life to my children. for instance, i don't spend every weekend driving them from one event to another like a lot of parents. i won't do it. i don't think that makes me a bad parent. a kid can do without a parent for six months for a thru-hike. it isn't going to kill 'em
Alligator
07-27-2006, 13:58
why do i get the feeling that you're just giving me some more rope?:clap
Who me:D ?
i just never felt like i had to devote my entire waking life to my children. for instance, i don't spend every weekend driving them from one event to another like a lot of parents. i won't do it. i don't think that makes me a bad parent. a kid can do without a parent for six months for a thru-hike. it isn't going to kill 'em
OK. I don't think it does either. It won't kill 'em., but I do see it as a long time to be physically unavailable to important events in a kid's life, both positive and negative. Thanks for the honest answer.
**let's go of rope**
corentin
07-27-2006, 14:42
one problem with "today's youth" is that they are spoiled and feel entitled to every little consideration.
Says the Baby Boomer :rolleyes:
Says the Baby Boomer :rolleyes:
you telling me that you don't think there are an awful lot of brats running around these days? i'm talking about little kids. it's the baby boomers who are the over-indulgent parents of these brats. they'll tolerate any kind of crap out of their kids. for such behavior, baby boomers themselves would have gotten the hell beaten out of them
corentin
07-27-2006, 15:09
Not that I don't agree with the brat statement, but as you said, the problem starts with the parents, not the kids. As far as I know, they aren't putting out a new model of baby. And I know an awful lot of very nice, impressive kids.
Skidsteer
07-27-2006, 18:03
one problem with "today's youth" is that they are spoiled and feel entitled to every little consideration.
Today's kids are 'spoiled' with just about everything, agreed.
Everything but time with their parents.
baby boomers themselves would have gotten the hell beaten out of them
That's because now you'll get your kids taken away from you, if you even look at them funny in front of the wrong person - and they know it.
I'm wondering, since I've got three kids ages 6, 8 and 11, how other parents have faired with thru-hiking. I'd like to hear what other parents who have thru'ed have experienced. I haven't firmly set a date for my thru yet but am leaning towards 2010.I think it depends on how long you will be gone. My mother was a stay at home mom, and every 5 years or so she went back to Scotland for a couple of weeks to visit her sister over there and give her accent a boost. We missed her, but I don't remember complaining about it or making a fuss. The first time I was 5 and we had a lady stay with us and I slept with her as the youngest and my dad slept in my bed. I remember his feet hanging off the end. My mother brought back some neat stuff. I never once thought it as selfish. She did so much for us. She did everything.
I you were a working mom I would say, yeah, take them for sure. If you are a stay at home mom I think the only real question you should ask is how you will be able to handle being away. I would suggest that if you are doing a long thru-hike that you do some of the legs alone, and some of them with the kids. Perhaps one leg with just the two oldest kids, and one leg with just the youngest, or whatever. If it is just a single 2 or even 3 week thru-hike, and you are excited about it, and you are a stay at home mom, then I say go for it. The kids will likely be just as excited as you are even if they stay home. They might get a kick out of dad's cooking. We did.
Get out and stretch those legs.
SGT Rock
07-29-2006, 07:55
Howdy,
I didn't even read any of this thread until today. Alligator asked me a question in a PM and then my wife brought it up so I figured I may want to check this one out.
My read on this: There is no one simple answer to any of this. There is not a one size fits all answer that sums it up.
I agree that a thru-hike is a selfish thing to want to do. It is something I have been trying to come to grips with in my own life and my own desire to want to go on a thru-hike. I have a wife, three children, one grandchild, two car payments, a house payment, two dogs, a section of trail to maintain, and other commitments in my life which will all have to be taken care of somehow when I finally do go on my hike in 2008. The financial stuff will mostly be taken care of because of prior planning. I didn't just decide to thru-hike in the last two years. I started planning this in 1997. And this also applies to my other situations as well. My family knows about my hiking addiction and I have tried to include them in the hiking world over the last decade. I have not just sprung this on them in the last month or year.
As to the family situation: well the daughter is married and out of the house and the grandson is still someone to visit on the occasion, he will be 3 when I start the hike and may even by living near the trail ion DC so maybe we can visit at Harpers Ferry and take a family zero. My oldest son is 16 and he will be 18 when I start my hike (that has been a part of the plan for a while too) plus he is the sort of teenager you have to encourage to out and cut up some, so I haven't got any worries about him other than if he will keep his grades up for that scholarship he has been talking about. My youngest son it 8 and will be 10 when I start. I worry about how he may take it - he is the one most likely to want to thru-hike himself of all my kids IMO and may harbor some resentment he is not out on the trail with me sometimes, so he may love to just see me on the trail as I hike through the southern sections. My wife, she is making me go so she will not feel like she ever held me back. I love how she thinks :D
That said, this is my family and I know them. They are accustomed to having me gone. Someone like One Leg has a totally different family dynamic and has to make a different sort of arrangement. I have planned to include my family in my hike as much as possible and have the luxury of living within a 2-3 hour drive for about 25% of the AT so we can make that happen. It will be easier for them to see me on my thru-hike than it has been to talk to them for 3 of my deployments. I am trying to plan in some zero days along this first section so we can hang out together and maybe do some fun things on or around the trail.
I have also said this before: I can hack pain, bad weather, poor food, stress, lots of exercise, will have decent finances, have plenty of trail experience, own all the gear I need, and and thrive on making poor situations into something fun. The only thing that I can foresee ever getting me off the trail (other than a catastrophic accident) would be a family situation. I would quit my hike in a second if I thought I was needed back home. I ain't about to screw up the good thing I have going for a purely selfish desire to hike. It is like I would counsel some of my soldiers when it came to such things: this will all be over in a few weeks, but you have a family that should be there years and years afterwords. How you conduct yourself with them will make the difference in how they feel about this time for years to come and may also affect the fact if they are still there when you get done.
So to sum up my thoughts.
1. Thru-hiking is selfish, so try not to act selfish when planning it.
2. Every family is different and every family member is different, take in to consideration when you plan your hike how it will affect them all.
3. Plan ahead. Not just in finances but in how you approach everyone around you. How they perceive your hike and what you are doing and how you feel about them may affect how they cope with your decision to hike and how well you do on your hike.
4. Come to grips with what is important in your life and adjust your thinking to accept you may not get to finish your hike if the other needs you.
All that said. If my wife someday decided to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail and wanted me to stay home and watch the kids, I would be doing the exact same things I already mentioned and trying to help her complete her dream. I say that because I understand it. If she wanted to drop everything and go to a monastery in Tibet next week I would not be so quick :D
Mingo: you telling me that you don't think there are an awful lot of brats running around these days?
Sounds like an opportunity for a completely different thread, perhaps on a completely different board;)
It think the Mom has decided what she should do, and has made a wise decision at that.:)
Sgt. Rock: If my wife someday decided to thru-hike the Appalachian Trail and wanted me to stay home and watch the kids, I would be doing the exact same things I already mentioned and trying to help her complete her dream. I say that because I understand it.
Poignant.:)
You two have each others back in a positive way, beautiful!
hopefulhiker
08-25-2006, 18:19
I waited until my oldest was in college and youngest was going to be a senior in high school.. I kept in touch with pocket mail.. They did great without me! It sort of makes you think... Oldest is on scholarship at college and youngest graduated high school with honors, now at school in Asheville.
Rendezvous01
08-25-2006, 20:34
As a parent who hiked half the Trail and then came home, I feel I have a couple things to add to this thread. (I missed it last month when it was new--too busy being involved in my kids' lives!)
My daughter was almost 13. my son had just turned 9 when I hiked. They were very understanding of my need to hike the Trail--it had been a dream of mine for nearly 30 years. The timing was right financially, the kids were old enough to be sufficiently independent so that my wife felt she could single-parent them. I involved all three in my pre-hike preparations and made a concerted effort to communicate with all three while I was out on the Trail. My son (and my father) were able to hike with me for three days in Shenandoah--the highlight of my trip. (My wife and daughter had no interest in hiking with me. They did offer to meet me at a nice hotel or B & B along the way, but only if I got there first and showered before they arrived!)
I left the Trail half way through because I felt that it was more important to be at home with my wife and kids than it was for me to finish my hike. There was no crisis, no critical event which made up my mind, just a parental feeling of where I needed to be.
My advice for any parent who dreams of thru-hiking is this (and much of this applies for those leaving just a spouse at home): involve them in your hike. If you have the opportunity to hike with them, for a day or a week, make it happen. Be flexible with your hiking plans, so that if you must return home temporarily, it doesn't throw your entire trip out the window. Communicate with the kids and the spouse every chance you get. Be willing to quit the hike if necessary, or if your spouse deems it necessary. Remember that the Trail will still be there. It is better to have attempted to fulfill your dream and not entirely succeeded than regretting for a lifetime what you never tried.
My son and I have been able to section all of Shenandoah together since 2001. We hope to be able to finish the rest of the Trail north from Boiling Springs together before he starts college, but due to his talents and other interests that is starting to look iffy. However, the Trail will still be there.
Ron
I started section hiking last summer when my youngest turned 16. I'm only gone for about 5 weeks and even though he is quite independent and very trustworthy, I still feel guilty leaving him behind. He understands tho, that mom isn't getting any younger. I've asked him to come with me, but hiking with 'mom' isn't exactly what he's into right now.
If he was in the age group of your children, I never would have even considered it.
Brrrb Oregon
08-28-2006, 16:51
Is there any chance you've talked to your kids about this?
You have a shared life. If you do this, it will not be something you do alone. It will be something your family does, just as surely as if you were going back to college, taking a new job, or moving to a different town. They might be thrilled that you are willing to try something like that, and thrilled to be your support team. They might feel they can only spare you for a month....which wouldn't be a small thing. As many posters have implied, a month without Mom is a big gift, coming from a twelve-year-old.
Start the conversation now. Start training them to do the things they'll need to do while you're gone. Take them hiking with you, so they'll have some idea of why you want to do it and whether they want to come along or will want to join you on certain sections after school is out.
If they suppport you, and especially if you make your plans in such a way that they can "quit" your oddessey if it is not working for the whole family, I say go for it.
That way, when you finish, they won't resent you. They'll be proud of you....and themselves.