View Full Version : Chuck Norris Thread
Wanderingson
10-07-2006, 10:00
Did I just see a Chuck Norris refference on this thread? Chuck Norris doesn't threaten litigation, he delivers a swift roundhouse kick to the head and people submit.
Did I just see a Chuck Norris refference on this thread? Chuck Norris doesn't threaten litigation, he delivers a swift roundhouse kick to the head and people submit.
Kuwait? Dude! What time zone are you in? This thread is two years old! :D
:welcome anyway!
Wanderingson
10-07-2006, 10:19
Dude,
Check out the join date while your checking out location. I'll help you out, it is above the location.
Anyway, figured I would make an attempt to contribute to WB while I'm making a few bucks to finance my quest. No mountains out here--that sucks.
My wife has familyup the mountain from Coker Creek, TN not far from ya.
Dude,
Check out the join date while your checking out location. I'll help you out, it is above the location.
:welcome That's why I said welcome! :welcome
SGT Rock
10-07-2006, 10:25
This is the thing to do in Kuwait and Iraq - Chuck Norris mythology. Here are some:
Chuck Norris tears cure cancer. But the problem is Chuck don't cry. Ever.
When kids dress up to play superhero, they want to be Superman. When Superman dresses up to play a superhero, he wants to be Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
I don't know why this came up on this thread through LOL.
Just Jeff
10-07-2006, 11:03
Chuck Norris once sued Burger King b/c they wouldn't make his burger "Your way right away." He wanted concertina wire on his Whopper and they didn't have any.
And his urine almost burned down the bathroom. (Heartbreak Ridge...)
He sued a TV network b/c they stole the trademarked names of his legs for a show. Law and Order.
SGT Rock
10-07-2006, 11:33
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death
Just Jeff
10-07-2006, 11:44
Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the hardest substance in the world. Then they met Chuck Norris.
DawnTreader
10-07-2006, 12:21
Thanks fellas... I really needed a laugh today..
DMA, 2000
10-07-2006, 12:48
The square root of Chuck Norris is pain. Do not try to square Chuck Norris, the result is death
So Pain^4 = Death?
Just Jeff
10-07-2006, 12:52
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
SGT Rock
10-07-2006, 14:24
Chuck Norris uses a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down
twosticks
10-07-2006, 14:33
I heard that God created cancer so Chuck didn't have to kill so many people.
SGT Rock
10-07-2006, 14:36
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain
SGT Rock
10-07-2006, 14:51
Dude,
Check out the join date while your checking out location. I'll help you out, it is above the location.
Anyway, figured I would make an attempt to contribute to WB while I'm making a few bucks to finance my quest. No mountains out here--that sucks.
My wife has familyup the mountain from Coker Creek, TN not far from ya.
Moved this to it's own thread.
I just flew through Ali Asaleem (sp?) in August coming back from mid tour. What are you doing for a living down there?
John Klein
10-07-2006, 22:19
I don't bear bag my food when I hike, I let Chuck Norris hold it for me.
Karate Wrangler Sex is an anagram of Walker, Texas Ranger.
Chuck Norris wasn't born, he roundhouse kicked his way out of the womb
1stCavSoldier
10-07-2006, 22:31
When Chuck Norris takes a shower, he doesn't get wet... the water gets Chuck Norris!
History will tell you we dropped 2 nukes on Japan in all reality it was 2 cleverly disguised roundhouse kicks from Chuck Norris!
Bruce Lee
1stCavSoldier
10-07-2006, 22:32
Bruce Lee didn't di Chuck Norris punched him and split him into Jet Lee and Jackie Chan
SGT Rock
10-07-2006, 23:55
Chuck Norris has one name on his list of people to kill: Everyone.
SGT Rock
10-07-2006, 23:58
I don't bear bag my food when I hike, I let Chuck Norris hold it for me.
I love it. You probably also don't need a stove or fire. You just let Chuck Norris' rage heat your food and keep you warm.
As for Chuck, he has no stove because revenge is a dish best served cold.
freefall
10-08-2006, 00:16
Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper inside.
When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.
Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.
The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.
chuckle - i really like this one (ok - my 16 y.o. is feeding me these):
Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.
aaronthebugbuffet
10-08-2006, 00:31
Chuck Norris has one name on his list of people to kill: Everyone.
The Theory of Evolution has no foundation in truth. There are just some creatures that Chuck Norris hasn't got around to killing yet.
SGT Rock
10-08-2006, 00:40
Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris".
Because as you know...
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean
Just Jeff
10-08-2006, 01:02
Some kids wear Superman underwear. Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee in his teeth and boils his water with his own rage.
Chuck Norris and Mr T were hiking the AT together, but the ATC had to ask them to stop. All the shelters were disintegrating b/c that's just too much awesome for one building to handle. So Chuck called Katahdin and the mountain came to him...he got his patch.
Chuck doesn't hang his hammock. He just roundhouse kicks the trees and they hold it up for him.
Chuck Norris was hiking the AT when a mountain was blocking the trail, so he roundhouse kicked it. Hence, Mahousac Notch.
Oh - and you'll have to forgive the Heartbreak Ridge post a while back - I was brainfarting.
1stCavSoldier
10-08-2006, 02:45
Chuck Norris died 3 years ago... The grimm reaper just hasn't worked up the courage to tell him.
Chuck Norris doesn't have any mirrors in his house...the only thing Chuck Norris is afraid of is Chuck Norris
freefall
10-08-2006, 05:11
Chuck Norris is not only a noun, but a verb.
Chuck Norris can win Connect Four in only THREE moves.
sum41punk91
10-08-2006, 10:41
chuck norris is so fast he can run around the world and kick himself in the back of the head
JoeHiker
10-09-2006, 15:58
I've seen these lists with both Chuck Norris and Jack Bauer. Here are all the Jack Bauer one's I've seen (minus some of those I've already seen on this thread):If Jack Bauer is late, time better slow the f--k down.Jack Bauer doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.Jack Bauer doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."Jack Bauer doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.Jack Bauer does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Jack Bauer goes killing.Jack Bauer frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.If you can see Jack Bauer, he can see you. If you can't see Jack Bauer you may be only seconds away from death.Jack Bauer was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.Jack Bauer can slam revolving doors.Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Jack Bauer so he can scare the **** out of them.Jack Bauer owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a banklink card.At birth, Jack Bauer came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Jack Bauer but Jack Bauer.Jack Bauer is allowed to talk about Fight Club.When Jack Bauer sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Jack Bauer has not had to pay taxes ever.If you see Jack Bauer crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.Jack Bauer does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.Jack Bauer is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Neither does Jack Bauer. He doesn't have to.Jack Bauer puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".Jack Bauer doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Jack Bauer.Jack Bauer has only one hand: the upper hand.Jack Bauer can speak braille.The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Jack Bauer.Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Jack Bauer can kill 100 percent of whatever the **** he wants.Jack Bauer has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Jack Bauer doesn't believe in magic.Jack Bauer is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Jack Bauer claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis. Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Jack Bauer is on yet.The quickest way to a man's heart is with Jack Bauers fist.Jack Bauers sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Jack Bauer.When Jack Bauer exercises, the machine gets stronger.Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex, because they are doing the same thing.A blind man once stepped on Jack Bauer shoe. He replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Jack Bauer!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Jack Bauer.A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Jack Bauer and that you will be handicapped if you park there.Jack Bauer never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the f--k off.Jack Bauer doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.Jack Bauer clogs the toilet even when he pisses.The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Jack Bauer" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".Jack Bauers cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.Jack Bauer got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.Jack Bauer doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Jack Bauer.Jack Bauers dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Jack Bauer will not take **** from anyone.Someone once tried to tell Jack Bauer that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.When Jack Bauer answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.If you try to introduce your mother to Jack Bauer, she'll introduce you to your biological father.When Jack Bauer gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.When Jack Bauer laughs too hard while drinking milk, he accidentally ****s a cow.Jack Bauer wears custom made boots with his name imprinted on the bottom. The reason being is so if anyone ever asks him for his autograph, they will get it permanently across the side of their face.Jack Bauer frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.Jack Bauer was actually James Cameron's first choice for the Terminator, but backed out after saying the character would ruin his "toughguy" image.Jack Bauer does not leave messages. Jack Bauer leaves warnings.
JoeHiker
10-09-2006, 16:05
Sorry, that formatting was really messed up. I'm going to try one more time
If Jack Bauer is late, time better slow the f--k down.
Jack Bauer doesn't have hair on his testicles, because hair does not grow on steel.
Jack Bauer doesn't use pickup lines, he simply says, "Now."
Jack Bauer doesn't understand why you should consult your doctor if your erection lasts for more than 4 hours. His erections have been known to last for up to 15 days.
Jack Bauer does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Jack Bauer goes killing.
Jack Bauer frequently donates blood to the Red Cross. Just never his own.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
If you can see Jack Bauer, he can see you. If you can't see Jack Bauer you may be only seconds away from death.
Jack Bauer was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Jack Bauer can slam revolving doors.
Whenever someone is constipated, doctors send them to Jack Bauer so he can scare the **** out of them.
Jack Bauer owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a banklink card.
At birth, Jack Bauer came out feet first so he could roundhouse kick the doctor in the face. Nobody delivers Jack Bauer but Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer is allowed to talk about Fight Club.
When Jack Bauer sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Jack Bauer has not had to pay taxes ever.
If you see Jack Bauer crying he will grant you a wish, if your wish is dying.
Jack Bauer does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
Jack Bauer is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
They say that lightning never strikes the same place twice. Neither does Jack Bauer. He doesn't have to.
Jack Bauer puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Jack Bauer doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
If at first you don't succeed, you are obviously not Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer has only one hand: the upper hand.
Jack Bauer can speak braille.
The reason newborn babies cry is because they know they have just entered a world with Jack Bauer.
Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Jack Bauer can kill 100 percent of whatever the f--k he wants.
Jack Bauer has to sort his laundry into three loads: darks, whites, and bloodstains.
We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Jack Bauer doesn't believe in magic.
Jack Bauer is currently in a legal battle with the makers of Bubble Tape. Jack Bauer claims "6 Feet of Fun" is actually the trademark for his penis.
Switzerland isn't really neutral. They just haven't figured out what side Jack Bauer is on yet.
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Jack Bauers fist.
Jack Bauers sperm can penetrate 13 condoms, the birth control pill, a brick wall, and the 1975 Pittsburgh Steelers offensive line in order to impregnate a woman.
The only thing we have to fear is fear itself... The only thing fear has to fear is Jack Bauer.
When Jack Bauer exercises, the machine gets stronger.
Most men are okay with their wives fantasizing about Jack Bauer during sex, because they are doing the same thing.
A blind man once stepped on Jack Bauer shoe. He replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Jack Bauer!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Jack Bauer.
A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Jack Bauer and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
Jack Bauer never gets brain freeze. Slurpees know when to back the f--k off.
Jack Bauer doesn't have a bank account. He just tells the bank how much he needs.
Jack Bauer clogs the toilet even when he pisses.
The most effective form of suicide known to man is to type "Jack Bauer" into Google and hit "I'm Feeling Lucky!".
Jack Bauers cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Jack Bauer got in touch with his feminine side, and promptly got her pregnant.
Jack Bauer doesn't give Christmas presents. If you live to see Christmas, that is your Christmas present from Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauers dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Jack Bauer will not take **** from anyone.
Someone once tried to tell Jack Bauer that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.
When Jack Bauer answers the phone, he just says "Go". This is not permission for you to begin speaking, it is your cue to start running for your life.
If you try to introduce your mother to Jack Bauer, she'll introduce you to your biological father.
When Jack Bauer gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Jack Bauer wears custom made boots with his name imprinted on the bottom. The reason being is so if anyone ever asks him for his autograph, they will get it permanently across the side of their face.
Jack Bauer frequently signs up for beginner karate classes, just so he can "accidentally" beat the **** out of little kids.
Jack Bauer was actually James Cameron's first choice for the Terminator, but backed out after saying the character would ruin his "toughguy" image.
Jack Bauer does not leave messages. Jack Bauer leaves warnings.
1stCavSoldier
10-09-2006, 16:08
wow :eek:
freefall
10-09-2006, 16:27
:rolleyes: So much for the fun.
Grey fox (and others) were leaving these with drawings in random shelter registers this year. It was great to get to the shelter and have chuckisms to look forward to. ( That and the HHT= Hasslehoff Hiking Tips by none other than Bemis and Southpaw on the tail end of their `05 SOBO).
Amazing...for a guy who's 5'7" in his barefeet. I met him years ago. We were both wearing cowboy boots and I felt like I towered over him (and I'm only 5'9"). Another diminutive celebrity capitalizing on the magical power of a camera lens and good editing (add Bruce Lee, Sly Stallone and Mel Gibson to that list).
Just Jeff
10-09-2006, 19:18
But Chuck is still regarded as one of the best fighters in the world. I just read it on his website (http://www.chucknorris.com).
Wanderingson
10-09-2006, 22:30
When the boogeyman goes to bed, he's affraid that Chuck Norris is under his bed.
Rock--Retired from active duty. Working at Camp Arifjan as a contractor. I travel to all the camps in Kuwait. On your way out, drop me a line. You probably roll through Ali Al Salem again.
Be Safe Out There my Friend
Wanderingson
10-09-2006, 22:50
North Korea did NOT conduct a nuclear test.
Chuck Norris was just testing his latest homemade alcohol stove.
Just Jeff
10-09-2006, 22:50
Good one, Wanderingson.
Anyone can google Chuck Norris...let's think of our own AT-related Chuck myths.
Kennebec River crossing at 8000cfs = Chuck Norris' Jacuzzi
Chuck Norris does a yo-yo for his morning jog.
Just Jeff
10-10-2006, 00:04
What sound do you hear just before a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick? No one knows. Dead men tell no tales.
The Big Bang Theory - Chuck kicked, and BANG...it happened.
Have you read Chuck's thru-hiking book? 5 Million Roundhouse Kicks, Georgia to Maine...
Chuck's pack is lighter than Wolf-23000's.
Chuck wears a kilt. And does roundhouse kicks to the head...
freefall
10-10-2006, 00:14
Chuck's pack is lighter than Wolf-23000's.
:DLMAO!!!!
Chuck Norris can only weigh his pack on a truck scale.:D:cool:
Chuck Norris did the half dozen gallon challenge.
Chuck Norris long-jumped the ENTIRE trail.:D
Just Jeff
10-10-2006, 01:34
I liked hiking behind Chuck Norris. Any blowdowns...a quick roundhouse kick and it was smoooooth hiking.
SGT Rock
10-10-2006, 01:36
When the boogeyman goes to bed, he's affraid that Chuck Norris is under his bed.
Rock--Retired from active duty. Working at Camp Arifjan as a contractor. I travel to all the camps in Kuwait. On your way out, drop me a line. You probably roll through Ali Al Salem again.
Be Safe Out There my Friend
I know I am going through there in Feb - Getting short baby!:banana
SGT Rock
10-10-2006, 01:44
Chuck Norris needs no pack because:
Chuck doesn't need a stove - revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck doesn't need a sleeping bag because Chuck doesn't sleep - he waits.
Chuck doesn't need a shelter - the rain is afraid of getting Chuck Norris on it.
Chuck doesn't need a pot - he normaly eats rare stake - so rare it normally forgets to kill it before he starts eating.
Chuck Norris doesn't need fire or warm clothing - his rage keeps him warm.
Chuck Norris doesn't need bug spray - because every part of his body is required to be registered as a leathal weapon. His blood is considered a concealed weapon in 50 states.
Chuck doesn't need bear spray - but he carries it anyway - for spicing up a meal before eating it. Mmmmm pepper spray!
Chuck doesn't need a light - he can see in the dark. So be afraid, be very afraid.
Pennsylvania rocks all used to be big bolder - until Chuck got bored on his thru-hike.
Mahussics notch used to be Mahussics Mountain. Chuck did that.
As told by Percival Proctor Baxter: Chuck Norris dug a cathole in Piscataquis County, Maine. The norrific pressure released from that mighty blast caused a groundswell so intense that a mountain erupted in it's place. "The greatest mountain" Katahdin.
As told by Percival Proctor Baxter: Chuck Norris dug a cathole in Piscataquis County, Maine. The norrific pressure released from that mighty blast caused a groundswell so intense that a mountain erupted in it's place. "The greatest mountain" Katahdin.
Heh. Norrific.
Thats way better than Sly's new word.
JMHO.
Whiz Kid
10-10-2006, 06:02
Chuck Norris invented the color spectrum, all the colors except pink, Tom Cruise invented pink
Alligator
10-10-2006, 09:45
Chuck Norris doesn't need a map or trail guide. Chuck Norris is the way.
Chuck Norris doesnt't use the canoe at the Kennebec, he just roundhouse kicks the river and walks along the bottom.
Chuck Norris is so full of rage he can winter SOBO in shorts.
Hikers are afraid of copperheads and rattlesnakes. Rattlesnakes and copperheads are afraid of Chuck Norris.
That's not a superfund site near Palmerton. Chuck wanted a fire and started roundhouse kicking trees.
Alligator
10-10-2006, 10:58
Hikers stay up late to see the stars. Chuck Norris just roundhouse kicks the sun.
Trees don't change color due to shorter days, cooler temperatures, and the loss of chloryphyll. It's just Chuck kicking the green out of the trees.
Hikers play dead when they see a bear. Bears play rug when they see Chuck Norris.
Just Jeff
10-10-2006, 11:44
Norrific. That's norrible, Austexs. Absolute norrisense. Chuckpucky.
1stCavSoldier
10-10-2006, 13:10
Hikers play dead when they see a bear. Bears play rug when they see Chuck Norris.
That's awesome! LMAO:D
sum41punk91
10-10-2006, 13:40
Good one, Wanderingson.
Anyone can google Chuck Norris...let's think of our own AT-related Chuck myths.
i agree...
chuck norris doesnt carry his pack he round house kicks it to the next shelter... however he goes through lots of tenets and stoves that way
Alligator
10-10-2006, 14:25
A hiker once offered Chuck a pair of Lekis. That hiker now leaves spike holes instead of footprints.
Chuck Norris doesn't need a filter, every drop of water that passes Chuck's lips is purified by his rage.
A zero for Chuck Norris isn't a day off, it's how many seconds it takes Chuck to kill you for suggesting he needs a rest.
Non-hiking.
People didn't have cracks in their asses until someone mooned Chuck Norris. He kicked the guy so hard the crack reverberated back to Adam.
SGT Rock
10-10-2006, 14:31
Chuck Norris is the reason shelters only have three sides. They all started with four. Any that still have four he has not stayed in (yet). He likes to have a view so he can see who he plans to kill next.
Chuck Norris hikes in cowboy boots. Get over it - or else.
sirbingo
10-10-2006, 14:59
Who is Jack Bauer?
I remember the Chuck Norris Action Jeans (http://www.yikers.com/picture_gallery_funny_pictures_miscellaneous_chuck _norris_action_jeans.html) Chuck Norris Action Jeans with the stretchable crotch, so they could be tight but not split when you did a big kick...Chuck Norris split his.
Chuck Norris eats shredded wheat without milk.
Alligator
10-10-2006, 15:04
Who is Jack Bauer?I had to go to Google images myself. He's not as worthy as Chuck.
SGT Rock
10-10-2006, 15:22
Yes, better not let Chuck know about this JAck Bauer guy.
Footslogger
10-10-2006, 15:26
Ya know how Chuck stays in shape right ?? ...on his Total Gym.
'Slogger
Alligator
10-10-2006, 15:39
Ya know how Chuck stays in shape right ?? ...on his Total Gym.
'SloggerWhen Chuck exercises on his Total Gym, the machine not only gets stronger, it packs itself up and hides under the bed until Chuck wants to make another commercial.
Footslogger
10-10-2006, 15:56
Is this the MinnesotaSmith thread ??
'Slogger
SGT Rock
10-10-2006, 15:58
No, if this were the minnesota smith thread it would go something like this:
Minnesota smith doesn't nees A roll of toilet paper, because he has 6.
Alligator
10-10-2006, 16:05
No, if this were the minnesota smith thread it would go something like this:
Minnesota smith doesn't nees A roll of toilet paper, because he has 6.Or,
MS doesn't need to camel up on water, he can carry ten liters between water sources.
Footslogger
10-10-2006, 16:05
Well Rock ...that begs the question then ...Does Chuck need Toilet Paper ??
'Slogger
SGT Rock
10-10-2006, 16:08
Well there is a story about Chuck Norris and a bear were taking a **** together in the woods. Chuck looks at the bear and ask him if he had trouble with **** sticking to all that fur. The bear said "Why no Mr Norris, sir, I do not".
So Chuck Norris wiped his ass with the bear.
SGT Rock
10-10-2006, 16:08
Oh. And the bear thanked him for it too. ;)
Footslogger
10-10-2006, 16:15
Oh. And the bear thanked him for it too. ;)
===============================
Now THAT's impressive !!
Sort of reminds me of an old poem. Goes something like this ...
IN DAYS OF OLD WHEN KNIGHTS WERE BOLD
AND TOILET PAPER HAD NOT YET BEEN INVENTED
YOU WIPED YOUR ASS WITH A BLADE OF GRASS
AND WALKED AWAY CONTENTED.
Guess we'd have to change some of the wording in the case of Chuck though ...
'Slogger
No, if this were the minnesota smith thread it would go something like this:
Minnesota smith doesn't nees A roll of toilet paper, because he has 6.
Chuck Norris doesn't need TP.
Chuck does not take crap from anybody, including himself.
:D
Footslogger
10-10-2006, 16:44
Chuck does not take crap from anybody, including himself.
:D
==================================
But that would be "GIVING" not taking.
'Slogger
Sleepy the Arab
10-10-2006, 17:01
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
Footslogger
10-10-2006, 17:05
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his father.
=======================
Poor guy ...
'Slogger
Just Jeff
10-10-2006, 17:33
Ya know how Chuck stays in shape right ?? ...on his Total Gym.
No - he stays in shape with Christie Brinkley. The Total Gym is because YOU can't stay in shape with Christie Brinkley.
==================================
But that would be "GIVING" not taking.
'Slogger
When Chuck Norris poops, it is so norristically explosive that the poop has no time to stick.
That is how Chuck Norris takes no crap from himself. ;)
Footslogger
10-10-2006, 18:01
Just got to wondering what CHUCK would say if he read this thread.
'Slogger
Just Jeff
10-10-2006, 18:02
He wouldn't say anything. Talk is cheap. He'd just wait.
Skidsteer
10-10-2006, 18:10
He'd wait and then roundhouse kick us into the woods, which is where most of us want to be anyway.
Just Jeff
10-10-2006, 18:15
In some Third World countries they're not even allowed to speak his name. He's just "The One Who Roundhouse Kicks." One time someone slipped and "Chuc" came out - before he could finish the word, he was consumed by Chuck's rage. It was Norrible.
saimyoji
10-10-2006, 18:18
Just got to wondering what CHUCK would say if he read this thread.
'Slogger
He was on one of the late nite talk shows a while back and thought they were funny. He even quoted his favorite ones. I think the "superman wears chuck norris jammies" was up there. He was quite good humored about it.
RockyTrail
10-10-2006, 18:22
Chuck Norris don't need to speak or write.
In fact, Chuck Norris is so tough, when he wants to write a 500-page novel he gets LW to write it.:D
Just got to wondering what CHUCK would say if he read this thread.
'Slogger
Hmmm......
Chuck Norris has a t-shirt that says "Everyone else is a Candy Ass".
Chuck Norris
10-10-2006, 18:35
Just got to wondering what CHUCK would say if he read this thread.
I'm waiting...
Skidsteer
10-10-2006, 18:37
Uh-oh. This is gonna get ugly.
I'm waiting...
Well, That was fast! I guess you got my email? :cool:
Skidsteer
10-10-2006, 18:42
Well, That was fast! I guess you got my email? :cool:
Chuck doesn't need e-mail.
His hearing is so good he eavesdrops on the information superhighway.
Chuck Norris
10-10-2006, 18:52
I don't read email. I stare down the internet and it gives me all the information I need. When it gets clogged up a roundhouse kick solves the problem yesterday.
Chuck doesn't need e-mail.
His hearing is so good he eavesdrops on the information superhighway.
No skidsteer. I really E-mailed him. :D
I don't read email. I stare down the internet and it gives me all the information I need. When it gets clogged up a roundhouse kick solves the problem yesterday.
Hey Chuck! :welcome
Please return my e-mail so I know you and not some weird coincedence. :)
Hey Chuck! Remember when Bruce Lee pulled out your chest hair and blew it at you? That must've really made you mad.....
Chuck Norris
10-10-2006, 19:21
Not really. My rage is so high it's immeasurable, so I don't get madder when stuff happens. I just let out a bigger dose of rage on the chump. It was too much for the camera to record. Bruce Lee is no longer with us. But he has my name imprinted on his face...
Not really. My rage is so high it's immeasurable, so I don't get madder when stuff happens. I just let out a bigger dose of rage on the chump. It was too much for the camera to record. Bruce Lee is no longer with us. But he has my name imprinted on his face...
Sorry about the Chuck Norris poop references earlier. I know at your age you take these things seriously! :D
Just Jeff
10-10-2006, 19:33
When God said, "Let there be light," Chuck Norris said, "Say please."
McAfee Knob was going to be a carving of Chuck's face, but they found the granite wasn't hard enough.
Chuck, don't worry about the crap coming out of Austexs right now - you've obviously scared him $h!^-less!
When God said, "Let there be light," Chuck Norris said, "Say please."
McAfee Knob was going to be a carving of Chuck's face, but they found the granite wasn't hard enough.
Chuck, don't worry about the crap coming out of Austexs right now - you've obviously scared him $h!^-less!
I am Norrified! :eek:
Chuck Norris is so tough that his series "Walker, Texas Ranger" was meant to simply be a Saturday morning kids show. His proposed primetime drama was rejected for it's violent cotent.
Kennebec River crossing at 8000cfs = Chuck Norris' Jacuzzi
Ha!!! 8000 cfs = Chuck's morning piss
Alligator
10-11-2006, 10:32
Chuck Norris decided he was leaving too many bodies laying around so he invented Leave No Trace. Anyone roundhouse kicked by Chuck just vanishes. Even their footprints disappear.
Just Jeff
12-07-2006, 23:33
The saddest moment in a child's life is not when he learns that Santa isn't real...but when he learns that Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris's tears can cure cancer. Too bad he never cries.
The handicapped sign in the parking space doesn't mean it's for handicapped people to park there. It means if you park there, Chuck will make you handicapped.
Chuck Norris's rage secretly powers the StarSchlep Distraction.
Jack Tarlin
12-07-2006, 23:42
I actually met Chuck Norris in Boston around eighteen years ago.
What surprised me is that he's at most, 5' 8'' (and is reputedly shorter as he's widely suspected of wearing lifts).
He was friendly, soft-spoken, and a perfect gentleman.
He also appeared to be in really great shape and he must have been around 47 at the time.
Lone Wolf
12-07-2006, 23:47
I'm 47 and I'm in so-so shape at this time.
Just Jeff
12-08-2006, 00:57
He's actually created and supported a lot of good community service programs. I was surprised when I read about it all...very admirable. But he's still a badass in the movies.
minnesotasmith
12-08-2006, 01:33
Some kids wear Superman underwear. Superman wears Chuck Norris underwear.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee in his teeth and boils his water with his own rage.
Chuck Norris and Mr T were hiking the AT together, but the ATC had to ask them to stop. All the shelters were disintegrating b/c that's just too much awesome for one building to handle. So Chuck called Katahdin and the mountain came to him...he got his patch.
Chuck doesn't hang his hammock. He just roundhouse kicks the trees and they hold it up for him.
Chuck Norris was hiking the AT when a mountain was blocking the trail, so he roundhouse kicked it. Hence, Mahousac Notch.
Oh - and you'll have to forgive the Heartbreak Ridge post a while back - I was brainfarting.
"What's white, with a black *sshole? The A-Team."
freefall
12-08-2006, 03:08
Chuck Norris' sperm are so hairy, they are commonly reffered to as puppies.
(and don't dare ask him to leash `em when you see him out walking on the AT lest you get roundhouse kicked in the face!)
laniamore
12-08-2006, 12:15
just watch a force of one... it's the greatest. :D
SalParadise
12-08-2006, 14:17
Chuck Norris puts the the laughter in manslaughter.
Bloodroot
12-08-2006, 14:41
Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
Footslogger
12-08-2006, 14:53
Chuck Norris's rage secretly powers the StarSchlep Distraction.
===============================
Damn ...and all this time I thought it was those dilithium crystals.
Way to go Chuck !!
dang and all this time I thought it was the Vulcan Beans (tm)
Footslogger
12-08-2006, 15:30
dang and all this time I thought it was the Vulcan Beans (tm)
================================
Well hey ..that might be part of Chuck's secret source of power. We mere mortals can never knows these things.
superman
12-08-2006, 19:34
LOL, When kids dress up to play superhero, they want to be Superman. When Superman dresses up to play a superhero, he wants to be Chuck Norris.
StarLyte
12-08-2006, 19:54
LOL, When kids dress up to play superhero, they want to be Superman. When Superman dresses up to play a superhero, he wants to be Chuck Norris.
I love this thread.
Sometimes you just gotta get as far away from the real world as you possibly can.
Lone Wolf
12-08-2006, 19:56
When I dress up I want to be Janet Reno.
StarLyte
12-08-2006, 19:57
Chuck Norris' sperm are so hairy, they are commonly reffered to as puppies.
(and don't dare ask him to leash `em when you see him out walking on the AT lest you get roundhouse kicked in the face!)
Freefall, this post topped the cake tonight.
I have no resort now but to have a glass/es of merlot.
StarLyte
12-08-2006, 20:23
When I dress up I want to be Janet Reno.
Must be all that chicken you ate last night.
Just Jeff
12-08-2006, 20:33
When I dress up I want to be Janet Reno.
Dino? You heard that?
Dances with Mice
01-09-2007, 12:13
Did you know Chuck Norris had a pet rabbit (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u3SDJ1CCUVc&mode=related&search=)?
Must be related to this one....
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XcxKIJTb3Hg&mode=related&search=
ferryman
01-10-2007, 00:06
There is not a better "good vs evil" show on TV than Walker Texas Ranger. It is part of my "must see" TV agenda. Probably the best show was the one I saw last night entitltled "Whitewater" where of course the villain always get a good butt kicking. I don't care if he is 4 ft or 7 ft, I enjoy his pursuits of getting the bad guys off the street. Long live Texas justice! Steve
Did you guys know that Chuck Norris used to be an Air Force SP? Yep! He was once stationed at Osan AB in Korea. However, as part of an arms reduction treaty, he had to be retired from service. :)
Chuck was replaced by a less lethal weapons system, the B2 Bomber.
Sysiphus
02-23-2007, 11:11
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
freefall
02-23-2007, 21:20
Chuck Norris shot Bon Jovi in the heart for giving love a bad name.
Footslogger
02-23-2007, 21:26
My boss resigned today. I had Chuck make her an offer she couldn't refuse !!
'Slogger
So Pain^4 = Death?
I don't know what these words mean, but it is certainly true,as near as I can tell. Most people who have ever lived in this world, perhaps all people, have either died.\, or will have,before the end of their livies.
Weary
freefall
02-23-2007, 22:55
Chuck Norris is planning on hiking this year!!:eek:
http://www.trailjournals.com/entry.cfm?trailname=4923
Ya'll better watch out for roundhouses!
Bloodroot
02-23-2007, 23:09
Upon hearing his good friend, Lance Armstrong, lost his testicles to cancer, Chuck Norris donated one of his to Lance.With just one of Chuck's nuts, Lance was able to win the Tour de France seven times. By the way, Chuck still has two testicles; either he was able to produce a new one simply by flexing, or he had three to begin with. No one knows for sure.
Sysiphus
02-24-2007, 04:33
When Chuck Norris was born, the nurse said "Oh My Gosh, you're Chuck Norris". Then they had sex. This was only the second time Chuck Norris had sex.
Ramble~On
02-24-2007, 04:58
Sometimes John Wayne thought he was Chuck Norris.
wildernessman
02-24-2007, 15:56
The boogeyman checks his closet each night for chuck norris!
The original title of the Bible was called "Chuck Norris and Friends."
freefall
02-24-2007, 16:47
Chuck Norris round-house kicks in a clockwise direction in the northern hemisphere but in a counter-clockwise direction in the southern hemisphere.
No one knows why, and no one has dared to ask him.
Footslogger
02-24-2007, 16:51
Chuck Norris round-house kicks in a clockwise direction in the northern hemisphere but in a counter-clockwise direction in the southern hemisphere.
No one knows why, and no one has dared to ask him.
==========================
...AND he builds in the necessary declination to stay perfectly aligned with true north/south !!
Two Speed
02-25-2007, 11:55
==========================
...AND he builds in the necessary declination to stay perfectly aligned with true north/south !!Almost right. Declination stays perfectly aligned with Chuck. :p
Footslogger
02-25-2007, 12:00
Almost right. Declination stays perfectly aligned with Chuck. :p
===========================
Now THAT's some real pull !!
'Slogger beaming up ...leaving the whole earth and magnetic stuff to Chuck.
Two Speed
02-25-2007, 12:05
See ya on the holodeck.
Footslogger
02-25-2007, 12:07
See ya on the holodeck.
=================================
Wonder if Chuck does Holodeck ??
'Slogger
Two Speed
02-25-2007, 12:08
=================================
Wonder if Chuck does Holodeck ??
'SloggerI can't imagine the holodeck objecting if he wanted to.
saimyoji
02-25-2007, 19:15
Chuck IS a walking holodeck....reality bends itself to his will.
freefall
03-03-2007, 00:09
"Walker, Texas Ranger" does not have slow motion. Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks are so fast, they slow down time.
Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.
StarLyte
04-25-2007, 10:01
I found this thru www.stumbleupon.com
DON'T think that I am a Chuck Norris fan. I like this thread because I can make fun of him here :D
My father used to FORCE ME to watch his movies. :mad:
click here if you dare (http://liveu-79.vo.llnwd.net/yikers/videos1234/pictures/1279/yikers_chuck_norris_action_jeans1.jpg)
Chuck Norris once ate an entire ream of rice paper and shat out origami swans and Mister Miyagi from Karate Kid.
Then, ate a package of ramen noodles and shat out a complete relief map of the AT, and every bog crossing in NJ.
Gray Blazer
04-25-2007, 11:09
My father used to FORCE ME to watch his movies. :mad:
Now that's what I call abusive.:rolleyes:
freefall
04-25-2007, 20:45
I found this thru www.stumbleupon.com (http://www.stumbleupon.com)
DON'T think that I am a Chuck Norris fan. I like this thread because I can make fun of him here :D
My father used to FORCE ME to watch his movies. :mad:
click here if you dare (http://liveu-79.vo.llnwd.net/yikers/videos1234/pictures/1279/yikers_chuck_norris_action_jeans1.jpg)
I'll have to keep those in mind the next time I'm asked to do some stunt fighting in an action movie. Happens all the time.:D
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked me into the future. Now I am only 26 years old even though I was born in the year 1974... Not sure how it happened but I swear it's true:-?
Nightwalker
06-10-2007, 15:45
When Chuck Norris goes to bed, he wears Fred Thompson pajamas. :D
smokymtnsteve
06-10-2007, 16:18
When Chuck Norris goes to bed, he wears Fred Thompson pajamas. :D
How do U know?
Nightwalker
06-10-2007, 16:34
How do U know?
Chuck told me at a bar the other night; it only took three beers. Boy, talk about a cheap date!
---------------------------------------------------
Before Osama bin Laden goes to sleep at night, he fearfully looks underneath the bed to check for Fred Thompson.
Tennessee Viking
06-10-2007, 23:25
I bet Kincora Bob Peoples can kick Chuck Norris's ass.
Nightwalker
06-10-2007, 23:53
I bet Kincora Bob Peoples can kick Chuck Norris's ass.
He could at least cover him in rocks...
sum41punk91
06-24-2007, 23:02
I'll have to keep those in mind the next time I'm asked to do some stunt fighting in an action movie. Happens all the time.:D
i hate when that happens haha
Just Jeff
07-03-2007, 22:27
www.ultimateshowdown.org (http://www.ultimateshowdown.org)
"..and down from the heavens descended Chuck Norris..."
Check out this ad.http://www.geekologie.com/2007/07/chuck_norris_action_jeans.php#comment
Just Jeff
07-15-2007, 11:56
DOH! I had the URL wrong in the post above...it's .org instead of .com, but I fixed it.
www.ultimateshowdown.org (http://www.ultimateshowdown.org)
Worth a couple minutes out of your non-hiking lives... :D
Baum Trigger
07-15-2007, 12:08
DOH! I had the URL wrong in the post above...it's .org instead of .com, but I fixed it.
www.ultimateshowdown.org (http://www.ultimateshowdown.org)
Worth a couple minutes out of your non-hiking lives... :D
HAHA, thats great!
camojack
07-16-2007, 00:49
HAHA, thats great!
Quite entertaining, but unrealistic.
Nobody beats Chuck Norris except for Bruce Lee...and he's dead. :(
Frolicking Dinosaurs
07-16-2007, 04:29
I say we turn Miss Janet loose on Chuck. He'll be helping out in the kitchen in no time - and he might even snivel a little.
twosticks
09-14-2007, 09:37
www.chucknorrisfacts.com
10 pages of goodness.
superman
09-14-2007, 09:56
It is a fact that Superman dresses up like Chuck Norris on Halloween.:banana
chiefdaddy
09-14-2007, 19:09
Ok so I own a Martial arts school in the atlanta area and am sitting in my office after class lookin around WB and then my SIDE SPLITS from laughter or was it Chuck norris doing a drive by kick?
Harry Dangler
09-16-2007, 22:24
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris
can pee his name into concrete.
Harry Dangler
09-16-2007, 22:24
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
As a young lad, growing up in Cimmeria, Conan the Barbarian trained himself for hardship by going for as many as 30 days without food, but only because the young Chuck Norris kept stealing his lunch money.
Chuck Norris has only section hiked the AT, but he did it as one section.
Harry Dangler
09-17-2007, 22:06
Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse.
Horses are hung like Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
Chuck Norris can unscramble eggs.
Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
no matter your political bent, this is funny!
http://www.redstate.com/stories/elections/2008/insanely_good_huckabee_ad
[quote=SteveJ;451928]no matter your political bent, this is funny!
http://www.redstate.com/stories/elections/2008/insanely_good_huckabee_ad[
/quote]
That is very creative.
Kirby
CoyoteWhips
11-19-2007, 14:18
Three people you never want to go camping with.
Burt Reynolds
Robert Conrad
Chuck Norris
StarLyte
11-19-2007, 18:09
I no longer boycott this thread.
Frolicking Dinosaurs
11-19-2007, 18:50
::: Dino kidnaps StarLyte to have her brain rewashed :::
Chuck Who :confused:
freefall
11-20-2007, 00:23
Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger. It is actually a list of fatalities that occurred during the making of the episode.
They were going to release a Chuck Norris edition of Clue, but the answer always turns out to be "Chuck Norris. In The Library. With a Roundhouse Kick."
There are now five cup sizes at Starbucks: Short, Tall, Grande, Venti, and Chuck Norris.
freefall
11-20-2007, 00:38
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdD54rG9oQA
no matter your political bent, this is funny!
http://www.redstate.com/stories/elections/2008/insanely_good_huckabee_ad
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NdD54rG9oQA
Ok, I hate internet acronyms, but ROFL! Love it!:D
ScubaDooba
11-20-2007, 14:52
Chuck Norris uses the Majestic Redwoods as trekking poles.
When Chuck Norris drinks from a stream, he does not have to purify his water. The microorganisms sense his presence and leave.
Jim Adams
11-26-2007, 20:11
Chuck Norris once ate a 96oz. steak in an hour and banged the waitress for the first 40 minutes.
geek
Karate Wrangler Sex is an anagram for Walker, Texas Ranger. Coincidence? I think not.
Chuck Norris once ate a 96oz. steak in an hour and banged the waitress for the first 40 minutes.
geek
You are a geek.
This is a cool site, has anybody else seen it :)
http://chucknorrishiking.com/
Furlough
12-05-2007, 10:56
Now Chuck is showing his powers to influence politics.
http://www.newsweek.com/id/73272
Furlough
Chuck's personal favs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8QAeoFdM5g&feature=related
whitefoot_hp
12-06-2007, 19:18
when c. norris does push ups, hes not pushing himself up, he's pushing the earth down.
"I didn't pick John McCain to support because I'm just afraid that the vice president would wind up taking over his job in that four-year presidency, so we need to find someone that can handle it for four years or eight years, that has the youth and vision and communication skills to make that work."
-- Chuck Norris
"I'm afraid that I may have to send my 95-year-old mother over to wash Chuck's mouth out with soap."
-- John McCain
Ramble~On
01-24-2008, 07:09
After spending hundreds of millions of dollars conducting research into how to protect the earth from collision with comets, asteroids and other space junk.....NASA concluded that all that was needed was to arm Chuck Norris with a spitball straw.:D
superman
01-24-2008, 09:01
Chuck Norris's friend John Kerry walked into a bar and the bar tender said "why the long face."
Chuck Norris's friend John Kerry walked into a bar and the bar tender said "why the long face."
Chuck Norris's friends, George Bush and his buddies, walked into a bar and the bartender said "I am sorry, but I think you have had more than enough." ;)
Ramble~On
01-25-2008, 05:32
Chuck Norris's friends, George Bush and his buddies, walked into a bar and the bartender said "I am sorry, but I think you have had more than enough." ;)
Yeah. That was something like 5 seconds before Dick accidently shot a bystander in the face.
Two Speed
01-25-2008, 06:25
Yeah. That was something like 5 seconds before Dick accidently shot a bystander in the face.Get real, man. You know that wasn't lead shot, it was pea gravel knocked into ballistic motion when Chuck Norris demonstrated a roundhouse kick. ;)
superman
01-25-2008, 09:31
Today's my birthday. Chuck Norris round house kicked me sooo hard he kicked me back to being 39.
Chuck's personal favs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n8QAeoFdM5g&feature=related
Now that's funny!
Wait, it gets better (http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/)!
Chuck Norris is our nation's only weapon of mass destruction. :D
Lion King
01-25-2008, 17:46
Chuck Norris only has a beard to hide his third fist.
1. Go to Google home page
2. type- find Chuck Norris
3. Hit the I’m feeling lucky button
1. Go to Google home page
2. type- find Chuck Norris
3. Hit the I知 feeling lucky button
That sounds scary.
1. Go to Google home page
2. type- find Chuck Norris
3. Hit the I知 feeling lucky button
That's amazing. Holy S***.
ROTFLMAO!
Kirby
RadioFreq
02-07-2008, 17:12
1. Go to Google home page
2. type- find Chuck Norris
3. Hit the I知 feeling lucky button
Who says corporate America doesn't have a sense of humor?
1. Go to Google home page
2. type- find Chuck Norris
3. Hit the I知 feeling lucky buttonThat is hilarious! Holy ****!
Chuck norris is'nt made of titanium.......Titanium is made of chuck norris.
Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't have a MySpace account. All space belongs to Chuck Norris.
Just Jeff
02-07-2008, 18:41
Nothing is certain except death, taxes, and Chuck Norris' aim. And he's not so sure about death and taxes.
i wonder what religion chuck norris would post about on WB...
i wonder what religion chuck norris would post about on WB...Chuckism?
Chuckism?
Is that the study of kickyoura**ism:-?
Is that the study of kickyoura**ism:-?Yep, they study it at the Church of the Roundhouse. :D
Well Rock ...that begs the question then ...Does Chuck need Toilet Paper ??
'Slogger
Chuck would just rip a pine tree out of the ground wipe and move on
Chuck would just rip a pine tree out of the ground wipe and move onChuck doesn't have to wipe, all the crap just falls off for fear of retaliation.
doggiebag
02-07-2008, 19:38
Chuck can hike the trail in 30 days unsupported - and not for his mom. Chuck doesn't need a mom - she was too scared to breast feed him.
Chuck can hike the trail in 30 days unsupported - and not for his mom. Chuck doesn't need a mom - she was too scared to breast feed him.Ouch! Good one!
Chuck doesn't have to wipe, all the crap just falls off for fear of retaliation.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_6.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk762MNUS)Good one.
Chuck doesn't have to wipe, all the crap just falls off for fear of retaliation.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/36/36_11_6.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxmk762MNUS)Good one.Thank you, next performance in 10 mins. :D
yeah, but will he blend? (http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=chuck)
doggiebag
02-07-2008, 20:12
Vincent Van Gogh never really cut his own ear off. Chuck just got tired of his neo-impressionism crap and paid him a visit.
http://gardenofpraise.com/images/gogh.jpg
doggiebag
02-07-2008, 20:22
Chuck Norris is so tough ... he's the only man that viewed the 2008 calendar of "The Women of Websleuths" and retained his eyesight.
Chuck Norris is so tough he trims his nails with a blowtorch. :D
[quote=Hooch;528755]Chuck Norris is so tough he trims his nails with a blowtorch. :D[/quote
Nope your wrong their, Chuck's nails are afraid to grow.:D
kayak karl
02-08-2008, 06:00
Chuck doesn't have to wipe, all the crap just falls off for fear of retaliation.
they came out with a Chuck Norris TP. didn't sell. wouldn't take ***** off anybody:D
The Chuck Norris Mountain Dew commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIgey9NLdhk&feature=related). :D
Bare Bear
02-09-2008, 08:37
Chuck Norris is an ultralight hiker...he just takes whatever he wants along the way.
The Chuck Norris Mountain Dew commercial (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIgey9NLdhk&feature=related). :D
Dang that has me looking over my shoulder as I type this thread:eek:
dessertrat
02-10-2008, 02:17
Chuck Norris is a pansy, and any other type of flower he wants to be.
Lion King
02-13-2008, 00:36
Chuck Norris once beat up the Pope because the Pope said he was the only infallable one.
hehehhehe
notorius tic
02-13-2008, 01:04
I hiked with chuck last year an his wife 4 real the true chuck was on the trail last year.... The dude went by Chuck Norris an his wife went by Chucks wife good folks fun to pound miles with..
Just when you thought it was over with. Ladies and Gentlemen, I present to you The Chuck Norris Song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jIuW0dPdPt0). :D
LMAO...HAAA....HEEHEE.....H*LL yeah!! That is awesome. Chuck rules!!! Good find, Hooch!!
Chuck Norris wears Darrin McFadden underwear.
Doughnut
03-05-2008, 19:54
Chcuk Norris actually died ten years ago.
The Grim Reaper is afraid to tell Chuck that he is dead, which is why Chuck is still alive today .!
(thanks daisy deb)
The only reason Chuck Norris says the Total Gym is so easy is because it does all the work for him out of fear. :eek: I just made that up, can you tell? :D
The only reason Chuck Norris says the Total Gym is so easy is because it does all the work for him out of fear. :eek: I just made that up, can you tell? :D
Surely not:D
Surely not:DPlease don't call me Shirley. :rolleyes:
doggiebag
03-06-2008, 11:18
Chuck Norris wears ribbed condoms inside-out ... so he get's the pleasure. :D
Jim Adams
03-26-2008, 08:20
St. Patrick's Day:
Hiker: Mr. parkay, where's your pack?
Mr. Parkay: Chuck's carrying it for me!.....think I'm going to give him my water bladder too and just make him hike close and fast enough for me to drink on the run.
http://www.newsadvance.com/lna/news/local/article/chuck_norris_to_speak_at_liberty_university_commen cement/3325/
http://www.newsadvance.com/lna/news/local/article/chuck_norris_to_speak_at_liberty_university_commen cement/3325/Chuck's commencement speech to the Class of 2008 at Liberty University:
"To the Class of 2008, make us proud, work hard and stay out of trouble or I will personally hunt you down and kick you ass. Thank you." :eek:
Doughnut
03-27-2008, 16:26
My wife is a student at Liberty, Now I have to push her to complete her dissertation so I can meet Chuck and unleash the fury of my deadly weapons, show him what real fighting is....
dough nut
StarLyte
03-31-2008, 21:56
go here >>>> Chuck Norris (http://clients.arranschlosberg.com/chuck/index.htm?query)
1. Go to Google home page
2. type- find Chuck Norris
3. Hit the I知 feeling lucky button
go here >>>> Chuck Norris (http://clients.arranschlosberg.com/chuck/index.htm?query)Thanks StarLyte, Tabasco shared that with us a while back. But it's still nice to be reminded that corporate America still has a little sense of humor. :D
I have a WONDERFUL collection of Chuck Norris quotes photographed from the walls of Porta-Johns in Iraq and Kuwait. Picture this: sitting on the pot - the door reads "look out Chuck Norris is behind you!" When you turn around, the back wall says, "Awww, you missed him - you're lucky to be alive!"
Man sells Cheeto shaped like Chuck Norris on eBay for $16 (http://cosmos.bcst.yahoo.com/up/player/popup/?rn=3906861&cl=7241501&ch=4226713&src=news).
I love this thread... just had to throw that out there...
I love this thread... just had to throw that out there...It's fun....one of my favorites. And there hasn't been a single arguement on this thread of which I'm aware. (Knock on wood!)
FlimFlam
04-03-2008, 22:53
Chuck Norris was banned from the zoo. He kept battling the silverback for his females.
FlimFlam
04-03-2008, 22:57
Chuck Norris was once mistakenly categorized in the orangutan species of great ape. The scientists never made that mistake twice. He now has his own genus called chimpus norrisae.
FlimFlam
04-03-2008, 23:00
Chuck Norris has no problem with male pattern baldness. He just tells his hair to grow and it does. Example: Enough back hair to shame a wolly mamoth.
FlimFlam
04-03-2008, 23:03
Chuck Norris felt embarrassed by his fellow redhead's weak body so he told him, "Carrot Top, thou shalt be strong. And he was."