View Full Version : Hikers Beware
Chainsaw
01-26-2007, 14:41
Interesting article I came across on Craigs List:
"DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY
WILL GREASE YOU’RE ASS.
Don't even ******ing say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat. I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the ******. The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont ******ing tell you...Except in tiny print you cant read without a ******ing electron microscope...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease." Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding. So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow. Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes ********** yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the ******?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then? So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You ******ing Pringle bastards.
I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff. The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole ******ing roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So. I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks
spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean. That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so ******ing foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. So I grabbed the bar of soap and went to work. You ******ing Pringle bastards. The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the ******ing grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that ***** again. ******ing Pringle bastards. This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. ****** Pringles."
Interesting article I came across on Craigs List:
"DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY
WILL GREASE YOU’RE ASS.
Don't even ******ing say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat. I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the ******. The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont ******ing tell you...Except in tiny print you cant read without a ******ing electron microscope...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease." Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding. So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow. Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes ********** yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the ******?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then? So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You ******ing Pringle bastards.
I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff. The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole ******ing roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So. I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks
spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean. That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so ******ing foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. So I grabbed the bar of soap and went to work. You ******ing Pringle bastards. The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the ******ing grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that ***** again. ******ing Pringle bastards. This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. ****** Pringles."
:D beep beep:cool: neo
Footslogger
01-26-2007, 14:43
Been there, done that ...but I didn't eat the whole can.
Had a pretty good case of the gallopin skids the day after.
Still like the original pringles on the trail though !!
'Slogger
Jack Tarlin
01-26-2007, 14:53
Chainsaw:
Thank you, for your, shall we say, extremely detailed post.
Very informative. As I'm on a diet at the moment, your story is worth remembering. I shall not soon forget about Fat Free Pringles.
And I also now know what to get Warren for Christmas!! :D
(Note to the humor impaired......that was a joke. I think.)
That is the funniest damn thing I've read in weeks.
saimyoji
01-26-2007, 14:59
We need a new emoticon just for threads like this. :bse :D :banana :eek:
generoll
01-26-2007, 15:00
Never trust a fart.
QHShowoman
01-26-2007, 15:02
It's not just Pringles -- the "Light" versions of Doritos, Tostitos, Ruffles, etc., are all made with Olestra and can have the same gastrointestinal effects, especially when consumed in large amounts! I can vouch for this!
I am sitting in my classroom right now while my students are taking a test and couldn't help but laugh out loud. That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time!! My students think I'm nuts, and they're probably right.
Hana_Hanger
01-26-2007, 15:10
LOL this was very entertaining/warning....thanks for my morning wake up!
Had a hard time holding on to my coffee up!!:D :D
saimyoji
01-26-2007, 15:42
I am sitting in my classroom right now while my students are taking a test and couldn't help but laugh out loud. That's the funniest thing I've read in a long time!! My students think I'm nuts, and they're probably right.
Surfing WB while your students are testing? :eek: You are nuts.
Thank You. I work for the sanitay district in my town, and I think to expand our business I,m going to suggest we send these out to people. Im thinking we will clean up on this, literally. While reading this now everybody in my office thinks I have lost my mind.:banana :banana :banana
Lone Wolf
01-26-2007, 15:51
Thank You. I work for the sanitay district in my town, and I think to expand our business I,m going to suggest we send these out to people. Im thinking we will clean up on this, literally. While reading this now everybody in my office thinks I have lost my mind.:banana :banana :banana
#1 in the #2 business?
Toolshed
01-26-2007, 15:54
This isn't something new. Have you been under a rock for the last 6 years or so?????? :eek: :eek: :eek:
I thought there was even warnings on food with Olestra products about anal leakage.
History of Olestra (http://www.cspinet.org/olestra/history.html)
TMI! TMI!
But usefull nonetheless. Will pass this along..... :-)
The Old Fhart
01-26-2007, 16:24
No, this isn't really new. When Olestra's effects were first discovered, they put a warning on packages saying "may cause anal leakage"!:eek: I always wondered who the ad person was that thought up that clever phrase.
Footslogger
01-26-2007, 16:28
[quote=The Old Fhart;310607]No, this isn't really new. When Olestra's effects were first discovered, they put a warning on packages saying "may cause anal leakage"!:eek:
================================
Get Out ...are you serious ??
'Slogger
oldfivetango
01-26-2007, 16:48
Mrs. Tango and I eat the Reduced Fat Pringles.I had
some for lunch today.I could not find Olean or Olestra
listed on the label(which is bi-lingual btw) so maybe I
will be safe at her school function tonight.I remember
when Olestra first came out that it caused distress to lots
of folks.Sorry to hear you had a bad experience.
Cheers,
Oldfivetango
Phil1959
01-26-2007, 16:51
WOW! Thanks for the laugh! I came home from work in a bad ass mood.Almost started my thru hike today! LOL But I now feel better after that story! Thanks!
The Old Fhart
01-26-2007, 17:18
Footslogger-"Get Out ...are you serious ??"Check this site (http://www.cspinet.org/olestra/11cons.html) and you will find these warnings highlighted:
Olestra causes gastrointestinal disturbances, which are sometimes severe, including diarrhea, fecal urgency, and more frequent and looser bowel movements.
Olestra sometimes causes underwear staining associated with "anal leakage."
Chainsaw
01-26-2007, 18:16
You guys don’t overanalyze this. I found the commentary rather humorous. Perhaps I should have put it in the humorous section.
4eyedbuzzard
01-26-2007, 18:22
Check this site (http://www.cspinet.org/olestra/11cons.html) and you will find these warnings highlighted:
Olestra causes gastrointestinal disturbances, which are sometimes severe, including diarrhea, fecal urgency, and more frequent and looser bowel movements.
Olestra sometimes causes underwear staining associated with "anal leakage."
Why anyone would doubt information such as this when posted by someone named "The Old Fhart" is beyond me.;)
Toolshed
01-26-2007, 18:40
Why anyone would doubt information such as this when posted by someone named "The Old Fhart" is beyond me.;)
Glad he does't call himself "the wet fart".
Footslogger
01-26-2007, 18:54
Glad he does't call himself "the wet fart".
================================
Well yeah ...cuz then we'd have to call him "SHART"
'Slogger
superflatz
01-26-2007, 19:11
Hey, at my age a "greasy" fhart is a plus. Anything to get "moving". I think the correct term is "sharted".
Almost There
01-26-2007, 20:15
I just died laughing at this!!! Knew it happened, but the way it was written, I couldn't read it out loud to my wife I was laughing so hard!
SuzyQhoo
01-26-2007, 20:44
Chainsaw!
Thank you for sharing this personal moment!
I laughed out sooooo LOUD I scared the dog! My abs hurt from laughing so hard! I am so glad I didn't have any Coke in my mouth, it would surely be all over my monitor and keyboard at this very moment!
I'm very sorry this happened to you, but THANK YOU for adding humor to the end of my work week!
Suz :)
Gray Blazer
01-26-2007, 20:52
Chainsaw:
Thank you, for your, shall we say, extremely detailed post.
Very informative. As I'm on a diet at the moment, your story is worth remembering. I shall not soon forget about Fat Free Pringles.
And I also now know what to get Warren for Christmas!! :D
(Note to the humor impaired......that was a joke. I think.)Warren already took the leftover ones off the table.:D I'm just kidding Warren.;)
Gray Blazer
01-26-2007, 20:54
You guys don’t overanalyze this. I found the commentary rather humorous. Perhaps I should have put it in the humorous section.Next time tell us how you really feel.
Deja-Vu ? didn't I hear this story around the campfire at The Gathering ?? Or maybe I am confusing it with those other sh***y stories ? LOL
Why anyone would doubt information such as this when posted by someone named "The Old Fhart" is beyond me.
Well yeah ...cuz then we'd have to call him "SHART"
Sharted,,, this is a very funny thread.
Fat Free Pringles = $ .99
Toilet Paper = $1.99
Surfing WB while trying to teach kids= Priceless ;)
RAT
You guys don’t overanalyze this. I found the commentary rather humorous. Perhaps I should have put it in the humorous section.Wouldn't have helped. Someone analyzed the video on using elephant poop as a water source in the humor section.
Hmm, I wonder if the elephant had been eating non-fat Pringles.
One nice thing about farting, you can tell if a female hiker is wearing panty hose because when she farts her ankles will swell up just above her boots.
OMG, I just thought of something,,, where do they get that stuff (Ass Grease) from ????
Uh, I just ate a bunch of ruffles light and guess what, they have olean in them. I already knew of the ass fire side effect. I have already had some very suspect pains and gas.
How to name a thru-hiker. Give them a box of fat free Prinkles. Wait.
freefall
01-26-2007, 22:36
The first time I had fat free Pringles w/ Olasstra, the next day I thought I was going to have to call the EPA to clean up the oil slick before I flushed. I make sure that stuff never touches my mouth again!!!
The Old Fhart
01-26-2007, 23:40
Freefall-"The first time I had fat free Pringles w/ Olasstra, the next day I thought I was going to have to call the EPA to clean up the oil slick before I flushed."Now that's an visual image I didn't need!:D :D :D
freefall
01-26-2007, 23:43
Now that's an visual image I didn't need!:D :D :D
How ya think I felt? I was trying to remember if I had drank a quart of 10w-30 while sleepwalking.:eek:
I shared this with a friend (she's an OR nurse) this evening. She said to watch out for the stuff - it coats your intestines to not only keep from absorbing the "fats" but also keeps nutrients from food from being absorbed for an unknown time after eating - yuck!
If it took that long to get off your hands, image what's going on in those slimy intestines!
The Old Fhart
01-27-2007, 00:08
Smile-"........She said to watch out for the stuff - it coats your intestines to not only keep from absorbing the "fats" but also keeps nutrients from food from being absorbed for an unknown time after eating - yuck!"That is correct. If you check the link I posted previously it says(emphasis mine):
In Procter & Gamble's two eight-week clinical studies, the lowest level tested -- 8 gm/day (equivalent to 16 olestra-containing potato chips) — caused dramatic depletion of fat-soluble vitamins within two weeks.
Whoops, didn't mean to reiterate! Should've read your post more thoroughly.
I will listen more carefully to the old fhart :)
freefall
01-27-2007, 00:29
I will listen more carefully to the old fhart :)
Old farts never lie, they just smell that way. :D
No offense Old Fhart!;)
Old farts never lie, they just smell that way.But they lay.
freefall
01-27-2007, 01:17
But they lay.
On the shelter floor. And comsume every living creature. I've seen mice run in mortal fear.
I've seen mice Mommas comfort their young'ens after a fart. Cowering in the fear that they were to be overtaken. Oh, what an experience!
The weekend warrior decided to carry a can of "Fat Free Pringles" for dinner. After all, They are light and have a few calories.
But whoa the tiny animals at the shelter. They come out to find food at night, only to be gassed by one of these strange animals that inhabit the shelter but for one night.
"What have we done to them?"
"Where is he humanity?"
"Where's that mmm,mmm, good oatmeal with the peaches?"
"BRRRRGGG"
"what was that?"
"BRRRGRDDDGG"
"Oh my, what's that smell?"
"BRRRGDDGGRRGR"
"Run children, RUN! We might die in this fume! that sounds like an Olasstra fart and we ALL know what that does!"
"No good can come from Olasstra Momma."
"that's right my son. Let's get back to the tunnels before we, before we, well, before we don't see each other anymore."
"I love you Momma."
"I love you too, Bait!"
See, no good comes from Olestra!
Mrs. Tango and I eat the Reduced Fat Pringles.I had some for lunch today.I could not find Olean or Olestra listed on the label(which is bi-lingual btw) so maybe I will be safe at her school function tonight.
I eat the reduced fat ones all the time. Pringles come in three versions, regular, reduced fat, and fat free. It's only the fat free ones that will get you where you can't go looking (which is why I don't eat them).
Entertaining article :D
4eyedbuzzard
01-27-2007, 02:13
Makes the old Baby Ruth bar method of emptying a pool obsolete.:D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JqZJdxvwqA4
mambo_tango
01-27-2007, 02:51
Makes the old Baby Ruth bar method of emptying a pool obsolete.:D
I work in a hotel with a large pool (I work front desk) and we had to learn how to take care of accidental fecal discharge. If solid we have to shut down the pool for two hours and turn the chemicals on high. If it isn't solid we have to shut it down over night with chemicals on high. Luckily in the year I have worked there I have yet to find any AFD's or dead bodies (in the pool or otherwise).
That was one funny video, of course wouldnt have been if was me in the tub ;-)
RAT
How to name a thru-hiker. Give them a box of fat free Prinkles. Wait.[/quote]
New Hiker name ***** Happens :-?
Jim Adams
01-29-2007, 14:06
I was doing some long term testing once for a freeze dried food manufacturer and found that, long term, freeze dried food will have the same effects. Common rule of thought was .....if you live on freeze dried food, you best know what you're doing when you fart!
geek
Toolshed
01-29-2007, 14:59
Oooooyyyyyy ..... that video was hilarious!!!!
I foresee an instructional video release in the future...:)
It's been widely known for years that Pringles leads to excessive butt butter. They should be avoided
drdewrag
01-29-2007, 21:07
It's not just Pringles -- the "Light" versions of Doritos, Tostitos, Ruffles, etc., are all made with Olestra and can have the same gastrointestinal effects, especially when consumed in large amounts! I can vouch for this!
No kiddin'! I got your leakage... When this stuff (olestra) first came out, I thought, "I'm free!!!" I can eat all the fat free nacho cheese doritos I want." And then came the screamin' **its - for days. :eek: :eek: I ate the whole bag. Never again.
Jester2000
01-29-2007, 21:12
Deja-Vu ? didn't I hear this story around the campfire at The Gathering ?? Or maybe I am confusing it with those other sh***y stories ? LOL
RAT
I believe that was Squatch's story, "The Long Trip," which won a prize in the "Stories 'Bout Poopin'" category.
And I also believe that in his youth Old Phart was actually in a band called "Fecal Urgency."
peter_pan
01-29-2007, 21:26
From day one....Do Do Happens....Best to develop a sense of humor.... this thread is a toot, er hoot.
Pan
The Old Fhart
01-29-2007, 23:06
Jester2000-"...............And I also believe that in his youth Old Phart was actually in a band called "Fecal Urgency.""That was so funny it almost caused "underwear staining associated with "anal leakage.":eek:
eventidecu
01-30-2007, 00:46
K I just woke up my wife laughing sooo hard...she had to come into the office to see what I was "crying" about! I guess she thought I was about to commit "hary karry" or something. God that was funny. literaly crying tears hear.Thanks for the laugh. Sounded straight from the heart,,,or fart!!! LOL
Uncle Wayne
01-30-2007, 08:38
but what a informative post and thread that followed. That was so funny it has to be one of the all time best post.
The Doctor
01-31-2007, 15:41
It's hard fopr me to type right now becasue I am actually laughing so hard that i'm crying. That post is EPIC. The detail and pure hatred shown for the pringle people was great. I honestly haven't laughed this hard in a while. Here comes my boss, gotta go.
Been there, done that ...but I didn't eat the whole can.
Had a pretty good case of the gallopin skids the day after.
Still like the original pringles on the trail though !!
'Slogger
Hay Slogger, Is that why you had the other trail name?:-?
Footslogger
01-31-2007, 16:43
Hay Slogger, Is that why you had the other trail name?:-?
==============================
Well ..sort of. Back then everything I ate on the trail turned into a methane bomb !!
'TootSlogger
Gray Blazer
04-10-2007, 12:42
I was reading about the symptoms of Giardia and they sound about the same as ingesting olestra......greasy stools and anal leakage and a few others as well.
The General
04-10-2007, 13:52
I laughed so hard I nearly leaked. Sometimes we have to lower the tone to get the best laughs
oustanding post Chainsaw. Thanks for the laughs
Sounds like a new way to prevent chafing.
Rhino-lfl
04-10-2007, 14:40
Take a can of these things and sprinkle them around a shelter for the mice. That way at night when a bunch of annoying hikers are sleeping, mice with anal leakage will be running all over them and their stuff! That could be one way to get ride of someone.