PDA

View Full Version : Need advice backpacking with wife



Egads
03-25-2007, 19:29
Let me start by sharing that I am married with children. My son (23), youngest daughter (9), & I really enjoy backpacking and the backcountry. I am blessed with a new job that allows me to have weekends off. :)

My wife informed me that she wants the two of us to go to the Pacific NW (Bend, OR) for vacation this summer. She sees it as a good opportunity to get in some sight seeing, dining, & shopping. I see as a good opportunity to get in some great hiking. After some discussions, she agreed to spend 2-3 nights on the trail. So, we went shopping and acquired the right gear for her to be comfortable from the low 30s & up.

Here is the problem. I loaded her pack today; fully loaded with 2 days food & 2 L water it weighed all of 15.1 lbs. When she tried it on, she nearly fell over & complained how heavy it is.:( I thought it might be the pack, so we tried 3 different packs. Then I had my 13 yo girl try it on for grins. Her book bag weighs 15 lbs, so no problem for her.

I already planned on switching to my Gregory Baltoro for the trip & loading it up with all it will carry just to lighten her load.

I need advice.:confused: Should we go as planned? Should we call off the hiking? Should I arrange other activities for her for a few days while I go hiking? Should I slack pack & have her meet me at the road crossings & car camp?

For what it’s worth, we are going to Max Patch ~4 mi round trip & the Lover’s Leap section of the AT ~10 mi round trip in a few weeks for a shake down trip. I think these locations will maximize her reward for the minimum effort.:-?

BTW, she chose our shelter. Choices were a SD Clip Flashlight, a Shires tarptent, a tarp, & a Big Agnes Seedhouse 3. Yup, you guessed right. I get to carry the Seedhouse 3. At least we will have plenty of room.

Egads

Skidsteer
03-25-2007, 19:44
If there's a way to do it, take her on day hikes 1-3 weekends a month between now and Summer vacation.

Buy Tim Homan's 'The Hiking Trails of North Georgia' and start with the easiest hikes with the biggest payoff. In other words, think waterfalls.

Take her out to eat at a nice place after every hike and Good Luck.

dixicritter
03-25-2007, 19:54
If it isn't her idea to go hiking in the first place she's going to complain the whole time and it will be a miserable trip for all. She has to be willing to make the effort, which I don't see if she's complaining about a 15.1 lb pack. Trust me on this one.

I always told SGT Rock that us hiking together would most likely end our marriage, up until this year when I finally decided that I wanted to try it out. Day hiking we'd done plenty of times, short hikes to beautiful spots, but overnight or long distance was another story. I just knew I'd be ready to kill him before all was said and done. Plus it just really didn't sound like a whole lot of fun to me.

I imagine that your wife probably feels the same way to some extent. If you have "talked her into" this 2-3 nights on the trail, I would strongly suggest that you reconsider. Give her another option and let her decide which she wants to do... she just might decide to go on the hike after-all at which point it'll be a much better experience, but if she chooses the other option then don't make her feel guilty for it. Be understanding and supportive, one day you just might get your wish... It does happen, just ask SGT Rock. ;)

moxie
03-25-2007, 20:01
In years of hiking and not talking about ultralites most women long distance backpackers carry packs weighing between 30 and 45 pounds with 45 being the exception. The young ladies that work as croo at the White Mountain AMC huts often pack in 60 to almost 100 pounds and all of it uphill. I have met some real petit women hijkers with very large packs. I remember Blister's Gregory extended what looked like 6 inches above her head. If your wife wants to do it she can, it's just a matter of ballance, practice and getting used to it. Three or four days isn't enough time to get used to a heavy pack but after a few weeks you don't even know you are wearing it.

Rebel, with a Cause!
03-25-2007, 20:20
On April 5th, I will leave Springer for another hike up the AT. I did this in 2002 and 2006. My son did it in 2005. During this time my wife has been in support mode and a non-hiking partner in it all. This year she came forth and said she would like to do some small hikes with me. I asked, Day Hikes or Overnites?
She said both. So I bought her some gear and off we went.

She is having a ball of fun. We started with a few Day Hikes and then up to the AT for a night in a shelter. She pulled it off like a champ. Now she is going to start at Springer with me and go to Neels Gap with the thruhiking crowd.

I am glad we did it this way and not by me forcing her to my wishes and enjoyment. It is so much better this way. And I am so proud of her and the effort she has put forth to do this ( and everyone knows it does require alot of effort ). Now I just wish we could afford to do the AT hike together for the whole distance. But thats not in the cards this year. Someone has to stay home and pay the bills and she has agreed to do this. But I am so glad that she will get to go and experience the start of a real AT Hike. I'm sure she will love it and want to go again.

Today we hiked about 9 miles today and she kept asking me: Is my pace better, Am I doing ok? Is this hill like Sassafras Mt or harder? She was really getting into it and wanted to know. How many wives can compare a hill to Sassafras? I think thats so cool :)

Anyway my point being is that she needs to WANT it or it wont work. That I am sure of. And I'm glad my wife wants it.

Cya on the Trail

lvleph
03-26-2007, 08:00
At 15.1lbs... I would say she doesn't really want to go.

oldfivetango
03-26-2007, 08:22
At 15.1lbs... I would say she doesn't really want to go.

Big Ditto!I mean it cant be what,10 percent of her body weight?How
many UL hikers you have out there with 15 lbs total?
Oldfivetango

soulrebel
03-26-2007, 08:43
I think you've made a mistake in your weight calculation.
2 days food = 3.5-4.5lbs 2L of water = 4.4lbs. Total food/water=8-9lbs

That means you have her gear down to 7lbs base weight. Not trying to be a weenie, but a 7lb base weight requires ultralight equipment, frameless packs, tarps, foam pads, clothing/sleep combo system.

From the type of gear you've listed above, It seems presumable that she's carry much more than you've calculated. Manufacturers usually don't list the correct weights. GL

-btw...Every year there are more and more people with less than 15lbs total. (summer base 6.5lbs/30+F, winter base 10lbs/0+F) my wife has the same but slightly lighter since I carry the tarp and cookpot

Almost There
03-26-2007, 08:54
How physically active is your wife? I ask because my wife really wants to go on a hike with me, but I know until she gets into a little better shape she is going to "complain" once I get her out there. I like to feel the burn, she does not. She does love nature and the outdoors, but physical pain forces her to give up very easily...so we both have been working out lately and if we keep it up then when I do take her out, it won't be so rough on her.

I also would echo what Dixie had to say...keep in mind what you or I may find to be "not that hard" our wives may find to be "very hard". My wife is all of 5'2", and due to work hasn't had time to work out much in the last two years, finally is starting to have the time. Now I am 6ft tall, lift weights and work out regularly, I have a 50inch chest and a 38inch waist, and bench press over 300lbs. Not trying to toot my own horn but merely to give the example that what I find easy is not going to be what my wife finds easy simply based upon our sizes and respective strengths.

My advice is to make sure her first trip out overnight is ideal in as many ways as possible, if she ends up being miserable you may never get her out there again. Good Luck!

Sly
03-26-2007, 09:13
Well, if you can get her to go, the hiking near Bend, on the PCT in the Three Sisters Wilderness (http://www.fs.fed.us/r6/willamette/recreation/tripplanning/wilderness/threesisters.html) isn't all that difficult, but can be mosquito hell. Bring Deet.

fonsie
03-26-2007, 09:27
Here is the problem. I loaded her pack today; fully loaded with 2 days food & 2 L water it weighed all of 15.1 lbs. When she tried it on, she nearly fell over & complained how heavy it is.:( I thought it might be the pack, so we tried 3 different packs. Then I had my 13 yo girl try it on for grins. Her book bag weighs 15 lbs, so no problem for her.

I already planned on switching to my Gregory Baltoro for the trip & loading it up with all it will carry just to lighten her load.


Egads


If she cant carry 15.1 lbs leave her home:-?

Appalachian Tater
03-26-2007, 19:32
She had two children and no doubt gained more than fifteen pounds each time, plus a lot of that weight was sticking out in front in an awkward manner instead of in a nicely balanced and supported on the back and waist.

Maybe something else is going on besides just the weight. Have you thought about asking her directly?

oldfivetango
03-27-2007, 08:08
How physically active is your wife? I ask because my wife really wants to go on a hike with me, but I know until she gets into a little better shape she is going to "complain" once I get her out there. I like to feel the burn, she does not. She does love nature and the outdoors, but physical pain forces her to give up very easily...so we both have been working out lately and if we keep it up then when I do take her out, it won't be so rough on her.

I also would echo what Dixie had to say...keep in mind what you or I may find to be "not that hard" our wives may find to be "very hard". My wife is all of 5'2", and due to work hasn't had time to work out much in the last two years, finally is starting to have the time. Now I am 6ft tall, lift weights and work out regularly, I have a 50inch chest and a 38inch waist, and bench press over 300lbs. Not trying to toot my own horn but merely to give the example that what I find easy is not going to be what my wife finds easy simply based upon our sizes and respective strengths.

My advice is to make sure her first trip out overnight is ideal in as many ways as possible, if she ends up being miserable you may never get her out there again. Good Luck!

If I were you I would just pop the wife in my backpack and take her
on a papoose hike.That should solve the problem of her getting tired
and sore.:D
Oldfivetango

orangebug
03-27-2007, 08:42
My experience with a wife who couldn't carry 15 pounds comfortably - it was a bad choice of backpack.

Go to one of the very good outfitters in NOGA (Walasi-Yi) and get her fitted. Then get them to show her how it needs adjusting frequently to actually fit her spine and hips.

All will be good.

weary
03-27-2007, 09:34
I trained my wife by backpacking with her -- and the three kids -- to a camping area for a couple or three nights, and taking day hikes from that central spot. My "training" campground was Chimney Pond, a fairly gentle 3.5 mile trail, half way to Katahdin's summit.

For the first couple of years our day hikes were gentle two-three mile round trips. By the third summer everyone was eager to climb Katahdin, like everyone else at Chimney Pond, so we did.

Weary

Egads
03-28-2007, 18:55
Everyone,

Thanks for the suggestions. A couple of you hit the nail on the head. She isn't active & she really isn't motivated because she has not experienced it.

Maybe that will change after our trial run in a couple of weeks.

Enjoy the trail,:sun
Egads

Appalachian Tater
03-28-2007, 22:29
My god you guys talk about wives as if they were horses, getting them fitted and training them. She doesn't want to hike, she wants to shop.

orangebug
03-28-2007, 22:33
Getting her fitted = shopping.

weary
03-28-2007, 22:49
My god you guys talk about wives as if they were horses, getting them fitted and training them. ....
So? Neither my wife, nor kids have become dedicated backpackers. But they all remember our trips fondly, and proudly. And my kids all seem to want me to take their kids on similar activities.

Essentially, that's been my central role in life -- introducing people to the outdoors, one way or another. Sometimes persuading them to join me on walks to special places; sometimes by writing about special places; sometimes just providing protected land to entice them away from their tvs and game machines.

So far, no one has come up and accused me of destroying their lives with my enticements. From time to time, rarely, I admit, someone will thank me for these gratuitous efforts to change their lives.

Whatever. I find it a fun thing to do.

Weary

SteveJ
03-28-2007, 23:04
So? Neither my wife, nor kids have become dedicated backpackers. But they all remember our trips fondly, and proudly. And my kids all seem to want me to take their kids on similar activities.

Essentially, that's been my central role in life -- introducing people to the outdoors, one way or another. Sometimes persuading them to join me on walks to special places; sometimes by writing about special places; sometimes just providing protected land to entice them away from their tvs and game machines.

So far, no one has come up and accused me of destroying their lives with my enticements. From time to time, rarely, I admit, someone will thank me for these gratuitous efforts to change their lives.

Whatever. I find it a fun thing to do.

Weary

Hi, Weary - I hope my boys have similar memories as they grow older, and that I have a similar role in my grandkids' lives....

Rain Man
03-28-2007, 23:54
If I were you I would just pop the wife in my backpack and take her on a papoose hike.

The fellow who originally ran what is now Mt. LeConte Lodge in the Smokies did just that when his mother refused to come up for a visit. He strapped a chair to his back and took his elderly mother up that mountain!

Rain:sunMan

.

Egads
04-07-2007, 09:21
We just got back from Max Patch. We had to change plans when our sitter fell through; so we took our 9 & 13 yo girls with us.

We arrived at Max Patch 3:00 pm in sunny, ~39*, very windy conditions. We took the left trail fork on the NW side of the mountain (exposed to the wind). It was so windy on the summit trail that we often were blown sideways and walked at an angle leaning into the wind. The view from the summit is amazing. We hung out for ~ 30 minutes & took many pictures.

We hiked down and continued clockwise on the trail around the mountain. We set up camp in the woods on the SE side of the mountain. We were fairly sheltered from the wind, but still felt some of the gusts.

I did a little exploring this side of the mountain & met Self, a thru passing over the summit. He started March 16 and was putting in +20 mi days. Traveling very light w/o a stove.

We ate re-hydrated Polynesian chicken for dinner, then gathered in our Big Agnes Seedhouse 3 for some stories. My 13 yo & I retired to a SD Clip Flashlight while my wife & 9 yo enjoyed the palace. The BA SH 3 is huge for two. Our beds consisted of a Thermarest 3 mattress, a Z-lite (R5.3) WM Alpinlite 20* w/ a JRB nest overquilt for my wife, a Montbell #2 w/ a fleece inner bag for my 13 yo, a TNF Blaze w/ a fleece inner bag and a cocoon liner for my 9 yo, and a TNF Blaze w/ a reactor liner and a bivy for me. We also had down jackets for the 3 oldest if any one needed more insulation. I love the WM Vapor jacket. It is warm and blocks the wind. However, it could use a hood.

I woke everyone in the morning at 7:30 so we could keep on schedule for the day's activities. It was 19*, the wind was still blowing hard, and there were snow flurries. I achieved my goal of keeping everyone warm during the night. :p We packed up & hiked out. This is when the girls got cold. 19-20* temps and a 20 mph wind in your face is brutal if you are not protected. We were glad the hike was only 1/2 mile back to the car, which we used to go to Hot Springs for a well deserved hot breakfast. Hot Springs is swarming w/ thru hikers at the diner & Bluff Mtn Outfitters. Even though this trip was hardly more than car camping, I am happy with the outcome. It was the first back packing trip for my wife & 13 yo. It was also the 1st night the girls slept warm with temps below freezing. We have been on too many car camping trips w/ crap for gear in years past.

We learned a few things during the trip.
1. Everyone expressed their relief to be warm during the night. Proper gear & preparation makes the trip more enjoyable.

2. Backpacking is not as hard as they expected. It helps that their packs were ~15 lbs. Exception - climbing uphill is never easy.

3. I can carry way more gear than I expected using my Gregory Baltoro. It is a heavy load workhorse. I carried over 40 lbs & had 3 bags & 2 pads strapped on the outside. I still prefer going lightweight.

4. They found the views in the mountains are wonderful if you get out of the car and hike or horseback. (Our reward was a 3 hour horseback ride at Sandy Bottoms Stables)

5. My wife has a better understanding of why I backpack. It will never be her hobby as she prefers a house and a mattress to a tent and a bag. All the girls were ready to come home after one cold morning. My wife commented that she would have enjoyed the trip if it were 20* warmer & the wind was not blowing so hard.

6. Mexican food hits the spot after a day of FBC (freezer bag cooking) & trail bars.:)

7. Finally, my wife & I are going backpacking on the PCT in Oregon this summer.:D

peanuts
04-07-2007, 11:42
egads, i am glad you and your wife and kids had a wonderful time. maybe there be willing to go out more often with you. so hi-five to your girls....:)

p.s. if you ever need an out-of-town sitter, pm me:D(i know shameless plug!)

Hana_Hanger
04-07-2007, 14:49
Egads...sounds to me like she will enjoy some of the PCT in Oregon. If she can put up with the cold icy snow and windy weather you just went through.

My suggestion would be to remember it is more enjoyable for those who are not hikers to simply go slow and easy...and make the camping experience more fun.
Maybe find a great spot on the first day of hiking and then camp there for a day or two and hike out instead. Taking along a extra special surprise for her once you set up camp on the first day is wonderful too. In other words spoil her and make it fun...she may soon get use to this extra attention from you and want to go more often. :D
Just don't forget she said she wanted to go sight seeing and shopping ....hint hint! You have to endure as well LOL

boarstone
04-07-2007, 18:24
My god you guys talk about wives as if they were horses, getting them fitted and training them. She doesn't want to hike, she wants to shop.
I just had to add my 2 cents worth...I'm the female that can't find the male hiking partner that mirrors the " wanted female partners" of those of you here who would like to have them join you in your hiking quests....mine goes with me but not w/o a lot of questions/interagation of my own ability to get us there and back, hence a fight ensues before leaving, I hike off, he can join or not...I've hiked/hunted/fished/snowsled/ etc. in the woods all my life..so has he, just not overnight...that is a non-no...I've hiked on and left him to go back to the truck when he complains too much on day hikes, yet he will camp overnight, vehicle handy, as in "camping" but not backpack...must be the comfort thing.....:(

Wanderingson
04-08-2007, 00:29
A wise old timer told me the secret to breaking folks into the great outdoors. He had stated that if you make their first experience a favorable experience, they will want to repeat it. That just sounded like too simple advise, but it works everytime.

I broke my wife into backpacking by overnighting at the campground at Hot Springs and heading out the following morning. She had a difficult time with the bolderfield and the rocks on the way up, but really enjoyed it once we got up to lover's leap. There were a couple of times I had to slack her to pull her over some of those rocks--she has short, stubby legs. But the experience was a great one for her.

Years later while in Northern Japan, I took her out on her first snowshoe trip, our intent was to make it to the winter survival hut on Mount Odake, but we fell short of our mark due to the excessive gain in elevation. Due to my patience, she had a favorable experience with it.

Again, years later, after coming back from a deployment, she came to me out of the blue and asked if I wanted to do a another snowshoe trip.

I'm telling you, she is hooked on it as long as we can taake it at her pace. She shows marked improvement each time we go out.

whitefoot_hp
04-08-2007, 17:01
i took my girlfriend hiking for the first time a few weeks ago from woody gap to tesnatee gap. 2 nights on the trail. she was in modestly decent shape and the best pair of shoes she had for hiking were some casual new balances, not even trail runners, and no trek poles. loaded her up w/ about twenty lbs and she was demoralized after 4-5 miles. :) she pushed thru though and we made it past neels on day two, when she broke down a bit with some tears. her knees, feet, and groin were killing her, in her words.:) all in all, surprisingly, she wants to go again, and is investing in gear. so ya never know...

whitefoot_hp
04-08-2007, 17:01
i took my girlfriend hiking for the first time a few weeks ago from woody gap to tesnatee gap. 2 nights on the trail. she was in modestly decent shape and the best pair of shoes she had for hiking were some casual new balances, not even trail runners, and no trek poles. loaded her up w/ about twenty lbs and she was demoralized after 4-5 miles. :) she pushed thru though and we made it past neels on day two, when she broke down a bit with some tears. her knees, feet, and groin were killing her, in her words.:) all in all, surprisingly, she wants to go again, and is investing in gear. so ya never know... beyond the

whitefoot_hp
04-08-2007, 17:02
few awkward moments i enjoyed the slow paced hike...

joec
04-09-2007, 09:22
I caught my wife crying on the uphill to the top of Bluff Mountain last yr. She goes with me but I plan now to shuttle out of some trail town to the higher elevations and hike back into town. Mostly downhill and more agreeable to her wishes. She is only going to be with me so make it for her as much as possible. I usually try to stay in a nice place after the hike and treat her to a massage, facial type treat at the resort. Carry most of the weight for her and make sure you take something special for her as a surprise. I took a flask of her favorite after dinner drink and she enjoyed sitting out by the tent sipping.

Rhino-lfl
04-12-2007, 13:25
Just remember that if you get attacked by a bear, use her as a human shield :)

Captn
04-12-2007, 16:01
Pull out a 2L flask of her favorite beverage and cook Smores after dinner .... hard not to love camping after a few glasses of wine and smores around a roaring campfire ....

Worked for me at least

superman
04-12-2007, 16:23
I was married to a woman for 18.5 years who didn't like to hike or anything. I met Pat from Maine during our 2000 thru hikes. We still hike together and she can carry a heavier pack, faster and farther than I can any day of the week. My new theory is if you want a partner to like doing what you like...find them doing that activity already. It's just a theory.

Deerleg
04-12-2007, 17:11
I caught my wife crying on the uphill to the top of Bluff Mountain last yr. She goes with me but I plan now to shuttle out of some trail town to the higher elevations and hike back into town. Mostly downhill and more agreeable to her wishes. She is only going to be with me so make it for her as much as possible. I usually try to stay in a nice place after the hike and treat her to a massage, facial type treat at the resort. Carry most of the weight for her and make sure you take something special for her as a surprise. I took a flask of her favorite after dinner drink and she enjoyed sitting out by the tent sipping.

****Bingo;)****