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rob123ufl
11-22-2007, 12:15
so im home for thanksgiving right now, and i just broke the news that im thru-hiking to the family. they can't quite grasp why i want to do this, and they basically have no concept of what im undertaking. my mother can't understand why i want to go alone. ("what if something happens to you?" "isnt it dangerous?").

how do you address questions from people who literally have no idea about thru-hiking?

warraghiyagey
11-22-2007, 12:19
Unfortunately you have initially fallen into the negative reaction loop. Here's an idea though. Gather your friends/loved ones who are very supportive, think it's a great idea and who understand your undertaking and get them around your folks who are concerned about the 'dangers.' There's power in numbers and maybe their collective insights will help your Mom and others better deal with your upcoming lifetime experience.
See you on the trail.
SOBO8:)

Marta
11-22-2007, 12:26
There are some excellent DVDs on the AT out there, as well as books and magazine articles. I'd recommend previewing anything you hand out to make sure it doesn't press any of your close family members' panic buttons. You can also direct them to Trail Journals, so they can see that loads of people do this, including people who are older, weaker, feebler, and generally dumber than you are. (That was sort of a joke.) If they can do it, so can you. Hopefully you can whip up in them a certain amount of enthusiasm for the adventure.

Sadly, the only time my mother ever feels very positive about my hiking is when she is around people who say, "Hike the AT!!! Wow! I have always wanted to do that but didn't because..." The most amazing (to my mother) people react that way, including corporate executives and people in the arts, and other people my mother respects. For those few moments, she is very proud of me. Then she lapses back into worrying.

Pacific Tortuga
11-22-2007, 12:32
so im home for thanksgiving right now, and i just broke the news that im thru-hiking to the family. they can't quite grasp why i want to do this, and they basically have no concept of what im undertaking. my mother can't understand why i want to go alone. ("what if something happens to you?" "isnt it dangerous?").

how do you address questions from people who literally have no idea about thru-hiking?

You forgot, why would he tell us on this day when we are all here trying to be happy :eek: ? Your a new memeber of a really big club of family and friends that wonder what they did wrong and why would you waste your young life like this ?
Stay with your plan, include them in your planning, buy maps from AT Ultimate Store so they can follow. Fix some mail drops and have the most skeptic of the 'family' group mail them.
There is so much more you can and will do and the members here at WB's will be a great help and support.

You can do this, and it doesn't matter what your age is, I went through the same thing, people get it or they don't, but give your all and respect for your choice will follow.

Lone Wolf
11-22-2007, 12:48
so im home for thanksgiving right now, and i just broke the news that im thru-hiking to the family. they can't quite grasp why i want to do this, and they basically have no concept of what im undertaking. my mother can't understand why i want to go alone. ("what if something happens to you?" "isnt it dangerous?").

how do you address questions from people who literally have no idea about thru-hiking?

tell them you'll join the Army as a second choice

BigCat
11-22-2007, 13:00
You know, I wish I would have gotten that reaction. When I told my mom, she simply replied, 'Good. Take your dad, too.'

For families that do care, I think Marta had a good idea about watching one of the AT DVD's together. Then your mom can see that it's not a six month solo hike into the impenetrable wilderness.

Pacific Tortuga
11-22-2007, 13:05
tell them you'll join the Army as a second choice

the army :eek: what's up with that ?

vaporjourney
11-22-2007, 13:38
I dealt with this issue about a year ago when I told my family that I was going to thruhike in '07. Initially they were shocked, but after you explain to them and are able to great it down into stages, it helps lots. Explain that there will be tons of people around, lots of hostels in towns every 4 days or so, and that it is a well-documented trail with great guidebooks. No matter how safe you can make it seem, it still won't make people get around the fact that you are 'roughing it', and sleeping in the woods for days on end. I think that when you let them realize how many people are out there doing the same thing, it makes it seem more socially acceptable, and you seem like less of a mountain man, out in the wild solo.

I'm going through the same thing now, just having dropped the bomb weeks back that I'm going to do the PCT next year. Good luck. But don't let their opinion persuade you away from doing what you really feel you must. I have absolutely no regrets about my AT thru-hike, even though friends thought it was strange and idiotic.

Kirby
11-22-2007, 13:53
I just started showing my dad pictures, books, and movies. I answered all questions he had, and got his friends to relieve his fears. I have had him talk with hikers who have done hiked large portions to show it is not dangerous.

I second everything Marta said,
Kirby

Phlashlite
11-22-2007, 14:17
The suggestion about the DVD's, Trek seemed to be the best to show our family. When we broke the news to our daughter and son-in-law they were very concerned about our safety, even more so after watching some of the DVD's. After we started and they could see our progress they warmed up to the idea and now that we are finished they are very proud, but still say how much they worried about us.

A-Train
11-22-2007, 14:24
These are all really good suggestions, and I can agree with all of them. I too struggled much getting the fam to accept my AT hike, and then having to break the news I was going on ANOTHER long hike out west :)

Take solace in the fact that altho they may support you they'll never truly understand. They will never get the comraderie you share with other hikers, the way the forest smells after a long rain, the way you feel inside watching the sun set over a valley, or the exhiliration you get after doing a 20 or 30 mile day.

That's what we're here for!

Programbo
11-22-2007, 14:29
how do you address questions from people who literally have no idea about thru-hiking?

Ideally anyone who is planning a thru hike should be someone who has already been involved in camping/hiking/backpacking for many many years so a thru is just a natural progression of their life-long interest and love of nature...Someone would have already been on many day-hikes..many multi-day backpacking trips and returned safely...Then it would simply be.."Oh that Rob has always loved the mountains. Ever since he was a little boy he's been going back there every chance he gets".....BUT if you haven`t led that sort of life (Boy Scouts, Hiking Clubs, Hikes with friends) to suddenly announce you want to go on a 2,200 mile trek is quite an unexpected shock (I`ll admit I don`t even understand why half the people who say they are going to do a thru-hike want to do one and think they don`t either).... So I guess my question is, Have you been active in hiking/backpacking for a long time?...My advice on how to handle their concerns will be different depending on the answer :-?

Montego
11-22-2007, 14:33
After telling my grown kids of my plans to do a thru hike of the AT, their reaction was one of "if we ignore it long enough, it won't happen". Needless to say I have gotten virtually no support from them even though I have tried to get them involved with purchasing gear, planning meals, viewing journals/pictures, etc.

The only change in my plans is that I believe, at this point, I will not have base support (mailing drop bxes, transcribing journals/pictured, etc.).

Programbo
11-22-2007, 14:35
So I guess my question is, Have you been active in hiking/backpacking for a long time?

Scrap all that..I now recall you are the young man who said he weighed 270 pounds and you mentioned your outdoor experience before....But I can still see their concerns as this is a slightly different type activity than any of the other outdoor things you mentioned...I shall ponder this farther as my turkey cooks :)

Jim Adams
11-22-2007, 14:38
I have done enough of these gone for weeks or months trips that my family seems to accept them now. They still worry but the fears are gone.
I was worried about my age and health when I was about to go attempt the PCT this year and tried to tell my son that if something happens I just want him to know that I loved him. I think he summed it up best when he looked into my eyes and said "Hey, calm down, you're just go'in on a long walk".

geek

Jim Adams
11-22-2007, 14:41
After telling my grown kids of my plans to do a thru hike of the AT, their reaction was one of "if we ignore it long enough, it won't happen". Needless to say I have gotten virtually no support from them even though I have tried to get them involved with purchasing gear, planning meals, viewing journals/pictures, etc.

The only change in my plans is that I believe, at this point, I will not have base support (mailing drop bxes, transcribing journals/pictured, etc.).

Go for it and don't look back! They will come around once they realize that you really are out there hiking and having fun.:)

geek

wakapak
11-22-2007, 14:42
i remember telling my family the first time i was going on a thru....they were shocked to the say least, and being a female wanting to start on her own, they were worried too. but as i talked about it more it eased the concerns (of course, there were still some even as i was on the trail). As the journey went along, i called home from towns, they sent maildrops, and they developed my pics since i sent them home. Now my mom is addicted to sending fun little maildrops to hikers and reading trailjournals...heck, i think she is wanting me to go out a 3rd time!! :)

take-a-knee
11-22-2007, 14:46
tell them you'll join the Army as a second choice

Don't just tell Mom you're joining the army, tell her you plan to be a paratrooper.

Marta
11-22-2007, 14:56
...buy maps from AT Ultimate Store so they can follow.

I posted the strip map on the AT on my office wall, and had another one at home. These were for me to look at during the lead-up to The Hike.

The way it turned out was that my husband took the one from home to his office and colored in with highlighters as I hiked along. At my office, the folks there put arrows at various points along the way, with dates written on the arrows. I've still got that one up in my office, and it's fun to look at.

The strip map is a great visualization tool for hikers and non-hikers alike to see what a long, strange journey it is.

Deadeye
11-22-2007, 15:43
The only change in my plans is that I believe, at this point, I will not have base support (mailing drop bxes, transcribing journals/pictured, etc.).

It may just be the holiday spirit, but I'm that close to volunteering!

mudhead
11-22-2007, 17:22
After telling my grown kids of my plans to do a thru hike of the AT, their reaction was one of "if we ignore it long enough, it won't happen". Needless to say I have gotten virtually no support from them even though I have tried to get them involved with purchasing gear, planning meals, viewing journals/pictures, etc.

The only change in my plans is that I believe, at this point, I will not have base support (mailing drop bxes, transcribing journals/pictured, etc.).

Get some color motorcycle brochures.

No sense threatening to join the Army.

Frosty
11-22-2007, 17:37
the army :eek: what's up with that ?You never pulled a trick like this?

Mom, can I have a dog?

No.

Two months later:

Guess what, Mom? Billy has some pet tarantulas and he's going to give me some. We're going to raise and sell them.

I thought you were going to get a dog.

Well, yeah, but ...

What kind of dog are you going to get?

Montego
11-22-2007, 18:04
Just a quick post to say thanks Jim for the words of faith about going for it and not looking back.

Also, thanks Deadeye for the thought. Since my endeaver won't start untill early May, I'll wait to see it my family stops watching "Family Guy" or "Dog" long enough to realize that there is a bigger world out there than just what's on the boob tube or the computer.

That is what makes this community (WB) so special. Most of you seem to be passionate about hiking, and especially about the AT. Thanks again!

EWS
11-23-2007, 00:38
Don't make a big deal out of it and play it down when other people do.

Mags
11-23-2007, 16:41
It is a Mom's job to worry. Does not matter if you are 23, 53 or 73.... Mom's will ALWAYS worry. My Mom still worries about me...and I'm reasonably experienced at this point.

Show them books, a DVD if you can, get them a map of the AT (the strip map is fine).

Just realize that most of your family and friends won't get it, but they will support you.

(My mom still wonders when I'm going to settle down, find a nice girl and give her grand kids... :D)

Pony
11-27-2007, 18:46
I sent my Dad to a really cool website to answer his questions and concerns. Here is a link. www.whiteblaze.net (http://www.whiteblaze.net)

Kirby
11-27-2007, 21:12
I sent my Dad to a really cool website to answer his questions and concerns. Here is a link. www.whiteblaze.net (http://www.whiteblaze.net)

Umm... Maybe I am missing something, but that is this website:o.

Kirby

Jack Tarlin
11-27-2007, 21:19
Yeah, you missed something, Kirby.

It's called "humor". :rolleyes:

Kirby
11-27-2007, 21:42
Yeah, you missed something, Kirby.

It's called "humor". :rolleyes:

Figures:o. I thought maybe he was loosing his mind, but clearly that title goes to me.

This is a great website:o,
Kirby

Pony
11-28-2007, 14:22
I lost my mind quite a while ago, but I figured that with all that I've learned from everyone on this site, surely my Dad could learn a lot and help ease his mind, and hopefully even get excited for me.

Dancer
12-03-2007, 08:51
I've talked about this for years but I know when I make my official declaration that my family isn't going to like it. I'm going to wait until a couple of weeks before I leave so that there isn't months of back and forth about it. I'll tell them and then I'll head to Maine.

Appalachian Tater
12-03-2007, 18:17
I decided not to tell my family until the night before I left so I wouldn't have to deal with any backlash. The day before I left I stuck some maps and info in the mail. I called and said "I'm going hiking" and when I was asked for how long, said "six months".

Dancer
12-04-2007, 16:59
I want to make it clear that I'm waiting until a couple of weeks before I leave to tell my parents, brothers and sisters etc. If I was married I would tell my husband right away and make sure that he supported me in the endeavor. I don't want to encourage anyone to keep this from a significant other until the last minute.

johnny quest
12-04-2007, 17:12
throw grown kids into that pile witht he siblings and parents. my daughter will give me hell.

Yukon
12-04-2007, 18:11
You know, I wish I would have gotten that reaction. When I told my mom, she simply replied, 'Good. Take your dad, too.'


That is hilarious!!

SGT Rock
12-04-2007, 18:17
I sent my Dad to a really cool website to answer his questions and concerns. Here is a link. www.whiteblaze.net (http://www.whiteblaze.net)
A co-worker sent me to this address once too.

That is hilarious!!
Ain't it though

It is a Mom's job to worry. Does not matter if you are 23, 53 or 73.... Mom's will ALWAYS worry. My Mom still worries about me...and I'm reasonably experienced at this point.

Show them books, a DVD if you can, get them a map of the AT (the strip map is fine).

Just realize that most of your family and friends won't get it, but they will support you.

(My mom still wonders when I'm going to settle down, find a nice girl and give her grand kids... :D)
I think Appalachian Impressions is probably the best video one could use to show someone what a thru-hike is. It takes a while to watch though.

Mad Hatter 08
12-08-2007, 22:39
you know at first my parents were not that cool with me going, now my mom kinda wishes she could come, but physically it would be too hard for her right now. my dad is still iffy, he would be just fine if i had to cancel or postpone my trip. my boss however is threatening to kidnap me and tie me up in her garage to stop me from going. She is really awesome and really cares about her employees, it's going to be kinda hard to quit in two months.

Chaco Taco
12-08-2007, 23:09
I started sectioning and my dad wanted to be part of my hiking. So i had him drive me up and drop me in the woods. Granted I live about 4 hours from the AT. He took me to Waterville School Road and said, "So you just want me to drop my son in the middle of the woods and leave?" He is used to it now. After a couple of times of that, I called him and said, "Dad, im planning another hike" He asked how long. I told him 6 months. His reaction was, "I was wondering when you would finally give in"
My mom said, "Go for it" My parents have been great over these past few months. Helping me with gear purchases. I feel lucky with my family's reaction. When i showed my niece and nephew the map of the US and told them I was walking from GA to Maine, they looked at me with awe. Pretty cool feeling!

Lilred
12-08-2007, 23:16
My husband is very supportive of me. Drives me to the trail and drops me off. It's always kinda weird walking away from him into the woods with him just standing there watching. My kids think I'm nuts. What? No Playstation???? :O