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mweinstone
11-27-2007, 11:24
cause it seems like hikers revere volume. is it the food? or are they trying to compete in some way?

forced burping? same question.

Lone Wolf
11-27-2007, 11:28
can't push too hard, you'll draw mud

Johnny Thunder
11-27-2007, 11:31
Yesterday I farted the longest continuous flatulence of my life. It was like I was breathing in my mouth and out my butt. No push, just lots of dairy. No volume, just power.

Creek Dancer
11-27-2007, 11:32
Yes, sometimes competition is involved, such as with Fart Baseball. Check with Commissioner Hog On Ice for the rules. :eek:

taildragger
11-27-2007, 11:32
can't push too hard, you'll draw mud

He's right, farting isn't the kinda business where you wanna pass gas and strike oil.

Footslogger
11-27-2007, 11:37
cause it seems like hikers revere volume. is it the food? or are they trying to compete in some way?

forced burping? same question.

==============================

No "push" needed here. Relief ...not competition.

Gas happens - both northward and southward ...

'Slogger

jlb2012
11-27-2007, 11:38
dang it Creek Dancer - ever since I called on you to Pinch Hit its been nothing butt trouble

Tipi Walter
11-27-2007, 11:53
Farting can often be the first sign or first labor pains in the emergence of a newborn Turtlehead, and all care must accordingly be paid to the proper birthing technique and proper future-home hole placement of said Colon Lizard, especially when on a long backpacking trip. The closest a grown man comes to death without actually dying occurs between the fart and the birthing of a Young William, sometimes done in a tent on paper towels set aside just for this purpose(especially in winter, hopefully, ONLY in winter).

The emergence of a raging, hot and hostile Turtlehead is oftimes preceeded by a series of droning farts, signaling the soon arrival of the young newborn, it is nature's way to prepare a man to begin deep breathing, proper bung placement and to line up assistants if any are needed. Sadly, the fresh living turtlehead is immediately smothered and buried, but for a short time a man can develop quite a touching relationship to this perky off-colored offspring, though so quickly wiped away and discarded. The fart, therefore, is like the distant muffled crying whine of the deeply throated Turd, in its own way and in its own language signalling its soon arrival.

Creek Dancer
11-27-2007, 11:55
LOL, well that was out of left field. :D



dang it Creek Dancer - ever since I called on you to Pinch Hit its been nothing butt trouble

EWS
11-27-2007, 12:00
Farting can often be the first sign or first labor pains in the emergence of a newborn Turtlehead, and all care must accordingly be paid to the proper birthing technique and proper future-home hole placement of said Colon Lizard, especially when on a long backpacking trip. The closest a grown man comes to death without actually dying occurs between the fart and the birthing of a Young William, sometimes done in a tent on paper towels set aside just for this purpose(especially in winter, hopefully, ONLY in winter).

The emergence of a raging, hot and hostile Turtlehead is oftimes preceeded by a series of droning farts, signaling the soon arrival of the young newborn, it is nature's way to prepare a man to begin deep breathing, proper bung placement and to line up assistants if any are needed. Sadly, the fresh living turtlehead is immediately smothered and buried, but for a short time a man can develop quite a touching relationship to this perky off-colored offspring, though so quickly wiped away and discarded. The fart, therefore, is like the distant muffled crying whine of the deeply throated Turd, in its own way and in its own language signalling its soon arrival.

Wow, I laughed, cried, pondered, tried not to visualize and made a note not to let you borrow my tent.:p

taildragger
11-27-2007, 12:03
Farting can often be the first sign or first labor pains in the emergence of a newborn Turtlehead, and all care must accordingly be paid to the proper birthing technique and proper future-home hole placement of said Colon Lizard, especially when on a long backpacking trip. The closest a grown man comes to death without actually dying occurs between the fart and the birthing of a Young William, sometimes done in a tent on paper towels set aside just for this purpose(especially in winter, hopefully, ONLY in winter).

The emergence of a raging, hot and hostile Turtlehead is oftimes preceeded by a series of droning farts, signaling the soon arrival of the young newborn, it is nature's way to prepare a man to begin deep breathing, proper bung placement and to line up assistants if any are needed. Sadly, the fresh living turtlehead is immediately smothered and buried, but for a short time a man can develop quite a touching relationship to this perky off-colored offspring, though so quickly wiped away and discarded. The fart, therefore, is like the distant muffled crying whine of the deeply throated Turd, in its own way and in its own language signalling its soon arrival.

http://www.southparkzone.com/episodes/1109/More-Crap.html

Summit
11-27-2007, 12:17
This thread is nothing but a bunch of hot air! :D

TOW
11-27-2007, 12:47
Us fat people know how to pass wind....................whoooooosh!!!!

hopefulhiker
11-27-2007, 12:52
I have often wondered whether it is better to fart or to hold on an uphill.. Since much of the fart is lighter than air is there a "hot balloon effect" to help the hiker up the hill or is it better to fart freely??

The Weasel
11-27-2007, 13:03
Actually, pushing is a very critical skill for ultralight backpackers, at least those who want to heat their food while avoiding bringing an external, nonbiological stove. It involves not only the ability to provide a smooth flow of methane for the time necessary to adequately heat the food but also the ability to maintain the appropriate position beneath a grill stand for the pot. Most fart cookers try to avoid the need to boil water, since the length of time necessary to fully heat the water usually involves ingesting food/fuel, which is somewhat self-defeating (as well as difficult while kneeling unde the grill). As a result, it is most effective to simply heat an appropriate food/fuel item to an edible level of warmth. Canned beans seem to be an optimal such item, although any food cooked with rehydrated dried milk seems to be useful, as well.

TW

Deadeye
11-27-2007, 13:13
The key is to push and squeeze simultaneously, thus producing a long, drawn out note, without a brown blaze.

Footslogger
11-27-2007, 13:18
Just a caution though ...farting, whether push-assisted or not, while wearing rainpants can cause severe short term inflation and near blinding escape vapors.

'Slogger

The Weasel
11-27-2007, 13:45
The key is to push and squeeze simultaneously, thus producing a long, drawn out note, without a brown blaze.

Brown blazing is not an appropriate way to complete the Appalachian Trail. ATC Regulation 9.1(b)(3), subpart G, dealing with environmentally improper hiking standards, states that "Any hiker engaging in brown blazing will be denied issuance of the "Sanitary Thru Hiker" certificate."

TW

gold bond
11-27-2007, 14:23
Two bacon and chedder roast beef sandwiches with curley fries...two of us crammed in a Mnt Hdw PCT 2...cold and raining.....lets just say I was at my best that night and my wife used words that I never new exsisted!!!
We had to air out the bags the next day for sure!!

Creek Dancer
11-27-2007, 15:41
This thread stinks. :eek:

Dakota Dan
11-27-2007, 15:47
I do remember being so Hungry I was Farting Fresh Air. :D

gold bond
11-27-2007, 15:52
Better to burp and taste it than fart and waste it!

Johnny Thunder
11-27-2007, 16:01
Matthewski,

How do you dream up these epic threads?

I do my best thinking on the pot, you?

Johnny

Jim Adams
11-27-2007, 16:02
It you push while on a freeze dried diet...you best know what you're doing!!!

geek

Tin Man
11-27-2007, 16:05
It you push while on a freeze dried diet...you best know what you're doing!!

It's best not to push after eating dried apricots. Don't ask!

Chainsaw
11-27-2007, 16:10
Stay away from Pringles while perfecting fart control.

Lone Wolf
11-27-2007, 16:18
It's best not to push after eating dried apricots. Don't ask!

one time on Mt. Moosilauke i was takin' a break and ate a small bag of prunes and other stuff. started to hike on and barely in the treeline when my stomach started rumbling. no time to fart. i stepped 2 feet off the trail, yanked my drawers down and let fly with a major stream of liquid s**t! i coated everthing in sight. no burying that. i ain't eaten prunes since :) now i know why older folks eat them to aid thier bowel movement

Hungry
11-27-2007, 16:21
I little limerick for the group:

There once was a man from Bombay,
Who ate gallons of beans everyday.
He farted so loud,
He attracted a crowd,
But the smell made them all run away.

MOWGLI
11-27-2007, 16:32
one time on Mt. Moosilauke i was takin' a break and ate a small bag of prunes and other stuff. started to hike on and barely in the treeline when my stomach started rumbling. no time to fart. i stepped 2 feet off the trail, yanked my drawers down and let fly with a major stream of liquid s**t! i coated everthing in sight. no burying that. i ain't eaten prunes since :) now i know why older folks eat them to aid thier bowel movement

There once was a Marine from Camp Lejeune
Who decided to eat a dry prune
Then he climbed up a mountain
Til his arse became a fountain
Now he chides other for baring their moon

Tin Man
11-27-2007, 16:37
one time on Mt. Moosilauke i was takin' a break and ate a small bag of prunes and other stuff. started to hike on and barely in the treeline when my stomach started rumbling. no time to fart. i stepped 2 feet off the trail, yanked my drawers down and let fly with a major stream of liquid s**t! i coated everthing in sight. no burying that. i ain't eaten prunes since :) now i know why older folks eat them to aid thier bowel movement

Apricots, like prunes and other dried fruit, are good medicine when you are stuck. It helps to read the label on the bag. The warning says to each just a few, not the entire bag. Like you, I found out the hard way. :o

bigmac_in
11-27-2007, 17:31
This thread is demonstrates one of the reasons I love Whiteblaze.net -
you have to love the number of contributers to such an important topic. I'm surprised there aren't more stories about sharting - or is that another thread?

Ashman
11-27-2007, 17:37
Fear of Sharting is why you should never push IMHO

Tin Man
11-27-2007, 17:42
This thread is demonstrates one of the reasons I love Whiteblaze.net -
you have to love the number of contributers to such an important topic. I'm surprised there aren't more stories about sharting - or is that another thread?

Maybe the site should be renamed WhiteBlazingSaddles.net. :-?

STEVEM
11-27-2007, 17:46
Maybe the site should be renamed WhiteBlazingSaddles.net. :-?

Here you go: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_TVuAQui7SE

gaga
11-27-2007, 17:46
well i don`t know about another people, but i`m sure that after 1 month of trail food, if i `m gonna stay in one shelter and you can see the rats and mouse deserting the shelter and run in the woods all at once ...that means i`m about to fart :dance

A-Train
11-27-2007, 18:31
This thread is demonstrates one of the reasons I love Whiteblaze.net -
you have to love the number of contributers to such an important topic. I'm surprised there aren't more stories about sharting - or is that another thread?


Yes proof that you can pretty much start a thread on anything and people will contribute. Unbelievable that over 30 people have commented on pushing out farts and that over 70 responded to LW finding a deer on his lawn in the middle of the night.

wrongway_08
11-27-2007, 18:39
HHmmm, doesnt look like the ladies have an opinion on this matter?

wakapak
11-27-2007, 18:57
what? no ladies have joined in yet? Let me be the first! :)

If you feel one comin' let it rip, otherwise it'll stink up your insides! As far as pushing though...that can be dangerouse business as others have said!!

I definitely had my share of it all on the trail! And I too, learned the lessons of too much dried fruit while hiking!!

Skidsteer
11-27-2007, 19:02
HHmmm, doesnt look like the ladies have an opinion on this matter?


what? no ladies have joined in yet? Let me be the first! :)

If you feel one comin' let it rip, otherwise it'll stink up your insides! As far as pushing though...that can be dangerouse business as others have said!!

I definitely had my share of it all on the trail! And I too, learned the lessons of too much dried fruit while hiking!!

Creek Dancer was the first in this thread but I strongly suspect most ladies have an opinion on the matter. :rolleyes:

wakapak
11-27-2007, 19:08
oh well, my mistake on that one! Thought I'd join in the fun anyway! :)

wudhipy
11-27-2007, 19:10
:-? at what point of duration can this violate leave no trace guidelines?

Skidsteer
11-27-2007, 19:12
oh well, my mistake on that one! Thought I'd join in the fun anyway! :)

Fuhgetaboutit.

FWIW, I'm a non-pusher that backslides occasionally.

taildragger
11-27-2007, 19:12
:-? at what point of duration can this violate leave no trace guidelines?

When you start being followed by Exxon Mobil petrophysicists who are trying to decide whether or not it would be profitable to "harvest" your "natural" gas.

wrongway_08
11-27-2007, 19:12
oh well, my mistake on that one! Thought I'd join in the fun anyway! :)

Naa, looks like I goofed, sorry :)

Skidsteer
11-27-2007, 19:13
:-? at what point of duration can this violate leave no trace guidelines?

When it causes damage to adjacent vegetation.

Skidsteer
11-27-2007, 19:15
When it causes damage to adjacent vegetation.

...Or gets you kicked out of a two-man tent in a rainstorm.

wudhipy
11-27-2007, 19:17
:banana guilty on both counts

camojack
11-27-2007, 19:20
cause it seems like hikers revere volume. is it the food? or are they trying to compete in some way?

forced burping? same question.
Always happy to do my part to contribute to the dreaded "Global Warming". :D

But seriously, forcing flatulence may result in "brown blazing", as others have already mentioned...whereas forced burping will not.

However, I suppose that if you force a burp with sufficient vigor, you might just throw up... :eek:

Tin Man
11-27-2007, 19:28
:-? at what point of duration can this violate leave no trace guidelines?

When other hikers start mooning you like they do the Cog.

fehchet
11-27-2007, 19:31
What did one burp say to another burp?
"Let's be stinkers and go out the other end."

fehchet
11-27-2007, 19:32
If you smelt it you delt it.

fehchet
11-27-2007, 19:33
Sometimes sneezing negates the need to fart while producing a brown blaze.

Skidsteer
11-27-2007, 19:54
Sometimes sneezing negates the need to fart while producing a brown blaze.

And may reduce your total height by up to an inch.

Compression, don't you know.

CaseyB
11-27-2007, 20:12
Sharting AKA "The Gambler".......you got to know when to hold 'em

RadioFreq
11-27-2007, 20:17
well i don`t know about another people, but i`m sure that after 1 month of trail food, if i `m gonna stay in one shelter and you can see the rats and mouse deserting the shelter and run in the woods all at once ...that means i`m about to fart :dance

Hmmmmm....so rats and mice can tell if you are going to fart in much the same way some animals can sense an impending earthquake? This sounds like it needs more study. But where would one go to get at grant? :-?

Chicken Feathers
11-27-2007, 20:21
Yesterday I farted the longest continuous flatulence of my life. It was like I was breathing in my mouth and out my butt. No push, just lots of dairy. No volume, just power.

A fart is a burp that did not make it over the hill:banana

Chicken Feathers
11-27-2007, 20:22
Hmmmmm....so rats and mice can tell if you are going to fart in much the same way some animals can sense an impending earthquake? This sounds like it needs more study. But where would one go to get at grant? :-?
Have you tried the Sierra Club?:-?

Heater
11-27-2007, 21:13
That's why I prefer hiking with midgets. Their farts are smaller and less smelly.

The drawback for them is when they hike directly behind me and I fart.
They really hate that and usually offer to take the lead.
I make up for it when it is time to ford the Kennebec.
I am cool that way. :cool:

bigmac_in
11-27-2007, 21:18
I love it that this thread is still going - we all need lives. Or actually we should all be out hiking.....without emissions.

Jim Adams
11-27-2007, 21:34
In 1987 we were on a canoe trip in Canada and ate some freeze dried "Mountain Chili" for supper. The freeze dried onions in that mix gave all of us the worst gas that any of us had ever dealt with.
Well, bed time came and my girlfriend and I got into out tent and could barely stand the stench. Suddenly my son and my best friend who were staying in a TNF Mountain tent began laughing uncontrollably and insisted that we come outside.
They were inside the tent, farting heavily but had their heads sticking out of the snow tunnel openings on pillows.
We couldn't stop laughing for about 30 minutes.

geek

Tipi Walter
11-27-2007, 21:54
In 1987 we were on a canoe trip in Canada and ate some freeze dried "Mountain Chili" for supper. The freeze dried onions in that mix gave all of us the worst gas that any of us had ever dealt with.
Well, bed time came and my girlfriend and I got into out tent and could barely stand the stench. Suddenly my son and my best friend who were staying in a TNF Mountain tent began laughing uncontrollably and insisted that we come outside.
They were inside the tent, farting heavily but had their heads sticking out of the snow tunnel openings on pillows.
We couldn't stop laughing for about 30 minutes.

geek

Has anyone had the Giardia Grabfest? It's when your backpacking doubled over from the cramps and the hipbelt is too tight . . . can't breath . . . bad pain . . . rumbling colon . . . gotta fart . . . but wait! . . . dump pack, drop pants . . . Dairy Queen/Pancake Batter . . . no time to dig a hole . . . phew, back away quickly . . . feel cold and clammy . . . gotta keep hiking. Happened in the Conehead Forest.

Tin Man
11-27-2007, 22:50
I love it that this thread is still going - we all need lives.

No doubt about it.


Or actually we should all be out hiking..

Can't argue with that.


...without emissions.

Impossible, I say! At least until they invent a cleaner burning fuel to give one the needed calories to get up and over the next mountain. :)

Frolicking Dinosaurs
11-27-2007, 23:00
Impossible, I say! At least until they invent a cleaner burning fuel to give one the needed calories to get up and over the next mountain. :)TinMan is jet powered - Who knew? :D

Tin Man
11-27-2007, 23:03
TinMan is jet powered - Who knew? :D

I need all the help I can get to make it over the next mountain. I am not a light-weight...hiker...or...never mind...

wakapak
11-27-2007, 23:49
Has anyone had the Giardia Grabfest? It's when your backpacking doubled over from the cramps and the hipbelt is too tight . . . can't breath . . . bad pain . . . rumbling colon . . . gotta fart . . . but wait! . . . dump pack, drop pants . . . Dairy Queen/Pancake Batter . . . no time to dig a hole . . . phew, back away quickly . . . feel cold and clammy . . . gotta keep hiking. Happened in the Conehead Forest

not the Giardia Grabfest, but I did have the dreaded Catawba Illness in 99 on the trail....I do my best to forget about it, but every once in awhile that awful 48hrs comes back to haunt me!! I never knew until then how much bodily fluid could come out of one human being....YUCK!!

Tipi Walter
11-28-2007, 00:43
not the Giardia Grabfest, but I did have the dreaded Catawba Illness in 99 on the trail....I do my best to forget about it, but every once in awhile that awful 48hrs comes back to haunt me!! I never knew until then how much bodily fluid could come out of one human being....YUCK!!

The Catawba Illness reminds me of the Mt Rogers Retch Upon and Blowhole Reach Around. It happens when you drink foul cow water on the way up the mountain and start feeling queasy about the time your tent's up on a cold bald near Grayson Highlands. Various gods are intoned to no avail, a sleepless night ensues with projectile vomitus and piehole efflugent. An imaginary Robert Duvall off to the side says, "Keep his head by the tent door, boys, here comes another load!"

The long night was sleepless, of course, dehydration levels high, very high . . . gotta try to sleep . . . bad feelings . . . here it comes again . . .

In the morning there's a 12 mile hike out and at every passing spring I drink liters and liters of the refreshing liquid. So thirsty.

wakapak
11-28-2007, 06:54
The Catawba Illness reminds me of the Mt Rogers Retch Upon and Blowhole Reach Around. It happens when you drink foul cow water on the way up the mountain and start feeling queasy about the time your tent's up on a cold bald near Grayson Highlands. Various gods are intoned to no avail, a sleepless night ensues with projectile vomitus and piehole efflugent. An imaginary Robert Duvall off to the side says, "Keep his head by the tent door, boys, here comes another load!"

The long night was sleepless, of course, dehydration levels high, very high . . . gotta try to sleep . . . bad feelings . . . here it comes again . . .

In the morning there's a 12 mile hike out and at every passing spring I drink liters and liters of the refreshing liquid. So thirsty.

LOL! That about sums it up, except for me I do believe my bad water source was someone's well water during a high drought season in 99.....seems as though their septic system had leeched into their well water system with the low water levels....who woulda thought that one!?!?
At least for me, I had made it to the trouville/daleville interchange and was in a hotel room at the time of the vomiting and err, other happenings! What wasn't a pretty sight was 3 of us trying to share one bathroom as we were all inflicted by the fecal coliform swarming water....

I'll tell you what, i spent a few dehydrated days after that incident! Made me really skeptical of any water source!!

gold bond
11-28-2007, 14:14
One time in the Phillipines when I was out in town I could not get my belt to loosen, damn military belts, and after a real good dose of malaria meds and San Miguel I had to take a knife and cut the backside out of my pants! Did what I had to do and went on into a store, no backside in my britches and all, to buy another pair of pants!

Tipi Walter
11-28-2007, 16:36
One time in the Phillipines when I was out in town I could not get my belt to loosen, damn military belts, and after a real good dose of malaria meds and San Miguel I had to take a knife and cut the backside out of my pants! Did what I had to do and went on into a store, no backside in my britches and all, to buy another pair of pants!

When you said "after a real good dose of San Miquel" good god I thought you grabbed the knife and did a frontal turdectomy thru the descending colon! Just the pants? That's still pretty rough. I won't go into my 2 years in Panama/Bogota where I got the running squirts and the military Mayhems . . . look! an open air food market in Bogota! . . . look! some cheese hanging on a hook . . . umm, good cheese . . . godhelpmeforIhavesinned . . . makethepaingoaway . . . cramps . . . blowhole carnival . . .

gold bond
11-28-2007, 16:42
When you said "after a real good dose of San Miquel" good god I thought you grabbed the knife and did a frontal turdectomy thru the descending colon! Just the pants? That's still pretty rough. I won't go into my 2 years in Panama/Bogota where I got the running squirts and the military Mayhems . . . look! an open air food market in Bogota! . . . look! some cheese hanging on a hook . . . umm, good cheese . . . godhelpmeforIhavesinned . . . makethepaingoaway . . . cramps . . . blowhole carnival . . .

I swear it was one of those "back alley" bathromms and when I got done things that I'm not sure what they really were were dead as door nails! Probably thought they'd been nuked!!

RadioFreq
11-29-2007, 12:16
One time in the Phillipines when I was out in town I could not get my belt to loosen, damn military belts, and after a real good dose of malaria meds and San Miguel I had to take a knife and cut the backside out of my pants! Did what I had to do and went on into a store, no backside in my britches and all, to buy another pair of pants!

At least you didn't have to buy a new jet. :eek:

http://www.metacafe.com/watch/881033/amazing_scene/

c.coyle
11-29-2007, 21:43
You know someone's a real friend when you feel comfortable farting in their presence.

Tin Man
11-29-2007, 21:48
You know someone's a real friend when you feel comfortable farting in there presence.

You mean without asking? I am pretty sure that this procedure falls under the "ask if anyone minds" before doing ATC guidelines.

c.coyle
11-29-2007, 22:48
You mean without asking? I am pretty sure that this procedure falls under the "ask if anyone minds" before doing ATC guidelines.

Yeah. Without asking.

Grandma
11-29-2007, 23:00
Just be careful.

When you're climbing up a ladder, and you hear something splatter, diarrhea.:eek:

Miss Janet
11-30-2007, 13:31
Four pages of posts about flatulence... I had to drop in and see what you guys were finding so funny!! AMAZING!

taildragger
11-30-2007, 13:34
Every now and then I've pushed and had to do the quick squeeze trot down the hallway to the john.

Tipi Walter
11-30-2007, 15:48
Four pages of posts about flatulence... I had to drop in and see what you guys were finding so funny!! AMAZING!

We've taken it way beyond simple flatulence.

taildragger
11-30-2007, 15:52
We've taken it way beyond simple flatulence.

At least we haven't gotten to detailed on how one should dig a proper cathole (or foxhole if you've been pruning) in order to protect yourself from the shrapnel of the deadly ordinances :eek:

Tipi Walter
11-30-2007, 16:05
At least we haven't gotten to detailed on how one should dig a proper cathole (or foxhole if you've been pruning) in order to protect yourself from the shrapnel of the deadly ordinances :eek:

What!? A proper cathole?? And offer people here a chance to actually learn something? Never happen.

And speaking of the Squatting Blowbacks, there's a good chance most backpackers here will eventually soil and befoul their untied boot laces with stool as I did one early winter evening squatting over a cat hole, but that's another story for another time . . .

taildragger
11-30-2007, 16:36
If one properly pushes a fart near an unsuspecting hiker who is cooking, fantastic results can be had...

2714

cowboy nichols
11-30-2007, 17:02
Maybe someone could start a new thread "proper cathole procedure" LOL

dessertrat
11-30-2007, 17:03
How the heck did this thing make it so far? You guys will talk about anything.

Johnny Thunder
11-30-2007, 17:12
How the heck did this thing make it so far? You guys will talk about anything.


Honestly, it's Matthewski's doing.

There's something Zen with that Murda'City Motor-Mouth.

Yet, his verse is catchy like one of those internet-lol-cats.

jlb2012
11-30-2007, 17:16
How the heck did this thing make it so far? You guys will talk about anything.

well we have not yet gotten into CEP nor footprint of the blast pattern that results from highly urgent launches

Tin Man
11-30-2007, 17:23
well we have not yet gotten into CEP nor footprint of the blast pattern that results from highly urgent launches

I think it might be time for thread lock. Who is around that can help?

taildragger
11-30-2007, 18:22
I think it might be time for thread lock. Who is around that can help?

Why would this thread need to be locked?

If anything we need to know what is the max flow rate in CFM that we can attain while pushing without a Joule Thomson effect causing the heavier ends in the gas to drop out and become liquids.

I feel that this is very pertinent information and that a full fledge study by the ALDHA is in order. I've had to stop looking for a kilt to wear hiking due to the fear of accidentally mooning the cog if I push a fart too hard.

Tipi Walter
11-30-2007, 20:12
Why would this thread need to be locked?

If anything we need to know what is the max flow rate in CFM that we can attain while pushing without a Joule Thomson effect causing the heavier ends in the gas to drop out and become liquids.

I feel that this is very pertinent information and that a full fledge study by the ALDHA is in order. I've had to stop looking for a kilt to wear hiking due to the fear of accidentally mooning the cog if I push a fart too hard.

Yes, you can't lock it down right now because monitoring flow output is important and one of the reasons, the only reason, I take a brass pitot gauge with me on backpacking trips. Though heavy at 8 pounds, I find the pitot gauge to be necessary, one of the Ten Essentials, and use it to gauge and adjust various bodily stream jets, etc. I hope no newbies are reading this as using a pitot without proper training can result in accidental mooning.

Thank you taildragger, for allowing this thread to drift in another direction and yet in a very important, new direction.

saimyoji
11-30-2007, 20:51
Yes, you can't lock it down right now because monitoring flow output is important and one of the reasons, the only reason, I take a brass pitot gauge with me on backpacking trips. Though heavy at 8 pounds, I find the pitot gauge to be necessary, one of the Ten Essentials, and use it to gauge and adjust various bodily stream jets, etc. I hope no newbies are reading this as using a pitot without proper training can result in accidental mooning.

Thank you taildragger, for allowing this thread to drift in another direction and yet in a very important, new direction.


Is viscosity a major concern? I'm a relative newb to this facet of hiking.

Skidsteer
11-30-2007, 21:07
Is viscosity a major concern? I'm a relative newb to this facet of hiking.

Most definitely if you're running low on T.P.

Frolicking Dinosaurs
11-30-2007, 21:08
:eek::eek: You guys will discuss anything :eek::eek:

Skidsteer
11-30-2007, 21:17
:eek::eek: You guys will discuss anything :eek::eek:

Ever eat too much Raisin Bran?

It's like velcro flubber.

:D

taildragger
11-30-2007, 21:34
Is viscosity a major concern? I'm a relative newb to this facet of hiking.

Yes yes yes, viscosity is a problem, especially when we're talking about liquids. To viscous and you're TP will need to be switched to contractor grade 3 ml thickness. Contractors apparently eat a similiar diet of fatty foods and beer, consequently they have very similiar problems when it comes to pushing.

Personally, for me, its more of a problem with composition. After an unfortunate incident in 1995 I found that I naturally produce condensate http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_gas_condensate (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Natural_gas_condensate)
and thus I live in fear of another JT, so much so that I have equipped pressure safety valves to a kilt, which will force me to flatulate before a pressure buildup could ever reach the critical flowrate required to get the JT effect.

Frolicking Dinosaurs
11-30-2007, 21:39
Ever eat too much Raisin Bran?

It's like velcro flubber.

:D::: Dino recalls eating large bowl of whole wheat Total and runs screaming from thread :::

Tipi Walter
11-30-2007, 21:49
Is viscosity a major concern? I'm a relative newb to this facet of hiking.

And I agree with saimyoji, high viscosity can definitely compromise correct pitot readings, so you'll need a FlowHole Viscosity Meter along with the pitot gauge(another one of my Ten Essentials, etc).

If all of your readings turn out to be correct, and the bung ventilators are working properly, it may actually be time to offgas and prepare a trench for the emerging . . . condensate. But remember! When laying pipe in the wilderness, always leave room for the caribou to pass! Ha Ha

PS You posed some interesting problems, taildragger, on the kilt safety valves in regards to critical flowrate(and the JT effect). May I PM you later about this?

warraghiyagey
11-30-2007, 21:49
::: Dino recalls eating large bowl of whole wheat Total and runs screaming from thread :::

I ate a whole box of Boo Berry once. In about two hours. Ummm. . . the dye doesn't seem to break down during digestion. But everything else in your system does. EEEEEeeeeekk!

Skidsteer
11-30-2007, 22:09
I ate a whole box of Boo Berry once. In about two hours. Ummm. . . the dye doesn't seem to break down during digestion. But everything else in your system does. EEEEEeeeeekk!

Yeah that's one of those "Get-closer-to-the-Great-Spirit-and-promise-never-to-do-it-again moments".

warraghiyagey
11-30-2007, 22:12
Yeah that's one of those "Get-closer-to-the-Great-Spirit-and-promise-never-to-do-it-again moments".

Well said. :) :) Of course I've never had that problem with FrankenBerry. The Great Spritit works in mysterious ways.

EWS
12-01-2007, 00:56
This thread reminded me of my favorite post on whiteblaze:


Interesting article I came across on Craigs List:

"DO NOT EAT PRINGLES FAT FREE POTATO CHIPS. THEY
WILL GREASE YOU’RE ASS.

Don't even ******ing say a word. I like potato chips, and can't eat them very much or I'll get fat. I tried out these Pringles Fat-Free chips because they were super low-cal. BBQ flavor. the ******. The can said they had 70 calories per serving, which meant the whole can had 490 calories inside total. I could munch through a can in a day with my lunch, dinner, etc. So I got several cans, and began enjoying one a day for the past four days. But what they dont ******ing tell you...Except in tiny print you cant read without a ******ing electron microscope...is that the primary ingredient is something called "olean" which I have since learned is Latin for "Unwashable & Indestructible Ass Grease." Oh Yeah. I'm not even kidding. So today, while I'm standing in the living room debating whether or not Laundry or Dishes will get done first, I get the urge to fart. I live alone, so sweet. I let the honk loose and its wrong. Something just sounded wrong. I know my own wind, and I have never farted a sound that sounded like a fart wrapped in a pillow. Oh yes, something was very wrong. I had just shat myself. But this evil olean makes ********** yourself sound almost like a regular fart, and had I not been particularly attentive, it could easily have gone unnoticed, I'm telling you. THAT's how utterly covert and evil this olean stuff is. What the ******?! What if I'd gone out to hang with friends or gone for a drive, what then? So I walk carefully to the bathroom and disrobe. before I even sit on the toilet, I wad paper and carefully wipe from the front. Sure enough, it was light brown, and had the texture of soft spackle. You ******ing Pringle bastards.
I sat down and pushed a bit, and lo, out came a jet that I didnt even feel an urge for one minute earlier. It piled in the bowl like brown marshmallow fluff. The problem rose when I tried to wipe. I went through a whole ******ing roll of TP and could not get it all off me. So. I jumped in the shower. Yep, its gross, but it had to be done. There I stood, water pouring down, cheeks
spread, and using my own hand to make certain I'm clean. That was when I discovered that after using my hand to wipe myself (before I soaped the area) my hand came back covered in some sort of transparent grease. It was so ******ing foul. The grease made water bead off my hand. It was tacky too, and very difficult to manage. So I grabbed the bar of soap and went to work. You ******ing Pringle bastards. The bar of soap came away coated in grease as well, and would no longer wash. I had to turn the water to hot and massage the soap for five minutes to get it to the point where I could use it again. It took me an hour to get the ******ing grease off my pucker. I shudder to think of what its doing INSIDE ME right now, but I will damned sure never eat that ***** again. ******ing Pringle bastards. This is where the joke about "anal leakage" came from. its real. ****** Pringles."

Marta
12-01-2007, 07:47
It's a good thing my mother doesn't know about Whiteblaze. She thinks hiking is bad for me...but she has no idea...

Frolicking Dinosaurs
12-01-2007, 07:52
::: Dino seen turning pale and quivering as she recalls a box of sugar-free chocolates. Sugar alcohols are even more evil than Olean :::

Ashman
12-01-2007, 11:00
Or the sugar free chocolate (Warning excessive consumption may have a laxative effect) So they take chocolate exlax a repackage it as candy! Don't eat a whole bag of that stuff!

taildragger
12-01-2007, 14:46
EWS, I don't think that I have ever laughed so hard at something that I've read on whiteblaze before...

wrongway_08
12-01-2007, 20:48
:) My sides hurt, this is some important yet Funny Shizzyat :) .

Tipi Walter
12-01-2007, 20:59
How the heck did this thing make it so far? You guys will talk about anything.

This short quote is the one that made me laugh the hardest, actually made my eyes water.

Frolicking Dinosaurs
12-01-2007, 21:12
I would like to report to the Sharting Police that the entire stealth camping thread is a giant shart. That is all.

EWS
12-02-2007, 00:21
The tent police are going to be most displeased with you smearing such a dire matter.

Cosmo Rules
12-02-2007, 11:39
What's that smell?

Hooch
12-02-2007, 12:00
Dunno what it is about hiking, which, for the record, I love so much. But everytime I hike more than a couple miles, I become flatulence central. Anyone who has hiked with me on any hike longer than a couple miles knows TO NEVER, EVER hike behind me. :D

YeOldeBackpacker
12-02-2007, 14:14
If you think a tent or a sleeping bag can smell foul, try kayaking sometime, you know there is that thing called a sprayskirt that goes around your body and attaches to the kayak to give you a watertight seal,never,I repeat never stop at Truck stop, get yourself a good olde fashioned western omlet with an exta order of homefries, and then go kayaking for the rest of the afternoon words alone cannot describe what it is like to remove this watertight,seal that has contained every fart of the day into one large mass of foul smelling air lurking inside your boat just waiting to escape!!
It is rather amazing watching the faces of the innocent bystanders on the shore when you decide to exit you boat!!

warraghiyagey
12-02-2007, 15:03
I would like to report to the Sharting Police that the entire stealth camping thread is a giant shart. That is all.

:) :) :) :) . . . .

Hooch
12-03-2007, 05:12
Or the sugar free chocolate (Warning excessive consumption may have a laxative effect) Well yeah, it typically has sorbitol in it. Not a good choice to consume if you DON'T want to go poop.

Frolicking Dinosaurs
12-03-2007, 08:11
If you think a tent or a sleeping bag can smell foul, try kayaking sometime, you know there is that thing called a sprayskirt that goes around your body and attaches to the kayak to give you a watertight seal,never,I repeat never stop at Truck stop, get yourself a good olde fashioned western omlet with an exta order of homefries, and then go kayaking for the rest of the afternoon words alone cannot describe what it is like to remove this watertight,seal that has contained every fart of the day into one large mass of foul smelling air lurking inside your boat just waiting to escape!!
It is rather amazing watching the faces of the innocent bystanders on the shore when you decide to exit you boat!!I was buoyed by this post :D
Someone had to say it

RockyBob
12-03-2007, 13:16
Or the sugar free chocolate (Warning excessive consumption may have a laxative effect) So they take chocolate exlax a repackage it as candy! Don't eat a whole bag of that stuff!


Made that mistake with "No sugar added" Ice Cream. Spent the whole night in the sh***er :eek:

Tin Man
12-03-2007, 13:21
Getting back to the whole "do you push" question, some of these threads make me want to push to punctuate a comment at the appropriate time instead of using one of the smilies. :cool:

taildragger
12-03-2007, 13:33
Getting back to the whole "do you push" question, some of these threads make me want to push to punctuate a comment at the appropriate time instead of using one of the smilies. :cool:

But do you :D, or :banana, when you push to fart?

Tin Man
12-03-2007, 13:34
But do you :D, or :banana, when you push to fart?

Depends on the audience. ;)

gaga
12-03-2007, 14:56
don't push! forcing it to hard might rupture a blood vessel in the brain, or pop out a hemorrhoid (not in the brain) ;)

Thoughtful Owl
12-03-2007, 15:01
don't push! forcing it to hard might rupture a blood vessel in the brain, or pop out a hemorrhoid (not in the brain) ;)

I don't know, some of these comments would lead me to believe some authors have hemorrhoids for brains:-?

gold bond
12-03-2007, 15:21
How 'bout draft beer, picled eggs in hot sauce with a piesce of hoop cheese. Stayed around for about two whole days. My wife was gonna make me move out after that weekend!!

rocketsocks
05-29-2012, 07:36
don't push! forcing it to hard might rupture a blood vessel in the brain, or pop out a hemorrhoid (not in the brain) ;)If this should happen just put a rubber band around you neck,and eventually it will fall off.

Supreme Being
05-29-2012, 12:37
Seriously? Are you guys in junior high school or what? I seldom post but get a lot of information on here for me and girlfriend. Posts like this make you all look like jacka$$es. And Walters you may have a lot of information but I have never Read a journal where a guy had to talk about birthing a turtle in every god damn page. Get over it man. We all do it. but it isn't necessary to have to read about it.

rocketsocks
05-29-2012, 20:51
Seriously? Are you guys in junior high school or what? I seldom post but get a lot of information on here for me and girlfriend. Posts like this make you all look like jacka$$es. And Walters you may have a lot of information but I have never Read a journal where a guy had to talk about birthing a turtle in every god damn page. Get over it man. We all do it. but it isn't necessary to have to read about it. Oh Bite me ya Stiff:p

Capt Nat
05-29-2012, 22:50
Mr. Rocketsocks, I can't believe you just said that to the "Supreme Being"!!!

In trying to bring this back to useful information, I ate some peppers once that were so hot that the farts were self igniting...

shelb
05-29-2012, 23:09
Humor...it takes all forms: black humor ( to relieve stress), silly humor, sarcastic humor (from a pessimistic personality), satirical humor (our of an insecure need to mock others), and bathroom humor (from the desire to just cut loose). Each has its place and proper local to exhibit. This post had the perfect title. Anyone not humored by this topic should not be reading it.

rocketsocks
05-29-2012, 23:16
Mr. Rocketsocks, I can't believe you just said that to the "Supreme Being"!!!

In trying to bring this back to useful information, I ate some peppers once that were so hot that the farts were self igniting...Stop,Drop,and Roll......all over your partner,you can thank me later.hehe

When I was a kid,this was called a "Steam Roller"!got rolled many a time

rocketsocks
05-29-2012, 23:21
Humor...it takes all forms: black humor ( to relieve stress), silly humor, sarcastic humor (from a pessimistic personality), satirical humor (our of an insecure need to mock others), and bathroom humor (from the desire to just cut loose). Each has its place and proper local to exhibit. This post had the perfect title. Anyone not humored by this topic should not be reading it.I do strive to nurture the satirical side of humor,but just can't get it up for those damn pushey Politicians,and am reminded of this each time I Drop the kids off at the Pool.hehe..he

Tinker
05-30-2012, 00:03
Seriously? Are you guys in junior high school or what? I seldom post but get a lot of information on here for me and girlfriend. Posts like this make you all look like jacka$$es. And Walters you may have a lot of information but I have never Read a journal where a guy had to talk about birthing a turtle in every god damn page. Get over it man. We all do it. but it isn't necessary to have to read about it.

(Needs a good plate of Supreme Beans) ;)

Old Hillwalker
05-30-2012, 07:27
"Seriously? Are you guys in junior high school or what? I seldom post but get a lot of information on here for me and girlfriend. Posts like this make you all look like jacka$$es. And Walters you may have a lot of information but I have never Read a journal where a guy had to talk about birthing a turtle in every god damn page. Get over it man. We all do it. but it isn't necessary to have to read about it."

Interesting that you "seldom post". It's quite clear to me that your post is #2.

Panzer1
05-30-2012, 21:07
I talkd to Matty today. He said the reason why he started this thread was to see how many silly people would respond.. lol
Panzer

rocketsocks
05-30-2012, 21:25
I talkd to Matty today. He said the reason why he started this thread was to see how many silly people would respond.. lol
PanzerOh,silly we got coverd,in spades!