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rafe
01-08-2008, 00:34
I'm thinking of taking one of these

http://www.gwu.edu/%7Ensarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB162/little-boy-model.jpg

... on my next hike. :rolleyes: It's only 18 or 19 kilotons. I'm thinking I might need a bit more stopping power, though. :-?

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 00:37
Dude, that IS a sweet set-up. It put's my laser tracking flame thrower to shame.
Just the same I'm packin that baby in in hopes of getting a chance to scorch some sumbeeyotch as I see fitn.

4eyedbuzzard
01-08-2008, 00:40
Ya just gotta love the sunsets on the AT:

http://www.pa.msu.edu/~yang/NuclearBomb.jpg

doggiebag
01-08-2008, 00:40
I like old school.
http://rk19-bielefeld-mitte.de/survival/FM/_graphics/fig12-01.gif

Appalachian Tater
01-08-2008, 00:41
http://www.globalsecurity.org/wmd/systems/images/mk6.jpg

I prefer something more modern, much lighter and more compact. I made my own stand for it.

4eyedbuzzard
01-08-2008, 00:49
Nuclear is old school
I'm going anti-matter
Spock turned pacifist so I borrowed this

http://www.tk560.com/midgradephaser.jpg

Tin Man
01-08-2008, 00:49
I like old school.
http://rk19-bielefeld-mitte.de/survival/FM/_graphics/fig12-01.gif

Note to self: Print this out for reference to construct only viable weapons after nuclear winter.

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 01:06
http://www.a2armory.com/images/axes-pics/MedievalHalberd.jpg
Deflects any bullet (usually by bisecting with a swift cross-thrust) from a wannabe 'weapon weilder.'
Also useful for taming the weiner compensators by slashing from shoulder to femoral artery.
Helps keep the 'heat packers' from over-poopulating their ecosystem.
Oh. . . and a handy little walking stick.

rafe
01-08-2008, 01:08
Wargy, what part of nucular don't you understand?

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 01:10
Wargy, what part of nucular don't you understand?
Umm. . . I've kind of gotten confused at the meaning by trying to decipher every time our 'commando in chief' says it.

doggiebag
01-08-2008, 01:18
Ok ... you folks are a little advanced by a couple of thousand years. I'm trying to catch up here.
http://rk19-bielefeld-mitte.de/survival/FM/_graphics/fig12-02.gif

Tin Man
01-08-2008, 01:19
I could say beam me up Scotty, but I am sure the time-warped Kirk cruise mobile has no more room and is full of species that are extinct in the 22nd century. In addition to the humpback whales, I am sure Kirk's clan picked up some of the following:


AT shelter mice, extinct since the first thru-hiker to own a phaser disintegrated all the shelters.

AT thru-hikers, extinct since the first transporters were installed on Springer and Katahdin. (Obviously, phasers came first.)

AT section-hikers, extinct since trail towns installed deflector shields to keep them out after they started destroying food replicators at merchants who refused to stock ramen, gorp and beer.

AT speed hikers, extinct since transporter racing was declared unsafe after a speed hiker jammed a leki pole in his opponent's transporter controls.

AT pack sniffers, extinct since holodecks changed keyboard hiking into realistic simulations.

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 01:19
http://www.a2armory.com/images/weapons/giantblackmaceclubthmb.jpg (http://www.a2armory.com/weapons/giantblackmaceclub.htm)

Laced with enriched Uranium and blasting caps!!

berninbush
01-08-2008, 01:26
I want to take the Q-Bomb (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_mouse_that_roared).

Size of a football for easy portability, and powerful enough to wipe out the entire Appalachian Mountains in one blow. :banana

rafe
01-08-2008, 01:31
Mike Huckabee says its OK !!!!

http://www.firstpulseprojects.net/bombproject/word_of_god.jpeg

doggiebag
01-08-2008, 01:42
I'm up to projectile weapons.
3033

STEVEM
01-08-2008, 01:54
Note, this is the humor forum. Discussion here should be limited to nuclear weapons only! Discussion of weapons and devices on a non-nuclear nature is not permitted. Debate for or against nuclear weapons is not related to the question. (Moderators, please be strict in deleting off-topic posts)

jrwiesz
01-08-2008, 02:04
Note, this is the humor forum. Discussion here should be limited to nuclear weapons only! Discussion of weapons and devices on a non-nuclear nature is not permitted. Debate for or against nuclear weapons is not related to the question. (Moderators, please be strict in deleting off-topic posts)
Git-R-Dun!:D

camojack
01-08-2008, 02:07
I'm thinking of taking one of these

http://www.gwu.edu/%7Ensarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB162/little-boy-model.jpg

... on my next hike. :rolleyes: It's only 18 or 19 kilotons. I'm thinking I might need a bit more stopping power, though. :-?
Not very practical for hiking. What you need is a "backpack nuke (http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Science/2001/12/20/backpack_nukes_small_but_deadly/3875/)"... ;)

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 02:07
Note, this is the humor forum. Discussion here should be limited to nuclear weapons only! Discussion of weapons and devices on a non-nuclear nature is not permitted. Debate for or against nuclear weapons is not related to the question. (Moderators, please be strict in deleting off-topic posts)
What about nookyaler weapons? Can we talk about those.
Noookyaler. . . . nooooooookyaler

Jimmers
01-08-2008, 02:14
Well, I'm a gentle sort by nature, so I prefer a more defensive approach. Like this (click to enlarge)3036

This thing will stop an elephant gun or a Grizzly, and I hear he's developed a new version with a NBC system built in. And so light at only 40 pounds!

doggiebag
01-08-2008, 02:14
Note, this is the humor forum. Discussion here should be limited to nuclear weapons only! Discussion of weapons and devices on a non-nuclear nature is not permitted. Debate for or against nuclear weapons is not related to the question. (Moderators, please be strict in deleting off-topic posts)
This is a an open exchange forum which has far deeper reaching implications than simple netiquette. The opinions expressed with regards to each individals weapon of choice is a valuable resource for all hikers past, present and those not born yet - though existing in another dimension of time. It is rather elitist to infer that there's only one way to do in the entire species. "War your own War" as we all say.

Regards

kayak karl
01-08-2008, 05:17
I'm thinking of taking one of these

http://www.gwu.edu/%7Ensarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB162/little-boy-model.jpg

... on my next hike. :rolleyes: It's only 18 or 19 kilotons. I'm thinking I might need a bit more stopping power, though. :-?
OK Dr. Strangelove, how do u plan on getting it to the target?

i have a suggestion;
http://www.flickr.com/photos/electrasteph/2051198199/:-? (http://www.flickr.com/photos/electrasteph/2051198199/)

zoidfu
01-08-2008, 05:21
Just be careful about what you say on here. You wouldn't want rumor and inuendo about WMDs to earn you a visit by our Chimperor and his Imperial army, would you?

Frolicking Dinosaurs
01-08-2008, 07:10
Given most of the hikers I've seen and my own funk post-trail, I'm thinking a dirty bomb is in order. Maybe a blasting cap, some nuke material I could use to cook, warm my tent or hammock, charge my MP3 and headlamp (gotta be multi-use to get in my pack :D) and use local materials (rocks) as filler. My cooking pot could be reworked to form the outer container.

rafe
01-08-2008, 08:06
Not very practical for hiking. What you need is a "backpack nuke (http://www.upi.com/NewsTrack/Science/2001/12/20/backpack_nukes_small_but_deadly/3875/)"... ;)

But no pictures. I think maybe they're mythical. Like unicorns.

doggiebag
01-08-2008, 08:10
But no pictures. I think maybe they're mythical. Like unicorns.
A liger ... It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.

rafe
01-08-2008, 08:18
OK Dr. Strangelove, how do u plan on getting it to the target?

No need. It's for deterrent purposes only. Strictly for looks. Tater's nuke may be much more powerful, but mine looks nastier, and that's the main thing.

NICKTHEGREEK
01-08-2008, 08:37
Ya just gotta love the sunsets on the AT:

http://www.pa.msu.edu/~yang/NuclearBomb.jpg
mmmmmmmm, donuts

Crazy Larry #1
01-08-2008, 09:01
I'm thinking of taking one of these

http://www.gwu.edu/%7Ensarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB162/little-boy-model.jpg

... on my next hike. :rolleyes: It's only 18 or 19 kilotons. I'm thinking I might need a bit more stopping power, though. :-?
perhaps you can get one of those in xxxxxxxxxxxsmall?:-?

AT-HITMAN2005
01-08-2008, 09:14
don't forget the lead plates in the pack so you actually survive carrying all that radioactive stuff, dino.

BigStu
01-08-2008, 09:18
I'm thinking of taking one of these

http://www.gwu.edu/%7Ensarchiv/NSAEBB/NSAEBB162/little-boy-model.jpg

... on my next hike. :rolleyes: It's only 18 or 19 kilotons. I'm thinking I might need a bit more stopping power, though. :-?

...and with that baby you will surely be complying with Leave No Trace... there won't be a trace of anything recognisable left afterwards.

As they say in the south-west of England 'Proper Job' :D

STEVEM
01-08-2008, 09:38
I actually prefer (and carry) an "Enhancer Radiation Weapon". Efficient control of aggressive biologicals, minimal impact on trail infrastructure:

Neutron Bomb / Enhanced Radiation Weapon

An enhanced radiation (ER) weapon, by special design techniques, has an output in which neutrons and x-rays are made to constitute a substantial portion of the total energy released. For example, a standard fission weapon's total energy output would be partitioned as follows: 50% as blast; 35% as thermal energy; and 15% as nuclear radiation. An ER weapon's total energy would be partitioned as follows: 30% as blast; 20% as thermal; and 50% as nuclear radiation. Thus, a 3-kiloton ER weapon will produce the nuclear radiation of a 10-kiloton fission weapon and the blast and thermal radiation of a 1-kiloton fission device. However, the energy distribution percentages of nuclear weapons are a function of yield.

Tipi Walter
01-08-2008, 09:57
I'd go with a Wal-Lop pure-spun nylon 9mm DryHeavor pistol with a combat grip and the large 60 round clip. I'd use the 1600 grain "Hiker Halt" bullet with a uranium depleted metal jacket(never use the full down jacket on a weapon this size). In addition, for quick access, I'd go with a helmet holster which allows two DryHeavor pistols to be mounted on each temple for quick and high retrieval. On full automatic this handgun puts out 60 rounds in .23 seconds, and is called the "Cafeteria Cleaner" for this reason. In the great out of doors and on the trail, these pistols will cower the usual macho thru-hikers and impress the girls. A must-have for personal (in)security.

Along with this weapon I'd recommend a DominionDoom backpacking vest with grenade sleeves and enough pockets for 6 claymore anti-personel mines. As most hikers and campers know, a situation can turn to spit very quickly, especially when old backpacking hippies surround you wanting to talk about gear. But when the Wal-Lop DryHeavor pistol is too little too late, the spontaneous detonation of the six claymores can have a tremendous affect in clearing an area of suspicious individuals.

Downside? There won't be much left of you to photograph for the trail journal but as far as the Leave No Trace philosophy goes, well, that's about all that will be left, a Trace(BigStu and I just had a spontaneous thought).

I know I've completely drifted out of the nuclear weapon thread but that's just tough $%&^!!! What exactly are you gonna do about it?!! Do you feel lucky?? You've got to be asking yourself this question when you meet me backpacking on the trail, "Did he just fire off five claymores or six?" Or you might say, "Those twin mounted DryHeavor pistols strapped to his temples sure look stupid, like Dumbo the Elephant, ha ha ha BBOOOOOOMM!!!!!!!!

Here's a picture of a stupid old hippie taken just before I detonated my backpacking vest. He laughed a little too soon.

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 10:08
A liger ... It's pretty much my favorite animal. It's like a lion and a tiger mixed... bred for its skills in magic.
Vote for Pedro

JAK
01-08-2008, 10:13
I only hiked with a religious group once. It was an experience.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOrgLj9lOwk

rafe
01-08-2008, 10:20
Tipi, I charge you with cruelty to turtles.

STEVEM
01-08-2008, 10:20
My hiking partner:


http://z.about.com/d/politicalhumor/1/0/K/l/cheney_hunting_reality.jpg (http://politicalhumor.about.com/library/images/blpic-cheneyshotgun.htm)

Sly
01-08-2008, 10:21
Here's a picture of a stupid old hippie taken just before I detonated my backpacking vest. He laughed a little too soon.

Tipi, is that you, or Crazy Horse?

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 10:22
My hiking partner:


He'll shoot your eye out, kid.

Deadeye
01-08-2008, 10:26
Solves the "which stove will I use" dilemma, don't it! I guess it pretty well takes care of down vs. synthetic, tarp vs. hammock vs. tent, and all the other arguments, too.

rafe
01-08-2008, 10:27
He'll shoot your eye out, kid.

Part of the plan. They don't want you watching the carnage.

Johnny Thunder
01-08-2008, 10:29
First Pic - Me
Second Pic - Me and My Pugil Stick

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 10:29
Solves the "which stove will I use" dilemma, don't it! I guess it pretty well takes care of down vs. synthetic, tarp vs. hammock vs. tent, and all the other arguments, too.
Really. But it really effs up the HYOH concept.

warraghiyagey
01-08-2008, 10:32
Part of the plan. They don't want you watching the carnage.
That and they don't want me voting either.

WalkinHome
01-08-2008, 10:41
Naw, Uncle has smaller devices that can be carried in a backpack (but that is likely to be all you are carrying) and can be uncomfortably jumped from an aircraft. However,you miss the point-post Japan, nukes have been a psychological weapon and using one will defeat that purpose so by extension you could cobble together any sinister looking device (fake) and call it a nuke and achieve the same result-as long as you never had to put your mushroom cloud where your mouth is LOL.

mark.k.watson
01-08-2008, 11:01
Anyone know if Chuck Norris is available. He would be my first weapon choice.

doggiebag
01-08-2008, 11:07
Anyone know if Chuck Norris is available. He would be my first weapon choice.
Enough said ... Chuck is the man!
http://www.mendhak.com/humor/chucknorris3.jpg

Lone Wolf
01-08-2008, 11:08
Enough said ... Chuck is the man!
http://www.mendhak.com/humor/chucknorris3.jpg

that's a malamute. he can't kick a wolf's ass

SGT Rock
01-08-2008, 11:24
If you are going to take a nuke backpacking, you need this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suitcase_bomb

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/21/SADM%28cropped%29.jpg

sheepdog
01-08-2008, 11:35
Ok Rock I like the suitcase bomb but... Can you cook on it and is it better for one person cooking or for groups? I like equipment that multi tasks. :D

SGT Rock
01-08-2008, 11:38
Just open up the container for the radioactive material and put your pot on it.

Tipi Walter
01-08-2008, 11:41
Ok Rock I like the suitcase bomb but... Can you cook on it and is it better for one person cooking or for groups? I like equipment that multi tasks. :D

Hey, Sheepdog, I've used it and this device works great for group cooking.:)

BTW, I like to strap my thermarest on top(my "thermo-nuclear-rest" ha ha), and my Crocs on the sides.

greentick
01-08-2008, 11:53
If you are going to take a nuke backpacking, you need this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suitcase_bomb

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/21/SADM%28cropped%29.jpg

Greenlight team.

sheepdog
01-08-2008, 11:58
BTW, I like to strap my thermarest on top(my "thermo-nuclear-rest" ha ha), and my Crocs on the sides.
Good idea Tipi Walter. It probably eliminates the need for a flashlight after a while. You would get that good glow in the dark effect. it may be the best multi tool since the leatherman. :-?

Waterbuffalo
01-08-2008, 12:02
I carry a Dirty Pack:D

Sly
01-08-2008, 12:02
Anyone know if Chuck Norris is available. He would be my first weapon choice.

Nope he's on the trail with Huckabee, eating Huckaburgers in NH.

Tipi Walter
01-08-2008, 12:02
BTW, I like to strap my thermarest on top(my "thermo-nuclear-rest" ha ha), and my Crocs on the sides.
Good idea Tipi Walter. It probably eliminates the need for a flashlight after a while. You would get that good glow in the dark effect. it may be the best multi tool since the leatherman. :-?

And if you tell park rangers it's a bear canister for a 3 month backpacking trip, they'll let you right in.

WalkinHome
01-08-2008, 12:14
If you are going to take a nuke backpacking, you need this:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suitcase_bomb

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/21/SADM%28cropped%29.jpg

Yep, That's the bad boy.

STEVEM
01-08-2008, 12:34
Nuclear fuel is an excellent choice for the lightweight backpacker. One pound of fuel, look for the glowing lead container at your local Walmart, has 35,000,000,000 BTU's per pound. That should be adequate to boil about 24,000,000 gallons of water.

weary
01-08-2008, 13:09
Wargy, what part of nucular don't you understand?
Good question. It's just a synonym for those new clear bombs. Terrorists like them because they think you can see right through them.

bmike
01-08-2008, 13:45
Nuclear fuel is an excellent choice for the lightweight backpacker. One pound of fuel, look for the glowing lead container at your local Walmart, has 35,000,000,000 BTU's per pound. That should be adequate to boil about 24,000,000 gallons of water.

but can it do 2 cups in under 2 minutes to beat the 'jet boil'? :-?

i kind of want to take one of these (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Electromagnetic_pulse) along... wipe out all the car radios, cell phones, ipods, and what not on the trail. leave me in some peace and quiet.

SGT Rock
01-08-2008, 14:03
Not only does it beat the Jetboil (takes water from 52F to 1,000,000,000 F in .00001 sec) it also uses less fuel. I think you can do an entire thru-hike on 10 grams.

MOWGLI
01-08-2008, 14:07
Not only does it beat the Jetboil (takes water from 52F to 1,000,000,000 F in .00001 sec) it also uses less fuel. I think you can do an entire thru-hike on 10 grams.

Yup, and you don't have to worry about shaving, because all your hair will fall out.

BigStu
01-08-2008, 14:08
Yup, and you don't have to worry about shaving, because all your hair will fall out.

But you will be able to make fresh popcorn in an instant :banana

SGT Rock
01-08-2008, 14:09
Yup, and you don't have to worry about shaving, because all your hair will fall out.
Saves money on haircuts too. I also hear it clears up your dentist bill.

BigStu
01-08-2008, 14:11
I also hear it clears up your dentist bill.

OK - sucking popcorn, errrm sucks

MOWGLI
01-08-2008, 14:12
Saves money on haircuts too. I also hear it clears up your dentist bill.

You can do your own x-rays.

SGT Rock
01-08-2008, 14:14
All you need is a mirror.

Crazy Larry #1
01-08-2008, 18:55
Nuclear fuel is an excellent choice for the lightweight backpacker. One pound of fuel, look for the glowing lead container at your local Walmart, has 35,000,000,000 BTU's per pound. That should be adequate to boil about 24,000,000 gallons of water.
hahahaha........................this is too funny.........i wonder how hot a cup of water would get for some coffee, or would it all be a vapor?...............:D

Crazy Larry #1
01-08-2008, 18:57
i needed to laugh guys, thanx!

Jaybird62
01-08-2008, 19:01
:jump You guys are a riot. Good to goof off occasi.... well lots:p

rafe
01-08-2008, 19:43
Saves money on haircuts too. I also hear it clears up your dentist bill.

Clears up your dentist also. At least Tater's model.

ki0eh
01-09-2008, 10:43
Now what about traveling to the trailhead? Which one would get you in less trouble with public transport?

budforester
01-09-2008, 11:15
Nuke would certainly offer defensive deterrence. However, due to shielding issues and weights of fissionable metals, a thermobaric device might be more efficient in terms of bulk and heft in the pack.

Grandma
01-09-2008, 11:25
Not only does it beat the Jetboil (takes water from 52F to 1,000,000,000 F in .00001 sec) it also uses less fuel. I think you can do an entire thru-hike on 10 grams.
It might save weight on fuel, but you would make it up in the sack of potatoes that you would bring along. Screw ramen when you can have a baked potato instantly.

STEVEM
01-09-2008, 11:36
Wargy, what part of nucular don't you understand?

Its not really fair to use the internets in this manner. So our leader has a minor speech impedification. Its not like he has "full blown Matthewskiosis".

warraghiyagey
01-09-2008, 11:41
. . .So our leader has a minor speech impedification. .
Only when he tries to speak Mexican

Tipi Walter
01-12-2008, 22:05
And easy access to a backpackable weapon. Can't be too safe.

Tennessee Viking
01-12-2008, 22:42
Simplicity is best...beans.

Two Speed
01-13-2008, 11:14
Technically that's a dirty bomb (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dirty_bomb), but considered particularly useful for silencing snorers.

Froggy
01-13-2008, 16:31
Simple and low-tech, easily carried, I like it, but it contributes to greenhouse warming.

middle to middle
01-13-2008, 16:47
I recall hiking in Sullivan Co. Ny. during deer open season and hearing automatic wheapons fire ! It was close enough in the same valley, I froze for a while then high tailed it out. Those NYC boys bring their street wheapons up in woods to play.

Ramble~On
01-14-2008, 15:34
I have a Chuck Norris Action Figure...he's way better than any nuclear weapon...i used to have one of those but lost it on the subway in NYC somewhere.
To bring 1 gallon of water to a boil my Chuck Norris action figure just has to look at the water....the molecules get scared and the water boils instantly.
My Chuck Norris action figure has lots of other uses too....I've taken ultralight hiking to a new level cause my action figure carries me and my pack...
I always sleep safely- unaffraid. While I'm sleeping my Chuck Norris action figure is on the job, waiting to pounce on any danger that may present itself. My Chcuk Norris action figure has a Nuclear/Biological/Chemical feature that is activated simply by feeding it beans!
Hitch-hiking into town is never a problem with a Chuck Norris action figure doing the thumbing....he's "girl getting" certified and the ladies always stop....or even change direction and go out of their way.
I can understand some people wanting to have nuclear weapons on the trail...they are the next best thing to a Chuck Norris action figure and the only thing better than that would be to have Chuck Norris himself.

Tipi Walter
02-14-2008, 09:50
At an old truck stop restroom I found a vending machine that offered "Instant Handgun--Just Add Water", so for a quarter I bought one thinking it would be perfect for backpacking.

In the field I set up camp and heard a rustle in the woods, probably some old hippie wanting to talk gear. Clearly upset and very concerned for my own personal (in)security, I quickly added water to my cooking pot and dropped in the Instant Handgun--Bingo! I had a fully functioning pistol made of sponge.

Hiding behind my tent, I waited until the old hippie freak was right up on me and then jumped out and fired 17 sponge rounds onto and round about his person. You can NEVER be too safe when out hiking and backpacking. Sadly, the Instant Handgun is a one shot and discard weapon.

BTW, the old long-haired geezor felt a series of 17 small sponges mildly impacting his body and it so confused him that he immediately turned around and went the other way. The "Instant Claymore", on the other hand, needs a bigger pot of water but will easily scatter a large group of bearded bums and traildogs quickly, using over 700 small sponges to confuse and confound.

Although most people would laugh, the impact of so many cotton-balls at one time(what it feels like)can be devastating. Don't underestimate the sponge-equipped weapon.

bmike
02-14-2008, 10:48
I have a Chuck Norris Action Figure...he's way better than any nuclear weapon...i used to have one of those but lost it on the subway in NYC somewhere.
To bring 1 gallon of water to a boil my Chuck Norris action figure just has to look at the water....the molecules get scared and the water boils instantly.
My Chuck Norris action figure has lots of other uses too....I've taken ultralight hiking to a new level cause my action figure carries me and my pack...
I always sleep safely- unaffraid. While I'm sleeping my Chuck Norris action figure is on the job, waiting to pounce on any danger that may present itself. My Chcuk Norris action figure has a Nuclear/Biological/Chemical feature that is activated simply by feeding it beans!
Hitch-hiking into town is never a problem with a Chuck Norris action figure doing the thumbing....he's "girl getting" certified and the ladies always stop....or even change direction and go out of their way.
I can understand some people wanting to have nuclear weapons on the trail...they are the next best thing to a Chuck Norris action figure and the only thing better than that would be to have Chuck Norris himself.

chuck put through the blender... will he survive? (http://www.willitblend.com/videos.aspx?type=unsafe&video=chuck)

Dances with Mice
02-14-2008, 11:04
I know many people are concerned about the effects of nuclear weapons on the environment. It's reassuring to know that new missile delivery systems are much cleaner and more efficient than before. Yes, the US nuclear missile detererence program is going green (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGM-30_Minuteman).



Propulsion Replacement Program (PRP)

Beginning in 1998 and continuing through 2009 [1] (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGM-30_Minuteman#_note-0), the Propulsion Replacement Program extends the life, maintains the performance, and improves the reliability of the operational ICBM force by replacing the old solid propellant boosters (downstages) with new “environmentally friendly” booster. Modern weapons and munitions manufacturers are taking a much greater stand on environmental issues. Boeing recently announced a partnership with "Big Oil" to find alternative fuels which could further cut the emissions of their ICBM delivery boosters
And people say the current administration in Washington is unconcerned about the environment. Hah!

warraghiyagey
02-14-2008, 11:31
That is just too bizarre. Looks like no sleep again tonight.http://www.freesmileys.org/smileys/basic/huh.gif

Tipi Walter
02-14-2008, 14:39
The government's green "carbon footprint" nomenclature has been changed to an even greener "reduced-to-carbon bootprint" and is purported to be the goal of all future military planning. If a target population can be 'reduced to carbon', any leftovers would be refered to as 'bootprints' which will fit nicely in the 'Take Only Photographs and Leave Only Bootprints" LNT philosophy.

Don't know where I'm going with all this or what any of it has to do with personal security or having your own personal nuclear device while backpacking, but it seems important to at least help the newbies.

bmike
02-14-2008, 14:45
because nuclear weapons offer so many options for cleaning up the environment...

love this graphic:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/ff/Minuteman_III_MIRV_path.svg/600px-Minuteman_III_MIRV_path.svg.png

so the propellant is green... did they think about the fissionable material? what about if they get used?

Tipi Walter
02-14-2008, 14:54
because nuclear weapons offer so many options for cleaning up the environment...

love this graphic:
http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/f/ff/Minuteman_III_MIRV_path.svg/600px-Minuteman_III_MIRV_path.svg.png

so the propellant is green... did they think about the fissionable material? what about if they get used?

I like your spirit and your graphics but am a bit concerned with your final two questions. Most backpackers who use such a weapon for personal security on the trail are not bothered by these two questions.

I see the third stage is green which fits the LNT doctrine, but the first stage which is purple worries me.

taildragger
02-14-2008, 15:58
I like your spirit and your graphics but am a bit concerned with your final two questions. Most backpackers who use such a weapon for personal security on the trail are not bothered by these two questions.

I see the third stage is green which fits the LNT doctrine, but the first stage which is purple worries me.

You're right, purple is not a very biodegradable colour, especially if that purple has been used in a graphic

Dances with Mice
02-14-2008, 16:00
love this graphic:So do I. It clearly shows that Paris is a target. Just as it should be.

Wise Old Owl
02-14-2008, 16:24
I prefer a smaller nuclear threat!http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/bush-holding-baby.jpg

Tipi Walter
02-14-2008, 16:25
So do I. It clearly shows that Paris is a target. Just as it should be.

I think you're wrong, I think it shows Watauga Lake and the area around 19E. There's a running feud between backpackers and . . . uh . . . "non-backpackers" which could be why (in)security-conscious hiker purchases of backpackable nuclear devices are up in this area. No spreadsheets or flowcharts to offer, just a gut feeling.

Wise Old Owl
02-14-2008, 16:26
After cooking a great meal, My Jet Boil blew up and this large crowd gathered to see Jesus return to die for our sins!http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/ACLFest037small.jpg

Best to stay away when I cook!:eek:

Footslogger
02-14-2008, 16:30
Just eat a lot of beans, go for a long run and then sleep on your stomach.

Some sort of explosion is bound to follow. Maybe not fusion based ...but definitely thermodynamic level.

'Slogger

Tipi Walter
02-14-2008, 16:41
After cooking a great meal, My Jet Boil blew up and this large crowd gathered to see Jesus return to die for our sins!http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/ACLFest037small.jpg

Best to stay away when I cook!:eek:

That couldn't be Jesus, where's his pack?? I always heard that when he comes back he'll be wearing a loaded backpack. I think this was taken when the Hiker Parade went bad at Trail Days last year. Was it your Jetboil that exploded? I heard the rumors. BTW, everyone in this photo is a backpacker and everyone is packing heat. The guy in the green shirt, trailname Cold Dead Fingers, is carrying an RPG rocket launcher, and the guy on the left has a hidden Glockenspiel Sponge Gun in his left hand. Photos don't lie.

If you look closely at the woman in orange, she's carrying a satchel charge in her left hand and a Gerber double-edged fighting knife in her right. Is this a great country or what?

Wise Old Owl, you SAY your Jetboil blew up but I wonder . . .

mweinstone
02-14-2008, 16:54
do you guys all got these? 11 bucks. with all your leaky old bombs you'll ned em!

Tipi Walter
02-14-2008, 17:06
I prefer a smaller nuclear threat!http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/bush-holding-baby.jpg

Wow, I thought I've seen it all and I know every last piece of backpacking gear, but I'm just plain misinformed. This pic shows the Luxury-Light backpacking system in action, and it is so new only the rich and/or powerful can get it. The adult backpacker in this photo(the one in the blue shirt), is wearing the Luxury-Light system of two packs, the back nuclear device is out of view and the front Wailing Baby Pack attached to the chest is fitted and ready for action. You can tell by the wearer's expression that he is ready for any threat, maybe this is why the whole set-up is sold by Luxury-Light under the model name The Harry Callahan Pack System("Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?"). Incredibly, the Baby Pack weapon system shown here is set on Single Shot Selection, imagine Full Automatic!!

Called the "Two Tiered Personal Security System", this backpackable weapon system will definitely clear the trail and repel everyone, even the women will scatter. Get Out More, the old backpacker's mantra, has now become, Get Out Of My Way.

bmike
02-14-2008, 17:11
I see the third stage is green which fits the LNT doctrine, but the first stage which is purple worries me.

purple typically gets left in the parking lot, so don't worry about it. you won't even feel it by the time you finish your thru.

Wise Old Owl
02-14-2008, 17:13
http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/shatner1.png

This is what happens when the Dark Side of the Force finds you with a Dirty Weapon Backpack!

bmike
02-14-2008, 17:14
I prefer a smaller nuclear threat!http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/bush-holding-baby.jpg

i'd cry to if that man were to try and hold me.
smart kid. stay out of the bushes.

Tipi Walter
02-14-2008, 17:17
do you guys all got these? 11 bucks. with all your leaky old bombs you'll ned em!

Thanks for the head's up, mweinstone. I always carry a set of suppositories with me, especially in tandem with a personal weapon system. But for you newbs out there, check out mweinstone's post and start carrying the beefy 12 pack.

Heater
02-14-2008, 17:31
Wow, I thought I've seen it all and I know every last piece of backpacking gear, but I'm just plain misinformed. This pic shows the Luxury-Light backpacking system in action, and it is so new only the rich and/or powerful can get it. The adult backpacker in this photo(the one in the blue shirt), is wearing the Luxury-Light system of two packs, the back nuclear device is out of view and the front Wailing Baby Pack attached to the chest is fitted and ready for action. You can tell by the wearer's expression that he is ready for any threat, maybe this is why the whole set-up is sold by Luxury-Light under the model name The Harry Callahan Pack System("Do You Feel Lucky, Punk?"). Incredibly, the Baby Pack weapon system shown here is set on Single Shot Selection, imagine Full Automatic!!

Called the "Two Tiered Personal Security System", this backpackable weapon system will definitely clear the trail and repel everyone, even the women will scatter. Get Out More, the old backpacker's mantra, has now become, Get Out Of My Way.

Check out the blue rip-stop nylon shirt that shrubbie is wearing. :cool:

mweinstone
02-14-2008, 17:32
iodine pills for a radiation emergency. i got tamiflu too! yea! im gonna die takeing pills!

Wise Old Owl
02-14-2008, 17:33
http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/cia_killed_dumbledore_fun_with_left.jpg
Notice the Dirty Da Bomb Back Pack! This guy is a Terrorist!

Smudge
02-14-2008, 20:28
Trident D5... If you absolutely have to melt every MFer on the continent, accept no substitute...:D :D :D :D

IdahoDavid
02-14-2008, 20:41
I can't believe that no one has come up with a portable nuclear device made with a Pepsi can or Walmart grease can. You all are slipping.

Patrickjd9
02-14-2008, 22:43
I can't believe that no one has come up with a portable nuclear device made with a Pepsi can or Walmart grease can. You all are slipping.
That's a lot of weight reduction to get down from 51 pounds (per Wikipedia article on suitcase nukes) to a Pepsi can. Even if it were as dense as lead, it would weigh only about 8 pounds.

Smudge
02-14-2008, 23:17
Even if it were as dense as lead, it would weigh only about 8 pounds.

Is that just the fissile material?? What about the high explosive detonator?? Might have to scale down the amount of U235 to get a thermonuclear device in a Pepsi can.... Have to take a look at my penny stove and see what I can knock together...:D :D :D

GGS2
02-14-2008, 23:30
Uranium density about 19 g/cc. Plutonium is a bit more, almost 20 g.cc Lead is about 11 g/cc. So bomb metal is almost twice as dense as lead. Still would be bigger than a Pepsi can.

Wise Old Owl
02-15-2008, 00:27
Uranium density about 19 g/cc. Plutonium is a bit more, almost 20 g.cc Lead is about 11 g/cc. So bomb metal is almost twice as dense as lead. Still would be bigger than a Pepsi can.

Yes you are right in basic Physics I discovered from reading that any atomic bomb must have roughly 15 kilos in order to fission. A lesson learned from "Tickle the Dragons Tail" and the scientists who died in that all important lesson. Luckly that is what keeps third world countrys from developing bombs as that little fact takes tons of rock and purifing the metal to make the bomb. - Now back to the Jokes

Tin Man
02-15-2008, 00:45
Uranium density about 19 g/cc. Plutonium is a bit more, almost 20 g.cc Lead is about 11 g/cc. So bomb metal is almost twice as dense as lead. Still would be bigger than a Pepsi can.

And produce a little more heat than the typcial alcohol pepsi can stove.

Anyone have bin laden's mail drop address? This would make a great resupply gift. With a stove this hot he could cook up a storm for him and all his buds. :cool:

bmike
02-15-2008, 03:17
everyone posting here will now be on some sort of watch list.
might want to break out the tin foil caps and start training so you can withstand the waterboarding.

Heater
02-15-2008, 04:36
everyone posting here will now be on some sort of watch list.
might want to break out the tin foil caps and start training so you can withstand the waterboarding.

Thanks to bush and the "patriot" act.

bmike
02-15-2008, 08:21
Thanks to bush and the "patriot" act.

quiet down there now and be a good little patriot. and go shopping, buy an SUV or light truck, and drive more - we don't want the terrorists to win. :D


my favorite commercial that will never air on network TV. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=beF_gjnwU5E)

quasarr
02-15-2008, 12:36
Those of you who are carrying Cold War-era, or god forbid, WWII-era nukes could do well to upgrade! The technological advances recently have been enormous as far as lower weight and increased power.

Personally I carry the W87 Warhead, at only 68.9 inches long and 450 lbs it's practically a feather! Also the yield can be upgraded from 300 Kt to 475 Kt by adding rings or a sleeve of highly enriched uranium to the second stage. I've never found this feature to be necessary, but if you do a lot of winter hiking you might find it suits your needs.

I heard that Russia might be coming out with some new alloys, but it's all rumors. For now you can't go wrong with a 1990's warhead (don't take the whole ICBM, you only need the top!). Whatever you do, don't get a shoddily made nuke from Pakistan or Iran or anything.

HYOH!!

IdahoDavid
02-15-2008, 13:44
That's a lot of weight reduction to get down from 51 pounds (per Wikipedia article on suitcase nukes) to a Pepsi can. Even if it were as dense as lead, it would weigh only about 8 pounds.

Consider, too, that you are going to have to hand deliver this puppy and then try an outrun the blast zone. You really don't want anything too big.

GGS2
02-15-2008, 18:36
... Whatever you do, don't get a shoddily made nuke from Pakistan or Iran or anything.

Yeah, I understand those ones burn real dirty.

Smudge
02-15-2008, 19:07
I'm telling you guys, the D5 is the way to go..:D

Here's a quote form FAS.org...

"All three stages of the Trident II are made of lighter, stronger, stiffer graphite epoxy, whose integrated structure mean considerable weight savings."

And not to take away for the effectiveness of the W87 warhead Quasarr, but the Trident II's are also equipped with latest and greatest MK 5 Reentry Vehicle loaded out with W88 warheads...:D :D

GGS2
02-15-2008, 19:38
... Reentry Vehicle ...

reentry? You planning on using these things after you get back home? Bad idea, dude. :(

fiddlehead
02-15-2008, 21:35
http://i250.photobucket.com/albums/gg275/MarkSwarbrick/cia_killed_dumbledore_fun_with_left.jpg
Notice the Dirty Da Bomb Back Pack! This guy is a Terrorist!

Will someone please clue me into how you are getting pictures in your posts like this???

I searched whiteblaze and found an article by Attroll and it didn't work (copy and pasting the BB code under the picture that was already uploaded to whiteblaze)

But obviously some of these pictures on this thread don't seem to be the kind you see in the gallery and i get the feeling you all are using some method unknown to me.

I'd appreciate some help in how to do this. thanks. fh

Smudge
02-15-2008, 21:47
reentry? You planning on using these things after you get back home? Bad idea, dude. :(


Hmm, you're right. I guess you could just take the W88 warheads off of the MK 5... Probably easier to pack. Wonder if the bed roll straps on my Gregory will hold it??

STEVEM
02-15-2008, 23:40
Count on Whiteblazer G.R. Quinn. He prefers to have his nuclear weapons delivered the "old fashioned way":

In Washington, G.R. Quinn, 54, of Bethesda, Md., held a sign across from the White House reading: "God Bless the Enola Gay," referring to the B-29 that dropped the first bomb.

http://www.prop1.org/history/2005/050806.wide.jpg
Nearby, about three dozen peace activists declared President Bush was not doing enough for nuclear disarmament.

Full Story:http://www.prop1.org/history/2005/050806ap.Activists%20Mark%20A-Bomb%20Anniversary%20in%20U.S.html

Tipi Walter
02-17-2008, 09:49
Count on Whiteblazer G.R. Quinn. He prefers to have his nuclear weapons delivered the "old fashioned way":

In Washington, G.R. Quinn, 54, of Bethesda, Md., held a sign across from the White House reading: "God Bless the Enola Gay," referring to the B-29 that dropped the first bomb.

http://www.prop1.org/history/2005/050806.wide.jpg
Nearby, about three dozen peace activists declared President Bush was not doing enough for nuclear disarmament.

Full Story:http://www.prop1.org/history/2005/050806ap.Activists%20Mark%20A-Bomb%20Anniversary%20in%20U.S.html

What a coincidence. There's a new backpack on the market made by Personal (In)Security Research called the Enola Gay and it comes with a wide array of straps, pockets and other goodies(claymore bladder pocket, for instance)that will make any backpacker feel safe on the trail.

And in a real emergency, when a hiker feels truly in jeopardy, there's a "Gut Cord" that when tugged makes the whole pack detonate into one giant fireball. For those backpackers out there who are constantly looking for a way to protect themselves while outdoors, the Enola Gay pack is on my "must have" list.