View Full Version : Convincing Family -- Experiences
I wanted this thread to be specifically about what people have experienced when trying to convince family why you want to go.
I want to go next year, but I'm afraid of losing my nerve if I tell my family right away; (they're exceptionally gifted in presented logical arguments -- and walking the trail seems to be anything but logical -- that's why I want to go). I know that I want my family to be supportive of what I'm going to do, but I'm just not sure how to go about it.
Any suggestions? Stories? Other interesting experiences?
Lone Wolf
03-25-2008, 21:51
what is your age?
This topic/concern comes up all the time. It's totally normal! Almost all of us who've left and gone on a long walk have dealt with this.
Simply, friends and family will not understand-unless they've hiked long distances themselves, which they probably haven't.
First off, have a plan. Show you've thought this through. That means financing it yourself and thinking about things while your gone (bills, car, house, belongings, etc) and having a rough plan for what you'll do when you return. Have a rough itinerary might help, so your family can follow along and maybe meet you.
Show you've done your research. Show a gear list, explain maildrops, and share with them an online journal from a very non-threatening person. Pictures, books, journals, etc go a long way to convincing them "normal" people do this. My mom thought it was just a bunch of disfunctional mountain men at first.
I don't know anything about you, but if your a financially independent adult who is tied to obligations (marriage, kids) there isn't much your parents can do to stop you. Hopefully they'll give their blessings, but maybe not.
I took a semester away from college and my folks were NOT pleased. But the closer it got, the more serious they took me. I was very well planned and organized with a systematic approach. I even left my mom a mock schedule with where I'd be EVERY NIGHT. Of course I didn't stick to this, but my mom relished the chance to tell me I was "2 weeks ahead of "schedule" evey time I called.
I wish you much luck; this is totally natural. Take a deep breath, be brave and tell 'em how you feel. Hopefully they'll respect your decision.
There can always be a case for NOT doing something like this (making money, obligations, owned things, family, etc.) but that stuff will ALWAYS be there when you want it to be. The chance to walk across country may not.
Just throw it out to the family. After they try to talk you out of it for a while they will give up and warm up to the idea.
paradoxb3
03-25-2008, 22:32
Although I havent thru-hiked YET, my parents have recently done a complete 180 on their opinion of my thru plans. What convinced them, particularly my mother, is I've just been out doing alot of weekend to weeklong trips, and sharing stories with them about the great things i've experienced, and showing them pictures of the sights I've seen, and the great people I've met. Suddenly I've brought some trail life to them and made them aware that its NOT always 500 miles from help should something go wrong, and contrary to popular belief, I'm NOT at a constant risk of being eaten by predators.
When they see for themselves the joy it can bring you, it sort of opens their eyes. Keep them involved. Teach them things. Show them you're doing your homework on the subject, and you're planning wisely. Once they realize and understand what it actually means to you, they should at least be somewhat supportive.
Go to the library, check out a few books on hiking the AT and leave them around the house where others will see them. See if they engage you in a conversation about it.
88BlueGT
03-25-2008, 23:49
I'm only 20 years old and plan on doing a thru in 09. My father was a big backpacker back in his younger days so its easier to talk to him about it (but never bring up UL gear, hes one of those hardcore stubborn old school guys who hiked hundreds of miles in construction boots lol). I brought it up to him and my mother and they both baically laughed at me without physically doing so. I've boughten it up dozens of times since then (about 3 months ago) and they still don't think I'm serious. They will realize that Im serious when I buy my plane ticket or bus ticket to Georgia :)
Appalachian Tater
03-26-2008, 01:08
If you are convinced that they are going to worry no matter what, wait until after you leave to tell them. Call from Neels Gap. That is the kindest thing to do, as it shortens their worry period and replaces their fear of your inexperience with knowledge that you have already successfully hiked a good distance.
Lone Wolf,
I'm not a minor, if that's what you're asking. Just still living at home.
: )
hopefulhiker
03-26-2008, 19:26
The advantages of hiking the trail....Tell them that you are searching for America.. that this is the realization of a dream for you.. Also tell them that you will be leaner and meaner when you get back, able to take on tough challenges in a single bound!
Also tell them that you would blow the money you would spend next year anyway on something else....
Plus they would get you out of the house and it would give them a new hobby of tracking you down the trail and occasionally sending you a care package....
Lone Wolf
03-26-2008, 19:36
Lone Wolf,
I'm not a minor, if that's what you're asking. Just still living at home.
: )
then just start planning, saving and just go. it's your life and future
Almost There
03-26-2008, 19:51
Look, I'm a 33 year old man and being from the Chicago metro area originally, my mother revealed to my wife not too long ago that she hates me going out...if it's something you really want to do...do it, they'll come around, and if they don't...it's your life, and you only got one!
you will lead a very plain life, if you wait on approval of others before you chase your dreams. You are young, I assume. LW had good advice, just do it. Its only 6 months. There will be plenty of time afterwards to get bogged down with work, kids, debt... damn this is depressing.
Lone Wolf
03-26-2008, 21:10
she could always tell the fam she's joining the Corps.
If you're living at home I'm sure they won't complain for too long.
My family still isn't convinced that I should go hiking again.....oh well.
If you're living at home I'm sure they won't complain for too long.
My family still isn't convinced that I should go hiking again.....oh well.
Sorry. It might be from the chronic lack of sleep, but I didn't get the joke. Please explain.
she could always tell the fam she's joining the Corps.
Oops. My last post was further evidence of lack of sleep. I meant to respond to this one.
My father had an all-expense paid tour of the South Pacific that way. Specifically such places as Guadalcanal and Okinawa. You're lucky I'm here!
shelterbuilder
03-27-2008, 20:30
I wanted this thread to be specifically about what people have experienced when trying to convince family why you want to go.
I want to go next year, but I'm afraid of losing my nerve if I tell my family right away; (they're exceptionally gifted in presented logical arguments -- and walking the trail seems to be anything but logical -- that's why I want to go). I know that I want my family to be supportive of what I'm going to do, but I'm just not sure how to go about it.
Any suggestions? Stories? Other interesting experiences?
If this is something that YOU really, really want to do, then this "want" will continue to stand up in the face of ALL logic! Just remember: "the heart has its reasons, that reason does not know".
Plan your hike, then hike your plan. Just having a plan will show them that you're serious.
Blissful
03-27-2008, 20:50
Yeah, it was hard telling my folks. I wanted them to know because we are family and families tell each other news, even if I am 45. They knew for many years, since I was a teen, I wanted to do it. So I just came out one day, a few months before the hike, and told them I was going. I had planned for it and this was my year. I didn't ask for their blessing per say, but I hoped I would get thier support as it's nice to have people rooting for you. My dad was not happy. Even told me I was too old. It was too dangerous, etc. But he knew I would go anyway. And after some time they were all for it. Dad even sent some goody boxes along the way.
I've just experienced this again with my family, for the 3rd time!! Even though i'm an adult myself and know its my life and future, i like to keep my family informed on what i'm doing in life. Of course, my family was shocked when i told them, but not totally surprised either. I just explained that i wanted to do it again before i was bogged down with the career choice i've made (just recently graduated from grad school) and simply asked for their support. They've come to know that i march to the beat of a different drum then the rest of the family, and they have seen that even though i live life a little unconventionally from most of society, i have yet to get myself into any bad situations. SO basically, i guess i'm saying that as long as you explain to them what it is you are doing, and your reasonings for it, and simply ask them for support though they dont have to understand or like it, then that's all you can do really!! Good luck with it all Sallie!!
insider2185
03-28-2008, 16:20
If you are convinced that they are going to worry no matter what, wait until after you leave to tell them. Call from Neels Gap. That is the kindest thing to do, as it shortens their worry period and replaces their fear of your inexperience with knowledge that you have already successfully hiked a good distance.
This could be good and bad, but for me telling them afterwards also saved them a lot of worry. E.g., I actually called my sister right before I got on the plane to go skydiving, but didn't tell my mom until I showed her the pictures. I just knew that they would worry if I told them in advance.